This is a work of fiction. I'm not really Justin Timberlake, nor do I know him. The dates and events depicted here have no bearing on reality and as far as I know, no member of Nsync is gay. This is all written for fun and I hope you enjoy it. Bye now.
June 3, 1993 My mom says that it's important for people to leave behind records of their lives, for future generations. Especially if they're important people. I think it's because she just finished reading the journals of some dead famous writer. Anyway, now she wants me to start keeping a journal, too. Just for myself, she says, I should write down what happens to me and how I feel about things. That way, when I'm old like her, I can look back and remember. I think it's kind of lame, but I told her I would. I'm not important or anything, really. Well, I'm on TV and all, but it's just the Disney channel. It's not like I'm on some really big show like Roseanne or Melrose Place or something. It's just the Mickey Mouse Club. Still, I guess I'm pretty lucky. Most people don't get to be on TV, singing and dancing and acting. I love doing those things, it's really cool to be able to have so much fun and get paid for it. I've made some really cool friends, too, since I started on the show. Plus, I get to hang around Disney World. How cool is that? Oh, my mom says I should try and include my feelings on important events in the world, too, if I'm keeping a journal. I saw Chelsea Clinton on TV the other day. She is so ugly, I feel sorry for her. If I was that ugly I'd be mad at my dad if he was President and I had to be on the news all the time. Well, I don't know what else to write, so bye.
August 10, 1993 Today I kissed a girl for the first time!! It was weird. Her name is Britney and we work together on the show. She's really pretty and we're friends. I knew she liked me, because some of the other girls on the show, like Nikki and Christina, were teasing her about it and I heard them. And then Ryan and TJ told me that I should go for it, because they heard that she said I was cute! It was just really weird, though. I didn't know what to do, so when she came over and said hi to me I just kissed her really fast on the mouth. Our noses ran into each other and it really hurt. But then about an hour later we kissed again and this time it was nicer. JC, another guy on the show, asked me in front of a whole bunch of people if I'd slipped her the tongue. Gross!
January 31, 1994 I haven't written in this journal for a really long time, I know. It's hard to remember. I'm a teenager now, though! Today was my birthday. It's cool being so grown up now. I've kissed Britney a lot more times since I wrote last time and we even finally french kissed (with tongues! it's not that disgusting, really!). She says she's my girlfriend, but I don't think that's true. I mean, it's not like we go on dates or anything. We just kiss sometimes. Besides, Britney giggles too much and sometimes I just want to hang out with JC and TJ and the other guys. Well, I'll try and write more from now on.
August 20, 1994 It's been awhile since I wrote last. A lot has happened. The show got cancelled, which was really sad. I was only on it for two seasons, but it had been going for about seven altogether, so everyone was really sad. At the good bye party a lot of people were crying. I didn't cry, but I felt like I was going to a lot of the time. Like when I said good bye to my friends. I'll probably never see Ryan or Tate or Christina or JC again. Mom says it's a part of show business and I guess she's right. But they were my friends. I won't miss Britney that much, even though it's mean to say so. She started acting like she owned me or something, just because we'd kissed a few times. And then she found out that Christina and I had kissed (just once, and she kissed me, which was cool! She kisses way different than Britney does!) she really got mad. Anyway, so I'm a normal kid again now, going to school and hanging out with friends and all of that stuff. I still want to be an actor or a singer, though. Or maybe both, like Madonna or someone.
January 1, 1995 It's a whole new year already! I haven't been very good at keeping a journal, but from now on I'm going to be. I'm almost 14 now, and I just have a feeling that this year is going to be a good one for me. I talked to JC on the phone last night. He's one of the guys who was on the show with me. He's in Maryland now and he said he's probably going to be going to college pretty soon. I think that's cool. I don't know if I ever want to go or not, unless maybe I could play basketball or something. That would be fun. I miss talking to JC all the time, he's a cool guy. We used to talk a lot when the show was still going. He's the only one from the show I've talked to since it ended.
January 31, 1995 Today I'm 14. Last year I was so excited for my birthday, but this year it doesn't seem like that big of a deal. I guess it's because 14 isn't a very exciting age. It's not big like 13 or 16 or 18. I feel really bored lately, like I'm waiting for something big to happen and nothing ever does! School is really boring, too. It's weird to have a job like MMC and then go back to being just a regular student. Some of the girls at school seem to like me, but I don't think I'm interested in any of them, really.
September 5, 1995 The reason I haven't written in so many months is because nothing has really been happening in my life until now! I got this call from a guy named Chris and he said that he'd heard that I could sing and that he's got some record company guy willing to back him if he can put together a group of guys!! I told him all about JC and then called him up in Maryland and he agreed to come down here. It was so good to see him again! I didn't realize how much I'd missed him until we picked him up at the airport and he gave me a big hug. It was just really nice somehow. He and I met with Chris, who seems like a cool guy, and everything is working out okay so far! Just imagine if this works out okay, I'll be singing full time again! And with JC, too, that's the coolest part. He's staying here with us for now and it's really cool having him right across the hall to talk to whenever I want. I'll write more as things happen!
September 9, 1995 Today we added a fourth member to our group. His name is Joey and both Chris and JC have known him for awhile. He seems nice, he's a funny guy. We went in and signed some papers with the record guy, his name is Lou Perleman. He kind of creeped me out a little, but I guess he's an okay guy. He's backing us, that's all that counts! Chris says we still need a fifth member, someone to sing bass. Mom's getting in touch with my vocal coach and some other people to see if we can find the right guy. I'm starting to think this may actually happen for us all! JC and I talked about it all night last night, about the things we'd do if we were ever famous, the people we'd want to meet. He's so easy to talk to. I guess he's kind of becoming like a brother to me. I even asked him some questions about girls and stuff. Even if all this stuff with the record contract doesn't work out, at least I've gotten to know JC better because of it.
September 26, 1995 Well, we found our fifth member. His name is James Bass, but he goes by Lance, which is his middle name. He's a couple of years older than me, which means I'm the baby of the group. I can already tell that Chris and Joey are both going to have fun with that fact! Lance is kind of quiet and serious all the time, but I like him. We've even got a name, now, it's Nsync. Mom came up with it, because she said we all sounded really in sync when we sang together. So, everything is going really well. We're working on some songs now and Lou is lining up recording times and tour dates in Europe and all sorts of stuff. It's all happening really fast, but I'm loving every second of it!
November 10, 1995 I've been so busy with Nsync that I haven't had much time to write, lately. Something has been bothering me and I've thought a lot about whether I should write about it in here or not. But it is my journal and nobody else ever reads it, so I've decided to just do it. See, I've been noticing for awhile now that I'm not really that into girls. Like, I can tell if a girl is good looking or not and all of that, but I'm not really attracted to any of them. I'm not sure what it means. I know I'm not a homo or anything like that, because I know from church that that's a sin. I wish I could talk to JC about this, but he might think it's a little weird, so I'd better not. I'm sure I just haven't met the right girl yet, the one who makes me want to be with her and all of that stuff. It's not like I'm attracted to other guys or anything. I'm sure it'll all be fine.
December 25, 1995 JC went home for Christmas and it's pretty lonely here without him. I can't wait for our tour to start next spring in Europe, then we'll all be together all the time. I gave JC a really cool gold chain for Christmas. I was worried he might think it was gay or something, a guy giving jewelry to another guy, but he liked it. We exchanged gifts right before he left for the airport the other day. He got me the video game I'd been wanting. Of course, he'll probably play it just as much as I do! I had this really strange dream about him last night, that he came in to my room and sat down on my bed to talk to me. For some reason, I was sleeping naked and he pulled back the blankets. I was embarrassed that he was seeing me naked, but he just kissed me on the forehead and left. Crazy, huh? I'd tell him about it, but he might think it was sort of gay so I won't.
January 15, 1996 Things are going so well! We've got some great songs recorded and Lou says we're going to be really big in Europe. They're releasing some of our stuff in Germany soon, and we're going to be going over there at the beginning of March to tour. The five of us have been spending a lot of time together lately. Chris says we're going to have to get used to each other since we're practically going to be living together for the rest of our lives if things go well. I don't mind, they're cool guys. Chris is pretty good with practical jokes and Joey is just a total ham. Lance is kind of getting over his shyness and getting to know all of us better. He and JC seem to have become pretty good friends lately. I guess I'm kind of jealous, in a way, which is silly, I know. We're all going to be together a lot, so it's good that they're friends. I can't help feeling left out sometimes, though. Especially when they talk business. Both of them are really into the serious, business side of everything. I just want to sing!
February 14, 1996 I'm not sure what to do. I know that all of these feelings I'm having are wrong. I know it's a sin to feel this way. But I can't help it. I think I'm in love with JC. It's Valentines Day and he's all I've been able to think about. What's wrong with me? How can I be gay? I always thought people chose to be gay or not, but I didn't choose to have these feelings for JC. Every time I look at him, I just want to feel him wrap his arms around me, maybe even to kiss him like I used to kiss Britney a few years ago. But that's wrong. Guys shouldn't kiss other guys. JC would be pissed if he knew I felt this way. I can't ever let him know. Besides, maybe it's just a phase. Maybe I'll meet a girl soon and forget all about these feelings I'm having.
March 10, 1996 We're in Germany! It's so cool being over here with the guys. My Mom's around, too, of course, and so is Lance's mom. But mostly it's just the five of us rehearsing and performing and hanging out together. Not that it's all good times. Joey and JC got in a fight yesterday. Not a fist fight or anything like that, just an argument. And this morning I was so mad at Chris for hogging the video game that I wanted to just jump on him and start pounding his head! But we're like brothers, it's cool. Germany is a really beautiful country. I can't believe how lucky I am, being here and getting this chance to do what I love!
March 15, 1996 I heard Lance crying this morning. He wouldn't tell me what was wrong, though, not until I told him that he's like a brother to me now and that if something's wrong I want to help him in any way I can. That's when he told me that there was something he'd been keeping from all of us, something very serious. I was worried, I thought maybe he was dying or something! He made me promise not to tell anyone, no matter how disgusted or pissed off I was by it. I promised him and then he told me that he's gay! I was really weirded out at first. I mean, I've never known a gay person before! Sure, I have kinda strange feelings for JC, but I really don't think I'm gay. It's just a weird phase. I asked how he knew and he said he'd never been attracted to girls and that he'd been falling in love with guys since he was 13! I tried to let him know that I was okay with everything, that I didn't think any different of him, but the truth is I do. I'm not disgusted or anything like that. I still think of Lance like a brother. But I'm just surprised and a little awed that he is so certain about himself. I told him I wouldn't tell anyone and that if he needed to talk about anything, he could always come to me. I'm still kind of in shock, though. But it's cool. If Lance is gay, then there can't be anything wrong with someone being gay. Lance is one of the nicest guys I know.
~Okay, that's it for now. Sorry if it sucked. I think I'll write more later on. :) let me know if it sucked or what needs work or whatever at just_jamie007@hotmail.com. Cya later.