Just Looking
This is a work of fiction focused on male/male sex. If this is not to your taste or you are not of legal age (in your area) then please leave now.
Note: The final two chapters of this story are written from Neil's perspective
Three
I probably seem like the villain of this story, and in some ways perhaps I am. But you have to understand how terrifying it is to suddenly discover something about you that you never knew existed. It felt amazing to touch, kiss and taste Dan's body, and then to hold him in my arms all night was so comforting. Even though it was the first time I'd had his beautiful naked body in my arms, it felt so familiar, like it belonged to me... and that thought terrified me beyond words. And then we kissed again in the dark alley and his lips sucked the sense of reality out of my body, it was like I was falling in an endless pit, his curiously familiar body pressed against me and made it feel like falling forever was the best thing that could happen to me... but that feeling In itself was so potent I had to push him away. I'm not explaining it properly, but the bottom line is I'm fucking terrified by the effect he has on me, I want to be able to control my body and my mind... and I felt like I was losing control so I had to stop it.
But it's been four weeks now, and like he promised, Dan had literally cut me out of his life with such ease. We haven't spoken once, I've seen him at uni on occasions but he cleverly avoids getting close to me... I see him at a distance and feel the overwhelming urge to walk up to him and beat him up... to kick the shit out of him for throwing away our friendship without a fight. I feel lost and confused without him, he was always here, we did everything together, he was the only person in the world who I can tolerate at all times, no matter what my mood I liked him to be there, while I sometimes tend to shut people out when I want to be alone, it was different with him. He's left a big void in my life, an abyss that needs filling for my life to make some sense. I need him.
It was a Friday night again, four weeks since that ill-fated day when I slept with Dan and ruined a perfect friendship. Emma, Pete and a couple of my other mates convinced me to go out that night, I wasn't in the mood and would have preferred to be left alone for the night, but I couldn't turn them down yet again, they had already asked enough compromising questions about my troubles with Dan, which considering our previous `joined at the hip' reputation, seemed inevitable. So I agreed to go out with them and once I got there I acknowledged with delight and then unsurpassed agony that Dan was there too but it seemed he wasn't alone...
I noticed that the guy Dan had entered the club with could well be much more than a mate or casual acquaintance. I had a bottle of Bacardi Breezer in my hand and was making my way back to where Emma, Pete and my mates were sat when I spotted Dan sitting on the outrageous red sofa under the stairs, but he wasn't alone... his friend' was sat right next to him, almost in his lap and he shamelessly leaned forward and whispered something in Dan's ear which made Dan laugh in that sexy way he always does, and then I witnessed him rubbing his face in Dan's neck. In that brief moment I felt such an agonizing surge of jealousy that I nearly lost my balance. Dan was giggling and this seemed to encourage his friend' further, I noticed with unexpected fury the way his hand slid up the inside of Dan's thigh while his teeth closed around the smooth skin on the nape of Dan's neck. I leaned against the frame to steady my outraged body. But then I thought was it fair for me to be angry? Had I not turned Dan down myself, had I not willingly given up the opportunity to be sitting next to Dan now with my lips on his skin instead of this other bloke's?
Dan and his friend' got up and headed through the double doors which I knew led to the dimly lit pool rooms in the back. There were four of them and usually never used on a club night like today, without stopping to think I followed them through the double doors and then peered into each one in turn, when I came to the last one, I was disappointed to see that there was no window to look through, I glanced around desperately and spotted a small crack in the door, it wasn't fully closed, holding my breath I pushed it open a few inches more and peered through. I breathed an enormous sigh of relief when I saw that it appeared to be purely innocent, Dan's lean frame was bending over the table with the cue in his hand, he was taking aim... but then his friend' appeared and held Dan's slim hips, he pressed up against him and slid his hands down the sides of Dan's legs and leaned over him, I couldn't see exactly what he did but from Dan's girly giggle I assumed he either licked or nibbled on his earlobe.
There was a sharp pain in the pit of my stomach as I unconsciously chewed my bottom lip watching with horror as Dan's milky skin was exposed when his `friend' lifted his shirt and slipped his hands underneath. I couldn't stand to watch it for too long, I stumbled back and headed towards my girlfriend in a state of shock and devastation. Why did the sight of Dan in somebody else's arms, make me feel so lousy and pathetic? Because I was pathetic... I was a coward when I turned him down... it was my own fault, so yes I am the villain of the piece but if you knew just how much I was hurting at that point you might be a bit more compassionate.
Dan and his friend re-appeared some fifteen minutes later, both of them were positively glowing and my mind unwittingly drew up a whole list of things that might have happened between them in the pool room. I closed my eyes and I pictured them shagging on the pool table, I imagined Dan's beautiful body being groped and licked by that guy and it made me sick... I wanted to walk across and punch the living daylights out of the wanker... but then what would I do? Walk away again, return to my girlfriend like a good little boy and carry on pretending that I was happy, continue to hide how much I ached for Dan. I acknowledged with humility that I was still not man enough to do what Dan did, to break up with his girlfriend because he was being true to himself... I didn't have the balls to do it!
That night when I got back home, after using every deceitful excuse in the book to get out of spending the night with Emma, I shed all my clothes and lay naked on the bed, my cock was soft between my legs as I cradled my head in my hands and stared at the white ceiling. It became like a canvas for my thoughts, images and words appeared on it almost magically. Dan's face, his perfect nose, his thin lips, his brooding deep eyes, his electrifying smile, his adorable dimples, his silky brown hair... everything about him... irresistible but out of reach. My cock stiffened urgently, I got a hard on at the mere thought of running my trembling lips across Dan's gorgeous face. I watched the ceiling with severe concentration as it showed me how perfect Dan and I looked together, how our bodies fitted into each other with unparalleled perfection. I lowered my hand slowly and curled my fingers around my aching erection; I squeezed it gently and moaned delightfully, my lips pursed and my toes curled. I started stroking up and down my shaft in a slow rhythmic pattern, flicking my thumb across my piss slit and working my foreskin back and forth over the purple head.
"Ughh Dan" I gasped breathlessly, my legs opened wider and my heavy balls cried out to be caressed, I reached down with my other hand and massaged my testicles relentlessly, my dick was starting to pour out copious amounts of precum, aiding the strokes of my fist...I dug my toes into the mattress and threw my head back feverishly,
I could almost feel the soft hungry kisses Dan would unleash on my neck, his sultry tongue would lick along the nape and venture behind my ear, his gentle hands would hold my writhing body with such tenderness, his hot breath would tease my cheeks, his whispers would excite me even more, his burning eyes would make my dick pulsate blissfully, his hands would slide across my bare chest...
I let out a grunt and traced the single vein down the underside of my shaft... my eyes were glazing over; my body was hot and sensitive all over... I imagined Dan's luscious lips searching their way down my abdomen, his tongue tapping vivaciously at my smooth navel... his careful fingers handling my engorged cock, his thumb brushing over the crown...
My eyes rolled back in my head and I arched my back and lifted my arse off the mattress, I thrust my cock into the air and fisted it rapidly... my mind was in a frenzy, my body was sweaty as I jerked my cock harder and faster, so close to the edge, with Dan's enigmatic eyes urging me on, I gasped and grunted audaciously, my balls tightened, Dan's lips curled up in a knowing smile and I smiled back at the blank ceiling... I relaxed when he winked and my cock spasmed before shooting a jet of creamy white cum into the air.
I lay ridiculously in my own cum. My cock was now flaccid and my eyes staring blankly ahead of me. I couldn't bare to move, I couldn't stand the thought of looking at my cum covered crotch... I felt ashamed and embarrassed. I reached out and hugged the pillow tight; I kissed it as if it was Dan... I realised just how hopeless and foolish I was becoming. I stayed like that for almost an hour, naked, spent and alone. A number of thoughts passed through my head but I didn't concentrate on any of them, finally I got up and went to take a shower and then fell into a restless sleep.
I wondered how I had fallen so deep so fast.
The next day I came to a resolution, it was hasty but you'll notice how often decisions made in haste prove to be better than the well thought out and overly debated ones. I got dressed and headed to Dan's flat. I was feeling surprisingly glad as I ventured down the streets; the crisp autumn leaves crackling under my persistent footsteps. When I got to Dan's flat I knocked on the door excitedly, but when the door was opened by the guy that was with Dan at the club last night, my heart sank and I just stared at him impassively for a few moments. "Can I help you mate?" he enquired. "I'm here to see Dan" I recovered, trying to look past his shoulder. He was wearing boxers and a t-shirt, which drove home the message of what had most likely happened here the night before.
"He's asleep right now"
"I'm his friend he won't mind me waking him" I muttered and pushed my way past him.
He followed me hurriedly, "Hey what's the big idea, you can't just barge in" he was nattering away as I walked towards Dan's bedroom.
I ignored him and swung Dan's door open. He lay there face down, his silky hair was ruffled, his lips open sexily, the white duvet was covering his body from his arse down so his strong smooth back was on show.
"I need to talk to him alone" I warned Dan's bit of meat.
"Look..." he tried to argue but Dan woke up at that point and turned in his bed, as he rolled over the duvet slid down slightly and I caught sight of his brown pubes and milky hips, my throat felt dry as I stared at him lustily. Dan looked positively stunned; he clutched the duvet and sat up brusquely.
"Neil?" he stammered
"He just barged in" Dan's little friend moaned annoyingly.
"Umm it's okay Jase I know him, will you give us a few minutes babe?" Dan said. Babe? What the fuck was that all about! Jase blushed outrageously and walked out. I kicked the door shut after him and then turned to face Dan, he had a confused look on his face, and I could see he was unsettled. He looked fucking adorable! And then I saw the love bite on his neck and I recalled witnessing it the night before.
"Who is he?" I asked stupidly, wanting to hear it from the horse's mouth.
Dan shrugged, "He's not you," he whispered despondently.
My heart fluttered. I edged towards the bed, "I saw you guys out last night," I informed him.
He nodded and sighed, "What are you doing here Neil?" he asked harshly. The resentment in his eyes was still fresh and hurtful.
"I want us to work things out mate"
He laughed loudly, "You've got to be kidding"
To Be Continued...
Comments, criticism and suggestions can be sent to sean_uk_02@yahoo.co.uk Thanks for all the feedback thus far, its much appreciated.