Life So Hard By: advocatus diaboli
"If you think you can win, you can win. Faith is necessary to victory." - William Hazlitt
The first thing I remember thinking was "what the hell is that damned shrieking noise?" I took me a second for it to click in that it was my alarm clock. "Jesus!" I yelled as I jumped out of bed and turned the alarm off. I rubbed my eyes and looked at the clock. It said 6:30 am. Goddamnit, now that is definitely too early. I trudged over to my closet, grabbed my robe and headed for the washroom.
I cranked up the hot water and waited for the water to warm up. I stepped into the shower and adjusted the water until it was nice and comfortable. I could feel the heat from the water relaxing my tense muscles and waking me up. Like I've done a million times before, my hands worked their way down my body until they reached their target. They were busy at work for a minute or two until everything reached a satisfactory conclusion. Waves of pleasure resonated through me as I felt my knees weaken. While still slightly out of breath, I shampooed my hair, and did the other basic, general stuff that needs to be done.
I quickly dried off and made my way back to my room, with my robe on, of course. "Ah, you're awake. Breakfast will be ready at 7:15." Elizabeth said as she made her way downstairs, big smile on her face. I am by no means a morning person, so I have no idea how she could be cheerful. I opened my door and saw the clock said it was 7:00 am. Groaning, I got dressed and mulled around my room, keeping myself busy until breakfast was ready.
"Nervous about your first day?" Elizabeth asked me, as I was eating some toast.
"Eh." I grunted in reply.
"He isn't much of a morning person, Elizabeth." My Dad explained.
"Ah." Elizabeth said, whisking away our empty dishes. "We'll bring him over to the dark side soon enough, right James?"
"Oh, yes." My Dad replied, "He'll enjoy the mornings soon enough! I'm going to drive you to school today. It starts at 8:15 sharp, but you don't want to be late, so we'll be there for 8."
Elizabeth handed me a sheet of paper, "This is your school schedule." She explained. I looked it over, Math, English, History, Science and Geography. Pretty standard courses, nothing to bad. I had done most of this stuff last year, anyways. "Come'on. Time to go. Get your things." My Dad yelled to me, from the door.
I ran upstairs, grabbed my bookbag, tucked my schedule into my pocket and we headed out. Usually, on the first day of something, anything really, your worried something bad will happen. Well, luckily for me, it didn't. A little difficulty making my war around the school, yes, but nothing significant. Some of the teachers made me do that introduction crap. They made me stand up in front of the class and introduce myself. I can't stand that; it's no stupid.
Overall, not a bad first day. Dad said that I was walking home today. It's not really all that far, so it didn't bother me. It was only about a 10 minute walk, and today was another exceptionally pleasant (and warm) day. School let out at 2:30, so I was home by quarter to 3. As soon as I stepped into the house, Elizabeth rushed out of the laundry room and began the inquisition. I was subjected to such questions as "How were your classes?", "Did anyone bother you?", "Find everything ok?" The usual kind of questions. My favourite one was "Where there any hot girls in any of your classes?" With that one, I blushed and sheepishly replied, "I dunno, I never really noticed, or looked." She seems slightly surprised at this; I could see the shock in her face. It was only there for a moment before it morphed into her patented big smile. "Well, give it a few days. Those girls need time to digest the new knockout that's appeared at the school today."
I mumbled something along the lines of "sure" then commented on how I should get started on my reading for English. She nodded, releasing me from the inquisition and I trudged upstairs. Everyday was the same thing. She'd ask if I'd stolen any of the young ladies hearts yet, and I'd give an awkward "no" in reply. I think, worried, that she was starting to figure me out. I wasn't terrified though, because I got a vibe that she would be ok with me. I decided that I wouldn't tell her until she asked.
It only took me a few days to get into my loner routine. I'd go to class, sit in the back and not speak unless spoken to. At first, people would come up to me and try to talk, but once they realized I didn't want anything to do with them, they backed off. The novelty of "the new kid" wore off, it seems. Except one kid. His name was Brian, I think. He wasn't particularly tall, but not short either. He was a very normal kid. Not overweight, but not skinny. His hair was a scruffy brown and his eyes might be blue, I'm not sure.
Everyday, without fail, he'd try to strike up a conversation with me. He asked me a wide variety of questions, where I was from, where I wanted to go, about my family. At first, I gave him short, "non-answers" and deflect the question back to him. As he began to tell me all about himself, I began to really like what I heard. He seemed perfect. He was definitely cute, hot even, and funny, caring. I couldn't stop thinking about him. But, he was everything a girl was looking for. A girl. Something I clearly wasn't.
I'd sit in the cafeteria, by myself eating the lunch that Elizabeth would make for me. At first, I'd sit alone. Not that it bothered me, or anything. I'd usually just listen to my iPod and get lost in thought. I was surprised to see Brian join me for lunch one afternoon. It had been about three weeks since school started, and a few days since we actually started to "talk". I happened to be listening to "What I've Done" by Linkin Park when he sat down at the table, across from me. This is one of my favourite songs, so I was right into it. I know I have a crappy singing voice, so I was mouthing the words. He watched me for a second, and then said "'What I've Done' eh? You damn emo kid!" I paused it, locked the iPod and shoved it in my pocket. "I am not emo!" I said, defensively. "There's just some shit I want to forget."
"Ah, I see." Was the reply I got. "I see what you've been doing the last few days. Every time I ask you something personal, you manage to get me to spill all my guts, instead of you. Why?"
"Like I said, there's some shit I want to forget." I said, getting annoyed. I didn't even hear the bell ring, signalling everyone to back to class.
"You know, some of the shit I told you isn't exactly memorable either. Do you think I want to remember my parents divorcing when I was only 14? The constant yelling and screaming day after day."
I hung my head, "Sorry." I mumbled, "I just have been through a lot. I don't like talking about it."
"Dude, you can talk to me. Ok?" He patted my back, "Now let's get to English before Mrs. Hennessey losses it!"
We walked out of the cafeteria and headed towards the west portion of the school. I'm a pretty fast walker, but Brian must have been jogging or something, because I was having a hard time catching up. I began to jog after him. It didn't take long for my lung to begin to feel like they'd burst. The next few moments are a blur; I've never been able to remember what happened, properly. I felt a sharp pain tear its way through my chest. I stopped and clutched myself, as I felt my knees buckling. I reached into my pocket and grabbed my cellphone. "Wait! Help!" I yelled out to Brian. He ran back and grabbed me as I slammed into the lockers along the wall. He was holding onto me as I fell to the ground and blacked out.