Looking back on it, I suppose it was just a matter of time before I discovered my real self amidst all the cluttered and confused emotions that more or less define puberty. In all honesty, my sexual orientation should have been evident even before puberty had I even known what was happening.
Kids play games, pretend, and I was no different. Except when we played as a group, I always chose to be the wife, mother, teacher depending on what we were pretending at the time.
As we grew older the games became more serious (as if you can call it that) , mostly cowboys and indians and war games in the nearby woods, and our pretending became more "life like" , with everyone trying to look the part in order to add to the realism. Except me. I stopped playing the female parts. Deep down inside, I could imagine myself dressed as a woman, but at that age I didn't have any idea just how much I wanted that.
It was in high school that I finally came to grips with my subconscious desires. It was all very innocent at first, but it was just the opening of a door that was to lead me on a wild ride thru my teen years and beyond.
Our neighbors were a young couple who rented my grandmothers house. There wasn't enough storage space in that old house, so my mother had let the woman move a cedar chest into the extra bedroom in our upstairs, just across the hall from my bedroom. It wasn't locked, and I found my way into it one Saturday when I was home alone. I was delighted by the treasures I found, dresses, shoes, bras, panties, a garder belt, and several different pairs of hose. Within minutes I was dressing,. I was a novice, of course, and it took me quite some time to figure out how the stockings and garter belt worked, but the feeling of excitement at what I was doing kept me aroused the whole while.
My first dressing was for no more than 1/2 hour. I was afraid I would get caught. But as I grew bolder, I dressed for longer and longer periods of time, usually after my parents were asleep down stairs. I even layed in bed, fully dressed, feeling the stirrings of sexual desire well up in me as I imagined myself with a boy, or sometimes even with a man. I never once imagined myself a homosexual, my fantasy was always as a woman, naturally.
That was the extent of my adventures in high school, and soon I found myself going to college in a city far from the backwater I had grown up in. My first semester was one of genuine wonder at college life and life in the city I had chosen. But always there, either under the surface, or close to it, was a growing realization that my life was a charade. I was not interested in the things that my friends were, girls and drinking and things like that. I was attracted to fashion, makeup, hairstyles, all the things the girls in my classes talked about. I must admit that I was also beginning to pay more and more attention to the boys in class; this one was cute, that one had a very nice body, another one was easy to talk with, and on and on. And when I noticed girls, it was either that I was jealous that they were attracting the boys, or that I was envious of their body, clothes, etc. I had not yet realized the fact that I was letting my true feelings come to light.
To be honest, I was not a physical specimen of the male form anyway. At 5'6" and 115 pounds, I was less than the average "big man on campus" but that in itself did not bother me. Never cursed with body hair (fuzz was more like it) and with a light complexion and blonde hair, I had never been the "hairy male" in gym class. No, I was exactly what I was, and if I had to describe myself physically, I was "feminine" in nature.
By second semester I decided a part time job was the thing to help out with my spending money crunch, and I found a job as a counter person at a laundry on the first floor of an apartment building not far from school. I soon discovered a whole new world of possibilities as I checked in womens clothes and underwear. Things were always going lost between the store and the laundry anyway, so the occasional loss of a pair of panties, a bra, even a skirt or blouse was not unusual and blamed on being mislabled. Never did they try to correct the source of error, they just re imbursed the customer the fair value for the item lost. In that way I soon had a pair of sexy black bikini panties, a black bra that fit me like a glove, black stockings, and a black garter belt. I hid them in my dresser in my dorm room and managed to wear them under my clothes on daily basis. The feel of the smooth silk next to my skin as I went thru my daily routine kept me in a constant state of excitement, and I couldn't wait for the opportunity to add a dress and heels to the outfit.
I shaved my body one day in the communal shower in the dorm, when everyone else was at class or asleep. There wasn't really much shaving necessary, and I was glad of that, only the light fuzz on my legs. The rest of my body was smooth without having to do anything at all. I let my hair grow long that semester and kept it in a pony tail. It was the only outward sign of my awakening sexual realignment.
In the middle of second semester I met and began hanging out with two members of Lambda Society, the Gay and Lesbian group on campus. I didn't do it to express a statement, I did it because I liked their company and we had the same interests in movies and music and art and they were fun to be with. I didn't join Lambda, but by associating with them I became looked upon by some members of the student body as one of the fags. It didn't bother me, at this point I wasn't sure if I was a fag or not, I only knew my feminine feelings were becoming stronger day by day and that I was comfortable with Jay and Curt. We went everywhere together, to the movies, to have pizza, and for long walks along the lake. As our friendship grew we began sharing more and more with each other and finally I told them about my awakening femininity, my experiences in high school, and my longing to explore this side of me. And they shared with me that three members of Lambda were transvestites and would surely welcome a fourth "sister". I jumped at the chance to meet them.
Lambda was not a recognized campus organization because of their sexual identities. So they didn't have a fraternity/sorority house as such. It was also not a large organization, so they met once a week at different locations, primarily where upperclassmen had apartments. I went to a meeting which was held in the apartment of two senior lesbians about 6 blocks off campus. It was a very interesting meeting, with about 8 people present and after introductions, we sat around and talked, drank, and smoked. It was a very cozy group and I felt at home immediately. I met Amanda, a senior, who had been dressing for the past 6 years and was very out about it. She should have been, she was the perfect "girl" and to be honest when I was first introduced, I couldn't tell that "she" was "he" until he spoke. The transformation was incredible and I told her that my wildest dreams would come true if I could look like her. She invited me to a "lipstick lesbian party" with one of her friends on Saturday and promised to help transform me into the girl I wanted to be.
I managed to "shop" that week at the laundry and by Saturday I had completed my outfit with a red mini skirt and white silk blouse. Of course they fit perfectly since I had spent almost all my time alone in the laundry searching and trying on anything that looked interesting.
"Welcome" Amanda greeted me as she ushered me into her apartment, a large flat with a kitchen at one end and a bath at the other. Typical college housing it was not, and since I had lived in a crowded dorm for 6 months now, it seemed hugh to me. She introduced me to Tracy, a stunning looking brunette, about 5'9" tall with long slender legs highlighted by the black mini skirt she was wearing. Her hair was done in a page boy cut.
"Hi" I replied as I stared at Tracy, not sure if she was a he or not. Sure didn't look like it to me.
"Bring your clothes" she asked. "Yes, in the bag" I replied and opened it to show her the things I had brought with me. "Oh this will do nicely" Amanda said and began laying out my clothes on the couch.
"Now, in the bathroom with you and we'll begin fixing you up. Get out of those yucky clothes." And with that, the evening began. Amanda's bathroom had a large mirror on one wall, with a low table running the length of it, in front of the table was a small dressing stool, and she instructed me to sit there, and dress. I pulled the silk panties on first one leg then the other., and Amanda, slipped on the bra, fastening it tightly in back. It was tight enough to create the effect of cleavage as it squeezed my chest in front. Then she unfastened the rubber band which tied up my pony tail and brushed my hair for what seemed like ten minutes before applying a light coat of hair spray on it. The effect of the long, straight hair was striking , and as I gazed in the mirror I could already see the change taking place. I was starting to really look like a girl.
Tracy helped me apply a pale pink lip base and then a gloss, out lining the edges in a darker shade to make them look fuller. On to the eyes where she taught me the secrets of applying eye shadow, then mascara and curl to my lashes giving them a dark sultry look. We worked with tweezers to pluck hair from my eyebrows until they were thin and then darkened them with an eyebrow pencil.
"And now to complete the metamorphosis" Amanda said "let's see those nails".
She then instructed me in the art of applying a pink (always match your nails with your lipstick she told me) nail polish, first to my toes, and then more carefully to my finger nails. I was in heaven. Never before had I felt this excitement and the ritual of transforming from a boy to a girl caused a wave of sexual excitement, resulting in an erection which showed even tho I was siting with my legs crossed.
"Well now" Tracy remarked when she saw my arousal "we cant have that thing poking out in front, giving you away", and with that she showed me how to "tuck" to avoid anyone detecting my secret. It was a bit painful at first, but her expert fingers guided me thru the steps and soon the pain disappeared and my crotch was as flat as a girls.
I fastened the garter belt around my waist, pulled the hose on, and clipped the straps to the tops of the hose, adjusting the straps to pull the hose up tight. Standing to pull on the skirt, I couldn't help but notice what a sexy looking girl I had become. As I buttoned the blouse over my bra, Amanda pulled my hair back tight over my ears and made a higher, tighter pony tail, securing it with a barrette.
Amanda searched in her closet and produced a pair of black open toe heels which I slipped on my nylon clad feet. A bit unsteady, but in time I got used to walking in the 4 inch heels.
I was completely transformed into a girl in looks only. I would practice walking, sitting, standing, crossing my legs, uncrossing my legs, handling a cigarette, and all it took to really act like a girl, for weeks before I started to put away my male mannerisms. But for the first time since I had begun stealing away to dress in my neighbors clothes, I looked fantastically like a girl.
We sat in Amanda's living room, sipping white wine as we smoked and listened to music. I had never drunk wine before and it quickly relaxed me. The mood was also a factor as both Amanda and Tracy clued me in on the various aspects of posture, etc. The movements became mannerisms and I felt my manhood slipping away as I mastered the art of "acting" like a girl. Amanda and Tracy had already done that, and even to the practiced eye they exhibited all the traits of a girl. They were graceful.
"Enough of the lessons" Tracy finally remarked "let's relax" and with that she moved to me on the sofa and slid her arm around my shoulders and Amanda sat down opposite us in a chair.
Tracy moved her mouth to mine, engulfing it with her lips. As I felt her mouth on mine I opened my lips to let her tongue play into it. I had never been kissed, by a boy or a girl, and the effect was like an electric current pulsing thru my body. My penis, firmly tucked away, became hard, and the pain reminded me that something was still down there. Moving my arms up to encircle her neck, I kissed back, the passion building as we clung to each other and I enjoyed my first ever kiss. Instinctively now, my hands played along the lines of her neck and I thrust my tongue in and out of her mouth as she brought her hands together in the small of my back to pull me closer to her.
It all felt so natural to me, and my instincts took charge of my body as I lay back against the couch and let Tracy play the role of aggressor. I was in heaven, or a state near there, as her hands played over my body in constant motion. She gently pushed me back on the couch and forced my legs apart with her knees to lay on top of me. Her lips returned to mine and her tongue continued to probe my open mouth, past my teeth and all round the inside until it felt like she was going to put it in my throat. I was rock hard now, and I could feel Tracy's maleness pressing into my crotch as she shifted more and more of her weight onto me. She let out a low moan, and I couldn't help but join in.
"Come on you two" Amanda exclaimed "enough on the couch already, let's party in bed" and with that she helped me to my feet and the three of us made our way to the bedroom. Amanda had a large bed, Queensize I believe, and we flopped down on it, me on my back, Tracy to the left of me and Amanda to the right. Turning on our sides to face each other Tracy and I resumed our love making as Amanda snuggled up behind me, her hands pulling my butt against her front. Tracy soon forced my legs apart with her knee and brought leg up and into my crouch. I clamped my legs around it as she began to massage my tucked away penis with the front of her thigh. Shifting and turning for the next few minutes we were soon out of our skirts and tops, and spread out on the bed clad in panties, hose, and bras. I lay on my back as both Tracy and Amanda let their hands roam over my body and Amanda now brought her mouth to cover mine, thrusting her tongue into my willing mouth.
Tracy worked her hand between my legs and massaged my hardened penis and tight ball sack. She tugged at my panties and as I instinctively arched my butt off the bed she pulled them down past my knees and off my legs. Spreading my legs, she dropped her face to my crotch and I felt her warm lips play across the head of my penis before she opened them and took the head into her mouth. The feeling was pure pleasure and passion and I pressed my mouth hard against Amanda's as our tongues dueled inside. Tracy now had my entire penis in her mouth and I could feel her soft wetness as she slid up and down the length of it.
Within seconds extreme passion overcame me, and I felt the spasms and then the release of my first orgasm in her mouth. It felt like a lot of cum to me and I wondered how she would take all of my ejaculation without gagging. She didn't make a sound, and as the spurting tapered off it was obvious that she had taken the entire orgasm into her mouth and swallowed it. I could feel, but not see, her tongue licking what was left from my still half hard member.
"Wanna give me some of that" Amanda asked, removing her tongue from my mouth. "Yes, I'd love to" I replied, wanting to but not sure I could do it.
Amanda lay back and pulled her panties off. As she spread her legs for me, her penis popped up. It appeared to be about the same size as mine, some 6 inches, well proportioned with a pink head that captured my facination immediately as I imagined what it would feel like to have it in my mouth. I had seen other boy's penis' ,of course, but never this close and the thought of what I was about to do made it even more fascinating. Would I like it? Was I queer enough to go thru with this? I mean I had known my feminine feelings for a few years now, and I had found myself attracted to boys over the last year, but I honestly didn't know if I was queer enough to act out my fantasies.
I moved over to her, kissing her stomach as my hand touched, then grasped her rigid penis. I let my tongue play down to her pubic hairs and licked all round her patch as I slowly moved my hand up and down the length of her dick. I wasn't sure what to do next, and sensing my hesitation, she reached down and guided herself to my mouth. I opened my lips and fit the head in, closing my lips tightly around it. The taste was electrifying as the first drops of moisture oozed from the head, and I opened wider to take more of it in until it was in the back of my mouth and I gagged. I pulled out slowly and began to slide up and down the shaft, imitating what I thought Tracy must have done to me. It was awkward at first, but my mind raced with the thoughts of what I was finally doing and I was soon caught up in the passion that I have since come to know as sucking cock. I had answered my one lingering doubt about myself. I was definitely queer enough to do this, and the feeling of pure ecstacy overcame me as I continued to suck Amanda's rock hard dick.
Tracy, meantime, was paying attention to my backside and pulled me up onto my knees as I continued to slide Amanda in and out of my mouth. She had me in a doggy style position and I felt her fingers probing the tight ring of my anus. I was so engrossed in the sensation of giving my first ever blow job that it was hard to be aware of what she was doing. Until I felt the first pain as she forced her penis in me. It was excruciating and I almost bit Amanda's dick as my mouth involuntarily reacted to it. "Easy, don't hurt her" Amanda instructed, but Tracy kept her cock in me. Trying to keep my mind from the pain, I focused all my concentration on the delightful sensation in my mouth, and before long I could feel the pain subside a bit as my muscles relaxed around Tracy's shaft.
In a few minutes the pain was gone, replaced by the most wonderful feeling of Tracy's cock sliding into me until her pubic hair pressed against my cheeks. I don't know how I took her, but I did, and she filled me completely, pausing to hold herself in me, then withdrawing slowing until the head was just poised on the inside. I thought I was going to climax again right there, as a wave of passion swept over me and I became aware of the stimulation for the first time. "Oh baby, here it comes" Amanda moaned as she jacked the base of her shaft. I had maybe half of her in my mouth and I almost panicked at the thought of what was coming next. I enjoyed sucking, no doubt, but what would I do when she came? What should I do, pull off and let her cum on me or stay like I was and let it go into my mouth? Tracy had taken it all into her mouth and swallowed it, could I do the same? Would I gag, or worse throw up? All these thoughts raced thru my mind as Amanda's approaching orgasm came closer.
In the end I didn't have to decide. My natural instincts took charge and I was on auto pilot as I felt the first high pressure pulse of her love juice spray into my mouth. Redoubling my efforts, I let the entire load collect there as I continued to ride her shaft with my mouth. There was no thinking, no decision to be made. It felt natural, and wonderful to take the thick salty tasting liquid onto my tongue and let the action of Amanda's dick head force it into the back of my mouth and into my waiting throat. I wasn't aware that I was swallowing it, again it was so natural that it just happened, and somehow instinctively I handled it all with out the least bit of reaction.
About the time Amanda's spurts slowed to a trickle, I felt a warmth inside my ass as Tracy ejaculated into me. I was stretched by now, completely open to her, and as the wetness of her orgasm lubricated me I felt no pain at all all as she pumped her load deep inside me.
Exhausted, Tracy and Amanda lay back and I lay between them. My hands instinctively went to their limp cocks and I massaged them as we all took a much needed break. They were spent, and as we cuddled on the bed, my mind was unable to focus on much. The feelings now were pure satisfaction, but my mind would conjur up the details later and I would replay my first encounter for days to come.
"That was great" Amanda sighed "where did you learn to do that"?
"Here" I replied "this was my first time".
"God, you're a natural. I did it in high school, but you're as good as me. Isn't she Tracy"?
"I cant believe it's your first time" Tracy exclaimed "you were so good. She'll be a real hit at Trexler wont she Amanda"?
"Trexler"? I questioned.
"Yes" Amanda explained "Trexler hall, second floor mensroom. The third stall has a glory hole in it. Boys come there to be sucked, they stick their dicks thru the hole and we suck them off. There's always activity there with gays and queens providing the entertainment for them".
"And some professors" Tracy added "they visit too. Some are dreamy".
"Yes, they're more mature than the boys, and sometimes they have other, more private, places to take you. You can meet some interesting people there. And since it stays open late it's a place boys go all the time, day and night."
"And during exams" Tracy replied "they go there to relieve the tension of cramming for exams. I've had a dozen in one day during exams".
"Something about a glory hole" Amanda went on "the straight guys don't think twice about sticking their dick in your mouth thru a hole. I guess it's all so anonymous to them that they don't have any hangup about doing queers that way".
"Yes, it's anonymous to them, but I've recognized some of them and when I see them again in class I almost cream to think that I've sucked them off" Tracy purred. "You wouldn't believe some of the football players and BMOC I've been with there".
"But they know they did you"? I questioned.
"They know Tracy and me" Amanda explained "because we're "out" on campus. But most of the gays are more discreet. That's another thing you will learn, the queens are "out" and most people know it. The gays are mostly closetted, but there are more of them. If you associate with Tracy and me publicly they'll know about you too. So you should think about that before you decide what you're going to do."
"Well, I'm not sure, but I'm pretty sure. I feel so natural as a girl, I don't think I want to lock my identity up any more".
Amanda let me leave my clothes in her apartment which helped because I had absolutely no privacy in the dorm. I left my hair as Amanda had done it, but dressed in my street clothes for my walk back to campus.
As I walked along that night I couldn't help but be amazed at all that had occurred tonight. I had kissed and been kissed for the first time. Sucked cock and swallowed cum for the first time. And of course, as the lingering twinge of soreness in my ass reminded me, I had experienced the ultimate satisfaction as a girl - I had been fucked.
My mind was made up that night. I was going to live every minute I could with me true feelings and desires. I was going to be a girl. As Amanda said - A Campus Queen.
To be continued
The authoress can be contacted at lesli99@hotmail.com