The semester was over, the grades were in, and we were preparing to go home for Christmas. I was snuggled in his arms thinking about the journey home and our relationship. We were just going to be "friends" when we got off the bus and returned to our old routines for a day, before heading back to school for practice and our next game. Thanksgiving was easy because we had a game that weekend and too much homework, so we couldn't go home, but now we just had a game and nothing but time. My mind began to wonder and I started thinking about the talk we never had and that's when I was struck by an epiphany about us. Suddenly it was clear to me that we were trying to use a band-aid on a wound that wouldn't stop bleeding. Sure the band-aid covered the bleeding and for a few moments it seemed okay, but then the blood soaked through the band-aid again and it was time for a new one. That's what sex was for us, a band-aid. After that night at Michael's, Lionel and I kissed and made out when we should have been talking. I know it was easier for us and I'm not complaining, because I needed the closeness while I was dealing with the STD situation, and I really wanted the intimacy after I was clean, but now the honeymoon was over and the delusions were dissipating. I realized that our last few weeks together hadn't been peaches and cream and that I had overlooked his mistakes and shook them off as nothing.
I felt him nuzzle my neck with his nose and I knew he was waking up. He pulled me closer and his dick pressed against my ass as if it belonged there. Without thinking, I raised my thigh a little and he pushed his hard dick between my thighs. I closed my thighs and relaxed with the feeling of him between them. I didn't mean to do anything sexual but it seemed that was all we were good for. He started going in and out and moaning. I squeezed my thighs together harder when he tried to pull out because I knew he liked that. After a couple seconds, I started wondering what the hell I was doing. I felt like `here we go again' and I didn't want to go there right then. I jumped out of the bed, grabbed my boxers off the floor and put them on.
"What the hell are you doing?" he asked.
"Putting my clothes on. What does it look like I'm doing?" I knew I didn't say it nicely.
"What the fuck is your problem?" he asked sitting up in the bed.
"That's all we do!" I yelled at him.
"What? And lower your voice, someone might hear you."
"No, I'm not going to lower my voice! There are only three damn people left on the whole damn floor and I don't think Henry cares and frankly, I could give a flying fuck who hears me! All we do is have sex! We don't talk about anything." I could feel the frustration building in my body.
"We talk all the time!"
"Yeah, like what do you want for dinner, but we never talk about anything real! What about your lying, or the way you treat me, or the way you talk to me like trash sometimes? What about the way you scare me sometimes? What about the fact that you don't trust me? If you see me talking to a guy you don't know, you assume I'm sleeping with him or something, but we don't talk about it when we get back, we just kiss and make out like nothing's wrong, but something is very wrong! The past few weeks have been great physically, but we're just pretending to be happy and I'm tired of it! We need to talk dammit!"
"Wah, wah, wah! You sound like a fucking baby! A whiny baby at that! Why don't you stop bitching and get back in the bed!" I could see the anger rising in his eyes.
"No! I'm not getting back in bed until we talk!" I crossed my arms over my chest.
He threw the covers back and jumped out the bed. He lowered his face to mine, nose to nose, so to speak. "What the fuck do you want from me? I love you! You know that! Now get back in bed and we'll talk about this later." His look softened a little, "I promise."
"No." The anger returned to his face and in an instant, he had grabbed my arm and flung me on the bed with such force that the back of my head hit the wall and it hurt like hell. It took me a second to overcome the shock. Once I regained my composure, I looked at him. "What are you going to do? Take it?" He didn't say anything. I started pulling off my boxers as the tears ran down my face. "Fine then, do it! That's all I'm good for to you anyway, so just do it!"
He didn't look angry anymore. There was a look of remorse on his face. "I'm sorry, baby, I didn't mean it." He came towards me and lifted his hand, I flinched. "Relax, I'm not going to hurt you." He rubbed my cheek and I wondered why everything seemed so familiar.
Finally, I pushed his hand away. "What's wrong with you?" I asked him. My tears stopped falling.
His look changed from remorse to pure sadness. He started backing away from me and he sat down on his bed. "I'm sorry," he said as he put his head in his hands and sobbed.
I didn't understand him sometimes. I swear it's like he just snaps. I watched him cry for a few minutes and then my heart started to ache for him because I could feel his sadness. I got up, pulled my boxers up properly and walked over to him. I put my arms around him and he cried into my chest. I rubbed my fingers lightly through his hair and said, "Ssh, ssh. It's okay."
"It's not okay" he said into my chest. The vibrations from his voice tickled across the few chest hairs I had. I knew there was something going on with him, and I was sick of not knowing. How could I help him if I didn't know what was wrong? I released my embrace as I sat down on the bed next to him. I pulled his head back to my chest and he cried a little more. His crying slowly started to ease and soon all I heard was a few sniffles. "I don't want to be like them" he whispered.
"Like who?" I asked as softly as possible.
He was silent for a long time before he said, "Nothing."
"You don't have to be afraid to tell me anything. I won't judge you." I wasn't sure what to say to him, but that seemed like the best thing.
"I can't tell you" he whispered.
"Fine, you don't have to tell me right now." I pulled back from him and held his face up so I could look in his eyes. "But I hope you feel comfortable enough to tell me one day, because I love you, so your demons are my demons. Okay?"
He shook his head `yes' but he remained silent. I gave him a peck on his lips and I stood up. He immediately grabbed me, "Don't go" he begged.
"I'm not going anywhere, I was standing up so you could stretch out on the bed and I could lie down next to you."
"Oh, okay." He stretched out on his bed and grabbed my hand. "Lie down on top of me please, so I can hold you." He sounded almost childlike when he said it.
I looked at his still exposed albeit soft penis and said, "I don't think that's such a good idea."
"It's okay, I won't try anything. I just want to hold you."
"You can hold me while I'm next to you." I pointed out.
"But it's not the same."
Usually I would have continued to argue with him, but the look on his face told me that he didn't need that right now, he needed me. "Okay." I got on top of him and rested my head on his chest. He put his arms around me and squeezed me tight. Nothing I wanted to talk about was important enough to try to discuss right then. I relaxed in his arms and let his heart lull me in to a trance like state. My mind stopped racing and I was able to focus my thoughts on the situation at hand. What started as a confrontation had ended as something even more confusing. I always suspected there was something else he wasn't telling me and now I knew it for sure. I even knew that it was someone, and not something, that he was keeping secret. Someone was hiding in his memories, waiting to haunt him. I was fairly certain that I knew what at least part of the secret was, but I couldn't help but wonder if there was more.
"Are you asleep?" I heard a faint voice ask.
"Almost." I paused for a second. "I should probably roll off of you now because I know you don't want to wake up with my dead weight on top of you."
His grip around me tightened again. "I couldn't imagine waking up in a better predicament." He kissed the top of my head. "Besides, you know I can push your bony ass off me." He laughed a little and I swear I heard his laughter transform in to a smile on his face. I wanted to look at him, but I was too sleepy to move my head.
I'm not sure when I fell asleep, but I know I wasn't up much longer. My next memory was waking up still pressed against his body, with his hardon poking me, and wetness around my lips. I leaned my head up and brought my hand over to wipe away my drool. I looked at his chest and saw a small spot of wetness there. I don't know why I did it, but I couldn't help myself, I stuck my tongue out and licked the spot. I heard a moan escape from Lionel and that's when I realized that his hands were inside my boxers and parked on my ass.
"You better stop that unless you want trouble." he joked.
I looked up at him and was greeted by his beautiful, smiling face. "Feel better?" I asked.
"Yes, thank you." he said as his smile continued to brighten the room.
Seeing that he was in a good mood put me in a good mood and I smiled back at him until the urge to pee hit me. "I have to pee, so would you kindly unhand my ass?" I smiled at him and he laughed.
"Sorry, my bad." He started pulling his hands out, but he couldn't just pull them out, he had to squeeze my ass a few times and slowly glide his hands up to my lower back. Damn him for turning me on so much!
I got off of him and said, "I think I'm going to take a shower while I'm in there."
"Sounds tempting."
"It shouldn't, I'm showering alone." I told him as I grabbed my robe and my shower stuff.
"You're such a tease!" he joked as I opened the door. I stopped and sat my robe and my shower stuff on my newly relocated computer desk. I bent forward and lowered the back of my boxers. I moved my ass from side to side for a few seconds and I was about to pull up my boxers when I heard Lionel's bed creak. Sometimes I forgot how fast he was. He had his hard dick pressed up against my ass in no time. I let out an involuntary gasp as I felt him behind me. I immediately stood up straight.
"Not now." I told him.
"I know. I just wanted to feel you so I could have something to think about." He slapped my left ass cheek and jokingly said, "Now get that ass in the shower before I want to do more than feel."
I pulled up my boxers, grabbed my things and was just about to close the door behind me when I felt the urge to look at him. I turned around and saw him standing there, naked, watching me. "I'll be back in a few minutes, okay?" I couldn't explain the urge to say that to him, but something in his eyes changed a little and his eyes seemed to smile back at me.
"I know you will." was all he said before I tore myself away from his smiling eyes and closed the door.
My shower was interesting to say the least. All the thoughts that had been racing around in my head returned and quickly resumed competition. I was thinking about so many different things, but all of them involved the same two constants, me and Lionel. I thought about the talk we still hadn't had yet and I wondered if we'd ever have it. Somehow I feared that we wouldn't. Talking was obviously not a strong suit for either of us and I couldn't think of a good reason to bring the conversation back up anytime soon. Lionel obviously had some issues he needed to work through and I wanted to be there for him, no questions asked and no drama given. My insecurities could wait until after I knew his situation.
I washed my hair in the shower and wondered if my mother would like my new haircut. I wondered if I should finally tell her that Lionel and I were together, or if I should continue to hide it from her in fear of her telling someone else. I knew Lionel would never tell his mother but he didn't talk much about his family, so I couldn't figure out if it was because his mother hated homosexuals, or if it was because he didn't have much to say about her.
I finished my shower and returned to find Lionel on his bed, stroking his dick. His eyes were closed and he was moaning my name repeatedly. "Lucas, yeah Lucas, suck that shit. Oh, oh, ohhh, I'm about to cum!"
I was tempted to say something and ruin his moment while also scaring the hell out of him, but I thought better of it and instead lightly closed the door behind me and tiptoed over to him. I started rubbing my fingers up and down his chest and his eyes shot open as he looked to see who was touching him. He saw my face and smiled before continuing to stroke. I reached down and grabbed the hand that was wrapped around his dick. "Let me help you." I said as seductively as possible.
"You don't have to," he said between heavy breathing.
"I want to," I told him before I lowered my head and opened my mouth to suck his dick. I still couldn't take all of it, but I was getting better. He came a few seconds later and I swallowed. As I was swallowing his cum, I had one thought: I guess its back to sex again.
"Thanks" he said as I lifted my head.
"You needed it" I told him without batting an eye. He got up, put a pair of boxers on, grabbed his shower stuff and dashed out the door and down the hallway. I was stupefied by his quick exit. I waited a few minutes before I decided to check on him. I walked in the bathroom and I heard him crying in the shower. I wanted to go in and kiss wherever it hurt so I could take away his pain, but I knew there was nothing I could do unless he reached out to me. I stood there for a few minutes before the sound of his sniffles became too much for me. A brief moment of hesitation hit me as I turned to leave, but I swept it under the rug and walked back to our room.
c Lustyville 2006 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my yahoo group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville.