Kiss of an Angel 13
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"Kiss Of An Angel 13"
My last final of the week was a bit brutal on me, but I think I was more concerned with just taking the test and getting out of there more than giving it any extra frustrating effort. Any teacher that would make a test that hard would only get madder at you for doing well on it anyway. So not fair.
But once I was done, I sprung up out of my seat and practically bolted out of the room as fast as I could. Visions of Tyler's blond mane of awesomeness glowing like gold in the sunlight just seemed to flood my every thought, and I couldn't WAIT to see it again. The time that we spent apart was becoming more and more unbearable by the day. I swear, I'm becoming totally addicted to my angel in every possible way.
And, gosh...does it ever feel good...
The wait probably wasn't that long at all, but it seems like an eternity when it's Tyler. I think I cursed under my breath at every blond boy that walked past me that wasn't Tyler. I began to fidget and fumble and switch from one foot to the other...it was pure TORTURE! Where is he? Where's my angel?
And then...as if by magic, Tyler's pretty pretty face emerged from the crowd of ordinary, everyday...whatever you wanna call them. There's only 'Tylers' and 'Not-Tylers' now. And 'Not-Tylers' are just in the way at this point. Hehehe, he's coming! Awwww, my hair! My hair looks stupid. I can't fix it now. Ok...here he comes. Be cool, Ariel. Be cool! Like...really 'chill'....
He walked up to me with a smile, and he's like, "Hey. You finished early."
My voice got caught up in the back of my throat, so I just nodded and said, "Mmmhmm..." Why wouldn't my lips open? Oh God, this isn't very 'chill' at all.
"You ready?" He asked me, and I nodded again, trying not to blush so hard that it caused me to pass out. He's soooooo pretty to look at! I never get enough of having my vision sweep over that perfect, beautiful, face and letting the infatuated vibrations rattle me to the point of being sick. "Hehehe, alright. Come on, let's get out of here." He said. His voice...it always makes me feel naughty inside.
Tyler and I walked and talked for a while. Well...he did most of the talking, but I chimed in whenever I found the breath to do so. And then we came to a place where his house was one way...and mine was another. I hate that corner. Seriously. I should kick it or throw rocks at it every time I walk past it, because it means not seeing my baby again until the next day. I just...I wanna be with him all the time. I never want to be out of touching range. Is that too much to ask?
We stopped for a moment, and Tyler looked at me with the cutest little sparkle in his eyes.
I don't think he wanted to walk away either. Maybe he hates this corner as much as I do.
I really do love that Tyler's just slightly taller than me. Hehehe, just enough where I have to lift my chin and look up into those bright eyes of his whenever we're close...trying to steady myself long enough to be ready for the next kiss. Even after all this time, I still get that jittery feeling in my chest whenever I see the beauty of his smile. I'm literally SHAKING right now! I can barely catch my breath, being so close to him. My heart beating too fast for me to stand still without fidgeting. Why does he do this to me? I mean, I don't even think Randy, at the HEIGHT of the biggest crush in my life, had this kind of frightening effect on my senses!
And yet....sighhhh.....
I think that makes the whole thing even more real for me. That nervousness is something that goes sooooo far beyond random bashfulness in front of a cute boy. Beyond hiding a naughty little stiffy in public because he's so HOT that I can't control myself. Beyond a few flirtatious blushes and broken comments in passing conversation. No...Tyler was a full blown attack on everything that made me feel comfortable and safe. But you know what? Once I settled in and gave him the first few baby steps needed to trust him to be careful with my fragile heart...Tyler instantly volunteered to be the one to keep me safe and comfortable. In his arms, I found all the warmth and protection that I would ever need. In his kiss, I found the love and affection that would always make me feel beautiful, loved, and appreciated.
And after my heart, mind, and spirit, had been cuddled and made to feel soooooo special during every moment of the day...
...I still had the hottest sex EVER to look forward to!!!
Could my Ty be any MORE perfect??? Hehehe, the others must be sooooo JEALOUS! And they should be! So 'nah nah'! Can't have him! He's mine! Hehehe!
I think he's the only one in the world who could make me enjoy this queasy turbulence in the center of my stomach. I don't know...it just lets me know that he 'matters', you know? This isn't just me looking at him and wanting a ten minute roll in the hay...or um...the grass...or whatever. No. This is real. Wow...I'm in love. I'm SO in love! And if my little inexperienced body decides that it can't handle all this emotion and sex and love and kisses and...all around 'awesomeness'....and my heart stops cold tomorrow in my sleep...at least I'll die with a smile on my face. I don't think I've lost my smile since Tyler's first kiss. I doubt I'll ever lose it again. Hehehe!
And have I been standing here thinking all these things to myself and looking up into Tyler's eyes without saying anything? Awww...darnit! I'm so weird.
"Sorry..." I said.
"What are you sorry for?"
"I was...daydreaming and stuff again. That's all. I do that sometimes." I looked down at my feet. "I'm a total geek. I know."
"No you're not. Hehehe, STOP that!" Tyler said. "I love everything about you. Everything. Even when you think you're being weird, I'm even more drawn to you than I was before." I was able to look him in the eye for a second or two, trying to see if he was just playing around or not. But...wow...Tyler's eyes can be soooo intimidating sometimes! I know that he doesn't mean for them to be, but it just...it makes your stomach feel like it's full of bricks and candy, and your legs get so weak that you doubt your ability to keep your balance when he looks at you directly. How does he do that? It's so....so cool.
Hehehe, see? I'm shaking again. This just isn't fair. He has some level of control over himself...why can't I?
"Hehehe...hi..." I said. I don't know why. It was the only thing that came to mind. My trembling got worse, and Tyler smiled at me, which turned those nervous jitters into full blown tectonic quakes of fury.
"Are you ok?" He giggled, and I couldn't really speak. I could blush...but I couldn't speak. So I just nodded my head with a grin. He's SO blond! Feathery blond...like sunshine on ripples of water in the lake. No wonder I'm in the middle of a Ty attack. "You are too cute!" He said, and he stepped closer to me, forcing me to tilt my head back a little further just so I could look him in the eye. Sighhhh...he's gorgeous. Totally gorgeous. "So what do you say? You wanna come over for a while? Maybe celebrate getting a week off from school? Might be fun."
"Hehehe, ummm...I dunno..." I replied under my breath.
Tyler's smile got wider. "You don't know? Hehehe, I think you know. You just don't wanna tell me."
"Nuh unh..." I giggled. He waited for me to say it out loud, so...I sort of playfully rolled my eyes and said, "Mkay..."
"You sure? I don't want to force you or anything. Hehehe!"
"I do. I said it already, so there." I could only peek into his eyes for a few seconds at a time, but I managed to tell him, "I have to go home first. I gotta check in with my Gramms and stuff, and then I'll drop my backpack off and come over. K?"
"Ok." He said. "I'll clean up my room a bit and I'll see you when you get there."
"Mkay..." I whispered, getting anxious as I found myself having to say goodbye. "I'll, um...I'll hurry up."
"Good." Tyler said, waiting for me to say something else. Hehehe, I think it made him laugh to see me struggle with being shy sometimes. But I was able to do it when it came to my sweetie. He was worth it. "Hehehe..."
"Well...you'd better get going." He grinned.
"I wanna kiss you when I get there." I said.
"Hehehe, ok."
"Um...I wanna kiss you a lot when I get there."
"I think we can work that out." He chuckled. "Now go. You're making me wait too long already."
"Ok. I'll hurry up. Promise." I said, and I turned around to start walking home when I tripped over a raised part of the sidewalk. Tyler cringed when he saw me stumble forward, but...believe it or not, I caught myself. I didn't fall down at all. Oh, Thank God! I would have looked all goofy and stupid again. "I'm ok. I'm cool." I said, and looked back at Tyler one more time before rushing home. Today is NOT a good day for one of my little 'accidents'.
I couldn't slow down my pace if I tried as I trotted home. The only reason that I didn't just go galloping off at full speed is that I didn't want to get myself all sweaty by the time I got there. Then I'd have to shower all over again. You know....just in case I get a chance to be naked with my baby again. I wonder if I have any pineapple juice left in the fridge. I should drink some. Yeah...I should definitely have another glass or two.
Hehehe, listen to me! I hope Tyler doesn't think I'm just using him for sex...even though I totally am! I mean, there's other stuff too. Really cute stuff. But YOU try being around Tyler Jordan and not think about hours and hours of super hot boy sex! It's not easy. Sometimes it hurts to look at him. It's like the pull is too strong for me to hold my ground. You almost have to kiss him. Especially when he smiles. Omigod, I LOVE his smile!
I've been thinking about...I dunno...maybe buying him something. Like...like an 'I love you' gift. I have no idea what that gift could be, but...I'm not so good with words. Not when it comes to him. I get tongue tied and bashful and then accidents start happening around me. I just....I feel so helpless sometimes. I want to let him know that he's...he's...he's just the most amazing and dreamy boy in the whole wide world. And I just can't seem to do that. Not unless his back is turned. And even then it's a struggle. I just wish that talking to him was easier. I'd be so cool if I could talk to Tyler the way he talks to me. Hehehe, I'd romance him so HARD! I'm talking, like, sonnet after sonnet of love poetry, and rich metaphorical descriptions of his unmatched beauty, and super naughty whispers in his ear whenever we....do stuff.
Ugh! Who am I foolin'? I'm blushing right now on a neighborhood street just thinking about it. I don't know...maybe I'll get better. Baby steps, right? I mean, it took me forever to get this far with him, so maybe one day I can get even further. When love feels so strong that it'll last forever...time isn't even a issue. Because, no matter what, I'm gonna love Tyler Jordan for the rest of my life. I know that now. There's no doubt in my mind that he's the one for me. He's the one that makes it all make sense. Life. Love. Hell, even calculus makes sense to me now. He's such a dreamboat.
Hehehe, does anybody else feel that? It tickles. Tyler's making me feel all tickly inside again.
I felt my feet picking up the pace as I got closer and closer to home. I was almost tripping myself up by the time I reached the front door. I rushed inside and kicked my shoes off on the carpet.
"Ariel? Is that you?" My Gramms called out.
"Yes, Gramms. I'm home, but just for a little bit. Ok?"
"Well, wait...how did your test go?"
"Awesome." I said, quickly. I just wanted to get upstairs, drop my backpack off and run right back out. Tyler's waiting. He's totally waiting. Hehehe, rad.
"Awesome? Is that good or bad?" She asked.
"It's good. It went fine." I said. She stepped around the corner from the kitchen, wiping her hands off on a towel.
"Ok..." She said.
I was getting anxious already. "Gramms, I really can't stay long. I'm going out for a while. But I'll be back around time for dinner, ok?"
"What's the big hurry?"
"Hurry? I'm...I'm not hurrying. I just..." I got nervous and just told her, "I've gotta take my books and stuff upstairs." I rushed up the steps before she could stop me, and I was praying that she'd let me out of the house without too many more questions.
Not that I wanted to be rude or anything, I just...I mean....it's Tyler. You know?
I put my books down by my desk and took a quick look in the mirror. Ugh! What's WITH my hair today??? I kept teasing it and pushing it and pulling it...it just kept looking weird to me. Ah forget it. Hopefully it'll be all frizzy and messed up in a couple of minutes anyway. Hehehe! Tyler likes my hair. He plays with it when we kiss sometimes. I think it's cute when he does that.
Should I change my shirt? No...I like this shirt. I'm fine. I look fine. Ok, good.
I started to come back down the stairs, checking my pockets to make sure I had my house key. But before I could just holler out a quick goodbye and leave, Gramms called out to me again. "Ariel? Do you want me to make you something for lunch? Just a quick sandwich or something before you go out?"
"No, thank you, Gramms. I have to go now..."
"Ariel?" Ahhhhhh! What is she DOING to me right now?
"What...?" I grunted.
"Excuse me?" Uh oh. It was the 'don't take that tone with me' voice. I sighed to myself and walked to the doorway of the kitchen. Maybe if she just saw my face for a minute or two, she'd let me go.
"Sorry, Gramms..." I said softly.
She wasn't really upset or anything, but she seemed concerned about something. She paused for a moment, and she said, "Ariel, sit down for a moment. I wanted to talk you."
"Awww, Gramms...I'm really not hungry, ok? I really wanna go."
"It'll only be for a minute. Come here. Sit." She said. It was really hard not to pout and roll my eyes, but I did as I was told and sat at the kitchen table with her. I looked off into space for a moment, trying not to show any signs of aggravation in my eyes, but I looked down when I felt her take a light hold of my hand. She gave me a warm smile, and said, "You know...with your final exams and all, you've been dashing out of this house like a Great Dane morning after morning. I hardly get to see you at all. Just a blur and a backpack." I REALLY wanted to go! But trying to hurry things along was only going to drag them out for even longer. There was another brief pause, and she asked me, "Going over to Tyler's house again today, I take it?"
Ok...so that got my attention. "We're just...hanging out...places. And...stuff..."
She nodded as her eyes went to the table, and she gave my hand a squeeze. "Figures. Nobody gets you up and running like Tyler does." I hid my eyes from her, feeling this weird thickness in the air. And it seemed to be getting slightly worse. Harder to breathe. "That Tyler...he's a charmer. A really nice boy." Then she added. "He's quite a looker too. A heartbreaker if I ever saw one."
Something felt...'wrong' about this whole conversation. I started to lightly pull my hand away, but she gave it another squeeze to silently tell me to stay.
"He certainly gets a kick out of you two, from the looks of it. He comes all the way over here in the mornings, just to walk you to school..."
"I should go. I'm sorry. I can talk later..." I said. My heart was beating faster and faster. This isn't good. No good at all.
"Ariel?"
She looked up into my eyes, and all I kept thinking to myself was, "Please don't ask! Please don't ask! Please don't ask! PLEASE!!!"
The look on her face changed slightly. I must have looked like a frightened little rabbit at that moment. So she stopped herself and said, "You know...back when I was a little girl, maybe a little younger than you are now...I used to love to read crime novels. The old stories with some sort of grisly murder and a daring detective trying hard to hunt them down. Those books brought me so much joy." Really? She wants to tell me this now? Right NOW??? Arrrgh! She saw a look of confusion on my face, and she said, "Well, back then there were people who thought this was a very 'strange' thing for a young lady to do. I was supposed to be playing dress up and brushing my doll's hair. If anything, I should be reading romance novels. That's what they thought was...well, normal." Gramms leaned closer to me and said, "My mother and father, the next door neighbors, even a well meaning family friend from the church...they all tried to find things that they felt were more appropriate. More fitting. But as soon as I was alone...I'd crack open another novel and pick up right where I left off. I had them hidden all over the house. Under the bed, under the sink, on the top shelf of the closet...I had flashlights hidden too, just in case I had to sneak around at night. That was something that I really enjoyed. That was my 'normal'."
I wrinkled up my forehead. "That's it? I don't get it. What's so weird about a girl reading crime novels?"
"Absolutely nothing, Ariel. Absolutely nothing." She smiled. She let go of my hand and leaned back in her chair. "Nobody can tell you how to be 'you'. Sometimes, you've just got to find the joys in your life, and hold onto them with all your might. It's not your job to make other people happy. It's your job to BE happy. Even when you're worried that...the people around you won't understand."
I don't know what I did. I'm such a dummy. She knows....doesn't she? I did something stupid, and now she knows. I felt totally naked at that moment. And all I could do was droop my head a bit and avoid her gaze by letting my hair flop down in front of my guilty eyes.
She said, "There's never any shame in being happy, hon. There are going to be so many moments of beauty and sunshine in your life. Things that grab a hold of your heart and bring you such moments of joy. Some of them are such little things. Some not so little. And others? Well, others will be so overpowering that they nearly knock you right on your butt. But one day, you'll get to be my age, and you'll look back at all the love and happiness that you've experienced over the years, and you'll realize that...if you're not happy...what else is there?"
I don't know why I felt like crying all of a sudden. There was just this pressure building up in the back of my throat. I couldn't...I just couldn't say what I think she wanted me to say. I don't think I was really ready to say it out loud. Not yet. Not to her. Not to my Gramms. But I was closer to a confession than I've ever been. I think...I think I needed to leave. I needed some air.
"I'm gonna be late..." I mumbled, just above a whisper, from underneath my veil of hair.
My Gramms patted me gently on the arm to let me know that it was ok for me to leave. I stood up on my feet slowly, but before I could step back from the kitchen table, she said, "Give Tyler a kiss for me." It was sooooo hard not to be completely embarrassed in front of her now. But she just gave me a tender smile and said, "Like I told you before...I know young love when I see it."
Suddenly, without thinking, I just kind of lunged forward and hugged my Gramms around the neck. "Thank you, Gramms."
She hummed and held me close for a moment, and then handed me a napkin off of the table when she saw my eyes getting all watery and red. "Here. Dry off. You don't want to get all puffy. Go. Go find your 'normal', and take every moment of joy that it's got to offer you. Alright?"
"Ok...." I whined, trying not to let any of the tears fall. "...bye..." I whispered, and she grinned to herself as I slowly shuffled my way out of the front door.
My legs felt like they had no bones at all. Weak and wobbly, nearly throwing me to the ground with every step. I didn't know what this meant for me. I didn't really understand. I mean, Gramms wasn't mad at me. She wasn't...disappointed or ashamed. She basically told me that it was ok, me being...'different'. But, if it's ok...why do I still feel so awful inside? Why am I still scared? My blood is racing like crazy, and I just feel like...I don't know, like I'm having trouble letting go of the secret. It's been sooooo long. It's all I've ever known. And now it's 'out there', you know?
This is the weirdest, most alien, feeling in the whole world. I don't even know what to do with this. I felt like I was numb the whole way over to Tyler's house. I'm surprised that I didn't walk out in front of a bus. I doubt that I would have felt much of the impact if I had.
She knows. My Gramms really knows.
What the heck am I going to do now?
I was still in a bit of a daze when I walked up to Tyler's door, but before I even reached for the doorbell, he opened up and greeted me with a smile. "It's about time! I was getting myself all excited over here. Hehehe!"
Do I tell him? Will he be mad? It's not like I outed him or anything. She just kind of knew because I was so...well, backwards, as she would put it. I heard the door close behind me and thought about maybe letting Tyler know that the cat was out of the bag. But as soon as I turned around, he was already wrapping his loving arms around me and pressing those sweet pink lips of his against mine. It caught me by surprise at first, but it only took me a half second and a single whimper of bliss to catch up with what was going on. I melted instantly. My arms limply raised themselves up to allow my hands to rest lightly on Tyler's shoulders. My chin lifted, and Tyler stepped even further into my embrace, giving me a bad case of the wiggles as his tongue touched my lips. My eyes closed, I sighed out loud...letting every bad thing in my life escape in one long exhalation.
As Tyler held me firm, held me strong, I heard myself moaning again, and got worried that somebody might be home at his house. I broke the kiss and whispered, "I'm sorry. Can't help it."
"It's ok. We're alone. We've got the whole house to ourselves." He whispered back, and kissed me briefly on the lips...smiling and staring into my eyes.
It made me giggle. Not that anything was funny at the time. That sensation just makes me ticklish sometimes.
But having Tyler look at me with such warmth and love in his heart...I realized that this was my joy. This was my normal. And I'm never EVER going to let it go.
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