Life at Last

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Nonetheless I was still struggling with the ethical part of the equation. Why did it have to be so hard? Why could love not be just something easy? Probably because if it was easy, we wouldn't appreciate the full extend of what we achieved. Kevin had taught me from the very start at the store to make decisions, being confident and control whatever situation came up. Wasn't it best to show him I had learned the lesson? I maybe couldn't control the situation a hundred percent, as I didn't know his feelings for sure. But all the rest I could control.

I switched off the lights and went to my bedroom after showering. I slipped between the sheets and said a silent good night to Kevin. I hugged my pillow imagining it was Kevin's body and drifted off to sleep.

I had finally found out his real age. We were not having such a great difference: 11 years. I estimated him older, but I guess that was because he acted to mature and was, in my eyes, the perfect embodiment of a real man. We had almost the same height and I guessed the same weight. Where my hair was dirty blond, Kevin's was jet black with some premature grey at the temples. I had always stubble of a few days where Kevin was always perfectly clean-shaven. I was hairy on chest, arms and legs and from our Sunday runs I knew Kevin had hairy legs. I guessed his chest was hairy as well as sometimes, when he didn't wear a tie, I could see some hairs just above the collar of his T-shirt or through the opening of his unbuttoned shirt. His smile was always bright and sincere and he often smiled more with his eyes than with his lips. He had a penetrating look and I felt like he was looking straight into my soul. I didn't mind, as I wanted to be an open book for him. I just crossed my fingers that he was an avid reader.

Our daily job went as smooth as can be. Each day it was more and more obvious that we ended each other's phrases. We were really on the same wavelength. He was my teacher and I his pupil after all. Some times Kevin tested me when there was a particular situation that asked for our attention. I knew when he was testing me because he would always put the end of his pencil between his teeth and ask me how I would handle the setting, being it a problem with the stock, the taxes or a question of personnel. I always took my time to think about it before answering. Nine times out of ten I would come up with the right answer. The tenth time would be because we had different opinions about the problem and we discussed it till we reached a consensus.

The biggest discussion we had was when the head of the accountant department came to see us. The figures of the shop were really good and he said that if we didn't do anything about it, we would end paying quite a lot of taxes. He suggested doing some investments, even if they were risky ones. In short, the profits were too high in comparison to the costs. Kevin came up with a series of ideas such as augmenting the stock, augmenting the personnel, installing new shelves or even changing the complete computer system. I didn't see it like that. The flow of the stock was good. The personnel was happy and worked hard, but without over-doing it. Our computer program was giving us a total satisfaction. My idea of investment was probably riskier, but would keep the taxes down not for one year, but for several years! My idea was to open a second store.

That frightened Kevin a little. We talked about it for hours in a row. I realized I was pushing Kevin out of his comfort-zone. He was managing the store very well and didn't see the need to change it. I saw it as a unique opportunity to expand and make our name better known. I had heard of several of our biggest clients that they had problems with the fact we were in the industrial zone outside town on the northern part. Quite a lot of them had dockyards at the other side of town and lost quite some time coming over to get what they needed. Ok, our store was providing to some big companies, but also to private people and our department of DIY was representing about forty percent of our total sales. Some people didn't mind to cross town to get their tools or materials, but I guessed that quite some people at the other side of town preferred to buy in smaller stores and often paid a lot of money more just to avoid the traffic to reach our store. I asked our accountant at what time the supplementary costs had to be made in order to bring down our taxes. He told me the end of accountancy year was due in three months time. That didn't give us much time to make up our minds.

I saw that Kevin was stressing on the subject. It was absolutely necessary to have him in a relaxed state to make the final decision. I knew I could take the decision out of his hands, as I was the owner, but I wanted it to be a joined decision. I also had to ask Ken and Angela about it, but as usual they said they trusted me to do the best. Ken didn't really care about the business. Angela looked at it in a different way.

• Before you make up your mind, she said, you should know exactly where you stand. I mean that you should have THE conversation with Kevin. If you start a new adventure with him he has the right to be in a position where there are no secrets between the two of you. You tell me you are pushing him out of his comfort-zoneÉ If you do so, it would be better to go all the way. I am sure he would be a lot more relaxed if you take a certain weight off of his shoulders.

I didn't want to mix up work and private life. But she was right, once again. If Kevin was more relaxed, he would probably be keener to make the right decision and I had not a lot of time to make this happen. That night, I took a piece of paper and a pencil. I divided the sheet in two vertically. On top of the left column I wrote "Pro" and in the left column I wrote "Contra". I started to write down what I thought was a benefit to the company in the Pro column and the risks in the Contra one. When Angela looked over my shoulder about an hour later, she suggested doing the same about THE conversation with Kevin. I thought it was a good idea and took a second sheet of paper dividing it in two like I had done with the first one. After another hour I was still struggling to fill in both columns. Angela looked at the sheet, took the pencil out of my hands and wrote in big capital letters the word "LOVE" in the Pro column and the word "MISERY" in the Contra one. She then gave me a kiss on my forehead and went back to her business. I had to find a way to talk to Kevin!

On the Friday evening, Kevin asked if we were still on for the Sunday run. I confirmed it. He even suggested running towards the lake and, if the weather allowed it, to have a swim before we would run back. We used to have our run fairly early in the morning and even though I thought the water would be freezing cold, I accepted. On Sunday morning Kevin came up to my house and was apparently in a very good mood. He wore his small nylon running shorts, a T-shirt, his sneakers and had a towel around his neck. I just supposed he had some swimming gear underneath. I was dressed the same and after warming up our muscles, we were soon on the way to the lake. For us, running was a pleasure, not a physical exercise to be completely tired and out of breath. We always set a good pace without over-doing it. When the lake was in sight, we were both sweating profusely and our T-shirts clung to our bodies. Town Hall had done quite some good work and developed an artificial beach. As it was still early, there was almost no one in sight. We took off our sneakers, T-shirts and running shorts and left them on the beach with our towels. We had not agreed upon anything, but we were both wearing Speedos. Mine was red and Kevin's turquoise blue. We ran into the water and wear gasping for air, as it was a lot colder than what we had thought. Nonetheless, we swam a good distance and were quite tired upon our return to the beach. We lay down on the beach, on our towels, catching our breath and letting the sun dry us.

It was a peaceful moment, if it wasn't that I was so damned aware of Kevin's almost naked body next to me. It was the first time I saw him in such a state of being undressed. Although the water had been really cold, the bulge in his Speedos didn't leave anything to the imagination. He was soft, but it was impressive al along. I also saw his naked chest for the first time and he was hairy! I wanted to reach over and caress him, playing with the hair on his chest and even kiss his erect nipples. I was checking him out, thinking I was discreet, but in the corner of my eye I could notice he was doing the same thing. When my eyes wandered down again I saw a distinct difference in his Speedos.

• You like what you see, I asked him, or is it just a reaction to the contrast of the cold water?

Kevin immediately shifted on his towel and covered his crotch. He didn't answer and even seemed embarrassed. The sight of his hardening cock in his Speedos had an obvious effect on me and my cock wasn't flaccid either. The only difference was that I didn't try to hide it.

• Kevin, I said, I think it is time for us to have some serious talk.

He looked at me quizzically.

• Don't be so surprised, I said. You know perfectly well that this conversation was about to happen at one time or another.

Kevin was on his back, resting on his elbows, his crotch covered by the towel but not hiding anything. His quizzical look disappeared and was replaced by resignation. He sighed. I instinctively knew I had to go on, as I was sure he wouldn't say anything.

• Kevin, please, look at me.

He did.

• We interact on a daily basis at work, but today, we are here as friends, right?

He nodded, but there was still not a word coming out of his mouth.

• Since the day we first met, we have been growing to be friends, good friends, right?

He nodded again. It seemed it was not going to be easy, as he didn't say a word. Nonetheless, his look was straightforward and his eyes and mine were intensely connected. I just wanted to lean in and kiss him, but thought that it was maybe a little too forward. His stare was making me lose the general line of my thoughts and the speech I had prepared. Jeez, this was a lot harder than I thought and his silence didn't make it any easier. I suddenly lost all diplomacy and subtlety.

• Jeez Kevin, help me a little, will you? The main question is: are you gay? And if you are, do you have anyone special in your life?

He looked me even straighter in my eyes when he answered.

• Yes, to both questions!

The first yes overjoyed me, but the second one dimmed that joy instantly. He had someone special in his life! That drained all the hope out of me! In all these years he had been very discreet about it. He never mentioned the other person and I had never had even a glimpse of someone. How on earth had he done it? There! I had done it! I had asked him THE question and I was devastated. In a certain way, I was happy that I had not mentioned my feelings and so make a total fool of myself. What did I have to do now? I didn't know. It all felt awkward. I just wanted to be somewhere else. The man of my dreams was spread out in front of me. I wanted to touch him, but my values didn't allow me to. He had someone and I was certainly not going to come in between of them. Our friendship was far too precious for me.

I was about to stand up and put on my running gear, when I felt his hand on my arm.

• Yes, I am gay. And yes, I have someone very special in my life. I love him more than anything although I never told him. I don't want to pressure him and I guess I am also afraid of any kind of rejection. He is very good looking, intelligent, funny and smart and although he is younger than me, we connect really well. He never told me if he is gay. But, you asked me if I was gay. Are you Ramses?

• I never advertised it, but never hid it when asked directly. Yes Kevin, I am gay.

• And do you have someone special in your life?

• I am alone, I answered. There is someone in my life that I fancy a lot. No, scrap that. There is someone in my life that I love with all of my heart, but just like you, he doesn't know because I never told him.

His hand slipped a bit lower and finally he took my hand in his. I noticed he was nervous because his hand was moist, but there was nothing on earth that could make me let his hand go. If I remembered well, it was the first intimate touch we ever had. Ok, we shook hands at the office and things like that, but this was different. Kevin squeezed my hand and pulled on it. I was amazed at the demonstration of strength. He pulled that hard that I fell on top of him. Once we were chest against chest, he wrapped his arms around me, preventing me to stand up. Our faces were so close together that I felt his breath on my face. I would have given the world to kiss him, but I couldn't.

• You know Ramses? Kevin asked. That special person I have in my life is more than special. He is unique and I am about to tell him everything I have in my heart. But before I start to tell him that, I will have to know for sure. The only way to know is to kiss him.

And with that, his hand slipped from my back to my neck and he pulled me closer. Our lips met, tentatively at first but there was like an electric sparkle going from his lips to mine. He pulled me in a second time, a little bit more forceful. Our lips met again and I couldn't help it. I gave in, opening my mouth just a little. Kevin sensed it and his tongue immediately invaded my mouth. I was flabbergasted. I didn't see him as someone who would cheat on a boyfriend, even though that friend didn't know yet that Kevin loved him. But I had been waiting for that kiss so long that I couldn't do anything else than to respond to it. I would have time afterwards to apologize.

When we parted I lifted my head to look in his eyes again. I had never seen what I saw. The intense look he gave me was full of love. I started to wonder, but he was faster.

• That special person I have in my life Ramses is you. I won't say I fell in love the first day I met you, but yes, the second day it was. Every time I looked at you I was in awe. More then once I stayed in my seat and close enough to my desk so that my hard-on was not too visible. At first I thought it was lust, because even if you don't know, you are a very, VERY attractive guy. Over the months and years, I learned to know you, appreciate you, wanting you. I thought you were a dream that would never come true. After all, you are my boss.

I was not sure I could believe my own ears. Was he really telling me that he loved me? Was my own dream coming true? I looked in his eyes and knew right there and then that he was a hundred percent sincere. There was nobody else but me in his heart! I had a sudden rush of adrenaline running through my veins. I pulled my body onto his. Our hard-ons that had subsided during the conversation came back at the speed of light. Our bodies were pressed together for the first time and we were kissing with the energy of first-time lovers.

A guy walked by and made a comment.

• Get a room guys, this is a public beach and soon the kids will arrive!

There was no animosity in his voice, just making clear that the show we were giving was maybe not the most appropriate for a Sunday on a public beach. We disentangled and pulled on our running gear in a desperate attempt to hide the physical result of our inner feelings.

We ran back to the house, probably a little faster than when we ran to the lake. I thought that when we had declared to the other, we would take it slowly to get to the next stage or level of our friendship, but that was all bullshit now. I wanted to make love to and with Kevin. I wanted to be in him like I was sure he wanted to be in me. We would have a lot of exploration to do and learn how to please the other. I wanted to discover his body with my eyes, my hands, my lips and my tongue. I wanted to kiss and lick every single spot on his body and wanted to feel him do the same to me. I didn't want to wait. We had already lost enough time!

We were soaked in sweat when we reached the house. I pulled Kevin by the hand to my bedroom and slammed the door close. I didn't want to shower. I wanted to lick all of his sweat. With an uncommon frenzy we undressed each other and fell naked on the bed. Kevin was all over me and I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist. Our lips met again and we kissed like there was no tomorrow. I had never done that before, but when I started to lick his body, drinking his sweat, my head was spinning. I had had sex before, but this was different, totally different. I wondered if he let the same as I did. When his hands touched the slightest piece of skin it was as if there was heat emanating form his hands, transmitting it to my skin, wakening my nerves inside and sending jolts of electricity straight to the center of feelings in my brain. My brain translated those feelings and made me feel so damn well and alive. My nerves were in total overload and my heartbeat sped up to keep my body functioning according to his roaming hands.

It all seemed clumsy with our urges trying to satisfy all the bodily needs at the same time. I wanted to kiss and lick his whole body while feelings his lips and mouth on my over-heated body. I didn't have a lot of experience in making love, but my enthusiasm and determination made up for it. I didn't have a clue if Kevin was experienced or not, but the way he made me feel was more than enough for me. I was in heaven after waiting for this moment for months and even years. I didn't want this to stop, ever. I hadn't even touched his manhood yet and his hands were too busy in feeling my skin that he hadn't touched my nether regions either. Nonetheless I felt that familiar tingling in my lower abdomen that I recognized from when I was masturbating. Just the friction of our bodies together made me climax. I spurted a huge load between our stomachs and the throbbing of my cock sent a signal to Kevin who followed suit. It was a mind-blowing climax and I had to rest a few seconds to catch my breath and let my heartbeat come down to normal.

Kevin smiled at me.

• I guess we were ready for this, he said, but I certainly want a round two in a very, very near future!

We giggled like two teenagers. I got up and went to the bathroom for a wet washcloth and a towel. It was not that I was disgusted by our juices, but I knew that hairs and dried cum were not good friends. Neither of us went flaccid. I washed Kevin's stomach and dried him. I gave the head of his cock a little kiss and it jumped up. I washed and dried myself and let the washcloth and towel drop to the floor. I jumped back in bed and lay down next to Kevin. He was on his back and I lay down next to him on my left side and rested my head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around me. My hands roamed over his chest and I played with his chest hair, just as I had imagined I would do so many times.

I heard some noise in the hallway. I didn't know if it was Ken or Angela, but I instinctively pulled the sheet over our lower bodies. They had never seen my bedroom door closed and if it was Angela in the hallway, I knew her curiosity would be piqued and she would look in and that was exactly what happened. When she saw I was not alone in bed, she apologized and shut the door as quickly as she had opened it.

• I guess I will have to talk to her for a minute although I know she won't disapprove!

I got out of bed, pulled on the jeans that were on the chair next to me and looked for a second pair for Kevin. We went to the kitchen and Angela was making a fresh pot of coffee. I went over to her and wrapped my arms around her.

• Sorry Sis, I should have warned you when we came back from our run!

• Sorry? For what? Do you mean you're sorry for finally have admitted your feelings towards Kevin? I don't think there is any reason for that. I am so glad you both finally came to your senses. I was tired of that puppy-love-look on both your faces and doing nothing about it!

Kevin and I had a sheepish smile on our faces when looking at each other. Angela found it cute and amusing. I put my arm around Kevin's waist and he had an arm on my shoulder. I looked at him and kissed him softly on his lips. The sole idea he had only a pair of jeans on his body made me horny again and it was visible! We sat down on the barstools at the kitchen island so that it would be less obvious, but Angela had seen it although she didn't make any comment about it.

We had a lovely chat. Angela embarrassed me a little by telling Kevin how I had been all those months, but she did in goof faith. She actually tried to make it clear to Kevin that I really loved him and that it was not from today. Kevin really opened up to her and admitted his feelings were not new either. Angela made a simple statement.

• I know that Kevin!

He looked only half puzzled by her statement and she went on.

• The way you two are looking at each other doesn't leave anything to the imagination. It is crystal clear you have strong feelings for each other. I had to push my brother a little to open up to you and if I had had the slightest opportunity to talk to you in private Kevin, I would have told you exactly the same! But nonetheless, I knew there would come a time that you would both be ready and have THE conversation that would open your eyes. I am glad you finally did talk! I guess we will see you a bit more around now, isn't it Kevin?

• Only if there is unanimity among the three of you to have me around!

• Oh, don't worry about that. You already have the majority of votes as Ram will say yes and I do as well. Ken is so absorbed by his studies that he won't even notice.

• What is it I won't notice?

Ken had just entered the kitchen and had heard only the last sentence of our conversation.

• You won't notice if there is one more person around the house, Angela answered.

• Who?

• You see what I mean Kevin?

Then turning to Ken, she went on.

• Ken, are you blind or what? Haven't you ever seen that Ram and Kev (she really had a problem with more than one syllable in a first name!) are looking towards each other in a special way, trying desperately to hide their feelings towards each other?

• OhÉ That! Do you mean they finally came out to each other?

• Yes indeed, they have.

Ken surprised us all by going over to Kevin and giving him a kiss on his cheek, then coming over to and doing the same. He was not really the guy to show his emotions or feelings. I didn't even remember him ever giving me a kiss! I guessed he was all right with the news.

• Does that mean that when it is my turn to cook I have to make dinner for four instead of three?

• That is a probability, I said, depending on Kevin.

• Don't worry Ken, Kevin said, I don't eat that much and besidesÉ if I am going to be here a lot more, I guess it will be my turn to cook as well from time to time!

• É And do the dishes afterwards, Ken added.

• Are you coming to live with us then? Angela asked.

My God! Those two were going really fast! We had just admitted we loved each other and they were already planning us living together on a permanent basis! Our first kiss was only tow hours old and they seemed to see us married and all.

• Hey you two! I said. Hold your horses, please. We shared our first kiss less than two hours ago. We still have a lot to talk about and a lot to discover about each other! We won't go over a one-night-ice!

• That's bullshit Ram, Angela said. You know each other for years now and have mutual and reciprocal feelings for months if not years. I would be surprised you have a lot more to discover. Kev has been over for all the important events. Now your love is in the open and I think you two have lost enough time already. Don't worry, we'll help with the move.

• I'll help as well, Ken said, but wait at least till the exams are over. I still have a lot to study.

Kevin and I were both amused by their comments. They already saw us as a couple, an item. Their na•ve innocence was so beautiful.

Guys, I said, before Kevin and I decide to live openly as a gay couple, there are quite a few things we have to discuss. We work together. Don't forget it. There is an ethical aspect to consider!

• Oh, there you go again Ram, said Angela. I thought we had talked that over already!

And there she went, explaining to Kevin what her point of view was. For the first time Ken expressed his opinion openly.

• You are right Angela, but not everybody thinks the way you do. There is envy and jealousy in this world. Prejudice is a common thing with ninety percent of the people. There are disagreements everywhere. That why there is a huge necessity for good lawyers! I think Ramses is right. There are things to consider and even to have a plan about them for when they'll be confronted with it.

• Ok, she answered, but there no need either to put a big board in front of the house, telling that they are lovers!

• So, you want them to live a secret life? That won't work. Besides, even if they don't tell anybody they love each other, people will speculate about the fact they are always together. They will invent whatever crosses their mind to have something to tell. People have a natural need to feel they are interesting with the latest news around the block! And if they don't have the exact information, they'll blatantly lie about it.

Angela had to admit he had a point. In the neighborhood they would soon enough notice that Kevin's car was every day in the driveway if he lived with us. Although we didn't have to give any explanation, the questions would fuse in all directions in a very short time. We all remembered to well the comments after our parent's accident and the year after that. People were telling things that were not true at all. Even after my grandfather's heritage, some people were telling I had to deal drugs to be able to afford a BMW!

We dropped the subject for the moment. We were about to decide what we would have for lunch, but Kevin insisted to invite us all to the restaurant as to celebrate our coming out to each other.

• I thought you'd want to celebrate in another way, Ken said arching his eyebrows.

• They did that already, Angela said throwing all discretion in the wind.

• Oh! said Kevin, I guess a restaurant is ok then!

Kevin blushed deep red but smiled nonetheless.

When we came back from the restaurant, Ken went up to study and Angela went to hers. Kevin and I sat on the porch to the backyard.

• Quite a family you have Ramses, Kevin mentioned. It id the first time they are so open and talkative in my presence. Angela is the romantic one and Ken the pragmatic one. They are so different, but it is clear they love each other very much.

• Indeed they do! They have each their own personality, but would probably miss each other a lot if they were not living under the same roof. It is not that I don't love Ken, but I have a closer relationship with Angela. She is straightforward and doesn't hesitate to express her opinions. Ken is more reserved. When our parents died, Angela had no problems showing her feelings. Before my mother dies, she showed me how upset she was with my mother drinking herself to death. That's one of the reasons you will never see her drink any alcohol at all, not even a glass of Champagne when there is a celebration. Ken was probably equally upset, but he didn't show it. It was like he had resigned himself to a fact he couldn't change. But the basic education we all three received was from before our parents passed away. Those were happy times. This house was always full of laughter and happiness. I so wish those times come back, although it will never be the same again.

• Don't look in the past Ramses. Live your life in the present. Fond memories will come your way at the most unexpected moments. What happens today will become a memory tomorrow. Look at us! We have lived frustrations of not being able to touch each other during a very long time. Nonetheless, this waiting has brought us to today and we don't have to hide it anymore, at least not when we are together. But from today on, we have to know what we want. We know we love each other, right?

I nodded.

• Do you want us to live together like your sister is suggesting?

• I think so!

• Do you want us to have a relationship for all to know?

• Yes and no, I said, it all depends on us, and the consequences it can have on a professional basis. The business is running well and I am sure the majority of our personnel respects us. But would it be the same if they knew that we were actually an item?

• If it is really respect they have, that we are an item or not, will not change a thing. If it is a fake respect, it will matter, but then we have to think if that person is worth being part of our personnel. As for the providers, if they find out and don't agree with our lifestyle, I am sure there are hundreds of others that would be glad to take their place. But as your sister said, we are at the store to work and to fool around. I am sure there are already some people who suspect something. If your sister could see in our eyes we have feelings for each other, there are quite some chances other people saw it, too. There is no reason for us to change the way we interact with each other on a professional basis. Like you said: we don't have to advertise our being gay and together. If anyone has the guts to ask us straight in the face, we answer honestly and take it from there.

• I guess you are right, but nonetheless, it scares me a little. I guess I attach to much importance to what people will think about me or us. Angela pointed out to me the other day that I didn't know who is sleeping with who in our company. Therefor our personnel shouldn't wonder about us. After all, it is our life.

• If you are not sure about it, take a piece of paper and a pencil and write down the pros and the cons!

I laughed when he said that and went into the house as I had kept the one I made earlier. I showed it to Kevin. His comment was hilarious.

• I see you did your homework!

Yes, I had, but the equation was slightly different now, as we had opened up to each other. He read the paper carefully and asked who had written the words "Love" and "Misery". I told him and he had a smile on his face when he said he'd thought it.

• You know? he said, that people know that we are together won't change a thing. We know it! And that makes a huge difference. It is impossible to revert to the situation we had before we opened up. If people saw how we looked at each other although we didn't know it, imagine what they will see when we look at each other now. I don't think it will be possible to hide and, as a matter of fact, we shouldn't have to hide it anyway. It makes me think of the title of a book written by Gordon Merrick: "The Lord won't mind, there is enough hate in the world".

I couldn't agree more with him, butÉ There was always that "but" about what people would think. As well Angel as Kevin tried to convince me that I shouldn't think about what people thought, as I couldn't avoid it anyway, whatever I would do or say. Selfishness was no longer a flaw in this case. To be happy and in harmony with my environment, and myself, I had to think about myself in the first place. Ok, I wanted to be in harmony with Kevin and my close ones, too. But to be in harmony with others it was imperative to be ok with myself.

• You know, Kevin said, I have been dreaming about being with you like we are now. I love you and want a committed relationship with you. It will only be possible if you are ok with it. You have to accept the fact we are together despite of our professional occupation. If we are not in harmony, we won't be able to make it work. If it is really the professional side of the equation that is bothering you, I'm ready to quit my job, because our relationship is far more important to me. With my experience I know I'll find something else, but I won't find another person like you! If you want to think it over, I agree and I'll leave now to let you do it. Tell me when you are ready, and I'll be waiting for you.

As he finished his sentence, he got up and collected his keys and wallet. He gave me a little kiss on the lips and was out of the door. He had not reached his car yet and I was already missing him. I felt miserable to have let the situation come that far, almost chasing him out of my life. Angela had heard the starting engine of Kevin's car and came down running. She didn't find me immediately till she looked outside.

• What happened? Why did Kevin leave?

I told her our conversation.

• You know Ram, you deserve a slap in the face! I don't do it because I respect you and I love you, but you still deserve it. There is no way you will find someone like him. He is just perfect for you and you know it. On top of that you love each other and have been longing to be in each other's arms for quite some time. Why is it that you chase him away? This is so absurd!

• I know Sis, but I still have my doubts about the ethical approach of the whole thing. What will people think?

• To hell with what people think! She was almost shouting. Do you really think that "people" care about what you think about them? They don't care at all. They live their own lives no matter what you think about them.

She paused in desperation.

• Did what people think stop you when you were with Sam? No, you didn't. Why would it be different now?

• The difference is that Sam and I have the same age, we were just young and exploring! This is different because with Kevin we have a difference of eleven years and he is the manager of my store!

• Ok! He is eleven years older and knows that people will talk and he doesn't give a damn. The one who is in the most awkward position, eventually, is Kevin. People can think he seduced you so he could take advantage of your money and secure his job.

• Oh come on Sis, don't be silly. Nobody knows what kind of money we have and Kevin was in place before I even showed up.

• Exactly my point Ram! My God! Stop being stubborn and accept the fact you two are deeply in love. There is no doubt about that. Live YOUR life and do what YOU want. There is no use in living the life others expect from you, because they don't! Kevin said he would be waiting for you, and I was sure he would, but don't forget that tomorrow, or even tonight he can casually meet someone else and than you'll lose him forever!

Those were harsh words, but I knew she was right. I doubted very much that Kevin would just "casually" meet someone else tonight but I understood the metaphor. She was six years younger than me, but she had such a mature mind!

I went to bed, hating myself for having the thoughts I had. Hating myself for the way I acted. Hating myself for letting him go. I had to change my thoughts and be more positive. I had finally reached the point I had been dreaming about for months and years and was spoiling it with thoughts of people who didn't care in my life. That was so stupid. That was so not like me at all. I would talk to Kevin in the morning. I tried to find sleep by hugging the pillow Kevin's head had been on. It still faintly smelled of him. I had to keep my own life in my own hands!

The next morning I got up and showered, had some coffee and went to the store a little early as I knew that Kevin was always there before the opening of the store. I rushed in and almost ran to his office, but only saw an empty chair. Kevin was not there yet. I went through the procedure of opening the shop and Kevin was still not there. I started to worry seriously. I called his cell but it was disconnected. I became a nervous wreck in a matter of seconds and was sweating as if I had run a five-mile trip.

To be continued if you guys tell me you like the story. All comments welcome at amahy1957@gmail.com