Well, here it is, Part four. Yeah... lol. Anyway, I want to thank everyone that has e-mailed about this story. There has been more than I thought and that makes me really happy. All the usual stuff applies here and all, so don't forget that I don't really know `Nsync. (It's OK, I forget sometimes too. hehe) Alright, on with the story.
Let The Sun Fall Part Four ~Christopher
"It is about time you got up! I would hate to see you turn into Rip van Winkle or something." Tony tried his best to get JC to laugh, but he accepted the wayward smile he was given.
"I haven't been asleep that long!" JC said sarcastically as he fell down next to Tony. He lay his head on Tony's shoulder and turned to see what Tony was watching. "So, what are we doing today?" JC asked sarcastically, trying to break the silence.
"Whatever you want to do... whatever will make you smile." Tony turned his head to JC. JC looked up from his shoulder and smiled. Before he knew it, he slowly leaned up and kissed Tony's cheek.
"Thank you, for everything. You know, I love you right? I don't want... anything," Tony knew he was talking about the things now, Justin. "I don't want anything to make it seem different. Because, it was never different to me." JC smiled and Tony, who was almost ready to cry at that.
"Josh, you don't have to say thank you. You know I love you too, and I want to help. Which is why, you should think about going back." Tony said it like he had suggested JC run down to the store, and JC knew it wouldn't be the only suggestive advice Tony would give him. In fact, it already wasn't the only suggestive advice Tony had given him.
"Tony, it's a lot harder than that. I," JC was cut off by Tony's soft, and unfortunately for JC, rational voice.
"And it's only going to get harder. Who said stuff like this was easy. It's not. You know it, I know it. Josh, you can run forever. They always say you can't, but the truth is you can. But you don't want to live like that, I know you, I know what you want. You had to go to that group for a reason," Tony said thinking about when Josh left, really when Tony left JC so he could go. He thought about all the reasons JC said he had to go, and he knew they were all still there. "You still need that group. More so now than you did back then. They are all you've ever known, and singing is the only thing you will ever do and be so in love with it. Most people would kill to do what they love, to want to work, to want to spend time with four other people that make up their world, and you get paid very generously for it." He looked at JC, who had gotten off Tony's shoulder and sat at the edge of the couch, his head downcast. "I know things got hard, hell, they started out hard and then they just got worse. After everything we've been through, I know where you are." JC looked up, that on some level, that was his fault, that it was meant for him because he left, he made Tony leave.
"Tony, I know..." Tony's voice cut through once more.
"I know where you are, and I know that you deserve more than that... so much more than that. And I'm sorry that this is coming from me, and you want to hear it from someone else, not just Justin, but the other guys too. I know. But they aren't ever going to get to say the things that you want them to unless they can see you again. You don't want to go back, but can you really stay away?" JC sat thinking about what Tony said, Tony gave him a lot to think about. He knew he wanted to go back. He had been thinking, ever since it happened that he wished things could just go back. Even if everything was bottled up... as long as THAT had never happened, it would be OK then.
"So, what are we all doing tonight? I'm tired of clubbing and drinking and all... we've done that enough this week," Chris joked as him and the other guys sat around.
"Well, how about we watch a movie or something? We haven't just sat around and vegged out this whole tour. I miss that!" Joey sat, using any excuse to order food, he was starving, and if that meant a night of everyone fighting because no one would agree on a movie, he would sacrifice it.
"Yeah, that sounds good. My movie knowledge is seriously lacking. I've missed so much." Justin sat on the bed, playing his new PlayStation 2, hoping he would have the night to see some new releases.
"OK then, Lance, JC, that cool with you guys?" Joey said, already getting up to call room service. Lance made some sort of positive acknowledgment, but no one heard anything from Josh.
"C, is that OK with you?" Joey said again, picking up the phone, not even looking at JC. Still no answer.
"You Josh!" Justin sat pausing his game. JC looked at Justin, and then back out the window he had been gazing out of, then back to Justin.
"Yeah, sorry. Um, that's fine with me. Whatever you guys want. I'm... I need to take a shower and all. I've been kinda lazy today. I'll be back in a little while." And with that, JC was gone.
"You guys, I'm starting to worry about Josh." Justin said, turning off the game as soon as JC was out the door. "He's been `lazy' a lot lately, and that dazing off thing, what's up with that? He never used to zone out like that, not to the point where he could only hear a yell." Justin fell back on the bed once the game was put up and stared at the ceiling.
"Well," Chris started. "The tour always takes a lot out of us, and JC has been doing other stuff on top of this. He has a right to be tired, I don't blame him for that." Chris didn't really know what was bothering JC, JC was always pretty private, but that would have been his best guess.
"I guess... I dunno. It's not just that, he never talks to me anymore. Anytime he talks to me is just when he talks to you guys... that's the biggest insult I've ever been given." Justin said adding some humor into the silent room.
"Hey! I resemble that remark." Joey said crossing his heads over his chest.
"Joey, don't you mean you resent... nevermind. You were right." Lance said, giving Chris, Justin, and himself a little laugh.
"But seriously guys, what if... what if something is really wrong and we miss it? I don't want to be the one that missed all the signs that something's not right?" Chris, Joey, and Lance all looked at each other and burst out laughing.
"God, Curly, you sound like a freakin' LifeTime movie. `Don't miss the signs of something wrong' blah, blah, blah." Chris continued to laugh as Justin sat up.
"I know, I'm just trying to help." Justin said sighing. "I'll be right back." Justin headed off while the other three fought over the movie.
`I know that something is wrong. He's my best friend, we just know stuff like this. I'll confront him. That is what I'll do. That way, he'll have to tell me. Like he could ever say no to me.' Justin smiled as he thought about all the memories of himself and JC that popped into his mind. Justin knocked on JC's door, but didn't wait for an answer. He was sure JC had made it to the shower by now, he was just going to go in and wait. He knew he had to say something away from the guys. That was his only chance of finding out what was wrong. As he walked in, he heard the radio playing softly through the bathroom doors.
Till my body is dust, Till my soul is no more, I will love you... love you.
Till the sun starts to cry, And the moon turns to rust, I will love you... love you.
But I need to know, Will you stay for all time, Forever and a day. And I'll give my heart, Till the end of all time, Forever and a day.
Till the storms fill my eyes, And we touch the last time, I will love you... love you. I will love you... love you.
Justin could hear the melody come out of the speakers, but his ears were on the man's voice that song behind the soft piano rifts and the angelic voice. It was JC. His voice was low and quiet, but Justin heard it distinctively and he also heard... tears in his voice.
"I really need to stop listening to these depressing songs. There are just a little too much." JC smiled at himself as he spoke to the reflection in front of him. He had finished getting dressed and grabbed his stuff and exited the bathroom, humming. He was shocked to find Justin sitting on his bed. "Justin... hey. You didn't have to come over here. I know my way back and thanks anyway, but I don't need any help getting dressed." JC joked, like he always did with Justin to stop himself from saying something stupid. It, apparently, never worked.
"Josh, I'm going to be blunt because I'm worried. What is wrong with you?" Justin said, finally looking up. His eyes were watery, and that left JC even more confused.
"Justin, what are you talking about..." He was caught off as Justin went on.
"Don't give me that. I have never once seen you cry. Never. I heard you in that bathroom, singing that song. You were crying. That is not like you. You are always the `rock'. We come to you for support. And now I find you here, alone in your room crying. That ain't right. Talk to me. Please." Justin's voice was pleading and he had long ago got up from his seat and stood in front of Josh. Josh had thought this moment might come, especially after talking with Lance three months earlier. He had all these scenarios in his head, but as Justin stood there, he couldn't think of any of the things he had rehearsed to say. Instead, he instinctively got defensive.
"How would you know what is `like me'? You don't know me that well." JC said, turning from Justin as he started to put his clothes away.
"Don't know you that well, whatever. I've known you for eight years, you are my best friend. I know everything about you. Except this. And I just want to help." Justin's tears had started, but JC knew nothing he would say would help them stop. A lie, the truth, it would all hurt.
"Well, I hate to tell you but there is a lot of stuff about me you don't know. There are things about me you just wouldn't understand. I have a whole side of me that you know nothing about, even if you think you do. I have thoughts and feelings and ideas that have nothing to do with the image of me everyone has. So, you can just..." JC stopped when he heard Justin's voice come low and soft.
"Jace, I dunno exactly what you are talking about, but I think I know. If you mean..." Justin didn't quite know how to say it. It had been so long since he ever had to say this out loud. "If you mean about you being... you know, gay. I know. I knew about you and Tony." Justin said looking up at JC. That had to have been what JC was talking about, right? `A whole other side, things you don't know,' what else could he mean.
"Wha... what?" JC stood there stunned. Where had that come from?
"I, um, I know about you and Tony. When you and him were together." Justin decided to go and explain since JC had that look on his face. "Before we started, I overheard some stuff you and him were talking about. After I heard you and him, I thought about it and it made sense. The things you and him did and said kinda showed it if you looked closely." Justin stopped and stood in silence when JC didn't say anything. "Is that what's wrong? Is it Tony? Or like..." Justin tried to make it sound like he was comfortable with this whole thing. "Or is it like you being gay? Or what? I can help you if you let me. I dunno a lot about all this but," Justin stopped when JC sighed.
"What the hell are you talking about! No, you can't help. I never even said it had anything to do with that and Tony and..." JC still couldn't believe that Justin had known for almost eight years. And he never once said anything. How can that be? "I... I can't have this discussion with you." JC pulled the zipper to his bag shut and started to walk out.
"Wait." Justin said grabbing JC's arm. "You can't leave. So, there is something wrong? What? Tell me. I wanna help fix it. You haven't said anything to me besides pleasantries and everyone gets those. I like to think that I deserve better than that. I like to think that I mean more to you than..."
"Don't you see. That's just it." JC yelled as he looked at Justin in disbelief. "You think you are so smart and you figured me and Tony out and all that... you never once saw that... you never once caught on that I think you are better than that, than anything." JC started going back to what Justin had just said so he could try to get it out. He hadn't meant to share his feelings, but eight years being bottled up had left him weary and too tired of hiding. "You never realized that of course you mean more to me than that, and that's the problem." Justin was finally starting to realize what the big deal was. "Don't you see? I like you so much... I like you a lot more than I should. Hell, I've been in love with you since we left for Europe the first time. I left school, my family, my friends, Tony," JC looked up at Justin. "Everything, and yeah, part of it was for the chance to make it, to sing. But you... I never knew why, and I still don't but God! I feel all these things for you. I would follow you anywhere, I practically have. And now..." JC didn't have anything left to say, and somehow, during that whole speech, he was mere inches from Justin's face. `When had he gotten so close?' JC thought as he looked into Justin's eyes. "And now you know, and you..." JC stopped as he hands found Justin's cheeks. His head somehow tilted, and only god knows how he started moving closer, but a second later and his lips were on Justin's, he nose brushing Justin's cheeks, his hands making there way to rest on Justin's waist.
JC slowly moved his lips up and down on Justin's mouth, kissing him gently, not believing that he had gotten so close that he had actually said all those things, and had... but then it was over.
"JC, wait... I'm... I," Justin stepped back, and looked as though he was about to cry. "I'm sorry, I just..." Justin said trembling. JC had kissed him. Josh... had kissed him.
"It's alright. That was... amazing." JC said smiling as he stepped closer to Justin. "I spent so many nights dreaming about these moments, when I finally tell you how I felt and you..." JC kept smiling as his hand went back up to Justin's cheek. "I love you so much." JC went to lean in again, but Justin stopped.
"Josh... you know I love you... but not... I'm not, I mean, I know you are and all, but," Justin looked at JC, praying he would get the clue. There was no way he could say the words. JC caught on though.
"Oh... I figured, I mean, yeah I knew, I just, I'm sorry. I..." JC ran his hands through his hair and sighed. Justin stood there shifting from foot to foot. "Justin can we simply for get all this, I mean..." Justin looked at him shocked.
"Josh, you're in love with me?" Justin asked, more for clarification than anything. JC nodded, knowing there was no reason to lie now. Justin nodded with him before backing up to the door. "Wow, this, this changes everything." JC would have said something, but he looked at Justin and knew Justin was talking to himself. Which was good in JC's eyes, he would know how Justin really felt. And he knew, he saw the fear in Justin's eyes, the disbelief in his voice, the coldness of his eyes when they lingered to his own. "Wow, we should probably get back. They might start worrying about us and I wouldn't want them to think..." Just stopped himself when he thought about where his mind was taking him. He looked at JC. "Sorry." JC nodded and let his head fall.
"Justin..." JC's voice came out as a plea, and a silent question. He was asking for Justin to not leave. He was asking Justin to fix this, to leave as friends or something. He knew Justin got the plea to. He looked up at those eyes and knew Justin got the question. And he also knew Justin's answer when Justin turned around... and walked out.
After that, JC packed his things and left quietly.
"How can I go back to that?" JC asked, already thinking of what going back meant.
TBC?
- Alright, this took awhile I know, but I haven't gotten too much e-mail for it and all until recently (well, I got two e-mails asking for it) so I took that as enough for me. lol Um... the next chapter will be JC coming back (yeah, i'll go ahead and tell you he comes back) but things are not going to be like some of the e-mails are asking for... sorry but I write the way I write and I write whatever idea I think will go better in the end. I look ahead a lot so if I go in one way, be sure I know where it's heading, so hopefully so o the people will understand. (You don't understand, I got one e-mail saying that I should do it one way and there was no if, and, or buts about it. lol) I just wanted to clear that up. Well, enough of me talking. E-mail me about the story or what not, talk to ya laters!