Disclaimer: The following story contains activity that would be considered of homosexual nature between consenting college students. While none of it crosses into a gratuitous nature, if such material is offensive to you or you are not of the legal age to read such material in your area, please do not. Other than that, please enjoy the story!
The Living Years
Chapter 15 "What Happens at the End of a Dream"
It wasn't supposed to come out. At least, not like that. Then again, it probably wasn't supposed to come out. Wasn't going to ever come out.
And now, it was out.
Everyone knew what they'd done. Every sordid little detail.
Trey and Shawn had slept together.
It wasn't something he ever thought he'd have to look at in such an unflattering light. But it happened. He knew exactly how and when it had happened.
Shawn had been upset about his parents. Probably too upset to use his better judgment when it came to sleeping with Trey when he tried to comfort him.
But it had happened and it was like it was final, or at least that was the way Shawn had felt. He never really had thought of himself as being gay and having sex with Trey seemed like it was sealing the deal for him. And it freaked him out.
He hadn't meant to treat Trey so coldly afterwards. He was just a little freaked about what the situation meant for him personally and the both of them in general. And he hadn't meant to push Trey away when it was so obvious that he was trying to comfort him, mistaking his behavior with having something to do with his parents. And he certainly hadn't meant to push Trey into the arms of Noah.
Once he realized what he'd done he'd realized that it was over for him. He couldn't have Trey, who was the first and only guy he'd ever been attracted to, and realized that that part of his life was over as long as he couldn't have the one guy he'd ever considered himself gay for.
And he figured, if that part of his life was over, then it would be a lot easier to go back to the life he was used to. At first he found it so easy to go back to what he was used to. He wasn't completely ready to forgive Ben but realized that he was a crucial part of getting his old life back.
And he was loving it doing all the things he was used to doing before he stopped doing them so that he meshed better with Trey. But seeing the relationship that was forming between Noah and Trey, the same relationship he'd been hoping to form with him, had started to be too much for him to handle.
And the Halloween party was the snapping point for him.
It wasn't like he and Trey had agreed to keep the fact that they'd slept together some big secret. Although it might as well been one considering how they never talked about it. It almost seemed like it didn't happen. But that wasn't something he wanted to forget if possible.
So now not only had he ruined any chance of a relationship he'd had with Trey, he probably ruined the budding relationship Trey had with Noah. He was only slightly unhappy about that part.
He'd never really liked Noah and still didn't. Even if they weren't both interested in the same guy he most likely wouldn't have liked him anyway. Their personalities just didn't mesh well. They were two completely different people, and obviously it was the differences in Noah that Trey seemed to like better. Or else they wouldn't be together. Or at least, wouldn't be.
It was like the party wasn't real. Like it never happened; some kind of dream. Or at least, that was the way that Trey had been treating the entire situation as far as he and Shawn were concerned.
It was a dream that always began and ended the same way.
He and Shawn would be alone in their room and he'd notice Shawn crying, which he'd always find as weird considering Shawn didn't seem the type to just break down, especially in front of him. He'd go ask about it to which Shawn would respond that he was scared. Trey would inquire as to what he was afraid of and get the same answer every time.
"This whole thing. I feel like I'm just making things worse."
"Because you won't talk to me."
Shawn would nod. Trey would be at a loss for words.
"I see how much you like him. I know I can't compete."
"Why does it have to be a competition? Can't we all just be friends?"
"You know I don't wanna be just friends with you, Trey."
And he'd stare at Shawn not knowing what he'd want him to say or do. It seemed like just staring at Shawn, right then in that moment of his rare vulnerability had caused a rush of feelings in him that showed him some insight into what his friend was thinking.
It was like at that moment the two of them understood each other better than anyone else in their lives. Like they connected in ways that no one else could connect with them.
And that was when it would happen. They'd slowly lean in and kiss, lips gently brushing together. The kissing would start off slow but begin to get heavier as their breathing intensified. Things would continue before Trey would realize where things were leading and pull away, looking deeply into Shawn's eyes.
"I've never..."
"Me neither."
"So...go slow?"
"Yeah."
And then it happened. Like a beautiful storm of emotions. It seemed like there were lots of lights and colors and sounds and smells but it wasn't like that at all. It was just the two of them together. In a moment in time that they thought would finally bring their lives full circle.
And then reality set in.
Trey realized that it wasn't making love for the first time with anybody, let alone a guy, that had happened. But rather it had been him cheating on his boyfriend, giving himself away to someone else for the first time before he did Noah.
That was reality. And reality sucked.
And because reality sucked, Trey did whatever it took to make sure that he didn't have to think about his mistake. And Shawn made that pretty easy with his `morning after' behavior as well.
But the whole the hinged on Noah, or no one else for that matter, ever finding out. And for some reason, Shawn decided that he was not only going to ruin his own life but Trey's as well.
And he was. Alone.
Actually he wasn't the only one not being talked to by someone. In the three days since the party nearly everyone involved in the now infamous Two Truths and a Lie game had gone out of their way to avoid anyone else involved.
Grace and Zoey weren't speaking.
Jesse and Nick weren't speaking.
Ben and Shawn weren't speaking.
Trey and Shawn weren't speaking.
And Noah and Trey weren't speaking.
No one seemed to really be speaking to anyone. It was just one gigantic mess that instead of trying to be adults and work through them, they instead resorted to acting like three year olds and ignoring it altogether, as if they half expected it to go away.
The end of it was, it wasn't going away and they all knew it.
Trey had absolutely no idea how he was going to get through the weekend. While he'd definitely started to come out of his shell more, he still had basically the same circle of friends. And with no one speaking to him, it was like he had no friends.
Which meant he was back to last year when he had no one. Knowing he had friends that weren't talking to him and making him feeling alone was a lot more difficult for him to deal with than not having any friends at all because in the latter case, he was used to it. He'd be able to deal with it better.
Now he had no idea what he was going to do.
It was Friday and classes had been cancelled due to a popular talk show host coming to the school to talk and do a whole bunch of other stuff Trey wasn't interested in. With nothing to do and nowhere to go, Trey was having trouble trying to find something to do.
Shawn meanwhile hadn't changed at all since their little secret had come out. He hadn't been talking much to Trey before and he wasn't doing so now. It was like he'd only told everyone that they'd slept together for the sole purpose of ruining his life. Or at least, that was the way it felt to him.
Shawn was sitting in his bed, watching his fourth movie in 24 hours. Trey knew this because he hadn't really been to sleep the night before as he'd had too much on his mind. He was busy thinking about how he was going to try to fix all his various friendships with everyone and the best way to go about it.
But when it came right down to it, he had no idea.
He found himself staring at his alarm clock even after it had gone off, not really thinking about it. The time started at 7:15 but as he continued to stare at it the time had changed to 7:19 when he heard Shawn calling his name.
"Turn off the fucking alarm clock," he was grumbling, still staring at his computer screen displaying the movie of the morning.
Trey stared over at Shawn for a few seconds before swatting at the alarm clock causing it to fall to the ground and crack on one of it's sides. It did turn off though. Probably because it was broken, Trey noted.
"Did you think it was gonna be like this?" Trey asked out loud.
He'd told himself he wasn't going to talk to Shawn and he wasn't going to bring up the party but the truth was that was all he could think about and it was going to continue to be all he thought about until he sorted through it.
Shawn, who for his part had been doing the same thing as Trey when it came to not bringing up the party actually found himself annoyed when Trey started speaking to him suddenly. He paused his movie and looked over at him.
"What?"
"I mean," Trey started, sitting up more in his bed. "Our college experience. Did you ever think it'd end up so complicated so fast?"
Shawn didn't say anything for a few moments as he thought about it.
So far he'd been through more drama in two months than his entire 4 years in high school. The same was probably true for Trey as well. And they'd gone through everything together as well.
"I guess not....no."
Trey wasn't sure what to say next. He just started talking and now he had to come up with something to say next.
"What are we? You and me. Are we really gay?"
Shawn looked over at Trey.
"I don't know. Are you?"
"I don't know."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
Trey sat back on his bed and looked up at the ceiling, thinking further.
"Why did you tell everyone about....you know?"
Shawn followed Trey's lead and sat back in his bed as well.
"I don't know. I...I don't like surprises."
"What do you call that then?"
"Look I just didn't want there to be anything holding me back from anything. And who cares anyway."
"I care! You didn't even think about me when you opened your big mouth and told everyone. Then again, that doesn't really surprise me."
Trey thought he was going to fix things. He thought he was somewhat establishing a good dynamic with Shawn again.
Then he opened his mouth.
"Oh I'm sorry," Shawn started, sitting up in bed abruptly. "I wasn't aware it was supposed to be a secret. And newsflash Trey, not everything is about you, despite your best efforts to make everyone think that's true."
"What's that supposed to mean?" Trey asked angrily, bolting upright.
Shawn sighed and didn't respond. Trey glared at him.
"Look, maybe we should just-"
"No. I wanna know what the hell you mean."
"Alright," Shawn started. "This whole thing with you and me and Noah-"
"What-"
"Taking your time trying to figure out what you wanted while you strung us along-"
"I never did that!" Trey objected, half heartedly.
"And then when you make a decision you pretend like nothing happened between us so you could go off and play happy with Noah."
"That's bullshit," Trey objected, getting up. "I don't wanna hear this right now."
"Because you know it's true! Oh and don't think you're gonna be able to fix this one. You screwed things up too much this time. Not that you'd ever make a decision like that."
Trey was no longer paying attention as he was grabbing the first articles of clothing he could get his hands on, quickly throwing them on along with socks and shoes and his keys and jacket.
Shawn didn't even flinch when Trey stormed out of the room letting the door slam behind him. He was determined not to let Trey get to him anymore, despite what his heart seemed to be trying to tell him to the contrary.
Jesse was starting to feel a little like he felt when he started to believe that Amber was out to get him when it came to his brother.
There was no denying that little game they'd all decided to play had been brutal on everyone. But only because everyone had made it that way. No one, it seemed, wanted to face the consequences of their actions, he noticed, as no one was talking to each other. That didn't bother him much, considering he wasn't exactly friends with any of them.
And he'd thought it wouldn't bother him that his brother had been angry with what he said. After all, he did mean all the words that had come out of his mouth. Nick proved the part of him behaving like a child to be true when he abruptly stopped speaking to him. Not that they'd spoken much before.
Only, his message obviously hadn't gotten as through to him as he would have liked since Nick had made no plans to pack up and go anywhere, whatsoever.
No, he'd stuck to his regular routine of hogging his loo and messing up his flat. Not to mention the wild screams of...whatever that came from the spare bedroom late at night that indicated he had a girl every night in the three days since the party.
If only not talking to him was the worst thing that could've happened.
Now he was beginning to feel like his brother was up to something. He certainly wouldn't put it past him. He was a Yorkshire, like him. You didn't get to be a member of that family if you weren't always thinking on your feet.
The only question remained as to what his brother was planning and when it was going to happen.
"Is there no breakfast left for me then?" Jesse asked upon entering his kitchen area and realizing that his brother had gotten rid of all the food his weekend chef had prepared for him.
Nick didn't even bother to look up at Jesse as he turned the page of the magazine he was reading.
Jesse moved his jaw from side to side in disbelief before letting out an overly dramatic loud sigh and heading into the kitchen anyway.
"I always knew you were good for nothing," he started. "But this, this tops the cake. I mean, what happened to those days were you actually did something with your time, however unproductive?"
Jesse could tell he was pushing the right buttons for his brother to respond to him.
"Yes I'd imagine life is quite dull for you now and heavy what with that gigantic grudge you've been carrying around the past three days."
"Yeah well when my own brother tells me he hates my fucking guts-"
"Not quite in those words, but..."
This was happening, Jesse knew that much. His brother had somehow actually found a reason to be mad at him. That's it, ONE reason. Meanwhile, Jesse could fill textbooks with reasons of why he could be upset with his brother.
Yet, even though it was apparently obvious that his brother had heard him loud and clear during the party, the message must not have been clear enough to get him the hell out of his place and back on the road towards his latest destination or goal to spend all of their father's money doing nothing.
"You know, when I said what I did the other night, I actually meant it," Jesse started, leaning over the kitchen island facing the back of his brothers head away on the couch. "This is one of those times where the place just isn't big enough for the both of us."
"Is this a jealousy thing for you?" Nick started, turning around to face his brother. "Do you want to expedite me because you're afraid of what having me around will do to your social life?"
"If by that you mean some kind of negative effect, then yes."
"You've always been jealous of me. That's why you have this grudge-"
"Suddenly I have a grudge, do I? Yes, Nicholas there's loads for me to be jealous of. Let's go over a list of your finest achievements shall we?"
Nick sighed as he turned partially back around preparing himself for another one of Jesse's verbal assaults.
"You barely graduated high school with a minimum passing mark, only to roam the free world in search of the next greatest keg stands and Jello-filled hot tubs brimming with barely legal inebriated lasses. All this after you never went to college. And that's where it ends. Feel free to add insult to injury for me."
"You think you have me all figured out, don't you?"
Jesse rolled his eyes as he turned around and started looking around his kitchen.
"Sadly I'm afraid even Paris Hilton could read you over flat."
"Well then," Nick started. "I guess there's no changing your mind. I mean, since you already think I cater to the lowest common denominator."
"Well don't you? Dammit, all the milk is gone too? You're just filled with use and purpose aren't you, Nicholas?"
Nick sat back, staring at but not watching the flat screen tv before him. He had no idea his brother felt the way he did about him. To some degree, he was right about him. After all, he was never around to give Jesse any other impression of himself.
But he had no idea at how coldhearted and self centered his brother had become. And he realized something. If his brother could be that way then so could he.
"I gotta ask," Jeremy started.
"Don't," Noah objected, continuing to toss his tennis ball up towards the ceiling.
Jeremy managed to get to some kind of stopping point on his game before he looked away from his computer screen and over at Noah, turning in his chair as he did.
"So you're not gonna ever tell me?"
"Nope."
Every day, at least twice a day, Jeremy would ask what happened at the party to make Noah so upset. He only figured that Noah was upset because of the way he first acted after coming home from the party. By now he pretty much knew his roommate and his moods and patterns and he wasn't behaving like himself at all.
What gave it all away, however, was how much time Noah spent in the room. In the two months since school had started, Noah had stayed in the room in less straight through hours than he did the past three days. Noah had been in his room the past three days. Only in his room. Not leaving for class and not leaving for anything else. It wasn't like he needed to, he figured. Jeremy had enough snacks for the both of them and they had their own bathroom and shower.
Noah himself wasn't really sure why he was being such a hermit. Sure, Trey had slept with Shawn. Or so Shawn said. But he wasn't sure if that was what had him hiding in his room or something else entirely.
And because he couldn't pinpoint it, he figured he could stay in his room until he did.
"Dude, even I don't skip class," Jeremy said.
Noah stopped throwing his ball, catching it temporarily.
"All but one of your classes are online and the one that isn't is only once a week," he said. "Shut the hell up."
"Aren't we friends though?" Jeremy asked.
Noah didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings but the last thing he considered them was friends.
"It doesn't have anything to do with that Zoey girl does it?"
Noah looked over at Jeremy incredulously.
"Because she's hot. You think she has a boyfriend?"
"Apparently people think she's a lesbian," Noah replied nonchalantly before going back to tossing his tennis ball over his head.
"That's hotter. She seems like the kind of girl who'd be into cosplay. Which is good since I was thinking of going to this years convention-"
"He slept with Shawn," Noah found himself blurting out.
He told himself he wasn't going to talk about it but he realized that he really currently had no one else to talk to and he it was obviously on his mind. That and he was hoping to shut Jeremy up with his geek talk.
"What?" Jeremy asked, turning his computer screen off.
Noah stopped tossing the ball and sighed, thinking about what he'd said. His boyfriend, or at least the guy he thought was his boyfriend, slept with another guy. And then he didn't bother to tell him that either before they started trying to build their relationship.
He wasn't really sure what bothered him more. The fact that he'd slept with another guy or the fact that the guy had been Shawn. He wished he could believe it never even happened. But Trey's reaction after the reveal had pretty much been all the confirmation he needed. And enough to keep him away from him the past three days.
"Did you just say someone slept with some guy named Shawn? Who's Shawn and why is he sleeping with guys?"
"We were just starting up, you know? It was always me or him and I thought he picked me. He picked him first I guess. I feel so stupid now."
"Are we talking about that guy Trey? The one you said was-"
"Yes Jeremy I'm talking about Trey. And you can forget what I just said, I'm shutting up now."
Jeremy stared at Noah for a few moments before looking down and then back over at him.
"You know, I'm not an expert on relationships-"
"I know-"
"But it sounds to me like this Trey guy sleeping with this Shawn guy means more to you than you're letting on."
Noah didn't say anything as he instead just listened.
"And as much as I like having you around, even I know you're not a hermit. You need to talk to the guy. Let him know how you feel, get the full story. It's probably the only way you're gonna get any peace of mind out of this."
Noah thought about his roommates words for a few seconds before sitting up and looking over at him.
"And who says you don't know anything about relationships?" he said, grinning.
"Every online girlfriend I've ever had," Jeremy replied. "They really do take my money when I'm in need you know. Well, digital money anyway."
"See THAT's what you should be doing with your time," Noah grinned standing up to stretch.
"What handing out free advice in an area I have absolutely no expertise in? Yeah no thanks."
Noah found himself laughing for the first time since the party but stopped when there was a knock at the door, looking over at Jeremy.
"Sorry, I don't do the Jedi mind reading who's at the door trick. That's a different kind of geek."
Noah chuckled to himself as half jogged over to the door, opening it up completely surprised with who was standing before him.
"You don't think I'm a lesbian do you?" Zoey asked, arms crossed.
"Uhhhh...."
"Because I'm not," Zoey continued as she walked into the room leaving Noah standing behind her still semi shocked. "I have a boyfriend you know. He's just a busy person."
"Nice to see you too, Zoey," Noah replied, shutting the door and turning around as he crossed his arms.
Jeremy started tossing various empty chip bags and soda cans into the small trashcan next to his desk before straightening himself out in an effort to seem more presentable.
"Why hello there," Jeremy spoke in a falsely deep voice.
Zoey glanced over at him briefly before turning her attention back to Noah.
"And thanks for sticking up for me at the party too. You're a true friend through and through."
"Maybe if you didn't storm off and play let's shut out the world for three days-"
"Right because you've left me exactly zero messages since then too."
"Guys, guys, let's not argue," Jeremy tried cutting in.
"This is all Grace's fault," Zoey said, helping herself to a soda in Jeremy's mini fridge before plopping herself down atop Noah's bed. "Her and that tanning bed slut Shawn brought to the party."
"Looks like this Shawn guy is causing all kinds of trouble," Jeremy mumbled aloud.
Zoey and Noah looked over at him temporarily before getting back to their conversation.
"This totally sucks," Zoey sighed, as she fell on her back on the bed. "I'm not talking to her anymore. And I don't get why this is bothering me. It's gonna completely push me to chain smoke, I can tell."
"You smoke?" Jeremy asked, curiously.
"Since when do you care what people think about you?" Noah asked.
"I don't," Zoey replied. "It's always nice to put into perspective people's perception of you though."
"Well you know who you are," Noah replied. "At least you don't have to deal with knowing your boyfriend slept with your worst enemy."
"Oh, yeah I know all about that," Jeremy spoke, still trying to insinuate himself into the ongoing conversation.
Both Zoey and Noah looked over at him again.
"Well, I mean, not exactly...I meant, you know what I mean-"
"Anyway," Zoey interrupted. "I'm thinking of taking a nine month sabbatical to France until this whole party situation blows over. Wanna come with?"
"Any hot French guys in it for me?" Noah asked.
"Only if you find one for me first."
"I once played with a guy from France online in a party battle. It's true what we say about them. They really do suck. Hard."
Again, Noah and Zoey looked over at him.
"You know, between the three of us, you're definitely the gayest," Noah said.
"Definitely," Zoey added.
Jeremy looked them over to determine how serious they were being.
"That's like a joke right? I mean....you guys are just messing with me?"
Neither of them responded.
"Right?"
"Sure," Noah replied just to shut Jeremy up before turning his attention back to Zoey. "But you and me, we're still cool right?"
"I guess so," Zoey replied. "Who else am I gonna get to be my man candy so everyone forgets about the lesbian party outburst thing."
"Well you know-"
"Don't even go there guy," Zoey cut Jeremy off before he could finish the thought.
Noah was happy that he and Zoey were finally back to speaking again, even if the reason why they'd stopped in the first place was still unclear to him. He just wished that he could be happier in general. He knew that he still had problems with Trey and that he wasn't going to be able to avoid them forever.
He just dreaded the thought of having to face him.
"That bitch Zoey ain't out there with you is she?" Trey heard Grace call out from the other side of her dorm room door.
Even though he knew she wasn't, for some reason he looked to his left and right side anyway before finding himself being pulled into Grace's room, the door shutting behind him.
"Umm.."
"Took you long enough," Grace started, walking over a pile of magazines in the middle of the floor to get to her side of the room.
"Huh?" Trey asked, confused.
"I didn't know we was on that no talking diet too. Shit, I'm mad at Zoey, not yo ass."
Trey walked over to the chair next to Grace's bed and sat in it as Grace muted her television, laying sideways on her bed propping her head up with her hand.
"I should be a freshman like you. She know I got all them damn AP credits. How would that make my ass stupid or whatever the hell she said?"
"Uhh..."
"I know who my real friends are now."
Trey wasn't really sure what to say to her rant. Mostly because he didn't really think she was seriously angry with Zoey. Zoey called her stupid but it was obvious no one really believed she was. And he was pretty sure Grace knew Zoey wasn't a dyke. As far as he knew they were just women being women.
"You can't have Shawn telling people ya'll over here fucking and shit and sit on that for three days," Grace spoke, sitting up and crossing her legs Indian-style. "Spill boy."
Trey sighed and leaned back in the chair.
That was the very reason he'd decided to stop by, he knew that. But talking about it, he wasn't sure where to start.
"Is it true?" Grace asked.
Trey looked over at Grace, feeling somewhat hesitant to respond before he actually did indeed nod.
"Oh my god, boy that's...that's...wait, ain't you and Noah-"
"I know, I know. I ruined things," Trey sighed.
Grace looked over Trey before leaning back on the bed.
"When did it happen?"
Trey looked down.
"I don't know...a while ago. It was before me and Noah...it doesn't matter now. Shawn doesn't want me and Noah definitely doesn't want me. How do I go from having two guys to none?"
"By sleeping with the one you aren't dating."
"Yeah, rub that in," Trey sighed, standing up, beginning to pace around the room.
All he'd been doing was thinking about what had happened, playing out all the various scenarios of what went wrong and how over and over in his mind and he still found himself feeling confused. He was too the point where his head was starting to hurt thinking about it all. He was always such a sensible person. He knew he didn't need all the stress and all the drama but the bottom line was that he was the reason for all of it, no one else.
"Child, don't even ask me how to help," Grace started. "You seen how well my love life goes. Men cheat on my ass. And beat up my best friends."
Trey chuckled before looking around the room silently again.
"How come your roommate's never around?" he asked, looking her side of the room over, which was slightly above the level of Shawn's side of the room in his dorm room.
"Roxanne's a party girl," Grace replied. "I think she's trying to get into some sorority or some shit. I only ever see her ass drunk."
"That can't be pretty."
"Unless you like cleaning up someone else's vomit."
Saying that made Trey remember back to when he was drunk and how Shawn had taken such good care of him. Of how everyone, including Noah had taken such good care of him. He had really great friends. A really tight knit, close support system. And yet, somehow, everyone had managed to screw that up, himself included.
"We have to fix things," he suddenly found himself blurting out.
"Huh?" Grace asked.
Trey turned around and walked back over to Grace.
"We can't let things stay the way they are right now. We're in college."
"Exactly," Grace replied. "This ain't high school. We ain't gotta stay friends to certain people just to save face. If a bitch is a bitch, you leave her ass alone and go make new friends."
"We're supposed to be adults, Grace," Trey replied. "I know you don't really think Zoey's a lesbian."
Grace shrugged.
"Grace!"
"I know," Grace replied. "But she called me stupid. I get to be mad too."
Trey sat back down.
"Yeah well if there's a chance for us to all make things right again we have to take it right?"
Grace tilted her head before shrugging again.
"I guess so."
"So," Trey started. "How do we fix things?"
He was committed to this. Determined. He wanted to have things go back to being great between all of them by the end of the day. He was sure they would be.
"Ugh, give me a house blend. Dark," Jesse mumbled, taking his sunglasses off. "I'm having a really bad day so make it fast."
Exactly who did his brother thought he was had been the thing he'd been trying to figure out all morning.
He was staying in his flat, free of charge. Eating all of his food, again, absolutely free. Using his water, his heat, electricity, everything absolutely free and yet had the nerve to be upset with him over his own behavior.
It wasn't like he'd made up the things he's said to Nicholas. Every word had been true. Granted, it had all come out a little harsher and abruptly than he would have liked no thanks to that stupid game they'd been playing, but it had all been true nonetheless. And yet, instead of catching on, he sticks around and sulks like the immature 21 year old that he was.
Of course, worrying about all that left him with nothing to do other than to sit around and reflect on it some more.
"Here you go."
Jesse took his cup and walked over to a table near one of large windows at the front of the café. He was trying to keep himself from feeling depressed by doing all the he normally would do but it was a hard feat.
He was finally starting to realize some things about himself. He had no friends. Sure, Noah, Shawn and the other gay people they hung around let them hang out with him but he wouldn't exactly call them friends as much as he would good acquaintances and even that was pushing it.
He had no one he could talk to about his brother. He wouldn't have even really had anyone to talk to back in London. He never really let himself get close to anyone and he wasn't sure why.
Maybe he needed to start being friendlier. Maybe he needed to start extending his hand of friendship to even the most random people, he thought.
Maybe he needed...
He stopped thinking about his problems as he realized that some random guy was taking a seat across from him at his small table.
"Can I help you with something?" Jesse asked defensively.
The guy, a semi tall blonde haired, blue eyed looking athlete with, Jesse noticed, a good sense of fashion, stared at him for a few seconds before snapping out of it.
"Uh, sorry it's just....you're...Jesse...Yorkshire right? The guy from London that everyone talks about?"
Jesse regarded him curiously.
"You know who I am?"
"Oh yeah, totally," The guy replied, suddenly feeling more comfortable as he leaned forward with a huge smile on his face. "You're always in the British tabloids for some thing or another. How could I not know you?"
Jesse was amazed and highly impressed with the guy. He'd all but given up hope of anyone ever recognizing where he was from and that he was just as big a celebrity as he claimed to be. It was like someone was answering his prayers.
This was almost too good an opportunity for him to pass up.
"So, you know about me, eh?" he started with a grin, leaning forward as well. "Tell me, which side do you think I look better on in the photos? Left or right?"
"Both," the guy replied.
"And what a fine answer that was..."
"Connor. Connor Davis."
"Well then Connor Davis, what brings you by the school coffee shop so early? I take it that means you're a student here?"
"Yeah, a freshman," Connor replied. "I was supposed to be out practicing, I run track. But I overslept and my team is completely gone now. I think I'm just gonna blow it off today."
"That's perfect," Jesse spoke with confidence. "That's gives you plenty of time to spend with me. To learn from one of the greats."
"Really?" Connor asked, wide eyed with surprise. "I mean...don't you have like celebrity stuff to do?"
Jesse thought for a moment.
"Today's all about blowing things off right?" he decided to reply. "Come on. First thing's first, we get you some sunglasses. Never be caught dead in public without them"
"Gotcha," Connor replied as he and Jesse started out of the coffee shop.
"Wait, I changed my mind," Trey started, as he turned to head back down the hallway only to be pulled back by Grace.
"Boy come on," Grace replied. "We already said what was gonna happen. You was gonna try to work things out with Noah."
"Right and you're supposed to be doing the same with Zoey," Trey added.
Grace rolled her eyes in a way that would suggest that she hadn't intended on keeping her end of the bargain as she knocked on Noah's dorm room door.
Trey was visibly nervous. This was going to be the first time he'd seen Noah since it had all come out. It was weird for him because even though there had been times where he wanted to avoid Noah, mostly at the beginning of the semester, he could attest to never being at odds with him like he constantly found himself with Shawn.
But now he was completely shut out from Noah and he had absolutely no idea what it was going to take to get back to a friendly state with him, if it was even possible.
"You ready?" Grace asked.
Trey didn't respond because he honestly wasn't sure that he was. It had been his idea in the first place, though, so he knew he needed to go through with it. Even if he was scared out of his mind.
"...too early for pizza...oh," it was Zoey at the door, not looking too happy to see either of them.
"Who's at the..." Noah stopped in the middle of the question upon seeing Trey.
Trey was too ashamed of himself to look him back in the eyes.
"Look, I know ya'll don't wanna see us and we don't exactly wanna see you," Grace started.
"Gee, what a tender start," Zoey started.
"We need to get past this shit already so we can all be cool again," Grace finished.
Zoey sighed angrily and crossed her arms while Trey just continued to stare at the ground, feeling too afraid to look Noah in the eyes.
It was Jeremy, however who managed to break the silence and awkwardness as he moved past Noah and Zoey to get through the door and into the hallway.
"Don't mind me. I'm just pretending like I actually have friends and a life so you guys can have the room," he said. "Try not to be long though, I have a guy in China willing to sell me all of his Mercilon weaponry half off resale value. "
After he was gone, everyone still stood in their respective spots before Grace took a hold of Zoey.
"Come on girl-"
"Hey!"
"Girl!" Grace exclaimed through gritted teeth as she pulled Zoey along down the hall.
Realizing that he'd be standing there forever if he didn't speak up, Trey finally managed to get himself to look up and over at Noah.
"Um...can we talk?" he asked.
Noah wanted to tell Trey off. To tell him to go away and leave him alone but part of him wanted to know why. He wanted to know why Shawn was good enough for him but he hadn't been. At least not before.
He didn't respond, instead just stepped aside to let Trey into the room before shutting the door behind him.
Trey walked until he was in the center of the room, his back to Noah before taking a deep breath and turning around to face him. He noticed that Noah didn't look to happy. His arms were crossed and he looked like he was going to discount anything he had to say. Like he'd already made up his mind to toss him out of his life for good.
Trey was about to start speaking but was surprised when Noah beat him to the punch.
"Why?"
He was a bit caught off guard, but swallowed, preparing himself for the entire conversation.
"What?"
"Why him? I mean, you knew we both liked you, I don't think that was a secret. Why would you....why?"
Trey wasn't really sure he had an answer for that. Sleeping with Shawn had been a big mistake, that much he knew now. But that was the only thing he was sure about. Looking back on it, he couldn't really find a valid reason as to why he'd slept with Shawn. Sure the attraction was there, but he just didn't feel right about the whole thing now. That was something else he was unsure about.
"I don't know," was all that Trey could offer Noah.
Noah snorted as he rolled his eyes and uncrossed his arms with a sigh.
Trey felt like even though he had no explanation, he still needed to give Noah one.
"I was confused and afraid and Shawn, he was-"
"I don't care!" Noah barked.
Trey actually found himself flinching at the statement. He knew this wasn't going to be easy but he wasn't expecting to go as it has so far.
"You have to know, I would never have done it while we together. But when it happened, we weren't together and...I don't know, it happened and I can't take it back now."
"Whatever, you know what just go," Noah started, opening the door.
"Noah!" Trey exclaimed.
Trey knew he made a mistake sleeping with Shawn. He knew he made another mistake by not telling Noah about it and allowing it to come out in the tacky way that it had come out. But it wasn't like he'd cheated on Noah. They literally had just gotten together before he found out. Technically, he hadn't even done anything wrong.
"You wanna stand here and try to make the fact that YOU slept Shawn sound less shady than it is? Fine, but I don't have to let you-"
"Noah, you need to calm down! Seriously, I'm just trying to-"
"What? Just trying to what?"
Trey wasn't liking how things were going. They were both getting to emotional. He needed to do something, fast.
"Can you come with me?" he asked.
Noah frowned.
"Huh?"
"Just," Trey started towards the door. "Come on."
"Wait, no I don't think-"
"Noah if you ever cared about me at all you'll come with me," Trey spoke.
Noah realized that even though he was upset with Trey, it wasn't like learning that he'd slept with Shawn had just erased his feelings for him. He wasn't sure what it would take for something like that to happen. So he knew that he had no choice but to agree.
It was after all, deep down what he wanted. To make things right with Trey. And if there was any hope of that at all, he was going to take it.
"Fine," he replied, still not totally ready to give into Trey emotionally.
"Okay," Trey replied, still feeling like he had his work cut out for him.
"Oh, it's you," Ben mumbled with distaste before shuffling back over to his computer to turn his music back up on his computer.
Shawn stood at the door, partially nervous and partially dumfounded at his best friend. He looked over at the bed sitting directly next to the wall by the door he was standing at to see Ben's roommate, Spencer, playing with one of the latest gaming handhelds with a game that sounded something like basketball.
"Shawny! What is UP dude? You can't keep not stopping by man, it really messes with my flow," Spencer spoke, not even looking up from his game.
Shawn managed to grin before replying.
"You don't have any flow, Spence" he replied, shutting the door slowly behind him.
"At least he's not a fag," Shawn heard Ben say over the music.
Shawn's grin faded as he looked over at Ben.
Spencer paused his game and looked up.
"Whoa, you two are fighting so I'm gonna go eat," Spencer replied. "If there's blood on the floor when I get back, I'm seriously gonna kick ass."
"Didn't you just eat?" Ben asked, somewhat annoyed that Spencer was trying to leave him.
"Yeah but my girlfriend just broke up with me and I need an excuse to kick someone's ass," Spencer replied, standing up and slipping on a pair of flip flops, heading for the door. "So, make me proud boys."
Shawn chuckled to himself as Spencer exited the room before realizing that he had nothing to be happy about once he looked over at Ben's mean scowl.
Ben, who'd been looking over at him previously, turned to face his computer screen.
"Can you turn that down so we can talk?" Shawn asked.
He was nervous but he and Ben had been best friends for years. He knew well enough how to handle him when they fought. Of course, this time was completely different and that's what made him so nervous.
"No," Ben replied.
Since Ben was actually talking to him, Shawn knew that there was still a chance for him to make things right. Which was why he didn't hesitate in standing up and walking over to him to turn off his music.
"What the hell man!"
"We need to talk Ben!"
"You wait three days after humiliating me and yourself with that little speech you made about sleeping with your fag roommate and you're angry with me?"
Shawn took a step back.
"I'm trying to explain here-"
"Tell me something, did you know? Back when I was kicking the shit out of that guy that hit on me in the bar that night? Did you know you were like him then too-"
"Hey I'm not like him-"
"Oh then what are you?"
Shawn paused and looked down at the ground for a moment.
"I...I don't know what I am. That's why I'm so confused Ben, don't you get it?"
"Actually no, I don't," Ben replied, leaning back in his chair in a position that made Shawn suddenly feel like he was prey caught in Ben's spider web. "I thought you liked pussy just as much as me man. You...you had girlfriends!"
"I know all that-"
"Oh shit, I've been naked in front of you. Like a lot...we're you checking me out?"
"Ben-"
"Get out!"
"Ben-"
"I don't hang around fags! Get the fuck out before I throw you out!"
Having Ben in actually fist fights with Ben before and actually witnessing first hand what he was capable of when it came to beating up fags, he decided it would be wise if he didn't put up a struggle.
He started towards the door, leaving Ben glaring furiously at his back before he paused and turned around.
"Remember when I gave you a second chance?" he asked. "I think you should think about giving me one too."
"Not happening," Shawn heard Ben mumble as he left his room feeling utterly defeated.
"You have the fucking coolest life," Connor spoke as he and Jesse started back upstairs towards their apartment.
"Yes, well it comes naturally," Jesse replied with a beaming smile even though in the back of his mind he was very worried about something.
The last time he felt like he was being followed and watched it turned out that he actually was. The feeling wasn't as strong as earlier when he'd realized that his brother had been following him around, but it was still there.
He was trying to keep a cautious eye out while still thoroughly enjoying himself with Connor. AS it turned out, Connor was exactly the kind of guy he was used to being friends with back in London. Or at least the kind of friends he usually kept, which were just more or less people who liked to hang around him for his money. Which didn't really bother him just as long as he was the life of the party.
Connor seemed to be a fan of everything he was a fan of. It also helped that he didn't mind doing all the same things he liked doing. It was almost like the two of them were brothers, which Jesse completely wouldn't have minded given the way his real brother behaved.
But he was trying not to think about anything negative as he showed Connor around the school, making up various stories about how he was always the life of the party everywhere and in every class. True he was usually the life of a real party but as far as his classes went he blended in like all the other regular people. Which bugged him enough to make up stories to tell Connor.
"Didn't you say you had a brother?" Connor asked as Jesse fished in his pockets for his keys.
He didn't remember telling Connor that but he saw no other way he could have figured it out and just nodded.
"Unfortunately," Jesse replied. "When we get in there and you see a guy who looks like the bum off the street he is, just ignore him. I do."
"O...kay," Connor replied, sounding slightly confused.
Jesse opened the door and led Connor inside before entering himself and shutting the door behind him.
Connor looked around like he was looking around a king's palace.
"You can do all this to an on campus apartment?" he asked in wonder.
"Well," Jesse started, crossing his arms looking very pleased with himself. "Everyone has their price. And this greedy school has a high one, believe me."
"I mean, I thought all these apartments were shitty," Connor started. "I have a friend that lives here. You should see his place."
Jesse had actually thought Connor looked familiar after they'd spent some time together and hearing that made him realize why. He must have seen him hanging around the place before.
"Believe it or not I once called Sorority Lane here on campus home," Jesse started as he showed Connor around.
"Aren't sorority's only for the females?" Connor asked.
"Exactly my point. Think of the heaven I was in."
Connor knowingly grinned at Jesse as he took off his jacket and looked over the large 50 inch flat screen television sitting at the front of the room.
"Of course the women here a much less docile than those in London. Some of them can be rather out of control."
"Totally," Connor agreed.
Jesse liked spending time with Connor. Not because there was anything special about him but because he actually for once had someone to spend time with. Someone who was genuinely interested in him and hadn't even asked to borrow money or to be bought something. He was almost like....he wanted to think about how Noah and his friends had treated him recently but then he realized that if he had Connor, he didn't need them.
He had a real friend.
"So," Connor started. "Where's the bedroom?"
"I'm sorry?"
"Well if you took over a whole two apartments I'm just wondering how much bigger that is."
"Oh it's big, let me assure you. Come on."
Connor smiled as Jesse started towards the bedroom.
Jesse and Connor had both been doing a lot of walking during the day, much longer than Jesse normally like to stay on his feet. He was starting to feel the effects of all that walking as he rubbed his neck, letting Connor inside his room, which his housekeeper had managed to clean while he was out.
"Behold the king's domain," Jesse spoke. "I think the lighting in here is just perfect. It really brings out the best of me, I think."
"Yeah, yeah it's nice," Connor spoke looking all around the room before resting his eyes on Jesse who was still rubbing his neck. "Oh, you uh...you hurt your neck?"
"Well it's just a little sore from all the site seeing. I'll be fine."
"Did I tell you my mom's a masseuse?" Connor asked.
Jesse stared at him for a few seconds as if that had been a rhetorical question before taking his hand off of his neck and responding.
"Ah, no, no you didn't," he replied, trying to keep from sounding like he wasn't interested.
"Here," Connor started, leading Jesse to his bed. "Lay down."
"What, I don't-"
"Jesse I'm not gonna bite you or anything, let me take care of your neck."
Jesse had been given plenty of massages before, but never from a guy. The very idea of a guy touching all over him and rubbing his skin in such an intimate way actually creeped him out.
"Um, how about we go to Sharper Image and buy a massage chair. I've been meaning to anyway since it's been so hard to find a good massage therapist."
"Or you could save a grand and let me do you for free."
"Let you do me? I'm exclusively a taker not a giver."
Jesse found his objections falling on deaf ears as he found himself being pushed on top of his bed, bouncing up a couple of times before Connor sat next to him.
"I have to say, I don't ordinarily do this sort of thing," Jesse started.
"What, get a massage?" Connor chuckled before starting on Jesse's neck.
Jesse wanted to continue to resist. Continue to fight the urge to gang up on his new friend for wanting to give him a massage but the minute he started rubbing his neck, he felt just like he did whenever he got a massage in London. At peace and content.
Things were quiet between them for quite some time as Connor managed to completely massage away the pain in his neck. When it was over, Jesse almost felt empty.
"Wait, that's it?" Jesse asked.
"Unless anything else is sore, yeah," Connor replied.
Jesse stared at Connor for a few seconds before turning around and flipping onto his back, laying straight out.
"Well, there's this aching in my arms see," he started. "Maybe if you could just..."
"No problem," Connor replied, starting to gently rub Jesse's arms. "Got you taken care of."
This was definitely something Jesse could get used to. Having a friend who gave good massages would be a very good thing for him. He'd be set.
Connor was turning out to be an even better friend than he would have thought. Maybe he did need friends after all, he figured.
He allowed himself to close his eyes and relax, taking himself back to London, anything in London, that could put him at ease.
He started thinking about how it was never above 75 degrees there. Or about the much better food. Or about how much better behaved everyone was in general. Or about how someone was trying to shove their tongue down his throat!
"What the bloody HELL!" Jesse shouted, pushing Connor off of him after realizing he was trying to make out with him.
Jesse had been so wrapped up with thinking he was elsewhere he hadn't even really noticed when Connor started kissing him. At the time he thought he was making out with Jessica Biel.
"Connor, what-"
"This isn't what it looks like! I'm...I'm not even gay-"
"Where I come from snogging another guy shoves you down the gay path really quickly-"
"It was just a job. I'm just-"
"What the hell are you talking about?" Jesse asked, ready to actually kick the shit out of Connor.
"This guy, he paid me 250 bucks. He told me to act like I knew who you were. Pretend like I was interested in you. Get you to make out with me!"
"Who, why..."
"Me and this is why," came the voice of the last person on Earth Jesse wanted to see at the moment.
He turned around to see his brother standing at the door with a video camera attached to his left palm. He hadn't even seen him either. That massage had really put him out of touch with reality!
"Nicholas what-"
"You see, you call someone an immature asshole enough, they start to believe you," Nick started. "I have to say, no side really is your good side."
Jesse started towards his brother.
"You could," Nick started in his defense. "But I'm not stupid. This camera is attached to a streaming feed. Let's play find the real tape, shall we?"
Jesse was trying to do his best to keep from panicking but this was like one of his worst nightmares come true. Kissing another guy made him one of them. One of the very people he mocked and ridiculed. And if his brother had a tape of him doing it...
"Nicholas-"
"Ooh, see I believe I mentioned something about calling me Nick awhile ago and when you don't it really makes me less likely to want to not show the tape of you making out with another guy to the world."
"I thought...I thought-"
"Oh no. You didn't have the Jessica Biel daydream again did you? You really must come off that impossible high. It's already been done and trust me, it wasn't that great."
Jesse wanted to hit but he didn't know who to hit. He wanted to smash but didn't know what to smash. He wanted to run but didn't know where to run.
But most of all he wanted to know why he'd ever thought he needed friends.
"You can go now Means to and End," Nick spoke referring to Connor.
Connor slowly started past Jesse looking a mixture of sorry and afraid.
"My name's actually Peyton, for what it's worth. And I swear I'm not really one of them. This isn't like me, I'm not-"
"Believe us, no one cares who you are anymore," Nick said simply.
Jesse looked down at the ground in fury as "Connor" left, suddenly remembering why he'd thought he'd seen him around before. He lived somewhere in the building. Maybe even next door. He'd seen him moving in. It didn't matter anymore.
The entire situation did one thing and one thing only for him.
It emphasized exactly why he didn't need friends.
"You might wanna try some mouthwash or something, you looked like you were really enjoying yourself."
"Yes and I imagine you're REALLY enjoying yourself what having humiliating me at the very least."
"I have to say, it is a very positive perk."
"Well you got the revenge you so desperately wanted. Now you can get the hell out of my flat."
Nick regarded Jesse curiously.
"Sorry, but no."
"You don't actually believe I'd let you stay here after this do you?"
"You will if you want me to keep that hidden tape hidden," Nick replied. "And you do want that, don't you Jesse."
Jesse stared at his brother, fury behind his eyes.
That made two times so far someone had managed to get the better of him. And it was starting to get old fast.
He knew that he didn't need friends. But most importantly, he wasn't going to let anyone take advantage of him again. And he certainly wasn't going to let his vile older sibling stay with him indefinitely. Not before and definitely not after what he'd done.
There was a reason why he was so untouchable in London. And since coming to Texas he'd lost it. He'd started to become soft, hanging around too many people like Noah and his friends. He was just going to have to show people exactly who he was from here on out.
Things were pretty quiet between Noah and Trey.
When Trey had asked that Noah come with him, he hadn't actually had any particular place in mind to take him. He just was trying to see whether or not Noah would actually agree to it. And since he did it meant that he was at least willing to talk.
Unfortunately neither of them had really come up with anything to talk about. Trey was still trying to figure out exactly what to say to Noah that wouldn't set him off and Noah was still trying to figure out exactly why it seemed like he could never be good enough for Trey. He wasn't angry with Trey, he was just hurt and disappointed. And that to him was a lot worse than being upset with him.
The thing they both found strange but hadn't really spoken up about was how they'd both just been walking together, around campus like they weren't at odds with each other. The last time they'd walked around the campus like they were doing was back at summer orientation. The start of everything, the beginning of their problems.
They had, however in all their walking, managed to pass by Zoey and Grace talking in the quad a few times. The first time it looked almost like hair was about to be pulled and faces would be scratched. By the time around they were both laughing like they'd been best friends for years.
Secretly Trey was hoping that things would go just as well for him and Noah even though he knew he was reaching.
"Are you ever gonna start talking?" Noah finally decided to ask as he and Trey started down the pathway leading to the dorms.
"Yeah I......yeah," Trey replied, relieved that someone had got the ball rolling.
A few minutes of silence passed between them but was a more comfortable silence before Trey decided it was time to start saying what he was feeling.
"I'm not even gonna try to pretend like I didn't hurt you because I know I did," Trey replied. "And I know I can't take it back or erase the past or any of that. I can't even give you a better explanation on why it happened."
Noah listened but didn't show any outward signs as to how he was feeling as he did.
"I'm sorry," Trey spoke, sounding as sincere as he could.
He really was sorry. He knew he'd ruined everything by making that stupid mistake. And he was almost afraid to see what the consequences would really mean for him.
Noah looked straight ahead for a moments before letting out a sigh and stopping, forcing Trey to stop as well as he turned to face him.
"Look, I can't really be mad at you for sleeping with Shawn before we got together now can I?" he started. "But it still happened. And just like can't change that it happened, I can't change how I feel about the two of you being together."
"But it didn't mean any-"
"Let me finish," Noah continued.
Trey stopped, afraid to let him finish for fear of knowing where he was going with the conversation.
"That's always gonna be there, even if....even if you and I were together. And right now, that's not something I think I can really deal with."
Trey stared into Noah's eyes, his heart breaking inside.
"I think we should just be apart," Noah finished simply.
"But....we can still be friends, right?"
Noah looked briefly to his left before looking back at Trey and shrugging.
"I don't know," I replied. "I don't think so."
Trey felt like he did before. Like he wanted to run away and hide somewhere and never come out but he knew this was his mess and this was what he was having to deal with now, even if he didn't like it.
"I'll see ya," Noah said with no hint of a promising tone in his voice before turning and heading in the opposite direction towards his own dorm hall.
It definitely wasn't a dream after all.
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Copyright 2006