This is the second of five planned chapters of a fictional story about Kurt, a young national park worker in Maine who falls for Rob, a co-worker, and then has to deal with his sudden disappearance. Kurt's search for Rob takes him down a convoluted path to self-discovery. Like most of my past stories, this is an in-depth romance story with a plot, a limited number of characters, and more emotions than physical sex. Sex will be a part of it, but it's more implied than explicit. I plan to post subsequent chapters often, so please check back. Your feedback as you follow the story would be greatly appreciated.
No minors were harmed in the writing of this story, but if you are one please go find something else to do. Please do not reproduce this story in any form without the permission of the author. Thanks.
Damian nvtahoeus@yahoo.com
KURT'S TOUGH CHOICE
PART 2
On Monday morning I found a note attached to my timecard when I arrived at work. It was from the new park office secretary, Marianna. It simply said, "Kurt, when you have a moment, please stop by my desk."
Curious as to what she wanted, I went straight there. As the work crews had our own employee area, where we clocked in, took lunch breaks, and changed clothes, I had had no reason to interact directly with Marianna since she was hired in the spring, before I arrived for the summer. In fact, we had not even met.
"Hi, I'm Kurt," I said, approaching her desk.
"Hi, Kurt. Marianna. Nice to meet you," she said warmly, offering her hand. Her glasses, conservative dress, and pulled-back hair partly obscured what I imagined would be a beautiful young woman – not that I was interested, of course.
"I'm afraid things were in a bit of a mess when I started here in April. Tamara left rather suddenly last fall."
Tamara was the office secretary of the previous summer. I had heard that she was terminated shortly after Labor Day when some important park documents – and even some funds – were unaccounted for at the end of the summer season.
"I was going through my desk and found something with your name on it addressed to Rob Hastings, who isn't working here this summer. I stuck it in your employee file in April, meaning to ask you about it, but then I forgot about it until last Friday. Is this something important?"
I was stunned to see the sealed envelope that apparently still contained the letter I had written to Rob after his leg injury forced him to leave the park prematurely last August. It had never been forwarded! No wonder Rob had never written back to me! I was partly angry about this development but also partly relieved. Maybe there was still a chance...
Marianna held the envelope out to me, and I took it, turning it over in my hand. Curious, she waited for me to say something.
"Rob got hurt on the job last summer and left the park suddenly. He and I were friends. I asked Tamara for his address, but she said she couldn't give it to me. She offered to forward a letter to him, but I guess she never got around to it."
"I guess not. I'm so sorry about that. I could forward it to him now, if you like, but I don't know if the address I have for him is still current."
"Thanks, but I'll take it back for now. I need to write an explanation to Rob about why this was delayed. I really appreciate you giving this back to me. I wondered all winter why he didn't answer me, and now I know."
"Well, you're welcome. Again, I'm sorry this happened, but I promise to follow through if you want to send him another one."
"I'll take you up on that," I said with a smile, stuffing the wayward envelope in my pocket. "I guess I'd better get to work now. I'll see you in a day or two. Thanks again – I really appreciate this."
"Bye," she said, smiling back. I had a feeling she knew what the score was.
For the rest of the work day, my emotions ran the gamut: anger at "that bitch" Tamara for dropping the ball, relief that the letter had been found by Marianna, gratefulness that she had been nice enough to save it for me, hopefulness that I could try again to reconnect with my friend, and anxiety that he might not respond – and even anxiety that he might.
Could we still blow some life back into what we had last year, or was it just a summer infatuation that Rob had moved on from? I certainly hadn't "moved on." Rob was the first man that I had ever had strong feelings for, and there were indications then that he had felt the same way about me. But that was 11 months ago – almost an eternity in the fickle world of unfulfilled same-sex attraction. Could the hormones that brought us close a year ago rekindle themselves now – if I could even find the guy after all this time?
I wanted to believe it was possible. Meeting Riley – Rob's lookalike – last weekend had certainly "stirred the pot" again and made me relive that moment in the alleyway when I thought that I was about to experience my first man-on-man kiss. Somehow that moment was frozen in time in my memory bank, and I now had reason to hope that maybe – with a little effort and a lot of patience – it could be "thawed out" and brought back to life.
That evening I sat down once again – like I had last August – to try to write something coherent that might possibly generate a positive response. This time I managed to do it in one draft.
"Dear Rob," I began. "I know these letters are likely to come as a bit of a surprise after all this time. I say `these' letters because there are two in this mailing – one that I wrote nearly a year ago, and the one I'm writing now. I hope they reach you.
"As the first one will tell you, I'm really glad we met last summer. I enjoyed our time together, although it was too short to suit me. I wanted us to stay friends, and that's why I wrote to you soon after you left Bar Harbor because of your injury. How is your leg now? Fully healed, I hope.
"I just found out this morning that my first letter never left here. Last year's secretary, Tamara, told me she'd forward it to you (after she said she couldn't give me your address, for some stupid reason – park regulations, I guess). Our new secretary found it and gave it back to me this morning. She promised that she'd see to it that it really would be forwarded to you this time. I may follow her to the post office just to be sure. Ha!
"What are you doing this summer? It would be great if you could come to Bar Harbor sometime for a visit. I met another guy here this summer who looks just like you – well, almost. I thought he WAS you at first and then wondered why he gave me the cold shoulder whenever we crossed paths. I finally confronted him last weekend and found out his name was Riley, not Rob. Different person, but the resemblance is uncanny. Maybe we'll become friends, too – who knows? We had a beer or two together last weekend, like you and I used to do.
"Well, I'm rambling now. I just hope you can get back to me. I've missed you around here. My address is at the bottom. Would love to hear from you. I'm almost glad things turned out this way, because all this time I've been thinking that you got my first letter but didn't reply. To be honest with you, that hurt, but now I know it was just one of those things beyond our control.
"Your friend, Kurt"
I took the two letters back to Marianna the next morning in one envelope, along with a couple of 10-cent stamps in case one wasn't enough for the extra weight. She swore she would put it in the mail, addressed to Rob at the address she had in his file from last summer, and I felt 100 percent sure that she would do as promised. She gave me a little wink, which embarrassed me greatly, but I smiled and thanked her.
Work seemed a little less onerous the rest of the week. I once again had a glimmer of hope that I would hear back from Rob, and I also had a good feeling about Riley. Using his contact card, I called Riley on Thursday after work to see if he wanted to get together on the weekend. He sounded enthusiastic about it, and he invited me to come over to his cabin for drinks and dinner on Friday night.
I still had some misgivings about being alone with this new friend – especially now that I had possibly opened up a new channel of communication with Rob – but I gladly accepted, and Riley gave me directions. As it turned out, his cabin was only a few blocks from my apartment, so I decided to leave my beater at home and just walk over. I had a feeling I might not be as sober afterward as a driver should be.
I arrived a little before the agreed-upon time of 6 p.m., so I detoured around Riley's block a bit so I wouldn't be early. No need to appear that eager, I thought. As it turned out, Riley was the eager one and enthusiastically greeted me with a firm two-handed handshake and a broad smile.
"Great to see you again, Kurt! Thanks for getting in touch. I was hoping you would," Riley said, as he opened a couple of cold beers. "Let's sit out here on the deck. It's not too hot out today."
Actually, the upper Maine coast seldom gets too uncomfortably hot, but I had worked up a bit of a sweat on the walk over. The beer hit the spot, and before long we were on our second one.
"You'll never guess what happened since I saw you last," I said, diving into a plate of snacks that Riley had just put on the table.
"What's that?"
"I think I told you that I wrote to Rob last summer after his accident and never heard back from him."
"Sure. Go on. Did you finally get a letter?"
"Well, I got a letter all right, but it was the same one I wrote to him. The park secretary we had last summer never got around to forwarding it to him. The new secretary found it buried in her desk drawer and gave it back to me."
"You're kidding, right? I'll bet you were surprised."
"Very. But I was also kind of relieved. I thought he'd just ignored my letter, but then I found out he never got it in the first place. It gave me a chance to send it to him again, along with a note of explanation."
"Are you sure it went out this time?"
"Well, not positive, but Marianna, the new secretary, seems a lot more reliable than the last one. Besides, I kinda got the feeling that she knew my motivations."
"Which were...?"
I thought I saw a flash of jealousy in Riley's eyes. Feeling myself blush, I tried to think what to say. I wasn't even sure I knew what my motivations were – much less how to describe them.
"Well, like I said last week, Rob and I were becoming pretty good friends, I thought, and I was hoping we could stay in touch."
It seemed like a noncommittal response, but Riley seemed to suspect there was more to it than that. I hoped he wouldn't push for more, but it seemed to be Riley's nature to do so, and he did.
"I think maybe you and Rob were more than just friends. Am I right?"
I had spoken to no one about the nature of my interest in Rob, but now two people in the last few days had picked up on it – first Marianna, and now Riley. Was I that transparent, I wondered? Not able to hold eye contact, I looked away to buy some time to come up with a suitable reply.
"Well, I think it might have gone in that direction if we'd had a little more time. Who knows? Maybe I'll never know."
"So you'll be watching your mailbox pretty carefully now, won't you?" Riley said, looking away now himself. Riley seemed to me like a guy who knew what he wanted and didn't waste any time finding a way to get it, but now he looked like he was in a situation he wasn't comfortable with.
"I'm getting a little hungry – how about you?" Riley said, apparently to change the subject, since he didn't seem to be getting anything much out of me. "I'll fire up the grill and get some burgers ready to fry. Help yourself to another beer."
Both of us now tried to find things to talk about other than Rob. After we'd had dinner on the deck, we carried the dishes back inside and put the leftover potato salad and condiments back in the refrigerator. As the sun had begun to set, a cool breeze had come up off the ocean, so Riley closed the windows and shades. He offered to show me the rest of the "cabin," which was really more of a house. It was clear to me that his uncle and aunt had some dough. The place was far plusher than my apartment.
We climbed the stairs to see the bedrooms. I was admiring the stunning view of dusk over Bar Harbor from his bedroom window when I sensed him standing behind me only a few inches away. Hands that were not my own were reaching around my rib cage and finding their way to the buttons on my shirt. Lips were nuzzling the back of my ears and neck. Though a little shocked (well okay, not really), I felt pleasurable sensations all the way to my toes. But then my nervousness kicked in.
"Riley, I..."
"Shhh. Don't break the spell. I know I'm not Rob, but wouldn't you be willing to settle for someone who looks just like him? Besides, I'm here and he's who-knows-where."
"I've never done this...I'm not sure I'm ready yet," I said as Riley slowly turned me around. I was surprised to see that my host's shirt had already found its way to the floor, and my own shirt was now almost completely unbuttoned. I groaned as Riley's thumbs caressed my now-hard nipples and his lips continued to roam around my forehead, my ears, and my nose, finally finding their way to my own lips. I felt Riley's tongue slipping inside my mouth, and I met it with my own tongue. I had no idea another man's kiss could be this sensuous, and despite my misgivings I found my virgin cock stirring to life. Riley's right hand had found its way inside my shorts and was testing the situation.
"Oh, I don't know, my friend – I think you might be more ready than you realize. Let's get these clothes off and see where things go."
I blinked my eyes open the following morning. Like most mornings, I was naked. But unlike most mornings, there was an arm holding my body in a spooning position. My entire backside, from neck to feet, was firmly held up against another naked body that I could feel but not see. A rigid pole of human male flesh was lodged between the globes of my ass, and my own pole felt harder than usual, especially when the hand that had been on my chest glided down my smooth tight torso and grasped the sensitive organ firmly.
I had never awakened this way before, but I quickly decided that it wasn't such a bad way to do it.
"Good morning, sexy," a voice behind me whispered in my ear.
"Umm," I purred, reaching around and pulling Riley's bare body even closer to my own. "I think there's a naked man in my bed."
"I don't think you're in your bed, handsome – you're in mine. And yes, I think we're both naked. Any objections?"
"None whatsoever," I said, disengaging myself and crawling up to lay my body on top of my bed partner. I ran my fingers through the long, dark hair and gazed dreamily into the equally dark eyes, drinking in the handsome face beneath me. There had been many nights in the past year that I had dreamed of lying like this with Rob, and this was almost my dream come true, except for one rather significant thing – this wasn't Rob.
"I think your virgin days are over now, sweetie," Riley said with a smile.
"That's quite all right with me. I believe after last night that I've put those behind me, with a little help from you."
"Good. No regrets, I hope."
"Nope."
"Is that the best you can do?" Riley said with a mock pout.
"Actions speak louder than words," I replied, sliding down far enough to mimic what he had done to me so expertly the night before. "Does that tell you anything?" I said, stopping long enough to take a breath and then resuming what I was doing, as Riley squirmed in pleasure.
"Yes, but you'd better let me up for a minute. Nature is calling, big time."
Reluctantly, I let my new lover out of bed to head for the bathroom. I marveled at the beauty of Riley's completely nude body as he glided across the room. It was every bit as appealing as I had expected it to be. I hadn't really expected to see it at all until Riley surprised me by stripping completely in front of me last night, and then relieving me of my own clothing before dropping to his knees.
What had happened next took my breath away. I had no idea how much pleasure I'd been missing out on – even if in my mind I had wanted my first time to be with Rob. But Rob was noticeably missing from the mix at that moment, and the talented mouth of Riley Sullivan quickly made me not really care who was bringing me such ecstasy.
Returning to bed, Riley allowed me to make the same quick trip, watching me as intently as he himself had just been watched. Our physical differences seemed to cause both of us to be entranced with the other's body.
Breakfast was delayed that Saturday morning until more primal urges could be satisfied once again. I had never taken an intimate shower with another man before, but that came next and I found it almost as intoxicating as what had transpired in Riley's bed moments before. The soapy hands, the warm water, the nearness of Riley's perfect body – I loved it all.
We spent the rest of the day together, but Riley had previously made plans for that night with his friends. I reluctantly returned to my own apartment, where I was teased mercilessly by my roommates for not coming home the night before for the first time ever. I just quietly smiled. They would have to use their imaginations.
Sometimes the highest highs are followed by the lowest lows, and my mental well-being followed that path quickly as the following work week unfolded. "What have I done?" I kept asking myself. As much as I had enjoyed my first foray into gay sex – or any sex, for that matter – I felt guilty of betrayal. Then a minute later I would ask myself, "How can you betray someone you haven't seen or even heard from in almost a year?" It didn't make logical sense, but sometimes the mind doesn't follow a logical path, especially where affairs of the heart are concerned.
I had given Riley my phone number after our night of passion with each other, and he was using it almost every evening to pressure me into "coming over for a while." Knowing full well what that implied, I begged off, claiming – with honesty – that I was too tired from working all day. But I also just felt that I needed some time to process what had happened in Riley's bedroom.
Riley was probably dismayed at my apparent lack of interest in a second night together, but he perked up a bit when I agreed to come over "for a drink" after work on Friday night. By then, my feelings of guilt had abated somewhat and I went, assuming – correctly as it turned out – that I wouldn't be sleeping in my own bed again that night.
It wasn't that I didn't like Riley. I liked him a lot, and his attentions toward me were thrilling. But I hadn't felt the same emotional thrill with him the previous weekend that I had felt in that alleyway with Rob a year earlier – even though we didn't really do anything much more than hug before we were chased off.
I kept playing that tape over and over in my mind – much as I had done during the intervening school year. The thrill of being hugged and then touched on the face by Rob that night frankly was more on my mind than what had happened in Riley's cabin just a week ago. The physical sensations from sex with Riley had certainly been very satisfying, but my heart had not followed. I wondered if it ever would.
"Hello, handsome!" Riley said, like an eager puppy, when I appeared on his doorstep on Friday night. The man certainly didn't lack for enthusiasm – or self-confidence. I allowed myself to be enveloped in Riley's hug, and I hugged back. It looked like Riley was ready to go upstairs right away, but I wanted – and needed – that promised drink first.
We made small talk about our week while sitting next to each other on the living room couch. Riley made frequent contact with his hands, although he restrained himself a bit when he saw that I wasn't reciprocating.
He had pre-ordered a pizza and was keeping it warm up in the oven while we enjoyed our first drinks.
"Something smells good. Are we having pizza?" I inquired.
"Any time you're ready. I'll get us another beer and we can get started."
"On the pizza, you mean?" I said with a shy smile, feeling the relaxing effects already from my first beer.
"Sure, but I'm saving you for dessert."
I blushed but had to admit to myself that Riley looked awfully good to me that night. I was already imagining him without clothes, but I wondered to myself if I still had Rob's body in mind. I had never seen Rob naked, but I pretty much knew he would look just as appealing that way as Riley had last weekend.
After the pizza was gone, Riley was impatient to move on to the next order of business. That was apparent to me from the increasing amount of touching that I felt on my bare thigh – and even underneath my shorts. Riley's magic fingers were definitely turning me on.
Still sensing some reticence on my part, Riley decided to tread more carefully than I think he was used to having to do in situations like this.
"So, my friend, did you have fun here last weekend with me?"
"Yes, it was nice."
"Just `nice'? I thought you acted like you really got off on it – literally. Was your first time all that you'd hoped it would be?"
"I guess I really didn't have too many clear expectations, but I didn't have any trouble responding, did I?"
"No, you didn't. I thought you `rose to the occasion' just fine," Riley said with a wicked smile.
"Riley, can I ask you a question?"
"Sure. Fire away."
"Have you been out a long time?"
"Just for a couple of years, I guess. My first time was with my college roommate when I was a freshman. He was two years older and didn't waste much time seducing me."
"Did you have...feelings for him?"
"Not particularly. It was just sex, but it went on for the whole school year. After that I pledged a frat and moved out of the dorm. I haven't seen him since."
"But you've been with other guys, I assume."
"A few, yes."
"Any real boyfriends?"
"Just one, but it didn't work out."
"Did you love him?"
"What are you getting at, Kurt?"
"I'm just a little skittish about...being with you, frankly. I want to, but I'm not anywhere close to wanting a real boyfriend yet – you know, the kind where you make a commitment or anything."
"Have I asked you for one?"
"No, but I just wanted to be honest with you."
Riley took his hand off of my leg and put his head back on the couch. I couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"Did I ruin the mood?"
"Look, Kurt," Riley said, turning back and laying his hand on my thigh, "I like you a lot, but I'm not going to pressure you for anything more than I sense that you're ready for. You know, I'm sure, that I tend to be a little impulsive, but I'm not insensitive. We can take this as slowly as you want, but you just have to know that I really like you, I'm really attracted to you, and I've had a hard-on for the past 30 minutes that won't quit."
Riley took my hand and laid it directly on the evidence. With his other hand he found, not to his surprise, that there was more than one erection in the room.
"What do you say? Can we go upstairs now and take care of these? You set the pace. It's important to me that you're comfortable with this. I mean that."
"Okay...can I have a little kiss first?" I replied, with a coy smile.
"You can have kisses all night long," Riley said, meeting me halfway. Despite my misgivings, my heart was pounding with anticipation as I felt the buttons on my shirt being opened and Riley's lips on my own once again.
(To be continued soon)
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Damian nvtahoeus@yahoo.com