Hello all :)
Yes it's yet another attempt to write a story. And yes, again it's a reader who is finally trying out what it feels like to write a story. I'll let you know as soon as I've figured that out myself :) I'm not American, so if you don't understand my use of language, blame it on that then ;-p Anything else I have to say on top here? This will be a story about Nsync (no BSB in the near future ;-p) though mostly about Chris. For now at least. I just did this one chapter. I have no idea where this will lead or that it actually will lead to anything. But I can already tell you sex won't be imminent any time soon, if there will be any of that. Yes, not original I know, but that's how I work.
You, the reader, will decide that if this will actually lead to more chapters or not, not me. I myself don't know how good or how bad this is (I hope it's the first one, but hey, you might all hate it). You are the only one who can decide if you like it or not. Besides that, it's not a story about the most loved member of Nsync either. So I'm taking a double chance here. Don't let me down people :) You can email me at flower_writing@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: I never understood why these things should be up here, but since all stories have one, I'll try to come up with something decent too :) nobody sue me if this thing isn't correct or anything ;p I don't know Nsync or anybody even closely related to them. In fact, I'm not even American, so the chance of me knowing them are really slim to start with. Everything in here comes from the dark place some people refer to as a mind, so nothing actually happened. There, that should cover all law suits :) On to the story. Enjoy!
Somehow Chris just knew he was in trouble. His boyfriend wasn't exactly looking happy. And deep down he knew that he was the reason for the other persons feeling. He hadn't exactly treated him right the last few weeks. Tensions kept creeping in their relationship, no matter what happened. They never were just happy with each other. Chris knew him from way back, long before he himself knew he was bisexual. They practically grew up together. But nothing was going on at that moment in time. Both enjoyed being friends, neither of them willing to admit that there could be more if they both wanted it to happen. Eventually Chris' job tore them apart. They tried to keep in touch, but it wasn't meant to be. Until last year.
They saw each other again at a reunion of their high school. Both realized that there still were feelings left to explore, things to discover about each other. And so they started dating. Not that Chris took the initiative. As energetic and outspoken as he may seem in public, in private Chris was very careful not to display his feelings too much. He had trouble really trusting people. In fact there were only a few people he trusted. The guys in Nsync, because otherwise it would be impossible to work with them. Besides the group he only really trusted his parents and siblings. In his distant past he trusted management too, but ever since the lawsuit he just lost faith in managers. All they seemed to want is money and they didn't care how they would get their hands on it. Chris hated people who only desired money in their life. He was way too sensitive to just settle for material stuff. He pitied the people who thought only money could make them happy.
And of course he trusted his love. He used to think of him as his true love, but for some reason he didn't think that anymore these days. Of course he still loved him, but he was having serious doubts if this love was his true one. He was thinking just that when his lover suddenly turned around.
"What the hell were you thinking in that restaurant? Do I really mean nothing more than a boytoy for you? I mean, we're in fucking Paris and you still treat me like the next guy on the block!" Chris was dumbfounded. He knew something was up, but he had no idea John fell this strongly about what happened. "But honey..."
"Don't you honey me mister! I've had enough of your ridiculous behavior! Either you get your act together and pay only attention to me, or this is the last night we spend in one bed! In fact, it might be better if you took the couch this night. I don't want to be near you at this moment!" :But, but, what did I..... "Shut up Chris! If you haven't figured out by now what royally pissed me off, then you and I have even less in common than I've seen these past few days here!"
Chris chose not to respond. Later that evening, while trying to get to sleep on the couch, he wondered what it was this time that set his boyfriend off. His jealousy was getting beyond control. Chris never realized how possessive John could be sometimes, or rather all the time. The guys had pointed that out to him on a number of occasions. But shouldn't you trust the one you love? When you have so much trouble trusting people, at least the man you love should have your total trust. Chris felt so good trusting John completely. Now he was wondering if he did the right thing trusting John as fully as he had done. John took nothing but advantage of his trust. Slowly but surely he managed to control Chris' life completely. And Chris let it happen. And here he was, lying on the couch again. And yet because his boyfriend was overly jealous. Or maybe he himself had been flirting with another guy in the restaurant.
Suddenly Chris wasn't so sure anymore if his boyfriend really had the wrong idea. Had he been flirting with that guy in the restaurant, or with the steward on the plane? Now that he thought of it, Chris had been paying more than usual attention to other men. Could this be a sign his love was weakening? Could it really be true that his love was faltering? The flirting thing wasn't the only signal for that. In fact, they (or rather John) decided that a few days in Paris would probably be the best thing to work out whatever was going on in their relationship. John thought it had to do with the other guys of Nsync being around all the time, but since they arrived in Paris, things only got worse instead of better. Maybe they really weren't meant to be....
No! That couldn't be true. He loved John, no matter what. It had been bad enough the guys didn't trust John, he couldn't do the same now. He had to hold his ground. He had to believe their love was strong enough to get them through this extremely difficult period. Flirting didn't mean you didn't love your man anymore, he was sure of that. Tomorrow would definitely bring clarification on what was happening between the two. John would finally talk to him, so they could figure out what to do. At least, that's what Chris was hoping for. John usually ignored serious stuff in the relationship. He just thought all would go away if you stopped talking about it... "Argh! This line of thinking won't get me anywhere" Chris thought. "Let's just try to sleep for the moment. Tomorrow will reveal what will happen."
The next morning didn't bring the clarification Chris was hoping for. Instead of talking about it, John chose to completely ignore the subject. Finally Chris couldn't take it anymore. "Are you going to talk about what happened last night or not? Or talk about other things that happened here in Paris? You thought a few days away from the guys would help us get through whatever is going on between us. Personally I don't see that happening. Can you please tell me what you feel?" John stared at his lover long and hard. "Ok, I'll tell you what the deal is Chris. I've had it with your attitude. You think you're god's gift to mankind or something. You're nothing special Chris. I'm only dating you to see something of the world. The thought of you and I spending the rest of our lives together sickens me to the core. Like I would ever choose to stay with such a whiny person. Here you go again talking about last night, while I specifically said I would choose the time and place to talk about that! I honestly don't know what I saw in you, but I surely know it's just about gone!" "You can't be serious John. I mean after all we've been through? You think I'm somebody you can use to see the world?" Chris started to get teary eyed. "Well, isn't that exactly what I've accomplished Chris? I mean I've seen about all of the world travelling with you. Sure I had to perform some sexual services, but that was cheap for what I got in return." John smiled triumphantly. "So yes, I've used you. I can't believe you were so gullible Chris. You should have listened to your band mates. Why do you think I tried to keep you away from them as much as possible? They were on to me when I wasn't finished yet. Now I've achieved everything I wanted. I was trying to get rid if you sooner, but you were so stubborn in believing I was your true love. Man, how could you ever be so stupid?"
Chris blocked out the rest John said. It had all been a lie. Nothing John had done with him was done out of love, but merely out of greed. Why on earth hadn't he listened to the guys? Why did he choose John to trust? His first real love, and this is what happened. "How could I have trusted such a creature? What was I thinking?" "Pay attention, Chris. I'm not done yet!" John chose this particular moment in Chris' thoughts to continue his onslaught on Chris' feelings. "For the record, your sexual performance leaves to be desired too. I can think of a number of persons who were better in bed than you." "I thought I was your first love?" "Oh come on! You didn't seriously believe that, did you? You must be even more stupid than I imagined. Did you honestly believe all that I'm saving myself junk? Just because you're hopelessly romantic, doesn't mean I should be the same, does it?"
Chris just wanted to get away. All he believed in was being destroyed within minutes. How could he have been so stupid as to trust him? How could he believe everything John told him? How could he have been deceived so thoroughly? Chris was feeling a number of emotions. He felt betrayed, stupid, ashamed, humiliated and dirty to the core. He needed to talk to somebody, anybody. He ran into the bathroom and locked himself up. He tried to call Lance, the one that surely would be able to help him. After all, he and Lance got along real well when it came to relationships. Lance was the only other gay member in Nsync. Besides that, only Lance felt the same way about relationships and commitment. Only he could really understand what Chris was feeling right now...
Outside the bathroom John was still laughing at Chris. Laughing and packing his stuff that is. "Chris, I'm going to leave now. I've taken the liberty to book a flight back home to the States. Don't try to look for me or you'll regret it. You're extremely lucky I'm not going to the press and talk about your sexual preferences. But even I have some kind of feeling left for you. Well, for the time being at least....Take care Chris, and don't ever try to even the score with me, cause you're absolutely no match for me. Not even if you bring all the guys along with you. Trust me on that. I have enough information to sink the little boat you call Nsync. So don't try to piss me off."
John chuckled to himself. He finally got rid of that cry baby and could now move on with his life. Of course he had no real information on Nsync, but there was no need to inform Chris of that, was there? He could always use Chris to get some more money... Not that he really needed the money. John was richer than Chris had ever realized. He didn't need the money. He just chose to abuse Chris for the fun of it. John had enjoyed every minute of destroying Chris with every passing day. But he was done now. Chris was emotionally destroyed. The game had been played. Time to find the next victim...
And so John left Chris' life. But Chris didn't know all this. He was in tears in the bathroom, frantically trying to call Lance. "Please Lance, please pick up the phone and talk to me. If there was ever a time I needed you, it would be now." "This is Lance, who is it? And why are you calling so early?" Chris couldn't talk through all his tears. Instead Lance only heard sobbing at the other end of the phone. He was alarmed at the sound and tried to wake up a little more. "Who is this? What's happening?" "Lance it's Chris" "Oh my god Chris, what is going on?" Lance pushed away his boyfriend to listen closer to what Chris was saying. "J, J, J, John has left me" Chris sobbed. "Oh my god, what did the bastard do?" "I can't talk about it now, can you come and get me Lance? I really need to talk to you in person." "Ok, but I won't be able to get there in two days at least. Is John still with you?" "No, he left, but he threatened not to follow him or he would talk to the press." "Ok Chris, I'll try to get there as soon as possible, but it won't be until after tomorrow I think. Are you going to be ok until then?" "I'll try to be Lance. I'll go out and see some sights. It's not like John took me out to see the sights before, so I might as well do some now. But I'm so hurt right now, I don't think I'll be able to go out much though." "Please try to go out as much as possible Chris. That will take your mind of whatever happened between you and John. I still don't have a clue what happened between you two, but it's better that you tell me the whole story in person instead of a bit over the phone and a bit when I get there. Try to hang in there buddy, and call me if you feel the need to. I'll be there as soon as I can." "Ok Lance, but please, for my sake, try to be here soon k?" "I'll try Chris, I'll try." With that Lance hung up the phone. "Damn that bastard hurt Chris bad. I wish we wouldn't have been right about John. We all saw how he took advantage of Chris..." Lance started to make some phone calls to be in Paris as soon as possible.
Meanwhile Chris was still sobbing in the bathroom. "How could this happen to me? How could I have been so stupid? What was I thinking?" Chris slowly got up and turned on the shower. He set the water hot to try and wash away his feelings - to no avail. When he left the shower Chris had stopped crying, but that was all the improvement there was in his situation. He saw that John hadn't touched his breakfast. "He must have been waiting for me to show up and destroy me completely" Chris thought. Disgusted he flung his plate through the room. "Damn you! What did I do to deserve you! Am I really that bad a person? Did I really have to be shown this cruelly that love wasn't meant to be for me?" Again Chris started to cry. "No I can't let that bastard win. I won't cry anymore. Not until Lance is here and we can talk about it. I'm in my favorite city in the world and I'll be damned if I let him destroy that too.
Chris wondered through the gardens of Versailles. It was the one place he could think of that wouldn't remind him of John too much. Just the thought of him brought Chris very close to tears. He chose to ignore his tears and walk on through the gardens. After looking around for a while he found a more secluded place in the gardens, close to a fountain. He only noticed one other person there and he was deep in thought, or so it seemed. A safe distance was kept between himself and that person and took off his disguise. No worries about being mobbed here.
Slowly but surely Chris' thoughts returned to the events that occurred in his hotel room earlier this day. The events slowly reappeared before him. How much John had enjoyed destroying him, how little he cared about how Chris actually felt, how low he thought of Chris. "Will I ever be able to love again? Will I ever know true love? Was this as close as I would get to true love? Am I even worthy of love?" Maybe it wasn't all John's fault. Maybe he didn't deserve any better. After all, he let it happen, didn't he? It's not all John's doing. I was there as well. It must be my fault then. I mean, John just behaved the way he's always done. He wasn't any better when we grew up. Why did I fall for it? Why did I buy all his sweet talk? It must be cause I deserve this. I have no right for happiness. I'm not worthy of real love." Slowly but surely the tears cam back again until Chris couldn't see anything anymore. Until he heard a voice.
"Are you ok?"
So, what will happen next? I have some ideas, but nothing written out yet. So you can influence me as much as you'd like to :) Well that's all for me on this installment. Will there be a next one? And what will happen with the mysterious voice? Only time will tell ;-p Remember, the mail address is at the top of this story.
Flower