Well, this is it, the final chapter of my most favourite story I've ever written. To all the people who have asked why it couldn't be longer, the answer is simple. I wanted to write it exactly how I'd first imagined it, and every chapter has so far done that. To write on now would be pointless, as it's come to a definite end.
So many brilliant people have e-mailed me during the course of this story, and I loved all of it, every suggestion and every word of praise. But two people spring to mind as the most prominent. NC Fan and Writer Nike, please take a bow! NC Fan for taking the time to e-mail little ol' me, even though I know how busy you are, and sending me into a near state of euphoria every time you update Calming Waters, and Nike for sending me the loveliest, longest e-mails I've ever received, and always offering constructive criticism. You guys rule!
Now I'm going to wipe my tears away and let you get on with the story. I hope you enjoy it, and please e-mail me to tell me if the ending did justice to the story!
Ps. The song is Back to your Heart, and it was written by Kevin, as well as some other guy (but let's forget about that other guy for the sake of poetic licence, 'kay?
Chapter 13
AJ awoke with a start as his alarm clock started ringing loudly. He turned over, groaning, and pulled the pillow over his head. It couldn't be day yet, surely it couldn't? He felt as if he'd only been asleep for a few hours. Actually, thinking about it that made sense to him. He'd spent most of last night desperately inviting a sleep that wouldn't come. He'd drifted into a state somewhere between sleep and awake at about four am, and real sleep had followed a bit later.
Switching off his alarm clock with a bit more force than was needed; he dragged himself out of bed and instinctively went to the mirror. It had become a morning ritual now, and one that he couldn't avoid no matter how much he wanted to. As he looked into the large mirror on his wall, a wasted man stared back. Red, bloodshot eyes, too many spots than were natural for his age, and bright red hair to take some of the attention away from his face.
AJ never used to think of himself as ugly, but now the drinks and occasional drugs were starting to take their toll. He could hide it well enough with large hats and glasses, and fans loved him for this kookiness, but when he looked at himself like this, undiluted and raw, he realised that the eyes that stared back at him were those of a man that had experienced too much, too young. He used to wonder how Nick always maintained his pureness and the bright, innocent light of youth in his eyes. He soon realised that it was because the boy had been protected from the grim world of showbiz more than AJ had ever been. Even before entering the industry, AJ had had to deal with his parent's ugly divorce. Nick had always led a seemingly charmed life. Until now.
Until now. The words played in AJ's mind. What Kevin had done seemed to be despicable in everyone's eyes apart from AJ's. If anything, it made AJ love Kevin even more, because he knew what it felt like to love someone that desperately, and with such unreciprocated ends. It was simply cruel irony that that person was Kevin, but there was nothing AJ could do about it. And now he had to go into the studio with him, and act as if yesterday had never happened. He shook his head. As hard as it was, he had to do it. He could use sarcasm and spitefulness as a defence mechanism, as he had done all his life. But even that was a lie. When it came down to it, everything was a lie.
Brian rolled over contentedly as he gazed at the sleeping youth next to him.
Brian had always marvelled at Nick's ability to sleep though the alarm in the morning, but he didn't mind too much as it gave him a few extra minutes to watch him sleeping. If Nick was beautiful when he was awake, he was absolutely stunning when asleep. The way he held onto his pillow with his smooth, rounded hands, his breath soft and short, his long eyelashes delicately pressed together, and his content sighs every now and then, it was a truly amazing thing to watch. And to know that Brian could wake up to this now whenever he wanted, the thought was overwhelming. He stroked Nick's hair, regretful that he had to wake him up. The boy stirred, then opened his eyes and looked up at Brian, smiling.
"If I drank anything last night, I'd be wondering if I'd forgot my rule not to rush into sleeping with you too soon already."
"No chance." Brian smiled back. "Your morals are safe, Nicky. You were fast asleep before I even turned out the lights."
"Disappointed?"
"What do you think?" Brian rolled his eyes. "But still, it's probably for the best. Otherwise I don't think we'd ever gonna make it into the studio today."
"Oh yeah." Nick sighed. "That."
"It's okay." Brian kissed him softly on the lips before rising. "We'll get through this."
"You think the others will come?"
"Who knows?" Brian shrugged. "Who cares?"
"Brian." Nick pouted. Brian nodded, remembering.
"Okay, okay, I'll be nice." He promised him. "Even if everyone else is acting completely shitty, I'll carry on being nice."
"Thank you." Nick stood up and pulled him into a kiss. "I'm going to have a shower, okay?"
"If I'm extra nice, do you think I can join you?" Brian asked. Nick smiled suggestively.
"That's a stage four at least, Bri, and we're currently still at the end of stage one."
"You're putting our relationship into stages?" Brian's jaw dropped indignantly. "So what's stage two?"
"Light fondling." Nick smiled. He quickly slipped his hand down Brian's boxers, causing Brian to groan with unexpected pleasure. "I think we just entered it." Nick exclaimed, before pulling his hand out and heading to the bathroom.
"Prick-tease." Brian shouted after him.
"You love it really, babe." Nick shouted back. Brian smiled. He had to admit, he did.
"Okay, so Kevin and AJ are now both twenty minutes late." Peter sighed. "Anyone know why?"
"They've never been the most earliest of risers." Howie remarked snidely. Peter stood up.
"Well I'm gonna make some calls, see if I can find out where they are." He exclaimed. "Start taking a look at that sheet music. Today we're going to make a start on the tracks that you're already familiar with, but these are some of the newer ones that we'll probably record. If Kevin and AJ ever get here, that is." He muttered, before leaving the room.
"They better put on the songs I helped write." Brian remarked.
"Of course they will. You're the only one out of us with any kind of song-writing talent anyway." Nick told him.
"I know." Brian sighed as if it was a major hardship. "Man, I don't know why the fans like you the best. I mean, I'm obviously the most talented, most sincere, most attractive."
".Most egotistical one out of the lot of us." Nick finished for him. Brian laughed as he began kissing Nick softly on his neck, in soft pecks.
"But you're still the cutest." He told him. Howie rolled his eyes, sighing.
"Get a room, will ya?" He muttered.
"Aw, does Howie feel unloved?" Brian asked. "Nicky, go give Howie some love."
"You're renting me out now?" Nick opened his eyes wide in mock-hurt.
"I'm meant to be nice, remember?" Brian told him.
"Not that nice." Nick smiled. "Besides, I only wanna be yours."
"You two might be sweet if you weren't so sickly." Howie exclaimed, but he had a smile to his lips this time. Just then, the room seemed to darken as Kevin entered. Nick instinctively pulled away from hugging Brian as Kevin's dark eyes penetrated Nick's light ones. It was only a split-second glance though, before Kevin turned away and sat down as far away from everybody as he could get, which wasn't much, considering the small size of the room.
"Where's AJ?" He managed to mumble. Howie stared at him, unanswering and unflinching. Brian looked down at his hands.
"He isn't here yet." Nick said finally, unable to cope with the tension in the room. Kevin nodded, and Nick saw the pure misery in his eyes. This was absolutely unbearable and Nick realised just how brave Kevin was to have turned up in the first place.
After about five minutes of deafening silence, AJ stumbled into the room, bleary-eyed, but surprisingly wearing no sunglasses.
"Nice to see you finally." Howie commented. "Managed to drag yourself out of bed, did you?"
"I got up on time, I just had some car trouble." AJ sat down. "So where's Peter?"
"Looking for you and Kevin." Brian answered. It was his first reference to Kevin since he'd entered the room, but he said it with no contempt.
"AJ?" Kevin turned to AJ who had sitting next to him. "I wanted to talk to you."
"You've got nothing to say, Kevin." AJ whispered.
"I have, though. I've got plenty to say." Kevin answered. He pulled out a few crumpled pieces of paper from his pocket, and AJ briefly saw music of some kind before Kevin turned it away. "It's all on here."
"Your feelings for me can be summarised on a few bits of paper?" AJ blinked away some tears. "Gee, thanks, Kev."
"I've got no imagination, they're all I know how to say." Kevin whispered. He was conscious of the others watching them with interest, but knew this was something he needed to do in front of them anyway. "Will you listen to them?"
"Sure. You can't have hurt me anymore than you already have." AJ said loudly, so the others all heard it. They stared at each other in astonishment, trying to take in what was happening.
Kevin stood up and slowly walked over to the piano in the corner of the room. This was the hardest thing he had ever had to do. Not hard in the process of doing it, but hard in the sense that he didn't know what the outcome would be afterwards.
"It's not really finished yet. The tune, that is." He apologised. "But these words, they're from the heart. They're my words." He started to play a slow tune, before singing the words.
It's not that I can't live without you It's just that I don't even want to try Every night I dream about you Ever since the day we said goodbye If I wasn't such a fool Right now I'd be holding you There's nothin' that I wouldn't do Baby if I only knew The words to say The road to take To find a way back to your heart What can I do To get to you And find a way back to your heart I don't know how it got so crazy But I'll do anything to set things right 'Cause your love is so amazing Baby you're the best thing in my life Let me prove my love is real And made you feel the way I feel I promise I would give the world If only you would tell me now The words to say The road to take To find a way back to your heart What can I do To get to you And find a way back to your heart Give me one more chance, to give my love to you 'Cause no one on this earth loves you like I do, tell me The words to say The road to take To find a way back to your heart What can I do To get to you And find a way back to your heart I turn back time To make you mine And find a way back to your heart I beg and plead Fall to my knees To find a way back to your heart The words to say The road to take To find a way back to your heart What can I do To get to you And find a way back to your heart
"It's called 'Back to your Heart." Kevin stated as he finished. He looked across to AJ, who was staring at him, his mouth slightly open, making no effort to wipe away the tears that were streaming down his face. Kevin silently pleaded him to say something, anything. If AJ couldn't love him, Kevin wanted him to shout at him, curse him, hate him through words. He just couldn't bear this awful silence. But AJ remained silent, and Kevin, unable to take the questioning faces of his former friends, stumbled out of the room.
He began the long walk down the corridor, silently resigning himself to a lifetime of loneliness. There was no hope anymore, there never had been. As he made it to the door, he heard a voce shouting his name. Turning around slowly, he saw AJ running towards him. When he reached Kevin, he stood staring at him for a few seconds before he spoke.
"Why'd you go?" He asked. Kevin sighed.
"It's not hard to see, is it?"
"I was in shock, Kevin. You know I love you. I didn't stop overnight." AJ laughed through his tears. "I was just trying to take it all in."
"Oh." Kevin felt himself start to well up. Suddenly, AJ pulled Kevin close to him and kissed him passionately.
"We're gonna make this work." AJ nodded after he pulled away. "You just need to tell me one thing."
"Anything." Kevin nodded.
"Do you still love Nick?" AJ's face was full of hope. Kevin desperately wanted to say no, but knew it wasn't fair to either of them.
"I do." Kevin nodded. "Very much."
"That's okay." AJ swallowed. "I wanted to see if you'd lie to me, because I know you still do. But at least now we can have an honest relationship."
"Let me finish." Kevin placed his hand on AJ's shoulder. "I still love Nick, of course I do. But I love you just the same, if not more. So don't ever think you're second best, because you're not."
"Thank you." AJ smiled. They kissed again, and Kevin tasted the salty tears on AJ's lips. He would remember that taste forever. 3 months later. Kevin stared in diluted fear at Nick's house. Three months had passed since Kevin and AJ had got together, and while he had obviously seen Nick, he had never had the chance to talk to him alone. He wanted to apologise, mainly, but he also wanted to see if his old feelings still remained. They seemed to have fade since he had been with AJ, but every time he saw Brian kiss him, or even put his arm round him, the old feelings seemed to stir. Today, he would find out.
He knocked several times on the door before Nick answered. Nick looked at him in surprise.
"Kevin." He stated.
"Are you alone?"
"Yes."
"Can we talk?" Kevin asked. Nick nodded without further questioning and led him in.
They stood in the hallway in uncomfortable silence, before Kevin spoke. "I realised I had never apologised for the awful things I did to you." "You don't need to." Nick shook his head. "I know you're sorry." He whispered.
Kevin shut his eyes, trying to block out his feelings for Nick. They were still there, he realised now.
"But I do. When I think of what I did to you." Kevin trailed off. "It's in the past now." Nick told him. "But that isn't just why you came round, was it?"
"No." Kevin admitted. "I wanted to see if I still love you."
"And do you?"
"Yes." Kevin nodded. "I do."
"Kevin, you have AJ." Nick told him.
"I know that. And I love him as well."
"You can't have both." Nick sighed. "That night we slept together, I wasn't lying when I said I thought I could learn to love you."
"You weren't?"
"No." Nick shook his head. "But we're both in relationships now, and there's nothing we can do about it."
"How are you and Brian?"
"We're not perfect." Nick shrugged. "But we're working on it."
"Nick, will there ever be an us?"
"One day, maybe." Nick nodded. "A different time, a different place, there could be." "I'll wait then." Kevin told him. "I'll wait for that different time and place."
"So will I." Nick told him. "But for now, we have to forget about it. We can look forward to the future."
"And forget the past." Kevin added. He turned to leave, and felt Nick's eyes bear into his back.
"Tell me what you told me that night." Nick shouted after him. Kevin was already halfway out of the door. He turned round to look at Nick questioningly.
"What did I tell you?"
"I told you it was the most romantic thing anyone had ever told me."
"I can't remember." Kevin desperately tried to cast his mind back. Nick shook his head.
"Don't worry then." He answered sadly. He watched as Kevin descended down the front yard. Suddenly, the dark-haired man turned back round.
"Nick." He shouted.
"Yeah?"
"Every time I see you I fall in love again." He called to him. He saw Nick smile before closing the door.
Kevin decided he was going to find that time and place one day. Until then it was just a matter of waiting and loving. And that was the one thing in his life that wouldn't be a lie.
Do I smell a sequel? Gimme a hell yeah! Love, peace and glitter forever, Elly