This story is entirely fictional, and any resemblances to actual persons are completely coincidental. Actual locations are mentioned, and are used for 'background' only.
This story happens during the period of time when my earlier story, 'Phalen,' ends.
Many of the character's names are Finnish. For those who wish to know how they are pronounced, read on.
Mikko - MEEK-ko Paavo - PAW-vo Joel - YOE-el Halonen - HALL-oh-nen
Roy roynm@mac.com
Leith - chapter 11
Larry smiled as he drove up to Andrew's house, pleased he wouldn't have to wait to deliver his news. Andrew's red sports car was in the driveway sitting in the shade cast by a eucalyptus tree. Larry was up the porch steps in a flash and rang the doorbell, leaning close to the glass door to look inside, all the while anxiously tapping a foot. When he saw Andrew approaching he motioned for him to hurry.
"What's up, handsome?" Andrew held the door open for Larry and then turned to embrace him the moment he was inside. Larry was waiting with arms spread wide. "Am I still allowed to give my favorite attorney a kiss since you've fallen in love with that sexy architect-guy?" Larry answered by pulling Andrew close and opening his mouth to his friend's kiss.
"Oh, you do that well," Larry sighed, when they finally parted. "And you look sexy as hell in those shorts. Have you been out in the sun? Your tan is wonderful." He reached out and tweaked one of Andrew's nipples and snickered, knowing the effect it would have.
Andrew placed his hand on top of Larry's and grasped it tightly. "You'd better stop doing that or I'm going to have to ask you to strip and bend over so I can have my way with you." He reached out and caressed Larry's cheek before drawing him into another embrace. "Damn, you smell good." He rested his head on Larry's shoulder slowly inhaling the smell of him. He abruptly moved and held Larry at arm's length, remembering that they were no longer able to strip and spend the afternoon in bed.
"I've got to stop holding you like that. Just standing next to you is exciting enough, but when you're in my arms it's almost unbearable." He studied Larry for a moment, noticing his bright smile for the first time.
"You're excited about something. What's going on?"
"I met the nicest guy today." Larry followed Andrew into the kitchen and accepted a beer. "He's an attorney." Andrew leaned on the counter and faced his friend with a distracted smile as the story continued. "He and his son have moved to Phoenix to set up a new law firm on the same floor as mine. He was in the building to inspect the space and we ran into one another so I asked him into the office for a cup of coffee. In fact, we spent much of the morning together. He's a really nice guy, Andrew." Larry paused and took a long swallow of his favorite brand of beer, stopping a moment to savor the flavor.
"I'm glad for you, Larry." Andrew continued to lean on the other side of the large granite-topped kitchen island. Larry was perched on the edge of a bar stool and was swinging a leg, full of nervous energy. "Are you into collecting guys? You already have a perfectly serviceable one, in Brad." Andrew took a long swallow of his beer. "More than serviceable, in fact. Sexy as hell. Why are you all excited about this new one?"
"He's Finnish, Andrew. He's just about your height with curly black hair and dark green eyes with long black eyelashes. He's built about like me, sort of slender . . . kind of like a runner's build, though he never mentioned running. You should like that." Andrew returned Larry's bright smile with a puzzled grin, remembering the terrible time he had during his one-time foray into running as he tried to keep up with Larry.
"Sounds stunning. Why are you telling me all of this?" Larry looked perplexed for a moment, as if the reason should be obvious. Andrew chuckled at Larry's expression. "I can understand why no one in their right mind would want to run, but why is what he likes and doesn't like important to me?"
"Oh, because he's perfect for you! The two of you would look great together." Larry's dimples were at their best as his eyes twinkled and he brightly smiled at the man across the counter. Andrew's eyes widened.
"Me!" Andrew burst out laughing. "Larry, I swear. I never know what to expect when you're around. Have you and this guy . . . " He paused, waiting for Larry to supply a name to the description.
"Mikko."
"Have you and Mikko figured everything out? There's much more to a relationship than looking good together. I mean, you and I look good together and look where that got us." Larry waved his hand as if brushing aside the comparison. "Did you tell him about me in the same glowing terms you're describing him to me?" Andrew momentarily stared into the distance and then shuddered slightly. "Geez, I'd hate to think what you told him."
"Don't worry, I didn't say anything." Larry admitted, looking slightly abashed. "I didn't even mention you. In fact, I don't really know if he's gay . . . or not. I think he is, but I don't know if that's wishful thinking speaking. He is so damn sexy. Kind of sad . . . in a sexy sort of way."
"What!" Andrew leaned against the kitchen counter and laughed at Larry's discomfiture. "You're setting Mikko and me up and you don't even know if he's gay? Larry, if he isn't, am I supposed to convince him that gay is good just with my force of my animal magnetism?"
"Worked with me," Larry murmured. "If the animal magnetism fails, your big dick would work. He's got a big package too, Andrew, and a wonderful round butt." Larry made a motion in the air with his hands, describing Mikko's ass. Andrew raised his eyebrows in appreciation. "The two of you'd be good together," Larry trailed off.
"What if he's got a wife and kids? Have you thought of that?"
Larry sobered somewhat. "No, I know he doesn't have a wife. She and his oldest son died in a bank robbery back in Chicago. I don't know how long ago that happened, but he's still upset about it."
"Understandably."
"He does have another son. He's eighteen. Did I mention, Mikko's our age? Maybe you can meet me after work sometime this week and we all can go out for a drink or something. You'll like him, Andrew, and I know he'll like you."
The hot water splashed against the back of his neck as he rotated his shoulders and inhaled the steam. The fall he had taken wasn't bad but it was sure to cause some muscle pain. The coach and Thian had rushed over when they saw Kerin catch his arm in one of the still rings and slam to the cushioned mat, landing on his shoulder with a thud and a humph of expelled breath. His teammates stopped what they were doing and looked on in silence broken only by the banging of the rings above the two men huddled around Kerin. The team seldom saw either of the twins fall, so when one of them did, it was a message that even the best gymnasts could be injured. Kerin shook his head and sat up with his brother's assistance.
"Hey, coach," he groaned, shaking his head as if he were still shaken up by the fall. "Do you think someone will name that cool move I just made after me?" The coach snorted and motioned for everyone to get back to work. Kerin stood with the help of his brother and brushed the chalk dust off the seat of his shorts and shouted at the coach's retreating back. "The Johnston flop. I think it's a catchy name." The coach merely shook his head and waved as he walked away, not looking back.
Thian asked him if he was really okay and he nodded, hoping to keep his brother from worrying and took things easy during the remainder of practice, realizing how bad a fall he had actually taken. From time to time he noticed Thian watching him and he would try to perform up to his usual standards. When it became obvious to him that he couldn't meet those standards he sat down and began unwrapping the fabric supports around his wrists. Thankfully, practice was nearly over so he didn't have to endure the almost constant concerned looks his brother cast in his direction.
Kerin rotated his shoulder under the hot stream of water and winced at the pain. The shower room was more quiet than usual and he was enjoying the relative calm. The work out had been rigorous, but it was Friday and many of the guys were rushing to finish so they could get home and tend to their evening's plans.
Thian joined his brother, appearing suddenly out of the steam. "Feeling better?" Kerin nodded and tried not to wince as he swung his arm in a wide arc as a means of showing his brother he would be fine. "Good." He slapped Kerin on the butt with a sharp smack that echoed loudly in the shower room. Kerin jumped, only half-concealing a yelp of surprise at the unexpected move.
"Hey guys," one of their team mates at a nearby shower shouted to everyone. "The twins are getting frisky over here!" Everyone remaining in the showers hooted and laughed.
"Don't bend over," someone shouted over the laughter. "We know what the Johnston boys are like. No one's safe." One of the freshman team members squinted in Kerin's direction through the frothy shampoo running in rivulets over his face. He swiped a hand across his face, attempting to wipe the suds away, unsure if everyone was joking or not.
"Hey, Kerin. I didn't know you were into guys." Kerin looked at him strangely. One of the other gymnasts crowed, asking the newcomer what planet he had come from, telling him everyone knew the twins were into guys.
"That's not true," Kerin shouted back. "I'm not into guys. I'm into my brother. There's a difference." He casually draped an arm over his brother's shoulder. "Our dad's a psychiatrist and he's still trying to figure it out." The young man who had originally asked the question looked confused as he stepped from under the water, the white foam now puddling at his feet before it headed toward the drain. A cloud of steam suddenly floated across the shower room accompanied by a cool breeze. Someone shouted in surprise, demanding that the door be closed before everyone froze.
The freshman seemed genuinely puzzled. "If you're into your brother, doesn't that mean you're into guys?" Someone nearby snickered and the young gymnast looked over his shoulder, wondering what was so funny.
"No, Adam," Kerin said walking up to the young guy and resting his left hand on Adam's shoulder causing the younger man to shift uncomfortably and give Kerin a wary look. "I told you. I'm not into guys." He paused a moment in the suddenly silent shower room. Then he grabbed his cock and wiggled it at Adam, stepping close and shouting. "I'm not, but Willy is!" Adam jumped back and looked to either side as the room erupted into laughter. Someone slapped Adam on the back and he jumped one more time, looking around like a trapped animal.
"We don't talk about stuff like this back in Kansas," he managed to croak as he sought to regain control of himself. Once again he was surrounded by friendly laughter.
"You're not in Kansas any more, Adam." Kerin moved closer causing Adam to back away a couple steps, his eyes wide with concern. "Sorry if I embarrassed you, man. Have no fear, your virginal body is safe around Thian and me."
"But not from me," someone nearby shouted through the steam, followed by a cackling laugh. Adam looked up with a start, turned in the direction the voice came from, and then hurriedly left the shower room, looking over his shoulder to make sure he wasn't being followed. Friendly laughter followed his retreating back.
Kerin went back to the showerhead he was sharing with his brother. "If I was interested in guys," he murmured, so only Thian could hear, "he would definitely be someone I could be interested in." Thian looked in the direction Adam had taken. He had never known his brother to make a comment about someone as he had just done. Kerin turned his back to his brother and bowed his head.
"Massage my shoulders, T. I should have been wearing the safety harness when I tried that new move. I think I was a little distracted by our conversation about Dad and us." Thian stepped close to his brother and began working the stiff muscles with his strong fingers. Kerin hissed an indrawn breath. "Easy man, don't leave bruises on the merchandise." The hot water continued to play over their bodies while Thian kneaded the muscles of his brother's shoulder. One by one the other team members left until only the twins remained. They could hear the good-natured teasing Adam was experiencing and finally, they could hear him laugh and begin to respond to the friendly jibes.
"C'mon, K. Let's sit in the steam room for a while. Maybe the heat and a little more massage will help your shoulder." Kerin nodded, massaging his right shoulder and wincing as he followed his brother across the open showers and into the dimly lit steam room.
"Hellooo," Kerin shouted as they walked into the wall of heat and billowing cloud of steam. "Anyone in here?" He was answered by misty silence. Thian ushered him to the far end of the long dimly lit room. Thian scooted close to his brother's broad back as they both straddled the wooden bench that ran down the center of the room. Kerin bowed his head and Thian once again began kneading the muscles of his brother's shoulder. He could feel the muscles flex and relax under his fingers, as well as the condensation covering his brother in a soft sheen. From time to time Kerin would wince or sigh. He rotated his head from side to side stretching the muscles of his neck, and then rested his hand on his brother's thigh. Over the years, they had performed a similar routine for one another many times. Sometimes it was a shoulder muscle, sometimes a leg. Whatever was required, they had always been there for each other. "Damn, that feels good, T." He held his brother's hand, kissed it and then began sucking on Thian's thumb, humming with pleasure as Thian scooted closer and wrapped an arm around Kerin's chest and began playing with his brother's nipples.
Kerin turned around and faced his brother, gesturing for him to remain seated. "Hey, sexy," Kerin grinned, speaking in a husky voice. "Thanks for the massage. Now, it's payback time." He scooted forward and urged Thian to lie back on the bench. Kerin moved closer and lifted his brother's hips so Thian's hips rested on his lap and his legs were spread wide to either side.
He leaned forward and sucked Thian's erection into his mouth; at the same time he began teasing Thian's anus with a forefinger. "C'mon, hot man," Kerin murmured, before he deep throated his brother's erection once again. "Let me taste how sweet you are." He slowly entered his brother and ran his forefinger back and forth over Thian's firm prostate, enjoying how, with each pass his brother's breathing became more labored.
"C'mon, T. Give it to me." Thian groaned and arched his back as Kerin buried his finger as far as it would go and took his brother's penis into his throat. Thian groaned loudly, jerked one more time and began filling Kerin's mouth for the second time in the day.
Thian tried to lay quietly as he tried to control his breathing while his brother slowly milked his penis until it softened. He propped himself up on both elbows and saw Kerin drool out the sperm he had been holding in his mouth onto his hand, pausing a moment to scrape off a thick trail that was running out of the corner of his mouth and down to his chin. He held out the hand to let Thian see the viscous liquid and then began masturbating himself using his brother's sperm as a lube.
He gently fondled his brother's penis as he slowly stimulated himself, feeling his orgasm build until it engulfed him. It only took a few strokes before Kerin groaned and began shooting his own load over his stomach and onto his brother's testicles, a grunt accompanying each shot. Thian watched, entranced not only by the thick strands of sperm shooting from Kerin's penis, but at the sight of his brother's tightly closed eyes and open mouth as he experienced an orgasm. After a few moments Kerin opened his eyes, grinned, and shook his head, sending droplets of moisture flying in all directions.
"Gimmie," Thian murmured, sticking out his tongue. Kerin smiled broadly, scooping up some of his own sperm and extended his hand for his brother to lick. He had always enjoyed the feeling of Thian sucking on his fingers, just as he knew Thian enjoyed having his own thumb sucked. Just as today, sucking on one another's finger often was a prelude to greater intimacy.
"C'mon, T, let's get out of this heat. I'm gonna be so limp I bet even you couldn't get me stiff." Thian released his finger and smiled.
"Wanna bet? Sucking on your fingers sends a message directly to your dick. Gimmie a minute and you'll be ready to go." Kerin snatched his hand away.
"You can suck on whatever you want . . . but not in here. Let's go home and get into a comfortable bed and you can nurse my finger . . . or whatever, as long as you like."
They both walked into the silent shower room. "Shoulder's better," Kerin smiled as he rotated his arm in a wide arc. They both stepped under the shower's spray and let ice-cold water sluice over him. "Thanks for the massage, T. You're the best."
The feeling of Larry's tongue exploring his mouth was as exciting as ever for Andrew. Each time they kissed he regretted they could no longer have a sexual relationship. A couple months earlier, they had mutually decided they cared deeply for one another, but did not love each other. They remained the best of friends, but Andrew felt even that was slowly slipping away as Larry spent more time with his partner, Brad. It was a frustrating situation, especially since Larry continued to enjoy kissing him as much as he enjoyed the feeling of Larry's tongue against his.
Andrew opened his eyes surprised to hear a whistle and then the sound of the front door to the house opening. Larry reluctantly turned and greeted Andrew's sons.
"Hey, men," he smiled in greeting, as he shook hands with each of the twins. He nodded toward their father. "We were just saying goodbye." He turned back to Andrew and gave him brief kiss.
"Thanks for the beer. Think about my idea of getting together with Mikko soon. You'll like him as much as I'm sure he'll like you." He gently slapped Andrew on the back and saluted the silent twins as he walked to the front door and let himself out.
Kerin as always, was first to speak. "Well, Dad?"
Andrew rubbed the back of his neck and headed for the kitchen followed by his sons. He looked at them after he had finished the beer he had started earlier. "Well what? Are you asking why Larry and I were kissing, or something else?"
"We were surprised to see Larry's car out front," Thian said, pulling up a stool and sitting down, looking at his father. "Then we were even more surprised to see the two of you kissing like long lost lovers."
"Who's Mikko," Kerin interrupted his brother. Andrew shrugged.
"He's a guy whose office is moving in next door to Larry's. Larry came over to tell me he thought this Mikko person and I would make the perfect couple. He doesn't even know if Mikko is gay, and he's already planning a honeymoon for us." The twins laughed at their father's choice of words. "Larry wants the three of us to go out for a drink after work soon." Andrew theatrically shuddered. "Knowing Larry, I can't imagine what he's got planned."
"So . . . are you going to?"
"Who knows? Probably." He grinned. "Mikko sounds like a nice guy. Larry is certainly impressed with him."
"You still care a lot for Larry, don't you, Dad?" Andrew looked at Thian and nodded slowly.
"Yes, I do. Every time I see him I wonder if we made the right decision not to pursue a relationship. I find myself resenting Brad, and then I feel bad because I know the two of them are perfect for one another." He traced a pattern on the granite counter top with his forefinger. "It's just that Larry was the first man I ever really cared for. I felt as if things were going great between us, and then the bottom fell out and I was left a little . . . stunned. I guess I'm still not over the feeling." He grinned at his sons' serious expressions. "Besides, right now I'm horny as hell. You guys are even beginning to look good to me."
"That's our cue, T. Dad's not only maudlin, he's horny. A weird combination." Kerin grabbed his brother's hand. "Let's go lock ourselves in our room until he cools off. I seem to recall you telling me you wanted to suck on my thumb."
Andrew shouted to their retreating backs. "I'm heading to the gym, guys." Thian raised an arm in acknowledgment.
Brett groaned loudly, clawing at Leith's back, pulling his cousin closer, feeling Leith's penis throb as it unloaded inside him. Only moments before he had heard his mother and father pass by the bedroom door. It was exciting for him to think of being fucked only a few feet away from his mother.
The thought of having his father nearby though, was exciting. He and Leith had discussed on a number of occasions, the intensity of the feelings they experienced while watching their fathers have sex. In fact, such a discussion had led to this afternoon's lovemaking.
Leith slowly rested the entire weight of his body on his cousin as his tongue sought his cousin's. His softening penis was still inside Brett. The one time Leith withdrew soon after having an orgasm, Brett had complained, instructing him to, "put it back in." The two men slowly kissed until Leith softened enough to slide out of Brett's hole.
Leith murmured in Brett's ear. "Are you gonna let me taste my own jiz, straight from your butt hole, Mr. Studly?" Brett grinned. One of Leith's favorite things was to lick Brett's hole clean of sperm each time they fucked. Often Leith would cum a second time as his tongue explored the depths of Brett's anus.
"You can lick my hole anytime, Leith," Brett murmured, kissing his cousin once again. "But this time we're gonna do it a different way." Leith propped himself up on his elbows and looked into Brett's eyes, wearing an expectant grin. Brett pushed him off and told Leith to lie on his back.
As expected, Leith was beginning to stiffen as Brett stood over his cousin and then slowly squatted over his mouth. Brett began to masturbate himself as he relaxed and felt the sperm begin to drain out of his butt hole directly into Leith's waiting mouth. The moment the thick liquid touched Leith's tongue he moaned loudly and reached for himself and began to furiously masturbate.
"Sit on my face, Studly. I wanna lick your hole." Brett's orgasm was approaching and he knew the feeling of his cousin's tongue lapping against his anus would send him over the edge. He moved to his knees and backed onto Leith's waiting tongue, tilting his head back and gasping at the sensation of Leith penetrating him.
Leith tried to push further into Brett as his hips left the bed and he began shooting another load, this time onto his stomach.
The feeling of his cousin's tongue exploring his asshole, the sight of Leith gripping his large penis, the way it expanded just before he started to shoot, and the way the sperm erupted from the large piss slit sent Brett over the edge. In moments, Leith' chest and stomach was streaked with two loads of sperm.
"Fuck, man, that was too much," Leith chuckled and licked his lips as Brett stretched out next to him breathing heavily. "Damn, my jiz tastes good." He rolled his head to the side and winked at Brett. "Especially after you've had an opportunity to hold onto it for a while." He licked his lips and then became serious as he continued watching his cousin.
"Has anyone ever told you that you are one sexy man?" He reached over and traced a finger along Brett's jaw and then over his lips. "Mr. Studly."
"Hey, Larry!" At the sound of the voice, Mikko turned from closing the construction door to his new office to see Larry, emerging from one of the elevators. As always, Larry looked impeccable in his conservative grey business suit. He smiled brightly at Mikko and suddenly the day seemed to be going much better. Overseeing a bunch of construction workers when he knew next to nothing about construction was trying, and today had seemed worse than usual. He figured he was anxious about the bid he had placed on a new loft near the University. That's all he seemed to think about. The loft would be a perfect home for him and Leith. He wanted it . . . badly. Apparently, so did many other people. In fact so many people had been interested in buying spaces in the building; the owners decided to maximize profits by selling the one remaining space to the highest bidder. Mikko placed his bid and had been anxious to hear the results ever since.
"Heard anything about the condo yet?" Mikko shook his head.
"No, not yet, and it's driving me crazy. I hate waiting. In fact, I'm so distracted I can't think. The noise is driving me up the wall, so I'm calling it quits for today and am heading back to my brother's place." Larry got a mischievous look on his face and moved close.
"Maybe what you need is some companionship." Larry watched Mikko's expression become suddenly wary. "There are a few lovely young ladies working close by who would jump at the chance to go to dinner with you."
Mikko held out both hands as if to stop Larry from even contemplating such a thing. "I never was good at the courting ritual, Larry, and I do not want to be hooked up with someone I don't know and with whom I have nothing in common. No thanks."
"They think you're cute." Larry was enjoying himself.
"I'm flattered, but please don't pursue this. If they're looking for an eligible bachelor, I seem to remember you saying you were single."
"Yesss." Larry drew out the word until it sounded like a hiss. "I'm single . . . but very happily partnered. So, I'm not available." He turned to look over his shoulder as one of the doors to his office opened and a receptionist softly called his name, behaving as if someone would complain that her voice might compete with the sound of nearby construction.
"Well, duty calls, my friend." Larry smiled once again and Mikko felt captivated by the dimples. "If you change your mind about one of the ladies, let me know."
Mikko shouted to Larry's retreating back. "Don't hold your breath!"
He entered the elevator not knowing whether to be irritated or flattered. He decided to be irritated. 'Just what I need . . . a set of female admirers.' He crossed the bridge to the parking garage, muttering under his breath. 'Could Larry have been teasing me? He certainly seemed to be enjoying himself.
They think I'm cute, huh?' He smiled a satisfied smile and got into his car and began the long drive across town to his brother's house deciding that feeling flattered was much nicer than feeling irritated. 'Besides, who could stay mad at Larry? All he has to do is smile and I'd do whatever he wanted.'
Susan's car was parked in the drive and he sighed, dreading being in a house with Joel's wife. He decided he wasn't going to let her spoil the good mood he'd been cultivating since leaving the office.
"Honey," he called as he opened the front door. "I'm home." He heard laughter from the living room where Susan was reading a book. She greeted him with a bright smile and noticed how the smile he'd been wearing when he entered the house suddenly faded to be replaced by a haunted expression. He dragged himself into the living room and slumped into the chair facing Susan, a man transformed in the space of only a few seconds.
"I never realized how much I miss saying that." He was silently staring out the large window to the back yard. Susan closed her book and studied her brother-in-law. He was immaculate as always, but she could detect the beginnings of dark shadows under his eyes.
"Will it ever get easier, Susan?" He tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling.
"I honestly don't know, Mikko. I would think that time would dull the pain . . . some." She paused a long moment and then took a deep breath. "Brett tells me Leith continues to suffer nightmares and bouts of crying. He's not the only one who's in pain, is he?" Mikko glanced at her, surprised by what she said about his son having nightmares, and shook his head.
"No, I just think I'm able to hide the pain a little better, but sometimes I'm overwhelmed just like Leith. I'm glad he's got Brett to look out after him." Mikko absently stroked the leather of the chair arm. "Back in Chicago, I tried to help." He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "We talked to one another, and held each other while we cried . . . but I don't think either one of us were really comforted." He abruptly stood and began to pace back and forth across the room speaking in an anguished voice.
"Susan, I can't help but think that in some way it's my fault they died. That if I had done something differently they would be alive today." He glanced at his sister-in-law who seemed poised to stand and slap some sense into him. "I know it's survivor's guilt rearing its ugly head, but that doesn't help one damn bit when I wake up in the middle of the night wishing she was next to me." He stopped pacing and bowed his head and speaking in a lower voice. "It doesn't help when I have something exciting to tell her . . . and she's not there." He turned his back on his sister-in-law and continued speaking with a bowed head. "It doesn't help when I want to give Mason a hug, or hear him laugh as he tells one of his awful jokes . . . or take him to a ball game." He rubbed at his eyes with an angry swipe of his hands and spoke in a voice barely loud enough to hear. "It just . . . doesn't help." Susan watched quietly through narrowed eyes as Mikko made an effort to regain control of his emotions. Finally, he turned around and gave her a crooked smile.
"My apologies, dear lady." She grinned at the words he often used when speaking to her. Before today, she had never realized how she enjoyed hearing him say those words, and the way his eyes would usually twinkle as he spoke them. Today there was no twinkle in his eyes as he sat down across from her and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees.
"Susan, I haven't told you how much I appreciate you opening your home to Leith and me. I know we've been a disruption to your routine . . . and then there's Brett and Leith." He heaved a sigh and sat back, resting his arms along the arms of the chair, once again absently running a forefinger back and forth over the smooth surface. "There are better ways to learn one's son is gay." Susan gave him a wistful smile and nodded agreement.
"Are things okay between you and Brett?"
She sighed, studying Mikko's serious expression. He had never opened up to her as he was doing today. She didn't know quite how to handle the change. "Yes, things are fine. I told him it would take me a while to assimilate the new Brett, but to give me time, that I'm working on it." She chuckled and noticed some of the tension leave Mikko.
"I must say, Brett seems happier than ever. I expect I should give Leith much of the credit for the transformation. Sometimes I used to despair of Brett having to go out into the real world. He's always been almost frighteningly self-controlled. Even as a young child he would silently observe, hardly ever giving way to bouts of emotion. He was so cold and serious. At the same time he seemed . . . frail, as if the first setback he suffered would crush him." She smiled. "Since you and Leith have been here he's become more self confident. He laughs." She paused a moment and grinned at the man sitting across from her. "I can't remember when I heard Brett laugh. Now, he's laughing all the time. It's wonderful. His brothers aren't going to recognize him when they come home." Mikko returned her smile and then once again looked at her with a dead-serious expression.
"Susan." He paused, as if gathering his thoughts, or building his courage. "Are things okay between us . . . you and me? I want them to be, and yet I feel as if I've done something wrong. If I have done something to hurt you or displease you, please tell me so I can make amends. I want us to at least be . . . friends."
Susan sighed. Now it was her turn to gather her thoughts, something that was difficult to do considering the abrupt change in the course of the conversation. "Mikko, truthfully I don't know what I feel about you. One minute I feel terribly sorry for you and the circumstances you've faced. The next minute I feel overwhelming jealousy because of the relationship you have with my husband. It's a relationship I have always wanted to experience and have never been able to achieve. He seems so open and loving with you." She lowered her voice, embarrassed at hearing herself speak so openly of her feelings. "I've never felt that he loves me as much as he loves you." She looked at Mikko, studying the firm line of his mouth, the now-quiet hands lying on the arms of the chair. . . and the infinite sadness that seemed to surround him.
'It's strange,' she thought. 'I've never thought of Mikko as a sad person before now. But looking at him . . . like this, makes me almost want to cry.' She cleared her throat, and he looked up at her and tried to grin.
"You haven't done anything to apologize for, Mikko. Not really. It's just me. My mother was very outspoken recently when she told me to back off and let you and Joel attempt to regain the closeness you enjoyed when you were in college. It's hard for me to do something like that." She hesitated, taking a deep breath. "Mikko, I have had nightmares about you taking Joel away from me." She noted his sudden frown of concern. "I can't compete with the love he feels for you. If it came down to making a choice between one of us, I fear Joel would choose . . . you." Her voice trailed off and she bowed her head.
"Nonsense!" The abrupt word, and the force with which it was delivered, made her look up. "Your mother is right about one thing though. Joel and I would like to reestablish our old relationship. But, Susan, even though I dearly love my brother, and I want us to be able to find some of the closeness we once had, I know we can't ever go back to the way we were. We've changed."
"Susan, please listen to me and believe me when I tell you that Joel loves you and the boys more than anyone else in the world. I am not competing with you for his attention. I love my brother, but I also love my brother's family, and like him, I want to see that family happy."
Susan sniffed and looked at her brother-in-law with misty eyes. "Thanks, Mikko . . . for talking to me and for not hating me because of my behavior. I've always thought of you as competition for some reason. Even before I met you, I didn't feel as if I would ever match up with Joel's vision of his little brother, and over the years my fears have grown." She shrugged and wiped at her eyes, sniffing once again. "Maybe I'm just being insecure. I don't know. Joel's been the model husband. He loves to both the boys and me. He listens. He's considerate and even-tempered. Still, when I hear him moan your name in his sleep, I feel as if I'm a stand-in." She shrugged slightly. "It's going to take a while for me to stop thinking of you as . . . competition, just as it is for me to start thinking of Brett in bed with a man." She gave him a tremulous grin as a single tear escaped to run over her cheek.
"I'll manage on both counts." She tried to grin. "I'd like us to be . . . friends . . . too."
~ to be continued ~
Thank you for taking the time to read my work. I've been amazed at how many of you have contacted me about 'Leith' and my other story, 'Phalen.' I always welcome your email and enjoy hearing your thoughts. If you would like me to send a pic of the character(s), please ask.
I have also posted the first chapter of a new short story, entitled, 'Chris,' also in the Gay College Section. I hope you enjoy it.
Best wishes,
Roy Reinikainen roynm@mac.com