*----- Joe James ? 03
Hi
This is, a you probably know, a story. Fiction, not reality, and so no, it's not about you, whatever you might believe. As usual, if you shouldn't be reading this for whatever reason, or you don't like the idea of boys falling in love, then don't stay here and read this. If you enjoy this story, or anything else on this site, please donate at http://www.nofty.org/donate.html And finally, your feedback is always welcome, you can contact me at secret_writer@outlook.com.
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Twenty past four, and I'm pacing around the house like a mad man.
Checking my phone, and the door, and looking out of the window every few seconds. It's not as though Marcus was late or anything, but I was nervous.
"Will you sit the fuck down Joe?" I think Callum was getting annoyed with me.
"He'll be here I'm sure."
"Of course he'll be here. Why wouldn't he be here? Why would you even say that? Oh god he's not going to come is he."
"Joe! Stop it, it's all going to be OK. But you seem pretty nervous for 'just dinner'."
"I just want.... I want it to go OK is all."
"Yeah, right. Because you always look like this for dinner. This is so a date."
He had a point. I'd spent the best part of the last three hours getting ready. After showering, for the second time today, I'd been picking clothes, and doing my hair. I think I've probably tried on every single item of clothing that I own, and nearly every combination of them possible. Finally, I decided on black skinny jeans, red trainers, and the most expensive T-shirt I own which is white and looks like there's hundreds of paint splats in red, black, and gold. It's really nicely fitted though, and I think I look good in it. And then hair. I realised that Marcus had only ever seen my with my 'sensible' hair style, the one I go with to stop my parents commenting too much about how I look when we go somewhere 'nice'. Neat, swept to one side, and with enough product to keep it that way for years. Usually it's far more casual looking. But what if Marcus doesn't like it. What if he see's me like this and realises that actually I'm not very attractive at all, and he certainly doesn't like me, or just realises that he's made a huge mistake and drives off, leaving me crying on my own doorstep. Oh god, that's what's going to happen. He's going to park right outside, and I'll go out to meet him and he's take one look at me, change his mind, and drive away, never coming back again. I'd reached this point several times over the afternoon, and usually Callum would notice and talk to me, and remind me that I'm perhaps being just a tiny bit paranoid for no reason. I guess he pays more attention that I'd thought. Anyway, I went with my more usual hair, waxed and messy. But messy in a very particular way, like a cross between 'bed head' and 'beach hair'. Yes, they are totally different things.
"It's not a date! His whole family are going to be there, it's just dinner."
"Whatever Joe. Hey, does he drive a black BMW?"
"Yes, why?"
"Because he's coming down the drive. Have a good time."
"I won't be too late back, tell Mum and Dad will you?"
"OK, and Joe, you got condoms right?"
"Callum!"
"What? You got to play safe bro."
"I'm going for dinner, there's no way anything like that is going to happen!"
"I'm just saying."
"And yes, actually, I've thought about that already. You know, just in case."
"Good, so..... you going to just stand here talking to me or you going to answer the door before someone else does?"
I didn't immediately follow, but then the doorbell rang. I ran past Callum and into the hallway as quickly as I could, but my Mum walked out of the Kitchen just in front of me so I couldn't get to the door first, leaving me standing slightly awkwardly halfway down the hall as Mum opened the door.
"Oh, erm.... Hi Mrs James. Is Joe in?"
It was unavoidable now, Mum was going to talk to Marcus.
"Yes, he's been getting ready all day, hang on..."
"Hi Marcus" I did my best to interrupt
"Mum, this is Marcus, I told you he was picking me up."
"Not exactly Joe" she turned to face me.
"When you said you were going out for dinner I got the impression that.... well..." Looking back at Marcus, she continued "You're just not what I was expecting."
"OK then, great, we'll talk later. Got to go now though, I won't be too late home. Bye!"
I crashed past Mum and more or less pushed Marcus backwards as I went out of the door, closing it behind me. Neither of us spoke until the car doors were closed. God he was beautiful. He leaned closer to me, going to kiss me. I put my hand on his chest and pushed him away.
"Not here, just drive away, please."
"Joe? Is everything OK?"
I looked towards the window, where sure enough, Mum and Callum were stood, watching us. I waved, sarcastically, if such a thing is possible.
"Oh, yeah, I see. Sorry."
"No, I'm sorry Marcus. But I haven't really said anything to Mum and I don't want to make it any more awkward when I get home than it will be already."
He squeezed my thigh and we pulled away, driving us back to his place.
We talked easily, not that there was much to catch up on, we saw each other yesterday. Arriving at his house, it was like a slightly different world. Everyone seemed happy, friendly, pleased to see me, nice. Marcus took hold of my hand as we stood in the kitchen talking to his Dad, and it felt amazing. I know it's a stupid little thing, but holding hands, with Marcus, in front of people, yeah, it was good. I followed Marcus upstairs, where I paused briefly to say Hi to Tom and Leanne. Walking in to Marcus' room, I couldn't help but notice how tidy everything was. He must have spent all day cleaning up. He closed the door and literally picked me up off my feet, and dropped me on the bed.
"I missed you, Joe James."
"You can't have missed me, it's only been 24 hours!"
"Well I missed you anyway."
Marcus sat next to me.
"You look amazing Joe, loving the hair."
"Thanks, I usually look more like this."
"Can I kiss you now?"
"Yeah Marcus, I think that would probably be OK."
We fell backwards, kissing and holding each other. Yes, I could definitely get used to this. Our family friendly, clothes staying on, make out session eventually calmed down into talking and cuddling. I guess we were getting to know each other a bit more, talking about stuff we have done, what we want to do, films we like, music, games, just, all kinds of rubbish boring everyday crap. Marcus put some music on and we just hung out together, which doesn't sound like loads of fun, but was actually seriously great. Obviously something had gone very wrong with the universe though, because time had definitely sped up, and Tom was shouting us for dinner.
Dinner was completely amazing. Not just in that the food was great, but the whole thing was totally enjoyable. Everyone just sitting around, eating, talking, laughing, it all felt so relaxed and friendly. I suppose I'm not used to feeling like that. Yet again, time in this house seemed like it went by so much faster than usual, and it was 9:30pm when we had all finished eating. I offered to help tidy up the dishes and things, and very quickly, if not slightly too obviously, it was just me and Marcus in the kitchen. Unlike the first time we were in here alone, we were mostly tidying up, instead of mostly kissing. But there was still a fair bit of that too.
"I'm really pleased you came over Joe."
"Me too, I've really enjoyed it."
I was stood by the sink, rinsing plates, and I could feel Marcus stood right behind me. His arms coming right around my chest, his breath on the side of my neck.
"So I've been thinking..." he said.
"Yeah?"
"About what you said to me, about you."
"Oh. Is that a good thing?"
"Joe, it's always a good thing to be thinking about you. But, I was thinking about something in particular."
"I bet you were."
"Well yes, of course. But no, not that. I think we should go on a date.
Like a proper, I'll come and pick you up and take you out type of date."
I looked up, watching Marcus in the reflection in the window. He was watching me, and of course I was smiling.
"That would be amazing Marcus."
"Good. So I was thinking, maybe Friday, I'll come pick you up at 7?"
"Erm, yes, OK. Where are we going?"
"It's a surprise."
"So how will I know what to wear?"
"Well this, how you look tonight, which, by the way, is incredible, this will do just fine."
"Fine!?"
I turned around to face him.
"I was really hoping I might have done better than 'fine', but whatever."
"Joe, as you must already know, you look totally stunning, and I must be the luckiest guy in the world. You think it's easy to sit right next to you all evening and not have my hands all over you?"
He looked so delicate right then. Like I really could have crushed him.
Not that I would ever want to hurt him, but his usual confidence was suddenly just a little bit less concrete.
"Marcus I was joking, the date sounds amazing, and I can't wait. And stop looking like that, if this is going to work then I'm going to be the high maintenance insecure one OK? I got nothing else."
As a reply, he kissed me, deliberately, firmly.
"Joe, you have everything. But OK."
I said goodbye to everyone else, and Marcus drove me home. It was a much easier journey than the last time, more comfortable, much less tense.
Before I had thought about it, we were on the driveway, pulling up by my house. I had meant to get him to drop me off on the road, but it was too late now. Any hope of a quiet entrance were gone as I saw the curtains move in the window as my Mum looked out. Marcus noticed it too, and squeezed my thigh.
"Are you going to tell her?"
"Looks that way doesn't it."
"You want me to come in with you?"
"No!"
He removed his hand from my thigh, and I immediately regretted it.
"I just mean, I think I need to talk to her alone, and you can meet her another time. I don't know how this is going to work out yet."
"OK, well will you let me know how it goes later? Call me, or at least message me."
"Of course I will."
I so wanted to kiss him, but couldn't find the nerve to do it with my mum watching. After all, it's hardly the most subtle way of telling her I'm gay and 'oh by the way this is my boyfriend' is it. So instead, I smiled, felt slightly awkward, and got out of the car.
"Joe?"
I turned back, Marcus had wound down the window.
"Yes?"
"Good luck."
I watched him drive away before closing the front door, and took a couple of seconds to calm myself. I walked in to the lounge feigning as much 'just like any other day' as I could manage. Mum was now sat on the sofa with a glass of wine doing much the same. I sat in a chair on the other side of the room.
"Hi Joe, how was dinner?"
"Oh, yeah, it was OK."
"Just OK?"
"No, it was good."
"So... anything we should talk about?"
"I'm not sure, what do you mean?" Like I didn't know what she meant.
"Joe, I realise that I've maybe been making assumptions, but I couldn't help but notice..."
"Right. What did Callum tell you?"
"Callum? Nothing. Why?"
"Oh, I just wondered."
"So he knows?"
"Knows what?"
"OK, I can see his could go on all night. Joe, you've just been out for dinner, which you literally spent all day getting ready for, with a boy.
Now tell me if I'm totally missing the point here, but I'm thinking that maybe there's something in this that we should talk about."
"Yes, OK, maybe."
"Joe, I really don't care if you're gay, or bi, or whatever. But you don't need to hide it from me."
"I'm not hiding anything Mum, it's just never been important before."
"And is it important now?"
"It might be. And yes, I'm gay, which is fine with me, and Callum knows."
"And everyone else?"
"What do you mean?"
"Does everyone else know?"
"Mum it's not a secret. But probably not. Like I said, it's never been important before. You can tell the whole town if you want to."
"Joe, that's up to you. I just wish you'd have told me before."
"Well, you know now. Are you going to tell dad?"
"Not unless you want to do it."
"No, it's fine, you can tell him. He'll know soon enough."
"So tell me about Marcus."
"What?"
"If you're going out with someone, no matter who, I want to know who it is. Is he your boyfriend?"
"No Mum! We're just friends."
"Just friends?"
"No, but he's not my boyfriend, not yet anyway."
"Oh. So he might be?"
Her smile made it feel easier to tell her.
"I hope so."
We talked for an hour or so, a bit about Marcus, mostly about me, how long had I known, all the usual stuff people want to know. But it was all surprisingly OK. Not that I had really though she was going to throw me out on the street or anything like that. I know that sort of thing happens to some people, which is terrible, but I guess I knew it wouldn't be that bad. But still, one of the scariest conversations I've ever had.
I went upstairs, not entirely certain how the conversation with dad was going to go, but feeling OK enough. Callum was standing in my doorway before I reached the top of the stairs.
"So that didn't go so bad?"
"You heard?"
"Yeah, you didn't even close the door."
"Oh, right. Well yes, she seemed OK about it."
"Of course she was. So how was your date?"
"Not a date, just dinner."
"Yeah, of course, so how was just dinner?"
"Awesome!"
"So it's official, you've got a boyfriend!?"
"No, it's not official. But we're going on a date on Friday, so maybe after then."
"Cool!"
"Callum?"
"Yeah?"
"Go away."
I was feeling tired, but sleep did not come easily. Far too many thoughts filling my head. Mostly about Marcus. And me and Marcus. And the rest of my life. So nothing too major. But still, I had college in the morning. And the next morning, the then three more.
To say it was the longest week at college in the history of anyone doing anything ever would still be an understatement.