Sorry to keep everyone on edge for so long. New job has been keeping me busy. I'm already about half way through the next chapter already, so it will be posted in the next few days as well. Thanks to all who have written in response to this story. As always, feel free to email feedback, constructive criticism, etc., to jrod57@yahoo.com. Thanks....
Chapter 3
Chris lay in my bed. The bed we shared so many nights. So much love was shared in that bed, and now it was filled with pain. Chris was curled up on top of the covers. He was holding onto the T-shirt that I was wearing earlier that day when we lay in bed together before work. He was mostly quiet, but occasionally his body would be wracked by a silent sob.
I sat on the bed and looked into his eyes. He was awake, but nearly catatonic. Staring into nothingness, his tears no longer rolled down his face. He cried all his tears for me, and now he could only lay there and mourn. My mother and father were in the living room with Chris' mother. Some other members of my family had arrived and were taking down the decorations from the party that never was. My grandfather was there with my mother. It occurred to me that he was probably not aware how close my grandmother was to him many times. If he could sense her presence, I wonder if it brought him any comfort at all. From the conversation I heard from the other room, Chris' father had gone to the hospital to officially identify my body to spare my parents the pain of seeing me right away. The funeral home would pick up my remains first thing in the morning and begin preparing me for burial.
I sat there and watched Chris for nearly an hour. He didn't move the whole time. Around midnight, my mother came in and put a blanket over Chris' body. She kissed his forehead and left him there. As she left the room, she turned the light off and gently closed the door.
In the soft moonlight coming through the window, I could still make out a gleam in Chris' eyes. I lay down on the bed behind him and wrapped my arms around him, as he had done to me so many times over the years.
Chris began quietly sobbing again. "David, I love you so much," he said between sobs. "Why did you leave me? What am I going to do without you? We were supposed to grow old together."
Tears welled up in my own eyes. It hurt me so much to see him in this pain. "I love you too, Baby," I said to him. Of course he couldn't hear me. He continued crying quietly into my pillow for sometime. Eventually, he cried himself to sleep.
I lay there for a bit watching him sleep. I've watched him hundreds of times over the years. He always fell asleep before me. When he sleeps, he does this cute little thing with this tongue sticking out just a little. I always joked with him about it, but the truth is it was endearing. He didn't stick his tongue out tonight. After he had been asleep for about an hour, I decided it was time to make the connection.
I sat up over Chris' sleeping body. Every few minutes, his body would shake with a gentle sob. I lay my hand on his head....
Nothing happened. I kept my hand there, not sure what to expect. Then suddenly, with a flash, I was inside his dream. He was dreaming of the time he and I drove to New Braunfels to camp with some friends and take a canoe down the river for a few days. In the dream, we were at our campsite. I guess we had just finished dinner, because I was packing up our cooler, and Chris was walking down to the river to wash the frying pan used to cook our food.
I followed him to the water's edge. Even in his dream, he was crying. He looked up at me, and somehow knew that I wasn't the "dream" David that he left at the campsite.
"David, you're here.....how?" he stammered. He jumped up to hug me. We embraced each other and both cried as we held each other on the bank of the river.
"Chris, I'm so sorry this happened. But I'll always be watching over you, Baby. I'll always be with you even if you can't see me."
Chris looked into my eyes, satisfied that it was not some figment of his imagination that stood before him, wrapped in his arms.
"I don't know what I'm going to do without you. My whole life is built around you. It has been for as long as I can remember." Tears streamed down his face, but he did not sob. He looked away from me, out over the rushing water as he spoke his next words, "Without you, I have no reason to live."
"Chris, you and I will be together again one day. But it is not going to be soon. You have so much to offer the world. Such a wonderful heart; so much love. Don't rob the world of your beauty because I'm not there." I didn't voice it at that time, but I knew that eventually Chris would find love again. While I knew it would hurt my soul to see him with someone else, I also knew that I did not want him to be alone for the rest of his life. He's still so young, so deserving of the great love affair that we were robbed of when I died on that pavement. When the time came, I would give my blessing to him if I must.
He didn't speak anymore right away. The light in the sky in his dream was fading. I could sense that he was waking up. He looked back at the campsite where my dream-self was rolling out our sleeping bags for the night.
"Do you remember this night?" he asked me as he watched the dream-me prepare our bed. It was the night that I gave myself completely to Chris the first time. He was so gentle with me. So loving. I cherished this night all my life.
"We're about to make love for the first time. Right now I'm zipping our two sleeping bags together inside the tent so we can cuddle all night." I smiled to myself as I remembered that night.
"I'll never do that with another person, David. That part of me is only for you." The light was fading fast. I didn't know how often I would be able to communicate with Chris in this way, so I had to act fast before he was woken from his dream.
"Chris, this is not going to be easy for you, I know. But remember, even if you can't see me or hear me, I will be watching you. I'm never more than a breath away from you until we meet again. When I can, I'll visit you here...in your dreams. Promise me that you'll be strong for me? And for my parents?"
With a reluctant, sad smile, Chris nodded. We embraced one last time as the light faded out completely. I opened my eyes and I was back on my bed, with Chris' body wrapped in my arms. It was still nighttime. About 4 a.m. Chris spoke into the darkness, "David? Are you here? Was that really you?"
"I'm here Baby." He couldn't hear me. It was true that we could only communicate with each other in dreams.
He rolled over to face where I was laying behind me. "I know you're here. I can feel your love around me. Thank you, Baby." With that, he drifted back into a light sleep. He must not have been dreaming, because I tried to connect with him again, but nothing happened. I lay there the rest of the night watching him sleep, content to know that he could still feel my love. Maybe it would bring some comfort to him to believe that I am there.
--
The next morning, my mother came to wake Chris from his sleep. He actually had been awake for a while when she softly knocked on the door and pushed it open. He had already been to the bathroom to clean his face and brush his teeth (we kept toothbrushes at each other's houses for such occasions.)
My mother spoke gently to him as he sat in the chair at my desk, looking at pictures of us and our families taken over the years. So much happiness in those photographs. Every once in a while, a single tear would roll down his cheek. I wished that I could dry his eyes for him as I sat on the edge of the bed watching him.
"Chris, my sister is making breakfast, if you're hungry." She had a concerned look on her face. It was obvious that she'd spent most of the night crying, and had gotten little or no sleep.
"He's still here, Mary," Chris said with certainty. "He's in this room right now. He came to me last night in my dream to tell me that he would always be watching over me. I can feel him here still."
Tears started streaming down my mother's face as she crossed the bedroom floor to where Chris was sitting, facing the wall behind the desk. She wrapped her arms around him from behind.
"Chris, you know that you'll always be welcome in this house. Anytime you want to come here, you just walk right in. I'm leaving this room exactly as David left it."
Chris nodded and thanked her. With one last squeeze, she stood up and walked back to the door.
"The breakfast will be ready shortly...." She looked like she wanted to say something else, but she simply turned and walked down the hall without another word.
"She doesn't believe me," he spoke to me in the empty room. "She thinks it was just a dream that you came to me. But I KNOW it was real. It was you that came to me on that river bank, not some figment of my imagination."
"This was the best day I ever had at school," he said, still talking to me. He was pointing to a picture of him and me taken after one of our baseball games. We had our arms around each other's shoulders and smiling at the camera with big cheesy grins. Our baseball caps were on sideways and our uniforms were all dirty from our game. The picture was taken about two years ago. Another picture right next to that one showed Chris and me in our graduation gowns. Both of us with honor chords around our necks, displaying our diplomas proudly for the camera. So much hope for the future...we were so naive.
Chris stood up and walked to the closet. He took off his shirt and jeans from the night before and got ready to go face this day. Under his t-shirt, he wore the shirt I'd been wearing the day before. The one he slept with all night. He then chose one of his own shirts and pair of jeans from the closet that he kept there to change into when he spent the night.
"I need your strength today. We all do," he said to me before he walked out the door and down the hallway to face the family.