Disclaimer: So, based on the trend I've seen, I am supposed to warn you about any questionable material in this story. Well?there's some reference to sex, there's some actual sex, and there's some pretty strong language along with very intense situations including underage drinking, drug use, mild violence, mention of suicide, and the use of real persons whose names have been slightly modified. This story is based 99% on true events; that 1% is due to my lack of perfect memory. Other than any of the aforementioned things, if you are not 18 and are not at will to read pieces that can be described using the above scenarios, you probably shouldn't read this.
Keep Bleeding By Crispin Taylor
So he finally wrapped his arms around me, holding me closer than I've ever been held and to the point where I felt I would simply melt into him; and for once in my whole life, every outside force, every inside thought, and every molecule of anxiety coursing through my body, finally stopped. And I was at peace.
Chapter I-Pizza mit Ketchup
I sucked in a deep breath and pulled my backpack from the seat next to me in the cab I'd hailed from O'Hare. My legs seemed to be fine, which was good, because I thought for sure they were going to give out. I slung the not-so-heavy-anymore backpack around my right shoulder, pulled my wallet out, and tipped the cabbie about 10 bucks. The fare was only 40?but being a server, I was always too generous with my tips.
Chris was going to be outside any minute. I could feel my heartbeat accelerate just a tiny bit with every step I took before I remembered I still had my duffle in the trunk. Laughing slightly to myself, I turned on my heel and opened the cab trunk, fishing the large bag out with only slight difficulty.
Then I exhaled again.
This was it. The moment I'd been waiting for since October 4th. I was meeting him. Face to face.
A slightly chilled breeze snapped me from my anxiety and I pulled my new American Eagle jacket a little closer. Chicago wind really was as bad as he'd said, even on March 21st. I wasn't ever going to admit that to him; I'm from Michigan, and living in South Carolina for 8 years of my life hadn't turned me into a weather pansy. I swear it hasn't.
I looked at the large building that had to be the dorms. The cab had pulled over onto the opposite side of the road, but it didn't matter; Chris was going to come outside and bring me in.
I counted the seconds. 17?18?19?
I could see a behemoth form inside, a t-shirt and shorts worn casually, coming towards the exit. This is it. This is him. 6 feet and 4 inches of everything I desired.
The door swung open and I watched his steady gait; deliberate yet casual, with a slightly intimidating aura surrounding him. As he got closer, I couldn't fight the immense grin covering my face. He was even more amazing in person. His hair seemed to glow like sparks from the sun when it was illuminated by the streetlights. In all of his pictures, his hair was always darker, but in person, it was blatantly blond. Brilliant golden spikes cut short like a buzz.
But just when I thought I could hold my own; that I wasn't going to be absolutely blown away by him, I saw his incredible eyes. Two sapphire-tainted emeralds blazing with all sorts of energy, yet frozen like two crystalline objects slammed into his eye-sockets. I felt the air cascade from my lungs. He was incredible.
I let my eyes wander over the rest of his body: his broad shoulders, his wide chest, strong and sturdy legs?
My attention returned quickly and I remembered to speak.
"Shorts, a t-shirt, and flip flops? You do see the snow on the ground, right?"
He grinned his lopsided grin, the one dimple in his left (or right as I see it) cheek appearing like a perfectly formed dip in his smooth, ivory skin. My breath hitched, but I covered it with a grin of my own.
"So I'm really sorry I'm here so late. Obviously I have the worst traveler's luck. Not to mention, I had no idea where your dorms were."
He chuckled. "I gave you the address."
"Yeah, I know, but like?it doesn't list the address on the building, so the cab driver just kinda pulled up on the side of the road. That's when I called you."
"Yeah, but from the cab driver's phone!" he joked, laughing at my expense.
We were entering the building now. He swiped his student ID and the second series of doors clicked, allowing him to swing it open with his Hulk-strength arm. He held the door open and I trampled in with my huge duffle and backpack. Awkwardly, I stood at the front desk with him as someone before us signed a guest in.
"Well my phone was dead! I need to charge it?"
I reached for the phone that my mom had let me borrow while I was in Chicago. I felt nothing in my pocket. So I checked again. Other pockets. Back pockets. Jacket pockets.
"What the fu?"
"What?" he asked slowly.
"I?can't find my phone."
A look of realization came over his face. It was a curious face that I found myself smiling at. He opened his mouth almost like he was yawning, his eyebrows raising in an amused manner and his eyes alight with mischief yet understanding. "Did you leave it in the cab?"
My face drained of its excess of color.
"Fuck."
"Here, you can call him. It's still in my recent calls."
I wanted to kiss him. Well?even more so than before, that is. I took his way too large phone and put it to my ear, where the other end was already ringing.
It's a really good thing I tipped that driver so well, or I'm sure he wouldn't have come back. Thankfully, he did, and I received my phone just fine.
The most awkward part so far was the elevator. After signing me in, we had to take the elevator up to the top floor-7th-where his room was. It was quiet in the dorm and the elevator, and I tried not to stare. But I did. He was so much different looking in person. So tall?so strong?so much brighter. My heart gave a small, feeble whine, but I silenced it. I had to control my emotions. I promised.
"So I'm making pizza," he said with a sly smile.
"No ketchup, right?"
"Of course I have ketchup. What's pizza without ketchup?"
"Good pizza," I countered.
He rolled his eyes and laughed as he unlocked his dorm door. "Don't diss it 'til you've tried it."
"Yeah, oh-kay."
The door opened silently and I glanced into his place. It was much smaller than it had looked on the webcam. There was a dark blue couch I knew all too well against the left-hand wall; at the end nearest the window was a table with a lamp on it. Closest to us was his desk, and on the right-hand side, his roommate's desk (cluttered and quite disgusting, I might add) which was right next to the large flatscreen TV. Near the TV was the dinner table which was currently being used to dry dishes; and to our immediate right was the kitchenette, complete with a reverse-hinged refrigerator, a tiny stovetop and oven, and a single-basin sink. Very cozy.
"Wilkommen zu Haus," he said in German, nudging me.
"You really did clean up for me, huh?" I joked.
He shrugged. "Eh, I got bored."
"Yeah, yeah?I'll take that as a yes."
He tossed his keys on the couch and turned to the kitchenette where a pizza box sat atop the stove top, already opened with the oven preheating.
"Where can I put my stuff and charge my phone?" I asked, surprised my legs had gotten me this far. I was actually pretty tired as well?
"Oh, head to your left through the door; it's the bedroom. There's a plug socket next to the nightstand."
I followed his instructions and entered the room. I was hit with a wave of the smell of teenage boys. Strangely enough, though, I could smell his scent, which intrigued me. It was?refreshingly clean and held a slight tinge of something?sweet? But there was another element to it?a hint of cologne mixed with his own natural scent that blended so well I felt myself become slightly drunk off it. Immediately I plopped down on the bed on the right-his roommate's. It smelled strange. I didn't like it too much.
I decided I should be quick and get the phone calls over with. I plugged the phone in, called my best friend Liz, called my other best friend Morgan, called my mom, and then?called my boyfriend. Yeah?boyfriend.
It's a very complicated story, but the gist is that I ended up dating a longtime "fuckbuddy" named Thomas, but we'd only been dating since the previous Wednesday?which made us a couple for all of 2 days. Well?now that it was Saturday, about 1:30 am, I guess that made it about 3 days.
He answered, his voice slurred and angry. We'd been arguing that day. He hates Chris and is insanely jealous of him. He has every right to be.
"I was just calling to tell you I was here."
"It took you that long to get there?"
"I took a cab and left my phone in it, so Chris had to call the cab driver since I'd called him from the guy's phone when mine died, and asked the guy to come back. I just got to his dorm now."
"Where is he?"
"Making pizza."
"Cute."
"Knock it off, Thomas."
"Dude I don't care. I don't care. Do what you want. You're going to anyway."
"I've been here all of 20 minutes and you already think we're about to fuck. Get real, dude."
"Well I'ma go party with the boys?maybe call over some other friends."
"Like who?"
"Peeps."
"Girls?"
"Maybe."
"Lovely."
"Aight?I'ma go now. Have a good time with Chicago boy."
The line went dead before I could respond.
I knew who he was inviting. I didn't like it. Another interesting fact about Thomas was that he had a girlfriend that I insisted he keep dating because I didn't want him to come out for me. We had agreed that he wouldn't have sex with her, and they would just hang out?sorta like friends, I guess. I didn't really care because I'm not a jealous person. At all. It's almost pathetic.
I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts before heading out to the living area. Chris was checking the pizza.
"How's dinner coming?"
"Eh?still got like, 10 more minutes."
"Uuuuuuuuuugh?I'm so hungry," I moaned. It was true. I hadn't eaten since earlier that day at about 5 pm. It was now going on 2, and since my body was used to Eastern Standard Time, I felt like it was 3 am?almost 12 hours without food.
"Wanna watch some TV?"
"Suuuuuuuuuuuure?pass the time," I responded.
He changed the channel to something mildly more interesting and we sat far from each other on opposite ends of the couch. I swear, to this day, that he was giving me glances. Checking me out. Sizing me up. It made me feel good?but it made me feel self-conscious. I was nowhere near hot enough for him.
"Pizza time?" I asked him after sitting in silence for a while, save a few laughs and passing comments at the TV show.
"Oh yeah, lemme check." He hopped up and I watched the thick muscles in his legs work as he walked. There was a great covering of blond hairs that made them glow slightly, like the rest of his body.
"Yup, pizza time!" he enthused. "Mit Ketchup!"
"Neeeeiiiiiin," I protested playfully. I had every intention of trying the concoction of his, but I loved giving him a hard time about it.
"Jaaaaaaaaaaa," he retorted, piling two pieces on my plate and two pieces on his own.
He grabbed the ketchup from his refrigerator and plopped down on the couch?a little closer to where I was sitting this time around.
"Do you have anything to drink?"
"Oh yeah, you wanna check the fridge?" he asked as he squirted ketchup onto his pizza, spreading it with his index finger before licking it clean.
I sighed. "Some host you are."
He frowned in good humor at my jibe.
I made a fool of myself and tried pulling the refrigerator door open the normal way, but like I said before?it was a reverse-hinged fridge for some reason. I guess he liked that, since he was left handed.
"Other way," he said monotonously as if he'd told countless people the same thing.
I managed to force the fridge open and pulled out the filtered water pitcher by Brita and poured us both drinks.
"I feel like I never even left work," I faux-complained.
"Good, I can see how good of a waiter you are."
I rolled my eyes and took my seat, only inches away from him.
He reached over and my entire body tensed, but he only squirted ketchup on a piece of my pizza and instructed me to rub it around. So I did.
I took my first bite with great caution and he watched with great interest. I chewed, tasted, and swallowed.
"Not bad, actually."
"HAH! I told you!"
"Yeah, yeah?it's not the greatest, but it's not bad at all."
He smiled smugly and we went back to watching TV, inches from each other. It was nice.
"So what'd Thomas say?" he asked, the smug smile back on his face. He knew Thomas was overwhelmingly jealous of him and it made him feel quite good.
"Ugh?let's not even start."
"What'd'e say?" he asked again, this time more protective sounding like he was going to break Thomas in two. I didn't doubt that he could.
"He was mad because I called other people before him, and then he assumed you and I were already fucking or something?I dunno. He's weird. But now he's drinking with his buddies and inviting 'peeps' over. So Haley's coming over."
"What the fuck?"
"I know."
"Dude?you needa drop him," he said matter-of-factly, licking his thumb clean of ketchup. His hands were quite sexy too, I must admit. They were muscled yet smooth, with wide fingers that looked delicate yet destructive.
"Yeah?I know."
"Liz texted me."
"She what?"
"Yah," he said, smirking even more now. He was all out cheesing after a few seconds.
"What'd she say?" I asked slowly.
His smile was a megawatt brighter as he clicked the inbox of his phone.
"'So make sure to use protection when you fuck my best friend.'"
My mouth dropped in horror, a smile all but ripping at the sides of my mouth. Liz was a crazy broad, but she always had my best interests at heart. She knew it was what I wanted.
"What?!" I finally managed to get out.
"Yah," he said, still smiling.
"Wow?what'd you say?"
He let out a laugh, the most enticing sound in the world, and switched to his sent items. "'Well if you knew your best friend you would know protection as far as latex is out of the question lol.'"
My jeans instantly tightened and I couldn't help but laugh at his response. But a pit of anxiousness popped into existence in my gut.
"Too bad I have a boyfriend," I reminded him, choosing to play his game of banter.
"Yeah, but for how long is the question."
I was taken aback by that. "And even if I didn't have one, what makes you think I'd let you unleash The Monster on me?"
He guffawed and tears came to his eyes as he leaned slightly to the side, his body wracked with laughter.
"I'm serious!" I added, also laughing.
"The Monster" was the nickname given to his penis by some guy online who always begged him to "cam" for him. It was a very fitting nickname. Chris' dick was very proportionate to his immense body, the girth something I could only imagine had torn many people open. I was scared to say the least, but it was also something I wanted more than anything. That was true, and we both knew it.
"Wow," he finally said as his laughter subsided.
"I can't believe she texted you that," I muttered.
"She's your best friend," he reminded me.
I shrugged. "She always has my best interest at heart."
There was a moment where our eyes locked. My dark brown, dull pools of emotion shielded by the frigidness of previous heartbreak, colliding with the arctic suns blazing with an aquamarine quality that I swear could only be found in the rarest of gems. My heart thudded so loudly I was sure he could hear it.
Then the silence broke.
"I'm sure she does," he said slowly, his voice slightly huskier. My pants became noticeably smaller to me.
"So where's Iwon?" I asked. It had taken me forever to learn to say her name, since I'd never heard it before. Turns out it's said just like Yvonne. Interesting.
"Her family's really Polish and Catholic so they do Saturday Mass and Sunday Mass for Easter."
"Ah," I said, nodding. "So we probably won't see her 'til??"
"Monday most likely," he answered.
"Well that sucks."
"Just a lil bit. What're you gonna do when I go home tomorrow for Easter?"
"Eh?probably just hang around, watch TV and stuff. Maybe sleep in?"
He laughed, "Ah?sleeping in."
"Tell me about it. I hardly got any sleep last night because I was anxious about leaving."
He smirked an all-knowing smirk and I knew all this attention was only making him feel even more and more golden by the moment. But I didn't mind. I liked stroking his ego. It made me happy that he was happy, I guess.
"Well you must be exhausted then, huh? You ready to get to bed? It's like 3 am."
It was true. The time had really flown and it was then I noticed that meeting him was not nearly as awkward as I expected.
"Yeah?now that you mention it I am pretty fuckin tired," I said, chuckling a bit.
He stood and stretched, his shirt lifting up over his stomach. My eyes immediately locked onto the gap of flesh he'd revealed. His stomach was adorned with a dusting of dark blond hairs, starting at his navel and working their way down to The Monster, no doubt. Happy trails?one of the most attractive things on a guy.
He caught me staring, I think, because he yawned and looked at me in a different way?like he was maybe seeing that I still thought he was attractive, even in person. He had insisted I would think otherwise. He was very wrong.
I stood from the couch, grabbing my long since empty plate and cup, taking them to the sink and rinsing them.
"Oh wow?I really am tired," I noted at how my body didn't seem to want to respond much.
I turned around and he was directly behind me. Inches. I wanted to touch him so bad. To make sure he was real. To make sure I wasn't dreaming again. To see if he felt the way I thought he would. To see if the heat from his body would burn my hands away if I got too close. I looked up and his eyes shot through mine. I felt the glacial stare from them, but I couldn't look away. I wanted to lean forward-to claim his mouth as my own-to kiss the perfectly sized pink lips and taste them-to see if they really tasted like the most indescribable of candies. I wanted him. Bad.
"Can you put these in the sink?" he asked in a faraway voice.
I nodded, unable to speak. But even after I grabbed the plate, I couldn't tear my eyes away from this image of perfection in front of me.
He moved soon afterwards, toward the bathroom. Once the door shut, I gripped the kitchen counter, my weight suddenly too much for my body to support. What was going on here? His presence seemed to make my brain cease functioning and only my heart could go on.
By the time we were getting ready for bed, I had gathered myself long enough to pee, wash, brush, and get ready to change. Now, changing was the tricky part. He had seen the goods. That's the most compromising thing to show someone, right? Not for me. I hate the rest of my body?so I didn't want him to see it. My legs, maybe. I could risk that.
So I pulled out some shorts. He was already in his bed on the left-hand side of the room, propped up and watching me. He was talking, but it was about nothing and everything. He was trying to distract me so it didn't seem so weird that he watched me change. But I felt him watching me. And it only made me want to jump in his bed even more. If not just to cuddle with him, just to know he was actually there-to know he actually existed in this physical moment.
"Oh wow?GOD I'm tired," I said as I plopped down into his roommate's bed. I could hardly smell the smell anymore; only the intoxicating fumes coming from Chris that I happily and eagerly breathed in.
"Well get some sleep, dude, and we can do stuff tomorrow," he said.
"Definitely."
"Night."
"Gut Nacht."
It was at that moment that I decided I would have him. I had decided it a long time ago, but this time I knew 100% absolutely that Christopher would be mine. I, Patrick Tyler, would be part of him, and he would be part of me. Because I knew that no matter what I did, no matter what he did, no matter what anyone said, I would always be helplessly, unwaveringly, inexplicably, and irrevocably in love with everything about Christopher Barowski.
-KB: I