Chapter 15
I suppose the standard disclaimers apply here. If you're under 18 or object to homosexual content in any fashion, please do not continue to read. The following story is not meant to imply anything about the sexual orientation of any of the Backstreet Boys, N'Sync or anyone else that may be mentioned. Please send any comments, suggestions, quips, and criticisms to kevsstory@aol. com. And a big HI to everyone that wrote to me about the story.
Previously,
What Chris did next brought tears streaming down my face as well as the faces of everyone else in the room.
Joey sat in his chair mesmerized by Chris' words as Chris bent down on one knee in front of him. 'Joey. My bear bear. My love. The joy and the love that you bring into my life is more than one man deserves. You mean more to me than I'll ever be able to say or show.' Chris was crying at this point in time. He choked back the tears and continued, 'I want everyone here, our closest friends and loved ones to share this with us. I know that you thought that I was just going to tell them about us. That we're in love. But, I wanted them to be here when I give you this.'
He took out a small velvet box from his pocket. He opened the box facing Joey and the tears started falling down his face.
'I love you with all my heart. Joseph. Will you be mine forever? Will you marry me? Will you do me the honor of having the greatest man in the world be by my side for life?'
Joey sat there and just stared at the ring of gold. So perfect and so round. Everyone was sitting slack jawed watching the scene before them. Even I was a little taken aback at Chris' words. His love for Joey was deeper than I had imagined.
'I....I don't know what to say. I certainly wasn't prepared for this. I was expecting something totally different to come out of your mouth.' Joey said, still staring at the ring Chris held in front of him.
'Christopher, you mean more to me than my own life. I'd gladly give it up to know that you'd be safe. I look at the tear-stained faces of our friends and I realize just what it took for you to tell them these things, for you to say them to me.' Joey continued. Chris dropped his head and stared at the floor, expecting a 'but' to come from Joey's mouth next.
'Yes. I'll be yours for as long as you'll have me. Nothing in this world would or could make me happier. You fill a void in my life that I never thought would be filled.' Joey lifted Chris' face to his and kissed him. Chris slipped the gold band on Joey's hand and smiled at him.
So, Joey and Chris are now officially a couple. Everyone was okay with it of course. Shocked as hell, but okay with it.
The days and weeks seemed to fly by. I was gathering more and more film for the video. Plus some racy things that wouldn't be shown to the public. Kevin's really an exhibitionist at heart. I think that over the course of this tour everyone in the 2 bands, the crew, and the dancers, everyone..... has seen his ass. He got into this mooning phase and he made sure that everyone had a view. It is a nice ass and all but I made sure to yell at him each time that he did it. It was my ass after all. Well, not mine but I was taking possession of it =)
I had started sending what film and pictures I had taken back to my studio in Michigan so that everything was there when I needed to cut this all together I wouldn't have to lug tapes back with me.
It was a typical tour day when I woke up. I knew that it was not good though. I woke up in a mood. And it wasn't a good one. So far, no one was lucky (?) enough to witness one of my bad days. I'd been extremely happy and content. But, I can only be so cheery and happy for so long and then something has to snap. I rolled over to look at the clock and Kevin was lying there staring at me like he always did I'm sure, when he got up before me. Today, however, I wasn't in the mood to have him watching me. So, I rolled back over, made a gruff sound and placed my head under my pillow and curled up into a ball. (I get childish when I'm moody)
Ok. Let me explain some before I go on. I've always been a very closeted person (no pun intended) with my feelings and emotions. I shared them when and only when I chose to share them. No amount of pushing or prodding would get me to talk. This is something that was hard on those around me. Especially people I dated. I lost a lot of boyfriends that way. No one understood my need, my yearning to just be in a bad mood now and then. I know it's hard to explain but I need it.
Sadly, Kevin didn't take the hint when I rolled away from him. And damn it if he didn't follow my mom's advice, which was to get me to talk, by forcing me if necessary. I felt his hand brush my shoulder and stroke my hair. I moved away from his touch. I needed to be in a bad mood. It's cathartic for me in a way. It lets me get things out that I've been holding in. I managed to get out of the reach of him until I felt him move closer. I tried moving again only to realize that I was on the edge of the bed.
'Josh, honey. What's wrong?'
'Nothing. I'm in a bad mood.' I answered in my nastiest voice.
'Can I cheer you up?' he said, very seductively I might add. Had I not been in such a pissy mood I'd have jumped him right there.
'NO. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't try. I just want to be alone. I don't want to do or say anything to hurt you.'
'Come on honey. Talk to me. I want to help you.'
Deep down I'm sure that I appreciated his caring and willingness to want to make me feel better. But, I wasn't having any of it.
I flew out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I slammed the door shut and I'm sure that I left him stunned and more than a little hurt. I tried to warn him.
I locked the door and turned on the fan, trying to make noise so I wouldn't hear him through the door. I knew that he'd try to talk to me in a minute.
I felt the door jiggle and I heard Kevin through the door, 'Joshy. Please. Let me in.'
Damn it. He was being mean now. He used the cutesy name. Evil man. I yelled through the door, 'Go away Kevin.'
I jumped in the shower and turned on the water. I was able to almost drown out his knocking on the door.
About 10 minutes later he stopped. I started to cry. And cry and cry and cry.
I shut off the shower, opened the bathroom door and ran into the room. I ran up to him, still wet from my shower and hugged him. Still crying into his chest he just held me. I felt the coldness of the necklace that I bought him, against my face and I cried harder. We stayed like that for how long I'm not sure. He didn't say a word to me. All he did was hold me and let me cry.
I finally looked up at him and his eyes held nothing but fear and pain. I had seen this look before. All of my previous boyfriends got this look. None of them stayed very long after my first 'bad mood session.' They all broke up with me not too long afterward. I expected something similar from Kevin. I should have known better but I was being negative.
I had stopped crying now and I buried my face in his chest again.
Finally, he said something.
'Ok. Is it out of your system yet? If not, I'll hold you as long as you need me to do it.'
I nodded in his chest. I felt like such an ass. But, I needed to cry.
He took me back to the bed and laid me down. He covered me up and started to get up.
'Don't. Don't leave me. Please?' I begged him, putting a death grip on his arm.
'Shhh. I'm going to call Brian and tell him that we aren't gonna do anything today is all. I'll be right here. I'm not going to leave you. Ever. Understand me? Never. You can throw all the attitude at me you want. I know you don't really mean it. It's the emotions talking. Now. I'm gonna call Brian.'
I simply nodded but didn't let him go. I wanted to apologize to him so badly. I wanted to say so many things to him that I couldn't form the words in my head. I realized then how much he truly loved me. And I hated myself for scaring him the way that I did.
I heard him talking to Brian and then hang up the phone and slide under the covers and hold on to me. I started to cry again. But I wasn't alone this time. I felt him crying too. I turned to look at him and I saw a look on his face that I never want to see again.
I stopped. Stopped crying. Stopped breathing. Stopped everything.
'I hurt when you hurt. I'll cry when you cry. I'll laugh when you laugh. Everything you feel I can feel too. Don't you see that? I'm being tore up inside. Tell me what you're feeling, what I can do to help. Please.' Kevin pleaded with me to talk to him.
'Why do you love me so much? What's so special about me? What makes you care? I have been trying to answer these questions in my head for months now. I'm not questioning your love. I know you love me. But, part of me wonders why. I suppose it's that I'm not used to having someone love me so deeply, so emotionally, so unconditionally. It scared me is all.' I answered him the best way that I could.
'This is my not so good side. The side that I try to hide from people as long as possible. Generally, this is where my old boyfriends decide that things just aren't working and that it would be better if we weren't together anymore. I know you told me that we'd be together forever. But, say it again please, I need to hear it again.' I said, begging again.
'Josh. My love. I'm yours forever. Nothing will keep me from you. Not moods, not fights, not anything. I love you with all my heart.' Kevin explained. I small smile appeared on his face.
'I need to show you something. I'll be right back.' he got up and walked over to the closet and grabbed a box.
He walked back over and pulled me up so that we were both sitting upright in bed. I still clung on to him and he opened the box. It was about the size of a shoebox. Inside were all kinds of papers and pictures.
'What is all of this?' I asked him.
'These are things that I've kept since I met you. Here, these are the ticket stubs from our first movie in Detroit. Here's the polaroid our parents and us at the hotel. I have the menu from our first real date. I have everything that we've ever done together in here. Sometimes, when you're in the shower, or off with one of the other guys, or even sleeping, I pull out this box and I fall in love with you all over again. I realize what we mean to each other, what changes we've made in each other's lives.'
I turned to that I was facing him, 'You saved all of this? All these memories. All these treasures. Of Us? How could I be so stupid? I'm such an idiot.'
'I doubted your love for me. I dared to question it. I don't deserve you.' I said, burying my head in his chest again.
'Hey hey hey. Look at me. Doubts are part of being human. If you ever need to be reminded, ask me. I'll tell you how much I love you. Shout it from the hills if you want me to do it. I'll even tell the world.' Kevin, pulled me up to look into his eyes.
'You'd do that for me? You'd tell the world about us? But, your career, your life. They might be ruined. I would never ask that of you. Ever.'
'But, know that I would do it if you ever asked. I wouldn't hesitate. Not even for a moment.'
We lay in bed together for he rest of the morning. I think that we nodded off for a while.
I woke up to see him staring at me again. He got a worried look on his face when he realized that I caught him.
I just smiled at him.
'Why you put up with me sometimes is beyond me.' I laughed.
There was a knock at the door and Kevin got up to answer it. He came back in wheeling a cart with food on it.
'Remind me to thank Brian later.' he said, setting the trays down so that we could eat in bed.
We ate in relative silence. Feeding each other little bits of food. The events of the previous hours swept carefully in the past.
I realized that I needed another shower and I put the trays back on the cart and proceeded to push Kevin into the bathroom. He started to get undressed and I stopped him. Then I slowly started to undress him. Removing his t-shirt, I slowly run my tongue up and down his chest. I then removed his boxers and kissed my way up his thighs. I flicked my tongue across the tip of his penis and it started to stir. I then placed the entire thing in my mouth and kept it there until he was fully erect. Small moans escaped his lips as I started my assault. I was determined to make him happy. I felt his balls tighten as I lightly caressed them and I was rewarded with a shout from Kevin and blasts of juice down my throat. He pulled me up off my knees and kissed me. We stepped into the shower and proceeded to wash all the hurt, all the pain, all the anguish from the morning from us.
We got out of the shower a happy couple. More importantly, I emerged feeling more loved than I ever thought possible and loving someone equally if not more. He went out into the room to get dressed. I looked at myself in the mirror and smirked at the 'love mark' left by him on my neck. Ordinarily, I would have covered it up. But, I purposely wore a t-shirt that day that exposed it for the world to see and no amount of ribbing by the guys would embarrass me. I wanted everyone that saw me to know that I was in love. Of course, most people would just think that I got some. But hey, I knew the truth.
Just then I heard a gunshot ring out, Kevin screamed. I ran out into the room to see him on the floor in a pool of blood (LOL.....just kidding.!!!!!!!! Told you that I didn't like cliches. Just my odd sense of humor. I thought that this chapter was a little heavy so I decided to end on some humor)
Write to me as always at Kevsstory@aol.com. Email rules. Or IM me if you're on AOL and you see me. I always like to talk about my story if I've got the time. I would like a little feedback on something if you do write me : should I limit my story to Kevin and Josh's relationship or do you guys like reading about what happens with the others. I'm kind of in between on this and would like some responses. Thanks =)