LERNING HOW TO FLY
Chapter 4 ~Nightly Encounter~
Hi all. I'm back with Chapter four.
As usual, comments, praise and criticism are welcome and should be sent to Pandora0071@lycos.com.
I'd like to say thank you' to those who have e-mailed me, and a special Thanks' to Brian, who keeps me updated on what he thinks of the story.
Disclaimer: This story is fictional. I made all of this up and I do not mean to imply anything about the sexuality of any of the celebrities mentioned.
If you cannot handle the homosexual contents of my writing, go away.
If accessing this kind of material is illegal where you live, or if you are underage, please leave.
Enjoy! joey
"Are you going to go to sleep sometime soon?" Dave asked in the general direction of the living room. It was dark in there and he could barely make out Colin's figure, outlined by the light coming from the television. Dave was already in bed, trying to sleep. But he worried about his friend.
"No. I think I'm going to go take a walk or something. Don't wait up for me." Colin replied and got up. Seconds later Dave could her the sound of the door falling shut. He sighed. Colin had started being open about his sexuality only a few years ago, and although he insisted that rejection did not bother him anymore, it was obvious that it did. And who could be not be bothered by pure ignorance and hatred?
Colin had taken the elevator up to the sundeck on the roof. It was quiet and empty up there now, just what he needed. He walked over to the railing and looked down. There was still life on the street. People and cars and neon lights. Women selling themselves for food and heroin, young lovers seeking anonymity and solitude among the huge crowds, families with little children trying to get a taste of life. The noise of music and voices and the mingled smells of perfume, alcohol, food, and the distant ocean rose up and Colin took a deep breath, inhaling life and death.
So many people down there, so many. And all of them so alone. He wondered how many of them felt like he did. He had read statistics. One out of five, one out of seven, one out of ten. Quite a lot, if you thought about it. Then why the hell did he feel like he was the only one?!
Again, he let his gaze wander over the street below him. Everything was so far away. The people, small and insignificant. No one mattered. There was no point, not really. If he leaned over just a bit more... It could be an accident. So easy.
"What are you doing up here?" Colin turned around, startled. It was Nick who emerged from the shadows and joined him, leaning against the railing.
"Oh. Hi." He mumbled. He didn't mean to sound unfriendly, but he would have preferred to be by himself. Then he realized what he had been doing, thinking. Would he really have jumped?
"I can leave if you want to be alone." Nick said, sensing that he was unwelcome.
"No. I don't mind. Why are you up here so late?" Colin settled his eyes on the young singer, away from the abyss below him. It was safer that way.
"I just asked you the same thing. But I suppose we both have the same reason, don't we?" Nick asked. Was it just the reflection of the moonlight, or could Colin really see tears in the young man's eyes?
"If you mean Brian, you are right." Colin sighed. "But you're his best friend, right? Don't you share his view?" Nick shook his head.
"No. In fact, it's just about the only thing we can't agree on. But I don't stand up to him. I guess I just don't want him to think that..." He trailed off suddenly, as though wondering whether or not he should finish the sentence. But Colin finished the thought for him.
"You don't want him to think that you're gay, do you?" Anger flared up in him. "It's easy not to defend your views if you aren't gay. It's not like you'll feel the hurt of rejection. It's not like you'll have to deal with people like Brian for the rest of your life, whether you want to or not."
"How dare you judge me like that? What do you know about me anyway?" Nick flung back, his voice trembling. "Why would anyone subject themselves to hatred if they didn't have to? But you know what, I have no choice. He's my friend and I can't just shut him out. Even if I am... even if I am gay." He turned away. His whole body was shaking with quiet sobs now. Colin reached out as if to embrace Nick, but then changed his mind. He could not touch him, not after this. He somehow felt responsible for Nick's sudden outburst of anger and hurt. After all, he had provoked it. So he just stood there, waiting.
Finally, after a few minutes, Nick seemed capable of talking again.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you, to break down like this." He whispered.
"It must be hard, having to hide like this." Colin replied, unsure of himself, of how to react.
"It is. I always have to watch myself around him. Howie and Alex know about me and they try to protect me from Brian, from his anger and prejudice, but still. I just don't understand it, how he can hate it so much. I mean, it's so irrational and immature."
"It's just one of those things we are raised to believe." Nick had turned to face Colin again, and Colin could see the tear-streaked cheeks now, the big blue eyes. He wanted to badly to offer some comfort, but he knew none.
"That's no excuse!" Nick protested. "When I was little my mother told me that I could become President of the United States. And then I grew up and figured out that I was probably not going to be President. Why can't he grow up? Why can't he figure it out?"
"That is the mystery I've been trying to solve for most of my life." Colin sighed. And this time he didn't stop himself as he reached out his arms and pulled Nick close. Nick melted against him, still shaking. They were one figure, bonded by the same pain. And as he held on to Nick he listened to the sounds of Miami Beach again and he realized that he was just like the people down there. Just another tourist on earth, hunting for love.
Ok. There goes chapter four. I really tried to build some suspense as to who the couple would be, but I guess the secrets out now.
Stay tuned for chapter five. much love joey