I take a deep breath before I open the door. I expect to see Lionel knocked out on his bed. He sounded pretty bad when I talked to him. I mean he asked me to come get him like he was out in the street somewhere and then he tells me he's in our room. I open the door and am shocked to find Lionel sitting on my bed staring at me.
"You came?" I see the look of surprise in his eyes. I also see the red. His eyes are bloodshot and scary looking.
"Of course I came. You needed me." I smile at him and then I close the dorm door and lock it. I promise myself that neither of us will leave the room until we talk. I know I drove him to drink. He couldn't deal with having a gay roommate. This is all my fault. He rips his gaze away from me and stares at the floor.
"Man this is fucked up!" He looks back up at me and I'm not sure what I see in his eyes. The only thing I know is that he needs me. I should be comforting him and making it easier for him to say whatever he needs to say to me. I walk over to him and sit down on the bed next to him. I put my arm around him and pull him close. His eyes are focused on the door. I wonder what I should say, but I'm scared to say anything to him. We sit in silence for a few minutes. I have a million thoughts racing through my head. What should I say to him? Should I even bother trying to have a conversation with him while he's drunk? Did I do this to him? What's wrong with me? What's wrong with us? Why did he do this? Why did he call me? I finally decide to just say something.
"I'm sorry." He turns to look at me.
"What?"
"I'm sorry for putting you through this. I wish you could have found out another way, but nothing will change who I am. You said you were okay with it, but we don't even talk about it. You act like it never happened." I'm not sure if I'm being too aggressive with him, but he needs to hear this.
"Don't you get it!" he screams. He pulls away from me and jumps up. "It's not you. It's me. It's fucking me! Something's wrong with me! I walked in and saw you with that fucking guy and it felt like you ripped my heart out. My chest hurt so badly and I couldn't breathe. I didn't know what was wrong with me!" He turns around and looks at me. I know I must be a sight because I'm sure that I am white as snow. His words seemed to offer everything I ever wanted to hear. He must see the hope in my eyes. "I'm not gay! I'm not fucking gay! I'm not! I just." He pauses for a minute and I can see his mind searching for words. "I just. I don't know. I had this idea that I would come here and we'd fuck around, but instead I find you with him. I'm not gay! I just thought it would be you and me. I thought we could you know." I give him a questioning look because he's confusing the hell out of me. "I thought we could experiment." He sits back down on the bed. "I noticed you checking me out a long time ago. I used to get turned on thinking that you were watching me. I wondered what it would be like to be with you and to hold you and to kiss you. I don't like guys. I just like, I mean liked, you."
I can't think of anything brilliant or witty to say. "Wow." I'm just thinking out loud.
He has a little laugh. "Aint this some shit! I tell you what's on my fucking heart and all you can say is `wow.' Say something else." We look in to each other's eyes. "Please."
"I don't know what to say."
"Say you felt something for me, too. Say you were calling that punk Lionel because you wished he was me. Say I'm not crazy to think that there's something between us; that there's always been something between us."
"I'm in love with you." I don't know why or how the words came out, but they did. The truth came running from my lips like it was on fire. We both sat there in the shock of my words, shocked in to silence. I was mentally bashing myself for letting such words come out. How could I blurt that out so easily? After a few moments of silence, I realize that I am still staring in to his eyes. We sit there staring in to each other's eyes. I wonder if he is having the same conversation in his head that I am having in mine. I realize that he is leaning forward. His lips attack mine and I happily give in. He pulls back.
He whispers, "You taste good."
"So do you." I know that's only half true. Most of him tastes like beer, but there is another distinct taste, a taste that is pure him; his taste. His taste is good and intoxicating all by itself.
He pushes me back on the bed and puts his lips against mine again. His tongue forces its way in my mouth and there is a hint of violence and brutality in his raw passion. There is a small voice in my head that yells at me to stop. `This isn't right,' my mind says. Part of me wants to stop, but I have wanted him too long to pass on any affection from him. His tongue returns to his mouth. He bites my bottom lip a little as he lifts his lips away from mine. It's not enough to draw blood, but it does remind me that I am alive and this is real. I wonder if it was an accident, but I know it isn't when I feel his teeth scrape at my neck a little. I gasp from the feeling. He replaces his teeth with his tongue and uses his tongue to trace along the places he touched with his teeth. Next he puts his soft lips down on my neck and begins a suction that is sure to leave a mark. I feel like I am floating above my body looking down at us. I'm afraid to move. He slides his tongue up my neck and finds my ear. His tongue covers my ear in saliva as it glides in and out and his hot breath makes the wetness tingle as it vibrates between my skin and his breath. No one ever licked my ear before. It felt weird at first but then it felt okay and kind of nice. "I want you," he whispers in my ear. That's when I really felt his monster pressing against me. I was scared of what he wanted to do, but I would do anything to please him. "Let's get naked." He rolls off of me and starts taking off his clothes.
"Maybe we should slow down." He gives me a look like I just stabbed him in the back. "I don't want to do this after you've had so much to drink."
"I'm fine. I'm not drunk anymore." He places a gentle kiss on my lips and says, "I know exactly what I'm doing." Who was I to stop this? I sat up on my bed and started taking off my clothes. Lionel was undressing as well. I kick off my shoes and pull off my pants. I am about to pull down my boxers when Lionel stops me. "Let me help you with that." I was about to offer to help him with his boxers but I look down and see his exposed penis. He grins and places his hand on my hardon through my boxers. He starts rubbing it and the friction from the fabric of my boxers had me moaning out loud. I close my eyes and relax under his gentle touch. He suddenly pulls away and I open my eyes in enough time to see his naked butt walking over to his computer. I am about to ask him what the hell he is doing, but I see him turn on his speakers and I have a good idea what's going on. Within seconds there is a playlist on the screen and music blazing out of his speakers. He walks back to the bed and hops on it. He leans down close to my ear and I wait for his tongue to make contact, but instead I hear, "Now you can scream as loud as you want to." I look in his eyes and all I see is lust. I know then that we're going to have sex tonight. I don't think he can stop himself.
He gives my lips a slight kiss as he makes a path down my body. He starts pulling down my boxers and I raise my hips to make it easy for him. He pulls them down and throws them across the room. I am losing precum like a leaky faucet. His tongue licks some of my precum and I watch as he swallows. He licks his lips and leans up to kiss me. This kiss is a full fledged attack. It feels like he's trying to fuck my mouth with his tongue or something. His ferocity is too much for me. I feel overwhelmed by his passion. He brings his tongue out of my mouth and says, "Relax." He goes down to one of my nipples and sucks on it so hard that I think he might suck it off, then he bites it and I jump. I never thought I would enjoy someone causing me pain with their teeth, but somehow his love nick made me want him even more.
I feel his hand slide down my body and then I feel a finger going up and down my crack. I spread my legs wide to give him better access. `Put it in,' I think. The finger traces around my hole a few times before finally trying to gain entrance. He slowly sticks the finger inside me. "Uhh." is the only response I can make.
"Yeah, you like that don't you?"
I look down and see the top of his head. He is still at work on my nipples, causing me to wonder if he really said anything. I moan a little louder when another finger enters me. His fingers are definitely longer than Michael's, I can feel the difference. His pumping pace with his fingers seems coordinated with his sucking action on my nipple. "I'm about to cum." I wanted to warn him. His response was to stick in a third finger and increase the speed. I came all over myself and he licked me clean with his tongue. Then I heard the words that I had been both dreading and eagerly awaiting.
"Now it's my turn." He gets up and walks over to his drawer. I assume he's getting lube and a condom, so I take the time to get on all fours. I didn't want to have the option of watching that monster stretching me open. He walks back to the bed and slaps my ass. "Turn over. I want to see your face while I fuck you." He didn't have to tell me twice. I'm willing to do whatever he wants. I turn over, spread my legs and try to get them as high as I can. My legs immediately come down when I notice that he doesn't have a condom.
"Where's the condom?"
"We don't need one."
"Yes we do, we've both been with other people." What I really meant was, `You've claimed to have fucked some nasty bitches and I'm not trying to catch anything.'
"Damn that shit! We don't need no fucking condoms! I want to feel everything!" Before I can protest, he is climbing on top of me. He pushes my legs up and lets them rest on his shoulders as he lines up his well lubed 10 and a half inch dick. He placed the head at my hole and started to press in. There was a little pop and his head was inside me. "Oh fuck yeah! Oh!" was his response. He begins to push in at a slow pace that is a little faster than I would have liked, but I don't protest. He can't get in all the way, but he seems satisfied. The sensations I feel from having something so big inside me are intense and surprisingly pleasing. He touches the right spot with every thrust and soon we are both moaning and panting and dripping sweat. I don't want it to stop because I don't want to know what it feels like to not have his dick inside me anymore. I wish our lovemaking could last forever, but it doesn't. To my surprise, Lionel's dick begins to grow even more inside me and I know he is about to cum. He cums in spurts that blast my insides. I wonder why I didn't insist on a condom. He collapses on top of me and whispers, "I love you." He rolls off of me and stands up. He walks over to his computer and closes the playlist. He turns off the speakers. "Damn that shit was loud!" I watch as he grabs his towel, shower shoes and shower basket. He wraps the towel around his waist, takes a quick look in the mirror and heads to the bathroom.
I am still in bed wondering what just happened. I was expecting to cuddle with Lionel for a while. After a few minutes, I begin to regret the entire night. We shouldn't have done this. It was a mistake. A dumb mistake. I knew it was wrong when we were doing it, but I still went along and now every bone in my body is telling me that it was definitely the wrong thing to do. He walks back twenty minutes later and climbs in to his bed without a word. I am fairly certain that he is regretting what we did, too. I wish I could say something to him, but I can't find the words. I should get up and shower, but the weight of our situation has me pinned to my bed. Lionel turns off the light near his bed and says, "Thanks for the action Lucas, I really needed that. You're a good friend."
Talk about talking out of your ass! I almost threw up when I heard Lionel say that. What was he talking about? He made it sound like I had sex with him as his friend and not as his lover. He made it sound like I was being a good friend and letting him fuck me. I didn't like his tone, but I was too submerged in thought to address the situation. I fell asleep thinking about Lionel and me.
I woke up the next morning to find Lionel dressing to go somewhere. "Where are you going?"
"I don't think that's any of your business."
"I think it is after last night." He turned and gave me a look that sent a chill running up and down my spine. "Do we need to talk?"
"There's nothing to talk about. Nothing happened! I was lonely, I needed to fuck something, so I said some things to you that I knew would make you open your legs for me. You came, I came and that's all it was, end of discussion."
"But."
"Don't say another word about it. It's over!" I had never heard Lionel be so cruel and callous before.
"But." He ran over to me and put his hand around my neck.
"Don't say shit about it. I'm not playing with you, Lucas. I don't want to talk about it!"
I knew he meant business, so I dropped the subject. We sat there in an awkward silence as I replayed all of his words from the night before and tried to reconcile them with his change of heart. There was a knock at the door. Lionel opened it and there was a skinny black girl standing there. She asked him if he was ready and he said almost. He invited her in for a minute and introduced her to me. "Lucas, this is my girlfriend."