Jordans Story

It's This Way.

A tongue in cheek(s) explanation of why erotic story authors get writer's block.

It's This Way....

(This is reasonably true. Well, sort of. Okay, I took a fair bit of artistic license. No, I'm lying through my teeth, but it doesn't matter because I'm the author and I can write whatever I want, whenever I want, yuk, yuk, yuk.)

Slap! Sir. Lift your hands off the mouse and step slowly away from the keyboard, now. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

I hear chuckles in the background. That is definitely the wrong word. Okay, try this out. The names have been changed because while I usually know who I am, although sometimes I'm someone else, and he knows who he is, we both find it amusing to see parts of ourselves in all the characters.

And he loves to see parts of himself in me. Yeah, those parts. Only the best parts. And he has some very nice parts that are well worth seeing. Nice smooth chest, browned from working in the yard. Thick muscular legs curving into a tight round butt. Strong arms and hard hands. Speaking of thick and hard... Ummmm.... (Oops, I digress again.)

Hi, judging by the email I have been getting, some of you are anxious to know what happens next with Jordan and Nate. I have been working on the sequels, really, I have. Butt..., I have this slight problem with a distraction or two.

Well, really only one. His name is Kenny. (Yes, Kenny, I'm talking about you.) You see, the problem is that he insists that it is the author's responsibility to use accurate information. Therefore, he makes me rehearse some of the scenes before he lets me publish them. Take the hot tub scene. Oh, you haven't gotten to it yet? Probably because I was so tired afterwards my fingers turned to jelly, along with the rest of me. It hasn't made it to the keyboard yet. Here, I'll show you why.

'He turned me around and urged me to kneel on one of the submerged benches. I obeyed, glancing over my shoulder and watching him. Ken pushed my knees apart slightly, then a little more. He knew he had the right height when my eyes widened and I suddenly looked down between my legs. The jet pulsing the water was perfectly aimed at my rapidly hardening cock, firmly, but not too sharply, massaging my cock and balls, the bubbles tickling and floating up to brush against my exposed asshole, carried in the stream of water flowing between my legs. I leaned my arms against the edge and enjoyed the contrast of the hot water and cool tiles.

'Ken's hands stroked my back and ribs, down my legs, and across my arms. I relished the touch of my love's hard hands. He knows exactly how to twist a nipple until it's hard and aching for his mouth. His hard chest is against my back; I lean into his warm embrace. Slowly he guided his big hard cock to my hole and pushed gently, disrupting the flow of the water, letting it massage his cock and furry balls as he gently probed, then entered me.

'His strokes were slow and deep, thrusting in faster as my breathing sped up and my heart raced with the swelling stretch of his big cock possessing me, filling my ass, hot and hard.'

Needless to say, by the time we finished practicing that scene a few times, (Kenny insists on perfection), I was in no shape to cum up with anything more than I already had. Literally or figuratively.

Oh, hi, Ken. Yes, I'm talking about you. I'm trying to explain to my wonderful readers why I was being so slow getting their next installment to them. You want to help me? Thanks. Okay, I'll try to get back to work now.

Umm, Ken? What are you doing? Uh, I noticed. It was really hard not to notice, or is that, it is now too Hard not to notice? Yes, I like your tongue there. Yes I love it when you suck on those, but it kind of distracts me from my writing. Go ahead? (Oh my head!) I don't think I can write coherently with your finger there. No, one is not enough! Stop teasing. Please, more... Oh, yes... I don't think I can think coherently with your fingers up there. Oh, the spell checker is going to get a work out on this one.

Later. Sorry for the break, but I had to put the splashguard on the keyboard. Saves a lot of effort later on. Wimp, you say? You could write through that? Ha! I bet not. Here, let's have a little test and we'll see who gets distracted first.

Okay. First, unzip your jeans. Go ahead, don't be bashful. No one's watching you. He is? Well, don't worry; he'll enjoy it too. All right, now scoop out everything you find in there and let the elastic of your underwear hold it out between your legs. What? You're not wearing any underwear? Oh you baaddd boy. There's stories out there about what happens to naughty boys like you. You'd like that wouldn't you? I see you licking your lips. Hold that thought. We'll get back to you. And front, and side, and...

Okay, for those of you who have not slipped off into the bondage and punishment aisle with 'that reader', put your first two fingers in your mouth and get them really, really wet. Yep, that's the way. Lots of tongue action, swirl it around and suck gently, sliding down to the ends slowly. Oh yeah... Now, reach down and slowly swirl them around the head of your hard cock. Don't forget the slit. It likes attention too. (Ummm, any ladies, please translate to appropriate body parts. Thank you.)

Hey you! Let go of that! You're reading ahead again, aren't you? Stop that. Wait for the rest of us.

Now, where were we? Oh yes, slide that other hand down and cup those balls. Now roll them gently; don't forget to rub that nice smooth spot right behind them too. It needs attention also. Now grip firmly, but not too tightly and go up and down. Throw in a little finger action right at that sensitive spot. You know where to find it. There, that's it. Are you hard yet? Good. Okay, now imagine your hand is really Kenny's and your wet fingers are his mouth. Now do you see why I can't type when he is under the desk amusing himself with me?

Hey you! Watch out! Oh yuck. I told you to put a splashguard on the keyboard. Does anyone out there know a good way to get cum out of the keys? You could have a real problem there.

Hi Ken, what are you doing? You're going to help me write? Okay, but the last time you helped me it took me quite a while to get my mind away from your help. Not to mention my face out of your crotch. That reminds you? Of what? Oh. Uh, guys? I'll be back in a minute. Mama always said not to type with my mouth full, or was that talk? Mmmffmmmph....

Um, Ken, that's my seat. Sit on your lap, you say? Okay, if you say so. Uh Kenny, your lap is kind of lumpy, and uh, rather hard. I'm wearing too many clothes? Take off my shorts? I don't really see how that will help you get rid of that bulge in your shorts, but okay.

Oohhh! You are going to hide it there! Ouch! Ooohhh! Aahhh! Yes, that's much better. No, I don't mind. Anything for you, Love. You think that Nate could last more than five minutes like this? Well, I never timed it exactly. Time it now? Okay!

(On my hands and knees on the floor. Thank goodness for thick carpets. You won't believe some of the places he's given me rug burn!) Yeah, uh huh. I hear the timer. Fuck the timer. No! I take that back. Keep on fucking me! Ignore the timer. Yea, just like that. Nice and deep. Oh, you feel like a log back there. I can feel the sweat drip from you and pool on my back. The slap of your hard furry balls against mine. It's a good thing you put that towel down first, I'm dripping like a faucet. Five minutes is definitely not long enough. I admit it. Yes, my balls are tight now. Ooh yes, I can feel that tingle, now the hot pulsing. Catch it in your hand. Share? Yeah, I'll share it with you, but only if you give me mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Yummy.

Write? Now? Kennnnnieee! You have to be kidding. I have this great idea for a really hot scene involving you on your back, legs spread as wide as you can, and me eating what ever turns me on. Go for it? Oh Yeah!!!! Bye folks.