My mother called the police and told them I was up. Michael and Henry left when the policeman arrived to take my statement. I explained that it was an accident and I didn't want to press charges. My mother had a hissy fit, "Officer can we press charges for him?"
"I'm sorry ma'am, but your son is old enough to make his own decisions. If he says it was an accident, I have to believe him."
"No you don't! I watch the news. I've seen cases where some poor woman was being beat by her husband and she didn't want to press charges but the city pressed charges anyway. I'm not stupid! I know there's something you can do to keep that boy away from my son."
"Ma'am, please calm down. Some areas do have laws about this sort of thing, unfortunately this is not one of those areas. If your son won't cooperate, there's nothing we can do."
"Stop talking about me like I'm not here. I am cooperating. It really was an accident," I told them. My mother, father and the policeman all gave me a look that told me they didn't believe me, but I also knew in my heart that Lionel wasn't trying to push me down the stairs. "I lost my balance and I fell. Okay? That's what happened so stop trying to make this in to a big deal."
"But it is a big deal," my mother said as she sat down on the bed next to me. I hated Henry and Michael for spilling their guts to her. They told her everything they had heard or seen and went to great lengths to describe various bruises I had.
My father seemed content to ignore me but for some reason, he felt compelled to speak. "What's wrong with you Luke? Being gay isn't good enough for you, you gotta go and be a fucking pansy as well? Grow some balls and be a man goddammit! That boy hurt you and everyone in this room knows it, so just say it, so we can help you!"
"It was an accident."
My father looked at my mother and pointed to me. "See! You see this shit! I can't put up with it! You asked me to be nice to him and not hurt his precious little feelings because he's in a lot of pain and his heart is broken, but look at this piece of shit! Lionel put him in a goddamn hospital bed and he wants to sit here and defend that fucking boy. I bit my tongue when he woke up and asked all those questions about his little boyfriend, but I will not sit by quietly and watch this go down." My father looked at me. "Do you enjoy having the crap beat out of you? Is that it?" I couldn't respond. "We didn't raise you to be this way and I'm not going to stand here and watch you make an ass of yourself. Lionel doesn't love you! He probably never has. He's a sick bastard and you're an even sicker bastard for putting up with him. If you want him, fine, have him!" Then he looked in my eyes. "You're even less of a man than I thought you were." He stormed out of the room. I lowered my head in shame. The policeman gave me his card and excused himself and my mother stayed in the room and held my hand as I battled with my thoughts.
I spent three days in the hospital paralyzed from the waist down and one day I finally felt something. At first it was a passing surge of numbness or a slight tingle every now and then, so I didn't tell anyone because I was afraid that I was imagining the sensations. Then, about five days after I woke up, I felt my legs again. To say I was relieved would be an understatement. I couldn't imagine my life without basketball, which for some strange reason was my biggest complaint about possible paralysis, as if basketball was the only use I had for my legs.
My father didn't come back to see me but that didn't bother me. In fact, I preferred his absence because I didn't want to look in his eyes and see his disappointment. At least my mother seemed more sad for me than anything else and while her constant looks of pity made me want to scream, her presence made me feel better. Michael and Henry were in and out of my room, visiting whenever they could and giving me their own variations of my mother's look of pity. I stopped asking them about Lionel after the first day because they didn't seem very forthcoming with information and they made it clear that they didn't want to talk about him.
Troy and James from the basketball team came to see me. They gave me a ball autographed by the team and I found myself searching the ball for Lionel's name, but it wasn't there. I just wanted to touch something of his. Troy apologized for teasing me about my bruises. "I'm sorry man, I had no idea what was going on."
"It's okay," I told him.
"No, it's not, but I tell you what, when you get out of this place, I'll come to your dorm and wait on you. I can be your personal servant for a week."
"That's okay. I'm sure I can manage."
"No, I insist. I won't feel right until I make it up to you."
"Dude chill, he's obviously not interested in your help," James told him.
"I wasn't talking to you," Troy said then he turned his attention back to me. "So when are you getting out anyway?"
"I don't know. I just got feeling in my legs and the doctor is talking about rehab, but he said I'm young and healthy so I should be back on my feet in no time because nothing is broken. I'm hoping to play in our last home game."
"Is that realistic?"
"Probably not but I'll be happy to suit up and walk out on the court with you guys. Hopefully I'll be able to do that." I knew the NBA was definitely not in my future so any hope I had of basketball glory had to be achieved in college or discarded forever.
"That's cool. Don't push yourself too hard though. I don't want you to get hurt trying to get back to us. We're going to need you next season."
"I won't rush, but I can't wait to get back. Basketball is my life."
"I thought Lionel was your life," quipped James.
"James!" Troy shouted.
"Sorry," James said.
"No, don't be sorry. You're right. Lionel meant a lot to me. He still does."
"What? The two of you are still together?" asked Troy.
"Not exactly. I know I can't be with him right now, but I still have hope. He's getting help and I don't know, maybe one day, who knows."
"He pushed you down a flight of stairs," Troy said before his eyes took on that look of pity that I detested.
"Please don't look at me like that."
"Sorry, I'm not trying to. I don't pity you, if that's what you think. It's just that you seem like a great guy and I don't understand how you could be with someone who would treat you so badly. You"
"deserve better. I know." I told him, finishing his sentence. "Don't you think I've heard it before?"
"Yeah man, I'm sure you have. It's none of my business anyway. Forget I said anything."
"We should leave," James said.
"Okay."
I was surprised when Troy walked over to me and gave me a hug. "I'm going to come back and check on you, so take care of yourself until I see you again, okay man?"
"Okay. Thanks for coming," I told them as they walked towards the door.
"No prob, dude," said James.
Michael and Henry were walking in as Troy and James walked out. "Damn Henry, he's replaced us already," Michael joked. James kept walking, but Troy stopped for a second and nodded at them before he walked out the door. They each gave me a hug and then pulled up a chair next to my bed.
"How are you feeling?" asked Henry.
"Much better. Today is the best I've felt all week."
"Yeah, you look better," said Michael. "I guess that's what happens when you get a visit from two cuties from the basketball team."
"Troy and James?"
"Yes!"
"What? I'm not looking at them like that. I'm surprised they're still talking to me now that everyone knows I'm gay."
"I'm not. You're a good basketball player and they need you. We're all mature adults now, right?"
"Speak for yourself," said Henry and we laughed.
After the laughter subsided, Michael started talking, "I wouldn't be surprised if that Troy had a crush on a certain someone in this room."
"Who?" I asked.
"Who do you think?"
"Me? No way! He just feels bad about teasing me about my bruises."
"Right, that's why he blushed when he was leaving."
"You made him uncomfortable. Lots of people blush when they're uncomfortable. That doesn't prove anything."
"How long did they stay?"
"Not you too Henry! They didn't stay that long. They came in and gave me this ball, then Troy apologized about some comments he made and they left."
"What did he say when he apologized?" asked Michael. I could hear the excitement in his voice.
"He offered to be my personal servant for a week to make it up to me."
"Oooh," they said in unison.
"Stop it, you guys! You know I'm still holding out for Lionel."
Their smiles faded and I could feel the happiness empty the room and leave only their judgments behind. "Lucas, you can't mean that."
I regretted opening my big mouth. "Look guys I know how you feel about him and you know how I feel about him. I didn't mean to bring it up so let's just pretend I didn't."
"We're going to have to talk about it eventually," Henry said.
"Well will one of you at least tell me what happened to him? Where is he? Why hasn't he called me or come to visit?"
"He was out on bail, but thanks to you refusing to file charges, the case was dropped and he's a free man. He's back on the basketball team acting as if nothing happened. I heard the coach is making him do anger management in addition to the therapy, but I don't know. As to why he hasn't called you or come to visit, I'm sure he knows better than to show his face around here again. He came to see you right after he posted bail and your mother lit in to him pretty good. She made it clear that he wasn't welcome here and he better leave you alone. Then she had the police escort him away. It was a little scary at the time, but looking back, it was pretty funny. You should have seen the two little guys who drug him out of here."
"How did he look when you saw him? Did he look okay?"
"He looked fine and that's all I care to say about him, so let's drop the subject."
"Henry, come on."
"I told you what you've been dying to know since you opened your eyes, what more do you want from me?"
"I don't know. I want to talk about him. I miss him. I can't be with him and I don't want to be with him right now, but that's not going to erase him from my mind. I want to know what he's doing and how he's feeling. Is his therapy helping? Things like that."
"Do you want to see him?"
I felt shame as I answered, "Yes," but truthfully I did want to see him. Although, I only wanted to see him from a distance because I didn't want him to see me; I wasn't ready to look him in his eyes yet.
"You've got to be kidding me!" yelled Michael.
"Mike, calm down, I got this," Henry told him. "I tell you what Lucas. You want to know how Lionel's doing and I want to make sure you're okay. So how about I check on Lionel for you and tell you how he's doing, if you promise to leave him alone for the time it takes you to rehab in here because talking to him may delay your progress. You don't need to deal with the stress he brings, but at the same time, I know you'll drive yourself crazy if you don't know what's going on with him. So what do you think?"
I had to admit that his plan sounded good. I wanted to put off direct communication with Lionel until I had more time to think and Henry was offering me the perfect arrangement. I tried not to smile when I said, "Sounds fair to me."
"I mean it though. No contact with him at all. Can you promise me that?"
"I guess so."
"Don't guess, know."
"Okay. I won't talk to him until I'm better."
"Not even if he calls?"
"Not even if he calls. I'll tell him I have to focus on me right now and he should focus on himself."
"Good, that sounds really good."
"No it doesn't! Henry what's wrong with you? He needs to cut off everything with Lionel. He shouldn't care if he's alive or dead after what that jackass did to him."
"Michael shut up. Would you rather Lucas talk directly with him? Is that what you want, because that's what's going to happen if one of us doesn't suck it up and do it! I agree he shouldn't have anything to do with Lionel, but he doesn't realize that yet and this is the best alternative I can come up with."
I was surprised that Henry would reveal his plan with me sitting right there. "So that's the master plan, huh?"
"What?" asked Henry.
"You want to serve as our mediator so you can monitor our discussions and hopefully drive us apart."
"I'm not going to drive you apart. I'm sure Lionel can do that all by his self and your time away from him can only give you a little clarity about your situation."
"You got it all figured out, don't you?"
"I like to think I do," he said with the smile returning to his face.
"Okay, you got me. I'm not talking to Lionel any time soon. I promise." The rest of our conversation was Lionel-free and after a while, the tension left over from talking about him was gone.
My mother stopped by for a few minutes before visiting hours were over. She made another excuse for my father's absence and I played along even though we both knew why he wasn't there.
After she left, I was alone with my thoughts. My first thoughts were about Lionel, but then I thought about my day. I found myself thinking about Troy. He was 6'3" and similar in build to Lionel. His eyes were a light hazel color that contrasted with his honey brown skin tone. His wavy black hair was usually cut so short that you couldn't see the waves, but he had been growing it out lately and getting it braided and now it was a little past his ears. It wasn't braided when he came to visit me and I remembered him tucking some of his hair behind his ear while he talked to me. I had to admit that it was kind of cute. I closed my eyes as I thought about Troy but I went to sleep with Lionel as my final conscious thought.
I woke up the next morning with flowers sitting next to me and a note. I opened the note and it read, "Hey Lucas, I heard you woke up. I miss you and I'm sorry. Call me. Lionel"
I had just enough time to smell the flowers before Henry walked in. "Ooh, who sent you flowers?" he asked. Before I could respond, he picked up the note and read it. Then he took the note and the flowers and put them in the trash.
"Why'd you do that?" I asked.
"No contact, remember?"
Copyright Lustyville 2006 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my yahoo group at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville.