Disclaimers: The following is a work of fiction. Meaning, that, the people and events are not real, and never happened, except in my mind. All the other usual stuff applies. If you shouldn't be here, don't read it. If you don't like it, why are you here? Comments appreciated, flames deleted.
That said.... ______________________________________________________________
Life settled into it's own pattern with school, piano lessons, work, and Jim. For me, nothing was as important as Jim. Every chance I got to be near him, I was there. When we weren't together, all I could think about was the next time I was going to see him.
Jim had his own schedule too. He was Junior Captain of the golf team, worked at his dads' drug store, and still maintained one of the highest GPA's in our class. Like I said, I was lucky to have such a great guy.
My mom thought it was strange that I was spending all my time with Jim, and not dating again. When she asked me about it, I just said that Jim was my best friend, and that, as busy as my schedule was, a girlfriend right now might negatively affect my grades. She bought that, at least for the time being.
One day, in mid April, mom asked me whom I had asked to the Jr/Sr Prom.
"I haven't asked anybody," I said.
"Aren't you going?"
"I haven't really given it much thought. I could go stag with Jimmy Lee."
"I think you're spending too much time with him, honey. You need other friends too, you know."
I tried my best not to get defensive.
"Mom, Jimmy Lee's been my best friend forever. I have other friends. It's just that, well, Jimmy Lee and I get along so well, and we have so much in common, it's just easy to spend time with him."
I wouldn't look my mom in the face, because I was sure that she'd see that I was in love with him, and I wasn't ready to face that yet.
"Well, just don't limit yourself, honey. You've got a little less than two years, and then you'll be going away to college."
"Which is exactly why I'm limiting what I'm getting involved with," I countered. "I'm working as much as I can to make sure I've got plenty of money for school, I'm studying as hard as I can so that, hopefully, I'll get a scholarship. I've even thought about not taking piano any more so I have a little more free time."
"Well, dear, you have to make that decision. I just hope that you'll think about what I said. Don't limit yourself, in what you do, or who you spend your time with."
"Let me ask you mom, would you like for me to get involved with another Laura?"
"Of course not," mom said.
"That's why I'm a little gun shy about dating," I covered. "I'm not ready for that again, and you know how I am. With me it's all or nothing. Jimmy Lee keeps me occupied, and I don't miss dating."
"Well," she said, "It just looks funny, sometimes, that you two spend all your time together. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you and Jimmy Lee were dating."
She looked dead at me when she said that. Not being ready to go there I said, "Oh, don't be ridiculous, mom. Jimmy Lee is a guy!!"
She didn't say anything, just looked at me, kind of strange. "I know honey, it's just the way things look, sometimes. Don't worry about it."
I told Jim about the conversation. He admitted that we were going to have to be careful, but he also said that he didn't want to date some girl just as a show.
"I don't want anything distracting me from you, or you from me," he said.
"Me neither," I said.
We decided to go stag to the prom. We both rented tuxes and the whole nine yards. To keep our parents from getting any ideas, we ate pizza at my house, changed there and went to the prom, then came back to my house to spend the night. I didn't think that our parents would get suspicious, but, now I'm a parent, and I look at things differently.
That night, after the prom, when we finally got in bed, we snuggled up together, just enjoying each other's company. For a change, we weren't naked, just together, tenderly holding each other, enjoying being together. We drifted off to sleep, not realizing I had forgotten to lock the door.
The next morning, we were awakened by "Oh, fuck!!!"
I sat straight up and looked at the door, and there was Fred, with a look of horror and disgust on his face.
"Fred, come in here," I hissed.
"Fuck you, faggot," he said.
"Fred, come here!" I said.
He came in. " I can't believe my brother is a faggot," he said, spitting out the word faggot.
"I'm a lot of things, Fred, but faggot is NOT one of them."
"How can you say that," he asked. "You should have seen the two of you, all slung up together, holding each other like mom and dad do. It was disgusting."
"Why?"
"Because it's not natural," he said.
"I'm not going to go there," I said. "Love is natural. Your perception may be warped, but love is good. Jimmy Lee is the best thing that's ever happened to me."
"Are you going to say anything to your folks?" Jimmy Lee asked Fred.
"I don't know. What I should do is tell everyone I know, to make you two stop seeing each other. But, knowing folks in our town, they'd kill you both, and, as much as I am disgusted by what I'm seeing, I don't think either of you deserve to die because of it. But our folks may feel differently." he said.
"That's why you can't say anything," I said. "Besides, do you think the Masons would let the brother of the town fag date their daughter? I don't think so, so, Jimmy Lee and I are not the only ones who could lose something if this came out."
Fred thought about that for a minute. "I guess you're right. As much as I hate it, your secret is safe with me. Just don't think that I'm going to let you get all faggy around me! I'll punch both your lights out."
"You and what army?" I asked, laughing
"Hey, I can take two fairies anytime," he said, puffing up his chest.
That did it. Jimmy Lee looked at me, and we jumped Fred together. We tickled him until he yelled for mercy, and we proved to him he'd better watch himself!!
As time went by, Fred, and Caroline (we had to let her in on our little secret, too) got a little more comfortable with Jim and me. In fact, we four got to be great friends by the time they got married, even after...well, don't let me get ahead of myself.
The end of the school year was quickly upon us, and pretty soon summer vacation had started. Before the year was out, Jim and I had discussed where we wanted to go to college. We applied to UNC-Chapel Hill because both of us wanted a degree in accounting, and we felt like we could get in. We applied for all the scholarships, and sat back, waiting.
Over the course of the summer we both worked, dated, Jim played massive amounts of golf, and we had plenty of private moments. Being naked with Jim, his body pressed against mine, it was an aphrodisiac all by itself. We almost got caught a couple of times, not by Fred or Caroline (they had learned not to bother us when one of us slept at the others houses) but by my mom, and his dad. We were getting careless, but we couldn't help ourselves. I guess in retrospect, we looked like teenagers in love, because we were. We talked about the future, our wants and our fears. We both wanted kids, but had no idea how we'd pull that one off. Gay couples have a lot more freedom and possibilities today than in 1981.
The summer was soon over, and school started back up. We were finally seniors! Nine more months of this hellhole and we're done!! (Oh, did I forget to mention that my dad was the principal of the high school I attended? Oops, sorry!!)
Anyway, Jim and I kept getting funny stares from our friends. Jim finally asked somebody one day, "What's the matter? Have I got a booger hanging out my nose or something?"
"No, it's just the way you look at and act with TJ. It's like, well, it's like you two are in love or something."
"Don't be ridiculous," Jim said. "TJ and I are just best friends, that's all. You know, Yin and Yang, Snoopy and Charlie."
"Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you are a couple."
"Well, you don't know any better," Jim said, grabbed me by the arm and we walked off. "I don't need to hear that kind of shit from anybody," Jimmy Lee said over his shoulder.
We had talked about what to do if confronted, and Jim had done exactly what we planned. I was not upset by what he said, in fact, it showed me how much he loved me. He was doing his best to protect me. Little did we know that it was Jim that needed protecting.
As far as Jim and I knew, everything was going well. Both of us were probably going to graduate with honors, even if we coasted the entire year. His golf game was improving, and I had quit sports all together to have the time to keep my piano lessons going. I was working hard on my Senior Recital, which would be in November.
My recital finally got here, and my parents were so proud. It was held at our church, and there was actually a fairly large crowd, probably sixty or seventy. Of course Jim and his family were there. I mean, I was like a son to them, and so they came and supported me.
I had to play for an entire hour, and had to play several different styles. My favorite piece was the "Warsaw Concerto" arranged for piano. It had such moving parts, and such emotion. I got a standing ovation from that piece alone.
Finally, it was over, and I took my last bow. My mom and dad came up and gave me big hugs, told me how well I had done, and how proud they were. I put up with their goings on, but kept looking for Jim. One look from his eyes, and I could see the love and pride he felt. My heart almost burst.
My parents had made reservations for us all for dinner, and the Mason's were included. Jim, Caroline, Fred, and I all rode to the restaurant together.
"You guys need to be careful," Caroline said. "I think mom's onto you."
"WHAT?" Jim and I said at the same time.
"She was watching you, Jimmy Lee, and she had a funny look on her face. She watched you watch TJ. It made me nervous."
"Oh, crap, Jim. What are we going to do?" I asked.
"We're not going to panic, that's for sure. Maybe it's time we told them."
"ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FREAKING MIND?" I said. "My dad would kill us both!"
"Maybe our moms would keep our dads in check." Jim said.
"I don't know, babe. I'm not ready for them to know yet." I said.
We tried our best to not look at each other through dinner. It was so hard. We all laughed and carried on. It seemed like any other dinner. As we were getting ready to leave, Mrs. Mason called me over to the side.
"I think you and Jimmy Lee need to spend less time together," she said.
"Why would you say that?" I asked.
"Because, if you don't, his dad, and your dad, will hit the roof when they figure out you two are in love."
My heart stopped. I thought I was going to faint.
"I can see in both of your eyes that you're in love," she continued. "But I think for the safety of you both, you need to not be together so much. Maybe both of you could find a nice girl to date..."
"So that's what this is really about, Mrs. Mason. Isn't it? You don't care about anything except your little Jimmy Lee being normal?"
"I don't want to be cruel, but yes. I don't want my son to be a homosexual, and I don't want you to be one either. You're like my son too."
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, neither of us CHOSE to be this way, we just realized one day that we loved each other. You can try to keep us apart, but I love him, and he loves me. We want to be together always."
"That just isn't realistic," she said. "Think about it. Everywhere you go, you will be rejected. Your families will turn against you, so will your friends. Is that what you want? Do you want to do that to Jimmy Lee?
"Do what to me?" asked Jim, as he walked up.
"Your mom thinks we need to stop seeing each other, maybe start dating girls, so that no one else will find out we're queer." I said.
"Did you say that, mom?" Jim asked.
"In a manner of speaking, yes. I told TJ that I know you two are in love, and, for your own good, you need to stop seeing each other, before either of your dads finds out," she said.
"Before we find out what?" Jims' dad had walked up behind us.
Jim looked at me with fear in his eyes. We just looked at each other, neither knowing what to say. My dad had walked over to see what was going on.
"Why's everybody so glum looking here?" He asked.
"We're not supposed to find out something from Jimmy Lee and TJ," he said.
Jim and I were still looking at each other, at a loss for what to do or say. I was almost in tears, and Jim was looking angrier by the minute.
"You just couldn't leave well enough alone, could you, mom?" Jim said.
"Don't take that tone of voice with your mother," Mr. Mason said.
Dad was looking at me, and I could see the light bulb go off in his head, and the disgust go across his face.
"Dad, I..." I started.
WHAP! My dad backhanded me as he screamed, "You sorry faggot!! Get out of my sight!"
Mr. Mason's face went white, as I fell back against a table behind me. Jim jumped my dad, and started punching him.
"Don't you EVER hit Timmy again, you bastard!" he screamed at my dad, as he hit him.
My dad started swinging back, and Mr. Mason grabbed Jim, which, unfortunately, left him open to a punch from my dad.
"Fag or not, you don't hit my boy," Mr. Mason yelled at my dad, as he started trading blows with my dad.
My mom and Jim's mom were yelling at our dads, who were going at it as hard as they could. The managers were running this way, and I was sure somebody had called the cops.
I picked up a chair and was getting ready to hit my dad with it when Jim grabbed me and said, "No. Don't you drop to their level too. I'm sorry that I did, but I went red when your dad hit you."
About this time the managers were pulling our dads apart, when my dad looked at me and said, "You'd better not be home when I get there, or I swear I'll stop your faggot ass in the ground." Jim balled up his fists and I grabbed him and shook my head no.
The police arrived and arrested my dad, and Jims' dad for disorderly conduct. I didn't have to worry about him catching me at the house.
"Where am I going to go?" I asked Jim on the way to my house to grab what I could of my stuff.
"I don't know, but where ever it is, I hope there's room for two, because I'm pretty sure I'm gonna hear the same thing from my dad later," he responded.
We got to my house, and he helped me grab the essentials. My brother Fred showed up to help. He had been crying. "TJ, I'm so sorry," he said.
"Hey, man, it's not your fault. We knew this could happen this way," I replied. "I'm just worried for you at school, Monday. It's gonna be all over town that you're the brother of a queer. You're gonna catch major shit."
"I can handle that," Fred said. "I just can't handle you not being here. You're my brother, and I love you. And I love Jim, like a brother as well. I don't want you to go," he said, sobbing.
"Well, he's made his bed, and now he's going to have to lie in it," said mom from the door of my bedroom.
"Mom, I..."
"Don't talk to me right now. I'm very mad, but I'll get over it. Your dad, on the other hand, may never get over it."
"I thought you'd be..."
"At the police station? I'm leaving in just a second to go get him. I had to come get his checkbook. I also wanted to mention that you might want to call the youth director at church to see if he can suggest a place for you to stay. Tell Fred tomorrow at church where you are, and a number where I can reach you. Then you stay away from your father until he has a chance to cool down," she said. "I hope the two of you are happy. Your fathers may have done irreparable damage to their friendship, not to mention that I don't know if you'll ever be welcome in this house again, TJ. This is a high price to pay for a little sexual excitement."
"Is that what you think, mom? That this is about sex? Not that
it's any of your business, but Jimmy Lee and I have NOT had sex. We're in love, but we didn't want sex to get in the way of our friendship. We were waiting until we both knew it was right. "
She looked a little surprised at that.
"Mom, I love Jimmy Lee. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. This is not some phase I'm going through, something I'll outgrow. Jimmy Lee is the most kind-hearted, considerate, helpful, funny, intelligent, well rounded, sexy person I've ever met in my life. He completes me. I can't tell where I stop and he starts. I love you, and dad, and my brothers. But I'm IN love with Jimmy Lee, and he's IN love with me. All of you might desert me, but I will not desert him, and I doubt that he would ever desert me."
"He's right, Mrs. Parker. Timmy is my soul mate. I love him with all that I am. All that I have, all that I will be is his, and is tied up in him. That's why I punched Mr. Parker tonight. To me, it was as if he had hit me, but a part of me that was more special than life itself. I'm sure that if someone ever hit you, Mr. Parker would have reacted the same way. I know it's not legal in this country, but if it were, I would marry your son in a heartbeat, if he would have me. I am committed to him, and he to me. We are one."
The whole time he was talking he was looking at me, not my mom. I could feel his love for me as he spoke. As he said, "We are one," he leaned over and kissed me tenderly.
My mom just stood there a moment, taking it all in.
"Timmy, I don't approve of this kind of relationship. The bible teaches against homosexuality."
I started to interject, but she cut me off.
"Be that as it may, you are my first-born child. You have a special place in my heart. Nothing can change that. I don't know when I will ever be able to accept the two of you as a couple, but one thing I can tell; I think you belong together. If I ever doubted it before, I don't now. The things the two of you just said are mature beyond your years. The fact that you're not having sex is almost too hard for me to believe, or maybe I'm relying too much on stereotypes. I will talk with your father, but Timmy, I don't know if he'll ever get over this. I hope that his love for his son will win out, but don't expect to be invited home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. One other thing, and then I have to leave. I will co-sign for you to rent an apartment, or a trailer or something, so long as you stay in school. I would prefer it to be something with two bedrooms, at least for proprieties sake, because I would expect that Jimmy Lee will soon be moving in with you."
"I couldn't stand thinking of Timmy being by himself, Mrs. Parker," Jim responded.
"Just be sure to let Fred know where you are staying until you can find a place, Timmy. Hopefully, I won't be mad for long, but, I'll call you, ok?"
There were tears in my eyes as I responded, "OK, mom." I looked her in the eyes and said, " I love you, mommy."
"I love you too, my precious one," she said, and then gave me a big hug, and held it for a minute.
She wiped her eyes and said, "I have to go now. I sure do hope your dad has calmed down."
She looked at Jim and said, "Jimmy Lee, you had better take good care of my Timmy. If you hurt him, or don't take care of him, I personally will hunt you down and stomp your butt in the ground. I'm dead serious here son. Don't you hurt my boy."
"I promise, Mrs. Parker, I won't."
Mom left, as the three of us stood there in shock. We discussed what she, and we, had said while we finished loading up the car. Fred hid some of my stuff in his room, promising to get it to me somehow as soon as I got a place of my own.
I called our youth pastor, and explained, briefly what had happened, and the situation I found myself in, needing somewhere to stay. He told me I could crash at his house until I could find a place to stay.
Jim called his mom to see if he could come home. She said yes, but that I was not welcome there.
I took Jim home, and passed my dad's car at the end of the road, just sitting there with the lights off. As we passed them, he started the car up and drove down the street. I started to cry.
"I didn't want it to be this way," I sobbed.
"I know, babe," Jim said as he put his hand on my leg. "Neither did I. But I want you to know something."
"What's that?" I asked.
"I still love you more than life itself. And if my parents never speak to me again, I'll survive that. If I lose you, I might as well die, because I'll have no reason to live."
"I'm not going anywhere, man," I replied.
"Oh, and one other thing, I'm going to let my folks know that I'm moving in with you. If you're not welcome at their house, neither am I."
"You don't have to do that, babe," I said.
"Yes, I do. Even if your mom hadn't threatened me, I would have moved in with you anyway, so you wouldn't have such a struggle. Paying the bills is going to be really tough, you know?"
"I've got money in savings," I said.
"That's our living money when we're in college," Jim said.
"Ours, huh?" I looked at him out of the corner of my eye.
"Did you know I had a college trust fund?" Jim asked me.
"A trust fund?" I said.
"Yeah, it's for in case I don't get a scholarship. Well, it's worth $40,000.00. It transfers to me on registration at a college of my choice, $10,000.00 per year for four years. I'm thinking we can do a lot of bill damage with and extra ten grand. Don't you?"
"Well, I'm still going to have to dip into savings. It's a good thing my recital was tonight, because I'm going to have to quit my piano lessons. Maybe with the extra time I'm going to have, I can get another job to help meet expenses."
"And I'll quit golf," Jim said.
"You can't!" I said. "That's where you might get your scholarship."
"But it's too expensive," he said. "I'll get a merit scholarship. Don't worry." He was smiling, and then he started laughing.
"What could you POSSIBLY be laughing at?" I asked.
"I get to live with you. I get to go to bed at night with you, to wake up in the morning with you, to eat all my meals with you, take showers with you. I'm so happy. I know it's costing us a lot to be able to do this, but, I get to be with you!!!"
"I know, babe, I know. Well, we're here," I said as we pulled into his folk's driveway.
"I'm sorry. A night that should have been so wonderful for you got all screwed up," Jim said to me.
"It's ok," I said.
"No, it's not. Somehow, I'll make it up to you," he said.
"Just be sure to meet me at church tomorrow," I said. "I'm going to need you when I see my folks."
"I love you Timmy."
"I love you too, Jim."
He pulled his necklace out, reached over and pulled mine out, and put them together. "God, watch out for my baby tonight," he prayed. Then he kissed me, and got out of the car.
"I'll see you tomorrow, babe," he said.
"I love you." I said.
"I love you more!!" he said, then turned around and went into the house.
It was supposed to be a day of triumph for me. And, I guess it was. My family knew, so did Jims'. Soon it would be all over school. We would make it. We had too. _______________________________________________________________
OK, guys, that's all for now. Let me know what you think!! See ya, TJ