Prologue:
How does one deal with unrequited love? How do you deal with the stress from the combination of worry and hope that comes with loving someone you know, or think you know, you can't have? I have always been the giver of unrequited love. I fall too easily sometimes.
Chapter 1:
I use to work for this party company in my home town. It was a great job. The people were awesome to work with, and the job itself was pretty fun. The pay could have been more, but oh well. I had always had a tendency to like people who were in control or in charge. I guess that's because I am kind of submissive, at least in private.
There was this one guy, Eric. He was strong, attractive and in control. He would drive me home from work several nights a week and we'd talk(well, he'd do most of the talking) for the whole ride. We would usually take detours to stores and the like. I felt great having this guy talk to me. I sometimes thought "Maybe he's gay", but I always dismissed it.
Well, over the time of two years, we became great friends. Even when he found out I was gay, he was cool. We would joke around at work. He'd say stuff like "Suck my dick", and I'd say "Sure; when and where?" He'd laugh it off, but I was serious.
One night, while we were talking in the back room, I mentioned I needed something to drink. He said that he had something for me to drink, and he grabbed his crotch. Of course, I couldn't resist an offer like that and I said sure. He asked me if I'd really do something like that. I said yes. He asked if I'd do it for free. I said yes. He said he'd think about it.
For the next couple of days, things were really weird. I'd ask him if he really meant it, and he'd tease me playfully. I really meant it, and I told him he was being mean. He apologized and asked me not to ask him again. If he was going to, he would tell me.
So, over the next two weeks, I went crazy thinking about all the what-ifs and maybes. All the scenarios in which I would get him and have him for my own. None of them happened, but something else did.
One night, I was driving home, and I happened to pass his house as he was pulling in. I stopped to say hello because he had been out of work for about a week now. I sat on the hood of my car and we talked about work and about just guy stuff. He then asked me "So, how's your love life?". It caught me off guard, and I already knew where it was going.
I told him that he knew how it was. He told me he could fix that.
"Don't tease me."
"I'm not."
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah. If I let you what are you going to do?"
By now my pulse was racing and my mind was running circles. If he turned his back on this now, I was gonna go berserk.
"I'll just suck you off."
"Ok. Where?"
"I dunno. Your car. My car. Doesn't matter."
He proceeded to walk to my car. I was parked under some trees in his front yard, and no one would see us. He entered my car and got in the back seat. I hurried up and got in next to him. It was awkward. More awkward than most people know. He leaned back, undid he belt, pulled his shorts down, and just waited.
I was in shock, but that didn't stop me. I went at it with a veraciousness that I had never had before. He was a stud. Fit, lean, muscular, and in charge. He was everything I ever wanted. I worked his cock with all the tricks that I could. Tonguing the slit. Running my tongue over the particularly sensitive area under the head. I fondled his balls. I went all out.
When he finally came, about 45 minutes later(boy was my mouth sore), he asked if I minded if he just kind of ran inside. I could tell he was uncomfortable about what had just happened. I let him go, and I felt great. My spirits had been lifted and I loved it.
Now, there is some things I need to explain. First, I love to pleasure other guys. It just gratifies me like nothing else. Second, Eric is "straight". So, even if I could sleep with him, I could never keep him. Third, I have a tendency of falling for the wrong people, such is this case.
Over the next couple weeks, I would suck him off almost every day. It was great. I loved it. But I realized I was missing something. I wanted more. I wanted to be held afterwards. I wanted to be loved, and last of all, I wanted to be loved by him, by Eric.
So, now a moral dilemna. Do I keep seeing Eric, and risk hurting myself, or do I try and stop myself from doing what I had been doing? The simple answer is the latter, but I couldn't. I like him too much to just drop him. I discovered I loved him.
Now there's another problem, does he feel the same? Common sense tells me no, but something else tells me he feels differently about me since we started this. He hasn't dated any girls since we hooked up(and trust me, he could get almost any girl he wanted), and , he would protect me from everyone. If someone said something about me, Eric stood up for me. If someone threatened me, Eric threatened them back. I fell even further in love, as if that's possible.
So, here I am now. Alone, thinking about everything that I wish would happen. Maybe... no... what-if... no. Here I am. Just thinking and not doing anything about it. But maybe I'll get up the guts to send this to him. Maybe I'll get the guts to weather his reaction, if it is as I think it would be. Maybe I'll get the guts up to say what I want to say, but I doubt all this. I doubt it heavily.