Marine's Life in Iraq

This is a work of fiction with an adult theme. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the story: Frontrnrusa@netscape.net

A Marine's Life in Iraq By: Holloway H. Copyright 2005 Holloway H.

I find it hard to believe the number of people that have romanticized being a Marine or any soldier in Iraq or in war anywhere. I truly wish it was the way many people portray, but it isn't, and if you're gay it's hell, real hell at times. There have been a few bright spots but the majority of the time you are so worried about surviving and being lonely that it rips you apart inside. Crying isn't an option so you turn to working out, drinking, boxing anything to help stem the aggression your nerves cause day in and day out. It isn't a pretty picture but it is a fact.

I've been a Marine just at three years, I joined right out of high school, I'm twenty years old, I have high and tight brownish blonde hair with blue eyes, I'm 5'8" in height and I weigh in at 147, am I cute? Yes! The reason I know is that I've had my share of girls and guys while at Pendleton. I wanted you to know what I look like so that you'll understand just how tough things get regardless of what you look like, who you are or where you're from. Yes, I'm gay, I've slept with girls in the past because I got caught up in situations with buddies in my platoon and I couldn't let them down. Occasionally, one of my buddies would want to have sex and we'd do that too, always blaming it on the booze the next morning, after all we were not queer, we didn't kiss or anything we only sucked each others dick and if I got lucky I'd get to fuck him. Now that you have a pretty good background let's face reality together. Iraq is country of buildings of all colors and size, reminding of Santa Fe, NM., and poorer sections of California, with people of all colors and size. The people of Iraq hate Americans at least the majority do. I've been present when a Humvee or transport was destroyed by a bomb killing the Marines, Army, or other military personnel inside. I've watched these so called decent Iraqi people pull the corpses of young men from these wrecks and beat their dead bodies with sticks and rocks crushing their skulls and using machetes cutting them apart. When I've been present at these scenes I've taken great pleasure in putting several bullets in men as old as 80 and as young as 12, if you can destroy a human being dead or alive without feeling, than I can easily blow your head off your shoulders with a smile on my face, go figure.

Iraq is hot and cold and everywhere in between. Sand fills every available space on your weapon, your body, your clothing, everything, even the food that goes into your mouth has grit when you chew making you want to spit it out or scream instead you just swallow and take another bite. Everything I own which isn't much is kept sealed in plastic bags. I've got a Sony Walkman and a ton of CDs all inside bags to keep the sand out of them. Other than the Walkman I own nothing, I save every fucking dollar I get, I make more money here by taking duty for others. My clothes are washed and pressed for free and when I have a day off I work in the laundry that the Army runs in return for the free services. I'm good with my hands and can fix almost anything; I've always been like that even as a little boy.

Growing up in Georgia got me use to the heat and use to being poor, dirt poor. I lived with my grandmother, my parent's left me with her when they headed out to make a life for themselves but they never came back. My grandmother did a good job, she made me go to school and church, she taught me to be honest and hardworking and she allowed me to take apart and fix anything that broke in the house, either I fixed it or we did without. When I was thirteen years old I had my first sexual experience with an 18-year-old boy. He was nice to me and I admired him, the first time he laid his head in my lap and sucked my dick I felt on top of the world, from that moment on I was always horny. He was patient and taught me how to please him, I'd sucked him off but what he really liked was me screwing him like a girl. I loved it too, He'd lay face down and moan as my young hips plowed into him time after time, my hand on his head pushing his soft hair into his pillow until I blew my load and he almost screamed. He and I remained best friends until my senior year in high school it was at that time that he replaced me with another young boy, which was just as well cause I was leaving anyway. Right after I graduated from Boot Camp my grandmother died, we hadn't owned anything so there wasn't any reason for me to return to Georgia. She died one day and was cremated the next, I left her ashes in the old cemetery where all her friends where buried.

Patrols in Iraq are a trip because of the rules of engagement. Actually it is called hit and miss. I can't attempt to kill an Iraqi until they shoot at me and miss then I can hit them with my bullet, sounds like I've got an even chance, yeah right. American's don't have a chance we are limited by politics over here and our lives mean nothing except to fellow soldiers and ourselves. We watch out for one another and I can honestly say I would die for any soldier in Iraq, Marine or otherwise, we are all brothers fighting for a common goal, Democracy. I sit in the dark in the Iraqi desert for hours with night vision goggles on waiting for a target. I use to hunt in Georgia not as a sport but for survival, food to eat. I would sit in a stand or in Palmetto bushes all day to get the chance to kill something that would put food in my belly. When it is quiet, I would think about my life and what I wanted, I don't know that much about life so trying to put it all together isn't easy. I think about it anyway. I'm like anyone else, in that I'd like a nice car and a nice place to live with money in the bank and a job I enjoy going to everyday. Sometimes I sit here and think about all the mistakes I've made in my life and all the great things that have happened too, that keeps me from going nuts. At night when we're doubled up on watch, whoever I'm with we'll talk and tell jokes to keep us on our toes. You wouldn't believe the times I've laughed so hard silently I've almost peed my pants. And there have been times when we haven't told jokes we've sat beside each other letting our legs touch, maybe coping a quick fill in the dark until we both cum in our pants then pretending like nothing happened. Whatever it takes to keep us sane and help us get home we do. I have had my share of walking patrols at night, with weapon locked and loaded I'm prepared for anything, it's at night that I'll shoot first and ask questions later. I know that some soldiers have been tried in military courts for killing innocent Iraqis, all I can say is innocent my ass, they got shot before they could shoot one of us, so too fucking bad. The problem is that politics has to have a scapegoat and the enlisted people are available everywhere you turn, after all we are expendable one way or another. I know that at any time a roadside bomb or a bullet could take me out, I want to survive but then I understand that death is just another part of the cycle of life, I mean I don't want to die at 20 but if I'm predestined to die then I will and there isn't much I can do to prevent it other than taking the same care I take now.

Since I've been in Iraq I've gotten a Purple Heart and 93 stitches to date. I've been sprayed with glass, caught shrapnel in the arm and leg and busted my head open when a piece of cement fell out of the ceiling when I was on watch. The way I look at it is that it is all in a days work, I'm not a hero, any more than the unlucky guy that goes home in a body bag the only difference is that the dead make the ultimate sacrifice for our country. I've been asked a hundred times by civilians what does a dead soldier look like? If it wasn't a bomb that blew them literally apart, pieces here and a piece there, they look pretty much the way they did when they were alive except as the blood escapes from the wound they become pale. And since you know the person, a piece of you is dying inside because you feel fucking helpless, nothing a smart Marine can do will bring a dead Marine back. So you stand there looking down at someone you have just eaten with or talked to, all the while you want to scream and cry and everything else and then he ends up in a black body bag and you try not to remember that your buddy is in that bag. If you were standing close than you probably have blood all over your uniform and skin and occasionally brain matter and tissue, does it make you sick or disgust you, no. Because it came from someone you would have died to save, it just makes your resolve that much stronger. When I'm sick or don't feel good I still get up and go on patrol. Sometimes I carry so much weight in my pack that my back hurts and I want to just say the hell with it. I don't besides who would give a shit anyway? It does no good to complain because there are a hundred thousand other guys that feel the same way I do at one time or another, we all deal with it because we love the Corps and our Country, I signed up for it so I can bitch a little, very little. What's really romantic is when a soldier gets hit with a piece of shrapnel in the body because it has to come out, sometimes in the field hospital sometimes right in the field. Does it hurt, you bet your ass. Do you feel like no one gives a shit because you're going through the pain alone, you bet your ass. So what makes it bearable, my fellow Marines, all soldiers, because without saying a word they understand what I'm feeling and how difficult this can be especially when you're young and it's your first time away from the world.

All right I'll step down from my soapbox for a second. So, let's see, I usually get up around 4:30am and get a shower and then chow, I sit with the guys in my platoon and we eat, if we have patrol then we talk about our mission for that day. After chow I usually go to the head, we don't always have toilet paper so whenever we can get them in the mail we all carry 'Wet Ones' or something like that and if there isn't anything including magazine pages or newspaper, I wipe my ass with my finger or I've ripped my T-shirt in order to get cleaned up. That's something to think about next time you think being a Marine at war is romantic.

Marines are clean, we shower, shave, brush our teeth and try to do it as often as possible when water is available, when we can't shower we clean up using our helmet as a sink, the point is if we stink it isn't because we want to, it's because we don't have the water to do otherwise. Once we head out for patrol we are gone for the day or longer. Sometimes we have MRES and other times we don't have anything, drinking only the water in our canteens and once the canteen is empty we're SOL unless a buddy has some extra water. I can honestly say I've never seen a Marine let another Marine or Army guy for that matter do without water when they are thirsty, just doesn't happen.

After four weeks of constant patrols we usually get a day or two off, time to rest and catch up on life. Relax for a while. I get letters and boxes from the only person who gives a shit about me he lives in Norfolk Virginia. We met right after I was assigned to Norfolk. I had been learning my way around the place and actually got lost near an area called Sand Bridge. I saw this guy coming out of his house and I waved him down and told him I was lost he gave me directions and as I was walking away he called me back and asked if I wanted a beer, I accepted. I followed him in his house and from that minute we became fast friends. We talked for hours then walked down the beach, when we got back to his house he asked me to stay for dinner after dinner we talked again. He was 35, his wife had just divorced him, he didn't tell me why and I didn't ask. I told him about me and living in Georgia with my grandmother, I told him about the Marines and that I was shipping out in three months, he listened then asked me if I'd like a place to stay off base when I didn't have duty, he said it would give me a place to get away from base and it would give him some much needed company. I jumped at the chance, he told me I'd have to help keep the place clean and food in the refrigerator, I agreed quickly. Gary as I said is 35, he has silky looking light brown hair that is thick, he isn't muscular, he's thin, I thought he was probably one of the nicest looking guys I'd ever seen, but I didn't think of him like that after all he had just gotten divorced. After a month of being roommates, I made the mistake of asking Gary why he had gotten divorced. He asked me if on my honor he told me the truth I would promise not to let it change our friendship, I looked at him and swore.

He sat across from me a beer in hand, he pointed to the sofa across from him I sat down. "Chance you've asked me about my divorce, well, the fact is I think I'm gay. I'm not really sure, but I think I may be. I met a guy my age at the gym and brought him back to the house while my wife was away on a business trip, she returned home early and caught us in bed in the act of having sex, needless to say the next morning we talked and decided our relationship was over, we're still friends. I haven't been with anyone since that happened five months ago. The other thing is I didn't ask you to stay here because I wanted to have sex with you, I asked you to stay here cause the minute we talked I felt that you were a special person, a friend and I still do."

I looked at him for a minute, "all right if we're having honesty hour. I've slept with several guys and girls. The biggest problem for me is that since I've lived here I've thought about you a couple hundred times. I like you, you're my best friend."

He smiled at me, "Chance thank you."

I nodded and we ended up walking along the beach. By the end of the day we were back in the house in the kitchen fixing dinner. I was tired and went to bed early, actually I was frustrated I wanted Gary to come in here and lay beside, maybe he would pull me in his arms. Maybe he'd tell me he liked me, my mind raced through all the possibilities the only thing I knew for sure was that I had a raging hard on that would not go down. I lay there tossing and turning until I couldn't stand it anymore. I walked to the kitchen to get a beer, as soon as I turned on the kitchen light I saw Gary sitting at the table, he smiled then his eyes went to my erection. I felt my face turn red he laughed which instantly made me feel better. I sat across from him and drank a beer, as I finished, I asked Gary if he would be pissed if I asked him to hold me, he nodded his head. We walked back to his room, laying on our sides looking at each other, I put my fingers in his hair and shivered, he moved his head closer to my chest I could feel his breath and it made me crazy, I ran my fingers up the back of his neck and into his hair over and over. When he moved up beside me he gently kissed me, other than a girl I'd never kissed anyone, his tongue explored my mouth and soon he had me breathing so hard I thought my chest would explode. When his hand moved over my stomach and his fingers curled around my erection I cried out, my body shaking. He lowered his head to my stomach, my fingers caressed the side of his face, playing with his ear and his hair, my hard on had a heart beat all its own throbbing.

Gary spoke slowly "Chance would you be pissed at me if I got you off."

Something about the way he said that turned me off, I knew he could feel it, my erection was starting to soften, "Gary I don't want you to get me off, if you want to have sex together then I'd like that. Neither of us are cheap, I hate the way you make yourself sound and the way it makes me feel."

"I'm sorry, I didn't know how to ask."

"Come here." Gary moved up next to me again, I kissed him and my fingers explored his body. I moved down him taking his erection in my mouth as my fingers moved slowly around his tight hole. He moaned and thrust his hips upward, his hand moving up and down both sides of my head, he said he felt so fantastic, his voice was almost crying out in excitement. I continued to make love to him until he tried to pull me off, he cried out and filled my mouth with his cum, it tasted good, actually I didn't care what it tasted like all I wanted was to make him happy. As I let him slip from my mouth, he pulled me on top of him and kissed me again, each time he kissed me he made me hornier. Gary moved down my body his mouth covered my erection, my hips involuntarily trying to feed him more, he gagged before settling down. I told him his hair was driving me wild, I put my hands in it and continued to thrust into his mouth, he began to moan, I cried out almost yelling, I'd never done that before then the first blast of cum filled his mouth, he didn't gag he tried hard to swallow all of it but couldn't it escaped out the side of his mouth. He continued to suck until I was soft. I tried to pull him next to me but he ran to the bathroom for a towel then came back and cleaned me up. Without a word passing between us, he pulled me in his arms, my head rested against his chest, his lips kissed my hair, he kept whispering to me and running his fingers up and down my neck until I had fallen asleep. Sunday morning I woke still in his arms, he was already awake, he smiled at me then moved down my body and made love to me, when I went to reciprocate he smiled and said later. We spent the day running down the beach, playing in the water touching each other to our hearts content. From that day forward we slept together in what was now our bed. He asked me to move in to the house full time, I did immediately.

With only a month before I was to ship out I started feeling jealousy and other feelings I had never had to deal with. Gary knew something was up and he asked me.

"Chance what's going on?"

I held him so fucking tight, "Just listen and don't say anything if you get pissed that's fine just wait until I'm finished to tell me." He relaxed in my arms I kissed the side of his face a few times then took a deep breath. "Gary, I'm leaving in a month and I'm scared shitless you'll sleep with someone else when I'm gone. I know we're friends, but in the last month I've started to feel a lot more for you, a lot. You mean everything, I care about you like there is no fucking tomorrow." Gary took a deep breath and asked me to hold him tighter, I felt his body shake but I didn't say anything. I stroked the side of his face and told him I was sorry upsetting him and that I'd leave if that is what he wanted.

He lifted his head, "Chance, you're unbelievable, I'm 15 years older than you are and you care about me that much."

I nodded my head then kissed him, when we broke apart, I smiled, "Gary I care about you more than any one in my life, you can count on that."

Gary rested his head against my chest and told me how he felt about being older and me eventually wanting someone younger, then he said something to me that no one had ever said, "I love you, I mean that." I felt so many emotions I didn't know what to do.

Over the next month we were inseparable spending as much time as possible with each other. During the weekend I was to deploy Gary did two things for me, the first is that he bought me a watch and the second is he gave himself to me completely, when I entered him fully he cried out and I filled him. We lay together exhausted I whispered to him that he belonged to me forever. He drove me to the base the following morning. I knew he was sad I was too. Unknown to him I had left him a gift on the bed and a letter and a card.

As he pulled up to the terminal he looked at me, "Chance one thing matters to me in this world and that is you, only you, I love you baby."

I looked at him, my eyes watered, "I love you so fucking much, I feel like I'm dying inside."

I grabbed my stuff and waved as he pulled off, we agreed he wouldn't stay otherwise it would be too hard for both of us. I'm not sure what happened when Gary got home but I can imagine. He went upstairs and saw the things lying on the bed. Wrapped was a bracelet inscribed on the back, "I'll always love you. CD." There was a card and a letter inside the envelope with the letter was everything I owned in the world, a bankbook, my SGLI selection and my will. I'd written that he was the only person in my life and should anything happen I wanted him to have everything. I wrote on the last line that these three months were the happiest of my life and that if he met someone else while I was gone I would understand as long as he promised not to let anyone hurt him ever. Gary's first letter was filled with longing and love for me. He sent a box with tons of stuff. He wrote pages telling me everything he was doing which was working constantly. He said staying busy helped him deal with missing me. He also wrote that when I returned he wanted go away for a week together just the two of us. He finished his letter by saying I had made him ball like a baby when he got home that day. Inside the box he sent cookies and wet ones, magazines, CDs and everything else he could think of, I smiled just thinking of him. When I got lonely which was all the time I could pull out a picture of him in my wallet and stare at it for hours daydreaming about him.

Once R&R was over we rotated back to patrol. Weeks passed that we camped in foxholes in different areas of the city trying to stop insurgents from killing innocent Iraqis. It was long missions that were the most trying because after a while your nerves got to you and you ended up getting pissed with everyone and everything, we'd all be chewing each other's ass out for the least little thing, whatever we did to handle it worked because it made us relax just enough to do our job. I didn't have the luxury of sitting back and telling the guys about my boyfriend, instead I sat back in the foxhole and listened to them talk about their girlfriends and wives like they were two dollar whores, I never could figure that one out. Occasionally, I'd get questioned about this and that and I was quick to tell whoever was asking that I didn't disrespect people I loved by talking about them in a fucking foxhole with a group of horny bastards, that usually got the guys laughing and another hurdle met.

Half way through my tour, Lance Corporal Jimmie Harris showed up, I thought I would die. Jimmie had blonde hair, brown eyes and had to be 6'1" he was a nice looking guy and he was one of the son-of-a-bitches that I had had sex with back at Pendleton, I knew he wouldn't say anything because he had had no trouble taking my dick in his mouth until I blew my load down his throat, he'd be hard pressed to fuck with me. He was just the opposite, the minute he noticed it was me he was nice as shit, he said he had just finished half a tour in Afghanistan and that he was finishing out the remainder here. His words sent a signal to my brain, why was he shipped from Afghanistan to here? The first time we had a day off he cornered me out of earshot of everyone and asked how I had been, he said it was really good to see me and he missed our friendship, I nodded my head and said same here. I asked him what happened in Afghanistan, he said one of the guys accused him of trying to get at his cock, he denied it and Gunny believed him but felt it would be better to send him over here to let things cool down in the platoon.

I looked at Jimmie, "don't fuck with these guys, if they even think you're a fag you'll end up friendly fire real quick."

Jimmie studied my face, "Chance I'm not messing around with anyone, you and I are friends, I don't need anything else."

Hearing those words really made me relax, Jimmie didn't look queer at all just the opposite he was all Marine, I just didn't want him getting a few beers in his gut and feeling some guy up. The guys liked Jimmie immediately he was always telling them lies about fucking this chick or that chick usually with two or three other guys, I knew he was checking out the guys cocks as they got excited from his stories, he amazed me to no end. Three weeks into his tour he found a secluded spot, he almost begged me into going with him and once inside he was down on his knees slobbering all over my cock as he jerked himself off, my fingers grabbed hold of his blonde hair and I fucked his mouth, when I shot off, he took me deep in his throat, I grabbed the back of his head and fucked him until I was worn out. He smiled up at me his hand and face covered with cum. He cleaned himself up then asked me to fuck him I was so horny he didn't have to ask, I rode him long and hard pushing his head into the dirt as my dick slammed into his ass, he cried out several times and I shot my load filling his intestines, he crumpled on the ground underneath me exhausted, he kept repeating how fucking good I made him feel. I grabbed his hand pulling him to his feet, I told him to get it together so we could get the fuck out of there, he looked at me and smiled, "thank you Chance."

I wasn't proud of myself, I felt fucking dirty, here I was fucking someone else when I had someone I loved waiting for me at home. I knew telling Gary about this would break his fucking heart, I'd tell him once we were face to face, I thought if he tells me to get out, I'll die I really care about him. Another quarter of the time passed and only two and a half months remained before rotating back to the world, I was excited as hell. Besides rotating back my enlistment was up the following month and I was set to receive a huge bonus if I reenlisted for three or more years. The problem was I wanted to get out and take care of Gary, but I would never be as smart. He was a Doctor with a practice and everything else, here I was just a Marine with a good heart and a desire to do the best possible job, those desires did not buy beach houses or put food on the table, I thought I would talk with him when I returned and see what we should do. Maybe he wanted me to stay in the Marines and didn't mind being separated. If that was the case then I knew we wouldn't last because I needed to be with the person I loved around the clock 365 days a year. Anyhow, now that I'd fucked Jimmie I was pretty sure that Gary was going to dump me.

The week before we were to leave, the guys threw a party, everyone chipped in ten bucks we got pizza and tons of cheap beer. By midnight we were shit faced something awful. I had been watching Jimmie and knew he was trying to put the move on Darby, Darby was a good looking kid from Texas, he was a really nice kid friendly with everyone I wasn't sure how he would take finding out his Marine buddy was trying to suck his dick. I didn't have to wait to find out. When Jimmie went to cop a feel Darby punched him in the face and the two of them ended up on the ground slugging it out, Jimmie was much bigger than Darby and it took three of us to pull the two of them apart.

Darby accused Jimmie of being queer, Jimmie looked at him, "you dumb shit you've had too much to drink, stupid kid."

Darby tried to take a swing at Jimmie and Jimmie punched him in the face twice before we got hold of him, the kid slumped to the floor a combination of beer and fists. The guys and me put him in his rack on his stomach. I told them I would watch him for a couple of hours to make sure he didn't drown in his own puke. The party ended right after that we didn't need Gunny chewing our ass or busting any of us for fighting. Around three thirty in the morning Darby woke up his face was swollen he looked like shit. When he saw it was me he apologized saying he'd made an ass out of himself, I put my hand on his shoulder to stabilize him and told him everything was cool. I grabbed his towel and kit and we walked to the shower. He undressed slowly while I was already under the shower spray, he stood facing the water forever, while my eyes ran over his body, he was a great looking kid, not my type at all but that didn't stop me from realizing he was cute. After he got cleaned up I got him a bottle of water, I had a Coke and we sat outside talking, he was real embarrassed, I told him he shouldn't be and we talked about home. He only lasted about 30 minutes before once again falling asleep in his cot. I felt good that he was all right. I crawled in my tent and passed out.

Incoming woke all of us at 5am, it was still dark outside several shoulder launched grenades landed in our secure area, all hell was breaking lose. One of the tents was hit fortunately it was empty and no one was hurt. After 12 or so incoming shells everything was quite I looked around and saw that the shower area had been hit. I ran with several other guys to make sure no one was hurt, it was clear and for once I stopped and thanked God before moving on. I was too wound up to get any chow or sleep so I dressed and had my weapon at the ready the remainder of the day. We were on patrol near dusk when several small arms opened up on our patrol, bullets were whizzing everywhere. Then there was silence and I heard someone yell Corpsman. When I got to where the Corpsman was working I looked down and saw it was Jimmie, I knew he was dead. The Corpsman looked up at me and I yelled telling one of the guys to get Gunny here now. Jimmie's forehead had been blown away and I knew that meant he'd been hit from the back as I looked around at everyone standing nearby Darby's eyes caught mine he had a smirk on his face. I knew he'd murdered Jimmie.

A few days later Darby was passing by he stopped and said he knew I could appreciate that the only good faggot was a dead faggot. I stared at him calling him a stupid fucking murderer and telling him he'd killed a fellow Marine, I told him to get the fuck out of my sight before I killed him myself, he stared at me then walked away. As soon as he was gone I went to talk with Gunny Walker, he listened to my story then stood up.

"Sergeant do you think the guy was queer?"

I stared a gunny, "what in the fuck does that have to do with him being murdered?"

Gunny smiled, "if he was queer then the Marines made a mistake by letting him infiltrate our service and Darby did the Corps a favor by blowing the dick sucker away. Anything else I need to say on the topic?"

I looked at Gunny, "no I understand completely." I knew I would never feel the same way about the Marines again. I began counting the days until we returned to the world.

Saturday night at 2:30 in the morning we arrived at the terminal. I looked around without seeing anyone, as I left the building with my bags I saw Gary, he smiled and waved, within minutes we were off base and headed home.

Gary kept turning to look at me, "Chance I love you, I've missed you terribly."

I lay down with my head on his lap and fell apart, he tried to console me but couldn't. When we got home he led me inside then pulled me in his arms and told me to tell him what was wrong. I told him about having sex with Jimmie and about Jimmie being murdered and what Gunny had said. When I looked up at Gary he had tears in his eyes, I knew I had broken his fucking heart, I begged him to forgive me, he held me tight and asked me if I loved him. I told him a million times yes and explained that I had to have sex with Jimmie, but that I never stopped thinking about or loving him.

He nodded his head, "I understand."

I tried talking to him about a few more things and I ended up falling apart, I knew he was concerned. He listened to me tell him everything, his arms holding me the entire time and when I finished I must have fallen asleep because I woke in Gary's arms, he kissed me and smiled asking if I felt better.

I looked in his eyes, "do you still love me?"

He kissed me deeply, "more than anyone or anything in this world." He took my hand and led me to the bathroom, he filled the tub crawling in behind me holding me tight against his chest and slowly gently he washed my body. I could feel his erection pressing into my back. I turned and kissed his neck, I need you he looked in my eyes and said, "same here." As we moved to the bedroom, I moved down his body making him cry out he begged me to release him.

I stopped and lay on my back pulling him on top of me, he looked down in my eyes, I kissed him. "Gary take me tonight."

He shook his head no "I like it when you are buried inside me."

I grabbed his wrist, "Gary please just this once I have to know I belong to you and you still want me."

He nodded his head and began the process of entering me, I cried out and he stopped then started again, when he was deep inside me he cried out and filled my bowels with his semen. He loved me and told me a hundred times. He cleaned me up then moved down the bed and covered my erection with his mouth. I grabbed two handfuls of his hair and cried out filling his mouth with cum. He lifted his head and smiled at me.

I re-enlisted for three years. I put the bonus in my bank account. It wasn't the happiest day of my life, I wanted to get out and take care of Gary, but since I had told him about Jimmie I knew he felt differently about me even though whenever I had brought up re-enlisting he'd chew my ass. I was shocked and surprised when I re-enlisted and was immediately told I would be transferring to Cherry Point in the next ninety days. As I drove home that day I was miserable, I was losing Gary and knew it. My chest felt tight and it was hard for me to breathe, I didn't know how I was going to break the news to Gary. I went upstairs and changed clothes before searching for Gary finding him out back on the deck reading. I watched him for a while he was beautiful. When Gary saw me he put his magazine down.

"Chance what have you done?"

I looked at him and just shook my head, "I've fucked up royally."

He looked at me and pointed to his chair, I sat down on the chaise beside him, "I re-enlisted for three years."

He nodded his head slowly. I could see sadness in his eyes. "There's more. I'm being transferred to Cherry Point in ninety days."

Gary threw his magazine across the deck, he stood up looking at me clinching his fist, "Chance, why did you ever tell me you loved me if you were going to do what you wanted anyway. I'll bet you couldn't wait to get away from me I'm too old for you, I told that when we met. But let me say one other thing, when you came back from Iraq and told me you'd slept with someone else, it broke my heart, because I love you enough to give up everything. I understood that you were at war and there are decisions you have to make and then you said you only thought of me when you were with Jimmie. And I loved you enough to forgive you" Gary stood shaking his head I stood up and went to pull Gary in my arms he warned me to stand back.

I yelled at him "Gary punch me out, do what you want but please don't tell me I don't love you, I've never loved any one but you."

I saw the tears in his eyes as he walked away from me going to the bedroom. I sat down on the chaise looking into the night sky, all I wanted at that moment was for the pain I felt to go away.

I waited almost an hour before going in the house. I turned on a few lights before running upstairs and going into the bedroom. Gary lay there sound asleep his face was streaked where he'd been crying. I slowly lay down beside him and pulled him in my arms. When he woke he kissed me looking in my eyes.

His voice broke, "Chance I love you so much."

I pulled him closer, "you know I've never loved anyone but you and I never will please don't give up on me, please Gary."

Gary looked in my eyes, "I don't want us to be apart anymore, I can't concentrate when you're gone, I'm not happy anymore, try to understand."

I ran my fingers through his hair, "I love you."