Just the Truth

People!

As you can see this chapter is out a lot sooner than most of you might have expected, but now I do have the time and the willing to write.

I don't think I'll send another chapter before Christmas, so I better say this now. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Enjoy the couple of days of easiness we get every year. Try not to fight with your families, there's nothing more uncomfortable than spending the holidays mad at each other.

It feels like finally the story is heading somewhere, don't you think? Feedback is always appreciated, so drop me a line at: jmfluder@hotmail.com

To the other part of my soul. Just try to be happy and don't you dare forgetting me through the holidays!

The usual disclaimer, I don't know them. I don't know if this real. As far as I'm concern, this is just the product of my imagination.

Now with the story...

Just the truth By M. F. Luder

Chapter 9

Kevin walked around his living room. Brian was supposed to arrive any minute now. He had wanted to call him last night, but by the time he had arrived at his house, it had been pretty late and the last thing he wanted was to wake up his cousin. He wanted to talk with him this morning, but was stuck in one of the meetings and didn't have time until now - early afternoon.

The doorbell rang and Kevin went to open it. Walking into the living room, Brian close by, he sat on the couch and waited for Brian to do the same.

"What is it Kev?" the younger man questioned. He had been quite surprised when Kevin had called him about half an hour ago and requested he came by his house as soon as possible.

Kevin looked up from his folded hand to me the inquire gaze of his own blood. "I went to talk with Matt last night."

Brian couldn't have been more surprised at Kevin's statement. He'd been hoping for his older cousin to talk with the college student, but hadn't thought it'd be so soon. "What did he say?"

The dark haired man took a deep breath. "He said he liked me."

"And?"

"And I kissed him." He added with a small smile on his lips. What had he been thinking in that moment? He didn't know. When he heard Matt say that it wouldn't work between the two of them, the only rational thought he had was the fact that he hadn't said he didn't like him. Just that they were too different. His emotions took over him the moment he walked over the younger man and proceeded to kiss him.

The younger Kentucky cousin was death stunned with this revelation. Kevin had always been the kind of guy that thought too much about things. Spontaneity was an unknown word for him. And kissing Matt, after how hard he had tried to suppress his feelings for him, was totally not Kevin-like.

"What did he do?" he wished Kevin would just tell him the end of the story and he wouldn't have to take it out of him bit by bit.

"He kissed me back."

"Kevin, damn! Would you say more than one sentence at the time!" The younger man snapped.

Kevin couldn't help but chuckle. "Sorry Bri. I asked him to be my boyfriend. He said yes." He finished grinning at him.

"That's great!" Brian stood up and walked over his older cousin, engulfing him into a tight hug. "I can't believe you told him."

The older man returned the hug. Pulling away, he answered. "Yesterday I was thinking it over and I knew I had to tell him. When I went to his house, he was still in classes. I think I waited almost four hours for him to arrive. He arrived on his own and said that Kate went over to a friend's house. I didn't know how to tell him Brian." He looked up at his younger cousin and saw him smiling. "I decided the best would be for me to come out to him."

With a silly grin plastered in his face, he continued. "I was dead surprised when he told me he was gay as well. Then, well, I told him how I felt for him. He said we were too different, but never said he didn't like me, so I went for it. I kissed him. Then he said he liked me and I asked him to be my boyfriend."

"That's so great Kev!" Sitting back on the couch, he looked up at his smiling cousin. "What now?"

"Now? What are you talking about?"

"Are you going to tell the guys?"

Resting his head against the cushion, Kevin closed his eyes. "I don't know..." he said doubtfully.

Brian placed a hand on the older man's shoulder before speaking. "It was different when it was about Greg." He didn't see Kevin flinch at the name. "The guys didn't know him, but they are friends with Matt. Don't you think he's gonna feel awkward when we're all hanging out together and you're acting like just a friend with him?"

"What if--" he started, but was cut off by his younger cousin.

"There are not going to hate you Kevin. All of them look up to you. Even Howie. They'll be happy as long as you're happy. And when they see you with Matt, they'll realize it's him who makes you happy."

He could feel his eyes filling with tears, as he thought of how the guys would react. He loved them dearly - like his own children - and would be devastated if they thought any less of him just because he liked the same gender.

"I'll be there with you. And so will Matt. I can even bet my money that Kate knows about him - and now about you - as well, they are so close I don't think he'd be able to hide anything from her even if he wanted to. If any of them say something less than understanding about it, we'll kick their asses."

Kevin laugh at the scene Brian painted for him. "Yeah, I'm sure Kate knows." Opening his eyes, he focused on his cousin's beautiful set of blue eyes. "You think they won't take it bad?" he questioned hopefully, needing the reassurance.

The younger man smiled. "Of course. You know AJ, he's cool with anything. Howie would never think different of people - specially someone close to him - just because they've chosen different. And Nick, he still sees you as his 'foster dad'. He'd do anything for your happiness."

Nodding, Kevin answered. "I'll tell them next time we're all together."

Brian smiled in agreement. He was deeply pleased that Kevin had finally decided on telling them, he'd feel a lot more calm with the guys not having to hide his feelings. "Then prepare Kevin, we're getting together later today."

"What?" He hadn't been told about the getting together of that day.

"Nick called me earlier today and said we're all meeting at Matt's place. He probably couldn't reach you this morning."

"I was supposed to go over to his place this afternoon."

The younger man shrugged. "Then I guess you've got company. It's ok Kev. It's better if you tell them today."

Looking at his cousin, he tried to look calm, even though he was totally scared. "Then I guess I'm telling them today."

"It'll be ok. I'm sure of that."

Kevin sighed. "I hope so."

As I heard the bell rang, I started placing all my books in my backpack. The anatomy class hadn't bee so bad, but I still was dyeing to get home.

Seeing Kate approaching, I smiled.

"Ready?"

I nodded. "Yeah, lets get going." Taking both my bag and Kate's, we made our way to the parking lot.

I threw both the bags to the back seat, and started the engine.

"Worried?" she questioned as she looked for something to listen.

"A little. When are the guys arriving, anyway?"

"Six thirty. Enough time for us to get home and relax before they arrive." Turning to look at me, she continued. "You're more than a little worried, aren't you?"

What was it with her and her tendencies to reading me like an open book? "Just tired."

"Tired my hair! What is it Matt?"

I laughed at her use of words. Neither of us was very fond of cursing and had adopted different ways of something with more simple words. That was one of them. "It's going to pass, ok? Don't worry."

I heard her sigh and knew she was more than worried about me. "You sure?"

Nodding, I turned around and smiled at her. "Yeah."

She gave me the patented half-smile-half-smirk look and brought her hand on top mine, which was resting on the gear shift. "Just don't close up on me."

"I promise." Intertwining my fingers with her, we held hand for the rest of the drive.

Hearing the door bell ring, I went to open it. It was still half an hour early and I was pretty sure it was Nick. To assure myself, the blond stood in the doorway, smiling at me.

"How ya doing kiddo?" I questioned grinning at him. It was so funny to think that him, being older than me, could act like a five year old.

"Bored. Why do you have to have so many classes?" he whined as walked into the living room

"College, Nicky. I'm sure just as busy when you're on tour and it will be you the one forgetting you've got college friends." Making my way to the kitchen, I opened the fridge and got out a coke. "What something?"

"Coke." He hopped up on the kitchen island and started playing with the spoons that stood near by. "Do you cook?"

Giving him his coke and after taking a sip of mine, I answered. "A little. Nothing to complex, that's for sure. But living on your own, you have to know how to cook. Kate's better, though."

"I can't cook." He stated slumping his shoulders. Looking at the spoon like it held the truths of the government conspiracy against us, he added. "I tried learning a couple of times, but it was pointless. Kevin says I'd burn the water."

I had been drinking my coke when he said that and by laughing so hard, I ended up slipping it all and almost choking to death. Picking up a dishcloth that stood by, I cleaned up the mess I had done to the counter. "God Nick! The next time you're gonna say something, wait until I'm not drinking, ok?" I told him with a smile.

"Why?"

"Kate's just like you. She says something funny and I have to be drinking coke and I end up spilling it all over me. I'm telling you, one of the two of you is gonna kill me one of this days. Just... wait next time." Turning on the faucet, I wet the dishcloth and place on the draining board.

Shrugging, he answered me. "Ok." He opened the drawer that was by his side and started looking through it. After finding a spatula, he got it out and started playing God knows what with it and the spoon. "Kevin tried teaching me once a couple of years ago. Lets just say he learned and doesn't let me get anywhere near his kitchen."

"That bad?" I asked chuckling trying to picture Nick half destroying a kitchen.

The blond nodded. "Took him four hours to clean up the mess and we ended up having take out. Ever since one of the guys cook - usually Kevin or Howie - or we have take out."

"You live on take out, right?" Finishing my coke, I threw it to the wastebasket.

He nodded once again. "Brian can manage breakfast, but he's dead with dinner. Kevin says he had to learn when he was living on his own before the group, give him some ingredients and he gets a meal out of it. Howie was taught by his mother. He's into more complex things and needs stuff I don't even know how to pronounce. AJ... AJ's culinary expertise is just rice, french fries and a stake. He says he's a man of many talents, but cooking is just not one of them."

Hopping up next to him, I placed my arm on his shoulders. "Kate's mother was a great cook, she's got her wits from her. I can handle dinner by myself, but don't really like cooking. Usually Kate cooks and I clean."

Just then Kate waltzed into the room and got a Coke herself. Seeing we were sitting on the kitchen island, she sat on the counter in front of us. "What ya doing?"

"Talking about our cooking." I stated with a smile. "Nicky boy over here can't cook."

Kate gave us half a smile before taking a sip of her drink. "Thought so. Never pictured you as the cooking type, more of the 'What ya want dear, pizza or Chinese?'"

Glaring at her, he answered. "Ha. Ha. Very funny Kate. Where were you anyway?"

"Had to finish a drawing for my class. Architecture drawing takes a lot of time and I still have to take another class next year." She sighed. After a moment, a smile appeared in her lips and over the years I had learn to be afraid of that smile. It was the I-know-something-you don't smile. "Has Matt told you?"

I sighed heavily and place my face in my hands. I was planning on delaying it as longer as possible. Knowing Nick, he was gonna be jumping on one foot when he found out.

Nick looked at me, then at Kate and knew something was definitely going on between the college pair. "What? What happened?"

I groaned. Kate laughed at my antics and couldn't hold it any longer. "Matty here has a boyfriend."

"You do?" he asked, clearly surprised. "I didn't think you had in you Matt, that's great!" Placing his arm around my shoulders, he gave me half a hug.

"He didn't. The other guy asked him. If it was for Matt, he'd be a priest." She stated with a laugh.

Parting my fingers slightly, I glared at her. She only laughed at me. She wasn't done and she was enjoying every minute of it.

"Who is anyway? Someone from college? An old friend?" he prodded me slightly in the arm. He was dyeing to know who it was and it looked like neither of us was planning on telling him.

Shaking her head slightly, and a silly smirk on her face, she kept taunting. "Not from college. Not an old friend, but a new friend."

Nick turned from me to Kate so quickly I was afraid his head was gonna fall of his shoulders. His eyes were big as flying saucers and his mind was working over time. 'Could it be?' he thought impatiently. "Don't tell me..." he trailed off waiting for the girl to finish her story.

The smirk on her face got broadly as she nodded emphatically. "Kevin."

"YES!" he yelled in happiness as he hugged me tightly, barely giving me the option to breath. "I knew it! I knew it!"

Kate was laughing like there was no tomorrow at the boy's antics. Specially ought to the fact that I was being crushed under his broader body.

"Air." I requested to Nick, hoping for him to give me more space.

"Sorry." He said back as he let me go a little bit. He turned to Kate and saw her smiling, then at me. "How? When? Why? Give me the dirt people!"

I knew he was gonna be happy for me, but not this ecstatic! "He came last night. Told me he was gay and he... loved me." I finished in a whisper. I still couldn't believe he loved me. "Kissed me and asked me to be his boyfriend."

"He loves you? That's great! What did you say? You told him you love him too, right?" his happiness couldn't be held in his body. He was grateful Kevin felt the same way about me as he thought - knew - I felt for him.

"I told him I like him." I stated with half a smile. I knew he was gonna go ballistic just like Kate did last night. I had had enough with her, the last thing I needed was a pop singer on my back as well.

"You WHAT?" he reproached me loud and clear. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he turned me around so I was facing him. The movement was so quick, I almost lost my balance. "You're shitting me, right?"

"Language Nick." Kate said with a stern voice.

Nick continued like he hadn't been interrupted. "You love him. I'm sure of that and I know you know it as well. What is it? What are you afraid of?"

I turned from Nick's beautiful green eyes to my darling's deep brown ones. A silent question in my own eyes. 'How did he know?'

Seeing this, Nick explained himself. "You don't need to be a rocket scientist to know something is running deeper than your feelings, and it looks like fear. What are you afraid of? Kevin is a great guy. He's a total gentleman."

I smiled at him. He was worried about me and I was grateful for having another true friend. "Thanks, but it's not that scares me."

"Then why? What could it be that you're lying to yourself?" his voice was calm and I felt as if I could trust him with my life and he wouldn't let me down. He was the second person I had ever felt that with and I was marveled at it.

"It's just..." I trailed off. Feeling my eyes brimming with tears, I tried to held my emotions at bay. "What if he hurts me?" Seeing as Nick was about to say something, I continued. "Not physically, but emotionally. What if he gets tired of me or bored when he's on tour? I don't want to give him my heart because he might break it."

The older man sighed. He had thought that was the reason, but had hoped against it. The most difficult fight is the one against inner demons and fears. And even though he had known the college student for a short period of time, he knew he had more fears than he led on. And they could be the reason of his isolation and defensiveness with everyone.

"If there is something I do know about Kevin is that he's a very serious person. If he asked you to be his boyfriend, then you truly mean something to him. You said he told you he loves you? He doesn't say the words unless he means them." His voice was calm and soothing, trying to get through my thick skull that it was the truth.

It was my time to sigh. I wanted to believe him. I truly did. "I just... I can't tell him yet. In time. I just need to see for myself that he's not just playing with me."

Looking thoughtfully at me, he realized that I needed the reassurance of his love and his words weren't going to do it. I needed solid prove. Acts and not words. Giving me half a smile, he nodded. "But if you need anything, I'm here. Ok?"

Smiling at him, I hugged him. "Thanks."

He hugged me back and answered. "Anytime Matt. Anytime." As he pulled away from the hug, he grinned at me. "And if he ever does break your heart, be sure I'll kick his ass. He might be older, but I'm just as tall as he is."

Chuckling, I answered. "Thanks again. I'm sure you'd have company." I jerked my head in the direction where Kate was sitting.

"You bet." Her voice cold and serious, letting us she was not kidding about it. "If he does, so help me God I will--"

I cut her off, knowing exactly where she was heading. "I know love. I know. I don't need to hear about your homicidal tendencies." I said with a laugh, hoping to calm her down. The last thing I needed was having her all paranoid on me when Kevin arrived.

Nick smiled knowingly. He had been sure Kate cared a lot about the brunette, but seeing her demeanor change so drastically in just a span of seconds had assure him about it. She'd kill anyone who hurt the college student and wouldn't think twice about it. It was an instinct developed over the years of their friendship.

Just then the doorbell rang and I knew it was one of the guys. I hopped down and walked over to the living room, both Kate and Nick were on my heels. Suddenly remembering something, I turned around and face Kate, who stopped just as suddenly and Nick almost crashed with her. Looking at both of them, I spoke. "No one knows about us, about Kevin and me, so you can't say anything."

Nick was about to say something, when I cut him off. "No Nick, you didn't even know he was gay. If he doesn't want to tell the guys, that's fine with me. I don't want any of you implying something or placing him in an awkward situation. Clear?"

Kate nodded and Nick said. "Crystal."

Recognizing the quote, I smiled at him. "Triangle." I stated. His only response was nodding. It was a nice ep., even though I didn't like it much.

As both of the sat on the couch, I opened the door. Seeing Kevin standing there, handsome and smiling at me, I had to smile back at him. Moving to a side so he could enter, I closed the door behind him. "Hi." I said shyly.

"Hi." He answered back. Turning around, he realized that we weren't alone and shot down his idea of kissing me. Walking over to the couch, he sat as well.

"Hi Kev." Greeted the young blond.

"Nick, Kate." He said as he nodded at them. "How long have you been here?" he questioned to his younger band mate.

"A couple of minutes." 'Yeah, try half an hour.' He thought to himself.

I sat on the armchair, fully knowing that the guys would be arriving any time. As if on cue, the doorbell rang once again. Standing up I opened the door to revealed Howie and AJ standing there.

Motioning for them to enter, I closed the door and waited there, leaning against it.

Nick, seeing this, questioned aloud. "What are you doing against the door?"

I shrugged. "Brian is gonna arrive any minute now, it's better if I just wait here. Better than sitting and having to stand up two minutes later."

The young blond only laugh at my own antics. Kate and AJ started talking about college I guess, and Nick and Howie were discussing the tour quietly. Kevin looked at me and smile. I couldn't help but smile back at him. Seeing my response, he winked at me. I had to do my best to hold the laugher.

Hearing food steps on the other side of the door, I was quicker and opened it just as Brian was about to knock.

"How did ya know?" he questioned with a confused look as he entered the house.

"Heard ya walking." I sat on the arm chair as Brian took a sit on the other couch. I was thankful to Kate's parents on the idea of a big living room with two three bodies and two arm chairs. They said they'd be useful in case we had gatherings. Yeah, like we would!

Looking around, I questioned to the guys. "Anyone want something to drink."

After hearing many responses, I stood up. Kevin's voice made me turned around.

"I'll help you." He said with half a smile.

Nick and Kate looked at each other and smiled knowingly.

I only nodded and made my way to the kitchen, Kevin right on my heels. After the door closed and we both knew the guys wouldn't see us, Kevin turned me around gently and gazed right at me.

I found myself mermecized in his sapphire green eyes. Not thinking twice about it, I let myself drown on its depth. Kevin placed both his hands on either side of my face, just like he had done the night before, and brought my lips to a kiss. My lips closed, I kissed him back. Pulling apart slowly, I smiled at him.

"I've been wanting to do that since I arrived here." He said smirking at me.

Laughing slightly, I made my way over to the fridge and got out the drinks. "So I have I." I accepted.

Seeing me get out the drinks, he help me with them. "I'm planning on telling them. About me, about us." He stated looking right at me, wanting for me to know that that was what he wanted.

"I don't want you to feel like you have to do it. It's your choice and if you don't really want--"

He cut me off with a soft kiss. Placing the back of his hand on my cheek as it was busy with two cokes, he pulled back from me enough to look into my coal-black eyes. "I want us to be at ease with them. I don't want to have to stop myself from kissing you just because they guys are here."

"Kate knows." At least I wanted him to know that she would be supporting us.

"Brian does as well."

"He does?" I had thought he would, being so close and everything, but wasn't so sure about it. After seeing him nod, I continued. "Nick does too."

"He knows?" Confusion and surprised written all over his face. It didn't seem so odd after you thought about it. After all the young blond and both students had become good friends. Trusting him with such information had only proved him right.

I nodded. "Told him today. He's happy for us."

He let out a sigh of relieve he didn't even know was holding. "That's good. So now I only have to tell Howie and AJ, right?"

"How do you think they'd take it?" Even thought both Kate and I had talked about it and came upon the idea that they'd be cool with it, he knew them a lot better than us and would have a better base for an opinion.

"I don't think they'd mind. Actually I was more worried about Nick than about them." Realizing that they'd been on the kitchen way too long, he thought it'd be the best for us to leave. As I was about to leave the kitchen, he grabbed my arm and turned me around.

"I love you." He said. "Just in case they don't react like I hope."

Nodding, I answered him. "I know. I care a lot about you... even though..." I trailed off, I couldn't tell him I loved him. Not just yet.

Pressing his foreign finger against my lips, he signaled me to stay quiet. "You don't have to say something you don't feel. I just wanted you to know."

Looking at him, I knew he meant it. God! Trying to protect myself wasn't gonna work for long. Nodding once again, I left the kitchen.

I gave each one their drinks, then seated. Kevin and Brian were sitting on one of the couches, AJ and Howie on the other one. Kate and me on the armchairs and Nicky had placed himself on the arm of Kate's sit. Opening the can, I toke one sip of my coke. I couldn't help but feel a little nervous. They were his friends and I was afraid they'd think different of him.

Clearing his through, Kevin brought all the attention to him and I knew he was gonna do it. Not even realizing it, I held my breath. It was the moment of the truth.

Kevin looked around his friends and took a deep breath. "Guys." He started. "I... I need to tell you all something."

Nick looked at Kate, a silent question in his eyes. Kate shrugged, just as confused as the young blond felt. Nick sighed and slumped back in his sit. He hoped Kevin was gonna tell them about him and the young student. They both deserved happiness and hiding wasn't gonna help.

"What is it Train?" AJ questioned as he saw Kevin's eyebrows shot up slightly, one of them half cocked. A look that he knew very well. Kevin was talking seriously and was worried about the outcome. He had seen the older man with that look more than once when they were talking with management and had seen enough of it during the legal litigation about their profit. Oh, yeah, he knew that look.

"I... there's something I haven't told you and I'm sorry I hadn't. I should have a long time ago, but just couldn't bring myself to do it and..." The dark haired man rambled. This wasn't coming out right. Not right at all.

I saw him fussing against his decision. I wished I could go to where he was sitting and just hug him, protect him. But I couldn't. If I did the guys would find out and Kevin needed to tell them himself. So I just focused on the scene unfolding in front of me as my grip around the poor Coke can tighten.

Rubbing his hands within each other, he continued. "I... I..." he sighed. He had to do it. If not for himself, then for Matt and his relationship with the young brunette. "I'm gay."

Defeating silence came upon the room and I felt myself in need of oxygen. No one said anything for a minute as you could hear the guys' breathing.

Nick and Kate tried to relax by looking from Kevin to Matt, hoping that one of them would do something - anything - to change the demeanor of the guys. They needed to say something before one of them had a heart attack ought to the situation.

Brian was somewhat calm, proving me that he did know about this. He looked at Kevin, then turned to look at both AJ and Howie. He knew in the back of his mind that they would approve and wouldn't think differently about Kevin, but still felt a little bit scare about his older cousin. Nick, however, was a different story. He looked to calm about this. Way too calm.

Kevin heard a couple of gasps - evidently from AJ and Howie, since Nick already knew about him. The older man sighed, squeezing his eyes shut, he waited for the inevitable. He had prepared himself for the worse. Cursing, yelling, maybe even hitting him. He could take that, he could take all that, but silence? Silence was even worse and he didn't know if he could handle much longer.

Not knowing what else to do, he placed his face in his hands. 'Do something!' he pleaded mentally. 'Anything! Yell at me, slung me if that's what you want, but don't stay like this. Not like this.'

Hearing a throat being clear, Kevin looked up from the safety of his hands.

I turned around to see the one who had called the attention. AJ. He looked at Howie. Then looked at Nick, then at Brian. And finally at Kevin.

"I can't speak for the rest of the guys Kev, but I can tell you that I'm totally fine with it. You're the same guy who kick our butts when we're late at something. You're our brother." The group wild child stated with a smile.

"I'm with J in there. So what if you like the same gender? You're our pal and bro." Howie looked at AJ, who nodded at him, then turned to gaze at their oldest band member and gave him a broad smile.

"Thanks Guys. Really." Kevin said as he looked from AJ to Howie. They had lifted a huge weight from his shoulders. Half his confession was out and he hoped the other half would be taken just as good.

"You haven't changed Kevin. If you had then you'll let me have a beer, something I don't think it's gonna happen for another eleven months." Nick stated as he stood up and walked over to where Kevin was sitting. Kneeling in front of the older man, he continued. "You're my 'big bro'. Always have, always will." Opening his arms, he embraced the group's father figure.

Both AJ and Howie looked at each other and stood up. Walking over to where both their band members stood, they too kneeled and hugged them. Brian, though he had known about this for a long time already, stood up as well and hugged his brothers. He was happy they had understood and had accepted him with no questions asked. If they had felt anything but comfortable, he didn't know how they'd feel when they found out he was also seeing Matt and during the tour.

Gazing at the guys hugging each other forcefully, I felt my eyes moisture a little bit. They were fine with it. Letting out a breath I didn't even know I was holding back, I looked at Kate. She was grinning from ear to ear and I felt the same way. I was afraid of their reaction. They were Kevin's family most of the time. During the tour and even during the breaks.

Suddenly I felt really tired. With everything that had happened the night before and now this afternoon, all I wanted was my bed and the idea that I was Friday and that tomorrow I had late classes. Resting my head against the top of the arm chair, I allowed myself to close my eyes for a moment.

A minute or so later, Kevin untangled himself from the tight embrace he had shared with his 'brothers'. Tears were threatening to fall, but he denied to shed them. He had had cried enough the past year for ten lifetimes and now, when his life was finally beginning to take shape in a perfect and translucid way, he wouldn't let himself fall apart. He wouldn't loose it all.

Looking at his 'younger brothers' tenderly, he smiled at them. "Thanks Guys. Thanks so much. I thought..."

"You had nothing to be afraid of, Kev." Nick said as he patted his shoulder. "You should have told us sooner."

"Yeah! We wouldn't have thought different of ya Train." AJ stated as he half sat on the couch next to Kevin.

"I know. I should have. I was afraid." The older man confessed as he looked at the floor.

"You knew. Didn't you Bri?" Howie questioned as he looked at the younger Kentucky cousin. He had realized Brian hadn't been surprised one bit at Kevin's statement.

Nodding slowly, the twenty four year old squeezed his cousin's shoulder. "Yeah. I found out about a year and a half ago."

"Well, the point is that we all know now and things are the way they are supposed to be." As he turned around, AJ realized they weren't alone in the room and that both Kate and me had heard Kevin's confession. "And now you know as well." His eyes closed slightly, half glaring at us, half trying to analyze our reaction or decision upon the new information we had about them.

Kevin, seeing that AJ was starting to behave a little bit territorial, decided that the best would be to finish what had to be said. "Actually, they have a lot to do with this. There's one last thing I have to say." Standing up from the couch, Kevin walked over to were I was sitting. Taking my hand in his, he helped me stand up.

I was pretty sure Kevin could feel my hands sweating like in the middle of the summer. Sure, they had accepted him. But me dating him was something entirely different. What if they didn't like me seeing their 'older brother'? I didn't want to put Kevin in a compromising position. That was the last thing I'd want. Holding my breath once again, I turned to look at Kate. I could see courage and good thoughts in her sparkling brown eyes and found myself not feeling as scared as I had just a second ago.

Still holding my hand, he looked at the guys. 'It's the moment of the truth' he thought to himself. Taking a deep breath, he proceeded to finish his telling. "I'm dating Matt."

At hearing the words, I closed my eyes. Opening them slowly, I looked at Kate. She was smiling at me, completely happy about the fact that Kevin had told the guys. She had wanted this since I told her last night. Nick was smiling such a broad smile that could pretty easy light the whole room. The kid was way too happy for both of us and I could see it in his stunning baby blue eyes. Brian had crossed his arms in front of his chest and I could see the corners of his mouth switching up in half a smile. I think this was the first time I saw him smiling at me. Even though he could be smiling at Kevin and I couldn't tell the difference.

I stopped myself from looking at AJ and Howie. I didn't want to see what they had to tell Kevin about it. I didn't want to hear they complaining about the fact that I was only a kid. A college student who was most probably after him for his money. I didn't need that and certainly didn't need to feel half as bad as I was feeling in that moment, just thinking that they could probably hate Kevin just for dating me.

"You two are dating?" Looking back and forth between Kevin and the brunette, AJ didn't know what to think. There was a eleven year between the two of us. And Kevin had just met Matt for Christ's sake! He could very easy be after him just for the money and Kevin was letting himself fall for me lies - or so he thought.

"Yes." Kevin answered as he squeezed my hand. This was not the answered he had been waiting for. He could almost see AJ's disapproval in the younger man's eyes. AJ was not liking this and Kevin could tell.

"How long?" His voice had suddenly turned cold. This was not right and he was planning on speaking with Kevin long and hard about this. But not now. And certainly not there. Not with the kid there.

"Since last night. That was one of the motives I had to tell you guys." Squeezing my hand once again, he turned around and smiled at me. "I'm not planning on hiding from you all. We've got enough with the tour coming soon and everything. The last thing I - we - need is being cautious with you as well."

Howie looked at AJ. He knew his friend better than anyone and knew he wasn't keen on the idea. Sure, there was a great age gab between the two of them. But Kevin had been smiling a lot lately. A lot more than in the past months, and if Matt had anything to do with that, then he was all for it. If dating a college student was what made him happy, then he'd try to coerce his younger friend into accepting it as well.

Looking at his older brother and their new friend, he smiled. "Well, as long as both of you are happy, then I think it's great."

Nick, taking his as his cue to make things settle down a little bit, stood up and walked over to where we were standing. Smiling at both of us, he engulfed us in a hug. "It's great to see you two together." As he pulled away from the hug, he looked at Kevin with half a frown. "You better threat him right."

Kevin nodded, fully knowing that even though Nick meant it, Kate would have more serious words for him.

I turned to looked at Kate and saw her walking over to where we stood. She looked at Kevin sharply and I prayed to heavens above that she didn't do anything too drastic. That girl had a very bad temper. She was a Taurus after all. How did an Aquarius (me) was best friends with a Taurus (her) was beyond me. We have very different tempers.

"Kevin." Her voice was so cold she could probably freeze hell. "If you ever hurt him, I'll hunt you down and Gold help me." Even though her petite form stood no ground against Kevin's imposing height, she kept her gaze fixed with him, intending for him to fully understand this was a threat with much base.

Kevin only nodded at the young girl words. He'd never hurt Matt. He loved the young man too much to ever hurt him.

I took a step forward and hugged her tightly. "Thanks love." I whispered against her ear. I knew she was happy for us. She was happy because all she wanted was my happiness.

When we pulled apart, she looked at him with different eyes. She was calmer now. Smiling at him, she hugged him tightly. "Be good to him."

Nodding once again, Kevin smiled at her. "Sure." He placed his arm on my shoulders and squeezed my right shoulder slightly.

Brian walked over to where we were and smiled at Kevin. "It's great to see you happy cuz." Turning around, he looked at me and smiled as well. "I'm sure you'll make him very happy."

"Thanks Brian." I felt myself blush slightly. I didn't know how to act around him. He was Kevin's cousin, but I had always had the idea he didn't like me very much.

Nick, knowing AJ was almost against it, decided to change subjects for a moment. "So, what do we do now?"

"What if we watch a movie?" Suggested Howie as he looked at Nick and winked. He knew exactly what the young blond was trying to do. It'd have been more difficult for them all if they expected AJ to say something to the new 'couple'. The group's wild child didn't like the idea of the two of them together and he had made that pretty clear with his behavior.

"Sure. Like what?"

I shrugged. "Whatever you wanna watch."

Kevin took my hand in his and let me to the couch he was sitting on before all this happened. Sitting there himself once again, he pulled me to him. I, reluctantly, sat by his side. He placed his arm on my shoulders once again.

I didn't feel comfortable like that. Maybe it was the fact that no one, besides Kate that is, had ever held this close. Or maybe it was ought to the fact that I knew that AJ didn't like me being with Kevin. Whatever the reason was, I didn't like it.

AJ glanced at Kevin and Matt. He needed to talk with Kevin about this and soon. However he'd have to wait until the next day, the last thing he wanted was doing a scene there, in his house, in front of all the guys.

As the guys proceeded to check the listing we had on movies, I stood up from the couch. Kevin gave me a questioning look before I answered. "I'll get something for the guys to eat and bring a couple more cokes."

"Do you have any beer?" questioned Brian not even lifting his gaze from the videos we had under the VCR.

"Yeah." Turning to look at Kevin, I gave him half a smile before leaving for the kitchen.

"You decide guys." Said Nick as he realized I was leaving the room. He turned and upon fixing his gaze with Kate who was talking with Howie about which movie they should watch. They both nodded and walked over to the kitchen.

When I arrived, I leaned my head against one of the cupboards. Closing my eyes, I let out a sigh. This wasn't going as it was supposed to. One of the guys didn't approve. I was feeling out of my place in my own home. This wasn't working one bit.

I heard the door open and I didn't need to open my eyes to know who it was. And I'd be damn if was gonna talk with any of them.

"What's wrong?"

She had to start. Of course, she had to start. Nick's new in the 'procedure', but she knows exactly what to do to get me to talk. This was starting to look like an interrogatory and I felt like I was accused of murder. To much X-Files, I know.

"Nothing."

"You left too quickly."

Stating the obvious darling? Now that's a new way of talking. "I've got to get something for the guys to eat. I have to be a good host." My voice was dripping with irony and I wasn't even trying to cover it.

"Look." When I heard his voice, I opened my eyes and looked at him. "I know AJ's not thrilled about this, but he's always like that around new people. And that--"

I didn't let him finish. "And that I'm dating one of his 'big brothers' isn't something he's pleased with. I know, I know. But I can't stop feeling I'm putting Kevin in a awkward position."

"He just needs some time to get used to you. He doesn't know you as much as I do and I'm sure he thinks you're after him because of something. Just give him time." Nick said trying for me to believe it.

Glancing at both of them, I just shrugged. "Whatever." I walked over to one of the cupboard and got out a couple of bags of chips. Placing then on the counter, I got out three more cokes and four beers.

They glanced at each other, before Kate nodded. Nick understood the silent communication and proceeded to help me out with the cokes as Kate poured the chips on a couple of bowls.

Knowing there wasn't much left for me to do in the kitchen, I let out a sigh of resignation and walked into the living room. Placing the beers on the center table, I sat by Kevin side.

The older man placed his arm around my shoulder protectively and, with the tips of his fingers, lifted my gaze to met his stunning green eyes. "You ok baby?"

'Baby?'. The pet name rang through my ears. When I had become his baby? Maybe being together gave him the right to call me that, but it didn't sound right. It sounded weird. So very weird. "I'm fine." I lied. He looked at me and nodded. He didn't know me well enough. Kate would have seen the lie right through me and would have demand an answer.

"What did you settle for?" Kate asked as she opened her coke. At least they could kill the time with the movie and if the guys left right away, she could talk with me about why I was acting so estrange. Not that she didn't know, or guessed, but she wanted me to say it myself.

"Contact." The younger Kentucky cousin walked over to the armchair Matt had been sitting on before and sat there himself. Picking up a beer from the center table, he settled down to watch the movie.

Kate nodded. 'Good choice' she thought. 'Long enough for them to leave after the movie is done.'

Holding me tightly, Kevin picked up a beer himself and took a sip. I kept having the feeling he wanted me to cuddle with him, from the way he was holding me, but I didn't feel like it. At least I liked the movie we were going to watch. I sighed. This 'being together' wasn't as easy as it looked like.

Those were the three most uncomfortable hours of my life! I didn't know how to act. Kevin kept pulling me closer to him and all I wanted to do was to pull away from him. Half the time I had been trying to get comfortable with Kevin's arm around me but I couldn't help feeling stiff under his touch.

I kept looking at AJ from time to time. Even though he was focused on the movie, I could still see the frown in his face. He didn't like me. Or maybe he liked me but not as Kevin's boyfriend. Howie seemed to try to calm him down a little bit from time to time. He'd place his hand on his shoulder and AJ would turn to look at him and smile. Those two knew each other almost as much as Kate and me.

Brian was calm looking at the movie. He was happy his older cousin was with the guy he loved and glad that the guys hadn't freak out at the news. Even though AJ was still a little bit angry, he knew the younger man would get passed that. He better or AJ would have to face a very angry Kevin. And that'd not be a pretty sight.

During the curse of the movie, Nick had half laid on top of the arm chair Kate was sitting on. He even started playing with her hair, not he was getting on my turf! But I'll let him for a while, after all I had her all for myself during the day. Nick was trying his best for me to feel calm. He'd gaze at me every now and then and give me half a smile. Kate would do the same, silently telling me that we'd talk after the movie was over. And God did we have to talk.

As the credits began to roll down, I pulled away from Kevin's arm and stretched a little.

"Liked it?"

I only nodded, not even bothering to look at him. I wanted them out of my house. I was feeling way too... down and bad to have company in the moment.

"Well, this was a nice night." Said Brian as he stood up himself. "It's almost ten, we better get going."

The rest of the guys nodded and made their way to the door. AJ hadn't said one thing since Kevin told him about us. Not that I was expecting him to anyway. He didn't like us being together and there was nothing I could do about it.

The guys said their goodbyes to Kate and me, AJ only nodding to us. Kevin kissed me softly. "Can I see you tomorrow sweetie?"

'Sweetie' I felt myself shudder at the name, thanks god it wasn't visible. Have you ever felt like you look like a Scottish skirt but you truly don't? Well, that was what I felt in that very same moment. "Six thirty." My voice calm and neutral.

Kevin nodded and kissed me one last time before opening the door. As he was about to leave, he realized that Nick was still by Kate's side. "You coming Nick?"

The young blond looked around. He knew he had to talk with both Kate and me. Even though we hadn't been friends for a long time, we had all really clicked. It was like we had known him since high school. "I'm staying for a minute."

Not really understanding why, thinking that maybe they'd talk about X-Files or whatever it was they talked when they were alone, Kevin nodded and left the house. I closed the door after him and the guys and let out a sigh of relieve.

"What was that about?" asked Nick as soon as they had left.

"What?"

"That." He said pointing at me. "The sigh you just let out, like you're relieve your boyfriend just left."

Slumping down my shoulders, I walked over to the couch and sat down. This was going to be long conversation indeed. "I'm feeling out of place." I stated. There was no need for me to try covering the truth with small lies. I needed their help before I made something out of chart.

"Why?" Kate asked. She had an idea, but only an idea.

"Because of all of this." I said as I waved my arms around the room. "AJ's behavior with Kevin. As much as you like to say it's gonna pass, what if it doesn't? You guys are starting the tour soon enough, the last thing I want is AJ being mad at Kevin because of me. That and the fact that I don't know how to act with Kevin around."

"What are you talking about? He's your boyfriend!" Interjected Nick.

"That's exactly why." I said as it was the easiest thing in the world to comprehend. "I've never had a boyfriend. I don't know if I have to cuddle with him when we watch movies of if I have to call him baby. I don't like that. The only one I had cuddled with or called pet names is Kate. I like it with her but not with anyone else." Laying my head against the couch, I finished. "I don't like this."

"Matt." Kate started tenderly, sitting by my side. "This has a lot to do with the fact that it's always been just the two of us. We'd never had to deal with anyone else besides just us. And Kevin's behavior as your boyfriend is gonna change. So is yours."

"What if I don't want?"

She sighed. "Then maybe the two of you don't work as a couple."

"That's nonsense!" Nick argued back. "You love Kevin, and from the looks of it, he loves you as well. You're thinking this isn't working out the first time you're together? Come on! At least give it time. So you aren't use being with someone, then lets just take it slow. Don't call him things you aren't comfortable with. Just wait until you want to call him pet names and stuff like that, but don't break things off."

"I truly like him. I really do. But I don't wanna be with someone I don't feel comfortable with, someone I can't even spend a movie with without feeling out of place."

"I understand where you're coming from, but see this as well. How are you supposed to know how to behave if, as you said, this is your first boyfriend? You've hang out with each other, but just as friend, and even then you were putting this wall between you and him. Now just try to act with the flow. If you feel like holding him or kissing him, then do it. If you don't, then don't. And if you still don't know what to do, talk with him."

I sighed. Do things are always this complex with everyone or was it just me? "Did you feel like this with your first girlfriend Nick?"

Now it was his turn to sigh. "Yeah. At first at least. We had been friends for some time and then we thought we could date. Things were awkward for a while. Then you get used and things are back to normal. Just give it some time."

I looked at him thoughtfully and gave him half a smirk. "How long Nick? A week? The week you've got left here before you head to tour?"

Nick took a glance at my already tired form, then proceeded to sit to my other side. "Yeah, we do have only a week, but maybe you can settle things before we leave. Then... well, then you'll have to try to make the relationship work through the distance."

Great. My first boyfriend and was gonna be an 'invisible' boyfriend. Phone calls and emails were going to have to do. Yeah, I do have a great life, don't I?

Things weren't looking good for either Matt and Kevin, and Kate knew that. If anything Matt had always been a very complex character and now, with the issues about having a boyfriend and having to get used to that, it was gonna be even worse. 'Maybe I could take a 'couple counseling' course in college' she thought with a chuckle.

Kate and Nick looked at each other. They were gonna have to do some 'major' work with this two.

As soon as the guys left Matt's house, AJ approached Kevin as he was walking over to his car.

"Train, can I talk with you?" His voice was calm and emotionless. He would talk with Kevin and try to see what it was he had seen in that kid.

"AJ--" he started.

"Look, not now. What ya say... tomorrow morning at my place? We'll play some pool and grab a couple of beers. Just the two of us."

Kevin sighed. What was it with him? "Ok. Eleven."

The young man nodded and walked over to his car, not before being intercepted by his old friend Howie. "We need to talk as well."

"Not now D, I've gotta get home." Getting into his car, he was about to close the door when Howie got a hold on it first.

"Tomorrow. Nine sharp." His voice was cold and AJ knew that Howie was going to talk with him one way or the other.

AJ knew exactly what the curly haired man wanted to talk with him, what he wanted to dissuade him from, but he wasn't gonna give in. Nodding, he started the car and left, the rest of the group leaving as well.

Kevin arrived at his house and walked over to the bedroom. Stripping naked, he climbed on the bed. The day hadn't been as bad as he had thought. He had told the guys and they were fine with him being gay. Almost all were fine with him being with Matt. All expect AJ.

And now he wanted to talk with him the next day. To say what? That he shouldn't see him, that they shouldn't be together, he was sure. But he wasn't gonna complied. He loved Matt and the young man liked him back.

'Does he really?' the voice in his head asked.

Kevin shook his head forcefully. He wasn't gonna let his fears take over him. He was finally happy and he wasn't gonna do anything to put that in danger.

'He doesn't love you. He can't love you. You can't be loved.' The voice of Greg kept taunting him.

The dark haired man tried to cover his ears with his hands, as if impending the voice to get near him. He wasn't gonna believe that. Matt didn't love him yet, but he liked him. And he had accepted being with him despite all their differences. They were together now and he'd protect that.

'But how long is gonna last?' the voice questioned once again. 'How long is it going to be before he realizes you're not worth it?'

"It won't be like that!" he yelled into thin air. "He will love me and we'll be together!" turning around in the bed, he pulled the covers over his head. He had feared enough in the past, but he wouldn't anymore. He loved Matt and that was the truth.

'You're going on tour in just a week. Do you really thing he's gonna endure not having his 'boyfriend' with him? Don't you think he could fall for someone else, someone who can be with him instead of traveling around the world?'

"He accepted me. He won't leave me! Even through the tour we will be together!" Kevin kept yelling under the covers. Laying down on his bed, he heard his breathing uneven. He couldn't see much in the dim light transfix through the linen sheets. However, he could still hear the voices in his head.

'He's with you now. Just give him time. Time to realize he wants something more, something you can give him. Security and a normal live. Why should he be with you when he can be with someone who'd be there for him 24/7, someone with whom he can go out to the street instead of hiding? He'll see that in time. And he'll leave you.' The voice whispered softly.

The dark haired man shut his eyes closed and brought his legs to his chest, hugging them tightly while still having a hold on the covers on top of his head.

No, no. Things weren't like that. Things weren't like he had said. Matt wasn't going to leave him. He liked him and he'll love him within time. They'd get through the tour together, right?

I looked at the screen absentmindedly. It was almost three in morning and I couldn't sleep, so I thought that I could spend my sleepless time on the computer. God knows just how much I love being here. It's like my comp. it's my second home.

I've been into computers since I was four. My father brought one to the house and I just had to learn how to use it. I was even considering becoming a computer specialist myself, but thought better of it. I enjoy medicine much more.

I've been doing a little bit of everything for the past half an hour. I had been checking out live on line and what was going on with The X-Files. The latest gossips and stuff like it. Catching up on the lists I was in. For the past couple of weeks I had barely touched my computer, let alone paid attention to my email.

I sighed as I kept reading the latest report on the seventh season. I still had the idea that they should have called it quits after the fifth season, when they were still nominated to the Emmys. Now... now it was a miracle if someone even remember there was such a tv serie. After reading a couple of fanfics that had caught my attention during my surfing, I checked the next email.

It was from my parents.

I couldn't help but feel a shiver down my spine. When had been the last time I had heard from them? I think I was supposed to call them a couple of months ago to tell them how I was doing. I remember calling them on Christmas and now we were mid march, so that wasn't so long ago. What did they wanted to know about me? I was doing fine. They knew I was still alive as they kept receiving my college's ticket for them to pay.

I'd probably call them the next day, or same day, sometime during the afternoon. Or maybe I could just reply their email. Hitting the 'Reply' button, I decided I wouldn't bother calling them at all.

'Dear parents,'

You think it's too serious? You haven't heard us talking. We barely even exchange words.

'I know it's been sometime since the last time I wrote you, but I've been quite busy with college.'

Now that wasn't a lie. Sure, I've been busy with other stuff - or people - but with college as well. Besides, why should I write them? They don't care about what I do or how I am. They are just asking because it's 'what a good parent' should do. And I'm tired of that.

'Things are fine with both Kate and me. College is taking most of our time.'

Ok, so were Kevin and the rest of the guys, but telling them about it would be pointless. They'd only read it and forget it next morning. Not that they don't do that with whatever it is that has to do with me. I sighed. Thanks God I didn't have any siblings. I knew I could handle my parent's coldness with me, but I didn't know how another child would have.

'How are things over there? How's work and the house?'

I knew what the answer would be fine: Fine. It was the same when they asked me about college. Why did we kept asking each other about stuff we already know? Maybe because we liked to pretend that our relationship is normal. Yeah, right!

'Without anymore to talk about, I think I better be going. Matt.'

Looking at the message, I couldn't believe it was so small. I'd write so very long to some of my friends on line, but to my own parents, I could barely write six lines. But what else could I tell them? Talking about the subjects was pointless in itself. They didn't mind about what I was studying, as long as I was getting good grades. So why should I tell them about things they just don't care about?

Hitting the 'Send' button, I decided to forget about my hollow relationship with my parents. Remembering it's been ages (about a week) since the last time I wrote Richard and Lilyan, I decided to write them as well.

Clicking on 'New message', I started writing.

'Hey Guys!

I know it's been sometime since I last wrote you, but I just didn't have the time. Sorry! silly smile

As you can see, it's pretty late around here. I just couldn't sleep and decided to check my email for a while. Kate is unconscious to the world. Sometimes I wonder if I just let her sleep through the whole day, she'll get comatose? Maybe someday I'll find out LOL

College is fine... as fine as you can be studying 50 hours weekly. Although now our life has changed a little bit. Last time I wrote I forget to tell you about this group of guys Kate and I met about three weeks ago. We're hanging out together from time to time and they seemed to be good friends. One of them specially. I think Kate told you about him in her last email. His name is Nick and he's just a big kid. He's like 6" and 20 years old and still behaves like he's five.

Things are gonna get a little hectic next week and specially next month, since finals are coming closer and closer. At least the last couple of projects both Kate and I have are almost done and we're just waiting for the due date to be done with them. I still can't believe I'm about to finish second year of college. It doesn't seem as if it's been so long. I still feel like I just moved out here. Two years done and five more to go... without even thinking of the specialization. I'm gonna be old before I even graduate! sighs What you have to do for a certificate :D

Now it's getting really late and I have to go to classes tomorrow (or should I say in just a couple of hours). I'll write in a couple of days... as soon as something is worth write about.

Take care and Richard, don't let your agents give you gray hair, you're still fairly young evil smile. When are you sending us your cookies Lily? Me hungry! LOL

I'm nuts. I know, I know... not need to be saying it aloud.

Love, Matt.'

Now this was a nice email. It was like I loved them more than my very own parents. They had certainly raised me more than my own. Specially Lilyan. She was my second mother when my own moved to D.C. to be with my father. Kate was a lucky girl at having them as parents.

With a smile on my face for at least knowing them and having them watching my back, I hit the 'Send' button.

I tried to hold back a yawn as I check the computer clock. 4.30am Great! Now I'm gonna be like a zombie during the classes. Closing the computer, I decided it was time for me to go bed. Better late and never, right?

I made my way to my room as quietly as possible, hoping not to wake Kate, and got under the covers. Closing my eyes, I hoped for sleep to come quickly. I had classes that needed my attention in just three hours and a half. Without even realizing it, slumber came to me.

That was the last chapter. Did you like it? It seems as if only problems are waiting for both of them. Kevin is remembering his traumatic situation with Greg and Matt is doubting his relationship with Kevin... doesn't look good. evil grin And to top things, AJ isn't happy.

If you want to tell me anything, feel free to drop me a line at: jmfluder@hotmail.com

Take care and investigate.

M. F. Luder