Disclaimer: I don't know them. I don't think I'll ever meet them. And I'm sure as hell that I'm not implying anything about their sexuality.
Author's Notes: I'm Back!!!! I want to show you guys what I've been reading recently in Nifty.
Double Take by Angel36745 Portal by Casey Maze of Moments by Tony The Love That We Have by Danni and Megan Doggy Style by Penelope Missing by Zarah Black Magic by Ashley W. Like the Rain by Josh Losing Control by MJ and Shaun
These stories get my recommendation and my seal of approval. Anyway, I hope that you guys are reading my new story called "Eventually". It's for those diehard JC/Justin fans out there. Zarah, hope you get to read this soon because I really want your opinion on this one.
Now go and enjoy the circus. Dane
Mad Season Chapter 11
Show Me The Meaning of Being Lonely
It's been a good hour since Lance talked with Stacy on the phone about his mom being in the Intensive Care Unit of St. Mercy's Hospital.
When he first came to her room, Lance broke down at the sight of his mother with all the bruises from the accident and the machines connected to her to monitor her vitals. Joey had to drag him out of the room to calm him down. It took the combined might of Joey's embrace, JC's soothing voice, and the sedative that the head nurse had to inject to calm Lance down. Eventually, all that forced Lance to a fitfully sleep.
As Lance slept in Joey's big arms, not really caring if anyone outside of the group saw them, everyone took their own little niche in the waiting room. The present members of the BSB were talking about what to do before going on to finish the last leg of their tour in a week's time. Christina managed to lure Howie away from his band mates just so she could use him as a pillow. Justin and JC, along with some of the bodyguards, went to the nearest place that was open this early so they can get some take-out. When they left, they weren't recognized by the small crowd that started to gather upon hearing the rumors that NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys were in the hospital. They weren't so lucky when both of them came back with pizza boxes and cartons of Chinese food and were nearly mauled by the fans. Thanks to the bodyguard's threatening stares and bulk, the crowd immediately parted and the two former Mouseketeers were able to get to the ICU with little problem, other than a few kiss marks and ringing ears. Ryan slept for the most part, until the food arrived and everyone, except for Lance and Joey, started eating.
In the private room of Diane Bass, she remained still while the machines check her vital functions and the rest of her family scattered around the room in silent vigil. Stacy nursed a cup of bland coffee from the vending machine, while Ford made phone calls to the people that needed to be informed of Diane's condition. Jim sat beside the bed, clinging on to her hand as if he's transferring his strength to her. Only the low tones of Ford's voice and the steady beeping of the monitors were heard in the almost frigid room.
Outside, the crowd slowly increased as the rumors of the NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys in where inside got out. The hospital had to increase their security when fans started to fake injuries just to see any one of them. Not far behind were the media who caught wind of the situation. With everything slowly getting out of control, Jive decided to send a PR representative to help quell the wild state of affairs.
Lance woke up to utter madness, still confused by all that things that happened in the pass 10 hours. "24 hours ago, I was just waking up in Joey's arms. Now, I may lose the woman who borne me into the world. God, I'm so scared," he thought to himself. Lances stood up and straighten himself to a position beside Joey, who offered comfort in that genuine smile of his. He held his hand and gave him a small kiss on the cheek, Lance blushed.
The only ones with the young couple were Justin, JC, and some guy in a suit. JC and Justin were trading reasons of why they can't use the story with the PR's suggestions for a cover-up. Joey just watched from his sitting position the exchange of blows; he gave up giving his opinions to the three who were oblivious to everyone around them. The bickering went on way pass the time when the rest of the group came back from the cafeteria. By this time, Lance was at the end of a very short fuse of an early morning migraine and blew out at the three. A big "shush" came from the Nurse's station and Lance immediately quieted down.
"Guys, let's me talk this with my family first before you guys do anything. You are all talking about something that's really none of your business. Not you Josh, nor you Justin. Not Jive or the Press, or anyone else. We will have a private family meeting and then we will inform you just what we think should be done." With that, he stood up and went to the room where Diane was being confined. Everyone was left speechless at how cold he sounded.
He steeled himself before entering the room. The light that seeped through the blinds gave the eerie atmosphere to the silent gloom. Stacy saw Lance enter and ran up to him to give him a hug.
"Hey kiddo! How are you holding up?"
Lance sniffed up a sob and smiled tearily to his sister. "Honestly, I don't know what is going on. I mean, I know what's happening and all, but I'm still confused." Taking his gaze away from Stacey, he saw that Ford and his dad were both asleep in very uncomfortable positions. His sister led him to the sitting area of the room so both of them could talk.
"You know you can tell me everything, right? I mean, like before," she paused. "..you left."
"Yeah, I guess. Things have been hectic this pass few days. What, with me getting settled here in New York, the sudden reappearance of you guys, and finding out that mom got into an accident doesn't really make me feel like I'm on top of the world. I'm feeling all the old stress again."
"Old stress?" Stacy's face screwed with incomprehension.
"You know all those problems I had before I walked away from everything that knew as familiar. All my work-related pressures, my coming out to the guys, mom's rejection, my low self-esteem, and God knows what other issues I have. When I traveled around, I felt like nothing could hurt me anymore. Sure, I would have those days when I felt like I was still part of NSYNC, but I soon felt like I was someone else, someone that I liked. With everyone back in my life, I feel like I haven't changed at all, despite all the radical differences that I made to myself."
"Things were never easy for you, Lance. You always had to fight to make yourself happy. When you left, we never realized just how important you were to the rest of us. We were resentful for a time, but we got over it. You needed to do what you thought was right for you. You needed a change."
"I know that. It's just that I was unhappy being me. I thought if I was someone else, I could feel different, no, more comfortable with myself. I was tired of being Lance Bass. All this five months of being James only proved that I'm still me. I figured all this crap wouldn't affect James. He wouldn't be affected by a mother who threw him out because of who he was. The first moment I heard you say that mom was brought here, I nearly snapped. Confused is an understatement to describe me. But I was sure of one thing, that I wanted to see mom and that I still love her, despite all the harsh things that happened in the past. Now, I'm all torn up about everything"
Stacy sat patiently by Lance as he told her all of his problems and concerns he's been having since that fateful night in Clinton, Mississippi. After about an hour of this, Jim and Ford joined their discussion, then their topic eventually steered towards Diane and whether they should announce to the world what had happened. They all agreed to the press conference, if only to help alleviate any pressure on everyone. Lance went out to the waiting area and found everyone gone, except for JC and Justin, who was lying down on JC's lap asleep.
"Hey," said JC meekly at the approach of Lance. "Joey's in the bathroom. Everyone else decided to go back to the hotel so they could get rested and come back tonight."
Lance sat down on the chair beside JC and started to rub his temples with slow circular motions. "I'm so tired, Josh. I want to see my mom wake up, resolve everything, and go to sleep for a million years."
JC grinned slightly. "You sound like me." Justin thrashed a bit with his position before settling down again. JC looked away from Justin's moving and focused intently at his younger brother. "Lance, I'm really sorry about what we were doing this morning. It's just that we were doing what we thought was best for you. We caused you a lot of pain and we thought we could at least make-up for all that by doing this for you. I guess, we were wrong."
Lance sighed. "Josh, you and Justin did have good intentions but you should have discussed this first with me. Just because a lot of things have been happening to my shitty life, that doesn't mean I'm not capable to make a decision. As far as I'm concerned, both of you are forgiven. Just don't do forget that I'm of sound mind and body, and we'll all be okay." Lance held on to JC's hand and squeezed it with some assurance. JC smiled in joyous relief.
"I'm sorry too, Scoop," said Justin's muffled voice from JC's lap, his eyes still closed.
Both of them looked at Justin and then at each other. A mischievous smile passed through their face as they thought the same idea. Instantly, both of them launched their fingers to Justin's tickle spots and sent Justin to a rush of uncontrollable laughter. He tried to scream "Uncle" but his laughing prevented him from stopping the continued assault of his friends.
Eight Hours Later...
Lance stared numbly at the circus before him. This was going to be his first public appearance in almost six months, and he was scared shitless. The only consolation was the fact that all of his friends were there to provide support.
The guy from Jive stood up at the podium waiting for the media who have gathered here to settle down. He looked at Lance while feeling like finally he was going to get paid for what he was supposed to do. He then looked at the rest of NSYNC, all flanked up on either side of him, JC and Justin on one side and Joey, suspiciously a little too close to Lance, on the other. The PR guy turned his head to the other side of the table where the rest of the group was sitting. On the far side were the Backstreet Boys, namely Nick, AJ, and Howie, followed by that "Skanky Bitch Christina," thought the guy, and that "Young Hercules guy", lastly. "Well, let's get this over with so I can go back to the hotel and sleep off this jetlag," he thought selfishly.
"Ladies and Gentlemen," shouted the PR guy to media. "We have a statement here written by Lance Bass of NSYNC and we would very much like for you to refrain from asking any questions until he has finished." He gave away his spot to Lance, who stood nervously and faced the multitude of questioning eyes and flashing lights.
"Thank you for coming, Ladies and Gentlemen. Close to a day ago, my mother, Mrs. Diane Bass, has been brought down here to St. Mercy's Hospital as a victim of a vehicular accident. She was riding a taxicab from La Guardia Airport when a stolen Delivery Van with a drunken driver spun out of control and struck the cab. The collision left my mother in a coma and is now currently being treated for it. We came here as soon as we heard what happened. The police have the driver of the stolen van in custody, and the driver of the cab survived with only minor bruising. NSYNC and all involved would like the general public to respect the privacy of the Bass Family and their friends and to please pray for the quick recovery of my mother. Any questions?"
Bryan McFadden of MTV News raised his hand and Lance pointed to him. "Lance, where were you guys when all this happened, and why are 3/5 of the BSB, Ms. Christina Aguilera, and Ryan Gosling with you?"
"They were with us at a party the day before the accident and their here for moral support. I guess that strangles any rumor saying that we hate each other." The room chuckled.
Another reporter. One of the local news channels. "Mr. Bass, can you tell us if NSYNC have broken up?
"No, we're still together as a group."
Another question.
"Will Mrs. Bass be okay?"
"The doctors are optimistic about her recovery."
"Where is Chris?," asked a young girl that looks young enough for junior high.
"He's in LA right now working with Fu Man Skeeto. He wanted to be here but we told him to stay and finish his meetings before going here. Next Question."
"Will there be another album out? After "Celebrity", you guys have been very quiet about what your future plans are going to be."
"Well, we decided to have a break and not go on any commitments related to the group. All of us would like to focus on our own projects. Until then, no touring and studio work."
"AJ, how was rehab?"
"Uh, no comment," said AJ with a downcast look, obviously not proud of that moment in his life. He perked up when the focus went back to Lance.
"Any solo projects in the works?"
"No comment. Next."
"Sorry to butt in but we have only time of one last question," said the PR guy as he put himself in front of the microphone then backed away. The media went into frenzy mode, hoping to have the privilege of getting the last question.
"Lance, what have you been doing these past few months? We have word on what the rest of the guys have been doing but you've been silent as to what has been happening to you?"
Lance looked intently at the reporter in a dark gray suit and then answered, "Honestly, I been just living my life. Thank very much." He then moved away from the podium and left the room. The rest of the guys looked at each other with confusion, and then followed Lance out of the room.
He was nowhere in sight and that made Joey worry.
"What happened to him? Where's Lance?," he said as he went back to the ICU and found that Lance's family there, but no Lance.
"Joey, what's going on?" Stacy came out of the room, followed by Ford and Jim in tow.
"We can't find Lance. After the press conference, he bolted. This was the first place we could think of that he could have gone to," JC said to Stacy as the rest of the guys dragged Joey down to one of the couches and tried to calm him down. Nick soon came with one of the nurses and she gave Joey a sedative. Soon enough, Joey was asleep.
Then JC took charge. "Okay, first things first. Lance could be here in the hospital so we'll do a floor-to-floor search. Howie and Chrissy, check the lower floors and see if he's in the ER or someplace. Just, you and Ryan, go to the pediatric floors and check if he's there. Nick and AJ, check the chapel and the cafeteria. Ford, you and me will check the roof. Stacy and Jim, stay here, watch over Joey and wait just in case he goes back here. Just make sure he doesn't do anything rash. Everyone, use your phones to report when you find him. We're not losing him this time."
Everyone nodded and went on their tasks at hand.
The Speakeasy, Three Hours Later...
James didn't know what happened. First, he was talking to the press about what happened to his mother, and the next thing he knew, he was going into a cab and told the driver to drive around for a while. He eventually told the driver to drop him in SoHo and paid him much more money than what was on the meter. It was still early so he walked around the vibrant neighborhood a few times before entering the doors of the Speakeasy.
He made way to the bar and saw Mel behind it. "Sugar, what are you doing here? Didn't the boss lady give you as much time off as you needed because of your mom being in the hospital? So why are you here?" Mel questioned as she continued to wipe clean all of the glasses in front of her.
"I just had to get out of there. I needed a drink. Pour me a JD, will you."
Mel raised an eyebrow while she poured him a shot of Jack Daniels. James gulped it easy and asked for another, this time letting it swirl around a bit before shooting it down.
"Mel, is anyone performing tonight?" he asked with his southern accent becoming more prominent.
Hearing that somehow made something itch inside Mel. "Well, today is a slow night. Kelly is out in a dinner with some investors. So I'm pretty much left in charge. Go ahead, play a set or two. It's still early after all." Mel said all this with a sly smile that James didn't notice.
James strode towards the stage and got the guitar all set up as well as the microphone. It took him a few moments and he was ready to perform. He then called one of the waitresses to bring him a bottle of Scotch just so it could help him feel numb, at least for this set. He surveyed the crowd tonight and mentally agreed with Mel's opinion of a slow night. With a starting riff, he began the set that caught the attention of whoever was in the Speakeasy this night. A few patrons recognized the song as "Angel Eyes" by Frank Sinatra.
Have you ever had the feeling That the world's gone and left you behind Have you ever had the feeling That you're that close to losing your mind
You look around each corner Hoping that she's there You try to play it cool perhaps Pretend that you don't care
But it doesn't do a bit of good You got to seek till you find Are you never unwind
Try to think That love is not around Still it's uncomfortably near
My old heart Ain't gaining no ground Because my angel eyes ain't here
Angel eyes That old devil sent They glow unbearably bright Need I say That my love's misspent Misspent with angel eyes tonight
So drink up all you people Order anything you see Have fun you happy people The drink and the laugh's on me
Pardon me But I gotta run The fact's uncomfortably clear Gotta find Who's now number one And why my angel eyes ain't here Tell me why my angel eyes ain't here Excusez moi my angel eyes ain't here Excuse me while I disappear
For two hours after that song, all James performed to that crowd that night were all sad blues songs, and he drank through the bottle of Johnny Walker like water. Mel decided to take him home after his last song as not to make a scene. She knew he was in pain, everyone in the room felt it through his melancholic singing. Her ears perked at James' next number, it was a very surprising blues rendition of the Counting Crows' "Colorblind".
I am colorblind Coffee black and egg white Pull me out from inside I am ready I am ready I am ready I am Taffy stuck, tongue tied Stuttered shook and uptight Pull me out from inside I am ready I am ready I am ready I am......fine
I am covered in skin No one gets to come in Pull me out from inside I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding I am Colorblind
Coffee black and egg white Pull me out from inside I am ready I am ready I am ready I am......fine I am fine
After his song ended, James pretty much shut down and, with the help of some of the waiters; Mel managed to get him off the stage, despite the now larger crowd wanting more. Mel picked up the bottle and shook her head in disbelief.
"Mac? Can you help me bring James back to his apartment? It's just four blocks down the street," Mel asked politely to the resident Bouncer/ Chef of the Speakeasy.
"Sure," he said and lifted James to his feet towards the door. Mel left instructions for Janie and Michel, two of the most senior employees, to lock up at closing time because she wasn't sure what time she'll be back. Mac followed, with James slung over his shoulder, and said nothing as Mel led the way to James' place. After a laborious trip up 3 flights of stairs and a knock on Mrs. Perez' door, Mel and Mac brought him to his bed.
"Thank you, Miranda. He'll have a bitch of a hangover in the morning but he'll thank us in the morning."
"No problema, mi amiga," the landlady said with a concerned face. "I'll see you guys out. He looks okay." With a yawn, she motioned everyone to the door. When Mel was halfway out the door, James moaned something incoherent and reached out in the air for something.
"It's alright. I'll stay and make sure he's okay. Besides, he has an early class in a few hours. I want to make sure he is at least presentable for that. Mac, can you call Kelly when you get back to the Speakeasy and tell her what happened tonight."
Mac looked at her straight in the eyes and both of them had a mental conversation. He shrugged and then nodded his head at Miranda. Both of them took their departure, leaving an inebriated James and a frustrated Mel alone in the bedroom.
"Sugar, you stink," commented Mel as she began to undress him for bed. I'm just glad you aren't puking or anything. Here James, stand a bit so I can remove your shirt"
With glazed eyes, James followed Mel's instruction but his arms kept on getting tangled. He wanted Joey here, or maybe Josh, heck even Justin and Chris, if just to hug him. He needed someone close. "Hey, someone is close to me. This person is lifting my shirt. So dark! Can't see the face. Wait! I see lips. So full and beautiful. I got to kiss them," James thought as he tried to adjust his eyes to the darkness of his apartment.
Caught by surprise, Mel felt James kiss her and she pushed him back. "This is wrong! I can't do this. He's gay and I have the wrong equipment for him. God, he kisses good!," thought Mel as she continued to remove the clothing of her friend. Coming on to the pants, James shifted a bit violently and bumped Mel's hand to his crotch. "Whoa! Is this his package!?! This boy is carrying the big guns!,"
James wanted to kiss those lips again. He wanted to taste them. Lick some of that softness and taste that cinnamon. "There they are," he thought and reached out and grabbed the arms of the person who was stripping him off, and then focused on that supple mouth. This time, Mel offered little resistance and gave in to the insistence of James. Surely, after a fashion, Mel's dress found itself along side James' pants.
Across the hall, Miranda opened her door to let out a very noisy cat that disturbed her sleep. Despite her sleepiness, she heard distinct moanings coming from her neighbor from across the hall. A look of questioning inched across her face. "Well, this is a first," she said to no one in particular.
Around Sunrise...
No one couldn't find Lance. After checking every floor of the hospital, they all presumed that he went out and wanted to be by himself. Eventually, relief came when Kelly called them to say that Lance came to the Speakeasy. They were taken aback by the news that Lance had gotten drunk, but gladden by that he was brought home safely.
Joey wanted to head out to Lance's apartment to see if he was okay, but JC stopped him.
"Joe, go to him in the morning. By the time you get there, he'll be passed out and out of it for at least until the afternoon. Let him rest up first before you go to him."
After much whining and convincing, JC and Justin won and brought Joey back to the hotel, with everyone else, to get some sleep. Joey sulked on the ride back, and didn't sleep at all when they got to the hotel. He then decided to get dressed and go out as soon as the sun came up, so he can put his mind at ease. Taking a cab to the apartment, Joey, instead of feeling more relieved, started to feel more edgy, as if he knew something was wrong. He soon arrived at SoHo and exited the cab. First, he went to a corner deli where he bought some breakfast and coffee for his boyfriend, knowing that he will need something to relieve his hangover. Next, Joey entered a corner 24 hours shop and brought some Extra Strength Tylenol. Proud at the thought that he was going to take care of Lance, he walked a couple of blocks to his apartment.
Arriving at the stoop, he began to feel all panicky all over again. Trying to shake them off, he bounded up the stairs and used the extra key that Lance gave him yesterday morning. Joey planned on surprising him and giving him all the care and attention that he needed in his time of crisis. Closing the door, he noticed that the silence in the apartment was enough to even unnerve a hermit. He knew something wasn't right in Joey-Land. He placed the items on the kitchen table and felt the strangeness of room; it was like he didn't belong here.
Joey turned to the one place that he knew where Lance could be and slowly opened the door. At first he studied the shape of the figure in bed. "Funny, it's a little too large," he thought to himself. He peered closer and noticed that not only was just one body on the bed, but two. Upon closer inspection, Joey eyes began to tear up even more when he saw that the person beside Lance was a woman.
Without a word, Joey turned around and left the apartment in anguish, slamming the door. Like what he did all those days ago, he walked all the way back to the Ritz-Carlton in a daze and acted like a zombie. He soon came to his room and locked everything. Joey stripped off his clothes and sank to the middle of the bed, hugging the pillow that still smelt like Lance.
Back in the apartment, Mel woke up to some door slamming and began to wipe the sleep from her eyes. She was disoriented at her surroundings and felt a figure beside her with her fingers. Mel looked down beside her and jumped off the bed when she recognized who was in bed with her. Everything came rushing back to her in a blur and she began dressing up quickly as to not get herself into any trouble. Quietly she crept out of the apartment with a guilty conscience and hoped to God above that this won't mean that she fucked up again. Going to another direction from Joey, Mel decided to think things over with some breakfast and a very big cup of coffee.
As predicted by everyone, James woke up hours later with a blasted hangover. Vaguely aware of anything, he walked to the bathroom and took a long hot shower. After that, he slipped on the boxers he found nearby and then started on the process of getting over the pain in his head. Looking for some pain relievers, he couldn't find any and swore a profanity that would make AJ proud.
He walked out of the bathroom and walked to the kitchen. James noticed the bags on the kitchen table and found some food, a bottle of Tylenol, and a cold cup of coffee. Being not aware of what happened the night before, with only a haze that comes to mind, he decided to get back to the hospital after all this. "Got to thank Mel for all this. She's so thoughtful," he thought as he downed four pills with the cold coffee, not aware that Joey did all this.