This story contains portrayals of homosexual actions and lifestyles. There may be references to, or explicit descriptions of, sex between consenting adults.
If homosexuality, sexually explicit language, or swearing offends you, or if reading material that contains these topics violates any law or personal or religious beliefs, or if you under 18 years of age, please leave now, without proceeding further.
This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblances to actual persons are completely coincidental. Actual locations are mentioned, and are used for 'background' only.
Many of the character's names are Finnish. For those who wish to know how they are pronounced, read on.
Mikko - MEEK-ko Paavo - PAH-vo Joel - YOE-el Halonen - HALL-oh-nen
Roy roynm@mac.com
Leith, chapter 1
"Guilty." The single word seemed to hang in the air. Leith clutched at the arms of his chair and swallowed convulsively as the airplane lurched. Outside the window dark clouds roiled, painting the plane's interior in muted tones that were suddenly altered as the airplane moved into an area of clear sky. In the distance other island-like thunderclouds towered above the endless expanse of billowing moisture. The airplane shook once again. Leith closed his eyes, willing his stomach to behave.
The engines continued to drone and the ride smoothed, slowly lulling Leith into a fitful slumber. Since that day in the courtroom, every time he closed his eyes he relived those moments sitting by his father's side, listening to the jury foreman deliver the fateful word ... guilty. The foreman had stood at the judge's request. In the hushed atmosphere of the room, Leith noticed how the man's knuckles shone white as he tightly held onto the rail surrounding the jury box. The man's voice quavered, "yes sir," when the judge asked him if the jury had arrived at a verdict, but had become firm when he uttered the single word decision.
Leith remembered sitting in silence as his father reached for his hand, giving it a brief, comforting squeeze. He remembered the instant of quiet before one half of the courtroom erupted into sighs of relief and the other into the sobs of the family of the man who now stood convicted of murdering Leith's mother and older brother. In that instant of silence the rest of the world had ceased to exist.
'Guilty,' he remembered thinking during that brief instant of silence. 'It's not enough. Mom and Mason deserve more than a single word.' It didn't matter that the man faced a lifetime behind bars, his mother and brother had been robbed of their life. Leith sat in the courtroom, unmoving, his father's arm around his shoulders. 'It's not enough,' he remembered thinking. 'I'll never hear Mom tell me to comb my hair, or laugh at one of my jokes, or tell me to tuck in my shirt ... or to be a good boy.' He choked back a sob. 'That's the last thing she said to me.' He rubbed his eyes with the handkerchief his father had provided earlier. He could still feel his mother running her fingers through his hair and telling him to be a good boy while she drove Mason to begin his freshman year at Purdue. She planned to visit her parents, and then return to Chicago in time for Leith to begin his senior year of high school.
"Mom," Leith murmured, his groan going unheard in the continuing turmoil of the courtroom.
Mason had hugged Leith as his mother and father finished loading the car with everything a college freshman might need. "I'm going to miss you Leith, Mason said into his ear as they embraced. Mason rubbed his hands lovingly up and down his brother's back. "Next year we can be roomies. We can play every night and never worry that Dad or Mom might interrupt." Mason paused ... "and you can inflict more of your sick humor on me. In fact, today's the first time I can remember not hearing you giggling about something." Mason had chuckled, holding his quiet brother close, burying his face in the crook of Leith's neck. "I love you, little brother," he murmured.
Mason quickly glanced over his shoulder. The adults were laughing as they joked about not having enough room in the car for everything. After determining they would have a moment of privacy, Mason turned back to his brother with a smile playing at the corners of his lips. He leaned forward and gave Leith a long, lingering kiss on the mouth. "Don't feel sad, Leith," he said, looking into his brother's grey eyes and smoothing his hair. "It won't be like I'll be that far away. You can always message me, you know. It'll be like we're almost in the same room." They had hugged once again before their father called. Mason smiled. "Always remember how much I love you."
"Mason," Leith had croaked, holding out a hand to his brother who had begun to walk away. Tears were streaming down the younger boy's cheeks. "I ... I love you too." Both parents glanced at each other, realizing how difficult it must be for Leith to be parted from his older brother for the first time. They had been inseparable their entire lives. Mason had smiled at Leith and then turned, running to the car. As his mother and brother drove off, Mason smiled once again and waved goodbye ... and was gone.
Leith's chin began to tremble. 'Guilty,' he thought as the jury foreman sat down and bowed his head. 'Mom and Mason are never coming home.' Emotions washed over him and he leaned forward, resting his head on the table and began to silently sob. He felt his father lean over and pull him close, holding him in an awkward embrace, the chair arms separating them.
"It'll be alright, Leith," he murmured as the judge attempted to quiet the loudly sobbing people on the other side of the courtroom. Mikko watched in sympathy as his son silently shook his head from side to side, denying his father's words.
Mikko brushed a tear of his own away as he tried to comfort his distraught son. Leith had always been a sensitive boy, but since the death of his mother and brother his emotions would swing wildly from depressed one moment to manic the next. Watching Leith attempt to come to grips with the deaths had been harder on Mikko than losing his wife and oldest son. The two had spent endless evenings talking about their feelings and memories. More often than not, those evenings ended in tears for both men. Mikko remembered the first time Leith timidly reached out a hand, a grief-ravaged young man seeking warmth and comfort. Mikko had taken his son's hand and they sat in silence as the sun began to set, the shadows lengthening imperceptibly until it was dark. Leith leaned his head on his father's shoulder and they both fell into the most restful sleep either had experienced in weeks.
Like Leith, Mikko found it hard to admit Julie and Mason were actually gone. His last memory of them both was standing in the front yard with his arm around Leith's shoulder, waving goodbye as they drove off. He found himself regretting that he had not told them he loved them both before they left. He had not felt such a thing necessary. After all, he would see them again.
Mikko reached a hand to his lips remembering the softness of his wife's good-bye kiss. He smiled wanly, remembering Mason's rough embrace, and the kiss of his on the cheek. Mason had not forgotten to tell his father how much he loved him, why had he not done as much for his son ... or his wife. Leith shuddered once again and Mikko's attention returned to the present.
The memories had been too much for both father and son. So a few months after the deaths they had left their house in the suburbs to be cared for by one of Mikko's brothers and moved into Chicago. They now had a beautiful apartment overlooking Lakeshore Drive far below. The move had helped some, but their new place wasn't 'home.' It was too close to where their memories still resided. On weekends they found themselves driving 'home' to visit Mikko's brother, Paavo and his wife. It seemed strange to see someone else in their home, but it was comforting to know Paavo and Karen would take care of the place. They were in the process of selling their house, intending to permanently move into Mikko and Julie's.
"Are you doing okay, Leith?" Mikko murmured, leaning close to his son. The boy nodded and then began to hiccough as he wiped his puffy eyes and blew his nose. "It'll be over in a minute," Mikko whispered, scooting his chair closer and putting an arm around Leith's shoulders, drawing him close.
Since the deaths each sought out opportunities to touch or hold the other, as if to protect them from the same thing that happened to Mason and Julie. Mikko noticed how often they both spoke of their love for each other, just in case they never saw one another again. Since the police officer came to tell them of the deaths, neither he nor Leith wanted to be away from the other for long.
Until the trial Leith did not know more than his mother and brother had been shot in a robbery gone bad. When he heard some of the details in court he had turned a horrified accusing expression upon his father and had abruptly stood, running out of the courtroom, causing judge to call a halt to the trial so Mikko could tend to his son. He rushed out of the courtroom to find Leith sobbing in the arms of a perplexed woman neither of them knew. Mikko had quietly expressed his thanks and had gently eased his son away, apologizing for not telling him the whole story.
In fact, Leith still had not heard the entire story, and Mikko had sworn to himself that if it were within his power, Leith never would.
Today, they had heard the jury's verdict. Soon the ordeal would be over. At the judge's instructions the bailiff began escorting members of the convicted man's family out of the courtroom in an attempt to restore order. Their shrieks and cries could still be heard even though the courtroom doors were closed. As the bailiff went about his job Mikko stole a glance at his son and saw both his wife and oldest son in Leith's profile.
Leith and Mason both shared Julie's perfect complexion and light grey eyes. Neither boy could ever aspire to play basketball. Unlike their father, both would never reach six feet in height. Neither boy had been born blond like their mother. Both Leith and Mason had their father's black hair, though neither one struggled with the curls which were the envy of all the women in Mikko's law office. Leith's straight hair was almost always hanging over his forehead. He had a habit of brushing it aside, only to have it fall back into place.
Both boys had also inherited their mother's outrageous sense of humor and would join her teasing their father at every opportunity. Mikko would smile indulgently, happy to be the butt of the joke. Since his brother's death Leith had become a melancholy young man cast adrift without the person he loved most, his brother, Mason.
Mikko watched as his remaining son took a deep shuddering breath and then reach to his shoulder with his right hand to squeeze his father's long fingered hand. He then turned and smiled a lopsided smile, brushing his hair aside and sniffing slightly. He had taken to wearing his brother's high school class ring, and had taken most of Mason's possessions with him to the new apartment.
Mikko and Julie had agonized over their sons' close relationship, but Julie was never aware how close the boys actually were. The secret Mikko kept from his wife had worn at him ever since the day he had knocked on Leith's bedroom door, years ago only to find an empty room. Alarmed, he went to the adjoining bedroom and had quietly opened the door without knocking, discovering twelve year-old Mason asleep on his back, his arm around his eleven year-old brother whose head rested on Mason's shoulder. Their pajamas were in a pile on the floor at the side of the bed, their nude bodies barely covered by the bed's sheets.
Mikko remembered standing in the doorway, suddenly afraid to disturb the boys, thinking back to his own childhood, when his older brother Joel had held him just as Mason was holding Leith. He swallowed around the lump in his throat and backed out of the room, quietly closing the bedroom door. He had gone downstairs and told his wife the boys were going to sleep-in that morning. He couldn't hide his being disturbed from his wife though. She had looked at him quirking her eyebrows and then looked at the stairs leading to their son's rooms. He had smiled and told her he wanted to go for a walk.
That had been the beginning of what Mikko came to think of as his 'other life,' the one Julie never knew of, the one which tormented him to his day. Seeing his sons in each other's arms had rekindled a need in him he thought he had been able to banish. Like Mason and Leith, he and his brother Joel had seldom been separated. They attended college together and had slept together until they had graduated and Joel had bid a tearful farewell to his brother as he headed off to take his new job in Arizona. Mikko had gone on to eventually marry a girl he had known all his life, and moved to Chicago where he became a partner in a large law firm.
He remembered thinking how he truly loved Julie as he went on a walk that morning in an attempt to sort out his thoughts, but what he felt for her was different than what he felt for his brother. When he came home Julie knew something serious was troubling him but she had learned to let him make the first move to speak of his thoughts. He had never spoken to anyone of his feelings for Joel. The two brothers often spoke of their relationship and only once had let that talk move on to something more. Mikko closed his eyes, remembering how Leith had been part of that experience. Another source of guilt. Now it was too late to tell Julie both that he loved both her and his brother. He liked to imagine she would have understood but he had to admit he was happy that it would never be necessary to speak to her of his still-strong feelings for Joel. His present concern was for his own welfare and that of his youngest son. Other things would sort themselves out eventually.
~ To be continued ~
As with my earlier story, 'Phalen,' (Nifty College Section) I would like to thank you for taking the time to read my work. I would also like to thank Carey for his ceaseless efforts to make me a better writer, Gwynne for her daily doses of humor and her insights into the characters, and Larry in Finland for helping me with the Finnish language and for being a good friend. Writing may be a solitary endeavor, but the thoughts of each of these people, as well as you, the story's readers, affect the story's course.
I always welcome email from readers and enjoy hearing your thoughts. If you would like me to send a pic of the character(s) please email me.
NOTE: This story happens during the same period of time as the 'Phalen' story. As 'Phalen' ends, the two story's timelines will coincide and this story will take over. Confused? I hope not.
Thanks for reading.
Roy roynm@mac.com