Loving Conor

For those of you who have been missing it... Sex is back in The House! In fact, the last half of this chapter is loaded with it... so sit back and catch up on Brandon and Conor, then grab your cum rag and have some fun.

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Loving Conor - Chapter 14

Rays of light, shining through Jim's window, woke me. I had been here before, the day after I lost Julie... no, not in Jim's room, but in some surreal place where time seems to stand still. The Sun had set and rose again, waves continued to crash against the beach, and people everywhere went about their business... all oblivious to the fact that my world had stopped. The little sleep I had managed to get was fitful, but continuing to lie in bed wouldn't fix that. I forced my feet to the ground. Life would go on and not wait for me, I knew, and it was time to get my ass in gear.

After rinsing off in the shower I went to the kitchen. My appetite was fried, and the smell of eggs, bacon, and coffee that had just been delivered only made it worse. I grabbed some fruit, yogurt, and juice. Hungry or not, I planned on a day of action, and I needed all the energy I could get. The email icon on my phone flashed annoyingly... it was as good a place to start as any.

Word had apparently gotten out that I quit my job, and it seemed everyone was jealous of my move to Florida. I replied to three emails from people who I knew actually cared, then deleted my work account, surprised at how easy it was to close that chapter of my life. Sifting through my personal account, two emails caught my attention... one from an auto transport company, and one from my realtor.

No matter what else the day held, it had started off with welcome news... "Sweets" was being delivered soon! I had purchased the `68 Mustang convertible in college and restored it myself over the years. Given the amount of time I spent with the car, Julie referred to it as my "mistress", so I had named it "Sweetheart" to tease her. Ultimately the shortened version, "Sweets", stuck. My excitement was tempered by the fact that I couldn't share it with Conor.

The next bit of news nearly made me choke on a blueberry. My realtor had suggested that I price my house at over twice what I had paid for it due to improvements I had made and comps in the area. I had to read the email three times to be sure, but... someone had offered my full asking price, in a cash deal! Although housing in Florida was much higher, the amount left after paying off the mortgage would be more than enough to get a new start without going deep into debt. I had just finished signing the e-doc with my acceptance when Sam walked in.

"Good morning, Sam."

"Is it?"

Sam poured a cup of coffee and started to leave the room, then stopped and looked at me.

"What happened to Mr. doom and gloom?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I had an enlightening night, and I decided not to give up on Conor."

Sam sipped her coffee, staring at me as if trying to read my thoughts. "If you're serious, I'll help."

"Look, Sam. I consider you a friend, but I know you're invested in Conor, so why are you so willing to help me?"

Sam took another sip. "Because he's not himself, and you're good for him."

"Well, I guess that's a fair answer. I quit my job and just sold my house, is that serious enough for you?"

"Holy shit, Brandon, are you crazy?"

"Probably... but who do you know that isn't crazy?"

"Umm... Good point. I'll do what I can, but I need some help from you, too."

"Name it."

"Unless Conor comes back, I'm stuck planning the rest of the events. I have ideas, but it's too damn early to process shit."

"Okay, toss me some ideas and I'll start writing, then we'll narrow it down and list everything we need."

Sam and I spent the next hour brainstorming, and by her third cup of coffee, we had a complete set of plans for The House events. When we wrapped up the last detail, Sam smiled at me. "We make a good team."

I smiled back. "I'm glad you think so, Sam."

"Now, how can I help you with Conor?"

I had been considering the question long before she asked, and I knew the answer.

"I need to talk to Sean without Conor knowing. If anyone knows what's going on, he does."

"Oh, is that all? I thought you would need something easy, like turning back time... how the hell can I help with that?"

"I know it's a lot to ask, but if can you get Conor and the moms to meet you for lunch, I can sneak into Sean's room. The hospital food isn't that bad, and I'm buying."

"Lunch? I can do that. I've never met Nancy, and I guess it would be rude not to include Sean's mom, even though I still think he's the enemy. I'll call Conor later and see what I can do. Right now I need to shower and get Tom's ass out of bed to help you."

"Good, that's a start. We can catch up later."

Sam got up to leave the room.

"Hey, Sam."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for your help."

"Ditto."

The event planned for the evening involved moving the equipment from the Red Room into the common room. Everything I saw, heard, or touched reminded me of Conor, and I knew the Red Room would even more. I walked through the red door and stood in the center of the room. So much had happened in such little time that it seemed like an eternity had passed. I closed my eyes and let the memories flood in...

"Need any help with that?"

I heard the deep voice and felt the strong arms around me, then smiled at the deja vu moment. "Yeah, you think we should start with the sling, or the whipping pole?"

"The sling, but that fucker won't fit through the door. I'll go find some tools."

Tom slapped my ass and made a quick exit.

The sling was built well... it had to be, and It took a half hour to disassemble the thing. At least I had the foresight to take pictures as we went along or no telling how long it would have taken us to put it back together. The rest of the tables and other equipment were simply a matter of time and muscle, except for the whipping pole, which was bolted to the floor. After much deliberation with Sam, we gave in and unbolted the heavy wooden beam, then rolled it into the Common room on a cart. Tom seemed to think he could find a way to secure it safe enough to use for the event, and after spending time with him behind the bar, I didn't doubt he could do it.

It had been fun working with Tom, and good to get a jump on the event preparations, but the morning was almost gone and I needed to get to Sean. I was just about to find Sam when she came to me, holding her phone. "Well, here goes."

"Hey, Conor."

"No, everything is fine, I was just wondering if I could meet you for lunch."

"Seriously? He seemed like he was in bad shape."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense. Maybe we can meet another..."

"Yes, he's around here somewhere, but I had to beg him to stay. Why the hell did you break up with him, anyway?"

"No, why would he talk to me about it? It's not like we're friends or..."

"I got my first clue when he threw his suitcase down the hall and almost took my head off!"

"Of course he's mad! What the fuck did you think would happen?"

Sam pulled her phone away from her ear and raised an eyebrow at me. I couldn't tell what Conor was saying, but it was obvious that he wasn't happy with with Sam's line of questioning.

"Okay fine, it's none of my business, don't get your panties in a ruffle!"

"Yes, I have everything planned and ready. You just do what you gotta do."

"Okay then, bye bye."

Sam ended the call.

"Guilty much? Sheesh, that boy needs counseling. Are you sure you want him back?"

"With all his flaws and rough edges... yes, I still want him back. What happened with lunch?"

Sam broke eye contact and looked down at her phone. "Sean is being released from the hospital. Apparently he has less chance of infection if he goes home."

"That doesn't surprise me. You would be amazed how many bugs you can catch in a hospital. Thanks for trying, Sam."

"What now?"

"I'm going for a walk to think about it. Maybe I'll run into my counselor."

"Your counselor?"

I smiled at Sam. "It's a long story, but one worth telling. I'll fill you in later."

It was overcast when I reached Rose's boutique. I didn't see Rose anywhere, but there was another note on the door. The note was on pink paper like the last, but this time had a street address on it with no name or additional information. Not knowing who the address was intended for, or where it led to, I stuck it back in the frame and started for the beach... then stopped. Was the note for me? Deciding it couldn't hurt to check, I punched the info in my phone. Whatever the address led to was only a few blocks away so I set out.

Within a couple of minutes, the rain started. I decided rain was the least of my worries and kept going. By the time I reached my destination, it was pouring. My architectural mind registered the uniqueness of the house as I knocked on the door, hoping Rose would answer.

"Goodness, Brandon, come inside. I'll get you a towel."

As I stood, dripping wet at the entrance, I looked around at the unexpected sight. Rose's house was a fusion of the old and new, in both architecture and style, with a timeless look. Rose returned with the towel.

"Your place is amazing!"

"You were expecting cats and musty old books?"

I smiled at the question... but didn't admit she was right.

"Come, have a seat. The tea should just be ready."

Rose disappeared into the kitchen. I was still damp, and hesitated to sit down.

"Don't worry, the couch will dry!"

I shook my head and sat down. When Rose returned with the tea tray, I wasn't surprised to see honey offered instead of sugar, just the way I like my tea.

"How do you do it, Rose?"

"What is it I am doing, Brandon?"

"I mean, the tea was ready when I got here? The note on your door? Clarisa, the girl in the poster, who found hope again? The way you knew I loved Conor when I wasn't even sure myself? I've never put much stock in the supernatural, but I'm starting to believe..."

Rose laughed. "I'm afraid it's much less exciting than mind reading or spirit guides, Brandon. I always have tea when it's raining. The note was simply a reminder not to give up on love. The girl found hope because she has loving friends, and hope is always near where love exists."

"I don't know, Rose, it still seems a bit of a stretch. What about the address with no name, or how you always seem to appear when I need you?"

"You mean the address written on the same rose colored paper as the other note? Phones are too impersonal, so I left my address. I take the same walk to the shop at least twice a day, and you just happened to be there. It is no mystery, Brandon, one simply needs to look and listen. Take a look around. What can you tell me about the architect who designed this house?"

"Ummm... I see attention to detail, experience, and..."

"No, look deeper. What can you tell me of their life and personality? What were they feeling when they drew the lines? You are an architect, Brandon, let the house speak to you."

I struggled with the concept Rose was suggesting, then something clicked. "They were well traveled... immersed in culture... studious... serious but spontaneous... sometimes whimsical... and very passionate."

"Go on. Look deeper."

"Okay, well... the architect was likely European, and missed home but found a reason... probably a person, and chose to stay. I would say this house was built for someone he loved."

I saw Rose's eyes gloss over, and somehow I knew.

"Your husband was the architect, wasn't he?"

Rose wiped the tears forming in her eyes, then took a picture from the end table and handed it to me. "Marco, yes, an architect among other things. Everything you said was true, Brandon. Apparently I'm not the only one with supernatural powers in the room."

"I can't believe I just did that."

"It's one thing to know others, Brandon, but another thing entirely to know yourself. Now, since you know my crystal ball is broken, please tell me why you're here, and don't spare the details."

I started with the day I met Conor and told the story from beginning to end, including Sean's account... but left out the sex of course. I could tell Rose was listening to what I wasn't saying as much as what I was saying. I had to take a moment when I reached the part about Conor breaking up with me, but was finally able to finish.

Rose rubbed her temples... "I may yet regret giving you my address, Brandon... but let's begin. This, Sean, is an enigma to me, and I think to you as well. I don't believe you know the whole story, but with what you've told me, I agree that he and Conor are not likely still in love."

"Can you help me at all, then? I'm afraid I'm at a total loss here."

"Indeed... but before we go on, you should know that we have something in common. What I am about to share will give credence to a truth you may find very hard to accept. As I tell my story, it will be important for you to listen with your feelings, as much as your ears, understand?"

"I think I do, please continue."

"Marco and I met in Italy when I was sixteen. I was in love with the theater, and he was directing his first play. Our connection was instant and very real, though he was nearly twice my age. We spent much time together, but Marco was a true gentleman and never touched me beyond a kiss. When my mother started asking questions, I denied my relationship with Marco, afraid of what she would think, or what my father may do. The day I left him, Marco said that he would never give up on me. Marco held to his promise, and many years later, he found me and we were married. After only five years, Marco was taken from me by a drunk driver. Marco's death was tragic, but the true tragedy was the years we missed together because I was afraid. Fear, Brandon! Fear can be worse than death! Look inside yourself. You understand what I'm saying, don't you?"

Realization didn't sink in, it hit me like a fucking freight train. I put my head in my hands and grabbed fistfuls of hair. "It's me... it's been me the whole damn time! I thought someone had come between us... I just didn't consider that I was that someone!"

"Yes, you gave in to fear! How do you expect for Conor to be sure of your love if you don't tell him? You say he's afraid, and he may be, yet he's told you that he loves you twice? You say you've given up everything for him, but as far as he knows you're going back to Arizona? Conor pushed you out because of your lack of commitment. He pushed you out to protect his heart, Brandon."

"Am I too late, Rose?"

"It is possible, but you will never know if you give up. Remember, hope is always near where love exists... so what are you going to do about it, Brandon?"

I was already one step out the door as Rose yelled. "You still owe me lunch!"

"I owe you more than lunch, Rose!"

The rain had stopped, the clouds cleared, and I ran. By the time I reached The House, I was soaking wet again, but from sweat. I swiped my entry card and plowed through the front door. When I didn't see anyone in the Common room, I ran to the kitchen... and right into the pizza delivery guy, who was talking with Tom.

"Oh, shit, sorry!"

"It's cool, man. I been hit harder than that."

"Jerome, right?"

"Yeah man... ummm..."

I held my hand out. "I'm Brandon."

I could tell Jerome was trying to place where he had seen me before, but I wasn't about to remind him... so Tom did for me.

"Brandon was blowing some serious jizz the last time..."

Jerome laughed. "I remember. You and the blond boy... ain't no way I could forget that."

"Yeah, sorry you had to see it."

"Nah man, it's cool, it's cool. That's the day I got my wires crossed and shit."

"He means the day he found out..."

"I got it, Tom. No one here will judge you, Jerome."

"Yeah, I know. I gotta get back to work, but I'll catch ya'll tonight."

"Tonight?"

"I invited him to the event, if that's okay."

"It's fine with me, as long as you know what you are getting yourself into."

"Yeah, man, I do."

"Okay, good. I'll see you tonight, then."

As soon as Jerome left the room, I got back to business.

"Is Sam around? I need to talk to her."

"Nah. The girls all went out for lunch. Me and the boys got the pizza. You can hang with us if you want."

"Thanks, Tom, I... that sounds good."

"Sup, bro? Conor again?"

"Yeah... I realized something important and... I doubt I can get him to come to me, so I need to find out where Sean lives."

"How much you love me?"

"What?"

"How much you love me?"

"I love you like a brother, Tom. Why?"

"Pizza dude delivers to Sean, too."

Tom held his hand up, holding a piece of paper.

"No shit?"

"Yep, he remember Conor from before. Now how much you love me?"

Tom nearly fell on the chair behind him as I wrapped my arms around his slim, but muscular frame and kissed his forehead, face, and neck.

"Okay, okay! I was hoping for some tongue, but that'll do."

"Seriously, Tom... I don't even know what to say."

"Don't say shit, just eat some pizza. You know I got your back, bro."

"I know... wait... do any of these pizzas have "special sauce"?"

"Haha, no, you good to chow down... but you know you can't just go bang on Sean's door, right? That would be some creepy stalker shit, and it won't work."

"Yeah, I know. We'll come up with something."

Between the flying pepperoni and dirty jokes, I felt like I was back in college. I thought of Jim, and understood why The House was what it was. We get so damn caught up in the monotony of life, that we forget how to enjoy it. Jim had set up the perfect environment for fun and sexual freedom... it was college without the stress of books and exams. Despite current events, The House experience had changed my life. I made a note to thank Jim when I saw him. Then, the whole experience turned on its head... What would Jim say when he found out I had been banging his godson? Worse, what would he do when he found out that I shattered Conor's world? I didn't need more motivation to make things right with Conor... but I had it. A tug on my shirt snapped me from my thoughts. I followed a surprised looking Sam into the hallway.

"What's wrong, Sam?"

"Don't be mad, okay?"

"Why do I have a feeling I will be?"

"We had lunch at that Irish pub, and I kind of ran into Nancy, then she kind of followed us here and wants to talk to you."

"You brought her here, like in The House, here?"

"Yeah, I left her by the sling... of course I didn't bring her in here! She's out front with Sean's mom in his car."

"What do you know? Did she say anything? Why does she want to talk..."

"Chill, Brandon! I didn't talk to her about anything. We sat at a table next to two ladies. It wasn't hard to figure out who they were. I introduced myself, and she remembered that I dated Conor and... nevermind, just get out there!"

My palms were sweating before I could even reach the front door. If I knew anything, it was that you don't ever piss off a mom, and I was headed to two of them. I didn't think Conor would have necessarily said anything bad about me, but I had caused him grief, and that was enough. Seeing the black car with tinted windows didn't calm my nerves any.

As I approached the car, I shoved thoughts of castration to the back of my mind and focused on the possibility of getting a message to Conor. A dark, backseat, window rolled down, and I hesitantly stuck my face through.

"Join us, Brandon."

I embraced my fate, opened the door, and got in.

"It's umm.. good to see you both. How is Sean?"

Chloe, who was sitting in the driver's seat, took her sunglasses off and... smiled? "Sean is in pain, but you wouldn't know it. His spirits are higher than I've ever seen them, thanks to you."

"I suppose getting a second chance at life can have that effect."

"It's more than that, Brandon. Sean has seen what a real relationship can be, and he has hope that he can one day have the same."

I was completely bewildered by Chloe's statement. "I... didn't Conor tell you what happened with our relationship?"

Nancy turned around, but wasn't smiling. "Conor hasn't told us anything. In fact, he hardly speaks, he hasn't slept, and he refuses to eat."

Nancy couldn't continue, so Chloe took over. "Though Sean speaks highly of you in private, he will only say that Conor left you. It's obvious he knows more, but he won't betray Conor. We don't mean to pry, but..."

"It's my fault! I hurt him... not physically, and certainly not intentionally, but..."

Hearing Conor was in bad shape brought on a wave of mixed emotions. It hurt me to know that he was hurting, but at the same time, confirmed that he still cared. The tears hit hard, and there was nothing I could do to stop them. I covered my face with my t-shirt, and just cried. It didn't register when she changed seats, or whose gentle hands were cradling my head, or who was crying with me, until Chloe spoke again from the front seat. "It's obvious you care for him, Brandon. Is there anything that can be done?"

I pulled my face from Nancy's shoulder and took a deep breath. "I don't just care for Conor. I... I love him... and I never told hi..." Emotion threatened to overwhelm me again, but I choked the tears down. "If I could just tell him, at the very least we could have some closure. Do you think... could you convince Conor to talk to me?"

Nancy looked to Chloe, then back at me. "Conor would be furious if he found out his mother was meddling in his affairs. I'm sorry, but if he knew we talked to you, it would only make things worse."

"I believe my son would be willing to help."

I thought about the proposal... "I mean no offense, but I'm having trouble understanding why Sean would help, or why either of you would want to help me. It seems more likely that you would be encouraging Conor and Sean's relationship, now that they've reconnected."

Once again, the two women looked at each other. I detected slight nods, then they looked back at me. "What has Sean told you of his past, Brandon?"

I recounted the story as Sean told it, adding in what Conor had told me about his past, since the two were intertwined.

"That much is true... I will have to beg Sean's forgiveness for telling you more, but I feel it's important.

As you said, Sean's father, Hugh, ripped us from our home and moved us to the country, denying all contact with the outside world. I lost touch with the few friends I had, including Nancy, and even my family. As hard as that was, it was much harder watching my son lose the one he loved... harder still to watch him fight for the love of his father.

After being rejected for loving another boy, Sean tried everything to please Hugh; scoring high marks in school, keeping the yard and garden up, and doing repairs around the house. When Hugh failed to notice, Sean started dating a girl... only to find himself emasculated in front of her and beaten for his efforts. It was then when Sean ran away to find Nancy, but she was gone. Sean returned home, defeated and depressed. Eventually, I became pregnant again. Unable to fathom bringing another baby into our house for that monster to abuse, I hid my pregnancy from Hugh and planned our escape. To this day I don't know how he found out I was leaving him, but when he did...

I thought telling him about the child would make him stop, but it only served to drive him further into rage. I did my best to defend myself, but it was of no use. I had nearly lost consciousness, then all became still and quiet. When I regained my senses, I looked up, and... and saw my son... holding a hammer. I told Sean to run, and to never look back, but he ran for help instead. Despite everything he had done, Sean still loved his father.

They took Sean away that day, and I lost the baby the next. It took nearly a year for the courts to find Sean innocent of murder, and much counseling before I truly had my son back. In order to face the future and heal, Sean had to let his past go... including Conor. With his heart at peace, Sean was able to finish school, get his degree, and find work, which brought him here.

Sean and Conor love each other and that will never change, but they have changed. I suspect the need for a mature man in their life is due to losing their fathers. Yet, as I told you before; when your children have been through what ours have, such things matter little, so long as they are loved.

I am willing to help you because it's the right thing to do, Brandon."

I wiped another tear from my face as I looked from Chloe to Nancy. "Is the same true for you?"

Nancy looked down at her clasped together hands. "I admit that when Conor first told me he found Sean, a part of me hoped they would get back together, though I knew he was with you. I even sought out and found Chloe in my excitement, but... It was Conor who convinced me that I was wrong. For the first time in a very long time my son was happy. I came here with Chloe to support my son's decision, but now... I fear he made a terrible mistake."

"For loving me?"

"For leaving you."

Once again I swallowed the lump in my throat. "You don't know how much this means to me."

"I will talk with Sean, Brandon, but we should go now before the boys worry. My son seems to think his ol' mum can't manage driving on the opposite side of the road without crashing his car."

I hugged both women and we quickly exchanged cell numbers. As I was walking back to The House, Nancy yelled from the window. "Please give my number to Jim when he returns. I would like to see him again!"

As the black car drove off, I yelled back. "I will! Thank you!"

It seemed everyone I knew wanted to see Conor and I together again... but the only one that mattered wasn't talking to me.

Sam was waiting for me as I walked in the door. "Are you okay? I was about to form a rescue party."

"You mean from the Irish Mom Mafia?"

"Yeah, it seemed a little sketchy."

"It was, but I think they may be my best hope to..."

The crack of a whip and someone yelling out in pain ended my conversation with Sam. Visions of Eve returning to claim her vengeance filled my mind as I sprinted around the wall into the Common room.

"That hurt, bastard!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to."

Sam had finished setting things up for the evening event, including all the toys and even a fog machine. Apparently Josh and Kevin couldn't wait. Kevin was tied to the whipping pole with his pants around his ankles, and a bright red stripe on his ass cheek.

"Damn it, Josh, put that thing down and untie Kev!"

With Sam's "mother" tone in full force, Josh dropped the whip and hurried to Kevin. "Sorry, we were just..."

"Just save it. This is exactly why we have professionals teaching tonight."

"Okay, sorry."

The two large boys quickly left for their room, properly scolded.

"Uggg... boys!"

"Professionals?"

"Believe it or not there are actually certifications for this shit. I hired a couple that Charles recommended."

"You hired them? Was that in the budget?."

"Ummm.. shit, I didn't think about that. I'm just winging this you know. Conor left the binder out on the bar the last time he was here. Someone must have put it away."

"Okay, let's look it over so we don't overspend."

Sam grabbed her event plans, and I pulled the binder labeled "Event Budget" from the drawer. Conor had been meticulous in his record keeping, so it was easy to tell that there was more than enough to hire the couple. Sam was even able to add some things to boost upcoming events, while still leaving a surplus.

As I was closing the binder, a paper napkin flipped out. I started to shove it back in, but froze in place when I saw what was written on it. "I want to love you, I really do, and I can't deny the connection we have, but you're leaving. I'm done with the heartache, the aftermath of the loneliness when people leave me!"

Sam took the napkin from my shaking fingers. "Oh shit, are you okay?"

"That's it! I'm calling him, and if he won't talk to me, I'll break Sean's god damned door down!"

Sam started to say something, but swallowed her words with the look I gave her. I grabbed my phone and hit Conor's contact. ... two, three, four rings... "Hello" A female voice I recognized answered.

"Nancy, it's Brandon. Can you please hand Conor the phone?!"

"We just returned and Conor isn't here. Sean said he finally got him to eat some pizza, then he went for a walk. I don't think calling him is the best idea, Brandon. Sean has agreed to talk to him tonight."

"But I need... damn it!... I'm sorry, it's just..."

"It's fine, Brandon. I understand your frustration, but let's give Sean a chance, okay?"

"You're right. I'll try and be more patient and stick to the plan. Can you have Sean delete this call from Conor's phone?"

"Yes, and if you need to talk, please call me. I can step outside."

"Thank you, Nancy. I appreciate that. Please give Sean my thanks."

"I will. Goodbye for now, Brandon."

"Goodbye Nancy."

I ended the call and dropped my phone to the bar top.

"Should I leave you alone?"

"No, Sam, I'm calm now. Sorry."

I grabbed the tequila, poured two shots and slid one to Sam who had taken a few steps away from me.

"Well, we know why he broke up with you now."

"Yeah, I already figured that part out, but let's finish our talk about the event."

"Oh that... well... I hate to do this, but I really need you to stay with the group tonight, in case we have another Eve moment."

"I know. I was thinking the same thing. I'll manage."

"So Sean and the moms are helping you?"

"Yes, but I really don't want to talk about it. It's been a draining day, and I need to rest before the event. Thanks again, Sam. I really appreciate your help, and Tom's too."

"Sure, Brandon; that's what friends are for. I'll keep my fingers crossed."

A crack of the whip signaled the start of the event. The loud sound bounced around my tired brain like a pinball. I had tried and failed once again to sleep, and all I could think about was the paper napkin in my pocket. Did Conor intend for me to find the note, or did he write it and change his mind? Was he trying to tell me to go after him, or to stay away? I knew I would receive no answers by dwelling on the question, so I shook my head and focused on my surroundings.

The main lights had been dimmed, allowing for an array of multicolored lights to flicker and dance on fog that swirled around the group as we all sat on the floor. All eyes were now turned to a remarkably beautiful blond dressed in a sheer gown, accompanied by a very handsome young man decked out in brown leathers. Although US citizens, the young couple's Russian origin was obvious... what was also obvious, is that they were twins. The brother and sister duo had come from a line of ballet dancers, but had apparently strayed from the family profession. Even in my screwed up state, I couldn't deny their allure, like two demigods who stepped out of the clouds to seduce mere mortals. Jerome elbowed me as Rachel let her gown fall, revealing a body that would make Aphrodite jealous.

Dimitri cracked the whip again. "This is a tool, not a toy. The whip demands respect, as does the person wielding it."

Jerome leaned in close. "Those tits got my respect."

I smiled and nodded. Jerome was about to have one of the best nights of his life, and I could have cared less about tits... even if they were absolutely perfect tits.

"The whip..." Dimitri flicked his wrist, sending a coil of leather around Rachel's neck. "... must be mastered." then pulled Rachel to him and forced her to her knees. "... then you become the master."

"You will have a chance to learn more, but for now, you will start with this." Dimitri pulled a cat-o-nine tails from a strap on his waist.

"I will need two volunteers."

Jerome nearly knocked me over raising his hand. Surprised at how quickly he seemed to be moving, I leaned in whispered "Are you sure about this?"

"Hey, man. Go big or go home, right?"

Jerome wasn't the only one anxious to join in, as nearly everyone in the room raised their hand. Dimitri whispered something to Rachel who pointed to Sun, then Jerome, prompting a room full of sighs from those who didn't get picked.

"I see we are all eger. I promise not to disappoint you, but for now, please watch and learn."

Rachel led the two young men to Dimitri. "Ah, Yin and Yang. Good choices, dear. You two follow me."

Dimitri had pointed out the obvious. Jerome's muscular body and dark skin contrasted sharply with Sun's smaller, pale, frame. From the look on Jerome's face, I could tell I wasn't the only one surprised when Sun was handed the cat whip. After a few moments in a huddle with Dimitri, Sun stepped toward Jerome. "Take off your clothes! Now, bitch!"

I prepared myself for a fight... then Jerome pulled his football jersey off.

With everything in check, I pulled the note from my pocket and read it again... as if something would change from the last time... it didn't. When I looked back up, Sam got my attention from across the room, pointing at Jerome and lifting her hands. I didn't need to hear her voice to know she was asking, "What the fuck is he doing up there?" I nodded my head in assurance. Jerome had previously signed the same release of liability waiver that all the guests sign. Besides, I certainly wouldn't be the one to stop him from living his fantasy out.

I looked back to Jerome. He had stripped his pants off, revealing a large bulge tucked behind a black and red jockstrap. As he slid his fingers in the waistband, Dimitri reached out and stopped him.

"Anticipation is the greatest of sexual stimulants. Rachel will choose two more of you to demonstrate."

As Rachel scanned the crowd, Jerome was tied to the Whipping Pole with his arms above his head. It only struck me then that Tom had managed to get the pole standing and secured. Apparently Tom had removed the wheels from the cart then bolted the pole to it. The wide stand held it perfectly in place.

Rachel made her selection. Tom and Sam followed her to the sling, then stripped as Dimitri explained how to properly tie someone and the importance of safe words.

I looked back to Jerome, noticing a scar on his left knee... probably from a sports injury. I also recognized the uncertainty in his face as the first wave of flogging started. Dimitri stood behind Sun and held his arm, explaining the strikes as if giving a tennis lesson. Jerome yelled out when one of the tendrils snaped his nipple. Dimitri adjusted Sun's strike so the flat of the straps landed on Jerome's chest, instead of the stinging ends. Jerome's entire body tensed up as each strike landed on his chest and abs... The memory of Conor almost flogging me with the tails filled my mind... I shook my head to clear the thought.

Turning back to the Sling, Sam was now tied in the seat, legs open spread eagle, but Tom... Tom was suspended above Sam... his face just out of reach of her glistening pussy... his cock inches from her hungry mouth. A string of precum hung from Tom's cock like a spider setting it's web. Sam wiggled against her bonds and opened her mouth in anticipation... I had learned something of anticipation when Conor had me in that very sling, begging him to let me cum... I shook the thought away and pulled my phone from my pocket in case I had missed any messages... but there were none.

"Ahhhhhh!" The yell pulled my attention back to Jerome. The young man, who had likely spent his much of his life working out and proving he was a hard ass, was now having his ass whipped. Sun grinned, then shifted his strikes from Jerome's ass cheeks to his cock and balls, still trapped behind the fabric of the jockstrap.

"Oh fuck! Don't... Ahhhh!"

"Don't what? Don't stop?"

"Ahhhh, fuck! No.... yes... fuck!

If Jerome wanted Sun to stop, he knew the safeword, and the wet spot on his jock told the truth.

My attention was taken back to the sling when Tom moaned and Rachel laughed. The mischievous woman had let Tom down just enough for Sam to reach the tip of his cock with the tip of her tongue... just enough for an occasional flick... and more than enough for Sam's face to be covered with lines of precum.

Rachel then pulled Kat and Carl from the group. The two recruits were holding something that looked like paintbrushes with a long feather at the end. Carl stood behind Tom, tickling his asshole, balls and cock, while Kat painted an invisible picture around Sam's clit.

"This one is perfect for a bitch like you!"

Sun's comment got my attention... and the foxtail buttblug that Sun was smearing lube on got Jerome's.

"Relax, bitch!" Sun reached between Jerome's legs, shoving a finger up his ass. "Fuck you're tight!"

"I never been.... Ahhhhh fuck!"

Sun shoved the buttplug between Jerome's asscheeks.

"You want your virgin ass filled... Don't. You. Bitch!"

Oh his last three words, Sun pushed and twisted the plug deep into Jerome's hole.

"MotherFuckkkk... Ahhhh... Ahhh..."

Though it was probably my imagination, I could swear I heard an audible pop when the plug went in.

"Now you look like the bitch you really are. Let's see what's between your bitch legs."

As his jockstrap was peeled down, Jerome's nine inch monster powered out, letting loose a stream of stored up precum. Jerome breathed a sigh of relief... but Sun grinned again, by no means finished. A borrowed length of leather from Dimitri's wrist guard was wrapped in the space between Jerome's balls and cock, stretching his ball sack tight. Sun grabbed the cat whip and pulled his hand back to strike.

Dimitri grabbed Sun's arm on the backswing "Start gently, then build up to it. Do not injure him."

The leather straps made a light clicking sound as they wrapped around the stiff cock. When the whip was pulled back, Jerome moaned.

"Mmmm... yeah."

Sun repeated the swing, over and over, steadily increasing the momentum. It was obvious watching Jerome's glistening chest and abs that it was having an effect.

"Ahhhh... yeah... fuck yeah. Don't sto..."

It was also obvious that the effect wasn't the one Sun was after. Clicking turned to slapping when the straps hit Jerome's tight ball sack.

"Ahhhh... Mother fucker!"

"What was that?" Sun swung again...

"Ahhhh... Fuck!!!"

"Oh, you want to be fucked?"

"Answer me! Do you want to be fucked?"... slap!

"Ahhhhh! Yes!"

"Yes what, bitch? Yes you want a cock in your ass?" ... slap!

"Say it, slut!"

"I want cock in my ass!"

I stood up as Jerome was untied from the whipping pole, unsure if I could even make it in time if he snapped. Fortunately the big guy kept his cool, allowing Sun to tie his hands behind his back.

"On the ground, now!"

Jerome hesitated... taking a lash to the ass for it, then went to his knees.

"Face down, ass up! Let everyone see what a bitch in heat looks like!"

Rachel walked over to the anxious group, looking at all the remaining faces... then came to me, leaning in close enough I could feel her lips on my neck.

"Someone needs to be fucked, and you look like you need to relieve some stress."

"Jerome doesn't deserve what it would take to relieve my stress... trust me."

Rachel ran a finger down the front of my chest. "I wasn't speaking of Jerome, and I do deserve it... trust me."

The whip snapped, grabbing everyone's attention. "Rachel dear, it's time to free our anxious couple."

Rachel kissed her finger, then touched my lips and walked over to Tom.

"Do you want to cum, my prince?"

Tom's voice shook. "I...y-y-yes... please!"

Rachel laughed, then knelt down next to Sam. "... and you, princess?"

"F-fuck yes, untie me!"

I looked back to see Sun pulling on the fox tail.

"No, fuck... leave it... Ahhhhhhh!!!!"

I definitely heard the pop as the plug was pulled from Jerome's now gaping hole.

Dimitri walked over and helped Tom and Sam out of the sling, then let them loose on Jerome. The two attacked like wild animals. Sam grabbed Jerome by the hair and shoved her pussy in his face. The taste of pussy was likely not new to Jerome, but...

"Ahhhh! Mother fuck!"

... having a big dick up his ass was.

Sam, who had been so concerned about Jerome, was now bucking her hips over his tongue. Sun had undressed and went to his knees next to Sam, and on the first opening, shoved his cock in Jerome's mouth, muffling the shouts of pain when Tom pushed in further. My mind went back to Conor's room, to the time I got rough with him... We had learned so much about ourselves and each other that day... A shout snapped me to the present.

"Goddammotherfuk!"

"Do you want me to stop?"

"N-N-No! Fuck me you f-fucking... umph!"

Sun pushed his cock back into Jerome's mouth. "Suck it, bitch!"

Tired of sharing, Sam stood up and shoved her pussy in Sun's face. I had heard rumors of Sun's magical tongue... and Sam let out a howl that left no doubt.

Tom was finally balls deep in Jerome's virgin hole, sliding smoothly back and forth. I laughed then, realizing Tom had set the whole thing up with the Russian duo... Jerome and Sun being picked... he and Sam selected for the sling... It was a sly move, yes, but also a smart one. None of the other guys in the room would have gone easy on Jerome, and definitely wouldn't have asked if he wanted to stop.

Sun grabbed Sam's ass cheeks and started fucking her hard with his tongue, simultaneously pumping his cock down Jerome's throat. Sam screamed in ecstasy, her entire body trembling as the orgasim rocked her body. When Sam pulled away, Sun slapped Jerome's face and grabbed his head with both hands.

"Come on, bitch, suck my cock like you mean it! Make me... ahhh... make me... ahhh fuck, I'm... gonna... cuuummmm!" Sun pushed in balls deep and held tight. Jerome's eyes watered and his cheeks puffed out until frothy white cum exploded from around Sun's cock. "That's it, choke on it bitch!"

Tom moaned, and was now fucking Jerome full tilt. Sun finally slipped his dick out, then grabbed Jerome's face and pushed the remaining cum into his mouth.

"You like cum, don't you whore?" Jerome nodded.

Sun slapped Jerome's face. "Say it, bitch!"

"I fucking love cum!"

"Of course you do, cum slut. Now lick it up like a good bitch!"

Sun pressed Jerome's face into the cum pool on the floor.

"All of it, whore. Every fucking..."

"Oh, yeah... fuck..." Tom's wet cock slid completely out of Jerome, then he rammed it back in. "I'm... I'm gonna fill your tight... On fuck yeah!"

"You want his cum inside your ass, don't you, cum whore?"

Any answer Jerome had was muffled by the floor and Tom's growl. Tom grabbed Jerome by the front of his hips and rammed deep inside... then held the position... his balls moving up and down as they emptied their load.

Tom fell over onto Jerome until he caught his breath, then slipped his cock out. Sun shoved the foxtail back in... then they both just walked away.

I felt the warm flesh of her breast press against my arm... her fingernail slide up my thigh to my crotch. It was then that I realized everyone else in the group had gone off to different pieces of equipment. I was standing alone with the seductive goddess, who for some reason had chosen me...

I looked down into the deep blue abyss of her eyes, then gently moved Rachel's hand from my dick. I pulled Conor's note from my pocket, handing it to the bewildered woman, then watched as she read the words that were now etched in my mind... "I want to love you, I really do, and I can't deny the connection we have, but you're leaving. I'm done with the heartache, the aftermath of the loneliness when people leave me!"

I watched those beautiful eyes go from confused to understanding. The pain of heartache is universal, and leaves no one untouched... not even a goddess. Rachel lowered the note then looked up, and I knew she understood when she silently mouthed the words "I'm so sorry." I nodded my thanks and took the note from her hand. Goddess turned to sweet girl as Rachel stood on her toes, kissed my cheek and walked away... Anyone would have to be completely mad, or madly in love to turn Rachel down... and I was both.

I looked over at Jerome who had collapsed on the floor... his softened dick laying in a massive puddle of his own cum. I walked over and untied the "poor" guy, then pointed the way to the restroom. Satisfied that he was too tired to retaliate for the treatment he received from Sun, I slipped away behind the bar. Jim's loft was no barrier from the sounds and smell of sex that filled the room, and sleep wasn't waiting for me anyway. I poured myself a drink, sat on a stool, and pulled my phone from my pocket. It was too late for messages from Nancy, but I checked anyway... only to confirm what I already knew.

Time stood still again as I sat with my untouched shot glass in front of me. My mind had wandered off to Cillian's, to a time when Conor joked, laughed, and smiled. God I missed his smile.

"Buy a girl a drink?"

I snapped from my trance to see a fully clothed Rachel on the other side of the bar.

"You name it, I got it."

"Surprise me."

"I have a feeling you're not easily surprised."

"You surprised me. Now I won't be able to sleep until I hear your story. Will you share it?"

"Join the club. Sleep hasn't been my friend lately."

I considered her request as I mixed Rachel's drink... a classic and classy Manhattan somehow seemed to fit the bill. I knew there was more to the girl than whips and orgies, and I found that I wanted to know what was beneath her layers... besides a beautiful body.

Over the next hour, Rachel and I exchanged stories. Sure, I was sharing very personal details with a complete stranger, but then, all friends start out as strangers. I learned that Rachel's grandparents had defected from Russia while on a national tour. That the twins were raised on their parents farm in Oregon. That she and her brother got into the BDSM scene as a way to capitalize on their beauty to fund their education. That her major was architectural engineering, while Demitri majored in business finance. Rachel made it clear that she and Dimitri never shared the same bed or even a kiss, and that they don't "usually" come on to their clients. Rachel often considered her beauty a curse, with most men never looking beyond what they could see... and I was one of the rare few who had ever done so. The conversation shifted to my story when I asked Rachel what had drawn her to me. I was taken back when she replied, "It was the sincerity in your eyes."

I finally swallowed the shot I had been holding, chasing down tears as I explained that Conor had spoken those exact words to me. Rachel insisted on seeing the one who "managed to steal your heart", so I grabbed the album that Conor made. Rachel looked over a few photos, then clicked her nails on the bar.

"He has the face of an angel... but that's not why you love him. Tell me more."

I told Rachel of the day I met Conor, and our journey together. Of Conor's passion for the arts and his work. Of Clarissa, the fire, and Conor's dedication to rebuilding the school. Of my failure to express my love for him, and the moment Conor broke up with me. Of my desire to get him back.

Rachel refilled my shot glass and poured one for herself, then ran a finger over one of the photos. "This is what my heart longs for... " then slid the album back to me. "I sincerely hope you can find it again." I didn't miss the double meaning.

Just then, Dimitri walked up to the bar, carrying his whip. "So this is where I find you, relaxing and drinking while I do all the work? Our clients have missed you."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Oh, Demi, if they've seen one of us they've seen both, and you can hardly call what we do work. I've made a friend... you should try it sometime."

Dimitri acknowledged me with a nod. "Point taken, sister, but we should be going. It's getting late, and you're being rude."

"You're right of course... my apologies, brother."

Rachel walked around the bar and kissed my cheek again, then whispered, "If Conor doesn't realize what he's missing, find me."

Carl brought the house lights up as the two demigods walked out of sight. As much as I would have liked to remain friends with Rachel, I knew it would be the last time we ever saw each other. Rachel needed more than friendship from me, and more than I could give her. Had I never met Conor, our story may have been different, but I could give my heart to no other, because Conor was my heart.

With the event over, I knew people would be headed my way, so I started mixing. No sooner had I finished their drinks, when Tom and Sam walked up.

"So I noticed you made a new friend."

I smiled at Sam. "Rachel, yes, though she was after more than friendship."

"You tellin' me you spent half the night with... her... and didn't take your clothes off?"

"I know, crazy, right?"

Tom put his fist on his chest. "Nah, bro... respect."

Sam took her drink from the bar. "I knew you were dedicated to Conor, but shit, I'm impressed."

Sun and Moon were next for drinks, both looking like they had been backwards through a car wash... twice. Sun turned around when he saw the look on my face. Jerome was headed his way with clenched fists. I jumped the bar when the big guy grabbed Sun by the throat... by the time my feet hit the ground, the two were locked in a sloppy make out session... until Moon finally broke it up.

"Hey, I'm standing right here!"

Jerome held Sun's gaze for a moment. "Ummm... sorry... before you go back home, can I... can we...?"

Sun looked at Moon for approval. Moon answered by grabbing Jerome's shirt and sticking her tongue in his mouth.

Sun chuckled. "Hey, I'm standing right here!... yeah we can do it anytime. We only live twenty minutes up the coast."

Jerome looked at Tom. "That's good cuz I might not be able to walk for a couple days."

Everyone laughed as Tom winked and slapped Jerome's ass, and I couldn't help but laugh along with them.

Although I didn't participate in the events with the motley gang, I was still one of them. Yes, we were different, but the differences didn't diminish our relationship... just as their willingness to have sex with other people didn't diminish their love for their partners. Tom and Sam had given me their respect for turning Rachel down because they knew my relationship with Conor was different than theirs... not more or less correct, just different. I respected my friend's differences, and they respected mine, and only a true friend would do such a thing.

Conor's scent had faded. I rested my head on his pillow, unable to stop the endless thoughts and questions with no answers. All I could do was wait... whether I was waiting for sleep to take me, for the Sun to rise, for Nancy's call, to hold Conor again, or to say goodbye forever... all I could do was wait. Demitri had named anticipation the greatest of all sexual stimulants, but for me, anticipation was a cruel fucking bitch.

To be continued...