Marine Squad Sierra Foxtrot

Marine Squad Sierra Foxtrot 8

Marine Squad Sierra Foxtrot

Chapter 8:

It's been three weeks since the guys got back and we're still just eleven. Gunny informed us this morning while Josh, me and Pete were out on patrol with him that a new guy was arriving today. The helo was due in at 1330, and after dropping off our new man would be taking three of the porta-johns with them. I hope they were bringing three clean ones with them.

My birthday party was unlike any I'd ever had before. I'd always spent my birthdays with my family, so the parties had always been low-key, family type gigs. A Marine birthday party is nothing more than a frat party. I don't know where they found it, but we had enough beer to float a carrier. The party started right after dinner and went until 0330 the next morning. Thankfully Gunny didn't make us go out on patrol that day. He wouldn't have made it any better than the rest of us, though; he was just as shit-faced as we were the night before. I even got two birthday presents; one from Josh and one from Mark. Josh gave me his high-school class ring, which almost had me crying, and Mark gave me his Marine Corps combat water survival award pin. I was fighting like hell to keep from crying. I hugged them both to within an inch of their lives.

The razzing from the guys that had been on patrol with Matt about Josh and I only last a couple of days. It amazed the two of us that several of them wanted to see us kiss. I don't know what it is about straight men and wanting to see two guys kiss, but five of them seemed to express an interest. Between them and my own brother wanting to see it I was starting to wonder. And since Josh and I were as fucked up as the rest of them by midnight on my birthday, they saw a lot of it. All of our inhibitions had vanished. We still had a one or two man audience from time to time in our private moments as well. It seemed to rotate who would watch us, but at one time or another all three of our bunk mates had watched us sucking cock. We made sure none of them were around when we fucked, though; deciding that it was very personal, private time together. Well, OK, Mark watched us once, but that was Mark and he's allowed.

Mark's relationship with my little brother seemed to be getting stronger and closer than I ever imagined. They really had become best friends. I think Mark spent more time talking to Logan on Skype than I did. They were always emailing each other photos as well; Mark showed us several of Logan and Kyle, and their friends. It did turn out that Kyle is in love with Logan, and after they talked about it several times, Logan agreed to let Kyle suck him off. He told me it was unlike anything he'd ever dreamt of. He said he busted in about a minute and that he wanted to do it again; hopefully lasting longer the next time. He said he was still trying to figure out the whole Kyle being in love with him aspect, but he found the whole thing to be really hot. I told him to just keep Kyle's feelings in mind, relax a little about it and just let his feelings for Kyle flow naturally. He said Mark had told him pretty much the same thing. We both told Logan that there wasn't a damn thing wrong with being bi if that's what he thought he was. I have a feeling that Mark gets more updates about that than I do, but that's alright with me. I'm really happy for Logan that he found such a good friend in my good friend. I did kind of laugh to myself at the thought of Logan being bi. Our poor parents; one gay boy and on bi boy; they may never have grandchildren.

Josh did mention something to Mark about taking care of Scott, but Mark told him he'd thought about it and decided against it. He didn't want a blow buddy; especially a one-sided blow buddy, he wanted a boyfriend. He said he wanted what Josh and I had. I don't know what his odds were of that happening here, and I really hoped he didn't have my little brother in mind, but I guess time would tell. It did come out; or rather Mark was outed to the rest of the guys, a week after they got back. I don't know who outed him, but it did become common knowledge. He got a lot of shit for it for about three days, but they finally relented. They weren't able to get a reaction out of Mark so they finally gave up. Mark did tell me that Scott approached him about the blowjob, but Mark told him he wanted more than a one-sided suck buddy. I don't know if Mark ever really did suck him off, but Scott seemed to let it drop.

Matt's been different since they got back. He's way more low-key than he ever was before. I don't know if it was the ambush or Aaron losing his leg in front of him, but he's changed a lot. He still talks about sex and he still talks shit to anyone who happens to be in the area, but he's not as aggressive and he hasn't pulled a single prank since he's been back. I've been out on patrol with him several times since the ambush but he's not the same guy. He used to be antsy, always wanting a firefight; always wanting to shoot at something or blow something up. Now he just walks around with the rest of us and seems to avoid too much action. He'll still shoot back, of course, if we're fired on, but he doesn't go looking for it like he used to. Mad Matt is gone, and it's kind of weird. I've been thinking of talking to Tiff about the change in him; see if she thinks he's lost his edge or his nerve. I can understand that he might have, but it just makes him seem like a different guy; not the Matt we all know. I've never seen one of my brothers get injured, much less lose a limb, and I'm not sure how I'd deal with it either.

We get back from patrol at a little after 1500 this afternoon. I don't know if our new guy is here, but right at the moment I don't really care; I need to hit the latrine. I wasn't sure if it's the ramen noodles from last night or the MRE I had at lunch, but something's about to hit with a vengeance. Josh and I split off at the front of our building, him going to our room. I still have all of my gear on, and it's not easy to get all of me in the stupid porta-john but I manage it just in time. When I'm finished, and thinking I should post a haz-mat sign on the door, I go to our room. Josh is already out of his gear and putting things away. I ask him to help me out of mine and we get everything sorted and stowed. While we're putting things away Mark walks in, waving his hand in front of his face.

"Somebody just fuckin' died in the john; I wouldn't go out there if I were you."

Josh starts laughing and looks at me, Mark following his eyes. "Have you met Joe? He's the guy that just crapped himself silly in the john." They both start laughing. Mark looks at me.

"Dude! What the fuck? It smells worse than that other one did."

"I can't fuckin' help it! I don't know what hit, but something did."

He shakes his head, grinning at me. "You might wanna wait a few days before you give that ass up to Josh; he'll fuckin' fall in."

"Fuck you, boy; leave my ass outta this. Besides, it didn't do too much expandin' on that one."

"Ewwwww!! That's way more than I wanted to know, Joey. Damn, dude; there's some things that should remain personal."

"Well you fuckin' brought it up! Quit givin' me shit!"

He loses it; he just busts up laughing, making Josh laugh too. "Well apparently you need some; you left all yours in the fuckin' john!"

"Blow me, boy." I groan and look at both of them. "I'm gonna go take a fuckin' shower; let you two boys laugh at me when I'm not here."

Mark grins at me. "What, did you shit all over your legs and now you have to clean up?"

"Get out! Go away!"

He laughs more, and then looks at both of us. "Have you guys seen the new boy yet?"

"No, I was in the john, dyin'."

"His name is Andrew Henderson; Drew as he likes to be called. He's a big boy, but really kinda cute in a big boy sorta way."

I grin at him. "Ah, does Marky have a crush on the new boy?"

He grins. "I don't know... I've never really been attracted to big boys before, but like I said, he's cute in a big boy way. He has a really cute face."

"Ahhhh." I turn to Josh. "Our boy's in love, Josh; what're we gonna do without him?"

Josh smirks and grins. "Yeah, we may be losing our little boy to the new big boy." He turns to Mark. "When you say big, just how big are we talkin'?"

"Not like lard ass, just big; kinda Gunny type big. He's about six-one and probably two ten."

Josh grins at him. "Ahhhh. OK, give us the rest; we know you have detailed info on this boy."

Mark grins. "He's eighteen, fresh meat from basic and he's from some Podunk town in California I never heard of; Sausalito or some shit. He has brown hair and brown eyes, and really nice, full lips; kissable. He also has a great ass; nice and big and round."

Josh and I laugh. "Face it, baby boy, you like ass no matter what size they are. So, other than his fine physical attributes, how does he seem?"

"He seems pretty cool. Kinda nervous and scared; but who can blame him, he's been outta ITB a whole week. It's also the first time he's ever been out of California, so this whole thing is kind of trippin' him out a little. I told him we'd take good care of him. Shut up." Josh and I laugh. "And that we'd show him the ropes and be his buddies while he gets settled in."

"Does he know about us? Do we have to go through the whole gay boy thing again?"

"I didn't tell him shit; let him find out on his own. I did kind of hit on the subject of gays and he seems cool with it."

"Are you gonna tell him you love him?"

He grins. "Fuck you, boy. I don't love him, but I wouldn't mind seein' what's under the cammos."

"Perv. Mackin' on the eighteen year old fresh meat; what a perv."

"You're just jealous that you had to settle for an old dude." He laughs.

"Fuck you; I'll take Josh over any one any day. And he's not fuckin' old; he's only a year older than you, for fuck's sake."

Mark grins. "Down boy; I was jokin'. You know I love you both. Anyway, I told Drew that we're havin' chow with him, and that he's welcome to hang out with us after; he's still with Tiff, doin' paperwork and shit."

"Ahhhh. Sure, Mark; you know we always welcome fresh meat."

"You got your meat; this one's mine; maybe." He grins and we laugh.

I shake my head and grin at him. "I see how it is, you get my baby brother to fall in love with ya then just leave him for the first nice ass to come along."

"Don't even go there, Joe. You know damn well there's nothin' like that goin' on with me and Logan."

"I'm sorry. I really am, Mark; that was outta line. I was tryin' to be funny, but it didn't work. I apologize."

"I know, but that was kinda harsh, Joey."

"I'm sorry, Mark. So, what is Drew's MOI?"

"He's just a plain ole infantry Marine; just like me."

"We'll be on our best behavior, Mark; I promise. Do you forgive me?"

He grins. "Of course I do, brother. Now go take your shower and get some of that stink off ya. We'll go get Drew when you get back and grab some chow. You're not allowed to eat though if it's gonna smell that rank on the way out." He smiles at me and smirks.

I look at my watch. "Damn, boy; you hungry; it's not even four yet?"

He looks at his watch. "Oh. OK, we'll just hang out then."

I smile at him. "OK, we'll hang out with your new boy." I walk up to him and hug him, apologizing again for the stupid comment.

"Don't worry so much, Joey; I know you were joking. Forget about it."

I break the hug and smile at him. "Thanks. I do love you, you know."

He smiles. "I know; I love you too. Now go wash your ass, boy."

"Yes Sir."

I turn to Josh, giving him a quick kiss and then strip down and grab a towel, heading out to the shower room. It's full up when I get in there so I'm stuck waiting. I'm talking to Pete while he showers, just kind of passing the time. He tells me that he was on patrol with Matt today and it was kind of weird. I tell him I've noticed the same thing and was going to talk to Tiff about it. He asks if he can come with me when I do and I tell him of course. While we're talking, one of the other showers opens up and I jump in. Pete and I continue our conversation; agreeing that something is definitely up with Matt. As I'm taking my shower our new boy comes in, still fully dressed and carrying his shower gear with him. He's pretty much as Mark described him; cute big boy. He does look kind of like Gunny. He's not fat at all, but like farm boy big. He looks at the three full showers and sighs. I look at him and smile.

"Hi Drew; my name's Joe; I'm a friend of Mark's."

He smiles. "Hi Joe; I'm Drew; nice to meet ya. Mark said you and a guy named Josh were his best buds. Is that Josh in the shower next to ya?"

I grin. "Nah, that's Kevin and the one under water is Pete; Kevin's just a grunt that likes to see me naked."

Kevin laughs. "Fuck you, boy; I got your grunt hangin'." He looks at Drew and smiles. "Hi ya, Drew; welcome to the war."

Drew cringes a little and then smiles. "Hi Kevin; nice to meet ya. So is it as bad as I've been hearin' around here?"

"Nah man, don't psyche yourself about it; it's just mostly walkin', hikin' and lookin' for people; and occasionally killin' `em."

I smirk. "Damn, boy; don't tell him shit like that."

"Well, its true, isn't it?"

"Well, yeah, but you don't have to freak him out on his first day."

"Just tellin' him like it is. Isn't it better he's prepared for some of it?"

"I guess so." I turn to Drew. "Don't sweat it, dude; you'll get the hang of it. But yeah, what he just said is pretty much what it's about around here. So Mark says you're infantry; you don't have a special MOI?"

"No, I just wanted to be in the infantry; a Marine rifleman."

I smile. "We're all Marine riflemen, brother, but sometimes you gotta challenge yourself to bigger and better things."

He blushes and smiles. "Maybe in a little while; when I get used to actually killin' someone."

"I won't lie to ya, brother; it's gonna freak you the fuck out the first time, but we're all here for ya. You've got eleven other Marines here that will watch your back and be by your side if you ever need us."

"Thanks; I appreciate that. I'll do the same for you guys." He looks over at Kevin. "So I guess Sergeant Harris, er Tiff, is the only woman here?"

Kevin grins at him. "Yeah, dude; the only actual woman."

"What do you mean, actual woman?"

Oh fuck, I know where this is going. Kevin grins at me and then at Drew. "Our boy Joey here and his boy Josh are kind of our resident wanna-be women; they're boyfriends."

Drew snaps his head over to me. "You're gay?"

"Yeah..."

"And you have a boyfriend here in camp?"

"Yeah; his name is Josh."

Kevin laughs. "Don't freak, dude; it's just their thing. We don't worry about it; don't you either. There's not two better recon in Afghanistan than Joe and Josh, and there aren't two guys more capable of coverin' your ass than these two. They will never let you down; so don't sweat the gay shit. It's actually kinda fun to watch `em together sometimes; they're like an old married couple. "He laughs.

Drew just stands there not knowing where to look, finally settling on me. "You mean the Marines doesn't care that you and Josh are boyfriends?"

"I've never gotten a letter from `em about it, but I don't think they do. To my knowledge the only ones that know are in this camp; I don't think anyone sent out a mass email."

Kevin laughs and Drew grins. "Yeah, I guess they wouldn't, huh? I don't have a problem with it; I was just kinda shocked that you're so open about it."

"We got tired of livin' a lie for these grunts so we came out. We're pretty open about it, about everything, so if we do something that makes you uncomfortable or freaks you out, tell us and we'll try to chill out."

"OK... Thanks, I guess. You're not gonna be like fucking in the chow hall, are ya?"

Kevin laughs hard. "No, dude; but if you get `em shit faced and challenge `em, they'll make out with each other."

Drew blushes and grins. "Oh man... This place is not what I was expectin'. I thought it'd be just another form of basic; everyone yellin' all the time and havin' me runnin' for no reason."

Kevin and I laugh. I look back at Drew. "No, dude; it's not boot camp here; we're all really easy goin'. It's just a bunch of guys, and Tiff, tryin' to survive and get back home. We have a pretty good time when we're not workin'; so relax and enjoy, this is home for the next year."

"I guess..." He looks at me a little nervously. "So if you and Josh are boyfriends, and Mark is your friend, does that mean...?"

"I will neither confirm nor deny that implied question. That's up to Mark to say anything."

Kevin laughs hard. "You chicken-shit." He looks at Drew, grinning. "Mark's every bit as gay as this one. He's a late bloomer, though; he kinda shocked us when he came out. We weren't at all surprised about Joe and Josh, but Mark kinda shocked us. Maybe because he's single; we didn't see him bein' all cuddly with anyone."

Drew just stands there, not knowing what to do or say. I look at Kevin and then at Drew and back to Kevin.

"I'm done here; I'll let you and Drew bullshit." I turn to Drew. "It's all yours, dude; I'm finished."

I turn the water off, step out and grab my towel. As I'm drying off Drew is starting to strip out of his uniform and looking over in my direction every two or three seconds. I finally bust him.

"Relax, dude; I'm not gonna jump your bones. I have my own man; I'm not in the market for a new one."

He looks down at the floor and finishes taking his boots off. I look over at Kevin and roll my eyes and he smirks. I wrap my towel around my waist and head back to my room, telling them both, `later' on my way out. When I get back to our room Mark is still in there, talking to Josh and Scott. I just drop my towel and finish drying, Mark and Scott whistling at me. I grin and turn to Mark.

"Your boy's in the shower if you wanna see the goods."

He grins. "Did you see `em?"

"No, he wouldn't get undressed in front of me once Kevin told him I was gay."

"What? What the hell happened in there?"

I shake my head. "Kevin outed all three of us to him. He said he was cool with it, but when I got out of the shower to let him have it, he started to undress but kept glancing at me. He got as far as his boots before I left. I told him I wasn't gonna molest him; that I had a man and wasn't lookin' for a new one. He stared at his boots."

"Oh man... Fuckin' Kevin."

"Look at it this way; you don't have to sweat over whether or not to come out to him and how he'll react."

"Why, did he seem like grossed out or pissed off about it?"

"No... He actually just seemed really shy and uncomfortable about it; hell about everything. You're right; he's very shy and freaked out about all of this, about being here. Maybe it was just too much for him in one day."

"Fuckin' Kevin; I'm gonna kick his fuckin' ass."

"Leave Kevin alone; it would've come out soon anyway; probably during dinner. Kevin just speeded things up."

"I know, but give the guy a fuckin' chance to breathe and get used to bein' here before springin' this shit on him."

"This shit?"

He shakes his head. "I'm sorry; you know what I mean. Give the boy time to adjust a little before freakin' him out."

"It's his problem if he's freaked out about it. And I'm not sayin' he is I'm just tellin' you what happened in the shower. Like I said, he's kinda terrified about bein' here, maybe he just kinda went into overload. He was just bein' shy. Fuck, maybe he thought I was hot and was afraid to look for very long in case I busted him." I grin at him.

He grins. "You think? You are a fuckin' hottie; maybe he plays on our team?"

Josh and I laugh. "Don't get your hopes up yet, baby boy; you have some recon to do before you know if you can plan the weddin'."

He laughs. "What do mean recon; what kinda recon?"

"Well the first order of business is personal recon. The boy's naked in the shower and you're standing here jaw jackin'."

"Fuck! See ya!"

He runs out of the room and the three of us laugh our asses off. I have one foot on the floor and one on my bed, my ass sticking out and I'm drying my calves. Scott looks at me.

"Damn, you do have one fine ass, boy."

I blush and grin. "Thanks. You can look but you can't touch."

Josh jumps in. "What the fuck're you doin' checkin' out my boy's ass? I thought you were a straight boy?"

"Dude, a fine ass like that deserves to be checked out. I am straight, but he has a fuckin' incredible ass."

Josh smiles. "I know, and it's all mine; go look at somebody else's ass."

I laugh and lean over to kiss Josh. "Thank you, babe; I love your ass too."

Scott smirks. "Fuckin' pervs."

"Us!? You're standin' there checkin' out my ass and you call us pervs?"

"Yeah, well... You are pervs." He grins. "But then so am I." He shakes his head. "Fuckin' incredible ass..." He laughs and walks out of the room.

Josh looks at me and smirks. "I may have to make you start wearin' baggies; everyone's checkin' out my boy's ass. I'm startin' to get worried."

I grin. "You know damn well it's yours, babe; they can look all they want but they ain't ever gettin' it."

He grins. "What if they just drag your ass into the weapons room some day and take it?"

"It'll take all of `em."

"I know... You're my big strong Marine, baby; I love you." He smiles at me.

"I love you too, sexy Marine."

"Kiss me, boy."

I lean over and kiss him, sliding my tongue in for a moment. We kiss for about ten seconds and he pulls away, smiling.

"Nice. You do have a way with your lips, boy."

"Thanks, so do you."

"I need to leave the room or you need to finish dressin', `cause I'm startin' to check out your ass, and I know I can have it." He grins.

I smile big. "Fuckin' right you can have it; you want it now?"

He grins. "I'd love it now, but not a good time, sexy boy. We'll take a rain check until bed; how's that?"

"Fuck yeah, boy; I'll be waitin', all lubed and ready to go."

He chuckles. "That's my boy."

"Forever and always."

"Get dressed before I can't wait `til tonight."

"Yes Sir."

He grins and then reaches around me and slaps my ass. I lean forward and kiss him.

"I fuckin' heard that!! Do it again!!"

We both laugh. Josh yells back. "Slap your own ass, boy!"

"It's not the same!!"

"You got that fuckin' right!!" We all laugh.

Once I'm dressed without getting molested by anyone, Josh and I head over to the chow hall, finding it empty. We look at each other and shrug. There's usually at least one person in here doing something; a lot of the guys using the tables to write letters home or play cards on. Josh and I decide to fix ourselves a snack and watch some T.V. before dinner. We settle on a bowl of cereal since there isn't any popcorn left and crash down on the couch next to each other. We are actually sitting up since we're eating cereal, but we are right next to each other. We're sitting there watching a rerun of NCIS when Mark and Drew walk in. Mark looks at us but doesn't really give any sign of recognition. He asks Drew if he wants anything and gets him a Gatorade; grabbing the pretzels while he's at it. He and Drew walk over to the T.V. and park themselves on the other couch. Mark turns to Drew.

"Hey, bud, the guy on Joe's right is Josh. Josh this is Drew."

Josh smiles at him. "Hey Drew. Gettin' all settled in?"

"Yeah, tryin' to. My bunk room is kinda live and noisy; reminds me of boot camp."

"Yeah, it can get kinda noisy around here when there's a lot of us here. You'll find yourself sleeping whenever you can find some quiet time. All the guys in our bunk room pretty much work the same shifts so we try to keep it quiet when we're back. You'll get used to it."

"I hope so; it's been a hellva week so far."

Josh smiles at him. "Yeah I know what you mean; I remember our first week. I had to sit in Kabul for two weeks, sittin' on my ass doin' nothin' while I waited for my orders to come in."

"Oh man, that woulda really sucked. That barracks in Kabul is a zoo twenty-four hours a day. I was glad I only had to spend two days there."

"I hear ya. I was exhausted by the time I got here. All I wanted to do after that plane ride was sleep, but I couldn't, it was too fuckin' noisy all the time."

I'm sitting there watching and listening to the conversation Josh is having with Drew. Drew seems a little more relaxed, but is still taking the occasional furtive glance at me. I'm starting to get curious; he either thinks I'm hot or he thinks I'm the anti-Christ or something; he seems nervous about me for some reason. I decide to talk to him a little, see how he acts. I look at him and smile.

"So Drew, Mark tells us you're from California; northern California, right?"

"Yeah, Sausalito; its right across the Golden Gate bridge from San Francisco."

"Cool. So have you ever been in an earthquake?"

He grins. "Yeah, a few of `em."

"Sorry, I've never been to California; that's all I really know about San Francisco; they have earthquakes."

He laughs. "Yeah, they do; but they have a lot more than that there. We also have the Forty-niners, Raiders, Giants and Oakland A's."

Oh great, a sports nut. I like sports but I've never been a fanatic about it like some of my brother Marines. I nod at him.

"Yeah, that's right, huh? So do you ever get to go to the games?"

"Yeah, but mostly the `A's' when they're playin' at home. You pretty much have to have season tickets for all the others, and we're not exactly rich so we never had `em."

"What do your parents do?"

"Just my dad; he's a reporter for a local news station in San Francisco."

"Do you have brothers and sisters?"

"Nah, it's just me and my dad."

"Cool."

He doesn't volunteer much and this was hard work so I went back to watching NCIS. Josh, Mark and Drew talked to each other while I watched the show, and I did notice that Drew was more vocal and forthcoming when I wasn't in on the conversation; when he was sure I wasn't paying attention. I found out he actually lived on a houseboat with his dad; that he'd grown up on it. That would've been kind of cool. When NCIS is over I tell them I have to go meet with Tiff; that Pete and I have a meeting with her. I give Josh a kiss on the cheek and leave the room.

Once I'm outside I head over to Pete's bunk-room to get him, deciding that I may as well do what I told them. It'd been a reason to get out of there, but I decided there was no time like the present to have that talk with Tiff. I couldn't find Pete in his room so I tried the showers next. He wasn't there either so I headed over to the office. When I walked in, Tiff and Gunny were in some kind of argument with each other so I ducked back out and went to our room. Pete was in there talking to Scott so I joined them. Pete looked over me.

"Did you wanna go talk to Tiff now?"

"I did, but it's not a good time; she and Gunny are in there arguing about something. I stayed for like half a second and ducked out."

"You were gonna talk to her without me?"

"No, dude; I was lookin' for ya; I thought maybe you were already in there. I didn't expect to find you in my own building. We'll try again after dinner or something; maybe they'll be calm by then."

"OK. I wonder what they're arguing about."

"Like I said, I ducked right back out as soon as I heard `em. I have no idea."

"OK."

"Where's Matt?"

"I don't know; haven't seen him since right after patrol."

I frown. "It's getting kind of weird." I look at Scott. "Have you noticed a change in Matt since you guys have been back?"

"Yeah, that's what Pete and I were talkin' about. He's getting more and more quiet and out of it."

"I know; it's scary. We were gonna talk to Tiff about it; see if maybe she had some ideas on what to do or if she'd even noticed."

"Yeah, that's what Pete said. Maybe we should go look for him. If you didn't see him while you were lookin' for Pete, then he's wandered off and that's not good."

"You're right. Take your radios; we'll split up and look for him. Whoever finds him first, radio your twenty."

"Will do."

I walk over to Mark's room and grab his radio, and then to our room and grab both mine and Josh's radios. I walk over to the rec-room, finding them still talking in the same spots. I walk in and walk up to Josh, handing him his radio.

"Matt's missing. You and Mark take your radios and we're starting a search for him. Scott, Pete and I are heading out. If you find him, radio your location and we'll come runnin'."

"Wait! What do you mean Matt's missing?"

"He's not in camp. Haven't you noticed he's been actin' kinda weird since he's been back?"

"Yeah, but I didn't think he'd just disappear. OK, we'll help you guys look for him." He turns to Mark. "Let's go. We'll look on the northeast side; Joe, Pete and Scott can head in the other direction."

Drew looks at Mark. "Do you want my help; should I help look for him?"

"Sure; come with me since you don't even know what he looks like."

We all leave the rec-room and head out, all of us going in different directions. As I'm walking around, alone, I realize we've all done something really stupid. Our commander has no idea we've left, we're not wearing any protective gear and we're unarmed. I'm trying to stay within sight of camp in the hopes that rebels or anyone else wanting us dead wouldn't be dumb enough to get this close to a Marine camp. After about thirty minutes of walking around I still haven't seen any signs of him. Just as I'm turning to walk to my left my radio squawks; it's Josh.

"Recon one this is Recon two; copy?"

"Go Recon two."

"I found him, Joey; he's one click southwest of camp; in that rock outcropping."

"Copy; I'm on my way."

"Joey... He's not himself; he has his sixteen and he's staring at it; kind of zoned out on it."

"I'm coming, Josh; hold on. Try to talk to him; get him to release the rifle."

"I don't know, Joey; he's not even recognizing my presence. I'm less than a meter from him and he still hasn't looked up at me."

"Just sit next to him and talk to him. I'm runnin'; I'll be there in a second. Hey; did you guys get a copy on this; Pete, Mark?"

"Yeah, Joey; we're on our way."

"I'm runnin' J.C.; I'll be there as soon as I can."

It takes me about six minutes to reach them; I was on the direct opposite side of their location and I've been running at full speed the whole way. When I come up on them, Josh is sitting next to him, talking softly to him. Matt is still staring at the rifle; not really conscience of Josh's presence. I walk up to them, panting and trying to catch my breath. I sit down on the other side of Matt, looking over at Josh. He looks nervous and kind of scared. I look at Matt.

"Hey Matt; how's it hangin'?" Nothing. "Matt? You OK, bud?" I look over him at Josh. "Has he said anything?"

"Not a word."

"Matt? What's goin' on, dude? Why are you sittin' out here with your sixteen? You been snake huntin' again?" No response. "Hey Matt, we're gonna be eatin' chow soon; come back with us and get some food."

The other three come running up about then. They all stand around in front of us; just staring down at Matt. I look up at them.

"Take a seat, guys; he's not a fuckin' attraction at the carnival."

As they're sitting down around us, I move around so I'm directly in front of Matt. At least if he starts to bring his rifle up I can grab it. I look at him, trying to get a read on him. He's just staring at the rifle; not even really focused on it, just looking at it.

"Matt? Hey dude, what's up with the rifle; you thinkin' of proposin' to it?"

I smile at him, hoping he'll hear the joke and lighten up a little. He just keeps staring at the rifle.

"Matt, what happened isn't your fault; there's nothin' you could have done. Aaron's OK; he's home with his family and he's doing OK. This isn't your fault, buddy."

Scott looks over at Matt. "Hey dude, we got fucked; there wasn't a damn thing any of us coulda done. We're all alive, and expect for Aaron we're all right here; we're fine. Aaron's good too; he'll be just fine. Don't trip out about this, man. It's not gonna change nothin' that happened; we have to move forward."

I look back at Matt. "Matt, we're here for ya; you need to talk to us. We'll do anything for ya, man; you need to tell us what's goin' on, though. Matt...?"

He looks up at me. "I watched his leg get blown off his body and I couldn't stop it; I couldn't help him. I couldn't even get to him... I wanted to help him, but I couldn't get to him... We were under fire and I couldn't help him..."

"I know, Matt, but he doesn't blame you; there was nothing you could do. If you'd tried to get to him you would've got your head blown off. You did what you were able to do; you took out the bad guys, Matt."

"I should've taken `em out before; I should've seen `em coming at us." He looks in my eyes. "I was drivin' the fuckin' truck, Joe; I shoulda seen `em comin'."

"Even if you had seen `em coming, what could you have done differently?"

"Rammed the motherfuckers; shot at `em; did something. I stopped Joe; I fuckin' stopped. You know we're not supposed to stop, but I fuckin' stopped. I fucked up. I fucked up and I almost got all of us killed and I got Aaron's leg blown off. I fuckin' stopped, Joe."

"Why'd you stop, though?"

He looks down at his rifle for a few seconds before looking back at me. "I froze; I fuckin' panicked."

"No... No way, not you, Matt; you never fuckin' freeze and you never panic. What happened; why did you stop? What did you see in front of you, Matt?"

He looks away for a few seconds, looking into the distance. When he turns back to face me his eyes are moist; he just stares at me. I reach over and grab his face in my hands, looking directly at him.

"What did you see? What was in the road, Matt?"

"I couldn't believe it, Joe; I couldn't fuckin' believe my eyes. There were two little girls there; they couldn't have been eight or nine years old... I looked at `em; I looked in their eyes..." He sniffs once. "I was lookin' right in their eyes and they just fuckin' exploded right in front of me. They had bombs strapped to `em, Joe; the motherfuckers strapped bombs to little girls so we'd stop and they could kill us. What was I gonna do...?"

"Matt, you did what anyone would've done; it's not your fault. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry you had to see that shit, but you did what anyone would've done. You're not responsible for Aaron or anyone else; you're not responsible for those two girls. They would've done it to someone else if you hadn't been there. It's not your fault, Matt."

"I stopped, Joey; I fuckin' stopped and I got Aaron's leg blown off..."

"You had to stop, Matt; you would've never forgiven yourself if you didn't stop to help those girls. I'm so sorry you had to see that, but you did what you thought was right. Please don't blame yourself for anything that happened that day."

"I can't get that image outta my head, Joe; I can't stop seeing those two girls in my head. And I can't stop seein' Aaron laying there with his leg half gone. I can't get the images to stop, Joey..."

"I know, buddy, I know, but you can't blame yourself for anything; you did what you had to do. Why didn't you tell us; why didn't you talk to one of us? You know we'll do anything for ya, Matt; we're here for you, brother. You gotta talk to us about this shit."

"I couldn't... I couldn't tell anyone what I saw; what I still see. Nobody else saw `em until they exploded; I couldn't tell anyone..."

"You can tell us anything, Matt; you know you can. We're here for you and we want to help you. You have to talk to us, let us know what's going on." I look from his face to the rifle in his arms and back up. "What's the rifle for, Matt; what're doin' with the sixteen?"

"I don't know... I was thinkin'..." He looks right in my eyes. "I was thinkin' it would make the images stop... I can't take the images anymore, Joe..."

"You can't do that, man; you can't make the images stop that way; please, Matt; not that way. We'll help you, brother, we'll do everything we can to help you, but you can't do this. What the fuck would we do without you? Huh, what the fuck would we do without you?"

"I'm no good anymore, Joe; I lost my edge; I'm no good to ya, now."

"Don't say that shit! That's fuckin' bullshit and you know it! You're our friend and our brother; we love you and you're worth far more to us than just as Mad Matt. Don't ever think that you're just our pit bull; that's fucked up. We need you; we need you with us. Who the fuck's gonna put snakes in Mark's bed if you fuckin' leave us? Huh? Who's gonna post pics of me and Josh if you fuckin' leave us? You can't do that to us, Matt; we need you with us."

"I can't make the images stop, Joe; how do I make the images stop if I'm still thinkin'?"

"We'll help you make the images stop; we'll help you make `em less horrible. You have to talk about this shit, brother; you can't keep shit like this to yourself. You can't take yourself outta the game, dude; we need you. You're our fuckin' quarterback and we need you for the entire game."

He smirks. "You don't even like football, dude; what's with the analogies?"

I grin. "Hey, I was thinkin' redneck; I was just trying to tell you what you mean to us. Tell me something. What would you do if it were Pete or Josh or any of us sittin' out here with a fuckin' sixteen in their arms thinkin' about takin' themselves out of the game? You can't do this, Matt. You can't do this to your family and you can't do it to yourself. Please, Matt; don't do this."

"How the fuck are you gonna help me not see the images anymore? I don't wanna see those girls in my head anymore; I can't take it!"

"I don't know for sure, but we'll fuckin' do whatever we can. We'll talk to you, we'll help you deal with it; we'll try to make you forget `em. Fuck, I'll suck your fuckin' cock if you want me too, but we'll do what we can to make `em stop."

He smirks again. "One horrible image replaced by another, huh? Thanks buddy."

I smile at him. "Hey, for you; anything. Come on, Matt; just don't do this shit. Please. I'm beggin' ya; please don't do this; don't think about doin' this. Please."

"What happens to me if I stay; if they find out I've lost it? They'll fuckin' kick me outta the Corps; send me home. What do I do about that, huh, Joe?"

"They're not gonna find out shit; we're not tellin' anyone. This is the five of us, brother; nobody's gonna know shit. You're not gettin' kicked out of nothin'. Besides, they wouldn't kick you out anyway; they'd try to help ya. They have dealt with this shit before, brother; they're not gonna kick ya out."

"They'd put me in some nut hospital; tryin' to get in my fuckin' head. You can' tell `em, Joe; you can't tell `em I fuckin' lost it."

"I give you my word, I'm not tellin' anyone. None of us will say a word. Just please come home with us and stop thinkin' about that fuckin' rifle."

"You never even asked me for it."

"I knew you'd never give up your weapon. You never have and you never will. I trust you not to do anything with it, though. Please Matt."

"How'd you know I was here?"

"We couldn't find your ass so we formed a search party and went lookin'. Josh found ya."

He pulls his face out of my hands and looks over at Josh. "Fuckin' bloodhound; shoulda known I couldn't get away from fuckin' recon." He smiles at him. "Thanks, Josh."

"Don't thank me, just don't do anything stupid. You know we love you, we'll do anything we can for you, Matt."

Matt sees Mark sitting next to Josh. "Hey, snake boy; sorry about that; I really am. I'm sorry I did that to you."

"Just don't do this shit and I'll forgive ya. Like Joe told ya; we need you here, brother. You're a major pain the in the fuckin' ass, but we need ya."

"Who's the new guy?"

I look at Drew then at Matt. "His name's Drew; he was helpin' us look for ya. He just rolled in today. He's here for Aaron."

"He's not replacing Aaron."

"No, he's not replacing Aaron. He's here to see that Aaron's job gets done."

"Is he any good?"

I grin. "I don't know, but with you trainin' him he'll be fuckin' awesome. He just got out of basic, so take it easy on him for a few days; let him get settled in."

"He's not takin' Aaron's room."

Uh oh. "I think that's where Tiff assigned him, but we can get it changed. We're limited in beds, though; who do you think should get Aaron's room?"

"Tell him to trade with Scott; Scott was with us."

"Done. Anything else?"

"He's not gettin' any of Aaron's stuff; none of his equipment and not his sixteen."

"Done. Is that Aaron's sixteen you're holding?"

"Yeah..."

I don't say anything to him, but that's really fucked up; he was going to kill himself with Aaron's rifle. I look at him again. "What else?"

"Tell him training starts in two days."

"Will do. Are you ready to go home now?"

"I guess..."

"We may get in deep shit with Gunny; we didn't tell him we were leavin'; he has no idea where we are. I'll think of a story on the way back."

"Tell him the truth."

"No. He has to report shit like this; he has no choice. We do though."

"OK. What about the new kid; he gonna tell him?"

I look over at Drew. "You have any thoughts on this?"

"No. I ain't sayin' a fuckin' word to no one."

"Good `nuff." I turn back to Matt. "He's mute. Let's go home. Besides, I'm tired of fuckin' squattin' in front of ya; my `strings are startin' to burn."

He smirks again. "I never heard ya complain when you're squattin' in front of Josh."

I grin at him. "I get hard dick when I'm squattin' in front of Josh; all you give me is a hard time."

He finally grins. "Maybe I'll give ya some hard dick one of these days. I know you've been checkin' me out since that day on the helo pad at IOS."

I look at him, a little shocked. "How the fuck did you know?"

He grins. "You were scopin' out my ass, and you watched my mouth when I talked to ya; you didn't look at me, you looked at my mouth. You wanna kiss me, huh?"

I blush and he finally laughs. "I'll admit, I've thought of kissing you a hundred times; you have great lips."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah, I really do. You're right, I was watching your mouth when you talked; imagining myself kissing those lips; what it would feel like."

"So how come you never said anything; or ever tried?"

I roll my eyes. "Please, dude, you'd have fuckin' knocked my ass out if I ever tried kissin' you. And I sure as fuck wasn't gonna tell ya I thought you had nice lips. Now stand your fine ass up and let's go home before we have Gunny on the war path. And give someone that fuckin' rifle."

"No, the rifle stays with me. I'll pull the firing pin out, but the rifle's not goin' anywhere but with me."

"Why?"

"It's Aaron's and I'm taking it home to him when I get outta here."

I smile. "OK. Come on, let's go home."

I stand back up, stretching my legs a little and then hold my hand down to him. He takes it in his left and I pull him up, looking him in the eyes again.

"We'll help you get through this, Matt; we'll do whatever we can for ya."

"I know... I'm sorry I scared ya; I shoulda just talked to ya. I just didn't know what to do; what to say."

"I know, it's OK; just talk to us. We're here for you anytime."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

The other four stand and we start walking back to camp, Matt tucked safely between Pete and I. Matt leans forward a little and looks over at Drew.

"How old are you; you look like you're fuckin' twelve?"

"Eighteen."

"How long you been eighteen?"

"Five months; I went to San Diego the day after my birthday."

"You live in the west?"

"In California. Sausalito; just on the other side of the bridge from San Francisco."

Matt smirks. "Oh hell, another one from the gay capital."

"I'm not gay, dude. Just `cause I live near San Francisco don't assume I'm gay."

"You don't like gays?"

"I didn't say that; I said I wasn't."

"You're right; I'm sorry for assumin' that shit."

"Don't worry about it."

"So, you gonna have a problem livin' in the same camp with three gay boys?"

"No, I got no problems with it."

"Good, `cause if you do you'll have to deal with me, and contrary to today I'm a mean motherfucker. These three are my best friends, short of Aaron and nobody messes with `em; nobody."

Josh smirks. "What do you mean `nobody'? You mess with us all the time."

"I do it `cause I can and `cause I love ya; he hasn't earned that right yet."

"Stop giving him shit; he's nervous enough bein' here."

"I'm just sayin'... If he gives you a hard time about anything, or talks shit about you to anyone he'll have to deal with me."

"Well I don't think he's gonna; so cut him some slack, please."

Matt looks over at Drew again. "I'm sorry for bein' a dick about it, but I'm just lettin' you know what's up. Don't give these three any shit and you won't get any from me."

"I'm not givin' anyone any shit, dude; I'm here to do my job and stay alive."

"That's the objective, dude."

It takes us about fifteen minutes to make it back to camp. When we get there we don't see any signs of Gunny or Tiff; maybe they're in the office, still arguing. Josh and I put our radios back in our room and I go check on Matt while Josh heads over to Pete's building. Matt's pulling the firing pin out of Aaron's rifle and putting it under his bed. I look at him and grin.

"You're a good friend for doin' that for Aaron. He'll be glad to have it back."

"Thanks."

"I'm gonna go have a chat with Tiff about changin' the rooms around; you need anything?"

"No, Joe; I'm OK. Don't worry about me; I'm not gonna try that again."

"Please don't; I couldn't deal with you doin' that. I'd miss the fuck out of you, boy."

"Thanks. Hey, maybe we should just leave junior in the other building; I'm gettin' a vibe off him."

I look around me to make sure we're alone. "I've been getting one too; I can't define it, but something's outta sync with him. I thought I was the only one; Mark and Josh think he's great, but I just don't know."

"What made you think that?"

"It's just the way he looks at me. He won't hold eye contact with me. He seems fine with Josh and Mark, and he knows they're gay but he just glances at me and then looks away. Mark said maybe he just has the hots for me, but I doubt it. Although the first time I met him I was naked; I was in the shower."

Matt laughs. "Fuckin' perv. I don't think that's the case either, though. Something just seems a little out of sync, like you said. How about we ask Pete to trade bunks with him? Keep him in the other building but get him outta Aaron's room."

"OK, I'll ask Pete about it. At least that way we don't have to involve Tiff."

"That too. Thank you for today, Joe. I was fucked in the head about this. And I know I will be for awhile, but thanks for saving me today; I was gettin' fuckin' close. I just kept staring at Aaron's rifle; wondering what it would feel like when the round went in my head. I'm glad you came lookin' for me."

"I'll always come lookin' for ya, Matt; you're my friend. I'm sorry you've been dealing with this on your own, but no more; you talk to me, any time, any place. Got it?"

"Got it. Thanks again."

"I can't lose you; I'll do anything for you. You're a pain in the ass sometimes, but you're my friend and I love you."

He stands and walks over to me, stopping about eight inches from me. He grins. "Kiss me."

"What?"

"You've been wondering since SOI what it would be like to kiss me; kiss me."

"You're serious, huh?"

"Very. Kiss me, boy." He grins.

I grin. "You're not gonna freak out and hit me?"

He laughs. "I'd never hit you. No, I'm not gonna freak out. Kiss me."

"Are we talkin' kiss your grandma kiss or a real one?"

He laughs. "A real one. I'll even give you some tongue if you want it."

I laugh. I look at him a moment and then reach up with my right hand, grabbing the back of his head and pulling him to me. Our lips touch and I open my mouth and his tongue slides in, meeting up with my tongue. I moan into the kiss and pull myself closer to him, reaching behind him with my other hand and grabbing his ass. He moans into my mouth and clenches his ass a couple of times. We hold the kiss for about twenty seconds before he breaks it. I just stare into his eyes, kind of awestruck. I smile at him.

"Fuck... You are very good at that. Maybe it was because it was kind of a fantasy kiss for me, but you're fuckin' great at it. Thank you, Matt."

He blushes a little. "You're welcome. You're pretty fuckin' good at it too; no wonder Josh moans into you every time you kiss him." He smiles at me. "Not that I'm complainin' any, but how long do you plan on holdin' my ass?"

I jerk my hand away from his ass and blush. He laughs. "Don't worry about it, Joey; you can touch my ass anytime you feel like it. It felt kinda good, actually."

I blush again. "Sorry; I was kinda caught up in the moment."

He grins. "Yeah? Well, don't ever tell anyone but I was too; it was a great kiss."

I blush again. "It was. Thanks, Matt; that meant a lot to me. I've been thinkin' about it for a long time."

"I know... I wanted to let you do it; make you happy."

I blush again. "Thank you; you did."

"Good. Now go rap with Pete and ask him if he'll trade bunks with junior. Please. I can't walk into that building, Joe; it freaks me out."

"No problem, Matt. I'll be back shortly. And thanks again for the kiss; it was fuckin' incredible."

He blushes. "It was. I've never kissed a guy before, but it was hot. Thanks."

I smile at him and walk out of his room, heading for the door. I get together with Pete and he agrees to trade rooms with Drew. I enlist Mark and Kevin's help and we have them both moved in less than twenty minutes. I've been worried about Matt being alone so I head back over to our building, walking straight to his room. He's lying on his bunk, looking at some kind of pamphlet or brochure.

"Trying to decide if you wanna join the Marine Corps?"

"Huh?"

I laugh. "Sorry, it's been a running gag with me and Josh the last couple of days; the Marine Corps brochure."

"No, it's a pamphlet from some youth ministry my mom sent me. She's really gung-ho about the whole church and Christ thing. I've been gettin' drug off to some church, revival or bible study since I was a year old. I never went in for the whole thing, but I told her I'd read the stupid thing."

"Thinking of converting?"

"Fuck no. Can you really picture me in a church now? I'd get kicked out within a minute for cussin'."

I grin. "No doubt; you do have a mouth on ya."

He grins up at me. "I think we just established that."

I blush again and he grins bigger. "Yeah, we did. Anyway, the move has been arranged and performed. Pete is in Aaron's room and junior's in Pete's room."

He smiles. "Thanks, Joey; thanks for doin' that for me. I know it's weird, but seein' some new kid in Aaron's room would piss me off."

"I know; don't worry about it. We got him moved out. Pete's gonna get him set up with equipment, making sure none of it is Aaron's. Do you wanna go grab some chow; I'm buyin'?"

He smirks. "What, cereal or ramen noodles?"

"Oh, fuck no on the noodles; they tore my ass up earlier."

He laughs. "That was you!? You're the one that killed the fuckin' crapper?"

I laugh. "Guilty as charged. I couldn't help it, dude; that shit shot through me like a fuckin' sidewinder."

He laughs. "Yeah, but you made it dead dog smelly somewhere in the middle. Damn, boy, I thought that whatever died in the other one had come back."

"I'm sorry; it was either that or shit my pants and share it with everyone."

He laughs. "Good choice, then. Fuckin' Joe... Killin' the fuckin' crapper again."

"Hey, I didn't kill it that other time; that was somebody else's noodles."

He grins. "OK, so no noodles for you. What're you buyin' me for supper?"

"Supper? Fuckin' redneck. I'll buy you whatever you want."

"Don't be talkin' shit about the way I talk, boy."

I look around the room, peaking down the hall while I'm doing it. I look at him, blushing again. He grins. "Since I've already come clean about your lips, I'll let you in on another secret of mine. It wasn't just your lips I thought about. I love hearin' you fuckin' talk; that southern boy accent just does something to me."

He smiles big. "Really?"

"Yeah, really. I don't know why, but hearin' you talk just gets to me. It's fuckin' sexy, dude; even when you're sayin' something stupid."

He laughs. "It's just talkin', Joe; it's the way I've always talked."

"I'm sure it is, but I've never really been around too many people from the south. That fuckin' accent and the way you talk just get my attention. I can't fuckin' help it. So there, you know all my dirty little secrets about you."

He grins. "All of `em?"

I think for a second, counting them off in my head. He laughs. I look at him and blush again. He giggles. "You want `em all, huh?"

He smiles. "Fuck yeah; I never knew you were crushin' on me. I knew you wanted to kiss me, but I didn't know you were crushin' on me."

I blush again. "I was for awhile; probably from that day at SOI until Josh and I got together."

"Oh, I see how it is; you throw me over for some little red head." He grins.

"Hey, that little red head has my heart. I fell in love with him before I even met you. You were like a walking wet dream to me, but he's my true love."

He laughs. "Walkin' wet dream, huh? Damn, boy; you had it bad. Why didn't you ever tell me any of this?"

I smirk. "I thought we covered that?"

"Yeah, OK; I see your point. So tell me this, have you ever fantasized about havin' sex with me?"

"Countless times."

"Really? Like what?"

"Perv; you just wanna talk about sex."

He laughs. "Normally I would say you're right, but this is really interesting. I've never had a guy have the hots for me before. At least that I knew of."

"You have, you just didn't know it." I look around the room again. He laughs. "You're fuckin' hot, boy; you've had guys checkin' you out."

He actually blushes. "You think so?"

"What, that you're hot or you've had guys checkin' you out?"

"Both."

"Fuck yeah, you're hot; you don't see it?"

"Nah, I'm just a dude; nothin' particularly hot about me."

"Well you are. I know what you're sayin'; I think the same thing about me, but Josh and Mark tell me all the time I'm hot. Fuck, even Scott has the hots for my ass; he told me it was incredible."

He smirks and grins. "Well, yeah, he has a good point; it is nice. So, what kinda things were you thinkin' of doin' to me?"

"Pretty much everything I do with Josh; that should give you a good idea."

"Damn... So, do you still think about me?"

I blush again. "Sometimes..."

"Really?"

"Yeah... I'll see you doin' something or a cetain look on your face and I'll start thinkin' about you. And yeah, I still check out your ass quite a bit; you have a great ass."

"Thanks." He looks at me closely for a moment. "Were you ever in love with me, Joe?"

"I thought I was at one point. I felt guilty about it; thinking I was cheating on Josh even though we weren't together yet. I just quit thinkin' about you that way. I knew nothing would ever come of it anyway. I really didn't think it would with Josh either, but I was head over heels in love with him; I couldn't let him go."

"I never knew or even thought about how I'd feel if a guy ever told me that, but I have to tell ya, Joey, it's really fuckin' nice. Thank you. I mean it. Thanks, bro, it means a lot to me."

"Yeah, well, you mean a hell of a lot to me."

He jumps up off his bed and stands in front of me. "Thank you." He leans in and gives me a quick kiss, making me blush again. He smiles at me. "Let's go get some supper, lover boy."

I grin at him. "You gonna hold my hand on the way?"

He laughs. "I think I'll leave that for you and Josh; besides, he'd kick my ass."

I look left and right and then give him a quick kiss. "I wouldn't let him. Come on, redneck; let's eat."

When we get to the rec-room Mark, Drew and Josh are cookin' hamburgers; what else? Anyway, I was pleasantly surprised since I'd been kind of getting my taste buds ready for just another bowl of cereal. I look at Drew and grin.

"I see they drafted ya into cookin'."

"I don't mind; I did all the cookin' for me and Dad."

"Good, `cause none of us cook that well; you're hired."

"Sure."

"I'm just jokin', dude; don't take everything so seriously."

"OK."

I shake my head and look over at Matt. He grins and shakes his head.

As we're sitting there eating Gunny and Tiff walk in, Gunny walking over to us and looking down at the five of us.

"Are you guys plannin' on tellin' me what the fuck was going on earlier?"

I look up at him. "No. If you know you're obligated to do certain things; we don't need those things done. It's being taken care of."

He looks at me, kind of surprised I'd say something like that to him. "I could do those things just by what I heard on the radio. I'm gonna let you guys handle it, but know this. If you ever go off without your gear and weapons again I will kick your fucking ass; are we clear?"

"Yes Gunny."

"That was just stupid, and you all know it. Don't test me on this; I'll have your fuckin' asses on a plane back to the States so fast you'll think you're in time warp. It will be your last day as a Marine."

"It'll never happen again, Gunny."

"Make sure of it." He looks at Matt. "Are you alright?"

"I don't know when I'll be alright, Gunny, but I'm better."

"For the guy that never shuts his fuckin' mouth, you sure picked a bad time to clam up. I'm taking you off patrol for a few days; I wanna see how you're doin' before you go back out. You and I are gonna be havin' a few chats while you're hangin' out with me. And don't freak out; I'm not makin' any of this official, but you need to get this out, Matt. I've been there; I have an idea of what you're goin' through."

"OK, Gunny."

"Now would someone like to explain to me why there was a room change and it wasn't cleared through Tiff or me?"

Matt looks at him. "It's Aaron's room; I thought it'd be better if one of Aaron's friends had it. I asked them to take care of it for me. I'm sorry I didn't tell ya."

"You mean ask me. Like I told those two when they wanted to double-up, I don't care where you fuckin' sleep, but you need to clear it first. I know things are lax around here, but you're still in the fuckin' Marines; we do things a certain way."

"Understood. I'm sorry, Gunny."

Gunny looks at Drew. "Were you with these buttheads earlier?"

"Yes Sir."

"Don't call me Sir, Marine."

"Sorry Sir. Uh Gunny."

"That was the first and last time you will leave this camp without gear and a fuckin' weapon. You got that?"

"Yes Gunny. I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, just don't do it again."

"Yes Gunny."

He stands there and looks at all of us. "I'm not worried about what happened with Matt; I know we'll get it worked out. I'm fuckin' pissed as hell that you would all be stupid enough to leave camp without your gear and a fuckin' weapon. I know you thought time was of the essence, but have some fuckin' common sense, will ya? Do you guys have any idea how fuckin' stupid that was?"

I look up at him. "Yes, I thought about it when we were out searchin' for Matt. It was stupid and we won't ever do it again."

"It'll be the last thing you do in that uniform. Now finish chow and get this fuckin' place cleaned up."

"Yes Gunny."

He turns and walks out of the room, slamming the door on the way out. We've all seen him a little ticked off, but not this mad. We fucked up. I look over at Tiff. She gives me a small smile.

"Don't worry too much about him; he'll calm down. Actually part of his anger is my fault; I pissed him off before you guys even took off. This was all just really bad timing."

Matt looks at her. "I've never seen him that pissed off before. I'm sorry about all of this."

"Don't be sorry, Matt; just talk to us when you're havin' problems, OK?"

"I will. I found out today what my brothers will really do for me; how much they mean to me. I'll talk to `em when I need to talk."

"Good. Now I'm not sayin' you're not good at it, but I would have this room looking like brand new before you walk out of here. He's gonna be on the war path for at least a day; don't cross him. Just a suggestion. Enjoy your dinner." She grins and walks out, making sure to close the door very lightly. We hear her chuckle as she walks away.

Matt looks around the table at all of us. "I'm really sorry, guys; I had no idea he would get that pissed off."

I look at him. "It's not your fault, Matt; we're the ones that took off without our gear. At least you had a weapon." I smile at him.

He smirks. "Yeah... I'm sorry guys."

Mark looks at Matt. "Don't worry about it. We'll just stay out of his way for a few days; let him cool off. I don't know about the rest of ya, but I'm not really hungry anymore. You guys can finish eatin'; I'm gonna get started on cleaning up."

Josh and Drew jump up, Josh looking at Mark. "I'm not hungry either; I'll help."

Drew agrees with him. "My stomach's in a fuckin' knot; I can't eat. What do you want me to do to help?"

Mark looks at him and smiles. "Grab a broom; I'll get started on dishes."

I look over at Matt, grinning. "I guess it's just the two of us, redneck; waddaya say?"

He grins at me. "You just want me to say somethin' southern, huh?"

I smile. "Hell yeah. But seriously, do you want to finish supper or get started cleanin'?"

"Supper?"

"Hey, I'm tryin' to learn how y'all talk."

He laughs. "Y'all? You're learnin', boy; you're learnin'. I guess we should help our brothers. Let me take a couple bites and we'll get started."

I grin. "Matt, if you're still hungry just eat your food; it's not like the room's goin' anywhere."

"I know, but I feel bad for gettin' y'all in trouble." He smiles at me. "Go put your apron on; I'll be there in a minute."

"Yeah, I've heard about you southern boys. You say you'll be to bed in a little while then you start watchin' the game and pass out on the fuckin' couch."

He laughs. "You been watchin' too many old movies. It's a new south, boy; we learnt how to walk upright and stop draggin' our knuckles a few years ago."

"Y'all even wear shoes now, huh?"

He laughs again. "Only for church and Sunday supper."

I laugh. "Eat your food, boy; I'll be helpin' these guys."

He smiles at me. "OK. I'll be there in a minute. Shut up, boy." He laughs.

I grin at him and stand, taking my plate with me over to the sink and handing it to Mark. I smile at him.

"How can I help?"

He grins. "Grab an ass and start dryin'."

I grab his ass and smile at him. "Like this?"

"Just like that. If you could hold my ass, hold a towel and dry dishes at the same time I'd fuckin' marry ya."

I laugh. "Me too, baby boy." I let go of his ass and grab the towel. "Start handin' me those dishes, boy."

I happen to glance over and see Drew standing there holding the broom and looking at us. As soon as I see him he looks down and starts sweeping. I roll my eyes and take the plate Mark's holding out to me. We spend the next two hours cleaning that room; it does look like brand new when we're finished. We even managed to find some floor wax in dry storage so we waxed the floor; you could see yourself in it when we were done. As we were walking out I told the others I was going to tell Gunny we were done. I wanted him to check it out before anyone got in there and screwed it up. I grabbed Drew's shoulder and told him he was coming with me. The others just looked at me, but then went on their way. Drew looked over me.

"I'm not sure I wanna see Gunny right now, Joe; I don't think he likes me much."

"He likes you fine. You're not seein' Gunny; I am. You're here for moral support."

He just gives me a strange look and then looks at the ground again. I roll my eyes again and start walking over to the office, my hand on Drew's shoulder, pulling him with me. I knock on the door and peak my head in.

"The room is clean, Gunny. We're gonna go clean and check our weapons. Have a good night."

"Thanks. Have a good night."

I close the door and look at Drew.

"Let's chat."

"OK... About what?"

"Let's go over here and grab a seat."

I pull him over to Tiff's bench and sit him down on it, taking the spot next to him, but straddling the bench, looking directly at him.

"I don't know what's up, but we need to get it sorted out. I'm not one to pussy foot around an issue, so we're havin' this talk in private. I would expect you to be honest with me and tell me what's goin' on."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean why do you look away every time I notice you lookin' at me? If you're uncomfortable around me, then tell me; we'll deal with it. If you're checkin' me out and you think I'll be offended, don't worry about it. If you think I'm the biggest asshole in the world then tell me and we'll work something out."

He looks down at the ground again. "I'm sorry. I don't think you're an asshole."

"That's good to know. I do kinda like it when people look me in the eye when they're talkin' to me. Makes me believe they're not hidin' something." He still doesn't look at me. "What's goin' on, Drew? Why are you so uncomfortable around me?"

I watch as his face turns red, the color rising from his chin to his forehead. He finally speaks, but is still looking at his boots. "I'm sorry. I'm not uncomfortable around you, it's just you're so confident about who you are, I wonder how you do it. I guess I look at you trying to see what you have that I don't."

"Confident about what? Being a Marine? Being gay? Being with my friends?"

"All of it, I guess. I feel like I've been thrown into the deep end. I'm the new guy amongst great friends. I'm the youngest. I'm the rookie. I'm alone and away from home for the first time in my life. I mean, like earlier when we found Matt. I was scared shitless. I mean, here was this guy I didn't know from Adam, holding a rifle in his lap thinkin' of using it to kill himself and you just took control. You defused the situation and you made him see that it wasn't as bad as he thought. I get the impression he's been here awhile and he's kind of the wild boy, but you took control and made him look at you, telling him it would be OK."

"I couldn't let him do what he was plannin'. Matt is a very special friend to me; I couldn't let him self-destruct. I was fighting for his life and I was every bit as scared as you were. I just did what I thought needed to be done. You'll learn more confidence as you get used to bein' here. I was scared shitless the first few days I was here. I was depressed as hell too, `cause Josh wasn't here; he was stuck in Kabul for two fuckin' weeks and I was a worthless wreck. Gunny was ready to send me packin'."

"You guys are really in love, huh?"

"Yes, we really, really are. I live and breathe for that man."

"But you're always being intimate with Mark and Matt."

I smile. "No, not intimate, just playing a little. The four of us are great friends; Josh is my best friend as well as my boyfriend. We're just comfortable with each other and we're comfortable being flirty with each other. I don't want anyone but Josh."

"And then when you told Gunny no when he asked if we were gonna tell him what happened. I almost shit myself. I couldn't believe anyone would tell their commander no. You have balls, dude."

I laugh. "I do, but that wasn't why I told him no. I couldn't let Matt be taken to a hospital and I knew if Gunny knew officially he would have to send him. I would rather be written up for insubordination than let Matt get taken away."

"Yeah, but how do you do it? How do you be that confident?"

"I'm not that confident, Drew. I just do what I feel is the right thing to do. You should have seen me when everyone found out about me and Josh; I was terrified they would make our lives hell. They teased us for a couple of days, but nothing serious; just high school type shit."

"How do you know what the right thing is, though?"

"You just have to be true to yourself; you have to know that you're doing what you think is the right thing to do. I'm sure your dad taught you right from wrong and how to make decisions about what you should do in a given situation. It's nothing different than what we've been taught our whole lives. No matter what you do you have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror."

"I guess... I've never been that confident. I've always done what I thought was right; always treated people the way I want to be treated, but I still have doubts. I still worry about what people will think about me."

"If you're doing what's right then people aren't gonna think anything bad about you. The bullshit of high school is over; this is real life, and it doesn't get any more real than right here. We risk our lives every time we leave this camp and we have to know that we're doing what's right. We don't worry about what others may think of us because we're doing what we're supposed to do."

"It's not that easy to not worry about what people think of you."

"So, what; you're tellin' me you're a bad man; you have some deep, terrible, dark secret. Maybe you were a mass murderer in a previous life?"

He grins. "No, nothing like that. I don't remember any previous life." He finally looks at me. "I still worry about what people think of me though. I really didn't worry about it much before I joined the Corps, but bein' around all these guys that do nothing but talk about their sex life, it's made it really embarrassing."

"Lay it on me; I'm pretty good at keeping secrets. I'll let you know how embarrassing it is."

He blushes and looks away. "I'm... I'm still a virgin."

I smile at him. "In the words of my little brother; that's it?"

"That's a lot."

"Drew, you're only eighteen; I wouldn't worry about it much. And just because everyone talks about it doesn't necessarity mean they've really done it; you know how guys are."

"I know... Still, I would like to say I've at least gotten laid once before I get my head blown off somewhere around here; that's part of why I'm so freaked about bein' here."

"I understand the fear of bein' here; I was freaked when I first got here too, but the last thing you need to worry about is gettin' laid. And if you're worried about the guys here findin' out and giving you shit about it, just make up a story. I give you my word that I will never tell anybody what you just told me."

He gives me a shy smile. "Thanks, I appreciate that. Still, I've never been any good at lyin'; I don't think I could pull it off."

I grin. "Well, with me and Josh here I really don't think you're gonna have to worry much; we seem to be the hot topic of any sexual conversation. You'll also discover that it's really hard to talk about your own sex life with Matt here; he's always talking about sex."

He smirks. "I've kinda gotten that impression."

I look directly at him. "It doesn't make a bit of difference to me, and I know it's a really personal question, but I gotta ask. Are you straight, bi or gay?"

He blushes a little. "I'm straight. I had several gay friends during high school, and a couple of `em did offer, but I never went through with anything."

"I was just wonderin', `cause bein' gay or bi would definitely make it a lot easier for you to get laid around here. Not that I'm offerin', it's just the law of averages; there's only one female here and she's very happily married."

He smirks again. "Yeah, I see what you mean. I have a weird question for ya; if you're straight and you have sex with a dude, does that mean you're no longer virgin?"

I laugh. "Yeah, dude, it mean's you've gotten laid; it doesn't matter if it's a guy or girl, sex is sex."

"I guess that's true enough. Still, I don't know if I would really consider it gettin' laid if it wasn't with a girl, seein' as how I'm straight."

"Well, yeah you have a point. Look at it this way; I'm gay, but my first time was with a girl and I considered that to be the night I lost my virginity."

"Why'd you have sex with a girl if you're gay?"

"I was stayin' on the down low for the parents; they don't know about me and I really don't want them to; they're kinda old school about this. I had two girlfriends while I was in school and one of `em decided we should fuck, so we did."

He grins. "You were able to; you got hard and got off?"

I chuckle. "Yeah, but I have to be honest; I was fantasizing about some hot dude in my geometery class."

He laughs. "I guess I can understand that. I hope you didn't call out his name."

I laugh with him. "No, I managed to keep my mouth shut, but I was sure as hell thinkin' about him. She thought I was fuckin' great `cause I lasted so long; we went for like forty minutes before I was able to bust."

He laughs again. "Fuck... That's funny."

"Lookin' back on it, it is, but I was kinda frustrated with the whole thing; I wanted it over with. All I'm sayin' though, is I wouldn't worry too much about bein' a virgin around here. And I don't mean to put a downer on anything, but if you get shot the last thing in the world you're gonna think about is still bein' one. The only thing you're gonna think about is your dad, and how far away he is."

He cringes. "I guess you're right. Fuck, I know you're right; he's been my whole world since I was five, when my mom left us."

"I'm sorry about that, Drew; that's fucked up. But yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about bein' virgin." I grin. "There's always the alternative."

He looks at me. "Alternative?"

I smirk. "Yeah, the same thing I did; startin' with the wrong one."

He clicks to what I said and blushes. "Oh! Yeah, I guess that's an option. I don't know, though... I've never thought too much about doin' something with a guy. And from what Scott said, you, Josh and Mark are the only three here that are gay, but you have Josh."

I grin. "Play that thought and sentence out."

He looks at me for a moment and then blushes again. "Mark?"

I smirk. "Yeah, that's an option. I don't wanna embarrass you or nothin' but our friend Mark think's you're really cute."

He blushes again. "He does?"

"Yeah, he does. He couldn't wait to come and tell us about you when we got in today. Now I'm not sayin' he'd actually do anything with ya, he's said he would like to have more than just a fuck buddy, but he did say you're awful cute."

He blushes again. "Oh man... I'm not sure how to process that. I've been told by a couple of my gay friends that I'm cute, but I always figured they were just fuckin' with me."

"They may have been because you're straight and their friend, but you are cute."

"Thanks. I don't know, Joe... This is kinda weird even talkin' about it."

"Do you think it's something you could actually see yourself doin'?"

"I don't know... Like I said, I've had offers but never took `em seriously."

"Well, I'm not tryin' to recruit you or nothin', but I'm just sayin' that there are alternatives, and I know of a sexy guy that would probably be willin' to be your first."

He blushes again. "So he really likes me, huh?"

"Yeah, he really does. Come with me, I'll introduce you to the boy."

He laughs. "We've already been introduced."

"Not like this, you haven't."

"You're gonna embarrass me, huh?"

I grin. "Probably, just a little. I'll embarrass him too, so don't worry about it."

"How could someone like Mark get embarrassed?"

I smile. "Watch and find out. He's easy to embarrass. So come on, young Jedi; let me introduce you to our boy; the real Mark."

He grins and blushes again. "OK."

"Is it OK if I tell him what you told me?"

"If you're sure he's not gonna give me shit about it."

"He won't; that's not Mark at all."

He nods his head. "Yeah, he seems like a really cool guy; I like him a lot."

"He is. Let's go."

Drew and I stand and walk over to our building, me leading him by the shoulder again in case he freaks out and stops. When I get in the building we stop at my room. Josh is in there alone.

"Hey, babe, where's our sexy boy?"

He grins at me. "He's in talkin to your other boyfriend."

I look at him kind of strangely. "OK, you have to be more specific; I have several of `em."

He laughs. "Smart-ass. He's in with Matt."

"Thanks. Drew and I need to have a chat with him."

Josh grins. "Is this chat one he's gonna like to have?"

"I think it is. It's just a door opening of sorts."

Josh looks me kind of weird. "OK..."

"I'll be right back, sexy."

"I'll be here."

We walk down the little hall, stopping at Matt's doorway. I poke my head in.

"Hey, Mark, can we steal you for a minute if you're not too busy?"

"Sure; what's up?"

"Follow us."

I decided having Matt right there would make both of them really uncomfortable so I decided to take them back outside. Once we're out the door I turn to Mark.

"This cute boy would like to talk to you about something that's been buggin' him for the last few months.

"Sure, what's goin' on?"

"He's havin' a small crisis and I told him you might be the guy to talk to. He's worried about dyin' a virgin."

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

I shake my head and roll my eyes. "For a Marine you're kinda slow, dude. Our friend Drew and I have been havin' a little chat. He's disclosed that he's never had sex yet. He is straight, but open minded enough to see that there are other possibilities. I told him you thought he was the sexiest guy on the planet, and maybe you'd be willin' to talk him through this."

They both turn beat red. Mark grins at both of us. "Really?"

I roll my eyes. "If someone says really to me one more time today I'm gonna fuckin' scream. Yes, really. Now I'm not sayin' he's ready to do anything, but he's willin' to talk about it. I also told him that we would keep his secret about bein' a virgin. He doesn't need everyone in camp knowin' that about him. I know you'll be the best one to work this out with him. Now you two boys find a nice, private, quiet place to talk; I have something to talk to my better half about."

I turn and walk back into the building, leaving two embarrassed, nervous Marines standing in front of each other, both afraid to look at the other. I walk into our room.

"You and I need to have a talk I think."

He grins. "You're on a roll; what are we talkin' about?"

"You, me and a conversation you eavesdropped on with me and Matt."

He blushes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry; just tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

"I'm not jealous if that's what you're thinkin'."

"I wasn't thinkin' that. I just wanna know what you think about what you heard, and probably saw."

He blushes again. "Yeah, I saw. It was actually a really nice kiss; I'm glad you got to finally do it."

"Please don't start this conversation talking about the kiss; tell me how you're feeling. Please, Joshua."

"Joshua, huh? I am in trouble."

"No, you're not in trouble. I only use Joshua when I'm worried about you; or what you're worried about. Please tell me what you're feeling."

"Nothing out of the ordinary; really." I roll my eyes. "What?"

"I'm very sorry; that wasn't directed at you. It's just I've heard really about a thousand times today. You were saying?"

"I was saying I wasn't feeling anything bad; I'm not worried. I heard everything you said, and I'm pretty confident about where I stand with you. I knew where I stood before I heard you say it to Matt, but it's nice to hear it too. I know you've felt something for Matt since we met him; it doesn't bother me. There were a few times I was afraid I'd lose you to him, but I haven't been afraid of that in quite awhile. I know you love only me."

"I do; I love you with everything that I am. But yeah, I've had a crush on Matt since the day I met him. I won't do anything with him. I got to kiss him, and I'll be honest, it was a great kiss. There's nothing more to it. I was going to tell you about it, I just haven't had the time yet; it's been kind of crazy around here."

"I know, Joey; don't worry about it. And to be honest, I wouldn't be jealous if you did do something with him; just to satisfy your curiosity. I don't want you doing something all the time, but I would understand one time."

I smile at him. "No you wouldn't, but thank you for saying it; for trusting me that much."

"I trust you with my life; so yeah, I would trust you with Matt. If you wanna do something with him then do it. I really (he sticks his tongue out at me) wouldn't be jealous. I understand the desire and the curiosity."

"Don't stick that tongue out at me unless you mean to use it. I did have a lot of curiosity about him for a long time, but I'm good now; I've gotten over it."

"Are you trying to convince me or you?"

"You; I know how I feel."

"Do you?"

"Yes. Really, really, really."

"It's lost its humor, baby. Like I said, if you wanna do him, do him; I don't mind."

"If you didn't mind you wouldn't keep saying it. I'm not going to do anything with him. The thing I always thought about the most was kissing him. I finally got to kiss him so my fantasy and my curiosity have been satisfied."

"OK. I'm glad you got to kiss him. I can see why you wanted to; he has great lips."

"He does, but so do you. Can I kiss you now?"

"You never have to ask."

I get on my knees in front of the bed, in front of him. I lean forward and kiss him, sliding my tongue in, but not really making out with him. We hold the kiss for about ten seconds. I pull back and smile at him."

"Thank you; I needed that. I love kissing you."

"Good, `cause I love kissin' you." He smiles at me. "So, are we done talking?"

"If we have things resolved we are; well at least about that."

"We have things resolved. Now what's going on with our sexy boy and his new buddy?"

I laugh. "I would guess they're probably still standing outside that door staring at each other, not knowing what to say."

He laughs. "I don't doubt it. So are you gonna tell me what that's all about?"

"Later. Right now I'd like to try that kiss again."

He grins. "Comparison shopping?"

I pull back and look at him. "Please tell me you didn't just say that."

"I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry, Joey. Please forgive me. I was just trying to be cute and funny. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to try to be cute; you are. I forgive ya, but that was harsh, dude."

He closes his eyes for a second. "I know, Joey; I'm very sorry I said that."

I smile at him. "If you promise me not to say really for the rest of the night I'll forget you ever said it. Now kiss me, boy."

"Yes Sir."

He smiles and leans forward, bending most of the way down to reach me, and lands on my mouth. I push into him and slide my tongue in, moaning into his mouth. We're making out this time; I need him.

Thanks,

Jeff raudiv8q@aim.com