Chapter 5
I was now assured of my suspicion that an unseen world of illicit pleasure existed within our household, although it's scope had surprised me. The morning following my discovery of their tryst, neither my governess nor my step-mother gave any indication that they were aware I had discovered them, and I felt obliged to keep up their pretense. I began to seriously doubt that I had been discovered. At the very least, Mademoiselle had not seen me, so if mama had not told her she would not know. But I found being stuck with this secret infuriating, and my mind was distracted with constant fantasies of what had been going on behind closed doors around me.
The idea aroused me whenever I thought of it, and I found myself more often stealing moments to indulge in that arousal. The orgasms I gave myself seemed to get stronger and deeper, but the more I pleasured myself the more I realized that what I really wanted was to be able to join the indecent cabal for their games.
Not long before the idea would have seemed shocking, but I gave in to my desires willingly. All the same, the idea seemed shocking and impossible. How could I, a young girl, approach my governess, let alone my own step-mother, and ask to be ushered into their sexual society? And what of the coachman, and his impressive member? Could I really let him use it on me?
I resolved to find a solution to my exclusion, and settled on the idea of forming my own sinful secret society. If I were discovered by them to be enjoying the same illicit pleasures, perhaps they would invite me into their confidence, and reveal to me the other secrets of their lustful world.
But where could I find a suitable partner to reveal myself to? I briefly thought of engaging Severine, but felt her innocence was still a little too pristine. Perhaps one of the maids would do? But perhaps they were already ensnared in the house's secret, a possibility which led me to cast my net beyond our walls.
There were no suitable young men anywhere near, but I did have a friend who lived only a couple of hours away. Her name was Francoise, and I had stayed with her family for a few months after mother died, and occasionally since, though we had rarely returned the courtesy. She seemed the best candidate indeed, as we had always got on closely, and the last time I had stayed at her house we had spent a forbidden session kissing one another on the pretense of practicing for boys.
I approached father in his study one day, and he agreed,
"It will be your birthday in a few months, perhaps we shall ask Francoise's family to let us stay with us for a time around then?"
"What a lovely idea," said my step-mother, who stood behind my father's chair with her hand on his shoulder, "I used to so enjoy having girlfriends stay with me when I was a girl", she said, smiling.