Knots V Part 1

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Knots V is about the knots we tie in our lives. It is continued story of two seventeen-year-old boys searching for their sexual and emotional identify during their senior year in high school. Both boys struggle with doubts about their feelings for each other and the girls in their lives. Each chapter is either a first person account from the two boys, Matt and Andy, or a third person account with a camera's eye on the action in the story. 

Knots, Knots II, Knots III, Knot IV, and Knots V follow in sequence at the same link.

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.

Contact me at eliassctt@gmail.com. I answer all e-mails.

Knots 5

Chapter 1

Matt

            It's hard to believe that Andy and I have written so much.  We both figured we'd only be writing about our freshman year, which was a traumatic year for us.  But we ended up writing Knots 5.  Who'd have thought?  Andy and I did some pretty dumb things during our first three years of high school, and if nothing else, we were a little wiser for it.  Well, at least I was.  I'm sure Andy will disagree.

            If you've been following our lives, you know that so much happened in the last three years it took four books instead of three to tell you about it.  Let's hope it doesn't take two more books to write about our senior year.  But you never know.

Andy

            I see Matt said he was a lot wiser, but he wasn't sure about me.  Yes, I was wiser and he knew it.  That doesn't mean I didn't do some stupid things my senior year, but then Matt can't say he was perfect either.  He did his best I guess.  I'm not so sure I did.  I was angry with him because, while he loved me, he wouldn't commit to me.  The problem was, I always kind of understood why, but that didn't mean it made me happy.  And as usual, I reacted the wrong way.

Matt has always been the more mature one, and I accepted that.  But hell, I'm Andy Gibson and you'll have to admit I offer some comic relief to Matt's serious side. 

            There's still so much to tell you about the friends in our lives.  I'm sure your curiosity is peaked and you want to know what happens with Thomas, Colt, Megan, and Zoe.  You'll have to read the next chapter to find out. 

Oh, sorry. I thought that we were going to end it here, but I guess not.

Thomas and Colt

When we last left Thomas, his dad told him to be sure to call Colt so they could talk about Colt's kiss with Zoe. Thomas was still pretty angry, but he had agreed.

"Hello, Thomas?"

"Yes, it's me. What the hell did you think you were doing?"

"Zoe and I were kissing. It was nice."

"Is that all you did?"

"I tried to cop a feel, but she pushed my hand away."

"What happened to our agreement, Colt?"

"Temptation. I couldn't resist it. I had to try it."

"And?"

"I hate to say, Thomas, but her lips are softer than yours. Lipstick, you know. She doesn't french kiss as well as you do though."

"Didn't you feel guilty?"

"No. Why should I? We didn't really do anything wrong. Just kissed."

"What if I told you Megan and I kissed too?"

"I'd call you a liar."

"And you'd be right because I wouldn't do that to you."

Colt didn't say anything at first. "Wouldn't do it to me or you just don't like kissing girls?"

"Well uh...uh...to be honest, I don't know. Never kissed a girl."

"Aren't you curious?"

"Not enough to cheat on my boyfriend."

"Look, it wasn't cheating. I just wanted to see what it was like. It's not like we ran off, got naked, and fucked."

"But how do I know you won't someday just to see what it's like?"

"Hell, Zoe wouldn't even let me touch her boobs, never mind getting naked and fucking."

Thomas thought, Thank God for Zoe. "But what if she had?"

"Good question, Thomas. I guess if she had, I'd have put my hands under her blouse and felt, squeezed, and massaged them like I do your fine ass."

"Yeah, but my ass doesn't have any nipples."

"Maybe not, but I can suck your nipples and squeeze your ass at the same time. Hell, I'd like to be doing that right now. Zoe left me horny and wanting sex."

"Come over then."

"Let me check with my parents."

Thomas began to think. What the hell's the matter with me? I catch him kissing Zoe, he admits trying to get a feel, and now I'm inviting him over so we can fuck? I must be crazy.

Colt came back onto the phone. "My parents said it's okay. I'll be over in a few."

*****

"I think I changed my mind," Thomas said as Colt came into his room and locked the door.

"If I'd have known that, I'd have stayed home."

"After what happened this afternoon, it doesn't seem right."

"Thomas, it was just a kiss."

Thomas sat down at his desk. "I know. But you would have done more if she'd have let you."

"Probably, but it doesn't mean I love you any less."

"What does it mean?"

"I wanted to see what it was like. That's all. It's not a crime. Hell, porn stars have committed relationships, and they're all fucking around on screen for everyone to see."

"Yeah, and how long do you think their relationships last?"

"I don't know. But they have them. I've seen gay couples interviewed. They feel the sex between them is special while sex on the set is enjoyable. It's just part of their job. Is our relationship just about sex?"

Thomas sat next to Colt on the bed. "No, but we're not porn stars. Our sex should be special, and it can only be special when we're committed to not having sex with other people. If you want, we can break up, have sex whenever we want with whomever we want, and you won't feel like I'm a weight around your neck."

"I don't feel that way. I just want you to let me experiment a little. It's not like I'm sneaking behind your back."

"Well, you promised not to do anything with Zoe, and you broke your promise. That means something."

"If I promise not to do it again, can we have sex?"

"You've already shown you can't keep a promise. Why should I trust you?"

Colt got up off the bed. "You know what, Thomas. I don't really give a shit. Either you love me and want to give me space, or you don't love me and want to tie me up in knots. But I refuse to be tied down. Maybe I was willing when I lacked confidence, and you made me feel important. But with my success in basketball and girls coming after me, I kind of want to fly."

Thomas stood, walked up to Colt, and hugged him as he whispered in his ear. "I know you want to fly. I do love you, and maybe it's time I let you out of your cage so you can fly."

Colt whispered back. "Can't I be like a homing pigeon, fly off for a time, and return to your arms?"

Thomas pulled away and looked Colt in the eyes. "We could do that. But is it right? I don't know. It just doesn't seem right."

"Thomas, we're not married. It's not like I would be committing adultery. We love each other, and to me, love means wanting what's best for the other person and making them happy."

"Yeah, Colt. Andy spouts that shit. Do you want Andy's life? If you do, then you can have it. I'll set you free."

"Set me free? You don't own me. You don't have me locked in a cage. I'm here because I want to be. I'm in this relationship because I want to be. I can go to your bedroom door, unlock it, and walk right out of here. Is that what you want?"

Thomas sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. "I don't know what I want. I love you. I want to see you happy. Yet, you seem unhappy because you're not satisfied with what we have. There's nothing I can do but let you go."

Colt sat down beside him. "But you don't have to let me go. All you have to do is just let me date Zoe."

"Colt, it won't work. What would everyone at school think? They know we're a couple. It would be embarrassing. I hate to think what Andy would say."

"Who gives a fuck what Andy thinks? Can't we think for ourselves?"

"Seems to me you were pretty much into Andy until he stopped encouraging you. And now it's Zoe. Everyone would think I was a fool. When you say love is about making the other person happy, my happiness counts too. Don't you realize that?"

Colt looked surprised. "Uh. Yeah, I guess so."

"You guess so? Either it goes both ways, or it's not love. Love requires compromise, and you're asking me to make a big compromise while you don't have to compromise anything. You want two playmates, Zoe and me. I'd have to be willing to accept that, and I'm not." No one said anything as they sat on the bed staring out the window and avoiding eye contact. "This is what I think we should do, Colt. You know how married couples have trial separations? That's what I think we should have. We can remain friends, you can date Zoe, and once you've decided what you want, we can either get back together or you can move on. What do you think?"

"But I love you, Thomas. I love having sex with you. I love being with you."

"The ball is in your court. You can't have it both ways, and I'm not sure that I can trust you right now, so I think it's best if we have a trial separation."

Colt stood. "You know what, Thomas. You are too smart for your own good. You act all mature and wise, kind of like Matt used to be. But look at him now. He's all fucked up. He doesn't know which end is up. He can't commit to Andy, and he wants to date Megan, and..." "And what?" Thomas asked.

"Shit, I just realized I'm just like Matt."

Thomas looked up at Colt and smiled. "I think you're right. But at least Matt isn't in a committed relationship with Andy. Andy's pissed about it just like I would be, but at least Matt's honest and doesn't want to have the best of both worlds like you do."

"That's not true. He and Andy still have sex. Well, at least I think they do."

Thomas shook his head. "I don't think so. Andy's found this new guy."

Colt plopped down at Thomas' desk. "I didn't realize that."

"So, Colt. If you want to fly, then you're free to fly out of our relationship. I can't hold onto you or tie you down. I realize that now. So this is the deal: first, while I love having sex with you, no more sex while you're dating Zoe. Second, I will still be your friend. We can still get together, but like I said, no sex. Well, that's as long as I can keep my hands off of you

Colt smiled. "Anything else?"

"Third, once you've decided who or what you want, we can talk and move on from there. What do you think?"

"I don't like it, but it's a fair compromise. How long is this trial separation going to last?"

"That's up to you, Colt. You'll know when you're ready. And at least we'll still be talking rather than having one of those breakups where two people hate each other and never talk to each other again and give each other dirty looks every time they pass by in the hall. This way, if anybody asks what's going on, we can just tell them we're having a trial separation. That should get a laugh out of them, but also help them understand what's going on."

"But, Thomas, I love you."

"I love you too. But if it's right, you'll be back. Otherwise, you'll move on, and I'm willing to accept that. Just be careful. I'd hate to see you get hurt."

Colt got up and began to pace. "I don't like this. I need time to think."

Thomas got up from the bed and walked over to Colt. "Think about it over the weekend. Let me know Monday at school, call me Sunday evening, or come by."

Colt hugged Thomas. "I love you. I really do."

"I love you too, and that's why I'm letting you go and fly like you said."

Tears formed in Colt's eyes. "I don't know what to do," he said with a crack in his voice.

"I think you should fly," Thomas said. "Then you'll know. But I'm here for you either way. I think you'd better go for now. Call me, or come by tomorrow."

They broke from their hug. Colt wiped the tears from his cheeks. "I guess you really do love me. I know I love you. Thanks, Thomas."

He wiped another tear, walked to the door, unlocked it, and left.

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Chapter Quotes

The following quote is so appropriate to this chapter that I had to repeat it again. I suppose it was in the back of my mind as I wrote it.

If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be. -- Unknown

He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying. -- Friedrich Nietzsche

We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another. -- Luciano De Crescenzo

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If you like this story, please write a review, click like, and follow me. Contact me at eliassctt@gmail.com I answer all emails.

I'd like to thank Lisa for taking the time to edit Knots 1, 2, 3, 4, & 5. As the author, I take final responsibility for all parts of the story, including any errors.

This story is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author's imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons living or dead, events or locales, is purely coincidental and no slanderous intent is implied.