LEARNING HOW TO FLY The Sequel, Part II ~ Ask for Answers ~
Greetings, gentle Reader. I am back yet again with another installment of the long-awaited Sequel. As always, comments, praise and criticism are appreciated and should be sent to Pandora0071@Lycos.com.
Information: For the purpose of the story Brian is married to Leighanne, but does not have a child with her.
Disclaimer: This story is purely fictional and in no way represents the actual beliefs or sexualities of the celebrities mentioned. If you are underage or should not be reading gay slash-fic, it might be better if you left now.
Enjoy!
"Get through this night There are no second chances This time I might To ask the sea for answers
[ ... ]
This time I might To ask the sea for answers These bonds are shackle free Wrapped in lust and lunacy Tiny touch of jealousy These bonds are shackle free
(Lyrics from `Ask for Answers' by Placebo)
Colin stared out the window long after he had lost sight of the taxi that carried Nick to the airport. He had advised him to go, yes, but only because he had felt he ought to. He still felt a silent rage toward Brian for all that he had done and he was reluctant to send Nick into the lion's den all alone. He was protective of his boyfriend, maybe too protective. But from the very beginning he had taken on the role as the elder, the mentor, the Protector and now he did not know how they should go about changing their roles. He knew Nick was sometimes unsatisfied with being treated like a child. He had grown immensely over the past few months and had little in common with the scared young man Colin had met last summer. But it seemed as though they were set in their ways now, their relationship had become comfortable and predictable. Sometimes Colin became afraid that they were heading for the quiet death of their relationship, despite the fact that they still loved each other.
The doorbell interrupted his musings and he left his post on the windowsill with a small sigh. Opening the door, he came face-to-face with an attractive stranger. She was no older than he, her pretty face framed by long, dark curls that reached well past her shoulders. Her figure was petite and short, but curvy in all the right places. She grinned, her eyes sparkling as if she were cooking up some mischief.
"Hi. I'm Heather." She introduced herself, holding out her hand. Colin shook it, still looking puzzled.
"I moved into the apartment right above yours yesterday, but the heater still isn't working so there's no warm water and I have an audition tonight ... I was wondering if I could take a quick shower at your place?" Colin laughed.
"Sure, come on in. I'm Colin, by the way. Nice to meet you." He held the door open for her as she entered. In the hallway, they ran into Jamie, who was getting ready to go out. He eyed the stranger.
"And who might you be?" He asked.
"This is Heather. She is taking a shower at our place because she has no warm water."
"Colin ... I always knew you had it in you. The second Nick is gone, you invite beautiful young women over!" He smirked and managed to duck out of the range of the scarf Colin had grabbed form the hook on the wall. Turning to go he said
"As long as you don't touch the Herbal Essences, you are welcome to use the shower."
"That's alright." Heather laughed, who had watched the exchanged between the two friends with growing amusement. "I've brought my own shampoo."
Colin showed Heather into the bathroom, then settled at the kitchen table with a cup of tea. Thoughts were still swirling madly in his head. Only now did he realize that this was the first time he would be separated from Nick for longer than a few hours. He felt irrationally afraid of losing him, but at the same time a sense of freedom and independence spread through him. He tried to concentrate on his book but was still staring at the pages blankly when Heather returned. She was dressed in a tightly clinging black turtleneck and matching jeans now that accentuated her figure, and trailing a wave of perfume behind her. Rubbing her hair with a towel she leaned against the kitchen counter.
"Thanks again. If I get the part, I am taking you out to dinner tonight, because it will be all thanks to you." She promised. Colin looked up.
"That is really not necessary." He insisted, his eyes absentmindedly staring into the air behind Heather. She frowned.
"Is everything okay? I don't want to seem too inquisitive, but you look worried." Colin shook his head as if to clear it of the fog and attempted a weak smile.
"I'm okay, really. And you should get going, unless you want to be late for your audition."
"Right." She grabbed her bag and headed for the door. Already in the hallway, she turned around again.
"On a second thought, I am taking you out to dinner either way. You look like you could use someone to talk to, and I've always been good at listening." Then she hurried down the stairs.
"This is ridiculous." Nick announced. He looked over at Brian, whose face remained unmoved. His eyes, hidden behind dark sunglasses, were fixed on the road.
"Dammit, you invited me here, now talk to me." Brian sighed.
"Nick, I called you last night because I know we need to talk. I just don't know where to start or what to say. I've been thinking a lot lately, and there are so many things going on in my head that I am not sure about anything anymore." Brian steered the black SUV on the exit ramp and turned into a small side street. A few miles later he entered a quiet subdivision and parked in the driveway of an inconspicuous looking Villa. They stayed in the car for a few minutes, staring at the garage door.
"Fair enough." Nick broke the silence. "I am willing to listen to anything you have to say. But one hateful comment and I am back in New York faster than you can say `homophobic'." Brian smiled.
"Deal." Then he got out of the car and lead Nick inside the house.
After dropping Nick's luggage off in the guestroom, they settled in the kitchen. It was a comfortably large and bright space, but it looked as though it had not been cleaned in a few days. Dirty dishes were stacked in the sink, two half-unpacked grocery bags took up space on the counter, coffee stains dotted the area around the coffee machine. Brian noticed Nick's scrunched up nose as he surveyed the mess and grimaced.
"It does not usually look like this." He explained. "But my wife is ... " he paused and looked to the floor. "... she's visiting a friend." Nick was not about to buy that story but nodded nonetheless, dropping the subject. He'd get an explanation sooner or later. Quietly he watched as Brian cleared the grocery bags away, opened cabinets to produce plates and silverware, white bread and the fixings for sandwiches.
It had been a while since he had seen his former best friend, but he had not changed much. Brian had grown his hair out a bit and tousled it with gel, Nick noticed, and he had slacked off with working out. Though he was still slim and naturally built, the hint of six-pack beneath the shirt was not as defined as it had been in the previous summer. Musing over this, Nick realized with horror that he was checking Brian out. He had never done that before; it would have felt like checking out one's own brother. But now there was a distance between them and assessing his friend's looks seemed only natural to him. Mentally shooing away the unwelcome and uncomfortable thoughts, Nick helped himself to some bread.
"So." He said, anxious to get the conversation started.
"So?" Brian replied, utterly at loss for words. He had wanted this conversation. He knew that it was inevitable if he did not want to lose Nick completely. But that was as far as he had gotten. How he was supposed to reconcile the Doctrines he had grown up with and the sexuality of his best friend, he had no idea. It seemed an impossible feat to him. But if anything, he had begun to doubt the truth of something that taught him to avoid a person he had loved for almost a decade, simply because of who he wanted to sleep with.
"You could start by telling me what you think of me now." Nick suggested between mouthfuls of his sandwich. He had, he realized, resigned himself to the situation. He could only leave with more than he had come with, so he might as well give it a try. Sitting on stools on either side of the counter, they were face to face, looking straight at each other. Brian shifted under Nick's gaze. He felt as though his thoughts were plainly exposed in his eyes, and he was not ready to share those thoughts just yet.
"I don't hate you Nick. I never have and you know that. But I can't say that I understand how this all happened. I mean, you were straight before, weren't you? When did that all change?" He looked genuinely troubled and confused and Nick couldn't help but feel sorry for him. It had been so easy for him to start hating Brian for his ignorance that he never once tried to see things from his friend's point of view. He felt guilty all of a sudden, but immediately scolded himself for it. It was not like Brian had ever tired to see things through his eyes. They were both equally responsible for this situation.
"I have always been gay, Brian. I just didn't know. I always felt like there was something missing and that I was just playing a part, but it wasn't until about a year and a half ago that I noticed what was wrong with me. And then things slowly started to come together and make sense, but at the same time I began to feel detached and lost because even though my sexuality felt natural to me, I knew that not everyone would understand that. I was so frightened." His eyes grew clouded as he remembered the emotional turmoil of that time.
"So you're saying that anyone could be gay, and just not have noticed?" Brian seemed anxious now, and it took Nick only a second to realize where he was going with this. He laughed.
"Don't tell me I caused you an identity crisis? Brian, please, you are happily married, are you not? Or have you ever felt any sort of attraction towards a guy?" He couldn't take it seriously. This was Brian, after all. The straightest guy in the Universe! Brian sighed.
"But that is the thing. The thought that I might be gay never crossed my mind, so I never explored it. But ever since you came out, I have been trying to figure out if I am really as straight as I have always thought. I think that is part of the reason why I reacted the way that I did. I just felt incredibly insecure. Like someone had just pulled out a rug from beneath my feet." The grin vanished from Nick's face. This was no joke. Brian meant every word he said! This was something Nick had not expected at all. `If only we had been honest with each other from the beginning', he thought.
Before Nick got the chance to react, Brian got up and started clearing the table.
"I'd thought that we could maybe go out tonight, but it's rather late and you must be tired. So how about we just check out if there's anything worthwhile on TV?" He asked. Nick nodded.
"Yeah, I really don't feel like going anywhere now. Sounds like a plan."
Colin had gone to bed early, but could not find sleep. Restlessly he rolled from one side of the bed to the other. He felt lonely all by himself in the big bed. It was only ten o'clock and the light from the streetlamp flowed through the blinds in front of the window and illuminated the room. He stared at the ceiling and contemplated getting up. The decision was made for him when the doorbell rang. His first thought was `Jamie'. But why would he be back so early from his visit to AJ? Then he remembered his strange encounter from the afternoon and groaned. He did not feel in the right shape to hang out with Heather. Or did he? Upon closely examining his emotions, he noticed that he would very much like to spend some time with this lively and positive young woman. Maybe she would lift his spirits. At the very least she would provide a distraction. He got up, changed back into jeans and T-shirt, and sprinted to the door.
"Well, that took you forever." she said, grinning. Colin motioned for her to come inside and she complied eagerly.
"I take it you got the part?" he asked, following her to the kitchen.
"Yes. So we celebrated for a bit and it got rather late. I figured you wouldn't really be up for going anywhere this late and decided to bring Chinese take-out. You can never go wrong with that." As she spoke, she produced three containers from her bag and placed them on the table, then added little packets of soy sauce and chopsticks.
"Sweet and sour chicken." She said, pointing at one container. "This one has rice in it, and the other one is duck with pineapples. I hope you can provide us with something to drink?" Colin nodded. He had stayed silent so far, and he enjoyed Heathers good-natured chattering. And since she did not seem to mind that she was leading the conversation by herself, he continued to simply listen. They settled around the table and ate, as Heather told him why she had moved, where she used to live and what she was doing with her live. Her singsong voice lulled Colin into a state resembling a stupor and it took him a while to find his bearing when she came to a sudden halt. She looked at him questioningly.
"Earth to Colin? I asked you why you seemed so upset this afternoon." She repeated. Colin sighed. He had almost forgotten about the current situation, and did not feel like pouring his heart out to a complete stranger. So he forced a smile.
"Oh, it was nothing. I'm alright, really. And I'm sorry I've been letting you do the talking. I've just been doing a lot of work lately, and I'm rather tired."
"Should I leave and let you get some sleep?" Heather asked. But Colin shook his head.
"Nah. Let's take it to the living room, I'll get us some wine and promise to be more talkative." She smiled and nodded
"Alright."
Nick had not realized how tired he was until they settled in the living room and he was comfortably stretched out on the couch. Brian had gotten stuck on Nick-at-Night after channel surfing for a while, and they were watching reruns of I love Lucy. Nick tried to sort out his conversation with Brian, but the thoughts blurred together in his head and eventually he stopped fighting to keep his eyes open and dozed off.
He did not know how long he had been asleep, but the first thing he noticed upon waking up was that his head had come to rest on Brian's shoulder and that Brian had snuggled close to him and fallen asleep as well. Staying in this position he tried to assess the situation. They had shared beds before, especially when he had been younger and gotten homesick on tour. They were no strangers to getting touchy-feely with each other. But this had a different vibe to it altogether and Nick wasn't sure if this was good or bad. With his head clear again, Nick remembered what Brian had said about not being sure what he felt for guys. A sudden urge to move to the other end of the couch overcame him. He mentally compiled a short list of reasons that could complicate their situation any more than it was already, and getting intimate made number one. Gently he moved Brians arm out of the way and Brian began to stir, waking up. He stretched his arms and grinned at Nick.
"Look! You drooled on my shirt." Nick, momentarily forgetting his conflicting emotions of just a moment ago, smiled back and examined the shirt.
"Did not! It's just ... a shadow or something."
"Nick, you always drool in your sleep." Brian assessed. Nick grabbed a pillow and waved it threateningly at Brian.
"Take that back or I won't hesitate to throw this at you." Ducking out of the way, Brian reached for a pillow himself to hold it as a shield. Abandoning his earlier strategy, Nick flung his pillow aside and lunged at Brian, landing on top of him. For a fraction of a second, they both stared at each other, breathing heavily. Then Brian lifted his head up and kissed Nick.
Maybe it was the wine, or maybe it was the depressing thoughts that had been haunting Colin for most of the day, but either way he decided to stop using his brain and just go with whatever happened. It had been clear to him for some time that Heather was interested in him, and he had not tried to explain the situation to her. Instead he flirted back and ignored everything else. The strategy seemed to be working. He felt as though he was flying, laughing at their good-natured banter, making ambiguous remarks and seemingly accidentally touching her leg or hand when talking.
He knew where things were going and he did not care because tonight did not count, it was a stolen moment, something that would never come back to him. It seemed natural to him that tonight would be the first time he should sleep with a woman. He was frightened and excited and almost drunken with his own daring and reckless behaviour. He knew there would be road kill but for the moment he did not care. When she finally leaned in to kiss him he enjoyed the alien sensation. It was not especially good, but it was not bad and it would be an interesting experience.
His first instinct was to pull back. But his body refused to obey, his tongue eagerly playing with Brian's, his crotch rubbing up against his, both getting hard. When Brian sank back to the couch it was only to regain his breath for a moment. He looked up at Nick and saw the questions in his eyes but just shook his head and put a finger on his lips.
"Shhh." He whispered. Then he pulled Nick close again and they kissed once more, this time more eager, hungry for each other in a way that was beyond passion and desire. Their touching was a conversation on a higher level, something that was beyond words and never meant to be put into words. It was not about love or sex but about the most complex and profound way to connect. The only way to get truly close.
They paused long enough to take off their clothes with nimble fingers, frantic movements. Nick placed kisses on Brian's chest, working his way down, letting his tongue and lips explore every inch of the other's body. Brian was leaning back on the couch, his eyes closed, his lips slightly parted. A moan escaped him and Nick paused, like a sleepwalker waking up from his trance. Again doubts and questions overcame him and again Brian simply shook his head. Nick wanted to share this with Brian, and he knew he was too far gone to pull back, but a nagging voice remained in the back of his head until he dove back in and droned it out with the sensations or Brian's warmth and scent and touch.
Fumbling with the waistband of the jeans he opened them and pulled them down, along with the boxers. Brian was big and hard and throbbing and Nick almost gagged trying to take it all in. He teased the tip with his tongue and his teeth, sucking and licking and biting gently. He could feel Brian trembling beneath his touch and he could feel himself hovering on the edge of climax. Passion rolled over them in waves and finally they came together, lost in the intense heat of the moment, overcoming the walls that had formed between them over the past months.
Yes. That's it for Part II. * Someone* predicted this, but I am sure it was more wishful thinking than cunning on his part. ;) Hope ya'll liked it and will stick around for the rest. Take care joey