This story is fiction and contains graphic acts between teenage males. If you are underage or it is illegal to read this where you live, please leave now.
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Chapter 5: Insomnia
I was up exceptionaly early today. I don't know what it was, but I woke up without feeling tired. I looked at my clock and saw it was 6:17am. I usually don't wake up this early. I did fall asleep earlier than usual, since the previous day wore me out.
I laid in bed, thinking about the previous day.
Yesterday, was quite a day. It was a rollercoaster of ups and downs.
Well, near the end of the day, there were more "ups" than downs(wink).
"Shit," I said, shaking my head with slight laugh. I turned my body slightly and covered myself with more blanket.
I wasn't laughing when I put that porno on yesterday.
I actually cried, scared that I was going to lose my best friend...
Best friend. Liam had in the past few weeks turned from a stranger into my best friend. I don't know what it was but I felt like we clicked when we first met. Ever since then, we hung out like crazy, just growing closer together everytime we told a joke or shared stories about ourselves.
Being gay almost ruined that, or at least thats what I thought.
It was hell for those few moments, unsure of Liam's reaction while I was trying to think of some excuse. To salvage our friendship from that horrible mistake.
Then, Liam did the unexpected. He kissed me.
It stopped my crying cold in its tracks. It brought me back from the edge. That kiss did more than words could have done.
Then we told each other our true selves. We were both gay. It felt like a weight was lifted off our shoulders. Once that happened, we let go, we left caution in the wind. We made out. It felt right.
My mom did almost catch us, though. That was embarrassing. Of course, in hindsight it was hilarious.
Oh, and I made Liam moan at dinner!
"Ha!" I said as I got up from bed. I streched and breathed in. I caught a whiff of my b.o when I raised my arms.
Eww.
Enough reminiscing, I needed to take a shower. I undressed and walked out of my room naked.
I would have never done that with my mom at home, but since she left for work at 5am, I could do it without modesty.
I went into the bathroom and turned the shower on. As I waited for the old water heater to warm up, I decided to check myself out in the mirror.
My hair was in bedhead mode, with strands of hair randomly sticking out. My face was looking as skinny as ever, with my large grey eyes being the most prominant feature. Otherwise, my face was fairly average looking, almost forgetable.
The shower started to steam, so I went in and closed the curtain.
After finishing my morning rituals, I decided to check my height.
I occationally check my height to see if I grew at all. I don't usually do it often since my height has been stable since I was 11 and I always feel disappointed when I don't see any growth.
So I went downstairs to the living room. I walked up to the doorframe and pushed myself against the wall. I got the pencil out and marked my height. To my surprise, my mark was 1/2 inch above my previous mark!
"I'm growing!" I screamed as I lifted my arms in triumph. I think I was starting to go into my growth spurt! I was so excited!
Hopefully my growth would continue until I reached a reasonable height. I needed to do something to celebrate!
After calming down(I blushed after I realized how over-excited I was), I put my shoes on and went into the kitchen to cook myself a celebratory breakfast. I decided to cook some eggs, hashbrowns and bacon. I knew it was a little much, but I wanted to eat something special.
As soon as I finished cooking, I heard a knock on the door.
I looked at my cell phone clock and saw it was 7:45 am. I also saw 3 text messages from Liam that I had missed. All 3 said that he needed to talk to me right away.
I wonder why he was up so early?
I opened the front door to see Liam with a smiling face. He had a cap on backwords and he was wearing a tight solid Tshirt and some nice Vans shorts with some really nice Vans shoes to finish it up. He had a skateboard tucked under his arm. He looked super hot; even more so with all the skater gear. I couldn't help but gawk at him.
"Hey bro, you ok?" he said as he broke my spell.
"Yea sure, I'm fine," I said with a downward glance.
"It's ok bro, you can check out the view," he said with a crooked smile. He knew I was checking him out.
"Shut up, man. Just get in here," I said with a wave. He went in and put down the skateboard next to the coat hanger. I closed the door and we sat down on the couch in the living room.
"So whats up?" I asked.
Liam's mood instantly changed, the smile disappeared and his body language screamed awkward.
He was quiet for a bit. I could see he was trying to put the right words together.
"I...couldn't sleep last night. I was thinking about everything we did, everything I did. It had me tossin and turnin. I..." he said nervously.
"You don't want to be my friend any more," I said. I could feel the tears starting to form in my eyes. I knew this was going to happen. He didn't want to be with me. Who would want to be with a nerdy...
"NO!" he screamed, interupting my thoughts. He saw my tears starting to form, and he knew he had to stop me from getting carried away.
"No, I want...the opposite," he said grabbing my hand. I looked at him with wide eyes. I looked into his eyes and he looked away.
This was clearly really hard for him.
For the first time, I was looking at a diffrent side of Liam. He was always confident and poised when I was around him. He knew all the social cues and he was relaxed around people.
Now, he was nervous and awkward. He was mumbling and looking down. I don't know what to make of it.
"I never done this before. I never did anything like I did yesterday," he said with a nervous squirm. He was silent again.
"I feel crazy about you... Ever since I saw you, I felt.. like we could be something. Yesterday, I knew that feeling was true. I don't know what to do but I just wanted to let you know how I feel and that I want to be with you. I want to be...together," he said with a weak smile. I sat silent mulling over his words.
"I laid it a little thick...Sorry. You probably think I'm crazy," Liam said as he stood up. He started to walk back towards the front door.
"No. I feel the same way!" I said as I ran up to him. He turned back around, with a look of surprise. I grabbed his hand and looked into his eyes. I smiled. He smiled back
"What you started yesterday, can't stop. That kiss you gave me made me realize how awesome you are. I'm crazy about you too. I want to be together too. You are my best friend, and I don't want that to stop," I said as I hugged him. He hugged me back. We let go and I looked back into his eyes. I saw that tears were formining in his eyes.
This was definatly a different side of Liam I had never seen. It was a sensitive side that he seemed to have masked. Now all of this was causing that dam to break apart.
"I'm sorry. I'm such a girl. Stupid tears," he said with frown as he rubbed his eyes.
"No you're not a girl. You're just letting it out. It's all right," I said as I leaned towards him. I kissed him, and he kissed back. His lips felt like a perfect fit. My senses felt heightened. I could feel his heart beat against my chest. I could smell the soap and his masculine musk on his body. I could hear his ragged breathing through his nose. My body felt on fire. It lasted for few seconds and I felt him move back. I ached for more, but I knew I had to take it slow.
"Thanks, I needed that," he said with a sniff. I nodded with a smile.
We stood there for a second before I remembered what I was doing before he came over.
"Hey do you want to eat something? I just finished cooking breakfast just before you knocked," I said as I walked towards the kitchen.
"You cooked breakfast?" he said with a questioning tone.
"Yea, I did. I cook all the time. Nothing special," I said. I went up to the stove and made sure everything was ready. It looked and smelled like it was. Liam was looking over my shoulder, as I heard his stomach rumble.
"Man, that smells awesome," he said as he rubbed his stomach. "I think I'll have some if you don't mind,"
"Sure, I don't mind," I said as I handed him a plate. We both served ourselves and sat down next to each other. I got up to get glasses and poured some orange juice for each of us. I took the glasses back to the table to find Liam wolffing down his food.
"Whoa, slow down there," I said with a laugh.
"This is so good," he said with a mouthful of egg. He swallowed before he continued.
"This is the best scrambled eggs I ever had. Even better than my mom's," he said. I blushed at his comment.
"Thanks," I said. He continued to eat as I took my first bite.
"That was an awesome breakfast. Thanks so much for that," he said as he rubbed his stomach.
"Your welcome," I said as picked up everything from the table and dumped them in the sink.
"Where did you learn to cook like that?" he asked as he stood up and streched.
"I pretty much got tired of nuking stuff while my mom was at work, so I taught myself. I also asked her to teach me a few tricks during her days off. I had time to practice, so I was able to perfect the basics," I said.
"I think thats pretty cool. I myself can barely boil water. So your mom isn't around that much, is she?" Liam said. I finished cleaning up and we moved the conversation to the living room.
"Yea, she isn't. She's a workaholic. I'm alright with it; I've grown used to it. I learned to fend for myself, for the most part," I said seriously.
"My mom is about the same, she's got a big career and she devotes most of her attention to her job. My dad is sort of like that, except he teaches at the Y and at the dojo on most days. He does come home earlier than my mom, but I'm kinda alone at home most days," he said.
"So it looks like were in the same boat, huh. Maybe we can hang out when were both alone, and keep each other company," I said with a wink. He laughed at my wink.
"That sounds like a plan! You could cook me food while I'm here," he said with a nudge.
"Maybe, when I feel like it," I said. I stuck my tongue out at him. He punched me sofly in my shoulder. I moaned out loudly, in fake pain. He chuckled softly.
The old Liam was back now, the carefree and jockish guy I have come to know over the past few weeks.
"Is that how you sound like in bed?" he said with a crooked smile.
Maybe a slightly diffrent version of Liam. A mixture of the old Liam and the new sensitive and horny Liam. Maybe for the first time I was looking at the real Liam.
I think I also changed as well, I felt more open around Liam. Over the past few weeks, I felt slightly closed off, not being able to tell him my secrets.
Well, there was one secret.
Daniel.
I probably would never tell anyone about that, not even my best friend Liam. That secret should never get out. I felt ashamed and angry whenever I thought about it. I just can't tell anyone. I can't.
"Hey are you ok?" Liam said with a worried look. I looked at him and realized I was silent for a little while. My fists were white from being balled up so tightly.
"I'm fine, I was just thinking. Sorry about that," I said with a shrug and a smile. A slightly fake smile. Liam, for a second, looked exactly like Sensei. He was looking me over, almost as if he were trying to determine my thoughts.
"I'm fine, don't worry about it. I was just thinking about everything that has happened. It's a lot to process," I said. This seemed to satisfy Liam. He nodded slowly.
"You know, you can tell me anything, right? You're my boyfriend..." Liam said before he cut himself off. It looked like he didn't mean to say that, like it was a slip up.
"Yea, you are," I said. He smiled at me.
"I know I can. It's just everything is going so fast," I said with sigh. Liam nodded in agreement.
"You're right. I think we should just step back and relax. Let everything flow and process," he said.
"Okay, yea that's a good plan," I said with a smile.
"Cool, bro. So... you up for doing something right now?" he asked.
"Sure, what you thinking of doing?" I asked.
"I've been itching to skateboard all this week! You up for some skateboarding?" he said with an eager tone.
"Uhh...I don't know how to skateboard. I can watch you while you skateboard if you want," I said, a little unsure.
"I know you don't know how to. I was thinking maybe I could show you the basics. Maybe take turns on my skateboard," he said with a hopeful look.
I was still uncertain about it but I knew if I skateboarded, I would make Liam happy. Besides, it might be fun...
"Try again Keith, you're doing good!" Liam said as I picked myself up from the ditch. I dusted myself as I stood up. I was doing alright so far, just taking a few spills while I learned a few of the basics.
"Awesome bro! You did it! First time you did it right!" he said as I finished the move he had been trying to teach me for the last hour. Liam went up to me and gave me a hug. I hugged back, as best I could, given that I was still on the skateboard and Liam was much bigger than I was. I felt clausterphobic.
"Okay, okay, that's enough. I'm kinda in an awkward spot here," I said with slight grunt.
"But you're so cute on that skateboard," he said with a grin. He let go of me, but not before giving me a kiss. I kissed back, not caring anyone saw.
"Wow, thanks" I whispered with a slight daze as we let each other go. I got off the skateboard.
"My turn!" he said as he quickly jumped on. He rode away really fast and started to do some tricks.
"Show off!" I said with a hint of jealousy. He went at it for a few minutes before he stopped unexpectedly.
"Hey guys!" Liam screamed and waved. He was looking past me toward the park behind me.
I turned around to see three people walking towards us. Two tall boys and one slightly shorter girl approached Liam and I. They shook hands and turned to me.
"Everyone this is my friend Keith, I met him in my dad's class," he said. I smiled and waved. They waved back.
"This is Jackson, but we call him Jax," he said pointing to the red headed kid, clearly the tallest and most athletic of the group. He was still an inch shorter than Liam but he was pretty tall. He was, however, much more muscular than Liam, which is saying something. Despite these formidable features, he seemed to have a nice vibe to him. He looked friendly.
"And this is Zane, or Zee as we call him," he said as he pointed out the slim black guy. He was slightly shorter than Liam and Jax but still a bit taller than I was. He had a runner's build, where he had strong, long legs. He looked like he could run a few mile with ease. He seemed friendly enough, but he was quietly sizing me up. His glasses seemed to amplify that.
"And this is Jennifer, but we call her Jen," he said pointing at the girl. She wasn't like most girls I had seen around school. She was around my height, blond haired, but about an inch taller. She wore some boyish looking clothes and she wore her hair short. It seemed that she was a tomboy type, but she still managed to produce a distinct feminine vibe.
She had a soccer ball under her arm, and all of them had some dirt and grass stains all over them. Clearly they had been playing soccer.
"Nice to meet all of you," I said.
"Likewise, man," Jax said with a friendly grin.
"Hey man, do you want join our game? We saw you over here and wanted to see if you wanted to play. You know, show off some of them skills," Jax said as he looked at Liam. Liam's eyes lit up when he heard about the game.
"Yea that would be awesome! Do you want to play Keith?" Liam said as he turned to face me.
"Sure, why not?" I said with a shrug. I never played soccer but I guess it was worth a try. What's the worst that could happen?
I sat on the bench, tired as hell and panting like I never had before. Liam came back from the food cart carrying two bottles of water. He sat down and gave me one of the bottles. I drank half of it before Liam could say anything.
"Be careful, don't drink too fast. You'll throw up," Liam said with a slight look of worry. He took a small sip of his water.
"Sorry, I'm just so thirsty," I said with a slight sigh. My stomach gave me a slight pang of pain and rumbling. I'm pretty sure Liam was right. I relaxed and breathed in deeply. The pain faded and my stomach calmed down.
"How are your knees?" Liam said looking at me with a mixture of happiness and worry. I know he was happy that I played with him, but at the same time, he was still worried about my wellbeing.
"Still hurt but I'll live" I said as I rubbed one. They stopped bleeding about ten minutes ago, right after the game ended.
"Too bad we lost, right?" I said with another sigh. I just felt a little bad about the game since I sucked so bad.
"Nah it wasn't bad at all. The game was fun. I didn't care if we won or lost. Well, it would have been awesome if we had won but that doesn't matter," Liam said as he looked out towards a baseball game in the next field over.
It was partly my fault that we had lost the game. I, of course, ended up on Liam's team along with all his friend plus a few other people. Apperantly this was a game that occured every Saturday at the park. Random people could show up and play. Liam's friends were regulars.
I was fearful I was going to suck and I told Liam my reservations. He had told me to relax, as the game was not serious and everyone had different skill levels. Plus, he said, he was a bit rusty since he hadn't play for a while.
As always, Liam was just humble. Liam was fast and agile, able to dribble the soccer ball with ease. He was able to keep up with his friends and his friends were just awesome. All of them played well.
I ended up being the worst player in the game. By the end of the first half, we were losing 3 to 0. Two of the times, they scored because of my mistakes. I wanted to get out of the game and the break between the halves would be my chance.
So the break was called and I walked off the field with everyone.
I was about to say that I was going quit to the whole team until Liam pulled me to the side. We walked over to a tree and sat down away from everyone. Nobody noticed since they were occupied with resting and the other conversations that were occuring.
"I just wanted to say that I'm proud of you man. I know you don't really play much sports, but the way you try out there makes me feel proud. I love that never give up attitude. Don't worry about anything, just keep doing what you're doing," he said as he looked into my eyes. I blushed.
"Thanks Liam," I said as he brushed my shoulder. His touch tingled and made feel much better about everything. I wanted to kiss him right then and there so badly, but I knew I couldn't do that in front of everyone. I think Liam felt the same way. He looked into my eyes and I saw something I couldn't quite identify. We sat there for a second until he winked and started to walk back to the others. I followed.
I decided not to quit.
After talking for a little bit, we all agreed to move me to goalie and let the goalie take my place. We went back to playing. I followed Liam's advice and just tried my hardest.
I actually played really well from then on. It seemed I was a natural goalie and blocked most of the shots placed at me.
In one play, it ended up being me and some other guy alone. Everyone else was trying catch up. I was following him, waiting for him to make his move. He dashed, moving the soccer ball back and forth. Finally he feigned a move and shot the ball the opposite direction. I didn't fall for it and dived to grab the ball. I caught it just before it went in. Everyone on my team hollered. Words of encouragement were given.
"Great job Keith," Liam said as he smiled that beautiful smile. I smiled back and threw the ball towards Zee.
Unfortunetly, the game ended up 3 to 2, despite blocking all the shots. Our team couldn't recover from my mistakes earlier in the game. We were all disapponted and I felt bad. Everyone shook hands and told each other "Good game". A few people told me that I was an awesome goalie. I didn't feel so bad after that.
Me and Liam seperated from everyone else after I realized all my diving caused massive scrapes on my knees. We went into the bathroom and Liam helped clean my knees.
Now here we sat on the bench, resting from the game. I could tell Liam was tired but happy. It was the same for me.
"Hey Liam," Jax said as he walked up to us. He took a drink from his bottle of gatorade and sat down next to Liam. I tried to concentrate on what they were talking about but I was tired from the game and my mind ended up wandering. It didn't help that it was sports related. I just withdrew into my head thinking about random things.
"What a faggot"
That snapped me back from my thoughts. That was Jax. For a second I thought he was talking to me and I was scared stiff for a second. I looked over slowly to see that Jax pointing at someone on a sidewalk. I looked closer and realized it was someone from my school, a kid named Ethan. I was relieved it wasn't me but still I felt lousy that Jax said something like that.
Ethan was in the same grade as me and he was actually in a few of my classes. Ethan is a really flamboyent guy and dressed as such. He was really nice but he got bullied as much as I did in school, probably worse since he has a tendency of attracting attention. We talked a few time in the library and we got to know each other but we never became friends. Mostly because Ethan kinda annoyed me. But still, he was a nice guy.
As Ethan walked closer, I could see why Jax said that. Ethan was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a weird pink tank-top type shirt. His hair was really long and flowed down the back of his head. His walk was delicate, almost dance like. He had a touch of femininity in his gait.
"I hate those fucking faggots that walk through this park all the time," Jax said with a sneer as we watched Ethan get closer.
"Me too, I hate those fucking queers," Liam said. As soon as Liam said that I was shocked.
He was a queer!
Why would he say something like that? Before I could react, the scene started to unfold.
"Hey watch this," Jax whispered to Liam as Ethan started to walk by our bench.
"Hey Kid!" Jax said. Ethan froze and turned towards our bench. He looked at us and I saw a moment of recognition as he saw me.
"Where you going?" Jax said as he stood up. I saw Ethan start to tense up. His face was neutral. He just stood there and said nothing.
"You off to suck some cock?" Jax said with a visible sneer. Ethan quickly shook his head no. I saw the look of fear creep into his face. I sat there, frozen. I didn't know what to do. I looked at Liam and saw a slight smile on his face. I didn't know what to do. I was extremely confused and disgusted by everything.
"I bet you are, you faggot. Walking through this park, with your head held up high, ready blow some other faggot. God that makes me sick just thinking about it," Jax said as he got up and stepped a little closer to Ethan. Ethan slowly walked backwords.
"I think you better run faggot, before he kicks your ass," Liam said. It was so surreal. I could not believe Liam doing this. My stomach started acting up again, but this time in disgust.
Ethan looked at me with a sad and fearful look before he ran off. Hateful laughter followed him. I looked at Jax and Liam with disgust. They were laughing at Ethan.
They might as well laughed at me.
I heard the doorbell ring. I walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. I saw Liam shuffling back and forth, nervous. I stepped back and started to walk back into the living room.
It had been three days since the encounter with Ethan.
After that encounter, I told Liam I was tired and I was going to go home. Jax agreed and told Liam he was going home too. We all seperated after that.
I ended up ignoring Liam after that. I ignored his calls, his texts, and his attempts to talk to me during class. It hurt me to be like that, but he hurt me even more for what he did.
They only thing I told him was that I didn't want to get tutoring lessons from him anymore. He tried to ask why but I just walked away, ignoring him. I told the Sensei what I wanted and he told me to choose another student. I chose Jason, another good friend that I had made in the class. He said that was fine and he didn't ask anything else about it.
I left that day with Jason and his mom after class and practiced with him at his house. After a while, Jason could tell something was up.
"What's wrong Keith? You seem a little off today," Jason said as we sat down during our break.
"It's nothing Jason, I'm just tired, thats all," I said as I looked away. We were silent for a bit, drinking the lemonade and eating the snacks Jason's mom gave us.
"It's Liam, isn't?" Jason said after a while. I stayed silent.
"What happened? Did you get into a fight?" Jason said. I still stayed silent. I heard Jason sigh. He was thinking about his next words.
"I...saw you two the other day. You were learning how to skateboard. Then I saw Liam kiss you. You kissed back," Jason said with a measured hesitance.
I looked at Jason, surprised and a bit scared.
"Don't worry, I don't dare judge anyone and your secret is safe with me. I don't care if you or Liam is gay. I'm actually glad you and Liam found each other. It's pretty awesome," Jason said with a genuine smile.
"Thanks," I whispered, still a bit embarrassed.
"So...now that I know, you want to talk about what's bothering you?" Jason said. I looked at him for a moment and decided to tell him everything.
So I did. I told him everything, about Jax and his friends, about the fear in Ethan's eyes, about the laughter afterward.
"Wow. I'm sorry Keith," Jason said, unsure how to proceed. It looked like he wanted to say something more but couldn't muster any words of comfort.
"Yea, me too," I said as I looked at my feet. Jason stood up and approached me. I looked up and stood up. We hugged each other for a bit before he let go.
"Thanks for that," I said as he sat down. We were quiet after that until Jason broke the silence.
"You should talk to him. It seems like he cares about you, despite what he did with that asshole Jax," Jason said. I was quiet.
"It couldn't hurt, right? I mean, don't you and him deserve that chance?"
I stood there in the living room, waiting for the knocking to end. After a bit it did. I sat down on the couch and was about to turn on the TV when I heard Liam.
"I'm sorry Keith! For whatever I did, I'm sorry!" Liam said with clear pain in his voice.
That made me extremely mad. I ground my teeth and balled my fist. I stomped over to the front door and opened it fast. I saw Liam reel back in surprise.
"For whatever you did?" I said with a twinge of anger. Liam was quiet. He had never seen me angry before.
"Let me tell you what you did. You and your friend said some things. Horrible, hateful things. Things that make me want to throw up. You scared someone to death. You let your friend threaten someone. You egged him on. You said you 'hate those fucking queers'. THAT's what you did," I said. I slammed the door shut or intended to. Liam blocked the door from closing.
I looked into his face and I saw tears run down his cheeks. Silent tears.
"I don't know how to fix this," Liam said with a tiny voice. For once, Liam didn't look so big. I stood there in surprise. His confidence was all gone.
"I don't think you can," I whispered. He looked at me. He removed his foot as I closed the door again.
"Please let me explain. Give me a chance," he said, through the door. I remembered what Jason said and what Liam had come to mean to me these past few weeks.
I nodded slowly as I opened the door.
He stepped inside and I closed the door. I led him to the living room and we sat on the couch. I looked at him and waited. He fidgeted and wiped his face with his hand.
"I...I've been friends with those guys since elementry school. Especially with Jax. For the longest time, he was my best friend. I had the best times with that group. We played at school, hung out at our little league games, and even had sleepovers," Liam said. He was silent, thinking before he moved on.
"It started slowly. He made fun of people on TV and I would laugh. Sometimes I joined in, but most of the time, he was the one with the name calling. He made fun of everyone. I found some of it funny, but most of the time I just laughed so I wouldn't be left out. It got a little better when Z joined our group but eventually he went back to it, just avoiding making fun of black people. It got worse, especially with gay people. He started to make fun of people in real life, like what he did with Ethan. He became a bully."
"I felt I had no choice. If I wanted to have friends and not look queer, I would have to go along with Jax. So I did. I made remarks whenever Jax did and I threatened people for Jax. I almost enjoyed it. But it was never physical. Until one day, when I caught some of my friends and Jax beating up this kid. I stared while they did it. I walked away after a while. I didn't do anything to help. After that, I started to distance myself from Jax and my other friends. We still hung out but I knew I couldn't be good friends with them anymore. So now, we occationaly hangout and play sports. But they are no longer my best friends,"
"What happened at the park with Ethan was automatic. I felt horrible doing it but Jax would have known something was up if I said nothing or tried to stop him. So I did it. I regreted it ever since, especially when I saw the look of horror on your face afterward,"
I didn't know what to say. It was quite a story to hear from Liam.
"I'm sorry Keith, I really am. I felt horrible saying those things to Ethan," Liam mumbled.
"I don't know Liam. You said those words pretty easily. I just can't see anyone do that while they themselves are gay," I said as I looked away.
"For the longest time, I never wanted to be gay. I hated myself for being gay but that was before I met you. The way our friendship has turned out helped me realize that it was alright to be this way," Liam paused before he continued.
"Now I know the reasons why I did all those things with Jax. I was scared. I was scared of Jax, of losing my friends, and of who I am. Seeing him again brought all those fears back, you know? When I heard him say those thing, I panicked and did what I usually did before. I bullied someone," Liam said, whispering the last statement.
"It made me sick when I heard those things come from you Liam. I believe you when you say it was because of Jax that you said those things. I also believe you when you say you are sorry about everything. It's just that...I can't see myself forgetting about all of this. I feel like I will always think about this in the back of my mind," I said. Liam looked dejected. He was hanging his head.
"I think I need some time to think, Liam," I said.
Liam didn't say anything as we both got up. I opened the door. He gave me what looked like a look of shame before he turned around and left. I closed the door.
Today was a lazy day. It was raining hard, had been since the morning. So I decided to stay home and just watch movies and play videogames.
It had been a week since that day with Liam. When he told me about Jax.
I still felt the same way as before, but now I had a handle on why I felt that way. Why I can't forget. It's because of that slight smile I saw. The smile he made when he made those comments about Ethan. Maybe he was being a good actor, but I felt like there was some substance behing that smile. Like he actually meant those words. Maybe a part of him still hates gay people. Maybe he hates himself. I don't know.
The more I think of it, the more I realize that it was time I talked to him about it. More than likely, it might be the end of my relationship with Liam.
Everytime I thought about ending it, it made me really sad. I felt paralized. I was so conflicted. So I ended up putting off talking about it. So it has been a week and I still have not talked to Liam.
Today wasn't the day either, since it is raining like crazy outside.
After getting killed by another Elite in Halo Reach, I decided it was time to make my lunch. I decided it would be easier to just cook a frozen meal. I dug around the freezer until I found a medium sized Lasagna meal. I unwrapped it from its packaging and placed it in the oven. I set the timer and went back to the living room. I decided to surf the net while my food cooked.
The rain started to intensify. It was pouring sheets of rain outside. Lighthing and thunder were frequent. I ignored it as I checked my facebook news feed.
Then I heard it. A small knock. Another one followed by some loud thunder. I got up and went to the door. I looked through the peephole and saw Liam standing there. I was surprised.
I opened the door to see Liam bloody and wet, with a bunch of cuts and bruises all over his face. One cut on his temple was still bleeding. His clothes were muddy and there were some spots of blood on his light tshirt. He was soaking and shaking from the cold (it might have been fear).
"Holy shit," I gasped in surprise.
"Can I come in?" he said with a weak smile. I silently nodded as he limped into the house. I pulled a chair into the foyer. Liam grunted as he sat down in pain. I ran to the bathroom and came back with some hydrogen peroxide, clean towels, and some bandages. He wrapped himself with a towel, trying to warm himself up.
I started to clean his face without saying anything, and he sat there silent, wincing whenever I applied hydrogen peroxide to a cut. After I finished cleaning him and placing some bandages, I went into the kitchen and grabbed some ice and wrapped it some paper towels. I handed it to him and he placed it on his injured, blacking eye socket.
"What's going on Liam?" I said. He winced as he shifted the ice.
"I got in a fight," Liam said with a whisper.
"Thats what it looks like. What happened exactly?" I asked. Liam smiled weakly as he thought.
"I decided to visit some people today. Before it rained," he said as he rubbed his knee. He must have hurt it during his fight.
"First I visited Ethan," he said as his good eye looked at me.
"I found out where he lived after asking around. I went to see him and explained everything. Including the part about me being gay. I begged for forgiveness. Surprisingly, he was understanding. He accepted on the condition that I promise to never do something like that again. To anyone. Ever. I agreed and I left on good terms," he hesitated as he went on. I was quiet but I felt like I knew what he was going to say next.
"Then I went to see Jax. To confront him. To say what I needed to say. So I did, even when it started to rain. I knew I had to see him. I knocked on his door and I told him right away. About how I really felt about his bullying. I told him I was gay. He punched me. Then we fought. Right on his front yard. We exchanged blows. He had strength on me but I had technique. I kicked his ass but not before he did all this," he said as he pointed at his face.
"I left after the fight. I ran most of the way back to the neighborhood. Before I got home I realized I wanted to visit one more person. You," he said as he smiled again, looking at me.
"Shit. You're fucking crazy," I said. He chuckled as he stood up. I stared up at him as he looked down on me. I realized that the difference in height between us was starting to disappear.
"I know I've said this before but I wanted to say it again. I'm sorry," he said as he reached for my hand.
Was this it? Was the fight suppose to fix everything? Part of me said yes, that I should accept his apology. That he had proven to me that what he was done with bullying and he had stood up for that prinicple.
Another part told me that maybe he still hated himself despite all this. That he still hated gay people.
And yet another part was not sure about anything at all.
There was one thing I was certain though. I'm pretty sure he doesn't hate me.
"I know you're sorry. It was pretty stupid to get into that fight Liam but I know it had to be done. I'm still wary of everything," I said.
He stood there, unsure of what to say.
"Give it some time, I need to think. But I think we can get back to speaking terms." I said.
"Alright, I'll take it," he said with a determined nod.