It was chilly, no it was cold. Steve shivered as he walked across campus. His skin shriveled tight and his muscles shook.
Of course he had no choice. Shirts weren't allowed unless he was in class. Steve walked faster to get to that warm environment. Theology wasn't his favorite subject nor was the professor enlightening. His monotone lectures enabled those who hadn't slept the night before to doze and others to mentally wander anywhere else.
But that day was different. He longed to be inside the boring man's lecture hall, adorned with the shirt that currently hung out of his back pocket.
"Hey slaveboy" a cute girl smiled. He laughed. Jenny knew the magic marker words written on his chest and back were more then the result of hazing.
"SLAVE" the next voice wasn't as pleasant. Steve knew it. The Pledge master had called and he had to stop immediately, stare in front of him and endure whatever the future brother had to offer.
His bare chest expanded and his erect nipples ached.
"SLAVE YOU COLD?"
Steve knew what would happen if he admitted to the shivering body condition.
"NO SIR" he responded
"YOU LOOK COLD, SHOW ME"
Steve wanted to look around but dared not. He dropped his book bag and pulled the elastic band shorts out in front of him.
"LOOKS SHRIVELED. YOU ARE COLD SLAVE"
"NO SIR, I'M FINE SIR" Steve replied.
He had learned the night before what would happen if he admitted it. He had seen Sean, kneeling and being showered by the Fraternity Brothers. Despite being stripped to his jockey shorts and outside during he cold night, he knew not to admit it thanks to seeing Sean, a fellow inductee, condition.
"REPORT AFTER LECTURE SLAVE" the pledge master, apparently disappointed left.
Steve exhaled. He rubbed his shivering arms and quickly looked around. If any of his future brothers saw him, he'd be like Sean, warm but wet with the urine of available brothers. And they might do it in public which was even more embarrassing.
Of course having the words SLAVE written on his bare chest, back and buttocks was embarrassing enough. And wearing jams, flip flops and nothing else in public was equally embarrassing.
"You ok slaveboy?" Jenny reappeared.
"Yea, gotta get through this" he said resuming the walk to Theology Lecture.
"I don't understand why you of all people want to be in a Fraternity. I mean it's not like they're a bunch of guys like you." She said again, having protested before.
Steve knew the answer. He liked straight men and boys. They weren't always talking about being gay. And yet they loved the secret get-togethers he had already encountered.
"So you're interested in Pi?" Trevor Martin had said that night. Steve, Sean and others walked up and down the Fraternity and Sorority houses stopping here or there to consider which one they wanted to pledge for.
"I think so. I mean your guys are smart, athletic and do stuff in the city" He had said.
"So you like guys?" Trevor asked.
"I do" Steve said not caring if he were asked to leave. He knew Trevor and didn't fear the guy would start calling him names. And in fact, Steve had never tried to hide the fact he was gay.
"Well, no problem. We want guys with good grades, willing to do community things, a good brother in general." Trevor said.
The cock was thick and hard. Steve sucked until it spit out what he wanted. The tour ended in the basement.
"This is our private room. Guys come here to uh, you know get rid of being anxious" Trevor said "Nobody talks about it. And it's better then whacking off all the time or getting some campus girl pregnant"
Steve nodded. The room was pitch black except for the blue light. Trevor reached and turned it off. His hands rested on Steve's shoulders.
And he was soon kneeling in the darkness and feeling the cock against his lips.
"It's not that" he said to Jenny "It's belonging"
"Why not LAMBDA then?" she asked.
The campus recognized fraternity for gays was LAMBDA OMEGA. Steve had visited them. Sean wouldn't go in. He too was gay but didn't want to be out of the closet yet. Steve knew, Sean and he having a fling turned friendship. But Sean resorted to hetro jokes, behavior and even squired around a girl who he said was a girl friend.
"You know I'm not into all that gay stuff. No politics, fashion, decorating, hair styling...no offense but that's just not me" Steve said realizing he was once again bordering on insulting Jenny's brother.
"Yea yea yea, you'll learn. But PI? I mean those guys are so hetro it's embarrassing" she said.
"But you dated one" Steve reminded her.
"Yea don't remind me" Jenny "we could go together, I'd be your beard" she laughed.
"I like clean shaven dudes" Steve nudged her.
The room felt like an oven immediately immersing his bare skin. The shirt made his nipples rise to the sensation as it slid over his head and down his back hiding his wrinkled skin and magic marker.
"So it's PI then?" Sean had asked as they stumbled back to the dorm after consuming enough beer to impress the Fraternity members they had also leered at all evening.
"Yea for me" Steve said remembering the thick meat he had pushed down his throat far enough to gag a few times.
"Some hot guys" Sean said "and if we room together, nobody will know about us" he said.
"Cool, its PI then" Steve sighed. He and Sean, once wild sex exploring freshmen had become friends..sometimes friends with benefits. But better then that, they could talk about the men around them, ogle and share secrets.
And when one would indulge they could talk about it to the other too. Steve, however, didn't tell Sean about Trevor's cock or the secret room in the basement.
Sean learned about it himself during the initiation as the group of nearly naked pledges knelt in the basement, each taking their turn in the secret room. What they did there wasn't revealed but each entered and exited...and none of them were excused. They had passed whatever test they were given.
Steve wasn't surprised when his mouth was fucked in there for his test. After all he had been there before.
"BROTHERS TAKE CARE OF EACH OTHER" The Pledgemaster said before each pledge moved inside.
To Steve and Sean it was promise of things to come and a reassurance they had chosen the right Fraternity to pledge for.
The lecture went on and on. Steve typed notes onto his laptop trying to concentrate. Was he doing the right thing? Was he lying to the Fraternity, were they lying to him? Was he misleading Sean instead of urging him to relax about being gay if not come out of the closet?
He wasn't in high school any more where he kept the secret while sharing erotic habits with others under the guise they were just experimenting.
Sean wasn't as strong as he. After midnight discussions helped but the guy was still self doubting, scared what his parents would say, what anyone would think,
"Hey you with us?" Jenny nudged him. Others were packing up their laptops and notebooks. The Professor had disappeared.
"Oh shit" Steve said "I'm gonna be late"
He stripped off his shirt and stuffed his computer away. He saw others looking at him. Some smiled others laughed to each other.
He was on display. Actually, he didn't mind. Steve had always been a bit of a showoff. Even in homophobic high school, he would wear the smallest pair of Speedos he found.
He lifted weights long before the doctor said it was healthy. He swam daily, did pushups throughout the day, sit-ups in the morning and at night. It paid off. He had a nice shaped and toned body.
"Son you should go out for a team" the Phys Ed teachers constantly said seeing the athletic boy in their class.
It wasn't that Steve didn't like sports. He watched them, he swam, and he played basketball in the driveway and even debated football games with others.
But playing sports for high school seemed useless to him, though he fantasized about having sex in the locker room all the time.
"What are you late for?" Jenny rushed after him.
"Uh gotta go back to the house, pledge meeting" Steve said changing from a fast walk to a jog "see you later"
Jenny stopped in her tracks watching Steve's bare back move away. His round buttocks undulated. She wished she had never met him.
"Hi, I'm Jenny" it was she that extended her hand to the handsome freshman.
"Steve" he smiled politely.
"From Motley" she added. She thought she had seen him before.
Steve suddenly paid attention. He had purposely chosen a college far away from his hometown where he could be himself.
"Uh really? Paradise High?" he asked.
"No, Motley Cathedral" Jenny replied with her CatholicGirlsSchool name.
Steve sighed, relieved. "Oh great, used to see you girls in those uniforms all the time" he said.
Jenny smiled and winked "Like them did you? Kind of a guy thing I guess."
"Yea worked for Britney I guess" he said
"What about you?" Jenny flirted shamefully. She didn't care. The restrictions of her Catholic school and protective parents were thousands of miles away.
"It's ok, prefer the guys white shirts and grey trousers though" Steve heard himself come out of the closet in one response. He saw the girls immediately.
"Oh sorry, hey we can be great friends, being from that god forsaken town and all" he said
Jenny tried to recover without being embarrassed "That would be great. Hell we can still hang out" She said taking his hand and shaking it again.
Weeks passed before that happened.
He watched Steve's form move cross the grass toward the Greek Row as they called it. She felt like she was loosing her friend to the college system and without Steve she felt as alone as she did over a year ago as a freshman.
"Don't worry I'll find out" Steve had promised when some guy named Malone began to ask her on a date.
He became the brother she never had, protecting without smothering as her father had done in recent years.
She saw him with some others at the pizza dive and wave hello. Steve nodded back. They would never become friends she thought until he was suddenly standing next to her holding a plate of pizza slices.
"Sorry it's been weird getting used to ..." he said clearly in need of a friend from home. They sat together, talked, laughed and sealed the deal.
She kissed him on the cheek when Steve revealed he heard Malone wasn't really interested in a long term relationship. She dated the guy anyway but knew what he was about.
The dot had almost disappeared when another shirtless guy ran by her.
"Sorry Jen I'm late" Sean said running full speed towards the same destination Steve had gone.
"I sure can pick em" she said to nobody in particular. She met Sean at the pool. Friendly and funny. They chatted, talked about the guys at the pool. She should have known then he was gay.
"Woa, look at that one. Those Speedos barely hide anything." Sean exclaimed.
Jenny brightened "I know that one, but he's uh you know not interested in girls. We're friends"
"Can I meet him?" Sean asked with too much interest. Jenny knew she had another friend then.
Steve arrived and trotted around the back of the Frat house, ridding himself of his bookbag, t shirt and shorts. He grabbed a pair of pledge shorts as they were called. Actually they were jockey shorts with the PI symbol on the seat.
He knelt along side others who had arrived, noticing Sean wasn't there. Had he changed his mind? Would he have to be the only gay member now? Would some straight roommate out him before he was ready?
Sean was suddenly there, stripping off his shorts and pulling on the remaining pair of jockey shorts. Steve sighed with relief. They would get through this. They would be embarrassed. They would wear PI pins and share a room.
And each would occasionally visit brother's rooms or even the basement secret room to help their brothers.
Graduation was only a month away. Steve stood at the door meeting alumni visiting campus. It was his job as President to personally welcome each and every one of them and encourage their support.
He had learned the skill and used it well. The Frat house had a new pool, an addition built and a scholarship fund which Steve personally created.
The membership stood here and there in suits or school sweaters. Sean arrived and hugged Steve hello. Despite the LAMBA OMEGA pin on his lapel, he was welcomed there too.
It had been three years that seemed like a long weekend, full of activity but passed by too quickly.
So much had changed in his life. Steve felt the pat on his butt and turned. Johnny Macon smiled. They had been lovers for two years. Everybody knew. Nobody cared.
At first, there was objection to a brother being openly gay. Sean's rant one night had opened the issue and he quit. Steve objected to the members and the house President interjected urging Steve to stay.
That didn't stop the hetro humor or comments even gay jokes. But it was in fun not in ridicule. Steve liked his brothers. His secret activities remained private. Sean joined another Fraternity and they remained friends.
He learned to grow without abandoning the past.
"Behave" he said to Johnny who he met through his friend Jenny.
"OK if I introduce you, you won't throw him to the floor right?" She asked.
Steve saw Johnny's eyes widen when they met. He felt the electricity. He knew his promise wouldn't be kept.
And Jenny was glad it wasn't.
"Now I have a brother in law, instead of a friend or a date who didn't want to date" She said.
He liked being smiled at. He liked being noticed. He liked being loved. He liked being who he was.
When graduation would come, Steve knew that he had indeed graduated to whatever the future held.