Hello everyone! Yes, I know this is about a week late, and I apologize. Between the severe weather ravaging the area, and others' demands of my time, I didn't have many opportunities to sit down and write. To make up for it, I'm going to try to get this and the next chapter out this week.
As I mentioned, the weather here has been crazy. I hope all of you in the Midwest have come out of last week unscathed. My condolences to those of you who have suffered losses, either material or personal, in the many storms. You have been, and will continue to be, in my prayers.
Disclaimer: I have no knowledge of NSYNC, anyone affiliated with them, or any other celebrities that may appear here. This is a work of fiction, so any mention of sexual orientations/habits or personalities are made up by me! If you are offended by stories about relationships between men, or are too young to legally read such things, please leave.
A Light in the Tunnel
Chapter 18
Burke didn't attempt to hide his flowing tears as he read through the stack of papers shaking in his trembling hands. Growing up, he had felt so different from the rest of his peers. Some of them lived with only their mothers, but they knew their fathers. That wasn't the case for Burke. He didn't even know the man's name. He had no memories of summer fishing trips, watching his father shave in the bathroom, or barbecuing outside. There was a big hole in his life few people he knew suffered from. Now, seventeen and a half years of living later, that place was filled. By a miracle, Christopher Kirkpatrick had stepped down from the lofty pedestal Burke had placed him on, an idol and thing of sad dreams, and became real. First a savior, then a friend, now the man Burke had craved since childhood. It wasn't enough for Chris to just call him son. He had taken the time, with Johnny's help, to fill out the many blanks on the forms.
"I hope you understand what this is, son," Chris sniffled, caught up in the emotions of the moment.
"Dad, you have made my wildest dreams come true. Again. A lot of kids had imaginary friends, but I always had an imaginary father. Now," the boy's voice slugged to a halt, his throat clenching shut. "Now, I have--you."
"I love you, Burke. Not only as an incredible young man I'm lucky to know, but as my son. I wanted to do something to make sure you knew that."
"I did, but this is amazing! I can't believe you did all this for me."
Chris stopped a waitress and borrowed her pen, sitting it on the table in front of Burke. "Like I said, it isn't legal. But I don't want you to look at it like that. In my eyes, and in the eyes of everyone that really matters, it is. Burke, I want you to be mine. I want it more than I could ever say."
Flipping to the last page, Burke found what he was looking for. Only one line had been left empty, the space awaiting his signature. He took a deep breath, calming himself as he picked up the pen. Chris, in his unexplainable love and kindness, had completed the paperwork for adopting him, and it only needed his name to make the symbolic gesture complete. Burke smiled wider than he ever had before as the tip of the pen touched the paper, his full name appearing in scrawling black ink. "I love you, dad."
"I love you too, Burkey boy!" Burke started to chew on his lower lip, a sign Chris knew too well. "Go ahead. What do you want to ask me?"
Burke blushed. "Well, it's just that--I never felt like the rest of my family. They all have different names and these near perfect families. I never really felt like a Kennedy, even though I don't know what that really means. I guess I was wondering if I could--"
"It would be an honor," Chris interrupted. "My mother would love it!"
"Burke Nathaniel Kirkpatrick," Burke murmured, trying the name out. "I like the sound of it. I know it's not legal or anything, but it just feels right. Like I really belong."
Chris scooted his chair around the table, pulling Burke into a hug. "You will always belong here, son. There isn't anywhere else I'd want you to be." They laughed and cried together for a few moments, their heads pressed together. "You know, we'll have to change all you passes and stuff now."
"I'll get Richard working on it!" Burke snickered, wiping his eyes with a napkin.
Everyone smiled as they watched Chris and Burke make their way, arm in arm, into the greenroom. In bits and pieces, they had learned Chris' plan for the night, and were anxiously waiting to see how it had turned out. There was little doubt that Burke would go for the whole idea, but seeing was believing. Before anyone said a word, Joey gave Burke a little box topped with a shiny red bow. With a confused look, he opened it, then started laughing. He pulled the new name tag from inside and hung it around his neck. Burke threw his arms around the singer, squeezing. The others crowded in, each receiving a hug before the entire group embraced as a whole. "If there was any doubt about you being one of us," Lance beamed, "this should take care of it once and for all. You are totally part of the family." "Oh!" Justin squeaked. "I already talked to security. Your new codename is Sonny." "How did you all know that I would ask Chris about the name thing?" "We know you too well, little man. If neither one of you brought it up, one of us were going to. It was going to happen one way or another!" "Uh, guys?" Richard started, poking his head into the room. "I hate to break this up, but you need to get ready for the meet and greet." They nodded. "You gonna stay here, son?" "I'll just wander around the stadium or something. I'll make sure to take one of the walkie talkies with me." "Alright. Be back before the show starts, ok?" Chris kissed his son's forehead as the left the room. Burke stood in the wings during the concert, still clapping and cheering as if it were the first show he had seen. His face held a radiance that rivaled the spotlights shining down on his friends, and everyone saw it, giggling at the ecstatic boy. As the band began softly playing the intro to the next song, Chris moved from his mark and walked to the front of the stage. Burke looked to the stagehands, wondering what was going on. The shows were carefully choreographed, and this wasn't part of the routine. "Hello everyone!" Chris shouted, the crowd roaring in response. "I know you can tell what we're going to sing next--" Again the fans went wild, easily recognizing the popular ballad. "It's a love song, but tonight there is a new spin on it for me. If you've kept up with the news, you know there's a very special young man in my life, and that I look at him like my son." Everyone in the stadium 'awwwed' at him. "Tonight, during supper, I asked if it would be ok for me to adopt him, and he said yes!" Applause rose up like a Kansas thunderstorm. "So tonight, I want to dedicate this song to him. There have been hard times in his life, and I want him to know that I will always be there. Love you, son." Burke, his vision blurred by tears, could hardly stand. Over and over the guys had shown him caring and kindness, but this was more than he could ever expect. As they sang "This I Promise You," he noticed all of them looking his direction at least once, their faces covered with bright smiles. Burke couldn't help but notice, as the song came to an end, that the cheering was louder than at any other show."So, not only are you grabbing Josh's cash, but Chris' too?"
"Don't look so upset, Tyler. I'm sure the SPCA will take good care of such a cute mongrel!" Burke replied, patting the top of Tyler's head. "But if not, I'll make sure your brother buys the best plot in the local pet cemetery."
"You're a smart assed little boy, you know that don't you?" the man chuckled.
"Yep, but don't worry. I'm taking it down to your level. I hate wasting my best material on someone who doesn't get it." Burke and Tyler had been sparring for the better part of an hour, trying to outdo each other in a playful game of insults.
"Speaking of my brother, does he know how much you're flirting with me right now? Are you that sex starved, or just wanting to get your Gay Club membership card?"
"Flirting? Poor deluded, Tyler. This isn't flirting, it's me trying to be your friend after ruining your sad fantasies of having Josh all to yourself. I'm very sorry, but I don't think he's into incest."
"Gross! Burke!"
"How else do you explain the insane jealousy you have for me?"
"Boys," Karen laughed, "that's quite enough."
"Have I told you how much I like him?" Tyler asked. "This is the most fun I've had since this little gold digger dropped into our lives! You, big brother, need to make this thing permanent. I don't know what I'll do at Christmas without Burke around to keep me amused."
Josh turned a dozen shades of red. "I'll see what I can do about that," he stammered. Burke winked at his boyfriend, embarrassing him further.
"Alright, you two. Stop teasing him."
"But mom!" Tyler whined while Burke said, "But Karen!"
"Everyone pack before you run off," Lance admonished as the got back from the concert. "We're leaving at five in the morning, and no one will be awake enough to do it then. If you aren't ready, we'll just leave your stuff behind." Burke snickered, laying down on the couch with his head resting on Joey's lap. "Would he really do that?" "You never know. Despite how quiet he usually is, Mr. Bass has an amazing inner bitch. I just don't want to be on his bad side if it ever takes over!" "So, what are we doing tonight?" Justin asked as he plopped down on the floor. "A club or something?" "We can't get into a club with Burke, Just. Besides, I don't think Chris wants him put in the position of having to deal with the temptation of drinking." Justin's hopeful slid away, disappointed but understanding. "You all can go out if you want to," Burke said. "I'm plenty old enough to stay at the hotel by myself." "We don't want to leave you behind, little man." "I know, but I really don't mind. You all like to go out dancing and everything, and I don't want you to stop just because of me. Please, if you want to go to a club, go." "Are you sure, son? We don't want you to feel like we're abandoning you." "I'm positive. I'll watch a couple of movies, or hit the pool downstairs. Warren will be here, Richard too. There are plenty of things to keep me busy. Go ahead and have a great time!" After another ten minutes of arguing, Burke finally convinced them he was fine with them going out. "We won't be out late, Burke. And don't feel like you have to stay up and wait for us." "Stop worrying dad, and go! You're burning good dancing time!" He shoved them out the door, then went to take a shower. Relaxing in shorts and a tank top, Burke hooked up his laptop and sent Johnny an email about his idea for the bus, then sprawled out on the floor to watch some movies. Every hour or so, he was interrupted by one of the guys, or Warren, calling to check up on him, laughing while he reassured them. When Lance knocked at the door, giving the wake up call, Burke wished he could've rolled over and ignored him. As he struggled to become coherent enough to make his way to the bus, he realized that there was someone in his bed, the pressure on the mattress more than shifted pillows and blankets. Burke's eyes crept open, taking in the body curled up beside him. Josh's dark hair, streaked with blond, lay in wild spikes across the pillow. The man's eyes, an absorbing blue, were closed beneath a relaxed forehead and perfectly ached eyebrows. Burke, suddenly more awake than he planned to be, studied his boyfriend, taking the opportunity he always wanted. Josh's nose was just a little too big for his face, with a slight crook to the right, his rose tinted lips barely parted. An arm, coated with fine brown hairs, disappeared beneath the pillow, the other flopped across the bed. His bare chest, an expanse of smooth, lightly tanned skin and sinewy muscle, rose and sunk with each sleeping breath, capped with small brown nipples that stuck out in the room's cool air. Josh abdomen showed the hint of the six-pack he had, an innie belly button giving way to a thin trail of hair that disappeared into navy blue soccer shorts. Burke sighed, wondering what he had done right to deserve this beautiful man. He laid back down, sliding closer to Josh. Breathing deeply, he could smell a faint trace of soap mixed with sweat. Nearly crying at the bliss in his heart, Burke kissed the man's shoulder and gently got out of bed. Justin, his eyes barely open, sat in the living room, dressed in a t-shirt and sweatpants, his curls under a du-rag. "Morning, Justin." "Morning, bro. Sleep well?" "Yeah. Have fun last night?" Justin only nodded, and they dropped into silence, both too tired to hold a conversation. As soon as everyone was roused, they made their way to the bus, and crawled back into the bunks, falling asleep once more. Burke, as he drifted off, thought about what it would be like to wake up to Josh every morning, and smiled at the pictures he saw. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From: JohnnyWright To: BurkeyboyK Re: Bus Plans Burke, I think your ideas for the bus are fantastic! I've run it all by the big bosses here at Jive and they are on board as well. Just give me some specifics, and we'll get it set up. Warren or some other staff member will be your purchasing contact. Let me know when you have details. Johnny Burke grinned as he read the email from Johnny, happy his plans were coming together. He wanted to do something for his new family, and he now had the support to make it happen. He tried to imagine their reactions to what he had schemed, not thinking about any problems that could arise. He wanted this to go perfectly, and there was no room for trouble. He went over his lists, revising items and expanding others, coming up with detailed actions and visions. This was a gesture of love, and the people it was meant for deserved the very best he could give. He paused for a moment. For the first time in his life, Burke felt himself inspired to do something, not because it was expected of him, but because he truly wanted to. "You look like the cat who ate the canary," Lance observed. "Care to share what's going on in that brain of yours?" "Actually, I do. Is everyone in the lounge?" Lance nodded. "Then let's go back there so we can talk about it together." Lance called a family meeting and everyone stopped what they were doing. Justin put his video game controller down, Joey sat his magazine aside, Josh and Chris ended their conversation. "Alright, guys. Burke has something he wants to talk about." They all looked at him with open, eager expressions. "OK. I guess you all have been wondering about what Johnny and I have been discussing. I wanted to do something for you all, and he's given me the go ahead." "You don't have to do anything for us, son." "I know I don't *have* to, dad, but I *want* to. You all have been the family I've always dreamed of, and I want the chance to show you how much that means to me." "Alright, bro. What do you have in mind?" Justin could tell Burke was getting close to misting up on them. "Remember when we first came on the bus, and I said I would change the décor? Well, I mentioned it to Johnny and he liked the idea of remodeling a bit. I want to make this a home for us. He said I could buy whatever I needed and Jive would pay for it." "Wow!" Joey whistled. "You all are money makers, so they figure this will keep you happy. I already have some ideas, but I want to make sure you like them before I start buying things." "Uh, Burke? Can I offer an idea to your plans?" "Sure Josh." "I think this is great of you, but I was wondering what it would be like if we all worked on it. I think it would mean even more to us if it was a family project." "The house that love built," Lance cooed, speaking aloud to himself. Everyone grinned, knowing Josh had come up with the perfect amendment. As a family, they would change their bus into a haven of peace. For the next few hours, Burke described everything he had thought of, the new bus coming to life as his words and gestures fluttered through their minds. "You are amazing, little man! I love all of it!" "Really, Joe?" "Yeah! I can't wait to do this! When were you planning on working?" "When we get to Indy. We're supposed to be there for a couple of days. I figured I could have things shipped to the hotel on priority and they could be waiting for us there." "And you really know how to do all this stuff?" Justin's voice rang with awe, at a lost as to how to do some of the things Burke had described. "Yeah. Aunt Lisa and I used to watch all the decorating shows on TV. We really got into it sometimes. It's hard work, but the results should be good." "If you're in charge," Chris beamed, full of pride at his son, "the results will be great!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Justin, can I talk to you for a minute?" "Sure, bro. What's up?" Burke pulled his friend into one of the small, dark rooms in the stadium. "OK, what's going on? It must be something since we're hiding from everyone else." Burke was antsy, trying to come up with the right words for what he wanted to ask. "I kinda wanted to get Josh something. Something special." "Sweet. What did you have in mind?" "I don't know, but I thought, since you've been friends for so long, you would have some good ideas." Justin's face scrunched up in thought, perusing his knowledge for the perfect gift. "How about a necklace or something? He always wears the Leo one, but it would give him something he could wear to remind him of you when you can't be together." Burke clapped his hands, and hugged Justin, thanking him. "You're welcome, bro. But what did you really want to ask me?" Burke paled, caught. "I know you could've thought about the gift by yourself. Come on, you can talk to me." "It's something I was scared to talk to dad about. I didn't know how he would handle it." Justin ran his hand over Burke's shoulder. "He might not like something, Burke, but he'll always love you. We all will." "I know. I felt awkward talking to him about it, so I thought maybe you could give me some advice, like my big brother or something." Justin grinned. "It's my pleasure. I am your big brother, Burke, just as much as I'm Jon and Steph's. Go ahead." As usual when he was nervous, Burke's lower lip found it's way between his teeth, lightly being gnawed upon. "It's about Josh and I. The other day, he slept in my room at the hotel--" "I know. Chris said it was ok, and Josh promised to be a gentleman under penalty of castration." "Alright. Well, that morning I woke up before him, and watched him sleep. It dawned on me that I really--love him." "Sweet! What's the problem then?" "Everyone talks about how people my age don't really know what love is. Is that true? Am I just lost in a cloud or something?" "Only you know the answer to that. Personally, I think you, of all people, are capable of knowing the difference between love and a crush. If you want my opinion, I think you two serious love each other. It's a good thing." "But that leads to a whole new set of problems, doesn't it?" Burke's point, skirted as it may be, finally hit Justin. "Burke, look at me for a minute. Love, real love, doesn't make demands of you. It doesn't force you to do things you don't want to. If you aren't ready to have sex with Josh, that's cool. I know him pretty well, so I know that he'd never try to force you into it. And if, for some strange reason, he did, I will personally kick his ass. How do you feel when you think about Josh that way?" "Nervous, excited. I never kissed anyone before him. I don't know what I'm supposed to do or anything." "Trust me, bro, all that stuff works itself out. I'm not going to tell you to do it or not to, but I will say this. Know what your limits are and understand that it doesn't mean anything to say stop. Respect yourself and respect him. Above all else, let whatever you decide happen on its own." "Thanks, Justin." "No problem, Burke." They hugged each other, both grateful for the talk, Burke because he had heard what he needed to, Justin because he felt needed. "So, you and Jayce gonna get freaky?" Burke laughed and blushed, playfully punching his friend in the shoulder. "I don't know. Maybe, maybe not." "Alright, just remember what I said." "Go shopping with me after sound checks?" Justin rolled his eyes. "Duh! That's a stupid question." ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ That's all for this chapter! I know it's a bit on the short side, but, like I said, I'm going to get two chapters out this week to make up for missing last time. I hope you all don't mind too much. As a preview, here's what I'm planning next: Justin and Burke tear through a mall, the bus is tore apart, the return of a bad guy and a fight, JC and Burke take another step in their relationship As always, I'd love to hear from you. You can write me at cameronwriter@hotmail.com Always, Cameron P.S. I'd like to thank all of you for your support. A Light in the Tunnel won 4 awards at this year's BBSA ceremony. I am truly, deeply honored. Hugs and kisses to you all.