Jealousy
WARNING:
This story contains graphical descriptions of homosexuality between consenting adult males. If this is not your desire to read such kind of articles, or you are not of consenting age in wherever you are residing, please do not continue.
DISCLAIMER:
This story is written completely based on fantasies. The author does not know the celebrities, establishments, cities or countries mentioned in the story, hence has no knowledge on the sexuality of the celebrities mentioned. It is of pure coincidence if the story should resemble any real life experience of any individual.
Feedback: Guys, I love getting comments. Write to me at jasperjeff@mac.com. Visit http://jasperjeff.no-ip.org/ for the story archive.
Jealousy is an extreme of Love. If consumed by it, tragedy will follow.
Jealousy
I can hear Jeff. I can hear him thrusting and panting.
I hate these walls. Damn they're just wafer-thin.
It's Nick. Nick's making Jeff moan and groan. It should've been me.
Jeff was mine - to love , to please, to pleasure, to make laughing with joy, to make smiling with a glow.
But now, he belongs to Nick. And it has all been my faults.
Jeff is on a revenge, to get back to me. He chooses not just anyone but Nick, my brother. And he's making sure they have the bedroom right next to mine, in every hotel while we're on the road.
He's making sure I hear their love-making clear and loud. No, that's not making love - I won't accept that. There's only sex between them. It was love between Jeff and me.
I still love him, like I've always had.
Jeff wouldn't listen to my plea after I announced my engagement with Lea. It broke my heart. I was doing that engagement thing to protect him. To protect his dream of forming a singing group and making it a success.
I don't regret that.
I know Jeff still loves me too. It has to be the reason why he's furious. He thinks I've betrayed the precious love we share, by marrying Lea. He's too angry to see through the web of lies to know the truth - that he means everything to me and I can never ever do anything on purpose to hurt him. It would have killed me first.
And now, he's out on a mission to make my life miserable. By looking through me when I'm in front of him, like I'm not even there. By fucking my brother and making sure I hear every single pounding of him into Nick.
I don't think I can take this anymore.
I'm dying inside.
Jeff is screaming his orgasm right next door.
During one of our break, Jeff and I visited his parents. He stayed longer and I went home to mine. Nick went home before I did.
There was a sealed large brown envelope, waiting on my desk, when I got into my room. It was addressed to me, with an address, but no postal. It was weird. It didn't feel right.
There were only a few photos and a computer printed noted in it.
The photos, showed nothing but simply Jeff and I making love. Clear, body-length shots. They got good angle. It almost looked as if Jeff and I were porn stars performing for the camera.
The note said "I'M GOING TO EXPOSE U 2, FAGGOTS!".
I panicked.
I called Lea. I didn't know why I'd go to her rather than my own brother who's much closer physically. I still don't.
She's a good friend and she offered to help. It might not be the best way to handle the situation, but it was a convenient & convincing method.
Lea's religious. She intended to serve the Lord for life. She offered me a marriage for cover. If the photos got out, we could claim them to be fake. And the marriage would speak louder than the photos as Lea and I has been close since before we can remember. No one would have suspected.
I should've talked to Jeff before making the announcement. But I was a deer caught in the headlights.
I screwed up. Big time!
I'm not mad at Jeff. I understand what he's going through. This whole crap hurts him too much 'cause we're so much in love. He's only trying to make me see how much he loves me and how much it hurts to be him. He wants me to feel his pain.
I can never be mad at him.
He'll get over me someday. Nick will make him happy again. I'll be the only one who suffers.
But then again, I don't regret it. As long as what I've done protects who I love.
I'll live with the consequences by myself - even if it means I'll be all alone in the end. And even if I can only live in memories of having Jeff in my life, I know what I've done is worthy. I keep telling myself that.
If I die now, I'll have no regret of what I've done. My only regret will be dying without Jeff forgiving me the torments I've caused him.
Hearing Jeff doing to Nick what he and I used to do further stomped what's remained of my will to hang on. My heart aches and my head screams in pain for lack of sleep.
Sleeping pills aren't helping. I need another two of them.
Nick and I were driving across the country, from New York to LA. He invited me to join Justin and him in this singing group. And he kept telling me how a wonderful person the founder Jeff was, how we were going to be great friends, and how Jeff would make a fine husband for him and how much I'd be proud to have Jeff as a brother-in-law. I didn't know better, so I just shrugged it off.
"Are you sure he's going to be family?" I asked at one point, when I was at my toleration threshold of Nick bragging about his new found interest.
"I'm working on him." Nick was serious about this Jeff person. It didn't seem to me he was too successful at trying though.
When I met Jeff, in person for the first time in my life, I knew Nick had been right about Jeff.
I knew I've fallen in love with Jeff there on the spot.
And I knew that very same moment, Jeff and I were meant to be together. I saw sparkle of love, joy and desire when he looked into my eyes. The stares from his passion-filled blue eyes almost burnt my skin.
Nick saw that too.
My mind can't think straight.
Although I understand, but I'm miserable without Jeff. I crave for him - everything about him but his hatred.
He hates me. I'm the one who's brought him so much pain.
I've never really told Jeff how much he means to me. It seems like I'll never have the chance to.
I must say I'm getting to be a pretty damn good actor, 'cause I'm holding onto my life like nothing has happened. At least it appears to be so from the outside. The whole world believe in my marriage - even Nick and the rest of my family. To everyone else, I'm a happily married straight guy.
Jeff most certainly believes I don't love him anymore. That's the biggest lie among all. But it's for the best of the group. It's for the best of Jeff.
I almost believe it myself looking at TV interviews and newspaper articles. Unfortunately, I know it's simply from a well-written script.
If you're the housekeeping people from the hotels we stay in, you can tell by the pillows and bed sheets that I cry myself to sleep every night.
My throat gets dry. I need water for the pills.
Yeah, there's a whole bottle of that in the mini-bar.
Nick was disappointed to say the least. Who he thought would be my brother-in-law, has became his.
Jeff likes him only as a brother but nothing more. It took almost a year for the fact to sink in. Nick has been professional at work, cold otherwise. Poor Justin was put in the middle of this silent fight.
Thankfully, Nick came around. We started hanging out again. It's kind of awkward at first. But gradually, he accepted Jeff as his brother, rather than lover.
Nick had his arms wide open when Jeff needed a shoulder to cry on. Nick has liked Jeff, from the beginning. I can't blame Nick for taking advantages of Jeff at his weak moments. Instead, I'm glad Nick was on Jeff's side supporting him. It could've been worse with any other random guy.
If Jeff doesn't want me, I at least know the person who's going to be there to catch Jeff when he falls, is someone I can trust.
No, I'm not that big. I will trade anything I have to be the one with Jeff. But if I couldn't, I wouldn't let anyone else near him. Except for Nick.
After all, Nick's my trustworthy big brother.
My head feels like it's being crashed and burnt at the same time. My throat is dry and itching. Drinking the whole bottle of water is not helping. Maybe I have a flu. Maybe I should have the other bottle as well.
Slowly the pain lessens. The numbness starts to spread over me.
Good, the pills are finally working. I can get some rest now.
My mind drifts. Between consciousness and unconsciousness, I think I see Jeff standing before me. I try to reach out to him, but I can't rise my arm. I can't find my voice neither. I just mouth to him, "Forgive me please. I'm being stupid. Forgive me, won't you?"
I think I pass out at that point.
Someone's pounding on the door. Have I overslept again? I try to open my eyes and get up. But my eye-lids are too heavy to lift and my limbs are too weak to move. I can't call out to the person pounding fists on my door. I must be really sick.
Weird. Am I really that late? I can tell by the noise that someone has knocked down the door. Well, they'll see that I'm too ill to get up and work. And they'll pay for the broken door.
Management can handle that.
Instead of Nick or Justin, I hear Jeff's voice. I feel his strong arms picking me up and embracing me. I feel his warm naked skin surrounding me.
I must be dreaming. I dare not wish Jeff putting his arms around me again. But it's happening, so I must be dreaming.
He skin feels moist. Was he in the shower? It's a sight to behold - naked Jeff in the shower, hot water descending his beautiful physique. Damn, if this is my dream, how come there's only voices and touches?! I want to visualize my beautiful Jeff.
Jeff seems to be pounding on the wall with one of his fist, while holding me still with his other arm. He yells on top of his voice, "Nick! come over! Quick!" His voice is shaky, the kind of voice of someone who's holding back crying.
Strange. Why's Jeff crying in my dream? Or, this isn't a dream?
"Hey, it's alright. I'm just sick. It's no big deal." I want to tell him that. But I can't find my voice. It's okay, they'll know I'm only having a bad flu. Thankfully, this losing voice thing isn't happening on the stage.
Jeff is now planting quick, kisses on my cheeks and forehead now. Wow! If being sick can get Jeff back to me, I should've been sick long long time ago. He whispers, "Stay with me, don't go. I can't lose you."
Then I heard Nick's voice. "What's going on? What's wrong with Drew?"
"I don't know..." Jeff's definitely crying now. I can feel hot tears from him falling onto my face. "I saw these empty bottles of vodka and that empty case of sleeping pills." Jeff sobs. "I've knocking on the door for minutes..." Another sob. "I broke in and found him unconscious. He's not waking up no matter what I've tried." I can bearly hear the last words from him. He's sobbing heavily.
"Stay with him. I'll get the ambulance and Justin." I hear Nick hurriedly leaves the room.
Wait a minute... Am I unconscious? And vodka? I was drinking water. Hey, don't get the wrong idea! I'm just trying to get some sleep.
Wait... I'm drooling... No, I'm NOT drooling. Something's leaking out of my mouth! What the f......
I blackout again.
I come slowly to my senses. I'm in a hospital room. There's a tube going into my left wrist.
On the right, there's Jeff holding my hand.
He sees I'm awake. He smiles to me. His eyes are red. Gorgeous blue eyes have been crying.
"Hey, babe." Jeff says softly.
"Hey, sexy." I say weakly.
He brings my weak hand up and rubs again his face. "Don't you ever pull another prank like that on me, again. I would come after you if you're gone."
Jeff is being serious.
"Would you forgive me?"
"No, would you forgive me?"
"Why? I'm the stupid one who's made all the mess."
"And I was too blind to see how much you've done for me."
"You know?"
"Lea told me."
"I should've told you before I made it public."
"I should've trusted you."
I sighed. "I can never be mad at you. Besides it's not your fault."
"So, will you take me back?" Jeff asked sheepishly.
"I thought it was my question to ask."
"I want no one but you."
"What about Nick then?"
"Don't mention that asshole's name." Jeff's temper rises.
"He's my brother, your best friend, once your lover."
"I'm so stupid to fall for his tricks. If he weren't your brother, I would've torn him into pieces already."
Something's deadly wrong. "Why would you say that?"
Rages shows in Jeff's blue eyes. "That bastard took those pictures! He was manipulating us to get to me." Jeff says through clenched teeth. "It's him who put us through so much suffering. I can't forgive him doing this to you. He's your very own brother - someone who should be protecting you rather than hurting you!"
It's shocking to learn the truth. But somehow, it doesn't sound too surprising to me.
"Babe, don't blame him. Nick's just too much in love with you. He wants you badly. He just shows it in an inappropriate way." My hand is stroking lightly on his lips. This always seems to claim him down. "Nick's only jealous of what we have. Give him time, he'll get over it."
"How come you're so thoughtful and understanding? What have I done in my other lives to deserve you?" Jeff's eyes soften. He brings my hand to his lips and kisses my fingers.
"That mean's you're taking me back?" I ask, just to make sure.
"Only on one condition."
"Which is?"
"Divorce Lea. Marry me instead."
I'm shocked. I'm sure we both have thought about that. But we haven't talked about the possibilities. It's going to cost us our career - something we both know for sure.
"I'm not that sure..." I stammer. I love the idea, but I don't want Jeff to deal with the consequences.
"My career can go to hell. You ARE my only dream ever since you came into my life." Jeff gets up from his chair and leans forward kissing me on the lips. Wetting my dry lips. "Besides, the world will know sooner or later." Jeff says with a grin.
I look at him, confused.
Jeff just smiles and takes off his shirt. He puts my right hand onto his left chest, guiding my fingers to touch his new tattoo above his nipple.
There're four chinese characters. I know the last three - Jeff has shown me before that they're my name "Andrew" in chinese. I think I recognize the first one, but I can't remember its meaning.
"It means 'Love'. I'm telling the world that I 'Love Andrew'." Jeff just smiles and looks at me. "I put it here 'cause it's the closest to my heart."
Can I say 'no' to such a man?
Copyright © by Jasper Jeff