Kismet

Kismet Chapter 5

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Chapter Five

When I got home from work, I saw Cheryl outside sitting on the front stoop with Mason. I walked over to speak since I knew that Jax would be gone to pick up CJ to have the talk. There was a vibe of impending doom in the air.

"I was just having a talk with Mason about a family matter" she said.

"Yeah, I figured as much" I said.

"Mike filled you in on it?" she asked.

"Yeah. I told him he should definitely run it by you before jumping into it" I said. She looked grateful.

"What's a `family matter', mom?" Mason asked.

"Maybe I should go..." I told her.

"We'll let you know how everything goes later" she said. I nodded and walked back to my house. I put Momo's food down and turned on the TV; I didn't really feel like eating right now. I wondered how it was going with Jax and CJ. I was antsy so I got my bike out and went for a little cardio, not a long ride, just as fast as I could go to work off stress. I went about a mile or so and then turned around and raced back full speed. I popped the garage door and was putting up my bike when CJ walked by me into the house. I shut the door and went to see what was up.

"Uh...Hi! No, I'm not doing anything. Sure, come on in" I said sarcastically.

"I'm staying here tonight" he declared, definitely not a question.

"What's up?" I asked, even though I pretty much already knew.

"Everybody I know has been lying to me my whole life" he said.

"Well, I've only known for sure for a couple of days, but if Jax had asked me to tell I probably would have kept the secret too" I said, "so you can be mad at me too."

I could see his mind running at lightspeed, then he said "No, I don't think you would have. You've been straight up with me on everything so far."

"Let me ask you something, does this new information change the way you feel about anybody?" I asked, using one of my work techniques.

"Yes!...well...no...I don't know" he looked lost.

"Do they know where you are?" I asked.

"No, they were babying Mason and I took off. I got tired of listening to them worrying about him, this doesn't affect him" he said chewing on a fingernail angrily.

"Yes, actually it does affect him. Maybe not like it does you, but he's younger and from his standpoint he just lost a brother" I said softly.

A switch flipped and I could see the tears forming in his eyes.

"I'm going to call your mom and let them know you're over here" I said.

"I'm not going back there tonight" he insisted.

"I hear you, and I'll do what I can" I said.

I called and let Cheryl and Jax know that he was safe and with me. I also said he really doesn't want to come back over there tonight. I could hear Cheryl and Jax arguing in the background. Jax took the phone and said he could stay but would I try to talk some sense into him. I was already on the case, so I said sure. When I hung up and turned around Chris was gone. The doors were still closed so I knew he was in the house. I went upstairs and found him in my spare bedroom. He was sitting on the bed so I went over and sat beside him.

"They said it's okay for you to stay here tonight" I told him, "And I know you didn't actually ask, but it's okay with me too. Are you okay with getting a hug from a gay guy? You look like you need one."

"Okay" he said, sounding defeated.

After a long while of me holding him and listening to his sniffles he finally calmed down some.

"You know, Eddie, I started thinking these thoughts...wondering stuff...about a year ago. I'm not stupid and I know I don't look like who I thought were my mom and dad. When I looked in the mirror, I kept seeing Uncle Mike looking back at me, only a younger and better-looking" he attempted a joke, "but I never really thought it was true."

"I know it's a lot to take in. Have you ever thought of the upside?" I asked, "Now you have a dad again, a real blood related dad."

"A real lying faggot dad!" he spat.

I ignored the insult and continued "That's not fair, CJ. Did he ever lie to you about it? Did you ever ask him and he denied it?"

"No... but" he started.

I interrupted, "Then he's not a liar. He did what he thought was best for you at the time. Think about the situation he was in; have you done the math? Mike is 28 years old. You are 13. That means he was 15 when you were born. Can you figure out any way a 15-year-old would be able to support himself and raise a child?"

"What about my real mom?" he said.

"She came to his family wanting money for an abortion. Mike talked her into carrying you and Cheryl and Gary adopted you for his sake. If it weren't for Mike, you literally wouldn't be alive" I said. I hoped I wasn't overstepping my boundaries but I wanted him to know. "Your dad, Uncle Mike, told me the other day and he said if your mom, Cheryl, didn't want you to know, he would just leave so you guys could be happy. He would just pick up and move out of state again."

"But...I never wanted him to go away..." he said, breaking into tears again. I rubbed his back as he struggled to get his feelings in check again.

"It's okay, take some deep breaths" I said. "Look, here's what we'll do. This room will be your escape hatch" I handed him the spare key back "any time you need a break from everything just come over and use this room till you feel in control again."

He stared at the key in his hand and after a long pause he said "I love you, Eddie" then quickly added "not in a gay way though."

I laughed which started him laughing and just like that I felt like the crisis was over. I said "I love you too, man, strictly as good friends; no homo. I'm going downstairs to call Jax. Should I tell him you're okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess. I think I'm going to be okay. I feel better with you. Can I still stay here tonight?" he asked.

"Sure" I answered. Walking down the stairs the thought struck me that the son told me he loved before the boyfriend did, what's up with that?

"Hey" I said.

"How'd it go?" Jax anxiously asked.

"I think he's okay now, relatively speaking" I said, "how about Mason?"

"He'll be okay. He said that brothers and cousins are nearly the same thing anyway."

"I told CJ he could stay tonight; give him a chance to get his thoughts together, you know? And, I gave him my spare key. I told him my spare room is his own private getaway if things get too intense for him" I said.

"That was nice of you. Still can't believe you put so much trust in a 13-year-old" he said.

"Well...the 13-year-old just told me something I haven't heard from his father yet" I hinted.

"What's that? Did I do something else?" Jax asked.

"He said he loved me" I said, "but he made sure to amend it to let me know it's not in a gay way."

Jax laughed, "I thought you would have figured out how I felt about you by now."

"You really do have commitment and trust issues" I said, "we'll have to work on that."

"You don't have to say something to make it real" he said, "I was raised in a house where that wasn't thrown around all the time. It feels sappy to me when people are always saying it."

"Issues" I said. He huffed into the phone, frustrated.

"Okay, Doctor, I'll work on it" he said, "but you know you mean a lot to me, and I don't have intimacy issues of any other kind. I showed you that this weekend. But if you insist on having to hear it..."

"Look, Jax, I love you. I won't force you if you're not ready" I said.

"I do love you. There. There's your words" he said.

"That's better, but not very convincing, not much feeling" I said. I was messing with him now.

"I don't like being apart from you. I wish I could come over now, but I don't want to piss Jacob off any more. I feel like I need you around. I think all that equals love, but you tell me since you're the expert" he said.

"All kidding aside, I'm really tired; I think I'm going to turn in. I'll send CJ back over in time to get ready for school in the morning" I said.

"Ok, good night, I love you" Jax said.

"Keep working on it. That sounded more real" I chuckled "I love you too, Mikey. Good night." I hung up before he could say anything else. I got up and turned off all the lights and, out of habit, started undressing on the way up the stairs. I threw my clothes on the bed and walked into my bathroom to brush my teeth. I looked in the mirror and saw CJ standing behind me.

"I guess we're even now" he said.

"How's that?" I asked.

"Well, you saw me naked at my house..." he said.

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't even thinking about it. Just getting ready for bed" I said, as I quickly pulled on my sleep shorts.

"It's okay. I see naked guys all the time on the football team" he said, "You're in pretty good shape for an old guy."

I gave him an `ok smartass' look and said "Is there a reason you came in here?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to see if they said it's okay for me to stay?" he asked.

"I wouldn't have been bare-assed brushing my teeth, getting ready for bed if they'd said no" I told him.

"I guess that's true" he said "well, good night then."

"Good night, buddy" I said.

He walked across the hall and shut the door, I waited until I saw the light go out under the edge of his door, then I closed my door and went to bed.

I woke up hearing a noise. It sounded like water running and something else. I walked into the hallway and saw light in the hallway coming from the open door of the guest bathroom. CJ was in the shower. So, apparently, he was an early riser like me. However, along with the sound of the shower running was the light `fap, fap, fap' of teenage hormones being released; I backed off and went downstairs to give him his privacy. I stood and put a k-cup in the Keurig and had to stop and pull my shorts back up off the floor after Momo tried to climb me and pulled them off. I sat him on the counter for petting while my coffee brewed; nothing like a hot cup of coffee and cat hair. Once the coffee stopped, I picked Momo up and sat him on my shoulder. He's rode on my shoulders since he was a little kitten. I went in the living room and turned on the local news. Momo went from the top of my chair to the end table then over to the couch where he sat on the back, looking out of the window at some birds perched in the bushes outside. About half a cup of coffee later, CJ joined me, sitting on the couch to put on his shoes. I had to have some fun with the boy.

"Your face looks flushed, are you feeling ok?" I asked.

"I just got out of the shower" he said.

"You look like you just ran a race or something, are you sure you're not ill?" I asked again.

"Were you perving on me in the shower?" he said.

"Well, it sounded like somebody keeping the beat to a song in there" I laughed, "You should learn to close the door."

"Everything gets fogged over" he said.

"That's what exhaust fans are for" I countered. He sighed but just kept sitting there.

"Shouldn't you be getting home to get ready" I asked.

"Yeah, I guess so. I wish I lived here" he said.

"Find somewhere to keep that key safe" I reminded him.

"I'll put it on my neck chain with the key to the other house" he said. He opened the front door and started out, then turned around came back and gave me a hug and said "Thanks for everything, Eddie, I really do love you. No homo!"

He went out the front and I locked up behind him and put my cup in the sink before heading back upstairs for a shower so I could get ready for work. I stopped in the guest bath and picked up the towel he threw in the floor and hung it back up on the way. I took a quick shower, got dressed and started my commute.

Sitting at my desk at work my phone vibrated. Text message.

Jax: He's still not talking to us

Me: Give him time. He has a lot of feelings to sort through.

Jax: It's hard

Me: Life in general is hard, boyfriend

Jax: I feel like I fucked everything up

Me; Nah, it would have all come out sooner or later. At least this way you get credit for telling him rather than him finding out some other

way.

Jax: You think?

Me; He let me know in no uncertain terms that he likes truth, don't ever lie to him

Jax: Never again.

Me: Gotta go. Patients. Love you.

Jax: I love you too. I really do mean it, even though you doubt me.

Me: I'll see you tonight.

On the way home I got a call from Cheryl. I had my airpods in so I talked as I drove.

"Hey Eddie, it's Cheryl" she said.

"Yeah, Cheryl, what's up?" I asked.

"I was just about to go pick Chris up from practice. Before he's with me I just wanted to tell you, I don't know what you did, but thanks" she said.

"What's that for?" I asked.

"When he came home this morning to get ready for school, he pulled me in the kitchen and told me he still considers me his mom" she said, "he told me if his blood mother had wanted him, he would have never been adopted to begin with."

"Awesome" I said. I was glad at least something was working out right. "What about Mike? Did he say anything about that situation?"

"Not yet" she said.

"I think he just needs time to wrap his head around it all" I said.

"I hope so, Mike was pretty down this morning before he left. Chris ignored him; he just got ready and went to wait for the bus."

"I'll take Mike off your hands for a while tonight and try to cheer him up" I said.

"Thanks, Eddie. You're a good friend" she said.

After I got home, I changed into my riding gear while ringing Jax's phone. I asked if he wanted to go for a long ride and get dinner. He said sure. I reminded him, we'd need headlamps and reflective gear for the ride back. We both got ready and I met him on the road. We rode up Old Tuscaloosa Highway and crossed over by the high school to the shopping center to eat at San Antonio Grill. I was really craving a frozen margarita. Since we had to ride back, we compromised and got one small one and split it. I had a chimichanga while he sat listlessly picking at his taco salad.

"It's going to be all right, buddy. I promise" I said.

"You can't promise that. You don't know" he said.

"My intuition says it will be all right" I reiterated.

"I fucked up, Ed" he said.

"No, you didn't" I said. "Stay with me tonight. Don't go to Cheryl's. Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

"I don't know..." he said.

"Trust me." I said.

I texted Cheryl and let her know that her oldest child would be having a sleepover with me tonight. I told her to not mention anything about it to CJ unless he specifically asked. She said okay.

"Done deal" I told him, "Now eat your taco salad, you may need the energy tonight."

He looked at me with one raised eyebrow, then started eating his food like a normal person. We rode back down via Eastern Valley Road, which was too busy even at 8pm. I popped the garage door and we brought both bikes in and closed it down. By the time we got to the top of the stairs, we were carrying our clothes in our hands. We tossed them on the dresser and he joined me in the shower for a quick cool down. I wanted him to relax tonight so I got on me knees and took him in my mouth and gave the best head I could muster. He was standing on his tip toes by the end and I jacked myself while pleasuring him. He dumped into my throat as I shot into the drain. We rinsed off under the mostly cool water, now that the hot water was running out. We turned off the shower and I got a big towel sheet and dried him and me, then led him by the hand to my bed. We lay side by side in the dark in silence. I pretended to be asleep.

"Eddie, are you still awake?" he whispered. I didn't say anything.

"I guess you're asleep already" he whispered. "I want you to know I really do love you. I'm not good at telling people how I feel. I've hidden my feelings most of my life. Do you realize, in the short time we've known each other, I've become closer to you than anybody ever before? I wish I could just get the courage up to tell you when you're awake how much I love you."

I rolled up on one elbow and said "You just did." I leaned over and planted a big kiss on him, which he returned with passion. We lay on our sides facing each other, breathing each other's breath until we finally fell asleep. The last thing I remember before falling asleep was Momo stomping out a bed between our feet.

Lambodara 6/8/21

Comments, confusion, capitulation, camembert, etc. lambodara@protonmail.com

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