Troy and Mike bickered like two children and it drove me crazy. After three days trapped in an apartment with them, I told them I was going for a walk.
"Wait a second, I'll come with you," Troy said.
"No thank you, I want to be alone."
"Is that a good idea?" Michael asked.
"I'm going for a short walk and then I'll be back. You guys can argue over who gets to come find me if I'm not back in an hour." I opened the door and walked out, not waiting for a response.
I felt strange as I stepped out the front door of the building by myself. I took a deep breath to inhale the smell of fresh, unrestricted air. I was about to turn to the right and walk towards campus, but something caught my eye. Standing against the building across the street was a surprisingly clean cut looking Lionel. I froze when our eyes made contact. Everything inside me told me to run back in the building because I was not ready. I pleaded with my body to stop staring and move, but I felt cemented to the sidewalk. Lionel was halfway across the street when I realized his eyes were getting closer to me. He walked in front of me and my chance for escape vanished. He moved to put his arms around me and I backed away from him.
"I'm sorry," he said, "I'm just happy to see you."
"Why are you here?"
"I had to see for myself that you were alright."
"How did you know I was here?"
"I heard Troy saying he was moving in with Michael for a week so he could take care of you."
"Oh."
"Is he your boyfriend now?"
"Who?"
"Troy. He talks about you all the time and I can tell he wants to replace me."
"My personal life is no longer any of your business."
I expected him to get upset with me, instead, he said, "You're right. I'm sorry."
I gathered my composure and pushed away the images of a fragile Lionel who needed me and I tried to get away from him before the old feelings reclaimed their throne in my heart. "I guess I'll see you around." I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm.
"Let me take you out to lunch."
"I'm not hungry."
"Well we can go get some coffee and talk. I'm not asking you to come back to me. All I'm asking for is a chance to talk to you." He quickly added, "Please."
"You know I don't drink coffee."
"Fine. Hot chocolate then."
"I don't think I can handle that."
"Why not?"
"It's too much."
"Okay, may I at least walk with you for a few minutes?"
"No. Just go away. I don't want to talk to you right now!" His grip on my arm tightened a little. "You haven't changed at all!" I told him.
He let go. "I just want to talk to you. I've been waiting out here all damn day just to get a good look at you." He surprised me when he lowered his eyes to the ground between us and said, "I'm sorry. I understand if you're not ready and I accept your decision. My number hasn't changed so call me when you're ready."
He turned to walk away and I rashly yelled, "Wait!" When he turned back around, his face had hope scribbled all over it. "Do you want to go to dinner?" I asked before I was able to think clearly.
"I'd love to."
"Okay. Be back here at 7 and we'll go out and talk." His smile warmed me on the inside and I cursed myself for my weakness. "We're just going to talk, that's all, stop smiling. I need closure so I can move on with my life, without you." His smile slithered away and I felt a twinge of pride at being able to make it disappear.
"I'll see you at 7."
"Okay." I ran back in the building, flustered and confused. My heart was thumping in my chest and I was having a hard time breathing. I didn't understand why I would agree to see him so soon. He did look good though and that thought only made me curse myself and him. Damn him for being so fine. It wasn't fair. A torrent of emotions and memories shattered my body. I was trying to move forward but at the same time I was being sucked back in to the old feelings I had for Lionel. As much as I hated him, I still hoped we could at least salvage a friendship from the wreck of our relationship.
I walked in Michael's apartment and he and Troy seemed surprised that I was back so soon. "That was quick," Michael said.
"I ran in to Lionel."
"What? Tell me you didn't talk to him."
"I had no choice, my feet wouldn't move. I told him we can go to dinner tonight and talk."
"What do you have left to say to him? Thanks for almost killing me!"
"Michael don't be so dramatic. I don't want to be with him anymore, but that doesn't mean I can't talk to him. In fact I think I need to talk to him. I need to make him understand that I'm never going to let him hurt me again."
"You can do that by staying away from him."
Troy decided to join the conversation. "Michael, why don't you shut up! Lucas can do whatever he wants to do and if he wants to go see that asshole then let him. It might be good for him."
"How can you support him when you know how much Lionel hurt him? Both of you are ridiculous! I'm going to go talk to some people who actually use their brains!" He grabbed his keys in dramatic fashion, brushed by me and stormed out, yelling, "Don't wait up!"
Troy shook his head. I felt guilty. "I didn't mean to upset him."
"He hates Lionel. Just hearing that name upsets him." Troy smiled and I walked over and sat next to him.
"Thanks for understanding."
"I'm not sure if I do understand, but it's your choice."
"Will you come with me?"
"Tonight?"
"Yes. I need someone to be there with me. I don't trust myself alone with him."
"Do you trust yourself alone with me?" Troy asked with a devilish grin.
Some signals crossed in my head and I felt the need to prove to myself that I was over Lionel. "No." I leaned forward and kissed him. I had a flash that he was Lionel and I pulled back. "I shouldn't have done that."
"Yes you should." He kissed me and put his hand on my thigh. I tried to relax under his touch as his hand inched up my thigh and sent sexual sensations running through my body. He moved from my mouth to my chin and then to my neck. His soft lips felt good as they grazed my flesh. His fingers undid the buttons on my shirt and I moaned when his warm hand rubbed against my bare skin.
I sighed when his tender kisses stopped. He grabbed my hand and led me to Michael's bedroom. A thrill went through my body when I thought we were going to do something on Michael's bed, but Troy sat down on his sleeping bag and motioned for me to sit next to him. I had a second to think about what was going on and I said, "Maybe this isn't a good idea." I knew I was doing it for all the wrong reasons.
Troy stood up and walked towards me. He dropped to his knees in front of me and looked up so he could look in to my eyes. He licked his lips seductively and then reached for my belt buckle. I knew if I wanted to stop him I should say something. He must have been afraid that I would try to stop him soon because he had my pants around my ankles in a matter of seconds. He smiled when he saw I wasn't wearing underwear. I hadn't felt like putting any on.
His hand grabbed my dick and stroked it a few times before he put the head in his mouth and alternated between swirling his tongue and sucking. The variation was driving me crazy. He let my dick fall out of his mouth, but his hand kept it pointing at his lips. He kissed the tip. He kissed his way down the shaft, moving his hand out of the way. He kissed his way back up, letting his tongue slip out and leave a trail of saliva. His hand returned to stroking me and soon his mouth had swallowed the head again. He began slowly taking more of my dick until it had completely disappeared in his mouth. He didn't do that for long.
"I don't want you to cum yet," he explained. He licked each of my balls and then sucked on them for a few minutes. He put one of his fingers in his mouth and then he took it out and held it up for me. I leaned down and enveloped the finger with my lips trying to taste what he tasted. I stared in to his eyes and felt intoxicated by the pure lust I saw staring back at me. He pulled his finger out of my mouth and placed it against my hole, applying a little pressure. His finger pushed inside me with only our saliva as lubrication and it was slightly painful considering nothing had been up there in months, but the pain subsided as he slowly pushed further inside me. His finger explored until he felt my prostate, then he took my dick in his mouth again and worked up a nice rhythm while his finger stimulated my prostate in unison with his bobbing on my dick. My knees felt weak from the pleasure my body was feeling. Troy stopped his rhythm as he guided me to his sleeping bag but he didn't take my dick out of his mouth or his finger out of my ass.
Troy looked up in to my eyes and the image of my dick lost in his mouth made my dick twitch. Troy felt it and pulled off. "Not yet," he said.
He took his finger out of me and pulled me down on the bag. He had me lay on my back and he was about to push my legs open when I told him, "Take off your clothes."
He looked disappointed that I was interrupting the moment, but I wanted to see him naked before we went any further. Instead of ripping off his clothes, Troy stood up and slowly took his shirt off. I tried to take a picture of all the parts of him I hadn't noticed before. The best word to describe his nipples was juicy. They were juicy and plump and tantalizing. He squeezed his nipples with his fingers and then he let his hands glide down his chest and over his abs. His hands went lower and lower until they were inside his pants playing with the object of my desire. He was teasing me, but I was impatient, I wanted him to fuck me and get it over with. I got off the bag and practically ripped the rest of his clothes off. He smiled at my eagerness.
"Lay down," he ordered. I did and he got on the bag and lifted my legs. I thought he was going to put his finger back inside me, but he lowered his head to my hole and started licking it. I moaned as waves of pleasure began to overtake me again. He put his finger back in my ass and he quickly followed that by adding another finger, then another. I arched my back and moaned my appreciation with my eyes closed. He went back down on my dick and I was beginning to think that he was obsessed with sucking my dick but I got distracted by the stars I was starting to see. His attack went on for only a few seconds and then he licked and kissed his way up my body to my left nipple. He licked it with his tongue and my moaning got louder. "I want you," he whispered. When his movement stopped I opened my eyes and looked down. He was staring at me. "Can I have you?" he asked. His eyes, like my body, pleaded with me to say, yes.
"Yes." I almost screamed. He got up and unzipped the side pocket on one of his bags.
He ripped the condom open and put it on then got on top of me. He grunted as my ring gave way and let him in. He was slow and deliberate with every move he made but he sped up as he approached his climax. I was the first to cum, shooting between us, and he came a few seconds later with a loud growl. He was good and definitely better than Lionel. He kissed me on my lips and I kissed him back until my mind caught up to what had just happened, then I turned my face to the side. He moved and sat down next to me.
I felt ashamed of what I had done. I knew I wasn't ready for a relationship with Troy. What happened between us was purely physical because I needed some form of release after seeing Lionel. I used Troy. It was not my intention to do that, but I did. "I'm sorry," I told him.
"Don't be, I know your heart wasn't in it." He kissed my cheek. "Maybe next time, I'll be the one you want." I could tell he was hurt, but he managed to smile at me. "I'm going to go take a shower."
"Alright." While he was in the shower I thought about my stupid impulsive behavior and I cried silent tears. I knew Troy really cared about me and I had taken advantage of that.
Troy came back and I left to take my own shower. When I returned to the room, Troy and his sleeping bag were gone. I thought I had chased him away. I put on some clothes and walked out to the living room. My heart nearly stopped when I saw Troy sitting on the sofa.
"I thought you were gone."
"I went to put my sleeping bag in the washer."
"Oh."
"You want to talk about it?" he asked.
"No."
"Okay. You want to watch tv with me?"
"Sure." I put a pillow on the floor and sat on it because I didn't want to sit near him.
"You still want me to go with you tonight?"
"If you want to."
"Do you want me to?"
"Yes." We made small talk after that but the conversation was strained. At 6:30 we got up and put on some decent clothes. We waited until 7:10 to go meet Lionel.
He was standing next to the building's entrance. His face lit up when he saw me, but immediately fell when he saw Troy walk out behind me. "What the hell is he doing here?"
"I asked Troy to come with me."
"Why? You don't need a bodyguard. I'm not going to hurt you."
"I can't be alone with you."
"I can't say what I need to say in front of him. He wouldn't understand."
"So you don't want to go to dinner?"
"I don't want to sit across from that punk."
"Fine. I'll see you around campus."
"No, no. He can come."
"So where are we going to eat?"
"Wherever you want, my treat." He looked over my shoulder, "You have to pay for yourself though." Troy didn't say anything.
"How about the steakhouse down the street?"
"Okay."
We walked down three blocks to the steakhouse and sat at a booth in the middle of the restaurant. I was sitting next to Troy and Lionel was sitting across from us with his eyes glued to my every move. We made it halfway through dinner without speaking.
"You know I loved you, don't you?" Lionel asked. "I still love you."
"I know Lionel, I know." I kept eating almost ignoring him.
"Do you think we can ever be friends again? I mean I know I fucked up but I miss you everyday. I was wrong for everything I did to you and I'm sorry. I know that won't make it better, but I am. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. I was such an asshole."
Troy threw his fork down on his plate. "It's starting to stink to high hell over here."
"If you have something to say to me, say it!" Lionel yelled at him.
"That's okay Lionel. I think you're doing a good job on your own. Just one correction though," Troy leaned forward and said, "You're still an asshole." He sat back in the booth and was quiet for the rest of dinner.
Lionel kept telling me that he had changed and I believed him. The old Lionel would have kicked my ass and Troy's, but the new Lionel clenched his teeth and smiled. The new Lionel didn't bark at me for ignoring him or not responding fast enough. The new Lionel gave me all the time I needed to gather my thoughts. Dinner was almost over when I told him, "The answer is yes."
"Yes to what?"
"I think we can be friends again, but I know it's going to take a lot of work."
"I'm willing to work as hard as I need to." He was digging in his wallet for the money when he asked, "Does this mean you forgive me?"
"I forgave you already, but I can't forget what you did to me. That is why things will never be the same between us."
"Fair enough." After the bill was paid, Lionel walked with us to Michael's building. When we reached the door, he asked, "So when are we going to hang out again? Minus the shadow of course."
"I don't think I'll be ready to hang out with you any time soon." I realized at dinner that things were going too fast and I never should have agreed to go to dinner in the first place. One second I saw my old friend, then I'd look across the table again and I'd see a monster. I needed more time.
"Okay, you're in control, so whatever you want, just let me know." He pulled me in to a hug before I realized what was happening. I stiffened under his touch and I felt everything in me turn cold. He released me and commented, "You never used to freeze like that. Is it because of me?"
"Don't ever touch me," I barked.
"Sorry."
"Stop apologizing for everything!"
"Sorry," he replied before he realized his mistake. "I didn't mean that I um"
"Go away Lionel."
"For good?"
"No, just for now." I should have left it at that, but I added, "I'm tired of being near you." I knew I was trying to upset him.
He surprised me when he remained calm. "Okay. Goodnight Lucas." He shot a glare at Troy and then Lionel walked down the street.
Troy and I were sitting on the sofa when Troy said, "You still love him don't you?"
"What?"
"I could see it when you looked at him, and don't get me started on the way you treated him."
"I don't love him anymore."
"You don't want to love him anymore, but you still do. Do you think you'll ever get back together with him?"
"No, I can't get over what he did to me." That was the only thing I knew for sure.
"So when are you going to let him go?"
"I don't know. Maybe after two more chaperoned dates." I smiled at Troy and he laughed a little. "I really am trying to let him go, but it's hard. I spent a long time wanting him."
"You don't have to explain yourself to me. I just wanted to know if I had a real chance."
"Well what do you think?"
"I'll let you know when I figure it out."
"Okay, you do that then."
I was relieved that the awkwardness that had hung over us after our midday encounter dissipated in to our usual friendly banter. By the time Michael made it back, Troy and I were okay with each other again. We heard Michael drop his keys in the hallway and laugh like a hyena before he opened the door and saw the two of us sitting on the sofa.
"How was dinner with the devil?" he asked.
Copyright Lustyville 2007 Please send comments to lustyville@yahoo.com and check out my other stories at: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lustyville