This is the conclusion of a fictional story about Kurt, a young national park worker in Maine who falls for Rob, a co-worker, and then meets his twin brother and faces the need to make a choice. Your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks to all who have commented already.
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Damian nvtahoeus@yahoo.com
KURT'S TOUGH CHOICE
PART 5
We attracted a lot of stares in town and in the restaurant that night, as we celebrated Rob and Riley's discovery of each other as twin brothers. I felt like the middle of an Oreo cookie, being a blond between two taller and identical dark-haired lads, but actually nobody paid that much attention to me. All eyes seemed to be on the twins since they were both so drop-dead gorgeous.
One group of guys that Riley knew approached us on the street with quizzical looks.
"Riley? Which one are you?"
"Over here, guys. This is my twin brother Rob and our friend Kurt."
"We didn't know you had a twin!" one of them said, wide-eyed.
"Neither did I until a couple of hours ago. Kurt knew us both separately, and he's the one who figured it out and brought us together. We owe this guy a lot," Riley said, draping a friendly arm around my neck. I blushed but appreciated the comment.
"That's amazing," one of them said, glancing back and forth between the twins.
"Tell me about it – I'm still in shock."
None of us had much money on us, but Riley did have a credit card given to him by his uncle and aunt to cover any emergency expenses at the cabin during the summer. This wasn't exactly an "emergency," but it was an unexpected special occasion, and we spent more than three poor college students should have spent on a nice seafood dinner and drinks. Riley said he would reimburse his uncle and aunt later. Rob and I covered the tip and bought us all some ice cream on the street later.
As we walked around town afterward, I wasn't sure how the night should end. Originally, I assumed that Rob and I would go back to my apartment and start the long-awaited "picking up where we left off" a year ago. I had spent all week thinking about it.
At the same time, I was keenly aware that Riley probably didn't want to just go back to his cabin alone. He seemed to be having too much fun with us. A born extrovert, Riley wasn't keen on being alone at any time, but especially not tonight. I got to thinking that he and Rob might like some time together without me.
As for Rob, I couldn't read him like I could read Riley. He was still kind of a mystery to me. Fortunately, Riley took the lead.
"I've got a great idea, guys," Riley said, "and I'm not taking no for an answer. You can't just walk away after the kind of day we've had. I think we all need to have a sleepover at my place tonight – platonic of course."
Rob and I looked at each other for the other's approval. It would mean giving up our alone time with each other, but it just felt right to me for the three of us to stay together. Rob seemed to agree.
"Well, we don't have our jammies and toothbrushes with us," I said with a smile.
"When do you ever wear jammies?" Riley said before thinking. "Oops," he added, covering his mouth in mock embarrassment. The alcohol had loosened his tongue more than he realized. Either that or he was trying to make a point – if so, none too subtly, I thought.
"That's okay, Bro. I know about your Friday night dates with Kurt. He told me."
Relieved, Riley said, "Well then, why don't we stop by Kurt's place and pick up whatever you guys need? Then we'll go back to the cabin."
I was a little embarrassed for Riley, who was living in a well-appointed cabin overlooking the town and harbor, to see my plain apartment, but off we went. Rob and I pulled together a few things – but no pajamas, which I didn't even own – while Riley looked around at the small apartment with its three tiny bedrooms and laughable kitchenette. It was more "ette" than "kitchen."
"Where are your roommates, Kurt?"
"They went fishing this weekend after I mentioned I was having a weekend guest. I finally came out to them this week. They were cool with it, but I don't think they wanted to be around when..."
"When what?"
"When Rob and I would be sharing my room."
"That was a good decision on their part, the way you moan."
"Too much information, Riley," Rob chimed in, rolling his eyes. I just blushed.
"You guys want a nightcap?" Riley said when we got back to the cabin.
"It's been a long day for me," Rob replied. "You guys can stay up if you like, but I need to crash."
"Why don't we all crash?" Riley said, turning off the lights and leading the way upstairs. There was only one bed in the room he took us to – a room that I was by now very familiar with – but it at least had a king-size bed.
"We all gonna sleep here?" Rob asked, somewhat apprehensively, I thought.
"That's what guys do on sleepovers, isn't it?" Riley said, starting to strip. Rob and I followed suit, but we all stopped at our underwear when it became apparent that Riley intended to wear his to bed. We all brushed our teeth and emptied our very full bladders.
"If anyone wants to shower off, there it is, but I'm waiting till morning," Riley said, crawling into his usual spot on the left side of the massive bed. Rob guided me to climb in next so I'd be in the middle, and he took the right side. Riley switched off the light, and suddenly it was awkwardly quiet. None of us seemed to know what to do or say next.
"Come close, you two," I finally said, lying on my back. "I think we all need a group hug, don't you?"
The twins snuggled against me tightly, facing each other. I had my arms around both of them, and the twins reached for each other, laying their arms on my chest. Now I really felt like the middle of an Oreo, and I liked it!
Normally reticent about sharing his feelings – unlike his more outgoing brother – Rob said, "This has been the happiest day of my life, guys. Thank you so much for making me feel welcome here."
"It's not every day you get to meet your twin brother for the first time, so I'm happy, too," Riley said. "Say, you don't suppose we were really triplets, do you, Rob? Maybe little Kurt here is our other brother."
"With my looks? Hardly. Besides, I'm a month older than you guys."
"Well, you can be our honorary brother then," Rob added.
"Deal," I said. "You guys got a goodnight kiss for me?"
Both twins kissed me simultaneously on either side of my face and then leaned over me to kiss each other for the first time. As the dark-haired lads quickly drifted off to sleep on either side of me – but not too far away – I thought about the unusual day we had had together and smiled. If I had to make a choice between these two, it was going to be a tough decision. I had seen a sweet side of Riley last weekend and today that he hadn't really shown before, and Rob was still a tantalizing enigma to me. I decided to just enjoy sleeping between them for tonight and worry about that later. It would all work out somehow, I told myself before I drifted off.
When I awoke the next morning it didn't take me long to figure out that I was alone. I was facing Riley's side of the bed, but when I looked the other way, where Rob had been sleeping, it was just as vacant. I heard the shower running in the next room and knew that at least one of them was under it.
I needed to pee like a racehorse. Still in my briefs, I stumbled in that direction. I wasn't too surprised to see both twins showering together. One was lovingly washing the other one – but in their nude state I couldn't tell which was which. They didn't notice me at first, so I looked over and watched them as I took a long leak.
The shower stall was big enough for all three of us, so I whipped off my briefs and stepped in.
"Mind if I join you guys?"
"The more the merrier," Riley said. Or was it Rob? They both turned and looked at me. One scanned my body from head to toe, so I figured it must be Rob since that twin had not seen me in the nude before.
"I can't tell you guys apart when you're naked."
"The cute one is me," the one who I thought was Riley quipped. "Sorry we started without you, but you were sound asleep and I was impatient to see if my brother looked like me all over."
The other one rolled his eyes but grinned.
"Wait, don't tell me," I said. "Riley has a small tattoo on his shoulder and one on his hip." I found them and then scanned Rob's body just to see if maybe he did, too. There were no tattoos anywhere, which didn't surprise me. I didn't imagine that Rob was a tattoo sort of guy.
The twins didn't waste any time in including me in their shower. As if on cue, they both started lathering me up from different sides. I was in heaven – I'd never been washed by two guys at once. I felt myself responding but successfully avoided getting completely hard. I noticed that we were all cut – and all in the same half tumescent state. Oddly enough, this scene almost seemed to transcend sexual arousal – it was like we were all bonding with each other on a higher plain.
Once everyone was clean and rinsed, we all got out and dried each other off. We got dressed, made up the bed, and went downstairs for breakfast.
"I suppose you two want to get on with your day," Riley said as we ate, his eyes downcast. "Are you driving back to Camden today, Rob?"
"Yes. I have to work tomorrow, same as you guys."
Rob looked over at me, and we searched each other's eyes for some sign of what the other one wanted to do with his last day in Bar Harbor. He had, after all, been invited there by me to "pick up where we left off last summer," but then it had turned out to be more of a get-acquainted time for him and Riley.
Seeing no clear indication in my eyes as to my feelings – and seeing how Riley looked a bit despondent about being left alone – Rob cleared his throat to speak.
"I have a suggestion."
Riley and I looked up silently and nodded.
"How about if I spend the morning here alone with my brother – we have a lot to catch up on, obviously – and then I'll come over to Kurt's apartment for the afternoon. Kinda spread the joy around, you know?" He grinned. "How do you guys feel about that?"
"Works for me," Riley said. "I'd love that."
"Ditto for me," I added, relieved that Rob had spared me the necessity of suggesting anything different.
Before I left to go back to my apartment, Riley took an opportunity to say something to me while Rob was in the bathroom. As I was helping him bus our breakfast dishes back to the kitchen, he turned to me and pulled me into a tight hug.
"I don't know how this is going to play out between us, Kurt, but I just want you to know that I'm beyond grateful to you for bringing Rob into my life. I'm on Cloud 9 about it, and it was all your doing."
I started to speak, but he put his finger on my lips to signal that he wasn't quite through yet.
"You're the most special guy I've met in a long time," he continued. "I just want you to be happy and do whatever's right for you..."
I think he had more he wanted to say but decided against it when he heard Rob coming back down the stairs. He just hugged me again quickly and gave me a little kiss and a smile. If I had a decision to make, he wasn't making it any easier for me.
Moments later I left the two of them on the deck and began walking back to my apartment – but not without looking back and waving. For the first time since yesterday morning, I was alone with my thoughts. Joy and sadness were racing side by side in my mind, and neither seemed to be winning.
It was 1:30 when Rob knocked on my door. Jim and Ray were, thankfully, not back from their fishing trip yet, so we had the apartment to ourselves. We hugged briefly. I could tell from his red eyes that Rob had been crying. We sat down on the living room couch, only inches apart.
"How did it go this morning?"
"It was amazing, Kurt. I just can't tell you how good I feel about this. I was so afraid that Riley wouldn't want me in his life when I sprang it on him so suddenly that I was the brother he never knew he had. But he took the news well, don't you think?"
"Definitely. I've never seen him so happy. You guys are going to be good friends as well as close brothers, I think. He's going to want to see you as often as possible."
"Yes, I know, and it's mutual. We blubbered like a couple of schoolgirls just now as I was leaving his place. He's going to tell his parents about me this afternoon on the phone. I'll do the same with mine when I get home tonight."
"How do you think they'll take it?"
"They'll be very surprised but very supportive. I can't wait for them to meet Riley, and for me to meet his folks."
"It'll be great for all of you, I know," I said, laying my hand on Rob's thigh. Rob squeezed it with his hand as we put our foreheads together.
"Any ideas about how we should spend our time this afternoon?" Rob asked.
"I have one. Is there a chance I could finally collect on that kiss you almost gave me last summer?" I asked, looking soulfully into Rob's eyes. "I've been waiting a long time, you know."
Rob leaned in and let his lips graze against mine. It felt like two magnets coming together – but at the wrong ends. Maybe a year ago it might have felt right, but that was then and this was now. My heart was telling me that this just wasn't meant to be. I was still holding Rob's hand, but I had to break the kiss and look away. He spoke first.
"He's crazy about you, you know."
"Is he?"
"Head over heels. I can see it in his eyes when he looks at you."
"He's never told me."
"That may be because of me. Even though I wasn't here, I was in the way. Neither of you could say what you really felt – and I think maybe you didn't really even know what you felt for Riley. Am I wrong?"
I stood up and walked to the front window and stared out onto the narrow little street. Rob gave me a moment to think about what he'd just said.
"No...you're right, Rob. After these past two days, I know I do care for him more than I realized. And I don't want to do anything to come between you and him. That's the important relationship in this mix – you guys are brothers for life now. But after all that's happened I've come to...to love both of you and didn't know what to do about it."
Rob walked over to me and held me from behind, putting his chin on my shoulder with the side of his face pressed against mine as we both stared out the window.
"You know now, don't you?"
"I guess I do, but it's hard giving up your first love."
"But sometimes your first love isn't necessarily your best one, is it? You and I are too much alike, Kurt. We both need someone to push us a little. Riley can do that for you."
"I can see that now. He's been good for me – and good to me."
"Don't you think it's time to let him know?"
"Yes," I said, turning to face him, "but I need to know something first."
"What's that?"
"Can you and I still be friends?"
"Absolutely," Rob said, touching my face softly like he did in that alleyway a year ago. "We can be more than friends – after this weekend I think I'm going to have two brothers to love. I want both of you to come to Camden next weekend. We all belong together, and the summer's already more than half over. But you and Riley belong to each other – I can see that. I'll find someone someday. I just hope..."
"Hope what?"
"I just hope it's someone as nice as you – and as handsome."
Rob and I smiled through our tears and hugged each other tightly.
"I'm going to go now," Rob said after a while and started collecting his belongings. "But I think someone's waiting for you back at the cabin."
"Not for long, Rob. Not for long."
Rob hadn't been gone for more than five minutes before I was out the door and on my way back to the cabin. Riley was on the deck, but he didn't see me coming. He was staring out into the harbor, probably feeling like one of those buoys he saw bobbing out there all alone. Then he spotted me. He was honestly surprised and looked at me with questioning eyes.
"Where's Rob?"
"He's on his way home."
"So soon? Does he know you're here?"
"It was his idea."
"Was it?"
"You have a pretty smart brother. He knew where I should be. And if you'll have me, this is where I want to be."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Very sure."
He stood up and held out his arms, and I fell into his embrace – the same embrace that I've enjoyed with him many times a day now for the past 38 years.
"I love you, Riley," I told him then – and every day since.
"I love you, too, Kurt. So much."
2013 EPILOGUE
When Jim and Ray returned from their fishing trip that Sunday night so long ago, they found a note on the table from me and a check for my share of the next month's rent. With Riley's help I had vacated the place that very afternoon and moved into the cabin with him for the rest of the summer, before we had to go back to college. I learned a lot about myself and about life in that month – not the least of which was how to give a good massage.
We got together with Rob twice more that summer, before we all returned to college. We never did bring up my "choice," but it was clear that all three of us were comfortable with it.
The next few months were difficult because I was back in Durham, New Hampshire, while Riley was in Burlington, Vermont, a four-hour drive apart. I persuaded my Boston-based parents to let me transfer to the University of Vermont for spring semester so Riley and I could be together. That was easier said than done back in those days, but I had the advantage of having some pretty liberal and open-minded parents who put my happiness first.
Rob and Riley shared the news of their newly discovered brother-hood to their parents, who were extremely happy for them. The six of them soon met in Montpelier to get acquainted, a gathering that was repeated often over the years until the parents had all passed. It wasn't long before I was invited, too, after the twins came out to them and my relationship with Riley was known.
After we had all finished college, the twins decided to try to track down their birth mother – she was living quietly in a small mobile home only 30 miles from Rob's hometown in New York. It took a lot of time and effort, but they finally succeeded, and she was thrilled to see how they had turned out. In a very emotional reunion, they learned the story from her of their unintended conception and birth, but she would say little of the man whose seed had given them life, except to say that he left before he even knew she was pregnant.
As for me, I have always loved them both and always will. Riley inherited the Bar Harbor cabin from his aunt and uncle when they passed, and we've spent nearly every summer vacation up there since. Rob and his longtime partner Zane often join us there. Rob and Zane stood up for us when Riley and I married when it became legal in New Hampshire in 2010, and we did the same when they married in New York a year later.
No one could be more blessed than I to have had these two wonderful men in my life – one as a husband and one as a "brother." But what has always meant just as much to me is that, on that fateful summer day in 1975, they found each other.
THE END
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Damian nvtahoeus@yahoo.com