Hey Everyone! I just wrote this, I didnt think I'd have ahcance to write it for a while, but i got inspired. Anyway, thanks for all the encouragement and feedback, it really means lots!
AJ! thanks for everything, youre a great friend and an AMAZING author---Go check out his story if you are not already reaidng it, Josh and Just.
It was nice meeting alot of yall last weekend at the forum!
Legal stuff, um i dont them, nor do i know who love, thats up to them! and if you shouldnt be reading this, you know who you are, dont do it!
Anyway, on wit the story!
Recap: ~~ Eric looked to the man with the baby. He placed the baby next to Emily. Emily smiled at him and thanked him. She turned to Eric and mouth, " Baby EricJason." Eric smiled widely. Suddenly he heard a crash outside of the church. Everyone ran to see what happened.
Eric watched as the events happened in slow motion. He watched as his lover's car was pushed down the street. And compacted. He watched his lover die, instantly. He watched the man he never got to marry, die. He watched as the man that he didn't get to hold for the last time, die. He watched the man he didn't get to make love to, one last time, die. He watched as the father of his baby, died. He watched, as his soul-mate's car, and his heart, exploded.
The funeral was the next day. Everyone was too shocked to actually believe that Jason was gone. Eric did move. He sat in his seat as Ruby tired to be string for them both. He dint have the strength to go to cemetery, no one questioned him.
The next six months were as painful as the moment Jason died. Eric fell into a deep depression. Ruby took him to his therapy. She never went herself, she knew how to grieve. After four months, Eric was able to go by himself. After six months, his life was looking up. He only went to therapy two times a week. Emily moved in with him. Ruby sold her place in the city, and moved back to Philly permanently.
The day she received the call from Kathy, she knew her life had changed. She called Eric, and basically told him that he was coming with her. Emily would take care of things while he was gone. He reluctantly agreed. Ruby knew that this time away from his worries, would do him good, would do both of them good.
~~ 2000
Eric walked to the window and watched the sun as began to set. He thought of Jase. He thought of Justin. He cried. He got out his cell and called Emily.
" Hello?"
" Hey Emmy."
" Hey stranger, I was beginning to think you forgot about us."
" Never."
" How are you?"
" I am, well, I'm okay."
" Well I'm here if you need me."
" I know, I just spent the entire day thinking about the past year,"
" Oh, baby, don't do that to yourself."
" I had to. I think I have to relive Jase, to realize the opportunities that in front of me."
" I see."
Justin walked past Eric's door and saw it was open, he walked in and saw him on the phone, and he was facing the widow. He walked in and sat down on the couch and waited.
" Anyway, I called to see how Jason was?"
" Jason is amazing! He misses you though."
" And did he tell you that?"
" Every night!"
" Tell him daddy loves him, k?"
" Of course,"
" G'night Emmy. I love you baby."
" I love you too. 'Night."
Eric closed the phone and turned around. He stopped as he saw Justin sitting there, his mouth gaping open. Before Eric could say anything, Justin was crying, and running out the door.
" Damn it!" Eric yelled into the air. ~~~~~~
Chapter 11
Eric avoided everyone for the next few days. He kept to the back of the bus when they traveled, and he locked himself in his room when they stayed put. None of the guys avoided him, or questioned him. Justin hadn't told them what he heard. He was grateful for that.
After a week, JC started to worry. Eric didn't know how to explain to him, that that boyfriend he had talked about, was so much more. Whenever there was a time when Eric and Justin were together, either one of them made an excuse not to be there. Lance was confused but happy that Justin was being attentive. Joey and Chris didn't really pay much attention. Chris only began to care when Ruby got upset. Britney didn't know how to help. Whenever she saw him, he looked pale, but he was silent.
" Alright, we lost Aaron as an opening act, and I've been trying to find someone else. It's been hard, but we found someone that we all already know."
" Who is it?" JC asked softly.
" TJ Espinoza."
" What?!?" Britney jumped from her chair.
" Is something wrong?"
" TJ? As in my TJ?"
" Well, yes."
" But, but, huh?"
" His album comes out in a couple weeks, you knew that."
" I know, it's just. I miss that's all."
" Aww, Britty."
" Shush."
" Anyway, he'll be here in a couple hours, and-."
Ruby was interrupted by a knock on the door. She motioned Lance to open it. A woman walked in, a smile on her face. Ruby dropped her papers and ran to her.
" Oh my god, Emily!"
" Hey Rubes."
" What are you doing here?"
" When you told me Eric had been withdrawn, I had to come. I thought if he had Jason with him, he would be better. He has never been away from him. They need each other, and I need a vacation."
" Yeah! Wow, is he here?"
" Yeah, just a second."
Emily walked out of the room for a moment. The guys and Britney sat and watched in awe and were intrigued. Who was this woman? She returned a few moments later with a child in her arms. He was about seven months old. He had dark curls upon his head, and blue eyes. Eric always said it was fate that he looked like Jase. Ruby took the child in her arms and twirled him around. He giggled at his aunt.
" Oh, Em, Eric will be so happy to you, and especially to see this wonderful beautiful being. Oh, he looks so much like Jason."
The guys exchanged looks, now they were really confused. Justin looked down. He knew who the woman was, and who the baby was. At least he thought so.
" I know. The more he grew, I could have sworn that Jase was his father. I suppose that is one of the reason Eric depends on him so much."
" Could it be that he just loves his son?"
'Son?' Everyone looked at each other.
" Of course. Jase would have been so happy. But, ah enough of dat. Where is my Eric?"
Justin was about to explode. Her Eric? He couldn't stand it anymore.
" Your Eric, where do you get off?"
" Justin!" Ruby looked at him as if he was crazy.
Emily walked to him. She hugged him.
" You must be Justin. Eric speaks of you all the time."
" I bet he does!"
" He does. He loves you."
" He what!?!"
JC stood, as did Lance. Although Lance knew this, he had to act the part. He walked to Justin and put his arms around his waist. Justin sunk into Lance's arms, but his eyes gave off a weird emotion. Emily looked into them, at Lance, at JC, at Ruby. Ruby shrugged. She wanted to help, but she didn't want to make things worse. Emily backed away from everyone.
" Where is his room? Obviously, I have interrupted something. I should go."
" Yeah, you should." Justin spit it out in disgust.
" I'm sorry that don't seem to like me. I don't have the foggiest idea why, but um, I have to go."
" Room 345. I'll walk you there Emmy."
" Thank you."
" What the fuck was that about Justin? Explain this now!"
" That's his son, and his wife!"
" Wife? What?"
" I over heard a conversation last week. He's been lying this whole time."
" I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation for this." JC said, he wanted to believe what he had said so badly.
" Yeah, I'd love to hear."
Justin sat back down. He did want to know what was up with the kid and woman, but more importantly was what she said about Eric loving him. Did he?
" I'm sorry for Justin, he's young."
" And from what Eric tells me, he is very confused."
" Yes, he is."
" Does he love Eric?"
" I see it in his eyes. But because Eric chose JC over Justin as to not hurt JC, Justin turned to Lance, and now its just a big mess."
" I see. I saw something in Justin's eyes, that was weird."
" What?"
" I saw Jase in his eyes. When I first saw Justin, it was like I looking at a blond version of Jase."
" I guess I never noticed, or never wanted notice, but they do look alike."
" As if they were the same person, its freaky if you ask me."
" Yes, it is. Oh no."
" What?"
" What if Eric saw it too, and loves Justin as a way of loving Jase, using him?"
" No, I heard Eric voice when he spoke of Justin, he loves him. but I wonder, if the reason he was drawn to Justin was because of his resemblance to Eric's dead husband."
" You call them husbands?"
" Yeah, its an automatic response I guess."
" For me too, they were mean to be together. But, here we are. Good luck. Good bye sweetie pie, now, if Daddy bores you, come to Auntie Ruby, okay?"
" Thanks Rubes."
" Anytime."
Emily walked in, Ruby had given her a key. She saw Eric curled up on the bed. He was sleeping. That's all he did anymore. He slept when he had to escape reality. He had gone days with no food. His body had begun to go numb. He didn't notice things anymore. He didn't notice when his sister and son walked into the room. Emily sat down on the bed next to her brother and ran her fingers through his hair. It was slick with oil. She guessed he hadn't moved in a while.
She placed Jason down on the couch and turned on Sesame Street. She carefully picked up her brother and ran him a bath. He didn't seem to wake up until after s he had finished bathing him. He looked at her with dead eyes. She smiled at her brother. She picked him up, wrapped him in a towel, and called room service.
She fed him bits of food, every once in a bit checking on Jason, he was clapping his hands a laughing along with Elmo. She finished with the food and brought Jason to see his father. She didn't know f he'd respond, but it was worth a shot. She propped Jason up on her knees and turned Eric's head. Jason was gurgling and laughing. Still nothing from Eric. He seemed to be lost in his own world.
" You know you cant keep escaping to this made up place where I don't really exist right?"
" But, Jase, I cant do this."
" Of course you can. You have to."
" Why?"
" We have a son don't we?"
" Yeah. Jason. I named him after his daddy."
" I know you did sweet heart. What's his middle name?"
" That is his middle name, we call him Jason for you I guess."
" What's his first name?"
" You'll never guess?"
" Why not?"
" Because it's the same name as the man I'm in love with."
" You named our baby Justin Jason Jones? JJJ, what were you thinking?"
" Not Jones."
" What then?"
" Green."
" I see. But JJ?"
" I thought it was cute, and Justin, well, it was your fathers name."
" Oh baby. Yes it was."
" What are doing talking to me, when you could be with JJ?"
" What do you mean?"
" You gotta snap out of this dream world you have built yourself. Now!"
" Come on JJ, say Daddy."
Eric heard voices. He shook his head and saw his sister in front of him. He heard a laugh and looked down. His son was clapping his hands in his aunt's face. Eric started to laugh. Emily looked to her brother and began to cry,
" Oh, baby, why are you crying."
" Are you okay?"
" Yeah, I'm sorry, I do that when reality is too messed up."
" Well, I'm here now and so is this bouncing bundle of joy."
" Hey JJ. Come here, daddy needs you."
Emily placed JJ in his father's arms. JJ snuggled into his father's embrace. It was home to him.
" Sleep baby sleep
While the world passes by
I'll be the keeper of your dreams tonight
I'll be your eyes,
Until you can see
I'll be your voice,
Until you can speak."
Eric looked at his sister and smiled. This was what he needed. He needed his son. Somehow, he thought he could escape Jason's memory if he left JJ. Now he knew, that Jason was always going to be with him. JJ was his light. When he laughed, Eric laughed along with him, when he cried, Eric heart cried. Eric was JJ's home. When they were away from each other, both were lost.
Eric began to think that that was why he was messing around with other people's lives. He was lost. Trying to find a way, any way, somehow. When all he needed, was his son's touch.
" In this land of strangers
I'll be the one
To love and protect you
Guide and respect you
In my arms you will be
In my arms you will be
Forever home."
Emily watched as her brother sang to his son. She cried. Finally, Eric was home. Jason had taught this song to Eric about a month before they were supposed to get married, and get JJ. This was a father's lullaby.
Eric went over the words and music for hours until he nailed it. They used to stand in the nursery and sing it together each night. She knew that if was singing this to his son, than he was finally moving past the part of his life that revolved around Jason, and was finally going to be the father JJ needed, and man that Eric needed himself to be.
" Sleep baby sleep
In an ocean of love
No way of knowing
What you're thinking of
Close to the heart
That's where you belong
You're part of my spirit
Part of my song."
Eric looked at his son. He was beginning to grow tired. His tiny eyes fluttered shut. His cute but small mouth yawed. Eric backed up and laid back on a couple pillows. He placed JJ on his chest and watched as his tiny son fell asleep. His tiny body moved up and down along with Eric's breathing. Eric ran his fingers though JJ's delicate brown curls.
Tears escaped his eyes. He was blissfully happy. Him and his son were a team forever. He just wished that there was another member to his team. They always had Jason watching over them, but he closed his eyes and thought of another.
Emily watched as her brother cried. She didn't try to stop him. He had so many emotions running though out his body. She knew that partly he cried for lost time, but also, for lost love. She wished there was something she could do to make that hurt go away.
" First, last, and always
I'll be the one
To love and protect you
Guide and respect you
In my arms you will be
In my arms you will be
In my arms you will be
In my arms you will be
Forever home."
Justin and the others walked back to their rooms. From one of the rooms, Eric's they heard a song. Justin stopped his walking and walked into the room. The last time he walked in uninvited he over heard somethings that he shouldn't have, but this time, it was different. He heard a voice that seemed to calm his nerves.
He walked in and saw Eric laying down on the bed. A baby was laying on his stomach. Eric was singing to the baby. Justin sat on the couch and listened to the song. It was a song of love. He knew it. Randall sang it to Steven. He was still upset at the entire situation, but when he saw Eric holding his son, the anger left his body, and was filled with joy and tranquility.
Without thinking he walked to the bed and crawled up and onto to it. Emily smiled at the young man's courage. She backed away towards the bathroom. Justin laid down next to Eric and listened as he finished the song.
" Have you come to show me
What love's all about
To lift up my faith
Higher than doubt
In my arms you will be
In my arms you will be
In my arms you will be
In my arms you will be
Forever home.
Forever home
Forever home."
( Forever Home-A Father's Lullaby, sung by Wally Kurth on the General Hospital soundtrack)
Justin wanted Eric to know he was there, and that he loved him. Justin placed his hand over Eric's. Eric's eyes remained closed. His face was so peaceful. Justin traced each finger. He bent his head and kissed each one too, Still, nothing form Eric. He placed his hands on Eric's cheeks.
Eric knew it was Justin. He didn't move though. He didn't want Justin to stop touching him
Justin traced every line on Eric's face. With one finger he went from ear to ear to nose to eyes to cheeks to mouth,. He traces Eric's lips slowly and sensually. He looked away and at JJ. Suddenly he felt a warm wetness on his finger. He looked back up at Eric. With his eyes still closed, he began to suck gently on Justin's finger. Justin slowly lowed to his face to Eric's. He withdrew his finger but quickly replaced it with his own lips. Eric opened his mouth to allow Justin's tongue access. This kiss meant so much. So much more than their fist one had.
Justin slowly swirled his tongue around Eric's mouth. He nibbled on Eric bottom lip. Their tears mixed together.
Emily walked to them and took JJ off Eric and walked back to the couch in the other room of the suite.
Justin slowly climbed on top of Eric. He stretched out and rested his own head on Eric's chest. His tears rolled off his face and onto Eric's wife beater. Eric opened his eyes and ran a hand through Justin's mop of curls. Justin moved his arms and placed his hands along side Eric's shoulders. With his other arm, he draped it over Justin's back and rubbed it gently.
JC and Lance wondered where Justin went. The saw Eric door open. They walked into the room and to the bedroom door. They stood a ways back but still could look in and what they saw Justin was laying on top of Eric.
" I love you." Justin whispered softly into Eric's chest.
" I love you too."
JC looked at Lance. Lance kept looking at the couple. He smiled to himself. JC dropped to the floor. He was heartbroken. Lance looked at JC as the fell to the floor in obvious pain. He closed Eric's door and helped JC out of the room and back to his own. He tucked JC into bed and against his own wantings, left the room.
He walked back to Eric and Justin's room. This time though, Emily was in pain sight. He passed the room and walked to his own. All he ever wanted to was everyone to be happy. He was happy Justin was, but at what cost?
Justin fell asleep on top of Eric. Eric made no sudden movements. He slowly rolled him off and walked out to his sister. Emily was on the couch watching TV. She looked up, smiled, and patted the seat next to her.
" So?"
" I love him so much."
" He loves you too."
" How do you know."
" I could see it in his eyes."
" You used to say that about Jason."
" Yeah, I did. But this is Justin. And when he came in here, there was nothing but love in his eyes."
" I'm glad you came."
" You are?"
" You brought my family home. My son, you. Justin heard me singing to JJ, I love them both so much. But the question is, can I have both?"
" Do you want both?"
" I need them both in my life, in my heart."
" I think you already made up your mind."
" Thank you for being my sister."
" Well I didn't have much say, but you're welcome."
" Sister?"
Justin fell to the bed laughing. Here he was worried about what his wife would say, and it turned out to be his sister. He opened the door and walked to them. Eric saw him and smiled. Justin walked to Eric and sat down next to him, his legs draped over and onto Eric's lap. Eric leaned over and kissed Justin's lips. Justin sat back and smiled.
" Emily, I'm sorry I was so rude before I sorta though you were his wife."
" His wife! No way! Twin sister."
" Twins?"
" Yeah. Justin, meet Emily, she has been looking after JJ while I was away. JJ is my son. You probably figured that out already though."
" Yeah, but how?"
" I will tell you, just not tonight. I'm quite tired."
" Alight, I'll leave."
" You wont stay?"
" You want me too?"
" Forever."
" Say you love me."
" You love me." Eric smiled cheeky smile at Justin.
" Seriously!" Justin punched him in the arm.
" Ow. But really. I love you Justin, more than I though I could ever love anyone again. I love you smile, and the way you pout when things don't go your way. I love the way your eyes light up like a child when you get excited. I love that mop of curls you gave grown on your head. I love your heart. I love how you will care for someone, even when they have been nothing but mean to you. I love how you cared for me, when I had been nothing but horrible to you. I love your soul. I love the look you get when you see me. I love you."
" Wow. I don't know how to respond to that."
" Here's a way."
Eric gathered Justin into this arms and onto his lap. They kissed. Justin looked up at him.
" I love you too." ~~~~~~~~ Awww, how sweet! I got that one out faster than i expected to. But i hope yall enjoyed it. Had to make one sweet ending chapter, lol. Please Send feedback, ?'s anything, or just plain ole hi how ya doing email to me, Elisheva, at MrClean290@aol.com thanks!