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Love Lost Love Found
I stood in the street. My hand was raised in a farewell wave. My legs shook, shit my entire body shook. I had promised not to cry yet tears were streaking my cheeks even though my lips carved a smile that felt pasted on. A moaning sound escaped my throat.
The night before, Johnny and I had loved each other with kisses and all the other wonderful things only two fourteen year old boys could do in the private quiet of his room. I would never again know the touch of his skin on mine or feel his tongue in my mouth. I had tasted the essence of what made Johnny a man for the last time as he had tasted me for the last time.
I watched the trailer that was attached to his mother's SUV as it turned the corner at the end of the block. Even with it out of sight, I waved as I cried. My shoulders shook. Johnny left my life and I felt devastated. No one could take Johnny's place.
Inside my mind, I cursed his father. Johnny's dad was a no good cheating, lying excuse for a husband and father. Johnny's mom discovered Johnny's dad was having an affair with a girl just six years older than us. Six months later, with the divorce final, Johnny's mom found a job in the city, two hours away. It may as well have been on the moon. Neither Johnny nor I could drive.
At least my dad had a substantial insurance policy that provided for us and paid off the mortgage when he died when I was twelve. I comforted my mom as best I could when she came home from her job. Johnny comforted me those nights I stayed at his house or he stayed at mine. We shared our beds and he would hold me, stroking my hair and rubbing my back. I felt comforted in his embrace.
Who would comfort me now like he comforted me?
Time passed and our comforting moved to an intimate level we might have stayed away from if our closeness had not provided an intimacy between us that led to soft kisses and then nude sleeping. Our young boners pushed between us and we rubbed with an intensity that deepened as we moved into our thirteenth year. We shared the joy of discovery. First hairs. First sperms. First deep kisses as we ran our tongues on each other's teeth. We even sucked each other's tongues. We rubbed against each other until our pleasure became too much and sticky wetness flooded our bellies. Six months ago, we turned fourteen and took a huge step in our love. We had talked about kissing each other's boners. Well, that progressed to sucking each other and tasting each other as our fluids flooded each other's mouths draining into our tummies. We knew the next step in our love making was the step that would unite us forever.
We never were able to complete this step. Johnny's mom announced on the Monday after school ended for the summer they were moving that coming weekend. Johnny argued. I tried to step in. I pleaded with my mom. Nothing worked. Now my best friend and lover was gone.
Dejected, I turned towards my house. My mother would be home in an hour. I was responsible to cook something for dinner. I opened the refrigerator. Nothing appealed to me. I opened the cupboard. Two boxes of cereal stared at me. I rechecked the refrigerator. We had milk. Cereal made the dinner menu for my mom. I knew she needed more. I was not up to much more than cereal. I would sit with her as she ate. I was not hungry. I sat at the kitchen table staring at the box of wheat flakes. The words blurred.
I imagined I was looking at my boyfriend as I stared at the box. We were so alike. Johnny was five foot ten, the same height as me. We both weighed one hundred and thirty pounds. Our hair was styled the same. The only difference was his was red and mine was blond. We both styled our hair in mullets. I remembered how on his fourteenth birthday, one week after mine, we decided to shave our pubes. I did Johnny and he did me. After shaving, we made love. Our dicks were so similar. We had been measuring them once a week for two years and keeping a chart of our growth. His dick was like mine cut, three inches soft, and six inches hard.
I sobbed again and began to chew on my index finger. I never chewed my nails. I thought of Johnny's feet. The were so cute. Not too thin or not too long. They were ten inches and, I do not remember when I started, but I began to lick and then suck his cute toes. I took to licking his foot being careful not to tickle him. I also liked licking his small brown nipples. If I licked just right, he would squirm then moan and beg me not to stop.
Johnny was smart. He understood math much better than I did. We spent time with Johnny helping me with quadratic equations and those pesky word problems every teacher thought we had to solve, like I would need to know that stuff in life.
While Johnny was a whiz at math, I could write compositions, no outline needed. I understood how to support the thesis sentence using three paragraphs. Johnny depended on my editing and proofing skills to help him do his writing.
We both made the ninth grade Lacrosse team and we were awesome midfielders. I always knew where Johnny would be at all times and he knew where I would be. The coach often asked if we had a brain connection. He thought he was being funny. Johnny and I knew we did have a special connection.
My head slumped on the kitchen island. I could feel my shoulders shaking.
I don't know why but I thought of our last camping trip the past summer. We waded to an island and erected our tent in the middle of a stand of trees. The river was slow and safe. As soon as our camp was finished, we stripped nude and stayed that way all three days. We slept nude. We swam nude. We cooked and ate nude. We made love nude.
What would I do without Johnny this summer. We had so many plans now that we were older and could travel farther. We were going to bike to campgrounds. Johnny found one camp ground six hours away by bike that was clothing optional. The guidelines said that at fourteen, with a parent's note, boys or girls could camp and be nude. They even had a section for teens fourteen to seventeen. It was a coed section. Johnny and I were not interested in seeing girls nude nor even other boys. We decided the teen section was better than the old adult section or the parents and preteen or even baby section. We had saved all winter for this trip.
Mom was not home yet. I wandered around the lower level of the house. So many memories assailed me. The TV where we watched Netflix. The X-box that we challenged each other on the latest Madden. The couch where we sat side by side and with our feet rubbed each other's legs or had our first make out experiments. This was the couch where I had first tasted Johnny's tongue and he gave me my first hickey. That was tough explaining my throat mark to mom. Later I realized, she knew what that mark was and who gave it to me. She accepted the two of us. She knew from an early age that our love for one another ran deep. How could she not when she would come in from work to find us wrapped in a passionate embrace. When that happened, we calmed the erotic part until mom went to shower and we had to start dinner.
Occasionally the evidence in our pants remained. Mom never made fun of us or said what we were doing was wrong when our pants stuck out in that area. Sometimes she smiled. Other times she ignored the two of us. A couple of times she even told us to go upstairs before dinner and take care of things and to be sure to wash our hands. What a mom. I smiled even though my sobs had not stopped.
This must be what the death of a person close to you was like. The grief could not be contained.
I looked at the clock. Mom was fifteen minutes late. She was never late. Had she been held up in traffic? Then I heard the key in the lock and the door opening.
Mom was standing in front of me. "Bobby?" I tried to dry my eyes with the hem of my T-shirt. I knew I must look like a big baby. I sniffled.
"Bobby?" Mom repeated. "Look who's here."
Behind mom stood Johnny and his mother. I could not control myself. I cried harder than ever. Johnny was crying as much as I was. We stumbled into each other and held on. I brushed his hair and kissed Johnny not caring both moms were watching.
They gave us space, then sat us on the couch. We wrapped our arms around each other swaying slowly.
The story of how everything went down was revealed.
Johnny had been inconsolable as she drove away. His mother called my mom. They arranged that Johnny's mom would travel to her new job and get settled. Bobby would live with us. He would continue with me at the same school until graduation. His mom would visit at our house or my mom would drive us to Johnny's mom's house.
Together we showered both moms withs hugs, tears, and thank-you's.
That night we slept nude. Our tears and kisses melting us together, closer than we ever had been before.
Thanks for reading. acgib1943@protonmail.com
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