CELEBRITY/Boy-Bands Letters(1/1)
Disclaimer: This story is a work of Fiction. It is not meant to reflect the true sexuality/behaviour/opinions of any member of the Backstreet Boys or N Sync or anyone else mentioned within. Lyrics quoted are Copyright Zomba Enterprises Inc written by JC Chasez/Jolyon Skinner/Veit Renn from the song "Selfish".
Author's Note: Feedback is welcomed and appreciated. Inquiries about my other fiction can also be obtained by emailing the author at nicksxtacy@sympatico.ca
Letters
Justin sat alone in his room the pen barely having left the paper in over an hour. As soon as he'd put the finishing touches on the first letter, he'd began the second - the one he'd dreaded writing for so long. He knew if he didn't do it all at once then it would probably never get done. It was time, and he knew it, though he wasn't sure if it was too late. Sighing, Justin began to re-read the letter, making sure he'd said exactly what he had to say perfectly. He had to say the words out loud just to make sure they'd sound okay.
"Baby I can't understand why it didn't work the way it was supposed to. You know I gave it my all and I'm thankful for the time we had. You were so much to me, you were there when I needed nothing else than to feel normal, to feel like the average teen - to feel loved. You helped me step out of the spotlight and with you I could be myself. Except, that's who I thought I was - but it wasn't really me."
The emotionally fatigued Justin struggled to hold back the tears that had been building inside before continuing to read to himself the sentiments he'd tried so hard to ignore for so long. " But babe, the hurt never went away, and although I tried to pretend, it's still there- maybe even stronger than before. I can't do this anymore, I can't lie to myself and to you. It's not fair to either of us. You deserve to be with someone who can give you the love you need and deserve and honestly, I deserve to be true to myself - despite the consequences" Justin took a deep breath as he finished reading the letter, signed it and put it into the envelope before he could change his mind. Quickly checking his reflection in the mirror and drying a tear that had managed to slip down his cheek, Justin left his suite and headed down the hall, two letters in hand.
At the opposite end of the hall, Nick was re-reading a letter that he himself had been writing for over an hour. He, however was having a much more difficult time controlling the tears from streaming down his face. It was the hardest thing he'd ever done, deciding to end the one relationship that had been able to make him happy in so long. When Brian had left him to "do the right thing" and marry Leighanne, Nick had sworn to never fall in love again. Well. part of him knew that would never happen, but he never intended to fall so quickly and to fall so hard. For so long Brian had been his mentor, his teacher, his guiding light - until he'd broken his heart. Nick had turned to Justin as a source of distraction. It had all started pretty innocently, shooting hoops, drinking, clubbing. until Nick realised that he was over Brian and Justin had been the cause for that. Now Nick was drowning in his sorrow, cursing the world that had caused him so much pain yet again. Letting go of Justin was going to be difficult, Nick knew, but he couldn't deal with being number two much longer, and Nick needed to get out now, before Justin did to him exactly what Brian had. Wiping his sleeve across his face in an attempt to dry the tears and clear his vision, Nick gazed over the last paragraph of his letter, reading it aloud as if to make sure it was real.
" Baby, you showed me a love I never thought possible after I lost Brian; but I won't let the same happen to me again, I don't think I could bear that pain. You know I love you with all of my heart Justin, but you can't have both. You can't just have me when it's convenient for you. You know I'd do anything for you Just but sometimes I feel that you're always putting everything else before me. Don't get me wrong J, I know you love me. I truly believe it and I love you too, but you can't have us both. I'm sorry to sound selfish, but the kind of love I'm offering you, is exclusive, and I need the same in return. I'm going to make the decision easy for you, because I know your career comes before anything, so I'm going to back off and let you live the life that's obviously more important to you. Maybe I'm being selfish -but so are you, and I'm doing this because I love you too much to allow both of us to continue to live this pain. Remember that I love you, and always will. Always, Nick."
The young man carefully folded the letter and sealed it within an envelope, silently debating whether to deliver it in person, or just slip it under Justin's door. While he was considering his options, a soft knock at his hotel door brought Nick out of his internal battle. Without checking first, Nick opened the door, expecting to see Billy or one of the other bodyguards on the other side checking to make sure he was alright. The sight before him caused his heart to skip a beat as Justin stood at his door looking equally flustered.
"Nick, I. I need to give you something" Justin could barely make eye contact with Nick as he stood holding out an envelope towards his lover.
"Ummm. yeah, I actually have a letter for you too." Nick thrust his own envelope into Justin's trembling hand as he grabbed for the one Justin was handing to him. Both men just stood at the door staring at each other until Nick couldn't take it anymore.
"Well, ummm thanks, I guess.ummm." Nick felt a need to run into Justin's arms and beg him to love him, and to be his one and only love, but he couldn't. If he was ever going to be completely happy, he needed to let go. He wished he could get on his knees and beg Justin to realise what they could have together, but he listened to his mind over his heart.
"Nicky.." Justin couldn't bare to look at Nick like this, and he needed to go, yet he couldn't seem to get his feet to move from their spot outside Nick's door.
"Justin, I can't.." with the last of his emotional strength he could muster, Nick shut the door abruptly, before collapsing into a heap at the foot of the door, silently sobbing. One simple sentence escaped his trembling lips, "I love you so much Justin".
A few moments later, Nick had dragged himself to his bed and lay sprawled over the sheets, toying with the edges of the letter from Justin, still not ready to read what it had to say. The sound of his cell phone ringing caused Nick to jump, and then reach across to where his phone was ringing away on the other side of the bed.
"Hello?" it was barely above a whisper but Justin could almost see the expression on Nick's face from the one word. The thought of Nick's puppy dog pout was enough to give him the nerve to do what he needed to.
"Nick.it's me. Did you read my letter?"
"No, J. not yet. Have you. well, read mine?"
"No. I need to do something first Nicky. Please, just please listen to me." the pleading in Justin's voice didn't help the fact that Nick could never say no to the younger boy. There was no doubt in Nick's mind. no matter how selfish, Justin would always be a fond memory in his heart.
"I'm listening J."
"Nicky. please, just open the envelope, and follow along.k?" Before Nick could realise what was happening. Nick was being serenaded over the phone. The song, was one he had never heard before, and he strained to hear the words.so he quickly tore open the envelope and soon realised the words being sung to him were exactly what was written on the page before him. Nick listened, and read. amazed as always by Justin's voice.and afraid to breathe.afraid he'd miss one sweet note that was coming through the phone.
"I just don't understand Why you're running from a good man baby Why you wanna turn your back on love Why you already givin up.
I know you've been hurt before But I swear I'll give you so much more I swear I'll never let you down Cuz I swear its you that I adore And I can't help myself babe 'cause I think about ya constantly And my heart get so stressed over you
You can call me selfish But all I want is your love You can call me hopeless baby Hopelessly in love You can call me unperfect But who's perfect? Tell me what do I gotta do To prove that I'm the only one for you What's wrong with being selfish?"
With careful steps, and without caring that the tears were once again freely falling down his cheeks, Nick stepped out of his room and made his way down the hall, still clutching the phone to his ear and the letter to his heart as he listened to Justin say the words he'd never thought he'd hear.
"I'll be takin up your time Till the day I make you realize That for you there could be no one else I've just gotta have you for myself Baby I would take good care of you No matter what it is you're going through I'll be there for you when you're in need Baby believe in me Cuz if love is a crime Then punish me I would die for you Cuz I don't want to love without you What can I do?
You can call me selfish But all I want is your love You can call me hopeless baby Hopelessly in love You can call me unperfect But who's perfect? Tell me what do I gotta do To prove that I'm the only one for you What's wrong with being selfish?"
As Justin took a breath before finishing the song, he could hear the faint sound of Nicky sniffling as if he was crying.
"Nicky.."
Justin was greeted with nothing but the sound of Nick's quiet whimpers, causing himself to begin to cry as well. He'd lost his Nicky. He'd waited too long to say what Nick needed to hear, and now he'd lost him.
"Nicky."
"Justin open the door"
Justin practically ran to his hotel door and threw it open to find a sobbing Nick standing with his arms wide open.
"Nick. I'm sorr."
"Oh Justin, I love you."
"I love you too Nicky. I love ONLY you and I want to be only yours forever."
"Justin.does that mean."
"Yes baby, it's over. From now, it's just you and me. Forever" As he watched the smile come over his lover's face, Justin pulled Nick into a tight hug and into his room, shutting the door behind them. Nick looked into Justin's bright blue eyes, and realised that there was no way he could ever live without this man.
"I know you read it Just. I'm sorry for calling you selfish in my letter."
"What's wrong with being selfish?."
Nick snuggled against Justin's shoulder as he felt Justin kiss the top of his head. The two began a slow dance as Justin once again serenaded Nick with the song he'd written for his angel. Somewhere during the song, the two ended up curled around each other on the couch , Nick holding Justin in his arms, looking down at him like he was the only other person on the face of the earth . The words coming from Justin's pretty lips finding their way directly to the core of Nick's soul, mending all the pain that had lived there for so long.
".selfishly I'm in love with you."
Sitting alone in her room, reading the letter her boyfriend .well ex-boyfriend had slipped under the door, Britney didn't know whether she was sad or angry, but what bothered her the most was that she had known it was coming. She had always known Justin wasn't as involved in their relationship but she had foolishly hoped that someday he'd really love her. She wanted to hate him for it, but deep down she knew where his heart really belonged and she only wished there was someway she could have changed that. Shaking her head at her reflection, she just muttered to herself, "but wanting him back. that's just selfish."
The End.