LOVE THROUGH HYPERSPACE CHAPTER 3: ARE GAY RELATIONSHIPS LIKE THE SEA?
This story is completely imaginary. If any gay material offends you; then why are you reading gay material? As for anyone under 18 you know the drill you shouldn't be reading this.
The door slowly opened to reveal Daniel, his dark untamed hair flowing as the wind hit his face. I could feel myself trembling, what was this that I felt; I was overcome with emotion. I wondered how he felt opening the door, as I appeared unannounced? I wondered if he was shocked or amused; or even happy. I hoped that he had felt the way I did.
"Hey, can I come in?" I asked
"Of course you can; I invited you -- well maybe I invited you to come round tomorrow but hey the earlier the better," He smiled as he ruffled his hair. I wonder if he was analysing me at that moment, because he looked into my eyes and gave me a smile. As he smiled like that at me, I began to feel that he actually had feelings towards me. I didn't want him to have feelings for me; I had gotten used to the idea of being alone all my life. I didn't want love but why did I go there? I can't answer that question my self. I had no defence against Daniel; he did not need any protection against me.
I entered cautiously as I knew what a typical student dorm was like. I was totally caught off-hand at how clean it was, I was expecting to have to trod through piles of old magazines, half-drank bottles of alcohol and a pile of underwear that was reminiscent to a rubbish heap outside the back of a charity shop. As I walked in I told myself to get a grip of myself; I managed to regain my composure. I looked around; his room was warm and comfortable looking, Red painted walls with pine varnished shelves built into the wall. I noticed an acoustic guitar on his wall.
"Do you play?" He asked
"Guitar, yeah I do, I'm not that good at it though. I just learned how to play that song by Coldplay. What's it called again, oh aye that it; it's called Yellow."
I was anxious to hear him play. I could imagine him holding the guitar, his head bowing in concentration plucking away at the nylon stings gently; gently playing a melody for me. My heart began to pound as I imagined him with the guitar, what was it that I was feeling? Was it love was it lust -- I said earlier that I didn't want to be loved, I didn't want to feel love, because all relationships that I have seen gay men have imitated the tides. One man goes out to sea and another replaces him. Nothing strong, nothing infinite, nothing complete enough to make me think that I could one day have a life long companion. But that was only my view at the time if only I knew then what I did now, I would have never needed a hyperspace reality to feel loved. But in that moment I didn't need hyperspace, I didn't need a defence mechanism or a way out I just wanted to let go, I wanted to fall, I wanted to feel, I was standing right in front of the lights and I would not budge; for in that moment I could finally feel.
"Play for me?" I asked, as I gently placed his hand round the handle of the guitar.
Daniel pulled a pillow from his bed and placed it in on his window ledge. He got himself comfortable and took a strong firm grip of the guitar. Not only did he play beautifully but he also sang like and angel as well -- just like in hyperspace. I almost actually confused reality and hyperspace. I found myself asking myself if this was real or if I was hit by the lights and now in a coma. I looked in his eyes -- the stars shone inside them. I could feel shivers running up and down my spine. He smiled at me as he continued to play, he sang and played me like he did that guitar. I was amazed at how beautiful he really was. I couldn't stop looking at him, looking into his eyes, I then believed that I was in love; I just stared amorously into his eyes until he finally put down the guitar.
"Luke why did you come?" He asked trying to look into my eyes - I hid my face so that he could not see the tears. . I could feel his concern for me but I was too scared to let go of my defence. Too scared.
"I'm fine it's nothing."
"There's obviously something, you can tell me," he said as he gently stroked the tears from my cheeks. He placed the palm of his hand oh the side of my face. My heart was in my throat; I had ripples dancing up and down my spine. I felt excited and scared but most of all in that moment I felt complete. This wasn't hyperspace, this wasn't my imagination; this was real. As he touched me I could here the crashing of waves from outside. This moment for me was magical.
"Daniel I'm in love with you."
He looked at me. He looked in my eyes for what seemed like hours. He ran his hands through my hair and began to whisper in my ear,
"I love you too."
I could feel everything that I worked for slipping away, I was scared more that ever before. All the misconceptions of my bullet hole ridden youth haunted me, travelled beside me, taunted me, told me that I was no different from any one else that, I would only get hurt, that all that love would do was bring about pain. I was scared, but I didn't care. Nothing mattered now. Nothing but the moment mattered to me.
"Daniel I'm scared."