This story contains explicit descriptions of sexual acts between the characters in it. Although the characters are "under-age" nothing written here should be taken as approval of sexual liaisons between people where such liaisons are either illegal, or objectionable for moral reasons. This story depicts unsafe sex practices, because it is set in a time before the killer STD AIDS; always use a condom. This story is fiction. Any resemblance to real persons is purely coincidental.
This story is copyrighted, 1999 by brian618033989@yahoo.com
The latest revision can be found at http://www.geocities.com/brian618033989/ This is "nifty" Revision: 1.3
Author's note: This is my first attempt at writing gay romantic erotica. This first part has more sex in it than the other parts. So far it looks like there will be 2 or 3 more chapters to this story. Check back in about 2 weeks. E-Mail is welcome, but be patient, because I may only check this address once a week.
Learning About Love
Chapter 1
Sweet sixteen. I sure didn't feel very sweet. I guess that phrase only applies to girls.
Sigh, another year alone. I watched the couples that seemed to be everywhere, during the lunch hour break.
It's only the middle of October, this Monday, and already I'm feeling left out. Come on, Ben, just ignore them, you don't even know if that's what you want.
I was bored, because I forgot to bring the latest novel that I was reading.
Oh well, it's only thirty more minutes, might as well people watch and daydream. Now there's a fox. Long shiny dark brown hair. Look at that mini-skirt! It was almost up to her crotch. Any shorter I would be able to see her underwear! Whew, don't stare too much, look around.
Oh my, what a cutie. Long blond hair down to middle of the back. I really like long hair. My hair is brown, almost touching my shoulder, and cut in a shag style. It would be longer if my Dad didn't keep sending me to the barber. I looked some more. Cute dimples and full red lips, laughing at something that a friend of his was saying. My stomach did a lurch, as I thought of running up to him and kissing him.
Reality check! You're in the middle of a crowded high-school lunch courtyard and you're lusting after a boy!
Gee, I only lasted four minutes before getting depressed again.
Sigh, so what if I'm attracted to him, I just want to hold someone and be held by someone.
When I was about eleven, I started to worry about my feelings towards boys. The encyclopedia helped a lot; thanks for the "complete" edition Mom and Dad. I read every cross reference, multiple times, under the sexuality, homosexual, and other deviant sex topics. Yes, I knew something about the words homosexual and queer, which was why I was worried; I didn't want to get beat up or made fun of. What I read actually excited me though. It said that it was a normal phase for boys to have sex with other boys. Mutual masturbation, oral sex, and anal sex was even possible. Wow! I tried to find other's who might be interested. No luck. And now I guess I'm past the "it's a phase" age now.
What's wrong with me? I just want to experience sex and love, but how do I get someone to notice me. I don't think I'm ugly. Girls don't run from me. But I must not be handsome enough for them to want to make it obvious that they are interested in me. I have brown wavy hair, blue eyes, almost six foot tall, 135 pounds, so kind of skinny. I brush my teeth, use deodorant, and I only need to shave every other day. Maybe I'm so handsome that they hang back in awe. I coughed, to keep from laughing out-loud like a crazy person. Oh sure, what an ego!
I'm tired of this ache for someone. What can I do? Let's see. I can wait for someone to notice me, but would I be interested in them? I can go after someone I'm interested in and hope that they would be interested in me. Hmm.
Go after someone? Be rejected? Or worse be thought of as a creep!
Or accept most anyone interested in me? I would at least experience something. If I don't like it, I could be the one doing the rejecting. Man, I can sound so cold at times, but I at least try to be honest with myself, since I have hidden so much of myself from others.
So what will I do? Hmm, I hate the aggressive mode of going after someone. Besides the constant ache of looking at what I can't have is certainly not getting me anywhere.
OK so, pay attention to anyone showing any kind of interest in me. I should force myself to respond to the other person, so long as there are no major problems with them. Maybe I'll see something attractive later.
Oh, the end of period bell. Sigh, P.E. is next. What an awful time for P.E., right after lunch. More than once I've seen guys puking up their lunch after running to hard. I headed to the gym.
The day was hot, so I left my shirt off.
"Hi Ben," said Dave. I didn't know Dave very well. We usually just said hi and traded gripes. "Sounds like we get to do another six mile run today."
"Oh crude, this is general phys. ed., not track!" I said. I hate the six mile runs. It uses up the whole period just jogging around in circles. The fast runners, however, get to gloat by finishing early and just sitting around for the rest of the period.
"No kidding. I think coach just wants to kick back on this hot day, so we get to work." He paused then pointing at my chest, "What happened? That nipple is larger than the other one."
"What?" I looked. Sure enough. But it wasn't much larger. "I never noticed. Guess I was just born that way." laughing it off. I moved to got to our assembly area. What was that about?
Coach announced that after calisthenics, we were to run around the field for the next 40 minutes. Good, I could just jog and walk, because the distance and time would not be measured. I avoided Dave for the rest of the class. I would have never thought to look closely at other guy's chests, it would be too embarrassing, well actually stimulating, but embarrassing to get caught staring.
The rest of the day passed quickly. Just as I exited the school grounds, I heard:
"Hey Carter!"
I looked back and saw Dave trotting up. "Hi Dave," I said, calling him by his first name. I hate the macho B.S. where guys only use last names.
"What are you doing this afternoon?" he asked.
"Just going home. I haven't really thought about it."
"Want to come over to my house?" he asked.
This is new, I hardly know him. The most we've ever talked was today when he made a comment about my nipple. Oh no, could it be he's interested in me! I looked at him differently. He had short brown hair, brown eyes, shorter than me, but skinny too. I wasn't attracted to him though. "Is your Mom home?" I was all of a sudden afraid to be alone with him.
"No," he said.
"I... can't come over." I couldn't look at him. But I would have, gone to his house, if he had answered yes.
"Oh." He started walk off. What am I doing? He seemed interested in me, and he didn't have any negative traits. This is exactly what I said I would look for.
"Wait a minute," I said. Trying to explain my harsh no: "My parents have a rule that a parent has to be home, when I go to a friend's house." Should I? I'll have to lie to my Mom. "Ah, who cares. I'll need to call my Mom from your place. Maybe fib a little."
Dave smiled, "It's this way, about a mile from here."
Hmm, he does have a nice smile. His home was not quite on the way to my home, but at least it wasn't in the opposite direction.
"Where's your Mom?" I asked. I need to think of what to say to my Mom.
"She works the swing shift at Mercy hospital, she's a nurse."
That doesn't help me with any excuses. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" I ask.
"I have a older brother who just started college this year. How about you?"
"I have a sister who is a year younger than me," I replied. "When does your Dad get home from work?"
"He doesn't live with us. They're divorced"
"Oh. Sorry."
"It's OK. It's been about five years and I see him about twice a week. It's just him and Mom who don't get along. It took me a while to figure that out."
I just nodded. I didn't know what to say, because I already feel like I've gotten too personal. So I just waited for him to continue or pick another topic. We walked for a few minutes.
"We're almost there. About five more minutes," he said, "unless you want to run?"
I groaned and looked at him. He was grinning at my pained look. "No thanks," I said chuckling now.
About five minutes later, he walked up to a yellow two story house. He opened the door. "Oh, it looks like my brother is home." We walked in to an off-white entry way. Stairs were ahead of us, a dining room was off the right, a living room was off to the left, and past the stairs was a hallway to some other part of the house.
"Would you like something to drink? A beer or soda?" he asked.
"Uh, I don't think I better have a beer! A cola would be good, thanks."
"Yea, I was kidding about the beer. Mom got mad when she found out I had some." He walked through the dining room and into the kitchen.
"He kid," I hear some guy say. Must be his brother. I walked in and saw a large tall guy who looked like a larger Dave, but he had curly brown hair and blue eyes. "Oh, you have a new boyfriend!" he said.
"Bob!" Dave said sharply, "shut-up, you're such a jerk." I was turning red. "This is Ben. We're in P.E. together. Ben this is my obnoxious brother Bob."
"Hi." I said. What is going on?
"Hi Ben. Sorry, I just like to tease Dave," Bob said grinning. "I'll see you later Dave, I'm heading back to the library to do more homework." Dave left the room.
Dave opened the fridge and grabbed two cans of coke. "What a jerk," he said as he handed me one. "Come on, I want to change out of these school clothes and you can see my room."
"Wait. I need to phone my Mom"
"Oh, yeah, there's the phone." He pointed to the wall phone next to the door.
I dialed.
"Hello"
"Hi, Mom. I just wanted to let you know that I'm over at a school friend's house."
"OK. Is someone else there with you two?" she asked.
I thought of Dave's brother, "Yes," I said with confidence, but knowing that she meant a parent.
"OK. You need to back around 5:30 for dinner."
"OK. Bye Mom."
"Bye."
Whew. That was easy.
"It's this way. Come on." Dave headed back through the dining room and up the stairs.
I followed, thinking about Dave changing. Sure, like I'd actually look, and risk getting caught. Dave turned to the first room on the right. He had some posters of rock bands. He walked to the closet and grabbed a shirt and pants. I look around his room. There are clothes scattered on the floor. His brown dresser is piled with knick-knacks and pictures on top. The low single bed is unmade. Actually his room is smaller than mine and it has a funny sweet musty smell.
"Would you like to look at some porn?" Dave asked. He had taken off his shirt.
"Sure"
He went to the bookshelf, reached behind a bunch of books, pulled out a magazine, and handed it to me. "Wow, Penthouse," I said. Dave went back to his closet and took off his pants, reveling his white underware. I looked briefly at his smooth back and his lightly haired legs, then I quickly opened the magazine and started flipping through it. I had only seen a few older Playboy's. But this was Penthouse, and I saw that it looked much more reveling. And it was last month's issue. I sat down on his bed.
"The center-fold is hot," Dave said as he walked over with pants on and still tucking in his shirt.
I flipped to it, an opened it out. "Wow. This is cool. I've only looked at playboys before. They don't show them, uh, spread so much."
"Nice looking pussy lips, huh," said Dave. "I like the way the inner lips flare out. It looks like she's ready to for a cock to push right in."
"Really!" I replied, blushing at his comment. "I'd love to do that!" I flipped past the center-fold and looked at some more reveling pictures of the same model. "Oh," I groaned when I saw an image of her kneeling with her behind push out at the camera.
"No kidding," said Dave. I noticed that he was rubbing his crotch. This is amazing. I imitated him, and started rubbing the front of my pants. It didn't take long for me to get hard. I adjusted myself as my dick lengthened to its full five and a half inches. Dave reached over and flipped to another set of pictures. These showed a guy on top of a woman. I couldn't see if they were actually fucking, but it was a very sensual picture. His behind was very nice too.
"Where did you get this?"
"My brother gives me his hand-me-downs." Dave said grinning and glancing at me rubbing myself. "Want to jerk-off?" He had a neutral face now.
"Sure...," I hesitated. Looking back at the magazine. Dave stood up. I put the opened magazine down on the bed and stood up too.
"OK, pull it out," said Dave, as he unzipped his pants and reached in to pull out his dick.
I started to get nervous and I tried not to look at him by focusing on unzipping my pants and slipping my finger into the slit into my under-ware. I had to work to push the opening up high enough to get it over the head of my dick. It moved out onto the cool air.
"Nice cock," said Dave, as he moved his hand up and down his dick.
"Your's too," I replied and quickly looked back to the magazine. The skin on his shaft was loose enough so he could easily move his hand up and down. But the skin on mine is so tight that I have to have lubrication to cum. Oh well, maybe I can move my hand enough and the extra stimulation of the magazine and glancing at Dave's dick will help.
Dave flipped to a new page. The woman was now sitting over the guy, leaning back with her huge breasts pushed out. I look between their legs. Darn, they still show that area in shadows and mostly blocked by her thigh. My eyes moved up the man's torso. Firm stomach and a really nice hairless chest with large pectoral muscles.
"Look at those tits," said Dave.
"Mmm," I replied after glancing back at the breasts then back at the guy's chest. I looked over at Dave and saw that he was pumping his hand fast. I started to get more nervous, because I realized that I wasn't going to be able to cum easily.
"I'm getting close. Uh oh, I forgot a towel." he reached under the bed and pulled out a faded towel. The sweet musky smell got stronger. Oh wow, the towwel must be full of his dried cum! He moved the magazine up and spread the towel out between us. Then he started stroking himself again.
What was I going to do? I reached over and flipped to the next page. It had more pictures of the woman on top of the man.
"Oh yeah," Dave moaned. I looked over and saw him moving his hand faster. He then pushed his hips forward, humping into his hand. I looked up and saw he had his eyes closed and his face was scrunched up. Then he let out his breath with a loud ahhh sound. His hand was a blur. Then I saw his white sperm shoot out onto the towel and the magazine. The sound he made was so exciting. Another jet of sperm spurted out. His hand was slowing as he now seemed to milk his dick. Another spurt, much less than the other two. Then another one just sort of leaked out. I look up at him when he opened his eyes.
"Wow, that must have felt good." I said.
He grinned. "That's for sure." He grabbed the edge of the towel and wiped the cum off of his hand and the end of his dick.
When he was cumming, I felt almost like I could cum, but now I became self conscious again. I tried to concentrate on the magazine picture. Dave's white cum was exciting.
"Oh yeah, go for it," Dave offered encouragement. I tried going faster. After several minutes, I could sort of tell Dave was starting to get embarrassed.
I stopped. "I'm getting tired. But this was fun." That was for-sure. I pulled my dick back in and zipped up.
"But you didn't cum."
"That's OK. I'll finish at home." I grinned to let him know that I really was OK. "Well, I better get home." I quickly walked out of his room. He followed me to the front door. I opened it and looked back at him. He had a worried look. "I'll see you tomorrow in gym class," I smiled.
"OK," he said, returning the smile.
On my way home, I thought about what had happened. Finally, I've had a sexual experience with someone. I didn't get to touch him, but maybe I will another time. Will there be another time? I couldn't cum. I was scared that I would do something wrong. He must think I'm pretty weird. I feel a little panic. I have no idea what he thinks. Well, at least this is a change from the ache of being alone. You idiot, you only jacked-off next to each other. He was just getting-off with the magazine, not you. Maybe. But he did seem concerned about me. Sigh, I have no idea where this is going. What does he think about me? Well I'll find out tomorrow. I should be sure to talk to him, or else he'll think I didn't like what happened.
When I got home, I still had an hour before dinner. I grabbed an old towel and went out to my bedroom. The towel was a good idea. I had been using kleenex but it was not easy to use.
I laid down on my bed and used some hand lotion on my dick. I closed my eyes and thought back to this afternoon's experience. The look of Dave's hard dick. The pictures in the magazine. How the sperm shot out of his penis. The look on his face when he came. What if I had reached over and did it for him and he got some lubricant and rubbed me. Ah, that's it, there's the feeling. Try to remember that feeling if I do it with him again. Feel it building. Ah, the point of no return. The pleasure is so intense in my head and in my dick, then I feel the first jet of sperm jet from inside, intensifying the pleasure. I push inside to pump more sperm out; that makes each ejaculation feel more pleasurable, but still not quite as good as the first load that pumps out. Whew, that was intense! But now I feel the usual depression after cumming. For some reason, guilty for masturbating. Oh well, I know that feeling will pass.
The next day.
Here we go, time for gym class. I barely paid attention to my earlier classes. Now I'll find out how things are with Dave. I got suited-up quickly. When I got outside, I didn't see Dave around.
Coach blew the whistle. "Listen up ladies. After calisthenics, we'll be playing basket ball." I saw two basket balls next to coach. "Divide your selves up into four teams. The captains are: Adams, Jones, Dixon, and McCarthy... You're late Harper."
I looked behind me and saw Dave jogging up to the edge of the group. He didn't look for me.
"OK, get started." yelled coach.
We did our stretches, running in place, and jumping-jacks. Then the captains got up front and picked guys, round-robin. It was the quickest way to get evenly matched teams, because everyone pretty much knew how well others played. And as the teams grew the other members would let their captain's know who would be the best asset to pick next. I hated this "fair" process, because I was always left till the second to last round and sometimes the last round, which felt really awful, because the choices, called out to the captains, were who to avoid. Like, "Don't get stuck with Johnson!" All said loudly, so that everyone's position was clear. Dave usually gets picked picked in the middle group. Not a star, but not a screw-up. I ended up on a different team. I didn't see Dave trying to get me on his team. Oh well, why should he? The other team members would think less of him for wanting a poor player.
It turns out he was even on a different court. As we played, I would look towards him. He didn't look at me. He did seem to be talking to Andy. And Andy started grinning and looking at me. Oh no! Is he telling Andy about what we did yesterday! I stopped looking at them and just concentrated on playing basketball.
Coach blew the end of game whistle. "Hit the showers guys!" he yelled out.
Dave's group jogged towards the gym. I didn't feel like running. Dave must have showered and dressed quickly, so I didn't even get to say hi to him.
I was in a daze during my afternoon classes. I was so happy this morning, now I feel rotten. Why did Dave ignore me. Did he tell Andy? I'll just have to try to talk to him tomorrow.
As I was walking home. Dave trots up beside me. "Hi".
I stopped walking. "Hi Dave," I said without too much excitement.
"Is something wrong?" he asked.
"How come you ignored me in gym?"
"Huh, I wasn't ignoring you. I was late and ended up in a different game than you."
"Oh, sorry, I just thought we were becoming friends."
"I think we are too," he replied. "Want to come over to my place again?"
"Now?" hoping that is what he meant.
"Sure, why not?"
We walked to his house and talked about the basketball game we played in gym class. When we got there, no one was home. We got some sodas again went up to his room for him to change again. I sat on the edge of his bed, drinking my soda, while he changed. I only glanced at him, but I was looking more than last time. When he was dressed he walked over to the bookcase and pulled out a glossy magazine and tossed it to me. I caught it.
"Check this out. I swiped it from my brother's room."
The cover had a picture of a woman sucking a guy. "Wow!" I flipped it open. It looked like every page had pictures, unlike Playboy or Penthouse. "This is incredible. They show everything. Nothing is hidden by shadows."
"I know," said Dave. "You got to see this one." He took the magazine and sat down on the bed next to me. He flipped to somewhere near the middle and stopped on a page showing a woman laying back on a man who had his dick way up into her widely spread legs.
"Oh, that is so hot!" I had never seen a close up of anything like this. I saw Dave adjust himself.
"Want to... you know."
"Sure," I replied. And we both unzipped, pulled out our boners and started moving our hands up and down.
"Think you'll be able to come this time?" Dave asked.
"Uh, yeah." I was embarrassed that he brought it up and looked away from Dave.
"Sorry... I shouldn't have said anything. I just want you to have fun."
"Thanks. That was my first time in front of anyone, so I guess I was nervous."
"No kidding? Really?"
I nodded.
We went back to looking at the magazine. Dave made remarks at every picture where a guy was getting a blow-job.
"That looks like it would feel really good. Oh man, I can't wait for that to happen to me someday."
I looked at his dick. It had a nice pink top. I liked the way it flared out at the head. It was much more exciting to look at then the pictures. But it had some clear liquid leaking out of the slit. What what that? Then I remembered from the encyclopedia. The cowper gland, I think it was called, produced some lubricating fluid, but it was often not very much. I usually only see a drop form when I've jacked-off. I licked my lips. Dave saw me looking at his dick. He grinned.
"You know... " he hesitated "uh, if you suck me, I'll suck you." He had a worried look.
"Uh, I don't know. Are you sure?"
"Sure. We can start slow. I'll lick your's then you can lick mine. OK?" he looked at me carefully.
"OK."
He leaned down and his tongue licked around the head of my dick. I gasped at the sensation. He sat up quickly and looked at my reaction.
"That felt great," I said. He smiled back. I leaned down to lick the head of his penis. I went for the top of the mushroom part, so that I wouldn't lick the clear stuff. He jerked up and I then licked over the slit and into the clear stuff. It didn't seem to have any taste, so I licked more of it up. Then I slide my lips over the whole head. I didn't open wide enough.
"Watch the teeth," Dave gasped. "Your mouth feels so good. Can you get more in?" He had let go of his penis, so I reached over and put my hand around him. It was so warm. I felt it throb and the head seemed to grow in my mouth. I moved down and he groaned. I wiggled my tongue over the head. He thrust up. I was glad my hand was on him to prevent him from going in too much more. I moved off of him.
"Wow. That felt so good." He looked a time grinning at him. "Oh, your turn." He looked disappointed. "I know lets lay down on the bed on our sides and we can do each other at the same time."
"OK." I let go of his dick and he scooted back and laid on his side with his head at the foot of the bed. I scooted down to line my dick up with his mouth.
He took a hold of it and started licking the head.
Wow, I want to suck him some more now! I laid down and repeated Dave's actions, by licking all around the mushroom head.
He went down on me more. Wow, his mouth was so hot and slippery.
I moved down on him and started moving my head up and down.
He started doing that to me.
I could feel my orgasm building already.
He started pushing his dick in and out of my mouth.
I tried to match his rhythm. What a minute, what if he cumms do I want that? I'd tasted my semen. It was really bitter. But if I do, maybe he'll swallow mine too. Then I realized that I really did want to feel his sperm shoot into my mouth. It would be like feeling his orgasm at it's peak, and it was my mouth that caused his sperm to spurt out. I reached down with my free hand and cupped and massaged his balls through his pants.
He moaned.
I also started to move my hand on his hard penis, up and down in rhythm to my mouth. I felt his penis swell more. Then it got really hard in my hand. He jerked forward, then my mouth was really wet, full of lots of warm fluid. I tasted it. It was salty and a little bitter. I started to gag, but I pulled back only enough so that I could easily swallow. I kept pumping on him. The next spurt came out and I quickly swallowed it so that I wouldn't have to taste it. Oh this feels so good. I felt my moment-of-no-return approach. I concentrated on Dave's mouth sucking and licking me. I felt the first jet of sperm shoot out and into his mouth. Just then another smaller amount of sperm came out of him. Now I let it stay in my mouth, trying to taste him more. The orgasm wave made me shake with chills as I pushed to squirt more of my semen into Dave's mouth. He kept sucking. He seemed to be done and pulling back a little. He must be real sensitive right now. I just held my mouth still on the head of his dick, while I humped and squirted out three more smaller amounts of sperm. Dave kept going. Owww, that's getting too sensitive now, so I pulled back. Dave moved off of my. So I let go of his dick too.
"Oh wow, that was so intense. You really know how to suck cock Ben!"
"You were really good too Dave." We had both rolled over to our backs.
"Ahh.." This sure beats jacking-off at home. Home! "Oh no, I forgot to call home!" What should I do? What will I say? I quickly got zipped up. What time is it? How much trouble will I be in? I looked at my watch. Four-thirty. Not too bad, but it's a half hour walk home. I better call now. That might lessen what ever punishment they come up with.
"I think I better call my Mom now. I might not get in as much trouble then. On the other hand, it might give my Mom more time to rehearse what she's going to say to me, when I get home." I shrugged. Dave nodded and gave me a sympathetic look.
I went down to the kitchen phone and dialed our number.
"Hello," my Mom said.
"Hi Mom"
"Ben! Where are you?"
"I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I'm at Dave's house and I just forgot. Sorry." I tried to sound sorry, but I must have sounded scared.
"I was just worried. It's OK now. Are you coming home now, it's almost dinner time," she asked.
Whew, I lucked out. "Yes I'm leaving now. It's about a half hour walk from here."
"OK, see you then. Bye."
"Bye."
"I really lucked out. She was worried, but not mad."
"Sounds like a cool Mom," Dave said.
"Yeah, they're pretty strict sometimes though. Maybe she's happy I've got a friend.
"Well, I better get going." I moved towards him to hug him goodbye. He started to back up, but I already had my arms around him. He hesitated, then patted my back. He felt tense. I let go. He had a surprised look on his face, like he was embarrassed. This is weird.
"I'll see you," I said as I turned to walk quickly to the front door.
"Sure will, bye," he called out.
I got outside, quickly, and started walking home. What was wrong? I thought things were going great with Dave and me. Why did he not hug back? We sucked each other. Heck, we swallowed each other's cum, but he doesn't want to hug me? Maybe he regrets what we did. Kind of like how I get depressed after jacking-off. I felt an ache of loss. I hope not. I want to do it again. The feeling of giving him an orgasm felt so good. The taste of cum was pretty bad though.
Maybe I can figure out a way of making it taste better. Hmm, chocolate covered penis. Hee, hee. Hmm, I had read that semen was 'basic' to counteract the acidic environment in the vagina, so that the sperm would not be killed off. Let's see, a base and acid make salts when they mix and that wouldn't taste too good. Maybe the mouth is acidic. I'll need to find my litmus papers to test that when I get home. So if it is acidic, what can be done? If the mouth could be made basic, no salt would be produced. So I could try rinsing my mouth with a baking-soda solution. But maybe it's not the salt that makes cum taste bad. Sigh, it might be a while before I can try it with Dave. What a minute, I can try my own semen, though I have usually not been too interested in that after cumming. Am I a pervert, a sex deviant? Liking guys certainly is not normal. Maybe all my wanting to experiment and experience sex is not normal.
The normal mode for guys seems to be: do anything, and say anything to get their dick in a pussy, while trying to at least appear sincere and polite enough, so that they can come back for more.
That is revolting.
I've seen other guys do it, and I've felt myself wanting to go that route. But it's dishonest and it has an aggressive element of seduction and conquest that I just can't... Sigh, I can't think of the word for the feeling. I just can't push myself onto someone who doesn't want me. I want to be wanted. A girl can show that she wants a guy by allowing him to fuck her. A guy can show he wants a girl by fucking her. Not that doesn't sound right. Maybe the guy shows he's interested by being willing to wait till the girl says she wants it.
Hmm. Do I want a guy to fuck me? Yes, very much. Do I want to be a girl? No way! But I think I see the dilemma that girls face, and why they don't offer easier access--they somehow know that most guys will put their dick anywhere it feels good, completely independent of who they really want.
There's that ache again. What is that? A longing to be fucked, or to be loved? I'm almost home and thinking doesn't seem to be helping. Things are getting worse. Oh well, at least I can try the base/acid cum experiment.
As for what's going on with Dave, I'll just have to see. Will I go all the way with Dave to see what he really wants? Sure, why not. I'm not a girl, and I want to see what it feels like.
Chapter 2 Teaser
Knock, knock. I woke up with a start. I had fallen asleep. "Dinner is almost ready," my Dad said.
"OK," I replied getting up.
"Can I come in?"
I gulped, part two. "Sure." And I opened the door. I sat on the edge of the bed and he sat beside me.
"You OK?" he asked quietly.
I nodded, but tears were starting again. Damn, I got to get control. I pushed down hard inside, not looking at him. "Did you talk to Mom?"
"About you and Dave? Yes." He looked at me and I looked down. "We just don't want you to get hurt."
Too late, I thought. "I'll tell Dave that we have to cool-it."
"We're not saying you can't see him." he quietly said. "Just take things slower."
To late, I thought again, remembering Dave fucking me. I can't say that! What was Dad talking about? What can I say back? Try to agree. "I know. Actually I've been thinking that Dave and I don't have much else in common. But I would really miss how he..." shit, I almost said how he feels when we fuck! If felt my face flush and I started to tremble with the feeling and memory of being fucked. I put my head on my knees and hugged them, to hid my embarrassment from what I almost said and what I was feeling. He put his hand on my back and rubbed. I trembled more and held my breath. No this is wrong. I can't feel this way here. I felt the wave pass and the tears stopped. Whew. I breathed again and I was in control again. I sat up.
"Sorry." I whispered.
"For what? Having feelings? They're OK," he said.
I nodded, but I had already pushed the feelings away so that I could talk. "You know all I really want is to find someone I'm attracted to and they are attracted to me. But people, uh girls or boys, that I'm attracted to, aren't interested in me. While a few who are interested in me, I'm not interested in them. It just all seems so random and impossible."
"It's not easy," he agreed. "That's probably why being in-love is so powerful, because it's so rare. Even though it's rare, it'll happen for you."