DISCLAIMER: This story is a work of fiction. The characters are real people but are being written in fictional situations. This is not saying anything about the sexual orientation of anyone mentioned.
WARNING: This story deals with homosexual themes. If this offends you, don't read. If you are under 18 years of age, don't read. If reading this story causes you to break any laws, don't read.
FEEDBACK: We want to know what you think of it so... send us an email! Kelly's email is Kb79@aol.com. Fred's email is SaetanSaDiablo@aol.com. As most of you know by now, we are both friendly people who love to chat, so free to contact either of us at anytime.
QUICK NOTE: Thanks to those few who have sent emails, much appreciated, gives us a reason to actually keep writing the story.
DESPERATE PLEA: (This is from Kelly) I'm an avid reader also, but as of recently there are so few BSB stories, why is that? Any one have any ideas? Am I missing some, or have the fans all switched to *Nsync? So if nay one knows where they are hiding tell me, and KTBSPA! Thanx!
Life's Discoveries Chapter 3 By Fred and Kelly
Last time on Life's Discoveries....
"Okay, well, hmm, yeah I'm.." Nick stuttered.
Just then there was a knock on the door.
"Shit." Nick swore.
'Shit.' Kevin thought.
Nick stood up and went to answer the door. He nervously opened the door to see Howie standing there.
"Hey, Howie. What's up?" Nick asked shortly.
"I'm looking for Kevin, have you seen him? He wasn't in his room." Howie asked, still standing outside the room.
Nick opened up the door a little more to reveal the distraught Kevin sitting on the bed.
"Ohh." Howie said softly. "How are ya doing, Kev?"
Kevin looked Howie and shrugged.
"Was I interrupting anything?" Howie asked as Nick let him into the room.
"Nick was just going to..." Kevin began.
But Nick cut him short. "NO, it's all right. What's up, Howie?"
Nick held out his hand, indicating that Howie should sit down.
"I just finished talking to Lance." Howie began.
"Lance?" Kevin asked.
"Yeah, Lance Bass, remember we're friends." Howie said quickly.
"Oh, you, sorry, I'm not all with it at the moment." Kevin said softly, looking into his hands.
"It's all right, Kevin. I completely understand." Howie said as he came over to the older man and gave him a hug. "Well, almost."
"Thanks, Howie." Kevin said hugging his friend back. "Now, you were saying, you just finished talking to Lance? What about? What's up?"
Howie looked at Nick and raised his eyebrows.
"I haven't gotten around to telling him yet." Nick said, embarrassed.
"Tell me what?" Kevin asked with a little of his normal tone in his voice.
"Well, Kev, after breakfast this morning, Nick, AJ and I were talking we thought it might be good for you to have someone to talk to about all of this." Howie informed.
"About all of this?" Kevin asked, confused.
"About being gay, Kev." Nick said simply and to the point.
"About being gay?" Kevin wasn't appearing to understand it all any better.
"Yeah, I mean it might help to talk to someone who really understands what you are going through." Nick offered.
"Oh..." Kevin said a little sadly.
"Kevin, it's not like we're abandoning you." Nick said catching Kevin's reaction. "We just felt that Lance would be able to offer more of an understanding ear. I'm still gonna be here for you the whole time, and so are the guys."
"Yeah, Kevin. Don't worry." Howie said, also noticing the sadness that surrounded the group's eldest member.
"Wait, you have Lance Bass coming to talk to me? Why Lance?" Kevin felt a little better from his friend's comments, but the confusion was still there.
"Kev, Lance is gay." Howie said flatly.
"Really?" Kevin was quite surprised.
"Don't tell me you didn't know!" Nick was aghast, "Please, look at that hair of his! And his taste in clothes is impeccable, and he has no ego, he's sweet, kind, funny, slightly chubby and looks like he belongs in a kid magazine. He's a total stereotype." Nick joked.
"Nick, you just described yourself." Howie said with a light twinkle in his eye.
"Shut up you...you jerk-off!" Nick said very defensively.
"Guys, calm down." Kevin said weakly attempting to handle the two younger men as he usually did. "So what time does my new best friend come over?"
"He said eleven am tomorrow, barring his group doesn't give him too much of a hard time." Howie answered.
"Oh, great. Well, thanks guys, I guess. I figure they all know now too." Kevin sounded upset, not angry.
"Kev, its what's best, don't get upset. We're just trying to get this to work out for you. And Lance is a greet guy." Howie stated.
"Yeah, I guess." Kevin still seemed a little bummed.
Howie got up and gave Kevin another squeeze and then headed for the door. "I better go warn the other two."
Howie left and Nick sat down, right next to Kevin. Once again he held out his arms and Kevin snuggled into them.
"We're only doing this because we love you so much, Kev. No other reason, this is not a punishment. Maybe you and Lance will become friends." Nick said, 'But nothing else.' Was the thought that followed quickly. 'Where did THAT come from?' Nick asked himself silently.
"Thanks, Nicky. You are too good to me, man." Kevin said, yawning against the solid blond.
"You tired, Kevs?" Nick asked.
"Yeah, I'm thinking about a nap." Kevin answered softly.
"Want to sleep here? I'll stay with you." Nick asked, letting go of Kevin for a moment.
"Please?" Kevin pleaded softly.
"Sure, I could use a nap myself." Nick said as he pulled off the cover of his hotel bed down and patted the left side, encouraging Kevin to lay down.
Kevin complied. He stretched his tall frame out and then relaxed into a loose position on his side.
Nick lay down on his side so that the two were facing each other. He absentmindedly reached forward and smoothed a lock of Kevin's dark hair, his thumb trailing down Kevin's cheek when he was done.
Nick hadn't thought about any of the guys in a sexual or romantic way in years, not since he was younger and fancied himself in love with Brian. But now he was looking at Kevin, seeing such a different side to the older man he loved so platonically. And he saw someone who needed to be loved and taken care of. Someone who needed a shoulder to cry on just as much as he was the person who supplied these things. Nick felt needed and it felt good.
Kevin gave him a small smile once Nick's finger had left his cheek.
"I love you, Kev." Nick whispered, feeling his eyes get heavy.
Kevin's heart jumped into his throat. "I love you too, Nick." He barely choked out.
Nick closed his eyes and settled in. Kevin gathered his composure and did the same.
After a few minutes Kevin inched his hand over so that it was right next to Nick's. Nick sensed it there and wove his fingers around Kevin's so that they were holding hands. They fell asleep seconds later.
AJ had just heard Howie's news and was going for the final time to try and get Nick to change his mind. He approached the doors to Nick's room and thought about a way to persuade the younger man to confess to the rest of the group and in turn be the one to help Kevin through all of this.
AJ reached for the knob, he barely bothered to knock when it came to visiting Nick. He doubted the other guys even noticed, due to the fact that they kept it on the sly, but the two of them were very close. AJ was of course the first one to ever learn that Nick was gay and he was there for Nick through all the bullshit that came with growing up a gay teenager.
And when Nick had gotten a little older, it turned out he ended up a great person to go to whenever he was having problems with Amanda. Nick always had a fresh outlook on the situation and always offered the best way to get himself back in Amanda's good graces.
So, AJ didn't bother to knock, he just turned the knob and let himself in.
AJ walked into the room and realized that it was practically silent, he almost turned around and left but the bed in the corner caught his eye.
There he saw Nick and Kevin in bed together, both on opposite sides, fast asleep, but holding hands lightly.
AJ was mildly shocked at the site at first. But then he stood and took in the scene for a few minutes.
'Nick and Kevin...'
'Nick and Kevin...'
'Nick and Kevin!' AJ thought to himself. 'Why didn't I see it coming? Look at the two of them. They've always had a weird bond. I wonder if the two of them have a thing fore each other? They'd compliment each other perfectly. I just wonder how I can get them to realize it.'
AJ took one more look at the sleeping duo and then left the room.
'Time to play matchmaker!' AJ thought playfully as he headed toward his own room.
Knock, Knock
"Who is it?
"Brian it's me, Howie. Can I come it?" Howie asked.
"What do you want?" Brian's usually soft accent sounded rather harsh at Howie. Not a good sign. That only happened when he was either totally angry or completely down.
"I want to talk to you, Bri. C'mon, let me in!" Howie insisted.
The door flew open barely missing Howie who had to dodge quickly.
"Well, thanks, Brian." Howie said sarcastically.
"What the hell do you want, D? I'm really not in the mood for friendly chitchat at the moment." Brian shot at his friend.
"Brian! You need to chill out, man." Howie placed a hand on Brian's shoulder.
Brian turned quickly, grabbing Howie's hand and forcing it behind his back.
"Ouch, fucking shit, Rok! Let go!" Howie yelled.
"Then I suggest you leave me the hell alone. Speak your peace then get the hell outta here." Brian's eyes were wild and he was jumpy.
"Just wanted to let you know that Lance was coming over here tomorrow. And will be here with us for awhile." Howie informed.
"Why is that queer coming here? His own band get sick of having a fag?" Brian slowly let go of Howie's arm.
Howie in turn, moved quickly around and tackled Brian to the ground. He pinned him there. "What the hell is your problem?"
Brian struggled underneath him.
"Calm down! What is with you? First you attack your cousin for being gay, and now you physically abuse me. Have you lost your mind?" Howie shouted at the man underneath him.
Brian spat in Howie's face. Howie in turn slapped Brian's left cheek and then back-handed his right.
The look on Brian's face was priceless. The angry hard expression gave way to one of complete and utter shock.
Tears of pain from the slaps and hurt from the other situation perched precariously on his eyelids.
Howie loosened his grip on Brian and wiped the spit off his face. "Can I let you up? Or will this turn into a brawl?"
Brian had completely stopped fighting Howie's grasp and a tear slipped down his cheek.
Howie let go of Brian and sat on the ground next to him. "Sorry I had to do that, Rok, but you were being a complete asshole."
Brian looked up at Howie from where he was lying on the floor. "Shit Howie, I'm...I'm...I'm sorry." Brian just barely breathed out.
"What's wrong, Bri?" Howie asked.
"I don't know..." Brian trailed.
"Do you think I would accept 'I don't know.'" Howie asked.
A few more tears slipped down Brian's cheeks.
"Okay, don't answer me. Listen I came here to tell you Lance will be with us for a few days, and as you put it so poetically, he is a 'fag.' I asked him to come here to talk to Kevin. You better behave and treat him right." Howie stood up from where he was sitting.
Brian opened his mouth to say something but closed it quickly when no words came. He looked at Howie with apologetic eyes and just nodded his head absently.
Howie shook his own head sadly. He walked toward the door and was about to walk right out when with a last minute thought, he returned to Brian, grabbed his arms and yanked him to his feet.
Suddenly off the floor, Brian was very surprised. He fully expected Howie to punch him square in the face.
Howie didn't of course. That wasn't his style. He knew he had his friend good and scared by the look on his face.
Brian closed his eyes tightly and waited for the blow.
It never came.
Instead Howie wrapped his arms around Brian and gave him a tight hug.
Neither man said anything, as they just stood there, embraced for a few moments. Finally Howie let go and walked out of the room. Feeling a frightening mix of emotions, Brian sank to the ground and cried silently.
Kevin woke up and took a look at the clock on the dresser. It read 3:30pm. They had wasted an entire day, just because of him.
Kevin gazed at Nick. He was still asleep next to him. Nick also still had Kevin's hand in his own. It was always so sweet to watch Nick sleep. Lately he had grown up so much, it was to the point where Nick barely resembled the boy he was two years ago. It was more then just the hair styles Nick went through, he had truly matured and no longer looked like a boy. He was so much a man now.
But when Nick was asleep you could still see a trace of that innocent, fun loving, boy he had fallen in love with. So many years ago.
Wow, it was so much easier to admit that to himself now.
Yeah, he loved Nick. He loved Nick with all his heart, more than he had ever loved anyone in his whole life. He had slowly fallen deeper and deeper. Nick was everything he ever wanted to in a significant other. Nick was always so giving, so concerned with everyone.
Kevin began to have these feelings about three years ago. He was pretty sure it was when Nick had begun to be able to look him in the eyes.
Not that height was the issue because it wasn't that.
It was what Kevin saw when he looked in those blue eyes.
When Nick was younger, it was only a childish twinkle, one filled with either excitement or amazement that Kevin saw when he looked at Nick.
But these past few years he had begun to see other thinks as well.
Hope when they all sat at an awards ceremony.
Sorrow when they visited a Children's hospital.
Fear when their number's dropped lower then their rival's.
And strangely though, a sad longing whenever Leighanne, Kristin, or Amanda was around.
Kevin always assumed that it was because he wanted his own girlfriend, but Nick never went out on dates or even attempted to talk to a girl when they all went out. Nick was always more content to hang out in the hotel room.
Not that Kevin minded, he almost preferred it. That way, it gave him more time with Nick.
Kevin began to think of all the stupid things he had done to spend time with Nick. He feigned interest in video games, he allowed Nick to practice caricature drawings by duplicating his cartoon image over and over again. Kevin even allowed Nick to drag him out in his new boat for way too many hours on the ocean. And all of this just because Kevin was head over heels in love with Nick.
Kevin loved Nick's sense of humor, even when the pranks were at his cost. He loved Nick's gentle nature specially when it came to taking care of one of the guys. And he really loved Nick's firm tall frame, his short spiky blond hair, and his beautiful blue eyes. But especially loved how Nick's hand was wrapped around his own at the moment.
Kevin was in love there was no other way to put it. When Nick first found him the other night, he was upset, panicked. But now he was relieved, he couldn't think of anyone of the guys he'd rather be going through this with. It should be Brian, he's family and family is supposed to be your support. But if Brian couldn't be true, Nick was the best friend he had.
Nick began to stir. He looked up at Kevin and smiled. 'I have dreamed of waking up next to a man as special as him.' Nick thought as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes.
"Hey, Nick." Kev said softly.
"Hi, Kev! How'd you sleep?" Nick asked.
"Good, better than I have in a while." Kevin gave Nick a sly smile. "How about you?"
"All right, I dropped right off. I got up way too early this morning." Nick mentioned absently.
"I'm sorry." Kevin said softly, looking mildly embarrassed.
"No, no...that's not what I meant. We all had plans to go out early today. It wasn't just you, I really don't know why I got up as early as I did." Nick tried to explain.
"I feel bad we all got up so early and then never did end up going out." Kevin looked quite ashamed.
"Kevin, Hon, it's okay. We all understand what's happening. "Nick comforted. "Well, most of us"
Kevin was too immediately reminded of his cousin. He felt the tears well up once again. "Ugh...fuck this!" Kevin stared up at the ceiling and tried so hard to keep the tears from falling.
"Kev, you don't have to fight it." Nick said throwing an arm around Kevin's shoulders.
"I know, but every little thing makes me cry and I don't want to make a complete wimp of myself." Kevin tried to compose himself.
Nick looked at Kevin with sympathy in his eyes.
Kevin stood up and stretched quickly "Come on, let's go see what the other's are up too. We should all have dinner together tonight."
"You think that's really a good idea?" Nick asked warily.
"Yeah, we wasted a whole day. I, we need to go on with our lives. We ain't wasting anymore time." Kevin said firmly.
"But I mean, the tension and all? Brian?" Nick was concerned, but proud of Kevin's valiant attempt.
"Yeah, come on, let's go." Kevin grabbed Nick's hand and pulled him off the bed.
"Don't you want to clean up a little first?" Nick asked, indicating their scruffy looks.
"Oh yeah, good idea, want to meet in like a half an hour?" Kevin offered.
"Okay, sounds good, See ya then." Nick agreed.
Nick and Kevin went off to get cleaned up and washed before they attempted to get the whole group together for the night.
When they met roughly 40 minutes later, Kevin offered to go get Howie, while Nick attempted to talk Brian into spending the night with the group. The agreed to meet in front of AJ's room ASAP.
Knock
"Frick? It's me... Let me in." Nick said softly through the door.
Unlike the cruelty he had shown his last two visitors, Brian slowly opened the door and allowed Nick entrance to the room.
"Hey Frack." Brian said in a near whisper.
"What's up Frick?" Nick gently placed an arm around his best friend.
Brian's guilty eyes darted away from Nick's serious gaze.
"You haven't been yourself lately, wanna 'fess up? You know you can't keep anything from me for long." Nick asked.
"I can't Nick, not now, not yet." Brian said slowly.
"But at some point? You know I'm always here for ya Rok." Nick attempted to smooth out some of Brian's disheveled curls.
"Yeah, I know, you always are Nick, it's just to complicated at the moment. I'm not even sure I completely understand it myself." Brian admitted, looking up at Nick pitifully.
Nick smoothed Brian's hair again.
"I hurt Howie." Brian mentioned in a guilty whisper.
"You did what?" Nick asked, surprised.
Brian relayed the story, getting downright weepy with his explanation.
"Brian... gee man, you are all fucked up aren't ya?" Nick looked his best friend right in the eyes.
"Yeah... I don't know what to do." Brian let a tear or two slip.
Nick wrapped his best buddy in a hug.
"Brian, it's alright man, we'll figure it all out, okay?" Nick tried to soothe the small blonde.
"I've been a bastard." Brian said simply, resting on Nick's firm chest.
"Yes, you have. Especially now that your cousin needs you so much." Nick admitted, as carefully as he could. "But you can make it up to him.
Brian looked up at Nick. "I can? How?"
"Kevin wants us all to go out tonight. Dinner, hanging out, whatever." Nick began. "Come with us, behave, and don't give Kev any trouble. That's how you can make up for your behavior."
"I'm not so sure Frack. I'm still not sure how I feel toward my cousin at the moment. I don't know if my temper can be controlled." Brian said, ashamed.
"Well find a way." Nick said very firmly. "Kevin wants us to do out, so we're going out. All of us!"
Brian broke away from Nick and looked up at him. The wildness returned to his eyes slightly. "Since when have you become Kevin's big protector?" He snarled.
Nick wasn't sure what he should say. His new feelings for Kevin were going to make certain things quite complicated. He was afraid of having to choose between the two cousins, if Brian didn't accept Kevin soon.
But Brian's attitude changed quickly. "Fucking shit! Now I'm even starting with you! What's wrong with me?"
Nick grabbed his best friend and held on tight. He was beginning to feel like he spent his whole life embraced in a hug.
"I'm so sorry Nick." Brian whimpered.
"It's fine Frick. I've been through your mood swings before." Nick said. "But I want you to calm down and get yourself ready to go out."
"I really don't feel like it Nick." Brian said.
"You're going, so get to it." Nick pushed Brian in the right direction.
Brian struggled a little bit.
"Don't fight it Brian, you're coming." Nick said as he pushed Brian into the bathroom.
Nick then proceeded to pick out something for his best friend to wear
"Brian, you better get going in there, I'll come in there and clean you up myself, if you don't do it yourself. And I'm not exactly gentle." Nick threatened.
Brian began to get ready. 15 minutes later he was dressed and ready to go.
"Let's go meet the rest of the guys." Nick said.
"Nick... I'm still not sure..." Brian tried one more time.
Nick turned to Brian. The look he gave was a simple one, a look of patience being quickly lost.
"Frick." Nick began in a simple tone. "Kevin needs us right now. Howie, AJ, and I will, and already have been there for him. All we are asking you to do is come to dinner with us tonight. If you don't have the ability to swallow your pride for a few hours, than you aren't the person I normally call my best friend."
Brian's face drained of color.
"Am I being to harsh? Well, I'm tired of everyone treating Kevin like our rock. We all lean on him for all of our support, but you know what? Rocks can break too. And Kevin has broke." Nick barked at Brian, looking at him fiercely. "Now are you coming?"
Brian nodded, more out of fear, than acceptance.
Nick said nothing else, he grabbed Brian by the hand and led him out of the room and down the hall. Kevin and Howie were leaning against the wall.
"Where have you two been?" Howie asked, exasperated. "We've been here for like, 20 minutes.
"Sorry guys, I..." Brian struggled for an excuse.
"Brian was asleep, and you know how hard it is to wake him up." Nick covered for him.
"We talked to AJ about 10 minutes ago, he said he'd be ready in 15." Howie mentioned.
"Great." Nick said as he went over and leaned on the wall right next to Kevin and whispered. "How ya doin' bud?"
"Alright." Kevin said softly. "Howie and I have been talking. He was telling me about Lance and all."
"Does he sound like a nice guy?" Nick asked absently, concentrating more on Kevin's beautiful eyes.
"Yeah, I guess." Kevin answered, distracted, looking back at Nick.
They had only been separated for a half an hour or so? Right?
"Kev? Nicky? You two with us?" AJ's voice broke the spell.
"Huh?" Nick said.
"What?" Kevin asked at the same time, both of them coming out of their daze.
"I said, I'm all set, you guys ready to go?" AJ said with a laugh. "You two stoned?"
"NO!" Nick exclaimed.
"Yeah, it had to have worn off by now." Kevin said dryly.
Everyone looked at him in shock.
"What? Can't I crack a joke?" Kevin said with a mild smile.
"Wow it takes a broken heart and having to come out of the closet for Kev to gain a sense of humor." AJ stated.
This time everyone looked at him in shock.
But then Kevin laughed. "Let's go to dinner guys."
Kevin threw an arm around Nick and started toward the elevator.
Howie, AJ, and Brian gave each other nervous, confused looks. All the sudden Kevs okay? But why look a gift horse in the mouth? They quickly followed the other two down the hall.
Roughly 45 minutes later the five of them arrived at a quiet restaurant in a small town nearby.
They were seated and their orders were taken.
"So..." Howie began.
"Yeah..." AJ added.
"You guys want to know what's up, huh?" Kevin started to answer. "I'm not so sure, I was hoping we could work it out together."
"What do you want to do Kev? We were all scheduled to head home tomorrow. But..." Nick faltered when he realized what he was about to say.
"But I lived with Kristin, and where am I going to go now?" Kevin finished for him. "Is that what you were going to say?"
"Yeah Kev... You can't go home to Kentucky, we have the new album to work on." Nick mentioned.
"Oh yeah." Kevin said.
"I'd say stay with Brian and I." Howie said, suggesting the apartment the two of them shared when they were in Orlando. "But the place is getting renovated. We're staying with Nick while were in Florida."
"Well Kev will just have to stay with us too." Nick insisted.
Brian and Kevin looked at each other and then glanced away, quickly.
"It's a big house boys." Nick said. "And you will have Howie and I as referees."
"I'll just stay with AJ." Brian mumbled, practically his first words of the evening.
"No can do. Mom has relatives for the month. I was actually going to ask Nick if I could crash as well." AJ looked at Nick apologetically.
They all looked at each other.
"Well..." Nick began. "I looks like we will all be crashing at my place for a while."
Both Brian and Kevin opened their mouth to protest.
"No. Don't even try. You all need a place to stay. I have a big empty house. You're all staying." Nick said with a voice full of confidence, but the way he was fidgeting with his fork, showed he wasn't as sure of himself as he wanted them all to believe.
"Thanks Nick." AJ said with a soft smile.
"Thanks bud." Howie said, as he took a sip of his drink.
Kevin and Brian just looked at Nick. They both shrugged and nodded.
Before anything else could be said about the topic, their waiter arrived with their food.
They didn't exactly eat in silence, there was small conversation about work related stuff as they dined.
It wasn't until the meal was practically complete, that the topic of their schedule came up.
"Well... we'll be in the studio until the end of the month. And we gave the MTV thing on the fifth and the Z100 Morning Show on the sixth. We will be in New York for those. We're visiting the children's hospital in Orlando, on the 18th. The only other thing is the wedding..." Howie read off of his day planner and then trailed as he hit the date that would have been the double wedding.
Kevin, who had been watching Howie as he spoke, lowered his attention to his coffee cup.
Brian got up from his seat. He gathered his belongings quickly.
The waiter dashed over. "Are you gentlemen ready to leave? Do you need the check?"
Nick grabbed Brian's shoulder and pushed him back into his seat. "Yes please, as soon as possible."
The waiter ran quickly to get the check. By the time he was back, all five of them were ready to leave the restaurant.
They all threw money into a pile on the table and rapidly left to get into the car they had taken.
"Brian." Nick said softly once they all were in the car.
"Don't! Just Don't!" Brian shouted form his seat in the back.
"Brian, its okay man. We know it's still a sensitive subject." AJ said, placing a hand on Brian's balled fist.
"Sensitive?!? I don't think sensitive covers it!" Brian said with a sneer.
"Brian." Was all Nick said.
Brian shot him a look.
"Enough boys!" Howie said from the driver's seat. "Now tell me, what are we doing now?"
Howie saw all three men in the back shrug.
"Kev?" Howie asked.
"Why don't we just go back to the hotel?" Kevin whimpered from the passenger seat.
"NO!" Nick screeched. "You wanted to go out and we are going out!"
"Nick, it's okay, dinner was enough. I'm fine. I just want to go back to the hotel. We can get packed and all." Kevin said softly.
"Okay Kev." Nick's voice calmed. "If that's what ya want."
"It is." Kevin responded and then turned to stare out the window.
Everyone fell silent as Howie drove them back to the hotel.
As they pulled up to the hotel, the tension in the car was so thick you could cut it. Kevin felt as if he was having trouble breathing.
Kevin bolted out of the car and walked with a fast pace toward the hotel entrance.
Nick immediately ran after him.
"I'm sorry..." Brian cried absently as he watched his best friend and his cousin run inside the double doors.
"A little late Rok." AJ mumbled cruelly.
"I... I..." Brian stumbled.
AJ just walked passed him.
"Come on bud, let's go inside." Howie threw an arm around Brian and then held his other hand palm up to the sky. "I think it's starting to rain."
Brian allowed Howie to lead him upstairs to his room.
Kevin had run into his room and was now pacing around cleaning little messes here and there.
Nick stood in the doorway and watched Kevin neurotically run about. He knew that Kevin cleaned like this to keep his mind off whatever bothered him.
Lightning flashed brightly and cast a rich light across the room. Kevin turned to see the tall figure standing in the doorway.
"Hi Nick." Kevin said softly.
"Hey Kev." Nick responded. "May I come in?"
"Sure, what's up? Are you okay?" Kevin sounded concerned.
"Yes." Nick answered slightly exasperated. "I was coming to see if you were alright."
"Oh yeah..." Kevin said lightly. "Sorry, I'm just used to your impromptu visits being about... Well you know... Uhm..."
"Being about my problems?" Nick said bashfully.
"NO, not like that. Just, I'm not trying to be mean, but you do seem to need me more than I ever need you. Not that there's anything wrong with that. I am seven years your senior." Kevin muddled through. "This isn't coming out well, is it?"
"Nah, it's okay Kevs, I understand." Nick said sadly. "But, are you okay?"
"Yeah... no... who knows?" Kevin answered.
"Wanna talk?" Nick offered.
"No, I wanna go to bed." Kevin said shortly.
"Oh..." Nick said, taken back. "I guess I'll go then. Goodnight Kevin."
Nick turned to go back out of the doorway he was still standing in.
'Please ask me to stay.' Nick begged Kevin in his mind.
'Please ask to stay.' Kevin thought also.
There was a pause.
"Sweet dreams Kev." Nick walked out and shut the door.
"Goodnight Nicky. Thanks." Kevin said sadly.
Nick went down the hall, heading for his room. As he approached it, he saw AJ sitting in the door frame, waiting for him.
"Hey little buddy... Do we have a problem on our hands or what?" AJ smiled up at him from where he was sitting.
Nick just growled at him.
"Well now, you're not a happy camper, are you?" AJ laughed.
Nick shot him another look.
AJ laughed again.
"What the hell do you want? Or are you just here to pick on me?" Nick asked grumpily.
"Hmmm... Pick on you!" AJ joked.
"Go away AJ." Nick said flatly.
"No seriously now, I'm here to check on you." AJ's tone changed to show his sincere concern.
"Check on me? What the hell for?" Nick asked sharply.
AJ put a hand on Nick's shoulder. He took the hey the blond was mindlessly holding and unlocked the hotel room door. AJ led Nick in and pushed him into a chair. He sat down next to him, never removing the hand from Nick's shoulder.
"You've allowed the load of a lifetime to be placed on your shoulders. I know you think you can handle it, but I know you too well. As much as you hate to admit it, you're still young. This is a lot for you to be dealing with alone. I'm here to make sure my little buddy is okay." AJ explained.
"Gee Skipper, thanks." Nick sarcastically replied.
"I'm being serious Nick." AJ said with a straight face.
"I know AJ, I know. Thank you." Nick said sincerely. "I'm okay, it's not me you should be worried about. Save all your concern for Kevin."
"Nick, there's no way in hell I'll halt my constant worrying about your sorry ass. But I know what you are saying. I'll save most of my energy for taking care of Kevin." AJ agreed.
"Thank you. He really needs us right now." Nick said wearily.
"So we have all said 100 times in the past 24 hours." AJ said.
"Well he does!!" Nick exclaimed.
"You sure have a short fuse at the moment!" AJ stated, a little offended.
"I'm sorry, I'm just drained." Nick said, slumping down in the chair.
"See, I'm still need to keep tabs on you. You can't handle all of this can you?" AJ threw his arm around Nick.
"NO! I can handle it, it's not so much. I know what he needs right now, it makes sense for me to be helping him. It really isn't that straining on me, it's just that I..." Nick trailed.
"You what Nicky? What is it?" AJ pressed, rubbing Nick's arm.
"I could so easily fall in love with him AJ, so easily." Nick whispered, but with a hint of honest passion.
AJ's jaw dropped, he has sort of expected this to happen, but not this quickly.
"You're in love with him?" AJ spit out.
"No... not yet... but I could see it happen, unless I protect myself." Nick answered.
"Protect yourself? Why? What would be so wrong with loving Kevin?" AJ questioned.
"He would never love me back. There's no way, age difference, all that stuff. Plus, he thinks of me as a little kid." Nick said sadly. "You all still do."
"We try, we just slip into old habits to quickly." AJ tried to apologize.
Nick sighed and glanced around the room.
"I'm tired. I want to go to bed." Nick said.
"Why aren't you staying with Kevin tonight? I'd think he'd want you near by." AJ mentioned.
"He didn't say anything." The sadness slipped into Nick's voice.
"You could have offered." AJ suggested.
"I don't know, but if he wanted me there, he would have asked." Nick admitted.
"If you say so." AJ shrugged and looked at Nick. "So, what do you need?"
"Huh?" Nick looked at him with complete confusion.
"A hug? Someone to talk to? A shoulder? A stiff drink? What do you need?" AJ explained.
"Nothing, I need nothing. I just want to go to bed." Nick responded sharply.
"Are you sure?" AJ didn't believe Nick. "Usually you want, I mean... Well..."
"I'm getting older, maybe my maturity level has reached a point where I do not need to be babied at every little event." Nick spit at AJ.
AJ looked hurt at the remark. "Sorry Nick."
Nick just scowled.
AJ stood up from his seat. I'm gonna get going now. Night Nick."
Nick stood up quickly and grabbed AJ's arm. "No. Wait."
"Yeah?" AJ asked semi-sarcastically, as he turned to look at Nick.
"I'm sorry. I'm just all mixed up right now. My emotions are completely unbalanced." Nick admitted.
"I see." AJ said flatly.
"I do need you, I don't know why I'm having such a hard time asking for or admitting it." Nick said sheepishly.
Nick lowered his eyes and played with a loose string on his pants.
AJ felt like a jerk all of the sudden. He knew he shouldn't push Nick like this, but sometimes he hated seeing Nick act all grown up. Nick seemed to think being an adult meant never relying on anyone else. Nick never did have sound thought pattern though.
"Nick, I'm sorry too. I'm pressing this subject to much. I know you still need me every once in a blue moon. I guess it's just been so far and few between. I need the affirmation I guess." AJ confessed.
"Brian may be my best friend, but you're my confidant, the one I got to with everything. Of course I still need you." Nick looked at AJ with a sympathetic eye. He reached over and pulled him into a hug.
"Thanks Nick." AJ looked a little embarrassed. "How did this happen?"
"Emotions are running very high. It isn't our fault, really." Nick tried to explain. He released the hug and threw an arm around AJ.
AJ smiled up at Nick. "All good now?"
"Yeah." Nick smiled back.
"I guess I should be heading back to my room." AJ said softly.
Nick grabbed his arm. "No, don't go yet, please? Stay just a little longer?"
AJ looked at Nick, who was putting on his best puppy dog begging eyes. He almost burst out laughing.
"Do you want to talk?" AJ asked. "Maybe discuss your feelings for Kevin?"
"No..." Nick said slowly. "You know what I want."
"Oh no, Nick you know how much I hate it..." AJ whined.
"Please? I've had such a hard day." Nick tried to sound like a little boy again.
"Ugh! I guess I can't say no, can I?" AJ asked, exasperated.
"Nope." Nick answered, with a devious gleam in his eye.
And with that the two youngest members of the group spent the next hour and a half playing video games, laughing, and breaking into spontaneous wrestling matches, before heading to their own beds for the night.