This is the latest addition to the chronicles of Kevin. If you want a clearer understanding about how Kevin and Allan met and what happened between them, first read the story, Allan's New College Freedom. But I have tried to give enough basic information within the story to be read independently. Allan is mostly autobiographical, but Kevin is with this addition more than 90% fictional. I really did have a roommate in college like Kevin, especially as described in the first four parts of New College Freedom.
My stories never mention protected sex unless integral to the story. In real life, Always use condoms and get tested regularly.
This story is a work of fiction, and contains explicit, sexual content between adults. If this upsets or offends you, then do not read this story. If it is illegal to read this material where you live, then do not read it!
This story is published in the Nifty Archives under their normal agreements, but it remains the property of the author and must not be republished elsewhere without the author's permission.
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Letter to a College Roommate (1 of 9) By: AllanNKnox
- Kevin wants to reconnect with Allan years after they were college roommates -
Dear Allan,
It has been 22 years since we were college roommates, and even though I am not sure I will ever be able to send this to you, I am writing to say that I am sorry for the way I treated you back then. And this need to apologize has been with me through and growing in the last few years. I said things back then that I deeply regret like, "only fags suck dick" and crap like that, when I was the one who wanted it so desperately and asked you for it. Even so, you were kind and seemed genuinely concerned for me. You treated me as a real friend, and I repaid that with selfishness and the "silent-treatment" when I didn't get my way. So, I wanted you to know that I have always regretted these things and hope you can forgive me.
I want you to know that events in my life have developed in such a way that I can now look back over my life, see the mistakes I have made and understand the impact my life and actions have had on other people. In fact, there is a series of events recently that has brought everything into clearer focus for me, but I will tell you more about that later if I get the chance. Let me start by explaining some things and catching you up on what has happened in my life since our time as college roommates.
I have never been very handsome, but in high school everyone told me I had a great body. One girl even called me "lithe" if you can believe that. But to get to the point, my body was my best asset. So, I wore snug-fitting jeans to show off my ass, thighs, and ample bulge in front; and I wore snug T-shirts or took off my shirt at every opportunity. Girls paid attention, and I even noticed some guys looking as well. And a few of them were guys who pretended not to steal glances of me naked in the showers after gym classes. I understood why, because even in my early teens I was bigger "down there" than almost all the guys in my class. Despite that, I was always very shy and usually tongue-tied around girls, adults, and most especially around Jocks and other "cool people" in school. Because I wanted desperately to run in their circles, I tried out for different team sports in high school to try to become more cool, but I either didn't make the team or mostly sat on the bench.
My desire to be a "cool jock" is what got me into the situation I told you about where I let a huge-hung senior jock who was about to graduate get his nut in my butt. What I didn't tell you and couldn't admit at the time was that after the initial pain of being fucked by his monster dick gave way to numbness, it started slowly feeling better. And it felt especially good when, close to the end of it, he long-dicked me. He pulled almost all the way out and plunging all the way back in, several times, right before he shot his load. I also didn't tell you that when he made that last plunge to plant his cum deep inside me, it also pushed me over the top and I came without even touching my dick. I was shocked by the fact that I came like that and I was worried because I enjoyed it so much. But after it was over and for a long time afterward, I only remembered the pain, the betrayal, and of course, the shame.
After that evening, I became sullen and angry, especially after he broke his promises to me. And I became more than a little self-centered, using girls and occasionally a willing guy for my own pleasure and not giving a damn about them and their feelings. I became a charter member of the 4-F Club (Find em, Feel em, Fuck em, and Forget em). To say the least, my "relationships" didn't usually last beyond one "date." So yes, when I got to college, while I had mellowed a little by then, I was still a selfish prick. And I am sorry that I showed that ugly side of me to you.
Another thing I didn't tell you was that when you fucked me and made me cum before you turned me over and came in me, THAT was the most intense and enjoyable sexual experience I had ever had! You were so attentive and gentle with me, and you seemed to put my feelings and pleasure before your own. It was great and it left me wanting more of that kind of sex, but I just could not admit it to you, or even to myself. And I was more than a little afraid that I was starting to like you too much.
I was very confused because I liked having sex with girls and wanted a family someday, but I was just beginning to realize how much I liked sex with guys too. Having grown up on a farm outside of a small mountain town with more churches than businesses, being Queer, which includes bisexuality, was the absolute worst thing for a guy. Oddly enough, there were two unmarried women who owned and worked a farm on the other side of town who were suspected of being a lesbian couple. But they were quietly accepted, perhaps in part because it was rumored that they occasionally "played" with men, two-on-one. And it didn't hurt that one of them was a very tall ex-military woman who could be absolutely dangerous when she was pissed off.
After the night you and I fucked, there was a war going on inside my head between wanting to have more of the good kind of sex with you (the kind that was better than just getting off in another person), and the well engrained straight bravado that only allowed sex with other guys if you used them as a cum-dump and then only when a female sex partner was not available (or you couldn't afford pay for one). That is why when I fucked you the next night, I was in such a hurry to cum and then went right to bed. I was trying to live up to (or down to) those long-engrained straight expectations.
Later, I wanted to apologize to you but did not know how, so I just asked if you would let me fuck you again. When you responded by asking if I would let you fuck me too, I really wanted to say yes, but my head was simply not in a place where I could give into my desire. I was crushed by your refusal but knew it was my own damn fault. I even tried to get you turned on again by starting up my striptease in the room again. I caught you looking a few times, but you didn't say or do anything, so I didn't either. Showing off my body had always got me what I wanted before, but not that time. After that, I went round-robin between anger that you refused me, self-loathing mixed with relief that you refused me, and with shame, not only because I wanted queer sex with you, but also that I had hurt and used you.
As finals week approached, I needed good final exam scores, but I couldn't concentrate. I tried everything, including beating off more often to relieve the tension and stress, but that didn't work. I went home for Christmas break not knowing if I passed those exams or not. What I did know was that I was depressed. Being home helped some, but when I had the opportunity to see an old girlfriend from before the jock incident and have sex with her, I just could not go through with it. We went out to eat, caught up, and had fun, but then I called it a night and went home early. I just didn't feel up to having sex with her. Part of the problem was that I was still obsessively beating off several times a day. And most of those times, I could not get off unless I thought of what we did together.
When our family got together for Christmas, I saw my gay Cousin Joe. There was no opportunity for us to sneak off for a suck session as was our usual practice in high school. And when he asked if I wanted to "get together" later, I said maybe and that I would let him know. But we did find enough privacy for him to tell me about something that happened right before he left for college. He said that he had an opportunity to exact a bit of revenge on Demetri, the guy whose nickname was Meat, the monster hung senior jock I told you about and mentioned above.
Joe did not have the time to give me the details, but what he did tell me sounded preposterous. Joe said that he seduced Meat with the promise that he could suck his huge dick right down to the root, and thus maneuvered Meat into a situation that ended with Joe sliding his big dick into Meat's ass... and Meat loved it so much that he begged for more. Now, Joe's dick is as long as mine and a bit thicker. So it should have hurt Meat IF that really was his first time getting fucked. Or perhaps Meat has a higher threshold for pain? It was also another surprise for me because apparently, Joe is not a total bottom like I thought.
After the Christmas family festivities were over, I spent a lot of time alone, thinking about things. I had almost decided that when we got back to campus, I would tell you that I wanted us to fuck each other as often as we could manage, but only if it would remain our secret, no one else could know about it. Then my grades arrived in the mail.
I had one B, two Cs, and three Ds and the B was in Phys-Ed. My Dad hit the roof, saying, "I am not paying good money for college if you can't make decent grades." My Dad was the only Master Electrician in the northern half of our county, and he helped my maternal Grandparents on their farm where we lived. I was shocked into silence by his level of anger. I couldn't say anything, which only made him angrier. Mom asked us both to sleep on it before making any decisions, so everything was deathly quiet until breakfast the next morning.
At the end of the meal, Dad brought up the subject of my grades again saying, "Do you think you can bring those Ds up to a C or better next term?" I shrugged and said, "I don't know." My lack of positivity angered him again, so he made a decision, "Okay then, you will call up the college and tell them you are dropping out and arrange for someone to meet us at the dorm Sunday around 3pm to get your things. Then we will talk about your options, like going to a Trade School." Mom was not happy because she wanted me to go to college since nether they or my older brother and sister had attended.
When I was in our dorm room, I remembered how we left things and realized that I might never get the chance to apologize or make things right with you. I thought of leaving you a note, but I was afraid that someone else would find and read it, so I just gathered the last of my things and left. I was sad, but things were out of my hands at that point.
I had never thought of what I would do with my life beyond some vague thoughts, like: have fun, make money, get married, and have children. Up to then, I simply took the path of least resistance. But since my parents mentioned it, I started to think of going to a Trade School and what I might train for there.
On the way back from getting the rest of my stuff from the dorm, Dad made me an offer. He would get me into a top-rated Trade School to study to become an Electrician, and like college, he would pay for anything that we couldn't find grants to pay for. The school would find me an apprenticeship and when that was over in four years, if I wanted, I could come home and work with him in his business, where he could help me work toward becoming a Master Electrician, like him.
To help me decide, he offered to let me work with him that week as a helper, so I did. At the end of the week, he said I did good work and even paid me the going rate for a helper. He also said that he pulled some strings and got me in a good trade school in Louiston a two-hour drive from home. The next 12-month electrician's program was to begin in 2 weeks, so he asked if that is what I wanted to do. Since I enjoyed working with him that week, I said, "Yes, I'd like that."
Part 2 of Letter to a College Roommate is cumming...
--------------------------------------------------------------------- If you enjoy this, Donate to Nifty, and check out the other Chronicles of Kevin stories:
Cousin Joe Loves Dick (the first story about Kevin) https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/rural/cousin-joe-loves-dick
Porked By "Meat" (Kevin tells how his anal virginity was taken, referred to in the Cousin Joe story) https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/porked-by-meat
Joe's Revenge on "Meat" (Cousin Joe tells about getting revenge on Kevin's virginity stealer) https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/highschool/joes-revenge-on-meat
Allan's New College Freedom (Allan tells about rooming with Kevin) https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/college/allans-new-college-freedom/
--------------------------------------------------------------------- Positive comments and suggestions are always welcome. AllanNKnox Allan@Grassyvalley.us ---------------------------------------------------------------------