This is a fictional story about Kurt, a young national park worker in Maine who falls for Rob, a co-worker, and then has to deal with his sudden disappearance. Kurt's search for Rob takes him down a convoluted path to self-discovery. Like most of my past stories, this is an in-depth romance story with a plot, a limited number of characters, and more emotions than physical sex. Sex will be a part of it, but it's more implied than explicit. I plan to post subsequent chapters often, so please check back. Your feedback as you follow the story would be greatly appreciated.
No minors were harmed in the writing of this story, but if you are one please go find something else to do. Please do not reproduce this story in any form without the permission of the author. Thanks.
Damian nvtahoeus@yahoo.com
KURT'S TOUGH CHOICE
PART 4
It took three more attempts, but I finally reached Rob late that Sunday evening – the same day that Riley had "pampered" me much of the afternoon.
"What were you able to find out, Kurt?" he asked eagerly.
"Well, unless there's a third guy out there somewhere who looks like you and Riley and who was born on November 14, 1954 in Plattsburgh, New York, then I think you're finally going to meet your brother next weekend."
There was a long pause and then the sound of quiet sobbing on the other end before Rob could pull himself together. I could only imagine how this news felt to him.
"I can't believe this. I can't believe this. Thank you SO much for what you've done for me. I've been dreaming of this for years now. Did you let on to Riley about this?"
"No, I never let on at all, except that I think he was wondering why I was asking him so many questions. He knows he was adopted, but he thinks he's an only child."
"But he's okay with us meeting next Saturday?"
"Well, I think he's a little jealous, but yes he invited us for drinks on Saturday afternoon."
"Why would he be jealous? Oh...my...God, you've been dating him, haven't you? I was wondering if you and he were more than just friends, but I was almost afraid to ask."
At first I kicked myself for using the "j" word. But then I realized that my connection to Riley was going to surface eventually. No time like the present, I rationalized.
"Maybe I read you wrong, Kurt, but I kinda thought you had feelings for me. I know I did for you. I guess I don't know exactly why you invited me to come and see you if you didn't."
"I do have feelings for you, Rob. I have ever since that night in the alleyway when we hugged. I thought maybe you were going to kiss me until we were interrupted by that guy."
"I was, but I guess that's in the past tense now, isn't it? Have you been having sex with my brother?"
"I can't deny it, Rob, but every time we do, all I think about is you. Even before I tracked you down, I didn't think that Riley and I had a future. He dragged me out of the closet this summer..."
"Kicking and screaming?"
"Well, not exactly, but I went along with it because I thought it was time someone did. I thought I was never going to see you again, and it was sort of a way of connecting with you since he looked just like you."
An excruciating pause ensued.
"Rob?"
"This is going to make things a little awkward next weekend, isn't it? Maybe I'd better stay in a motel."
"I wish you wouldn't. I'm counting on you staying with me. I think we have some things we need to explore, don't you? That is, unless you're seeing someone else."
Another pause. I moved the receiver to my other ear.
"You are, aren't you?"
"Well, I can't say I'm a monk, but there's no one that that I'm what you would call dating. I take advantage of my opportunities, just like any red-blooded young man. Don't you?"
"There's been no one but Riley, and – like I said – it's just sex to me."
"You don't love him?"
"I like him, but I don't think love him, and he's never said he loves me. I think of it as a summer fling. I'm holding out for a feeling like..."
"Like what?"
"Like I felt in that alleyway last summer...with you."
"I see."
"Are you angry?"
"I don't know. How can I be angry? I don't own you – I hardly know you yet. But I guess it does bother me a little to find out you've been sleeping with my brother."
"Every time I'm with him it feels like I'm betraying you, but – like you said – you and I hardly know each other. I was hoping we could change that, starting next weekend."
"Does he know you have feelings for me?"
"I think so, but we haven't talked much about that."
"Don't you think it's time you did?"
"I think it's time for you and Riley to get to know each other. He's a wonderful guy, and so are you. You two have a lot to catch up on."
"I suppose we do, but there are three of us in this picture. How are we going to sort all this out in just one weekend?"
"We probably won't. It may take more than one. But I'm the expendable one. You two should focus on your newfound brother-hood and not worry about me until..."
"Until when?"
"Until some decisions have to be made."
"Yes, I guess that's true."
"So are you still coming here?"
"Yes. That's the only way I'm going to meet my brother."
"And will you stay with me, like we planned?"
"I have to think about that. This is complicated."
"No shit..."
Despite himself, Rob started laughing at that, prompting me to join in. At least for the moment, the tension was broken. But we both knew it wasn't the final word in this unplanned conundrum.
After an interminable week at work, I finally got through Friday and was able to come home and prepare the apartment for my expected guest and lay in some groceries. I did talk again during the week with Rob, who agreed to stay with me during his weekend visit, which prompted yet another complication in my already complicated life – what to say to my roommates Jim and Ray about it, if anything. I wasn't out to them.
Three days before Rob's arrival I found it in my gut to be brave and honest and sat down with Jim and Ray. I laid it all out – that I was gay and newly out to a limited number of people (two in fact, besides them now) and that I had a gay friend coming for the weekend who would be staying in the apartment with me – in my room with its double-size bed – and that we would all be sharing the same small bathroom.
Straight as arrows themselves, Jim and Rob had had little if any contact with gays before, so they didn't really know how to react. They had been my roommates for two summers now, and we worked together at the park. We were all college students during the school year. They didn't voice any complaints or concerns when they learned that their roommate was gay, but they did seem to suddenly plan a fishing trip that would take them away for the weekend.
After I crossed that uncomfortable bridge, I turned my thoughts to what I would say and do with my visitor. We would be sailing on uncharted waters, but I decided to remain optimistic and hope for the best possible outcome – which would no doubt be affected by Riley's reaction to meeting a twin he never suspected that he had, and also dealing with the indeterminate relationship between his brother and the man Riley had been intimate with several times already – me.
On Saturday I finished my cleaning and shopping chores early and was left with the problem of killing time while waiting for Rob's arrival. I took another long soaking bath to relax my nerves and then went about finding a suitable outfit for the day – a day that had the makings of being a game changer for my life, and for the lives of two others. I picked out my best shirt and pair of shorts before my bath, and then groomed myself to look and smell my best.
At 10:35 a.m. on that fateful day – July 26, 1975, almost a year to the day after I'd seen Rob Hastings last – he knocked on my door.
"Hello, Kurt," my long-awaited visitor said, somewhat formally but with a nice smile. He was dressed in a forest green Polo shirt, tan shorts, and sandals and looked fantastic.
"Hi, Rob. I'm glad you're here."
We stared openly at each other, coming to grips with how good each of us looked to the other. I knew that Rob was Riley's lookalike, but I was still unnerved by the appearance of someone who looked so remarkably like – but wasn't – the man I'd been sleeping with every weekend for the past month or so.
"Were you thinking of inviting me in?"
"You don't need an invitation. I've been waiting for this for nearly a year."
Despite the somewhat prickly phone conversation we had had the previous Sunday – when Rob learned that his as-yet-unseen brother Riley and I were dating – pent-up desire to resume our friendship and the sheer excitement of this reunion caused us to fall into a warm embrace that we held for a long time before saying anything more. We finally sat down to talk.
"I thought today would never get here," Rob said, taking the cup of coffee that I offered him. "I'm a bundle of nerves."
"I am, too," I admitted, "and I'm not the one meeting my twin brother for the first time. You must be beyond excited about that."
"I am. More than you can imagine, but frankly I've been nervous about seeing you again, too. Is Riley still expecting us this afternoon?"
"Yes, for sure. I kind of feel sorry for him in a way though."
"How so?" Rob said with a puzzled look.
"Riley's the only one who doesn't know about this brother thing. It's going to be a really big shock for him, don't you think?"
"I imagine it will be, but I wanted to be the one to tell him. I hope he reacts positively – I'll be crushed if he doesn't."
"Maybe I shouldn't come along – just let you and Riley have that moment to yourselves."
"No, I want you there for moral support. I'm already a basket case. You're the whole reason this meeting is even happening in the first place, so I think you should be there."
"Well, all right. I do want to see his reaction, but I'm perfectly okay with excusing myself at that point and letting you two start to get acquainted."
"Let's play it by ear and just do what seems natural at the time."
We continued to talk for a while – not so much about Riley but about all that had happened in our lives since we had seen each other last. It was a little awkward getting started, but soon we were chatting away and laughing like old friends. Aside from our initial hug, however, neither of us wanted to show or talk about our feelings for the other – largely because it was much too soon to do so. We had some work to do to get comfortable with each other on that kind of level, and we both knew it.
Then there was the obvious – but as yet unaddressed – elephant in the room. That would be what the future held for the relationship between each of the twins and me. Nothing would likely be the same after today for any of us.
It was a perfect summer day. Rob and I went into town for lunch and a stroll around the harbor, eventually finding a bench to sit on while waiting for 4 p.m. to roll around. Ironically, it was the same bench where I had confronted Riley earlier in the summer when I still thought the man was Rob.
We checked our watches every 30 seconds, it seemed, which made the afternoon go even more slowly. At 3 p.m. Rob could sit no longer.
"Let's stroll through some stores or something. I'm too antsy to just sit here."
I was, too, so we got up and strolled some more. Finally at 3:45, I said it was time and led the way to Riley's cabin. I could see that Rob was shaking a bit, so I told him to take some deep breaths and practice looking more relaxed than he obviously was. Rob tried his best, but he still looked ten times more nervous than he had looked at my apartment door a few hours ago.
I knew that Riley was nervous, too, but for an entirely different reason. The man he had been seeing every weekend this summer (that would be me) was going to be showing up on his doorstep with someone that he knew I had feelings for. He hadn't been sure how to act around us this afternoon, he told us later. Should he try to look disinterested, polite, possessive of me, or what? He said he'd been thinking about it all week. Fortunately, he settled on polite.
Riley was sitting on his front deck overlooking the harbor as he saw us strolling toward the cabin. We waved. As we got closer and closer, his eyes got big as he began to see just how much Rob looked like him. I had told him there was a strong resemblance, but Riley had been skeptical. He could see now that I hadn't been exaggerating one bit.
As we climbed up the deck steps, Riley stood up and I introduced my visitor. Resisting a strong urge to hug the unsuspecting Riley, Rob shook his hand with a firmness that Riley seemed to find curious. We later learned that Riley had felt a strong instant connection with Rob – the man whose very existence was the whole reason why Riley and I had ever met in the first place. And yet he hadn't been able to curb his feelings of jealousy, wondering just what was going to happen to him and me now that Rob was in the picture.
"Nice to meet you, Rob. Kurt wasn't kidding when he said we looked alike. That's an understatement if I ever heard one."
"Nice to meet you, too, Riley. I agree. The resemblance can't be denied, can it? This cabin is great. Is it yours?"
"Thanks, but no. It belongs to my uncle and aunt in Vermont. They weren't using it this summer, so they offered it to me. What can I get you guys to drink? I thought we'd sit out here for a while and enjoy the nice weather."
"Good idea," we both chimed in at the same time, and beer of course was to be the drink of choice. Riley went inside to fetch three of them. I took the opportunity to ask Rob when he was going to spring the surprise.
"I can't hold off too long. But let me take the lead."
"I was going to. It's your show."
I was glad that the table we were sitting at was round so that I didn't have to make a choice of which twin to sit next to. I could sit next to both of them at once. But I was taken aback when Riley called out from the kitchen, "Kurt, can you come here for a minute?"
Rob and I traded glances, but all I could do was shrug my shoulders and do as Riley had asked.
The kitchen was out of sight from the deck, so Riley turned to me as I came into the room.
"I'm going to give you and Rob all the space you want and need this weekend, like I promised, but I need a hug while I can get one. Is that all right?"
"Sure it is," I replied, opening my arms to hold and be held for a moment. It felt good.
"I missed you last night. Friday nights have been just for us lately."
"Thanks for being understanding, Riley."
"I needed the hug, but I also needed a hand in here. I can't carry three beers and all these snacks at once. Wanna give me a hand?"
"They look great. You must've been a busy boy putting all this together for us."
"It's the least I could do. I want this to be special for all of us."
"It's going to be more special than you realize," I thought to myself.
We talked about our summer jobs and our plans for going back to college in the fall, as we enjoyed our beers and snacks. But Rob was soon impatient to get to the main event.
"Riley, Kurt tells me that you were born in Plattsburg, New York. It seems we have that in common."
"Really?"
"He also tells me we have something else in common."
"What's that?"
"That we're both adopted."
"This is getting a little eerie, Rob. What else do you suppose we have in common? Being gay comes to mind – that is, assuming you are."
"Guilty as charged. But there's more. Kurt says you're going to be 21 in November."
"Yes...not you, too?"
Rob stopped to pull out his wallet and produced his driver's license, passing it over to Riley with a hand that he hoped wasn't trembling too much.
"Take a close look at that."
Riley examined the New York license, noting the photo, and that Rob's height and weight matched his own. Then, thunderstruck, he noted the birthdate – November 14, 1954. Rob and I couldn't help but smile at each other when we saw Riley's eyes bug out.
"What are you trying to do to me, Rob – impersonate me?" Riley said in utter disbelief.
"What did your parents tell you about your adoption details?"
"Not much – just that my birth mother had to give me up because she was poor and unmarried. What did your parents tell you?"
"That I had a twin brother and that they couldn't adopt both of us. They thought that my brother was adopted by a family in Vermont. That's all I know, but there isn't much doubt, is there? You're him."
"But...why didn't my parents tell me?"
"You'll have to ask them yourself, but maybe they took you last and never knew that I existed, or what happened to me."
Riley opened his mouth about three times before anything came out. Remembering all too well that he was never at a loss for words, I looked with amusement at the man's face as he slowly came to terms with this bombshell – that he wasn't an only child after all and that the brother he never knew he had until minutes ago was now sitting next to him. Rob and I smiled at each other, waiting for Riley to say something.
"There was something about you when you came up my steps, and it was more than your looks. I felt a connection that I couldn't explain. Now I know. Hello, brother."
Both of the twins rose at the same time and fell into each other's arms for a long and heartfelt hug. Tears streaked my eyes as I watched the unlikely scenario, especially knowing I was the major player in making it happen.
After a while, Rob and Riley sat down again but moved their chairs closer together. My eyes weren't the only ones wet, I noticed. I'd never seen Riley cry before – he'd always been cool with his emotions, and always upbeat. Now he'd been reduced to a puddle of incredulity.
"I was going to look for you someday," Rob said, his voice shaking. "But I didn't know where to start. Kurt saved me the trouble. I might never have found you if he hadn't met you first."
I'll never forget the look I got from Riley at that point. It was half disbelieving, half grateful.
"How long have you known about this, Kurt?"
"Only a few days – as soon as you told me your birthdate last weekend. I already knew Rob's, and then I found out from you that yours was a match. But I didn't say anything since it was Rob's place to tell you."
Turning to Rob, he said, "Do you have other siblings? Do I?"
"Not that I know of," he replied with a grin.
"Well, you had an advantage over me – at least you knew I existed. That's more than I knew about you. Wow, I can't get over having an actual brother – and a twin to boot! It completely blows my mind."
"You gonna tell your parents sometime soon?" I asked.
"Definitely. I'll probably call them tomorrow. I usually do on Sundays."
"We should probably plan to meet each other's parents eventually," Rob said.
"You guys are way ahead of me – this is such a shock that I can't think beyond this moment."
Rob reached over and clasped his hand over Riley's.
"That's okay, Bro – all in good time."
"I like that – `Bro' – no one's ever called me that."
"For good reason, I'd say," I snickered.
"We should celebrate tonight. Do you guys have plans for dinner?" Riley said.
"Only to eat it, I guess."
"Kurt, I'm seeing a new side of you today," Riley replied with mock tartness. "You're really a little wisecracker, aren't you?"
I just smiled. The twins looked at me at the same time, and conversation suddenly quieted. It was as if we were suddenly all thinking, "Oh, yeah, we have to decide what to do about Kurt now. Where does he fit into all this?"
I saw it in their eyes. One twin was here supposedly to visit me and possibly pick up where we had left off the previous summer, and the other had been sleeping with me every Friday night for the past month. Obviously, something had to give – I couldn't have them both.
I didn't know it then, but in less than 24 hours the choice would be made.
(To be continued soon)
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Damian nvtahoeus@yahoo.com