"Keegan" She heard her name being called. She had fallen asleep on Gwen's bed after camp on Wednesday. She felt a soft hand on her hip. The hand actually touched the scar on her leg causing Keegan to shoot up into a sitting position. She wasn't sure if it was Gwen touching her or touching her scar that made her jump.
"I am done with the shower."
"God, I am sorry." She realized that she was sleeping on Gwen's bed. "Did I drool on your pillow." Keegan pulled it closer for inspection. "No...good, I didn't." Keegan looked at her side of the room. She had come back from Wednesday afternoon tryouts and collapsed in the nearest bed. "I am sorry about messing up your bed."
"You looked very peaceful. I did not want to wake you up."
"Peaceful that was more like exhaustion. Aren't you tired?" Keegan asked.
"I slept on your bed for a little bit. Do you want to get something to eat?" Keegan smiled and lifted her arm.
"The answer would be yes, but I really need to shower." Keegan stood up and got her clothes out of the dresser. Keegan noticed that Gwen was wearing a nicer navy tank top and khaki shorts. Keegan pulled out her clothes and headed for the shower.
Jumping in the shower, she wondered about Gwen. She seemed to be interested but she never got that definite confirmation. She had helped her move in and they developed a bond since.
In the shower she quickly scrubbed off the sweat and grime. Her hair was washed and rinsed with in five minutes. She loved having short hair. At one time, her hair was longer than Gwen's was but when the accident happed, she had it cut off. It was easier to have low maintenance hair while in the hospital. She liked the style it was easy to care for. With the summer heat, she noticed that she didn't feel the heat on her neck as much. She pulled on a pair of jean shorts and a white tank top. She checked her dark blonde hair in the mirror. She pulled back the side that covered the scar. They were not sure if she if the windshield or if it was the door window that cut her head. She put some gel in her hair to make it stand up in some place and lay flat in others. She wasn't sure what look she was going for. It was more of a Pink meets Jamie Lee Curtis style. She needed to dye it a lighter color or reddish. Reddish might be a little over the top for the team. She put on some eyeliner and mascara. She might be a jock and a lesbian, but she could look good as one. After checking her reflection in the mirror, she went out to the common area. Gwen was chatting with Janet and a couple of other players.
"Are you guys coming for food?" Keegan asked as she adjusted her shirt.
"Wow you look nice. I would almost say your were a hotty." Gwen teased.
"We ate." Janet referred to the other two girls. "I brought a bunch of DVDs from home. We maybe watching a movie later."
"Cool. Gwen are you ready?" Keegan said as she slid across the freshly waxed floor.
"What's up with you? " Gwen smiled at her as the walked down the steps.
"I am in a good mood. Do you know where we can sit outside and eat?" Keegan asked as if Gwen knew the town. "God, I feel really good."
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you got laid." Gwen teased. Keegan stopped walking and looked at her. Was she openly flirting with her?
"You said I was a hotty."
"I said almost a hotty." Gwen corrected her. She grabbed her hand and pulled her along. "I am starving and it's all your fault. I had to wait for you to fix your hair. I like it. The style. I saw the picture with long hair. I like it better short."
"The picture." Keegan repeated. Gwen must have taken a closer look at the picture on the dresser. Keegan caught glimpse of Gwen's reflection in the shop windows. She was a very attractive girl. Her legs were long and muscular, her breasts were firm and shapely. A car went by and honked at them and guy screamed out the window. Gwen flipped the guy off.
"I hate that. What makes people do that?" Gwen said as they found a café' that had seating outside. Keegan ordered an ice tea and Cesar chicken wrap. Gwen got lemon water and a Greek salad. The waiter smiled at both of them. He was college age. He made small talk with them about the university. They slipped into conversation easily.
"So what's your major?" Keegan laughed at the most common line they had heard all week.
"Guess?" Gwen smiled at her.
"Education?"
"Absolutely not. Evil children. No!"
"Business Accounting." Keegan pointed her fork at Gwen. "Nice three piece suit nine to five job."
"I am find no humor in your guesses."
"Than tell me." Keegan rolled her eyes.
"Nursing." Gwen answered.
"Really. That's cool I would have never guessed. I've had a lot of contact with nurses. They did not look like you."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"I've seen a lot of nurses and they were very mean for the most part. Old ladies with bad breath. I was inspired by my Physical Therapist to go into the field." Keegan had fond memories of the hot woman who helped her recover.
"What was Janet saying about a scholarship offers?" Gwen asked.
"Because of the accident and my injuries and colleges pulled offers back." Keegan thought about Gwen waking her this evening. "You freaked me out a little today. When you touched me." Gwen's face turned red.
"I nudged you." Gwen defended herself.
"You touched my scar." Gwen started to pull her chair back. Keegan grabbed a hold of her hand. "It's okay. I am not mad." Gwen started to protest. Keegan eased her back into the seat. "It's just it feels weird when I touch it. I am not use to anyone else touching it."
Keegan did not let go of Gwen's hand until she felt her relax.
"The accident last fall was bad. The break was a compound fracture that the bone came through the skin. I had surgery. There is a plate and some screws holding everything together." Keegan hand automatically felt the scar on her upper thigh. "The car did a couple of flips and I woke up in the hospital three days later. If you look here." Keegan pulled her hair back for Gwen to look at the scar on her temple. "Six stitches."
"You could have been killed. Was anyone else hurt?" Gwen asked. Her body leaned forward as her concern grew.
"Just me." Keegan skipped over that topic. "Once the accident happened, no one wanted to take a chance on me to play for them. Except for Weston and Curtis."
"The other night you said something about being hurt by someone." Gwen stopped her sentence for a moment. She lowered her head and continued. "Do you still have feelings for that person?" Gwen inquired.
"No." Keegan was stern with her answer. She had been thinking about Sandy too much in the last week for her liking.
"But you did love them at one time?"
"Yes, " Keegan was getting frustrated by Gwen's questions. "It was a complicated relationship and I don't want to go there."
Keegan leaned back in her chair. The sun was setting and she felt uncertain in her conversation with Gwen. She had tonight and tomorrow night to stay with Gwen. On Friday her Mom and sisters were coming in to pick her up. Curtis was giving most of the team a week off between camp and regular practice. The goalies and a few of the returning letter earners were going to have a mini camp next week. The focus was on the goal keeper position. Tara had stayed clear of Keegan since Monday. There were no "Vanilla" comments when she scored. Only Gwen seemed to tease her with that name. Curtis had asked after camp how the room situation was working out. Gwen had been paired up with a girl from Indiana that left after the morning session of tryouts. Curtis saw a potential trouble brewing between Keegan and Tara. Keegan thought about the pairings, she and Tara were supposed to be roommates for the semester. Gwen and the girl from Indiana were supposed to room together for the semester. For the first time, Keegan thought about the possibility of she and Gwen rooming together for the season.
"I didn't mean to get you mad." Gwen said as they split the bill and started to walk back to the dorm. The sun had set and the night became cooler. Both wished they had brought a heavier shirt as they walked back to the dorm.
"You didn't. I am just questioning why all these feelings are surfacing now. We have been broken up for almost a year." Keegan said as she rubbed her hands across her arms.
"Relationships are strange. I am seeing an upperclassmen." Gwen offered as she kicked at a stone. "I'm not sure where it is going. I'm not sure if I want it to go anywhere. "
"Interesting." Keegan did not want to take the bait that was hung out for her. "Are they here at Weston?"
"Yeah, they are one of the reasons I came to Weston." Gwen looked up at the stars. "So from what I can gather, you are not seeing anyone." Keegan jumped up on a landscaped box that lined the sidewalk. She walked it as a balance beam.
" From what I can gather I did not think you were seeing any one either. I am not ready. I have a lot of baggage. Plus," Keegan emphasized as she jumped off the flower box, "I am not sure if I want to put myself out there." Keegan jumped off the end of the beam.
" There are a ton of people who have asked about you. If you wanted to date, you can. I don't think you would be alone for long." Gwen finished her thought. "People are attracted to you." She had stopped and stared at Keegan. "Your ex must of hurt you really bad." She said matter of factly.
Keegan took a step back. Gwen had hit on a sore spot with her. Sandy had hurt her badly. She lost her friends. She was considered an outcast. She left school her senior year and missed on experiences that people remember most of their lives. Her anger towards Sandy raged through her body. She turned away from Gwen and started to walk towards the dorm. Keegan did not want to be reminded of the things that she missed out on or that Sandy had caused most of it. Was Gwen playing games with her? She thought. Gwen had never mentioned a date or dating someone. If they were going to be friends than they needed to draw boundaries of subjects that were up for discussion.
"Yes. My ex hurt me very bad." Keegan quickened her pace and was a few steps ahead of Gwen.
"Wait!" Gwen ran to catch up with her. "I'm sorry." Keegan did not answer her. They continued to walk together to the dorm. Keegan hit the stairs. Gwen tried to talk to her.
"There is nothing to say." Keegan told her as she took two steps at a time. As she reached the common room, Janet and the two girls were getting ready to watch a movie.
"What's the movie?" Keegan asked the group.
"The Hot Chick." Janet told her. Keegan started to laugh. She loved Rob Schnieder.
"I love him." Keegan said as she headed towards her room. Gwen reached the top of the stairs and was walking into the common room.
"You love who?" Gwen questioned her. Keegan gave her a look of disgust and blurted.
"Janet!" Keegan went over to where Janet was sitting and grabbed her hand. The group in the common room laughed. Keegan kissed Janet's hand in a teasing gesture and headed to the room. Gwen stopped to talk to the group.
Keegan was in the room changing into another pair of shorts and a tee shirt when Gwen came into the room. Gwen was going to say something but she realized that Keegan was changing her clothes.
"I don't want to fight with you." Keegan said as she pulled her sports bra out of her sleeve. "I want us to be friends. I don't know many people here." Keegan was fighting back tears. Inside she thought about how Sandy had left her. How Michael had disappointed her. At school she had a chance to start over. To make new friends. To leave the past in the past. "I was in love and I got hurt bad. I am not sure if you have ever had that happen. It's not fun. I am sorry if I get upset. This is what pisses me off more. I shouldn't be upset. It was a long time ago. I should be over it." Keegan went to the photo of Sandy and Michael and took it off the dresser.
"I am sorry." Gwen said. She put her hand out for the picture. She examined the photo of the dark haired girl, the good looking guy with the dimples and Keegan sandwiched between them. "You look happy here."
"There. I was at that time. Later that night would be a different story." Sandy had gone to homecoming with Reid Jefferson, the quarterback. Keegan and Michael were to meet with the couple later at after hour's party. Sandy showed up her dress all wrinkled and drunk. Reid bragged to the party about "what an animal" Sandy had been. The best sex he had ever had. Keegan was supposed to stay the night at Sandy' house. Instead, she had Michael drop her off at home. She wasn't sure who took Sandy home. She traced the outline of her face in the photo. She had been overweight and insecure. There was a smile on her face but she knew she wasn't happy.
"I wasn't happy." Keegan corrected herself. " I was in love with someone who hurt me. I had gotten so use to it. I thought that it was love."
"Do you talk to them?"
"No, neither one."
"Than why do you have the photo out?
"Bill asked the same question. I think I am trying to hold on to something that I should have let go a long time ago." Keegan watched Gwen reaction to her declaration. She took back a step and looked at Gwen's photos on her dresser. "I am not sure what going on with you and this upper classman. It seems like you are not happy. You can't' make someone else happy until you are happy."
"I haven't been happy in a long time. " Gwen mumbled to herself. "It's been back and forth for a couple of years. Always on their terms, not mine."
Keegan took the photo and placed it in her suitcase. She was done with Sandy Creed. She was not going to think about her again. She was not in the mood to hear Gwen complain about her relationship. She needed to have some time to herself.
"I'm going out." Keegan said as she grabbed sweatshirt and headed for the door. Keegan avoided the common room and headed down the steps and outside. She needed to blow off some steam. She needed to get laid and get thoughts of Gwen Lerner out of her head.
Keegan made her way off campus to a small club called Déjà vu. She had researched all the gay establishments a few weeks before heading to school. She walked toward the light color one story building with the glass block wall for an entranceway. She took a deep breath and opened the black metal door. Instantly, she was not able to see her eyes were adjusting to the dark interior lighting of the bar. Blindly she made her way towards the bar. As soon as her eyes adjusted, she noticed that the bar was busy for a Wednesday evening. There were a few women in the poolroom shooting a game. She found a seat at the bar. Keegan knew that she was cute. After she had lost weight the fact seemed become more prevalent. In some bars it did not matter what age or how cute you were in order to get served. Déjà vu was that type of bar.
The aged wrinkled thick waist bartender approached her. A bar towel hung out of her back jean short pocket.
" What can I get you?" She asked.
"Bud Light" Keegan answered as she set a ten dollar bill on the bar. The bartender smiled and popped a cold bud Light out of the front cooler. She swiped Keegan's ten off the bar and quickly returned her change. Keegan slid two bucks as a tip to the inner edge of the counter top.
"Let me guess" The bartender began a conversation with her. Keegan took a quick sip of her beer. "In for camp and I'd say soccer." The bartender waited for her response. Keegan gave her a slight grin and nodded her head. "Always good to see new faces around here." The bartender casually looked towards the opposite end of the bar. Keegan followed her gaze like Pavlov's dog. At the opposite end of the bar, Allison James and Carol Urban sat drinking beers.
"Fuck." She said to herself and lowered her head. Try to avoid the upperclassman's gaze. Nervously, she played with a drink straw and grabbed a copy of the local gay paper.
"No, shit Vanilla." Tara Washington sat in the seat next to Keegan. "I got that gay vibe from you but I wasn't sure."
"You're nuts." Keegan said to her. "There is no such thing as gaydar."
"No, I am on the money. Gaydar and all. I got your number. You got it bad for Blondie girl." Tara sipped on her beer. "You watch yourself with that one. It will bring you a whole mess of trouble." Keegan laughed at Tara's declaration.
"I think you gave me more trouble that Gwen will." Keegan grinned thinking about how scared she was of the woman sitting next to her.
"I wanted to thank you." Tara stated surprising Keegan. "What you said to me on Sunday night. It was true and it stuck with me. I do not think I had a chance to make this team if I went down the path that I was heading. Shit Curtis had me in his office on Monday ready to send me home."
"Curtis was really cutting you?" Tara had Keegan's full attention at this time.
"Yep. He was sending me home. He told me to pack my shit." Tara looked up at the ceiling. Tears were almost forming at the corner of her eyes. "I made my way out of the hood. I have a chance to go to university. To do something I love play soccer. I was not here 24 hours and I thought I blew it." Tara wiped her face to hide the tears that flowed from her eyes. "I thought about what you had said to me on Sunday. I have nothing in Detroit. I can't even call it home. I have nothing except for me."
"So what did Curtis do to you?" Keegan wonder that if this was the conversation on Monday what did Curtis plan on doing with the goalie.
"I broke down and cried. I asked Curtis for a second chance. He gave it to me. You helped me. Between you and blondie, I get my as kicked on a daily basis in camp"
"Sorry about that."
"Never be sorry. You are that good. Blondie's isn't bad either, but you see a shot that the odds are 99.9% against you and you still hit it." Tara finished her beer. "Are we cool?" She asked Keegan as she leaned back inher chair.
"We're cool." Tara held her fist out. Keegan touched her enclosed fist against Tara's.
"Blonde at the end of the bar wants to buy you a drink." The bartender said. Keegan looked at Tara.
"What about her?"
"No, just you."
"No, thank you. " Keegan had watched Allison James checking the women in the bar for the past hour. "I don't care if she friends with Gwen. She just rubs me the wrong way."
"She and Gwen are friends." Tara nodded in agreement. AJ walked down to the seat that was open next to Keegan.
"What's the matter, you don't want a beer."
"Who are you?" Keegan knew exactly who AJ was. She knew that her questions would knock AJ's ego down a few notches. AJ became pissed off. Her face turned red and her pose sifted.
"Fuck you." AJ got up and walked away. Keegan looked at Tara who shook her head and smiled.
"Your pants have got to be tight because you have got the biggest balls of anyone I have ever seen." Tara mumbled to her.
"Let her think about that for awhile." Keegan said as she turned in her stood and leaned her back against the bar. There were a couple of attractive girls in the bar. Tara joined her watching the crowd. AJ made her way towards the poolroom. There was a blonde that resembled Gwen shooting a game. Keegan shook her head. She did not need to think about Gwen. A short red head came up and asked Keegan to dance. Keegan smiled politely and declined.
"Are you seeing anyone?" Tara asked.
"No, " Keegan let out a deep breath. "My ex messed me up pretty bad. I am taking my time and seeing the sites."
"If you are thinking about Gwen, It's not gonna happen" Tara said as she watched AJ flirting with the girl in the poolroom. "It's just not."
"I know. I know." Keegan's frustration surfaced. She got another beer. "This is it. Last one and I am out of here. I want to stay out of trouble. With AJ here who know what will happen."
"I'll second that." Tara said as she got to her feet.
They walked back to the dorm together. Keegan opened the door quietly as to not wake Gwen. To her surprise Gwen was not in the room. She was thankful. In her current state, she would probably attack Gwen. Lying on her bed she thought about the prior night holding Gwen in her arms. Tara said that it wasn't gonna happen. Keegan finally admitted to herself that her feelings for Gwen were not going to be returned. She reached over and grabbed one of Gwen's pillows. She took in a deep breath trying to find the lingering scent. She held tight to the pillow as she fell asleep.