Knots II Chapter 26
Chapter 26
Andy
The phone rang a little after I got home. My mom answered. "Randy, he's grounded and it's late. He can't talk right now."
"I'm sorry about calling so late, but I need to talk to him just for a minute."
"Okay. Just for a minute." She handed me the phone.
"Randy, what's up?"
"The guy I'm with is hot for your body and wants a threesome. I told him you were the most likely one of the four of us to like the idea."
"I'd like to, but I can't."
My mom looked over at me and whispered, "Hurry up."
"Can't do it tomorrow because my parents will be gone in the afternoon and I'm grounded. I can't go anywhere or have anyone over."
Randy laughed. "I'll call you tomorrow."
I rolled my eyes at my mother. "Okay. Sorry I'm grounded, but that's the way it is around here,"
*****
"Mom, I'm calling Matt. Is that okay?"
She nodded her consent.
I dialed Matt's number and he answered on third ring..
I gave my mother a smile. "One, two, three, four what are jackasses for?"
Matt groaned. "What the hell you talking about, Andy? And why are you calling so late?"
"Randy just called. Said he'd made a new friend and wanted me to meet him."
"We're grounded."
"I know, but sometimes opportunities arise."
My mom tightened her eyes and asked, "What are you up to?"
"Nothing, Mom. Just making small talk with Matt. There isn't much else to do." I paused. "By the way, nice game. Randy thought so too. Told me to pass it onto you. His friend told him he thought you might beat out Frank Kutcher."
Matt was having trouble with my code but managed enough to guess what was up. "Are you saying what I think you're saying? It sounds like Randy called and wanted us to join him with one of the guys he's been hanging around with. If that's the case, forget it. I'm grounded and I'm not leaving this house or doing anything until I'm ungrounded. Oh, and by the way, my mom and dad are giving me a big smile and a thumbs up."
I smiled at my mother. "Well, I'm just giving you a heads up. I'm grounded to and there's no way I'd break my curfew or do anything to get in trouble."
Matt's voice got serious. "You can do whatever you think best. But don't forget, there are always consequences, and of course, knots. There are always knots."
"Okay philosopher. I'll keep that in mind. Talk to you tomorrow or Sunday."
Matt
Andy called, and from what I could tell, Randy wanted Andy to join him and one of his fellow whores in a threesome. At first I thought I was invited, but Andy just wanted to give me a heads up. I wanted to tell him to go fuck himself, and if he did anything, he could forget our friendship. But hell, I didn't own him. I just expected better of him. My hope was he'd be as good as he'd been before and include me when he had sex with other guys. It sounds stupid as I write it here, but that was our agreement. I'm now wondering why it should make any difference. We were all fucking around with each other. But at the time it meant something.
We were both grounded, that should have made it even harder for him. But as you've already figured out from reading our journal, Andy is resourceful.
I finally got around to calling a sophomore class meeting for Monday. I've been so involved with football and sex, I almost forgot I was sophomore class president. Quite a few sophomores seemed to have forgotten too. But you know Emily. She was on my case; that got Gina on my case, and I finally did something.
Gina was kind of friendly all week. She walked with me between classes. Sometimes we held hands. I didn't particularly love holding hands in public, but Gina liked it. If we didn't have the same class together, she'd give me a quick peck on the cheek as she headed off to her other class. Sometimes a hall monitor'd yell, "No PDA in the halls." And of course, every time we were together and she'd touch me or kisses me or hold my hand, I'd think of our foursome. It bothered me because I liked it when she touched or kissed me and wished the other thoughts of the foursome weren't there.
I wasn't sleepy after talking to Andy because he had my stomach all tied in a knot. Oscar Wilde's book lay face up on my desk. I figured I just as well start reading it. The cover caught my eye again. The profile of a handsome slim young man was still there as well as the horrid picture behind him. At school it appeared that it was just the picture of an old man, but it was more than that. It was a picture of a tortured scary old man. I grabbed the book, jumped into bed, and read two chapters before closing the book, glancing at the cover again, and rolling over to go to sleep.
Sleep didn't come, so I read a little more. Soon, I'd read five chapters and I found myself thinking of Andy as Dorian Gray.
Basil Hallward, the man who painted the picture of Dorian Gray seemed gay to me. He loves Dorian and worries that his friend, Lord Henry, who is a few years older, will ruin eighteen year old Dorian's life if given a chance to meet him. Sex isn't mentioned, but that's the impression I got. Well, as life would have it, Lord Henry enters Dorian's life and tells him how little time he has to be young and handsome. Dorian is living a balanced life and it's his balanced life Basil worries Lord Henry will corrupt. Lord Henry's tells Dorian, "Time is jealous of you...Don't squander the gold of your days."
I marked the key ideas as I read.
Lord Henry tells a friend, "Talking to him was like playing upon an exquisite violin. He answered to every touch and thrill of the bow...There was something terribly enthralling in the exercise of influence."
I went back to the book. Dorian is examining Basil's completed picture and wonders why he can't keep his youth while the painting grows old. Lord Henry tells Dorian, "You have only a few years in which to live really, perfectly, and fully. When your youth goes, your beauty will go with it, and then you will suddenly discover that there are no triumphs left for you...Live! Live the wonderful life that is in you! Let nothing be lost upon you. Be always searching for new sensations. Be afraid of nothing...A new Hedonism, that's what our century wants."
There was that word hedonism right in the book. The word made me shiver.
Wilde's story brought me into the lives of these three men. I couldn't stop. Suddenly, I was Dorian Gray. I was fifteen and having awesome sex. I'd given up some of who I was. I'd lied. Did I really give myself to Andy to save his life or did I just do it because you're only young once and I wanted it. The story made me think. There was still much to read and the picture of the old man on the cover continued to haunt me.
I set the book down and the picture of our four beautiful young bodies fucking on the Gibson's bed flashed in my mind. It was then, for the first time, my mind focused on my youthful reflection in the Gibson's mirror. It made me hunger for my youth, Andy's cock and balls, and Randy's latest whore. My cock got hard and I beat off. I thought of Thomas and pictured him as the innocent Dorian Gray who needed to be corrupted.
Andy
My parents headed out around 1:00 PM with the warning from my dad and a look from my mother. "No one is to come over, and you're to stay home. Understand?"
I nodded and gave her a questioning look. "What happens if I do?"
My dad answered. "Try us and find out."
Randy called almost as soon as they'd driven out of the driveway. "Are they gone?"
"Yeah."
"So are you interested? This guy's hotter than Dillon. He wants both of us. And so do I. How `bout it?"
I hesitated. "I shouldn't. I owe it to Matt."
"Fuck Matt." I heard him laugh. "Well, I'd like to do that again, but for now this guy's hot for the two of us. Andy, you're only young once. Enjoy it while you can. You'll be thirty in a few years, and that's old."
I thought of Dorian Gray. "Maybe I'll stay young forever."
Randy let out another laugh. "That only happens in movies. Anyway, back to the point. He's gotten us a motel room and we'll be done in an hour. You'll get your rocks off and be home in plenty of time to beat your parents home."
"Uh. Uh. I shouldn't."
"Okay then, guess you're out of luck. I'll be thinking of you while he has his mouth on my cock and his cock in my ass." He hung up.
Shit, I wanted to go badly. God only knows how many times I said, "You're only young once" to Matt. Looking back now, I don't understand why I couldn't be satisfied with what I had. A guy didn't have to have sex every day of his life. But I wanted it. Having sex with more than one person and now someone new became a big turn on after our foursome. But I'd bit the bullet and told Randy no. I walked back to my room to give my cock a hand job. The phone rang as soon as I hit the bed.
It was my dad. "Just checking to see if you're home."
"Yep, I'm right here. Will be here until you get home."
"Good. See you then. We know this is hard on you, Andy, but it's also good for you. Don't forget that."
"I won't."
I headed back to my room, stripped, and was working on my hard cock when the phone rang again. My first temptation was to ignore it, but I thought it might be my parents again. It was Randy. So there I sat with my hand on my cock and Randy at the other end asking me to join them again.
"We'll pick you up in fifteen."
My cock felt so warm and firm in my hand, and despite that, I managed to squeeze out a "no".
"Like I said, we'll be there in fifteen minutes." He hung up.
My mind began to rationalize. It wasn't me. It was Randy. I said no and he and his horny friend are coming anyway. What could I do?
I should have finished off my cock, but I wanted it fully charged if I joined them. It was still an IF, but they were on their way. Before I knew it, the doorbell rang. Randy's face filled the peephole. I didn't move. Randy knocked on the door while I stepped back and headed to my room. He rang the doorbell again. "I know you're in there, Andy. Come out. I need to talk to you."
What harm can it do to talk? I thought.
I headed down the hall yelling, "I'm coming. I'm coming."
He pushed past me as soon as I opened the door. "It's about time. Kyle's out in the car. Grab your coat and just come out and meet him."
I paused as if I was thinking. "I guess it can't do any harm to meet him."
Kyle was sitting in the car with his hands on the steering wheel. He smiled as I followed Randy out. His window came down, and stuck his hand out. "Hi, Andy, I'm Kyle Jarvis. I hear you're going to join us."
"Uh. Uh. Randy got a little ahead of himself. I don't feel good about this."
He gave me a beautiful smile. "You can watch if you'd like."
"I'm grounded."
"That's what you get for fucking around with three other guys. You have nothing to lose, you're already grounded."
He had a point there.
"Come on, climb in."
Randy walked around the car, opened the passenger side door, and slid into the backseat. He left the door open. "Come on, Andy, get in. Who knows when you'll have another opportunity like this."
He scored another point.
Kyle gave me an enticing smile. "Yeah, get in. You're only young once."
I'm not sure why, but I thought of the picture on my desk of Matt and me when we were ten. He has the same one on his desk. We had our arms around each other. We were ten and innocent and now we were fifteen and I'm not sure what we were. A lot had changed in five years. "What the hell," I said as I walked in front of the car, slid into the front seat, and closed the door.
Matt
I called Andy around 2:30 or 3:00 and he didn't answer. A helpless feeling spread over me. But, for all I knew, he was asleep. Called again around 3:30 and he still didn't answer.
"Who you calling?" my dad asked.
Shit, I thought. I'm going to blow Andy's cover, but at that point I wasn't sure I gave a damn. "I'm calling Andy, but he's not answering."
"Still no answer?" he asked after my third call.
"No. Maybe he snuck out. His parents aren't home." I felt like a shit as soon as I said it.
I phoned Thomas.
"What's up man?"
"Not much."
"Same here. Have you seen or heard from Randy?"
"As far as I know, he's out with Kylr, his new buddy."
"I've been watching you play, Thomas, and you're looking pretty good out there." Here I was flattering him like Lord Henry did to Dorian. I'm only realizing it now as I write this.
"Thanks, Matt. That means a lot coming from you. You're not looking too bad yourself. Do you think you can beat out Frank Kutcher?"
"Yeah. I'm getting more confident every week and that dumbass Kutcher is in the process of self-destructing."
Thomas laughed. "I noticed."
I lowered my voice. "How `bout joining me for lunch on Monday. We'll ditch everyone else."
"Sounds good to me. Where do you want to meet?"
"Can't hear you. Speak louder," my dad yelled from the living room.
I raised my voice. "You tell me."
Thomas laughed. "On the north goal line of the football field. Seems like a good place to meet."
"Okay. Talk to you later."
*****
Sometimes you just have to make the best of a bad situation. I spent a little bit of the morning talking to my mom while she cooked breakfast. Did some homework, planned for the sophomore class meeting, and spent the afternoon watching football with my dad. This time we talked about the quarterbacks as he and I picked up pointers that would help me move to second string above Frank Kutcher. The idea of beating out a Junior for the job might have normally bothered me, but Kutcher loved taunting me and now that I'd spent some time with The Picture of Dorian Gray I cared even less. And the words of Lord Henry to Dorian kept ringing in my ears. "Time is jealous of you...Don't squander the gold of your days."
Ironically, I think Lord Henry meant don't squander your youth by careful living, but as I sat there on that Saturday and got my life organized, I began to realize there were other things that make up "the gold of your days."
Thoughts of Andy and Randy and whoever the other guy was kept popping into my mind now and then, but I'd turned my lemons into lemonade that day even if it was only for a little while.
After watching two games of football I went back to The Picture of Dorian Gray. I realized I wasn't like Dorian Gray. Well, at least not yet.
Basil Hallward, the painter, gave Dorian the picture in the afternoon while the three of them were planning to see Dorian's new love, Sibyl Vane, in Romeo and Juliet.. Dorian set the painting on an easel when he home and prepared to go out for the evening with Lord Henry and Basil.
Dorian brags to Basil and Lord Henry about what a fine beauty she is and how well she acts. Dorian glances at the painting as he prepares to go to the theater. Again, he wishes he could always look like the man he sees in the picture. The trio go to see Sibyl and she sucks. Even Dorian thinks she sucks (Of course, Oscar Wilde didn't use the word sucks). Lord Henry and Basil knows she sucks and leave Dorian to finish the play. The theater empties as the play moves toward its end. Dorian can't figure out what's happened to her. He goes to her dressing room after the play and insults her. Tells her how terrible she was. She tells him that acting like she loves someone on the stage is impossible now that she loves him. He ignores her comments and tells her. "I never want to see you again."
She falls at his feet and begs him to love her, but he refuses and leaves her crying. When he gets home late, he looks at the painting and discovers it's changed. Wilde writes, "In the dim arrested light that struggled through the cream-colored silk blinds, the face appeared to him to be a little changed. The expression looked different. One would have said that there was a touch of cruelty in the mouth. It was certainly strange."
A dim arrested light came into my mind. Dorian had tied a knot and it showed in the picture. The knot was a cruelty he never possessed before.
Chapter Quotes
The ultimate tragedy is not the oppression and cruelty by the bad people but the silence over that by the good people. - Martin Luther King, Jr.
All cruelty springs from weakness. - Seneca
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Probably the happiest period in life most frequently is in middle age, when the eager passions of youth are cooled, and the infirmities of age not yet begun... - Eleanor Roosevelt