Sorry about the delay. I have been to busy to dedicate time to writing this story, plus some personal things have happened that distracted me a little.
=============================================================== Disclaimer:
This story depicts the sexual acts of two consenting adult men. Do not read this work of fiction if it is illegal where you are. Do not read this if you are underage, which in most states is those who are under 18 years of age, or do not find the subject matter to you liking. This story is mostly fictional any representation to people past present or future is coincidental, the parts that are not completely fictional the names, dates and events have been alter enough to protect the innocent. The characters in this story use safe sex at all times, you should always practice safe sex no exceptions. It is the belief of the writer that if there is no way to have safe sex then you should not have sex, safe sex or no sex. All rights are reserved by the author. All other normal disclaimers apply. Please enjoy. ===============================================================
David - 21 year old guy that is 6'1" blonde hair blue eyes Caleb - 22 year old guy that is 5'7" blonde hair blue eyes
I was taken back from the shock of actually seeing Caleb, while I always hoped it would happen, deep down in my soul I never really thought it would. Time had changed since our last meeting, I doubted he would have remembered me, but here he is and here I am, only if I could freeze time because this is the good part of life before it turns to disappointment, sorrow, rejection, and regret. It had been so long and although I wish I had changed and grown for the better, I still was my insecure self that I was when I first meet him. I was waiting for the moment would come where I would become to sad and pathetic and he would run away, because I haven't really had many real relationships. The guys I have dated, I didn't really have feelings for them, there was some interest but only a passing one and it never lasted. But there was something about Caleb that made me want to be with him more than anyone else. I was afraid to make any move with him because I enjoyed the time we used to spend together even though it was painful wanting to be with him but knew I couldn't, I was content with the concept that he was my friend. Times change but people don't always, I expected this meeting to go as such him just wanting to be my friend and that's all, but as of now that would have been content with me.
We climbed into my jeep and head out; I was still in some shock that he actually was here with me so my conversation was limited along the way. But I did learn about a few things, he changed majors a few years back, now is interested in nursing, and is doing an internship at a local medical center. I was still a computer science major, and did an internship at a software company. I learned what has been happening in his life and other stuff, I really found it extremely interesting no matter what he said, I think it was the fact that there was that something about him that attracted me to him that overwhelmed all logic. We ended up driving to a local soup, salad, and sandwich shop. I have been trying to eat healthier, and been eating salads. We sat down and he broke the ice.
"Hey, David, you have been rather quiet. I know it has been a while but say something."
"Sorry, I guess I am still a little surprised to have seen you, I mean its been so long, I am surprised that you even remember who I am"
"I always that you were a great guy, I wouldn't forget you that easily, and I don't know why you would be surprised by that, and that I am glad to see you."
We talked about this and that but I guess I typically avoided the real conversation for the fear that I would be rejected again. I wanted to know how his dating life was going and if he would ever consider going on a date with me. The conversation was going to head in that direction eventually and I still had no idea how to ask him about his dating life, and worse over what if he asked me. While I am not as completely inexperience as when we first meet, I haven't improved that much since then. As I was still pondering the answer, he did the worse thing by asking the question.
"So David, are you seeing someone now or recently broke up or what?"
"Umm well, that's the complicated matter. Right now I am single, looking for someone but not really sure what I am looking for. I have tried dating a few guys, but while I enjoyed spending some time with them, I really wasn't attracted to them and couldn't really make it work out sexually speaking. I don't know what it is, they was nothing about them that was just so unattractive, they were good looking but my body just didn't feel for them and it just didn't work out. Because of this most of my attempted relationships fail right as we get to the sexual part of the relationship."
"So what's the problem, I don't really understand"
"I guess I am just going to be candid about it because otherwise it will be confusing to keep talk about it. I don't know what it is, some guys I think are hot and just would like to fuck them but in bed my body is like, uhh no, and we just end in some hand jobs or oral, nothing more. This is still straining because sometimes my body is not sexually interested in them at all, and I have to think of someone else to get off. Between my body not wanting them and the fact that I know I cant give them more then I feel bad for them, and end up break it off soon. On the reverse side of the coin, there are other guys, who I know want to fuck me, and I just can't let them. That's a different issue, on one level I am not opposed to being fucked, but on another I just can't let it happen because I guess I am afraid and don't trust them or something, I really don't know why. So because of that I haven't really found a guy yet and I guess I haven't changed much since our last meeting in reference to my experience with guys."
"You have changed a little, last time we meet you still working looking for the perfect guy and a perfect long term relationship off the bat. You basically refused to go out with anyone that wouldn't be like that so you never went out, at least now you are trying. As for the sexual experience, it sounds like you are still trying to find your position in sex, not that there are definite positions, but you should experiment and find what you like. You need to find someone you trust and like and experiment with them, then you will be able to proceed in relationships with them or if that doesn't work other guys as you won't be as worried which I think is your problem, you are afraid to do bad at it so your body gives up and just doesn't try. That and I don't think you are finding the right guys for you, how you describe your relationships are not like you really want to be there with them, it seems like you are doing it because you were forced to and not wanted to, you need to do what is best for you and not what you feel is other want."
"Thanks Caleb, you were always good at giving advice. What about you, how is your personal life is going"
"Compared to yours, I guess its normal, just kidding, your life is fine, I experienced something like that when I first started dating and I moved past it and you will too. Some people experience things at different rates, and you take life slower than most which is fine. I have been a few relationships, one was for nine months till I found out the guy was cheating on me, and that hurt me deeply. But I moved on and keep trying, but right now I am single, not really looking right now but if a great guy comes along then I wouldn't be opposed to seeing where it may lead instead of regretting not later. Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."
"The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost, that cool Caleb. I rather enjoy works by Robert Frost"
"I should be heading back, I have another class soon. I am going to give you my number again, and you should call me sometime and we could hangout again."
I drove him back to campus, I saw him walk off to class, and it was now starting to hit me how bad this could hurt if he ended up not wanting me again. Because looking at him walking away was painful in multiple ways, emotionally I enjoyed his company, he made me happy when ever he was around, but there was something else that I had lacked with other guys I was with. I felt that there could be something sexual between us that I was unable to have with other guys, watching him walk away I looked at his bubble butt and his defined legs from all the running he was doing. I felt that I would be able to definitely go further with him than the other guys because I do remember some of the guys who I couldn't fuck, I ended up thinking of Caleb to get off. And moreover if he wanted to I know I trust him enough to show me the ropes if he wanted to do me instead. I think I felt that way about him more than other guys because I had fallen for him emotionally and Caleb was right that with the other guys I had only been with them because I felt obligated because they wanted to be with me. But alas emotional and sexually longing for him was not going to result in him wanting to be with me, because while time had changed something things. Deep down I don't think he would ever want to be with me the same that I wanted to be with him, with this dejected thought I preceded to drive home.
How I longed to be with Caleb, but how I know it would never happen bothered me to no end. That night I dreamed of seeing him again, of being with him again. But alas you can't stay in dreams forever and I woke up to reality where I feel I am not good enough for him. The main problem I have with people that I like is that I have never figured out how to appropriate act with people, I have not been the most social rounded person. Yes, while I can talk to almost anyone and enjoy spending time with random people, but I haven't ever really developed the skills to form and keep friends. My childhood friends never really cared about me and other friends I tried to develop betrayed and abandoned me. So instead of having close friends I have developed a large group of acquaintances which on some level compensate, on others it fails. This leads to the problem with guys I like; I don't know how to become close to someone. I don't know when it is appropriate to do stuff and when it is not. With acquaintances you don't really ever hang out other than when you are forced into situations together, but with friends you decide to hang out. There comes the problem, I don't really like talking on the phone, I get nervous, also I don't ever know when to call someone. I always call at the wrong time or don't call or call too much. It always ends the same where I am alone. It doesn't end with the phone, I don't know how to open up to someone, I don't really know how to talk to people. Most of my life is spent with me just experiencing things on my own and I never talk about it with others because I have no one to open up to and I can't open up to those who I should.
This leads into the situation that I came into with Caleb. I called him a few times, first time he was with family, second time he was at work, and rest he didn't answer. I left him a few voicemails over the past few weeks, but since our meeting he hasn't really talked to me again and since the second phone call I don't even know if he is still around. I don't know what I did but apparently I have lost communication with him once again. To have come so far but be back where I started, I feel hurt once again. On some level, I wish I never had contacted him. I knew at the beginning it was going to end in disaster but I wanted to try. Three years ago I wanted to be in a long term relationship with him because I felt he was the greatest guy, but I was naïve and wanted to have something that has to be worked on. But now I know you can't just have a relationship like that right off the bat, you have to be friends try to see if you get along and just go with an easy going relationship at first. There is something about him that I love and I would love for him to give me a shot at it and if it fails so be it but life is full of experiences and I wanted to see what it was about him that I fallen for. But I blew it somehow, someway and I don't think there will be another day with him. Once again I am alone thinking of him, and regretting my actions of the past. The past few nights I have thought about him, hoping he is alright. My mind is in torment, I hope that he is alright and not hurt because on some level my mind wants him to be because his being hurt would have prevented him from talking to me instead of him just rejecting me. But I never wish injury on others; I just don't want feel rejected when I have felt rejected my whole life. Only time will tale what will happen between us but I hope that one day he will give me a chance, maybe at least he will try be my friend because I need more than the acquaintances I have developed, I need someone to be there for me if for some reason I do find someone because I know it will end in nothing like all the rest. These thoughts plague my mind and I go to sleep hoping one day that he will call me, or email me but alas silence is the bane of my existence.
To be continued...
=============================================================== --Writers Note
Again sorry for the delay, I have been busy with other stuff and haven't had the time to dedicate to this. I hope you are enjoying this story so far, it's a little sad right now but it will pick up. This story has a parallel main character in `The College Internship' but they are two different stories with totally different storylines. Thanks to those who have written me, I appreciate all comments. So please leave your feedback.
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